"spectatores, ego sum Lar familiaris. deus sum familiae Euclionis. ecce Euclionis aedes. est in aedibus Euclionis thesaurus magnus. thesaurus est Demaenti, aui Euclionis."

Bella focused on the words on the page with utmost concentration, feet on the seat of her armchair and elbows bent on top of her knees. She held the Latin book with unnecessary strength, her face so close to the yellowed pages that she could feel the musty smell impregnating her nose. It helped, in a way, as did the silence. The library was blissfully empty as far as she could tell. The only sounds disturbing the quietness were her own frustrated grunts and sighs. It was a good thing that she picked up Latin and Italian books before anyone attempted to teach her any of the two languages; if she didn't manage to learn anything by herself, at least she now knew what awaited her. Above her head, a solitary sconce shed a dim, warm light over herself and her tome, casting elongated shadows over the rug at her feet. Irrationally, she felt that turning on the main lights would be too disturbing, as if the vampires would be attracted to the room by the brightness like moths to a flame. They would know she was in there anyway, their heightened senses capturing her every sound and smell. Still, hiding in the dark brought her a certain level of comfort, at least for as long as she could keep herself awake.

And it was awfully hard to keep herself awake as she ran her eyes back and forth through the adapted text, trying to imprint the words on her tired brain. She thought longingly of her sleeping pills, discarded in her bathroom trash can on a whim days ago. It would do her no good to fall asleep in a shared space, where anyone could stumble upon her as her screams shook her awake. Her awkward reading position had been a deliberate choice, made to warrant that should she fall asleep, the book would hit the floor and her head would go with it, unsupported by her arms. Even so, Bella wasn't looking forward to falling asleep and hitting her head on the ground.

With a loud sigh, she started over, deciding to reread the whole text in spite of how much of it she could understand, determined to memorise as much of it as she could before checking the glossary at the end of the section.

Engrossed in the book, she didn't notice Jane entering the library and standing right next to her, reading over her shoulder. Her girlish voice was too close to Bella's ear when she spoke.

"We have a night owl."

Bella jumped, instinctively gasping and turning her head too quickly, hurting her neck. The book fell shut on her lap when she took a hand to the sore spot. Jane went around her bouncing on her feet and gave her a mean smile.

"Did you have another nightmare?"

Bella fixed her posture and steadied her breathing. That was yet another reason to avoid sleep until she found a way to stop the nightmares; it was mortifying enough that everyone knew she had them, talking in her sleep and revealing what they were about was simply too much for her to endure. She shook her head. "I'm trying to not have any, actually."

Jane laughed, her eyes passing over the book cover. "Not a light reading for someone like you."

Bella shrugged, trying to ignore the condescending undertone. Jane's eyes grazed over the titles scattered on the table in front of them, squinting with undisguised suspicion before landing back on Bella. Among the Latin books were Italian and language acquisition volumes as well, and Jane made sure to mention Bella's peculiar choices.

"Of all the books in here, I didn't expect you to venture through those shelves," she commented. "Latin, last of all."

Bella frowned. She distinctly remembered Gianna mentioning that all the guards used primarily Latin to communicate. That and Aro's mention that she should learn other languages made her certain that these two were the most important ones. "It's the common language here, isn't it?"

Jane raised her eyebrows defiantly. "So?"

"So I should learn."

Jane studied her in silence, her ruby eyes stone-hard and calculating. She slowly sat down across from Bella, scanning her face with such focus that Bella began to feel a prickling sensation spreading from her forehead to her chin.

"Yes," Jane said at last, slowly and deliberately. "I just didn't think you would bother," she admitted.

Bella bit her lip, turning her attention back to the book. She read the beginning of the text three more times before flipping the pages to the glossary. She then read it ten times over before reading the text again, now using her newfound knowledge to truly decipher it, a relieved laugh escaping through her lips when two sentences made some sense.

"We could go outside if you're not going to sleep," Jane suggested. "I can show you around from above, and when you go into town by yourself during the day, you'll know your way."

Bella froze, a small frown forming on her forehead. She had nearly forgotten Jane wanted to take her out after Melissa. She hadn't seen or even thought about the girl again after their evaluation, and the memory of her caused a jolt to go through her body, but Jane's choice of words distracted her from the horror of the reminder. What did she mean by "from above"?

She didn't want to question Jane too much, afraid she would take back her offer, but Bella couldn't help glancing at her book as she considered abandoning her studies. Jane was quick to address her worries.

