Chapter 2
A couple days later, Caitlin found herself excited for her date. She hadn't really imagined herself going out with anyone for… well, a few reasons, really. There would always be a part of her that was hesitant to date because of Ronnie, feeling irrationally guilty for moving on even if she knew that he would want her to. Then there was the fact that the last relationship she had clearly had ended up scarring her for life, even if she was better than she was before, so that certainly didn't help anything. It also didn't help that her recent discovery of her powers and how they were trying to consume her prevented her from wanting to get closer to anyone than she had to since she had no idea where they came from nor did she know how to control them. And then there was the main reason… one that she had barely allowed herself to admit.
It had been extremely difficult for her to accept, but it was one that she couldn't deny: She had feelings for Barry Allen. It wasn't anything to do with him, she just knew that the possibility of them ever being together was nigh-impossible. Barry had been madly in love with Iris since they were kids, and she had been in love with Ronnie, even if she had unconsciously developed feelings for Barry while she had thought Ronnie was dead. Then, they had managed to get Ronnie back, only for him to go off and learn his new abilities with Dr. Stein. In spite of just having gotten Ronnie back after believing him to be dead, she hadn't been as upset as she believed that she would be upon learning that he would have to leave again.
Thanks to her friends and her job, and knowing that Ronnie was alive, she had decided that she did fine on her own and, although she would miss Ronnie, that she had a good life as it was. She didn't need him like she thought she had, which she supposed was a sign that she hadn't let herself realize that she didn't quite love him the way she did before his 'death'. Then came the day she would never forget: The day Everyman, disguised as Barry, kissed her. She had no clue about her feelings for Barry before, having been caught up on Ronnie as she had been, but once she had found herself melting in the kiss with who she had thought was Barry, she couldn't deny it. At least, not logically, anyway.
After Everyman had been caught, allowing herself to sort through her feelings once she had gotten some time to herself, she had finally admitted to herself that she had feelings for Barry. She wasn't sure how deep those feelings for him ran, but she knew that they had to be pretty strong for her to kiss him back while her heart had been with Ronnie. She had always thought Ronnie was the One for her, and he might have been for all she knew, but what she did know was that she had somehow developed strong feelings for Barry even when she had gotten him back.
Regardless, her feelings for Barry had proven to be inconsequential, due to the fact that she had little to no idea if Barry felt the same way about her. It also didn't help that they had soon after discovered the futuristic newspaper that revealed that Barry would marry Iris. Because of this, and because she still loved Ronnie and took it to mean that they just weren't meant to be, she had decided to act like the Everyman incident had never even happened.
It had worked for the most part. She was pretty good at hiding her true feelings, being the guarded person that she was, after all. But there had always been a part of her that couldn't help but wonder what a relationship with Barry would be like, even if she had been content that she had finally been able to marry Ronnie like she had wanted to. She knew that she would be happy with Ronnie, and she cared enough about Barry to want him to be happy when he inevitably ended up with Iris, so she had let go of her feelings and decided to be happy for him and took solace in knowing that she and Ronnie would have a happy life together as well.
But then Ronnie had sacrificed himself to stop the singularity, leaving her a brand new widow after having just been a brand new bride. It had hurt a lot to say the least, having lost Ronnie twice, but she was more prepared this time around. Even if it was short, she had finally gotten her desire for Ronnie to be her husband, and she would always treasure the time that they spent together.
However, after some time away from Team Flash when she had worked at Mercury Labs and talking with Barry about the Ronnie situation, she had decided that it was long past time for her to finally move on from him. He would always hold a place in her heart, but she was truly ready to move on. And in spite of the fact that she still had feelings for Barry, she knew that she couldn't do anything, anyway. It was clear that he and Iris were destined for each other, and that Barry had never seen her as anything more than a friend, even if she wouldn't truly know for sure unless she told him how she felt. Unfortunately for her, she was not willing to take the risk since it seemed that he was going to eventually get the girl of his dreams, and she supposed that now she would never know.
At any rate, she had seen fit to just stay friends with Barry and hid her feelings, and so she had met Jay. Or, at least who she had thought was Jay, anyway. It had gone well, until it hadn't, and it still annoyed her greatly that she had grieved for a man who was so willing to murder an infinite amount of people across the multiverse.
Worse yet, when Zoom had traded Wally for Barry's speed, he had almost murdered Barry immediately after. Caitlin, having lost so much as it was, couldn't stand the thought of losing Barry as well, even if she knew that she would never get to have him for herself. So, she had pleaded with Hunter, knowing that some part of him had truly cared for her, and had managed to get him to spare the man she cared deeply for. Which of course had resulted in her being immediately kidnapped afterward, where she had witnessed her doppelganger be killed in defense of her and then watched the man she had almost fallen in love with go on more murder sprees as he attempted to take over her earth. And after all of that, she had finally watched him be taken alive by time wraiths where he would be forced to serve the speed force for eternity as a ghoulish shell of himself. Needless to say, she had been okay with not dating anyone for a while.