"If you come now, I'll help you with that from now on."

Bella stared at her in disbelief. "You will?"

"Yes." Jane jumped to her feet, her skirt falling over her white-clad knees. "You look like you're actually trying. I could help."

"Thanks." Bella put her book on the table with the others and stood up, waiting for Jane. The vampire was unmoving for a moment, listening for something Bella's ears couldn't catch. Then she blinked and smiled mischievously.

"Right. Let's go."

Bella expected her to start walking, but she made no move, her smile faltering. To Bella's surprise, her next words were whispered. "We should be quick. Let me carry you."

A dreadful chill ran along Bella's arms. "Are we sneaking out?" she whispered back. Jane pursed her lips.

"Yes, but don't worry. You won't get in trouble."

Bella didn't like the way she said "you" and not "we". She shook her head.

"I don't want you to get in trouble."

Jane dismissed her with a wave of her hand, rolling her eyes. "I said don't worry. I won't get in trouble with the masters."

With who, then?

She didn't voice her question. Instead, she hopped on Jane's back, trying not to think how utterly ridiculous they looked with Bella's longer limbs snaking around Jane's small frame. Her gelid arms hooked themselves underneath Bella's knees, and she darted out of the library, giving Bella no time to close her eyes before she felt the movement. There was a familiar, nausea-inducing feeling of floating as the floor all but disappeared under Jane's feet, and Bella forcefully closed her eyes, burying her face in the crook of Jane's neck to shield herself from the wind and their blurred surroundings. The run was much longer than Bella anticipated, and she thought she was imagining things when she felt Jane jump up at some point, but her previous words finally made sense. They were seeing the city from the rooftops; that's what Jane meant by "from above." The cold, fresh air from the outside engulfed them, making Bella even dizzier after months of breathing the stale air of the castle. A few more jumps later, Jane released Bella's legs, and she slowly slid down from Jane's back, struggling to find balance. The roof tiles felt slippery under her sneakers, and Jane promptly grabbed one of her arms and pulled her down so they could sit side by side.

Looking down, Bella's stomach dropped. Cold horror lumped in her belly and she choked. They were so high up. Why would Jane think this was a good idea? She closed her eyes for a moment, lifting her head and trying to ground herself. Her hands searched for something to grip, but the roof tiles were merely fitted into each other and would certainly come loose if she grabbed them. The cold air helped once she got used to it. Jane's hand was almost painful around her arm, but Bella preferred that to no support at all. After a series of deep breaths, she dared to open her eyes to the city underneath them, shivering despite her efforts.

The moonlight shone on the cobblestones covering the square down below, revealing all the houses and shops nearby. It was truly a beautiful place, with its narrow, curvy streets lined by brick and stone, with a charm that only old places possessed. The arches over a few of the streets conferred them a quaint look, and the cracks in the brick walls gave way to climbing plants, creating a lovely contrast between old and new, living and unliving. Though the city was asleep, with not one single human wandering outside, Bella could almost see it breathing, as if the plants moving in the night breeze and the flowing water from the drinking fountains were the chest of a beast, calmly moving up and down as it breathed.

Jane told her about all the main points of her town, as she called it, pointing to them as she spoke. She had chosen a very strategic spot to give her instructions, for which Bella was grateful; she couldn't even imagine jumping again, not even one more time, so they could see something else. She instructed Bella on how to get to markets and bookshops, as well as the post office and the tourist sites, talking at length about their history. Though Bella was curious about the girl's sudden change of heart, she didn't question her reasons. It was clear to her that Jane was as unreasonable and unstable as any thirteen-year-old girl, and Bella would have to make her peace with it.

"You're cold," Jane noted when she was finished. "It didn't occur to me that you could be cold wearing only that jacket."

She smirked then, and Bella found herself infuriated again. She crossed her arms defensively.

"Right, the jacket." She glared at Jane when she giggled. "Demetri told me it was his. Why would your brother put it in my room?"

Jane just laughed harder. "Demetri told you this? He should have told you everything, then."

"Everything?"

Instead of answering, Jane tensed. Unmoving like a statue, she looked into the distance. Bella followed her gaze on a reflex, but couldn't hear or see anything. Afraid of moving too much and falling from the top of the building, she held her breath and waited. Soon, a shadow moved on top of the castle across the square, shooting in their direction, and Jane relaxed.

"Dumbass," she muttered, catching Bella off guard. She never thought she would hear an ancient vampire using the word, no matter how young they looked.

Alec's features finally became distinguishable to Bella when he jumped onto the roof they were on, his face the only visible part of him as he was dressed in the nearly-black grey of the guard. Jane snorted.

"You shouldn't come near her just yet," she chastised him. Alec rolled his eyes, sitting by her side.

"Look who's talking. You brought her all the way up here."

They switched to a language unknown to Bella, going back and forth with something in between a serious discussion and playful banter, or at least it seemed to be a serious discussion to Jane; Alec was smiling as Jane pouted and glared at him, their voices in completely different cadences. Bella scoffed, annoyed for being left out of the conversation and denied answers yet again. Alec ended Jane's complaints with a gentle shove and a decisive, final sentence, pushing Bella as well since Jane still held her arm firmly to prevent her from falling. When Bella gasped and slipped downwards, Jane hissed and pushed her up.

"Careful!"

Alec rolled his eyes again. "Bad place to bring her."

"So, you're done avoiding me?"

He didn't look at Bella to answer. "I wasn't avoiding you."

"Yes, you were." Jane pushed him in the same way he had pushed her, barely moving him. He flicked her ear.

"You're such a gossip."

Before they could start another fight, Bella jumped in again. "Jane won't tell me why you put Demetri's jacket in my room."

The twins shared an indecipherable look. Alec forced a nonchalance that even Bella could see was false.

"I wanted to see if you would pick it."

Bella grunted. "Why?"

To her annoyance, the two vampires went on to have another private conversation in what she thought was their mother tongue before Alec finished it again by switching back to English.

"But I want to see what happens next," he argued, to which Jane shook her head vehemently.

"He is going to beat you up."

"I'll live."

"Alec!"

Taking advantage of a second of Jane's distraction, Bella stood up when she felt the girl's grip on her loosen. Wobbling a bit before steadying herself, she felt her heart racing with the imminence of her fall to certain death. The twins mirrored her, standing up much more gracefully.

"If someone doesn't tell me something right now, I'll jump."

The shock on their faces would be comical if Bella weren't on the brink of fainting from the adrenaline rush. Jane's eyes widened at her words, but Alec simply laughed.

"We'll just catch you." He shrugged. Jane pressed her lips into a fine line, her eyes still wide with panic.

"Speak for yourself."

Bella took half a step forward to show them she was serious, though, of course, she had no real intention of jumping. Jane growled and reached for her with vampire speed, pushing her back with too much force. Bella fell on her butt.

"Ouch."

"We can't tell you. Even if you do try to kill yourself,"

The twins sat down again, this time leaving Bella in the middle. She felt like a child of divorce watching her parents fight, or what she thought that would feel like. She was too young to remember her own parents fighting and divorcing.

Her parents didn't look thirteen when they divorced, either. Of that she was sure.

"We don't need to tell her," Alec reasoned, "we can do what Cullen did and let her figure it out. He can't accuse us of telling her if she figures it out on her own."

"She's not that smart," Jane said, as if Bella weren't listening. Alec turned to her.

"How long did it take you to realise Edward Cullen was immortal?"

Bella searched her memories for a timeline, counting the weeks between the car accident in the parking lot and her visit to Port Angeles.

"A little more than a month, I think. Less than two, for sure."

Alec gave Jane a triumphant smile. "See? She might not be smart, but she's not dumb either. She'll figure it out."

Jane eyed Bella with incredulity.

"I want to see what happens, too," she admitted reluctantly. "It's a bet."

Alec's smile morphed into a devilish smirk. He turned to Bella.

"If you don't like me testing you, then maybe you should test Demetri instead."

She frowned, the lines on her forehead so deep she was sure they would soon be permanent. With that realisation, she relaxed her face. "Test him for what?"

"Whatever he does to you, do it back to him. If he touches you a certain way, touch him the same way. If he speaks to you in a way, speak to him just the same. Take note of his reactions."

Jane had a laughing fit, leaving Bella flabbergasted. Suddenly, an absurd suspicion of what he could be alluding to crept on her, but the mere possibility of what he was implying was so preposterous that she felt pathetic for even considering it. Then, another possibility occurred to her, and she stored it away, deciding to ask Gianna about it as soon as she could. She gave Alec a hard, calculating look.

"And then what, report back to you?"

The twins shared a glance, identical evil smiles on their cherubic faces. They answered in unison, turning their heads to look at Bella at the same time.