If things had been different with Barry, she may have made an exception, but she knew that it simply wasn't going to happen. In spite of the fact that Barry had recently acted weird around Jason who had been quite open with his affections toward her. She didn't know what it was about Jason that had miffed him so, but the man had been nothing but kind to everyone, even when they were treating him as a hostile threat. Granted, she knew that everyone was going to be wary after all that had happened when they had let Jay into their lives, but Jason had gone out of his way to show that he was only there for her and that he meant her no harm. Did she completely trust him? Of course not, but she was giving him the benefit of the doubt. And thanks to his efforts, as long as she had the bracelet that he had gifted her, she was confident that she would be safe. And now she was currently very much looking forward to their date.
Ronnie was in her past and Barry was a dream that would never come to be, and Jason was a kind and caring man who very nearly adored her, which she would have thought to be impossible had she never met Ronnie. There was still a part of her that wished it was Barry she was going to dinner with, but she knew she had to let him go. She would always care about him, but she cared for him enough to let him be happy with Iris, no matter how much it hurt sometimes. She cared enough about him to put his happiness before hers. Besides, despite Jason being from another earth, she felt confident that the two of them just might work out in the end.
Putting some finishing touches on her make up, she took one last look in the employee bathroom of Star Labs and was satisfied with her appearance. She had chosen to wear the same dress she had worn with Barry when they had gone to that southside dive bar, and had curled her hair as she waited for 7 o'clock to come. After texting Jason and agreeing that he would take her to her favorite Italian restaurant, he had told her that he would be picking her up in a car so that he would be able to transport her without having to use his speed to get them where they needed to go. That worked fine for her, because although there was a certain rush from being run at hundreds of miles per hour, it often left her hair a mess and made her feel a little queasy.
Making sure she had all of her things in her purse, she slung it over her shoulder and exited the bathroom, unintentionally hitting Barry hard as he managed to be in the right place at just the wrong time. "Oh, Barry!" she exclaimed in worry as she saw him holding onto his nose with his hands, clearly having gotten hit fairly hard. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he assured her as he took a few deep breaths, his healing factor working overtime for a few moments before the pain went away. "All better now."
Letting out a sigh of relief, she gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hit you. I had no idea that you were out here."
Laughing at this as he rubbed his nose which still was a little hurt, but nowhere near as it had been, he replied. "Yeah, me neither." Finally letting himself look up at her, he gasped as he saw her in that all too familiar outfit that she had worn from what felt like so long ago. "Wow, Cait… You look… really nice. I mean- not that you don't always look really nice, but I-I," he found himself stuttering wildly, feeling like he was in high school all over again.
Giggling at this, Caitlin gave him a gentle smile as she tucked her hair behind her ear and responded. "Thanks, Barry."
"Is that… the dress you wore when we were looking for Shawna Baez?" he found himself asking curiously with a hint of something that Caitlin couldn't quite pick up on as he stared at her, making her wonder what was going through his mind.
"Uh, yeah, it is," she answered easily as she looked down at what she was wearing. "I don't have a lot of date dresses, and this one's my favorite."
"Are you sure about that?" Barry exaggerated a doubting frown, making her giggle again as he smiled, having always loved her laugh. "Cause the last time I saw you wearing it, I'm pretty sure you called it evil."
"Well, I was drunk then," she reminded him simply as she crossed her arms over her chest with a shrug. "Drunk me and not drunk me are pretty different."
Chuckling at this, Barry shook his head. "Oh, I don't know about that. Drunk Caitlin may be a little bit more loose, but regular Caitlin is still pretty fun, too."
Finding herself smiling shyly as she heard this, she asked. "You think so?"
"Of course," Barry told her with a wide smile, finding himself thinking that she looked particularly cute when she was shy. Normally, thoughts like these would have sent him through a loop, but his mind had been thinking about Caitlin and Iris quite a bit over the last couple days. Between the points that Jason had made about both of the most important women in his life and finding himself wondering if he felt something for Caitlin more than friendship, certain thoughts that he never realized he'd been thinking had come to the forefront as he spent time with her. Like how her smile radiated in the room when someone told a funny joke, how beautiful she looked in the glow of the moonlight, how her doe eyes were a deep brown that he could stare into for some time and not want to look away. It had been strange coming to terms with these thoughts, and he still wasn't sure whether what he felt for her was strictly platonic or not, but he had to admit that Jason had a point: Caitlin was a beautiful, kind, caring girl who had always been there for him, and he knew that there was a more than fair chance that he had feelings for her. "Regular Caitlin is quite the catch herself."
Blushing a little, she smiled and looked away. "Well, I hope Jason thinks so," she shrugged without looking at him, making him frown a little as he was reminded of just why she was currently wearing what drunk her had dubbed 'The Evil Dress'. He had known that they were going on a date, but a part of him had been hoping that it would fall through somehow. It was selfish and stupid, he knew, especially given that he was currently dating Iris, but he couldn't help it. He was beginning to see Caitlin in a new light that he should have seen long ago, and in spite of the fact that there was still a part of him that wanted to try things with Iris, there was also a part of him that had realized that Jason was right: Iris had chosen Eddie before he had killed himself to save him. And now that he had fully allowed himself to realize that, he was not sure whether he was okay or not with being Iris' consolation prize.
Deciding to put these thoughts to the side for the moment, he could see that she was nervous and, despite the fact that he still was wanting her not to go, knew that he couldn't let her go on doubting herself. "I know he will, Cait. He's already made it clear he likes you a lot, and who can blame him? You're… really special. Any guy would be lucky to have you."
Caitlin bit her lip as she listened to the kind words he said about her, once again finding herself wondering if maybe she had been wrong. Between the way Barry was looking at her and the way he spoke about her, it didn't seem to be just friendly admiration. However, she knew better than to assume anything. If she was to believe that Barry liked her as more than friends, she would need much more solid evidence. Not to mention the fact that he was still with Iris. Shaking off her thoughts, she gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks, Barry. That means a lot coming from you." The two smiled at each other as they looked into each other's eyes, finding that they didn't want to look away for anything.
"Yo, Caitlin! Are you ready for your date?" Cisco asked excitedly as he came walking into the room with a big smile on his face, making Barry frown as he saw how happy his friend was that Caitlin was going out with Jason.
Forcing herself to break eye contact with Barry, she smiled and nodded at him. "Of course. I know it's kind of weird that he knows so much more about me than I know about him, but I'm hoping that we can change that soon."
"I'm sure you will," Cisco wagged his eyebrows goofily at her, making her laugh as she shook her head at him. "Dude seems like a great guy. I'm sure you'll have a great time with him."
Feeling that same burning feeling in his stomach as he looked over at Cisco and saw that his other best friend truly was all for Jason, Barry muttered. "He's not that great."
"Uh, dude, are you kidding?" Cisco raised a brow at him, clearly having heard him even though Barry hadn't meant him to. "Jason is awesome! Guy's a total bro, and he talked my ear off about Caitlin when we played video games together last night."
Blushing deeply, Caitlin smiled nervously and shyly asked. "He talked about me?"
"Dude!" Barry complained, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest from Caitlin's reaction and choosing to focus on the Cisco situation since it was easier to deal with. "You played video games without me?"
Putting up his hands in surrender, Cisco replied apologetically. "Sorry dude, but you were with Iris and I wanted to hang out with Jason. The guy's a beast at Mario Kart and Mortal Kombat."
"Dude!" Barry protested, knowing that he was being irrational, but he couldn't help it. Those were his and Cisco's favorite games, and he did not like hearing that one of his closest friends appeared to be having tons of fun without him.
"Barry, relax," Caitlin interjected before their conversation could escalate as she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Just because Cisco had fun with Jason doesn't mean that he's his new best friend."
"But, he could be," Cisco teased, withering under the glare that Caitlin shot him as he backtracked. "I was kidding! Sheesh, woman!"
Smirking at this, Caitlin gave him a nod of approval before looking back at Barry with a sympathetic smile. "Look, Barry. I know that things have been a little… weird since Jason came here, but I really think you should try to get along with him. He's a great guy and I think you guys would really get along if you gave him a chance."
"How do you know he's a great guy, Cait?" Barry argued as he did his best not to lose his cool. It was bad enough that Cisco appeared to be already thinking of the guy as a close friend, but it stung worse that Caitlin was already calling him a great guy after having only known him for a few days. The more upset he became, the more likely the idea of him being jealous seemed plausible, but he wasn't willing to admit it yet. "We barely know him, and for all we know he could be after something from us."
"Like what, Barry?" Caitlin asked seriously with her hands on her hips in exasperation. "He's a speedster and a breacher. What could he possibly want from us? From me? Besides, he's made it pretty clear the reason he came here in the first place was for me. Not for Team Flash."
"He could be lying, Cait," Barry told her seriously as he stepped closer to her, ignoring the random desire to end their conversation in a way that would make Iris very unhappy, stamping it down and pretending it didn't even happen as he continued. "We just met him, and are we just supposed to trust him because he wants to make sure you feel safe while he takes you on a date?"
"Of course not, Barry! We can keep our guards up around him while giving him a chance!" she admonished him as she grew more serious, wondering what in the world was going on with him to make him be so hard-hearted towards Jason. "I know you feel guilty about what happened with Jay, but it wasn't your fault. He fooled us all."
"Yes, it is, Cait," Barry insisted as he stepped closer to her, finding his previous desire that he wouldn't allow himself to admit having bubbling up again as he looked into her eyes. "I knew that I shouldn't trust him, but I let him trick me, anyway. And it ended up with you being scarred for life, my dad being murdered in front of me, and Joe, Wally, and you being kidnapped! Do you know how worried I was about you and couldn't get you back because I didn't have my speed?!"
Caitlin's mouth opened and closed as she struggled to respond, clearly not having thought that he had been so worried about her kidnapping. "I-I didn't know."
Laughing sarcastically at this, Barry leaned back against the wall and looked at her as he thought back to that day. "I know you didn't. I couldn't let myself show how worried I was because I needed to be strong for everyone, but I was. You're the reason I'm alive, Cait, and if I hadn't lost my speed, I wouldn't have waited a second to go after you."