"Yes."

Bella didn't hesitate. "Fine."

It was like she told them Christmas had arrived early. Alec gave his sister a winning smile, to which she just rolled her eyes again. Inching towards the edge of the roof, he suggested they walk around to properly show Bella the city.

"No," Jane spat immediately. "We'll be seen."

"We're not doing anything wrong." Alec went to push her again, but she dodged him, careful not to yank Bella's arm this time.

"It doesn't matter."

Truthfully, Bella felt like heading back to the castle. She was a little cold out there in the clothes she wore, and hadn't figured out how to avoid her nightmares to get real sleep. She had asked Charlie for a few of her CDs a few days ago, planning on listening to some music to soothe herself to sleep, but the package was still somewhere on its way to Europe. He made sure to send her all the pictures she had taken in Forks with her new camera as well, and she planned on arranging them on her bedroom walls as another form of distraction when they finally arrived. For now, though, she was still stuck in the silence of her chamber in between its blank walls, feeling watched as anxiety overwhelmed her every time she laid down to sleep.

Ugh.

She hadn't been having real nightmares, anyway. What was she so scared of? The carnage her mind made up on her first time sleeping in the castle had slowly morphed into ridiculous, harmless dreams. Bella liked to believe that was a sign that she felt safer in that place she was supposed to call home for the years to come, but didn't want to fall into a false sense of security. Besides, the content of the nightmares mattered nothing if she thrashed and yelled in her bed, awakening the human staff and bothering the immortal inhabitants.

"I should try to sleep," she finally declared, voice wavering. Jane stood up before Alec could protest.

"Let's go, then."

He stood between them. "I should carry her." He smiled sheepishly when Jane scowled, amending quickly, "I'm taller than you."

They looked at Bella, making her feel even more like a child choosing a parent's side. Shrugging, she hopped on Alec's back, to Jane's discontent. She puffed, turning her back on them and running back to the castle without another word. Alec laughed.

"Such a ray of sunshine."

He did warn Bella before running after his sister, giving her time to close her eyes and prepare herself. He was not that much taller than Jane, but even the small difference helped Bella accommodate herself a little better. Alec announced he was about to move, and Bella held him tighter, closing her eyes and bracing herself. During their journey, she thought he was going in a different direction and jumped down to the ground, disregarding Jane's earlier complaints. When he dropped her with no proper warning, she looked around and her heart jumped as she noticed she was right. They were in a deserted alley Bella couldn't locate, and Alec pushed her gently against a wall before she could ask him what they were doing there.

"Go talk to Master Marcus when you can," he whispered with an urgency that made Bella shiver.

"About what?"

The shadow of a smirk passed by his lips. "He will know it before you tell him."

Bella sighed, her eyes trying to adjust to the darkness. The moonlight didn't reach them down there in between the ancient walls as well as it did up on the rooftops. She caught a glimpse of an ominous glint in his eyes before his boyish laughter reached her ears again.

"You must have a suspicion by now. Do tell me what you think it is."

"No," she shook her head vehemently. "No way. You just want to laugh at me. Besides, I have a feeling that this," she gestured between them, alluding to the secrecy of their conversation, "is cheating."

"I don't cheat." His voice was grave now, as if he were genuinely offended. "I'm not telling you anything. It's not against the rules."

She almost laughed, too. He couldn't sound more like a boy playing a children's game if he tried.

"Right. I'll try to talk to him as soon as I can." She pondered for a moment. "But I don't really know how I would find him. Or anyone… not human… in there."

"You have a map of the entire building," he reminded her. "You can find anyone's personal chambers in there."

Anyone's, he stressed. She stored that away as well.

When she didn't retort, he told her to hop back on his back and took her back to the castle. Jane was pacing around the corridor outside the tower they had used as an exit, waiting for them.

"Took a detour?" She eyed her brother suspiciously.

Alec smiled. "I'm just more careful with the human. They get motion sick, did you know?"

Bella stared at him questioningly after getting down. Tipping her off might not be breaking the rules, but that was a blatant lie. If he wasn't cheating, why hide it from Jane? She made no comment on it, biting her tongue and looking away when Jane zeroed in on her.

"Right," Jane conceded begrudgingly. "Go to sleep, then. I'll help you with Italian in the morning. Latin can wait."