Being surprised at the intensity in his voice, she found herself speechless as he let out a sigh, clearly having said too much. Forcing himself to look at her, he put on a gentle smile. "Look, Cait. I know you really like this guy, and I promise I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, but I need you to promise me that you'll keep your guard up until we know for sure that he doesn't want anything from us. I let my guard down once and it resulted in one of the worst years of my life. I can't lose anyone else. I just can't."
Stepping forward, she put a comforting hand on his face as she looked him in the eyes, causing a small blush to appear on his cheeks as she did so. "I promise you, Barry, you won't. I may like Jason, but I don't trust him, and it's going to take some time before I do. But I can't and won't just brush him off because of what Jay did. Especially when he's gone to such lengths to make sure that I would feel safe when I go out with him."
Letting out a sigh, Barry nodded and decided that this was the best he was going to get. "Alright, just… be careful, Cait." Smiling a little, he decided to ease the tension with what he knew would be a poor joke. "Well, on the bright side, if he does decide to kidnap you at least I have my speed back to be able to save you." Caitlin raised a brow at him and he smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I know, sorry. Bad joke. I'm sure he won't. But I promise that if he does that I'll come for you the second that I know."
Smiling in gratitude, she whispered. "Thanks, Barry." Barry smiled back at her, still not being happy that she was going on the date, but being glad that at least she wasn't letting her guard down.
Cisco looked between the two with curiosity as he appeared to be seeing something he never had before. Sure, Barry and Caitlin had always been pretty close since Barry had become the Flash, but this was… different. The way they were looking at each other was not platonic, and after watching their serious conversation about Caitlin's date and how Barry had felt when she had been kidnapped, he couldn't help but wonder if there was something more between the two of them than just friendship.
Unfortunately for him, he had not been given much time to ponder on this as not long after Jason finally came walking in. "Hey, guys!" he greeted them pleasantly before looking at Caitlin, his breath catching in his throat as he took her in. "Wow, Cait. You look beautiful." Caitlin flushed and bit her lip before giving him a smile as he drank her in.
Becoming alarmed at this, and not at all liking that Jason had jumped to calling her by her nickname in such a short time, Barry felt another fit of burning… yes, jealousy he finally allowed himself to admit, at this. Things seemed to be progressing way too quickly between them, and he did not like it one bit.
"Thanks, Jason," she shyly told him as she looked back at him, drinking in his appearance as well as she admired him in his button-up shirt and jeans with a trench coat over his shirt. "You look pretty great yourself."
"Thanks," he laughed as he turned to look at Cisco and grinned. "What's up, Cis?"
"Not much, Jas," Cisco grinned as he gave him a bro hug, making Barry roll his eyes as he did his best not to let what he now knew with certainty to be jealousy get out of control. Did he really also have to have his own special nicknames with his other best friend? It was bad enough that he was taking Caitlin out on a date. He didn't need this guy to steal his other best friend, too. "Now, as Caitlin's kind of brother, I have to warn you that if you hurt her, I'll hurt you."
"Don't worry, Cis. You know I'll treat her like the beautiful, amazing girl she is," he assured him while sparing a wink at Caitlin, making her beam at his compliment as Barry felt himself begin to fume as he saw this.
Laughing joyfully, Cisco nodded and gave him another bro hug. "I know you will, man. I just have to say it." Turning to look at Caitlin, he grinned and said. "Have fun, you two."
"Thanks, Cisco," Caitlin laughed and shook her head at him before turning to Jason who held his arm out for her in a gentlemanly way.
"Shall we?"
Smiling as she wrapped her arms around his, she nodded and said. "Let's." Looking over her shoulder with her smile intact, it dropped a little as she saw that Barry had taken on another frown, but decided not to think too much of it. Barry clearly didn't trust the guy, but he was just going to have to deal with it. Hopefully, time would prove her right and Jason would turn out to be a great guy like she believed he was, but she supposed there was only one way to find out.
"Bye, Barry!" she called to him, giving him a gentle smile before looking back ahead so she could see where she was going.
Ignoring the raging jealousy in his gut, Barry smiled weakly and whispered back. "Bye, Cait." He frowned a little when Jason leaned in to whisper in her ear, causing a giggle to escape her before the two disappeared from sight. Now that he had finally allowed himself to admit that he was jealous, he knew that there was a part of him that wanted to run after her and do something to stop their date, but he couldn't. Even if he was certain that he wanted to be with her and not with Iris, which he wasn't quite yet, he still didn't know for sure that she did like him as anything more than friends, anyway.
After all, just because Jason had pointed out some things that he hadn't noticed before didn't guarantee that she really did feel more for him than just friendship. Not to mention the fact that she was clearly excited for this date, and how could he ruin that for her? After all that had happened with Jay, she deserved to go out on a date with a guy who would hopefully treat her right without being a psychopath. And although he wished he knew for sure whether Jason would turn out to be a good guy or not, he knew the only way would be to let things progress while watching him.
Besides, regardless of how things went between her and Jason, Barry needed to figure out if he was okay with being simply Iris' consolation prize. He still wasn't sure what exactly Jason's angle had been by talking to him about this, but even though it had caused him much grief over the last few days, he was glad that he had. As much as he loved Iris, he was not happy at the thought of being her second choice. His parents had freely chosen each other with no one getting in their way, and that's what he had wanted, too. Even though Eddie was no longer with them, he would now never be able to forget that in spite of everything they'd been through, how he had poured out his heart to her and let her know how much she meant to him, that she had still chosen to marry the man she had known for a little over a year. And now he wasn't sure if he could be with her while knowing that.
These last few days had also helped him see her in a different filter, too. Before, he had been so caught up on her that he had nearly idolized her, unintentionally putting her on a pedestal and acting like she was the perfect girl for him. But the truth was, that she wasn't. Did they get along well? Absolutely. They were best friends, after all. However, his examination of her character with a less-biased pair of eyes had revealed things that he didn't like about her, which he previously hadn't really thought possible. The way she had always commented on his physique in comparison to others like Oliver without caring about how that would affect him, knowing that he wasn't super confident in his looks in the first place. He also hadn't liked how she had messed with his relationship with Linda. Sure, it had been short, but he had been trying to move on and the second she saw him with someone else she had decided, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to say something to Linda that would put a strain on her and Barry's relationship. He understood that Iris hadn't really known how to deal with her feelings for him, but that didn't make it okay for her to do that. He knew he couldn't talk, as he had been hoping that something would happen between her and Eddie to make them break up, even going as far as to flirt with her under the guise of the Flash when he knew that she had a boyfriend.
At any rate, he knew he couldn't judge her too much on that, but he wasn't proud of what he did, either, and he was trying to be better about that. Which was part of why now that he knew he had feelings for Caitlin that he wasn't doing anything. But Iris had been acting strangely around Caitlin since Jason had shown up, and he couldn't help but wonder if she had picked up on what he had only just now let himself admit. He'd noticed that she had been kind, but there was something in her eyes as she looked at her friend that hadn't seemed right, and he couldn't help but wonder if she blamed Caitlin for his quite recent change in behavior towards her.
He hadn't intended to show his inner struggle when he was around her, but he couldn't always help it. He was seeing her in a new light, too. One where she wasn't the near perfect girl he had always thought she was. The best he could figure was that the girl he had fallen in love with as a kid was not the girl he was currently with now. She had changed, and although he knew that they could still have a happy life together, he wasn't sure if he wanted to anymore from all that he had allowed himself to realize in his examination of his feelings for her.
There would always be a part of him that loved her if things didn't work out between them, but ever since Jason had helped open his eyes, he was starting to see that Iris wasn't quite as perfect for him as he had thought she was. She had been a great help to him during his childhood, and she would always be his best friend no matter what he decided, but he was just now realizing that just because she was his first love and he had admired her deeply did not mean that she was necessarily the right fit for him.
After somewhat going on that double date with Felicity, Iris, and Eddie, he had come to the conclusion that opposites attracted. And although he of course was attracted to Iris, that alone was not reason enough to justify continuing to chase after her. Felicity and Oliver were a special case, as their strengths supported the other's weaknesses, but the only thing that he could think of in which Iris helped him were the pep talks she would give him. Her encouraging words and kindness had helped him through much of his childhood and his early days as the Flash, but he had been wrong when he told her that there was no Flash without her. It had been his drive to help people and his desire to set his father free from prison that had driven him to become the Flash, not her. He now knew that he hadn't been honest with himself, and had been hoping that saying the right words would sway her to him.
He had been wrong, however, as despite the fact that he had poured out his heart to her, she had still chosen Eddie. And even though their talks and time together would always be some of his most treasured memories, he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue down this path with her. He still wasn't sure, and he would have to make this decision regardless of whether Caitlin really did like him the way Jason claimed she did, but he knew that he was going to have to decide quickly if he was going to end things cleanly between them.
"Hey man, you okay?"
Snapping out of his thoughts, he saw that Cisco was still there and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I've just been… thinking a lot lately," he admitted quietly on the off chance that Caitlin had forgotten something.
Deciding that his friend needed someone to talk to about this, Cisco walked over to the opposite wall and leaned back against it before asking. "Want to share your thoughts with your best friend?"
Raising a brow at him, Barry decided to tease him and joked. "What? You mean Caitlin since you and Jason seem to be best buddies now?" He had been joking, but the slight hurt that he felt from what he had seen clearly seeped through, and Cisco saw what was happening.
"Look, man. I know things have been weird between us all with Jason showing up, but you don't have to worry about him," Cisco laughed and shook his head at his friend. "The dude may be pretty cool, but he's not you, Barry. And even if Caitlin really likes him, I'm sure she'd say the same thing."
Finding himself relieved to hear this, even if he knew that he was being ridiculous, he laughed and nodded. "Thanks, Cisco. I understand that you want to be friends with him, and that's cool and all, just… try not to forget about your oldest speedster friend, huh?"
"I think you mean bestest speedster friend," Cisco grinned as he stepped forward and reached out a hand, making Barry smile as he took it and brought him in for a bro hug. "Besides, just because our group dynamics change when we meet new people doesn't mean that we're going to change. No matter who walks in or out of that door, Team Flash at its core will always be me, you, and Caitlin."