Bella nodded, slipping away before either of them decided to hold her back for any longer. Her eyes were finally starting to get heavier now that she was safe inside the castle again, the late hour weighing on her. Before making her way to her room, she decided to check her messages on one of the library's computers, hoping the lack of anxiety to read them in the morning would help her fall asleep. She also thought of the books she had abandoned on the table, deciding to put them away before going to bed.

Throwing herself at the library doors to push them open, Bella jumped and nearly tripped on her own feet when she saw Demetri in the armchair she had occupied earlier, impeccable in his smoky grey clothes, legs crossed elegantly and hands clasped together. Her books were still thrown around on the table in front of him, just as she had left them. He stared at her reproachfully from underneath his dark eyebrows, the dark look he gave her sending a shiver down her spine.

"And where have you been?"

Baulking, Bella inhaled slowly. She had the absurd feeling he was scolding her, but he couldn't be, could he? She knew she had permission to leave the castle at any hour, and neither Jane nor Alec had used the main doors. Jane did say they were sneaking out, and now Bella couldn't help but think they were avoiding Demetri earlier. He stared pointedly at her, waiting for her answer with quiet patience.

"Out," she finally croaked, "with Jane and Alec."

Demetri quirked an eyebrow. "Out with Jane and Alec," he repeated incredulously.

Bella crossed her arms. "Which is allowed," she amended, trying to sound confident and failing. Demetri chuckled.

"Of course it is."

She changed the weight of her body from one foot to another, looking down awkwardly. She wasn't sure now that she wanted to get closer to him when he seemed to be chastising her, and reading her messages was off the table now anyway.

Get a grip, he won't bite.

With the way he was looking at her, she wasn't so sure of that.

"Were you looking for me?"

That gave him pause. She had the impression he was momentarily disconcerted, though he recomposed himself so quickly she couldn't be sure.

"I just couldn't find you," he admitted uncomfortably.

Oh, right. That ought to make him uncomfortable. After a second of having the upper hand, Bella was pushed against the wall again.

"And what did you do outside with Jane and Alec?" Demetri asked, his face back to its previous stern expression.

Bella stretched her toes inside her sneakers before nervously walking over to him. Sitting across from him in the other armchair, she leaned forward, perching herself on its edge before answering.

"They just showed me where everything is, so I don't get lost going out by myself."

Demetri leaned forward as well, mirroring her. "How generous of them."

She took notice of his gesture, ignoring the mocking tone of his remark. She remembered Alec's instructions and his bet with Jane.

It couldn't be, could it?

Her heartbeat quickened as she considered following said instructions. What were the implications of it, and what was she supposed to discover? Her suspicions were too absurd to be voiced; in fact, they felt too absurd to even think about. She considered waking Gianna up instead of waiting for the morning, just so she could ask the secretary what was plaguing her mind.

"It was in good time. My father sent me some of my things and now I know where the post office is. Won't need a guide to go get them."

Demetri smiled, resting his elbow on his knee and his chin on his hand. "It's good to see you're making yourself at home. And studying as well. I must say, I have been worried. I have suggested to Master Aro calling in a psychologist for you."

"What?"

She shook her head, eyes wide with mortification. A psychologist? There was no way she would have therapy around all these powerful ears, especially with someone who would be there just for her. She was enough of a burden as it was.

"He told me to give you time and have some faith. Your recent progress makes me think he was right."

Oh, thank God.

"I'm fine. I mean, I'm doing much better. My father could attest to that if he was here." She thought of her catatonic phase in Forks, when Charlie considered sending her away to a facility. "I've been feeling more and more like doing things. I think I'm just taking some time to come back to myself after… everything."

"I hope I get to meet him," Demetri commented. "Your father."

"You do?"

She felt uneasy. If she was really going to test him, now seemed like a good moment. She should take advantage of the fact that they were alone. She didn't want to think of what could happen or what she would do if she was wrong, but she wanted to think of what would happen if she was right even less.

It won't mean anything. You're just testing the waters.

She told herself that she had done it before, months ago in La Push, when she wanted information out of Jacob, but the truth was that this was nothing like it. Demetri wasn't a fourteen-year-old human with a crush on her. If she was wrong, the embarrassment would be simply crushing. She would never be able to look him in the eye again. He would probably never help her with anything ever again, either.

Jane and Alec were obvious enough with their childish provocations, she argued with herself. There was little subtlety in their jabs. Contrary to what Jane believed, she wasn't that stupid. Still, asking Gianna about it first would be more prudent.