That thought was quite comforting to Barry, and he couldn't help but smile as he found that he was glad to have such good friends. No matter what happened with Iris, he knew that he would always have them, even if Caitlin did end up with Jason. He wasn't going to allow himself to think about that possibility right now, but it made him feel better to know that he had friends who he could always count on regardless of what happened in the future.
"You're right," Barry agreed as he clasped Cisco on the shoulder. "And I wouldn't have it any other way." Cisco grinned and motioned for him to follow as he began walking back out towards the cortex.
"So," he began slowly as he wondered how to bring this up, knowing that it would be hard to get anything concrete from Barry given that the situation was complex. "About Caitlin."
Being confused at this, Barry raised a brow and questioned. "What about her?" What his friend said next took him completely by surprise.
"How long have you liked her?"
If he had been drinking something, he likely would have spit it out due to how unexpected this had been coming from Cisco, making him choke on air instead as Cisco found himself trying his best and failing not to smirk as he watched his friend attempt to compose himself from his own reaction to the question.
"What… what do you mean?" Barry finally managed to get out as he tried acting like nothing had happened, but he could see the firm smirk on Cisco's face that said he had definitely noticed his reaction to the question. "I don't-" He stopped as Cisco gave him a look, making him sigh as he slumped back against a desk. "Is it that obvious?"
"It wasn't until about ten minutes ago," Cisco smugly told him as he sat down at his desk and gestured for Barry to do the same in case he had another fit from their conversation. "You've learned since Iris to play your cards close to your chest, but you let it slip when you got majorly jealous and worried over her going on the date with Jason."
"Well, how do you know I wasn't just worried for her? You know, after the whole Zoom incident?" Barry shot back as he crossed his arms over his chest in defiance.
Cisco snorted as he took a sip of his coffee, it being cold long ago but needing the caffeine since he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep the night before while playing video games with Jason. Not that he was going to tell Barry that, of course. "Oh please. I've only seen you be that worried over Iris, and the way you guys were talking and looking at each other was not platonic."
Barry opened his mouth to argue pointlessly against this, but he stopped himself as his mind seemed to register what his friend said. "Wait, you guys?" he asked with a raised brow, wondering if Cisco had noticed something that he hadn't.
"Uh, yeah, you guys," Cisco chuckled as he took another sip of his coffee. "Did you not notice the way she touched your face was something straight out of a romance novel?"
He hadn't thought much of that, given that Caitlin was naturally affectionate once her guard was let down, but he supposed it could be seen as a romantic gesture. It wasn't anything concrete, but it did give him a little hope that she did like him the way he now knew he liked her, even if he still wasn't sure whether he was ready to give up Iris yet or not.
"I guess, but that doesn't prove anything," the scarlet speedster decided to shrug since it wasn't anything that would help him know for sure. "Caitlin's a pretty affectionate person when she's used to someone."
"Oh, please," Cisco scoffed as he shook his head at his friend's stubbornness. "I've been working with Caitlin since before either of us even knew you existed, and I never once saw her do that to Ronnie."
Feeling an abrupt sense of hope fill his heart, Barry couldn't help but ask. "Really?" Cisco grinned and nodded, but Barry stopped himself before he could let himself sink more into the problem than he already was. Even if Caitlin did like him more than as a friend, he still had the Iris situation to figure out, and he knew that he couldn't do or say anything to let Caitlin know how he felt until he was sure what he was going to do about Iris.
Knowing this, Barry sighed and slumped back into his chair. "It doesn't matter right now, anyway. I still don't know what to do about Iris."
"Really? Having trouble in West-Allen paradise?" Cisco remarked sarcastically as he looked at his friend curiously, watching Barry nod as he found himself wondering what was going on with his friend. "What happened to disrupt that? Was it Caitlin?"
"No, no. Or, at least… not all of it was Caitlin," Barry corrected as he found himself fidgeting with his fingers. "It started the day that Jason showed up in the cortex." Barry then went on to explain to him their conversation, and how Jason had thanked him for not seeing Caitlin as an option so that he would have a chance while pointing out things that seemed to show that Caitlin felt more for him than just friends while also showing him that Iris wasn't quite the dream girl he had thought she was.
"Wait, wait, so you're saying Jason showed you that Iris wasn't all that you cracked her up to be and that Caitlin might have feelings for you?" Cisco asked with a little disbelief, watching as Barry nodded in affirmation. "Why would he do that? Dude's crazy about her." Barry flashed him a look and Cisco's face fell. "Sorry."
Deciding to ignore that last comment, even if he could see that it was true, he sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I thought maybe at first he was gloating since he knows way more about us and our lives than we know about his, but I really just don't know. What I do know is that he definitely likes Caitlin, and she really likes him, too."
"That may be," Cisco agreed reluctantly. "But that doesn't mean she can't really like you, too. If what he said is true, it sounds like she developed feelings for you even when she had Ronnie back."
"Yeah, I guess so," Barry shrugged as he thought about it. "But right now, it doesn't matter. I still have to figure out what to do about the Iris situation. I mean… I've been in love with her for so long, and I've always wanted to be with her. But after talking to Jason and seeing that she's not quite who I made her out to be, and the fact that she chose Eddie over me even after I poured my heart out to her, I… I just don't know if I can settle for being her second choice."
Cisco remained silent for a moment as he looked at his friend, wondering how he could help without being too biased. "Do you want me to be straight up with you, full honesty with my actual opinion and maybe just a little bit of bias, or do you want me to give you an ambiguous answer so you can figure it out on your own?"
Although Barry had thought that he would have to figure it out on his own, he realized that it would be wise to consult his closest friend outside of Iris on what he thought would be the best decision to make. "Straight up," he finally answered after a few moments of thought, making Cisco smile in relief since he had been hoping he would allow him to put his two cents in, even if he knew there was a good chance that he wasn't going to like it.
"Iris is great and all," Cisco began carefully, knowing that Barry had been crazy about her for a long time and that he would need to be delicate about how he talked about her. "But honestly, man… I think you can do better."
Barry was surprised at this, despite having somewhat expected this since Cisco had made it clear that he wouldn't hold back too much if given the chance. "Really?"
"Yeah, I think so," Cisco warily affirmed as he shrugged, knowing that Barry probably wasn't going to like this, but he had asked him if he wanted him to be honest and he had agreed to this. "Don't get me wrong, she's a cool girl. She's nice, and cares about you a lot, and is pretty hot-" he stopped as he saw Barry give him a look, wincing as he realized his mistake. "Sorry. Anyway, she's a cool girl, but… Whether you realized it or not, the way you obsessed over her as a kid until now was pretty unhealthy, dude. I know you love her and that she was your best friend for half your life, but the Barry I saw when you were trying to woo her while she was with Eddie was not the Barry that we all came to know and love. There's something about her that just seems to make you go crazy, and not in a good way."
His words were harsh, but they stung true as he reluctantly nodded, still not being proud of how he had acted around Iris and Eddie when he had found out that they were dating. "Yeah, I know. I kept telling myself that everyone gets jealous, but I took it too far. I just wanted to be with her for so long, and I-"
"I know, man," Cisco cut him off politely, not wanting to be rude, but also not wanting to go through this again. "I know. All I'm saying is, even though she makes you pretty happy, she also has an uncanny ability to make you into something that you're not. It's like you get tunnel-vision when she's around, and that's not good for you or anyone else. And with you pointing out that even after you told her how much she meant to you and still chose a dude that she had only known a little over a year… I don't know if I could be with a girl like that if I was in your position, Barry. I would always wonder if I was the one she settled for since she picked another dude that she knew a fraction of the time that she knew me. Even if she hadn't realized how she felt about me before."
Barry let out a long sigh, nodding his head dejectedly as he stared down at his shoes. "Yeah, that's the main thing I've been hung up on. One of a few, I might add," he laughed derisively at himself, making Cisco look at him curiously.
"A few?"
"Yeah, there were some other things that I saw that I chose to ignore because of how hung up on her I was," Barry explained as he drummed his fingers on the desk while in thought. "I don't really want to get into it, but talking with Jason helped me realize that I kinda put her on a pedestal and never realized how significant her flaws were. Especially when she messed with my relationship with Linda just because I finally decided it was time for me to move on, whether she meant to or not."
Cisco laughed and leaned back in his chair, clearly finding that last comment to be quite amusing. "Yeah, when I was a kid, I would have found that hot, but now-" He stopped himself as he saw the look Barry was giving him, and he winced. "Sorry. So," he quickly decided to move on from his latest mess-up. "What are you thinking?"
Staying silent for a few moments, Barry let out a groan of frustration and shook his head. "I don't know. The only thing I am sure of is that my relationship with Iris will never be the same. Even if I do decide that I can look past what happened, I won't ever be able to forget it."
"Dude, is a relationship even worth it if you're always going to be thinking about yourself as second best?" Cisco asked seriously as he looked at his friend incredulously. "A relationship should be with two people who genuinely want to be with each other. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Iris loves you a lot, but there was a reason that she picked Eddie over you."
"I know, man. I know," Barry said in frustration before letting out another sigh, shooting Cisco an apologetic look. "Sorry, I just don't know what to do."
"I get it," Cisco told him as he reached out and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "But I'm going to tell you the hard truth right now, not just because you asked me to, but because you need to hear it." Barry looked up at him and remained silent as continued. "Sometimes we get ourselves hung up on people that we think are perfect for us, when they're really not. Take it from me. I used to think that this girl from school, Melinda Tores, was the love of my life. And this was not too long ago, before Dante-" He paused and fell silent, Barry feeling a strong pang of guilt as he knew just why Dante had died.
Putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder, he gave Cisco a sympathetic smile and watched as Cisco roughly wiped a lone tear that had managed to fall before clearing his throat. "Uh, anyway, all I'm trying to say is I know what it's like to have a girl that you think is the One, but then you find out she wasn't. And even now I'm optimistic that I just haven't found her yet."
Barry took all of this in and nodded slowly, letting his words sink in from his head to his heart. "Yeah, I guess you could be right."