She studied the vampire in front of her, heart pounding as she considered what to do. He could hear how fast it was beating, giving away her nervousness, but she couldn't think of that. If she did it now or some other time, he would hear it all the same.

Come on, Bella.

She hadn't seen him for days. The first time she stepped outside, he appeared, like he was keeping track of her whereabouts. That couldn't be a coincidence, could it? Did he keep track of everyone?

Go on, get up. Go over there and touch him.

"You should go to bed," he said, eyeing her suspiciously. Her pulse quickened even more."I'll put the books away for you."

She nodded, decidedly giving up on using the computer.

Now. Do it now.

"Thanks." She got up.

Naturally. It's going to be fine. He is in your way to the door, just touch him as you pass him by. Casually.

God, she was going to faint.

There was no way she would have a peaceful night of sleep now.

To hell with it.

She made her way over to him, stopping by his side. As fluidly as she could, she took one hand to his forehead, slipping her fingers through his hair.

It was like the entire world stopped.

He turned into a statue. As her fingers slid across his scalp, pushing his hair back, he ceased breathing altogether. His eyes turned into such a dark shade of black that she couldn't differentiate his irises from his pupils, the pitch black shade overtaking his gaze as if he were possessed. It took her all her nerve to keep going, slowly and smoothly, brushing the strands away from his face until her hand was completely disentangled from his hair. She couldn't help but notice how incredibly soft it was, and as untimely as the realisation hit her, she thought her hair must have felt absolutely unpleasant to him in comparison every time he had touched it.

As her hand fell to her side, he snapped out of his trance.

"Bella," he breathed, and it sounded like a warning.

Oh, God. What now? What was that?

Was that enough of a reaction? She could do it again, just to be sure. Tentatively, she took a loose strand of his hair around her index finger and tucked it behind his ear. His lips parted, a soft hiss passing through them.

She pretended not to notice.

"I'll be going then." She put her hands in her pockets. "Good night."

He didn't answer her, his eyes travelling from her face to the hand she used to touch him. For a moment, she thought he was going to reach for her, but he didn't move. As soon as she was sure it was safe, she turned her back on him.

She all but ran out of the library, hands sweating inside her pockets, praying he was shocked enough not to follow her.

Oh, God. No, no, no, no.

Her mind was in disarray as she headed to her room. She thought of Edward, feeling the now familiar, horrible guilt again. It occurred to her that she had been in Volterra for longer than they had dated before he left her in Forks, her perception of time becoming wrapped and meaningless with that realisation. She felt awful, dislocated and insane, and cursed herself for the hundredth time for throwing the pills away. She wished her father could be there, as selfish as it made her. She wished anyone was there to assure her that she was not crazy, and that she wasn't a horrible, self-centred person using people for her own goals as she went through life.

No, she wasn't doing that, not to Demetri. Of that she was almost sure. As soon as the sun was up, she would go to Gianna's room and question her.

She just couldn't understand how she could be doing better when he was still away. How could she be healing if they were apart? She knew she should be healing, but it felt wrong.

And now this.

Whatever that was.

Slamming her bedroom door behind her, she considered locking it. There was no point, of course. She was sure everyone in the castle would have the key, even Gianna. It was useless.

When she threw herself on her bed, removing her jacket and kicking her shoes off, she immediately had another crisis.

The bedsheets she had changed days ago smelled like Demetri again.

She didn't get up right away. For a second, she buried her face in the mattress and inhaled deeply to be sure. There was no mistaking it. She would never forget that smell.

He had been there. In her room. In her bed, again.

When she wasn't even there.

He was looking for you. You knew that.

He didn't have to touch her bed to look for her, did he? He didn't even need to look for her in the first place; she only went out for a few hours.

She was going to be completely out of her mind in seven years, she was sure.

Sighing, she turned it all off. The whole situation was absurd enough that when she thought that at least the smell would help her fall asleep, she didn't feel any crazier for it. It was nice to be able to admit that to herself in the privacy of her own thoughts, untouched as they were by everyone around them. Unbound from self-consciousness and shame, she allowed herself that small slice of truth: he brought her comfort, whatever the reason for that was. She liked his touch and his presence. She enjoyed his company. The smell of his skin on her bedsheets helped her fall asleep the last time, and she knew it would help her again this time.

Tomorrow. Read into this tomorrow, not now.

She closed her eyes in the dark, repeating it like a mantra. Tomorrow, not today.

Today, she would be honest with herself. Tomorrow was another day.