"You guess, huh?" Cisco asked teasingly with a raised brow, making Barry laugh a little as he nodded. "Look, man. I'm only saying this stuff because you're my friend and I care about you. Just like with Caitlin, I want the best for you. And although Iris is a great girl, I just don't want you to spend the rest of your life feeling like you're her consolation prize."
The speedster gave him a grateful smile, still being torn about what to do, but being glad that he had a good friend who clearly cared about him and his feelings. Even if he knew that he didn't deserve it. "Thanks, Cisco. I really do appreciate your thoughts, and I promise to take them into consideration."
"Oh, come on," Cisco whined a little as he slumped back into his chair. "You're really just going to leave me hanging like that? After all we just talked about?"
Laughing at his friend's silliness, Barry shrugged and laid back in his chair. "Sorry, man. I know you're right, but it's not as easy as it sounds to just decide not to be with Iris anymore."
"Yeah, I know," Cisco sighed as he looked up at the ceiling. "I was just hoping that you would have made your mind up thanks to my brilliant speech."
"Not yet," Barry informed him apologetically with a shrug, before looking at him curiously. "Why do you seem so invested in this?"
Cisco grimaced guiltily, clearly having been caught as he shrugged innocently. "I… might have secretly liked the idea of you and Caitlin together," he reluctantly admitted, making Barry's eyes widen in surprise at this.
"Really?" he couldn't help but almost sputter out, watching as Cisco nodded. "But you seemed so happy that Jason was taking her out earlier."
"I was, and I still am," Cisco agreed as he fiddled with his coffee cup. "Because Jason's a cool guy who I'm sure will treat her the way she deserves to be treated. But," he added as he looked up at his friend. "You're a pretty cool guy yourself, and even if the idea is also a little weird for me since we've all known each other so long and I had no idea that you guys could think of each other in that way, you're the best guy I know, man. And I want the best for both of you, and in this case, the best for you both just might be each other. And this way I know that you won't be settling for being someone's second choice."
Barry raised a brow at him at that last part. "And how do you know that she would even like me that way, let alone want to be with me more than charming, cool, perfect Jason?" he found himself grumbling the last part, making Cisco smirk as he looked at his friend.
"Well, if I didn't know better, I would think that a certain speedster is jealous," he teased, unable to wipe the smirk off of his face. Barry sighed and rolled his eyes as he wouldn't allow himself to answer for a moment before he decided to come clean.
"Alright, fine, I'm… a little jealous, okay?" Barry just barely managed to get out, making Cisco laugh heartily as Barry glared at his friend. "What's so funny?"
"Barry Allen, the man who's been in love with Iris West since he was eleven years old, is now jealous that a new guy is stealing the affections of our very own Caitlin Snow," Cisco grinned widely as he wiggled his eyebrows at Barry, making him groan as he tried not to look at his friend who clearly had every intention of teasing him. "I wish I could say that I saw this coming, but I had no clue. And even though it was not what I was expecting, I am very interested to see how this whole thing turns out."
Sighing deeply as he nodded his head in agreement, Barry replied. "Yeah, it should be interesting. But, like I said, I can't do anything until I know for sure what I want to do about Iris. On the off chance that Cait does feel the same way about me, I don't want to get her hopes up by telling her how I feel if I'm just going to decide that I'm willing to stick it out with Iris."
Cisco crossed his arms over his chest in what appeared to be a sign of subtle protest, clearly unhappy with this answer. "Not to sound biased, but as your best friend, my vote's for Caitlin."
"Well, if this was a democracy, then your vote would be noted," Barry sarcastically remarked, making Cisco roll his eyes as he pouted a little. "Unfortunately, this is my love life, and it's a little more complicated than a vote."
"If you say so," Cisco sighed before standing up. "Alright, I think we've talked about this enough. You've got more thinking to do and I've got to get some sleep. Jason and I stayed up til 3 last night playing video games." Barry didn't look very happy from hearing this, and Cisco laughed and gave him a pat on the back. "Don't worry, man. Jason may be my cool, new friend, but he's no Barry Allen."
Barry chuckled and gave him a grateful smile. "Thanks, man. That means a lot."
Cisco grinned and swung his arm around his shoulder as he began leading the way out. "How about we stop for some ice cream before I turn in for the night?" Barry took on a look of confusion as he heard this.
"I thought you said you were going to get some sleep? Won't the ice cream wake you up?"
"Nah. For some reason, ice cream actually helps put me to sleep rather than wake me up. Never understood why," Cisco answered, making Barry laugh as he nodded his agreement. And as they walked out to get some ice cream, Barry remembered all that they had talked about and felt himself leaning more towards moving on from Iris. He wasn't willing to make this decision final yet, as he had waited for so long to have Iris and he finally had her, but Cisco and Jason had brought up some good points that he couldn't ignore. However, he supposed it would just have to wait. He knew that he couldn't wait forever, though, as if he waited too long he would make the same mistake with Caitlin that he had with Iris. And he would never let himself do that again as long as he had the chance.
Deciding to stop thinking about it until he and Cisco were done getting ice cream, Barry put these thoughts to the side and focused on spending some more time with his friend, and found himself wondering what decision he would soon make.