August 17, 2021
Harvey felt like a nervous teenager going on his first date with the popular, beautiful girl from high school.
He knew what he was doing was wrong. He should tell Scottie that he was going to dinner with another woman tonight — and he should tell Donna that his fiancée was currently in London — but how could he admit to the brunette that he had forgotten three years of their relationship in an instant the moment his eyes landed on the love of his life? And how could he tell the redhead that he had entered a relationship simply because he was lonely, needing someone to fill the silence when his demons crept in? He couldn't. As he stood in front of the mirror, slipping into a simple pair of chinos and a polo shirt, his phone rang, and he swallowed hard when he saw Scottie's name flash across the screen. Even though he wasn't sure answering was a good idea, he reminded himself he was a good bluffer — he could talk his way out of this. So, with a deep breath, he answered.
«Hello?»
«Hey, Harvey»
«Hey, how are you?»
«I'm great»
«What time is it over there?»
«Eleven o'clock, and you? What's your plan for the evening?»
«Nothing major, just tons of work, so I thought I'd disconnect from everything and get ahead... Especially with the Alvares case»
«Oh, yeah, right. I was thinking…»
As Scottie spoke about needing to start the wedding preparations, Harvey glanced at his phone lying on the bed, her voice on speaker filling the room as he barely listened, offering only humbling affirmatives to let her know he was still there, but his mind was far away. Suddenly, the joy of marriage felt more like a burden — a gilded cage keeping him from truly living the life he wanted. He didn't want to admit it, not even to himself, as the very thought of shattering Scottie's dream of a future together made him nauseous. But then… there was Donna. God, what was wrong with him? She might be in a relationship right now, maybe with kids, a whole life he knew nothing about — so why was he imagining he could just toss everything aside and pick up where they'd left off nearly a decade ago? When Scottie yawned, her voice softening with tiredness, he wished her a good night and ended the call as Harvey remained frozen in place, staring at his wardrobe. The night before, he'd wrestled with himself, trying not to go, but that evening, the temptation was stronger — unbearably strong. With two steps, he was at the open closet, crouching low where his shoes were kept, and hidden behind a row of boxes, tucked safely in an envelope, were four black-and-white photos—taken more than ten years ago, back when they were still innocent and wildly in love. Miami. A photo booth. Donna was sitting on his lap, their bodies pressed tightly together. In the first photo, their cheeks were squished together, huge smiles on their faces. Harvey's arms were wrapped around her waist, one of Donna's hands resting on his forearm, the other gently cradling his jaw, holding him close. The second was softer, more intimate — they were looking into each other's eyes, that unmistakable spark of love and playfulness dancing between them, as in the third, they were kissing, gently — a tender, peaceful kiss, as if the world had finally given them a moment of stillness. And the fourth… the fourth was his favorite — wild, messy, and fun — as it captured exactly what they'd been — eyes closed, mouths open, smiling mid-kiss, their tongues brushing in a way that was both reckless and intoxicating. God. Seeing these pictures again — still the only ones he'd kept after the breakup — made his chest ache like it was the first time he'd ever seen her. He stared at them in silence for a few seconds, letting the memories wash over him, the familiar longing, the quiet ache in his chest as they were the only tangible pieces of a life he'd never really let go of, the ones he turned to when the emptiness became too loud. Then, carefully, he slipped the photos back into their hiding place, closed the closet, and left his apartment. About twenty minutes later, standing outside the restaurant and checking his watch for the third time, he heard it — the soft, familiar voice behind him — and in that moment, his heart began to race.
«You didn't forget, did you?»
«How could I… I made you a promise, didn't I?»
As she looked at him with tenderness and love, Harvey gave her a small nod toward the entrance, signaling that he was right behind her as he smiled softly to himself, struck by how far they had come. He remembered when they were in New York during their little trip years ago, both of them wandering the city in search of a romantic Italian restaurant, and when they passed by Del Posto, he'd caught the stars in Donna's eyes. Of course, back then they didn't have the means — or the look — to dine somewhere like that, but Harvey had grinned and promised — one day, I'll take you here — but that day never came. They had parted ways just two weeks later. Since then, Harvey hadn't even walked past the place, let alone considered eating there, even if Scottie had suggested it more than once, and a few high-profile clients had invited him too. Every time, Harvey found a reason to say no — Scottie never understood why — and he never explained. Now, finally inside, they were seated at a quiet, secluded table, the dim lighting casting soft shadows across the white linen as the conversation flowed gently, skipping between lighthearted memories and more serious topics — things Harvey realized he couldn't talk about with anyone else but her. It was as if no time had passed, and yet, everything had changed. About half an hour in, Donna had chosen a delicate pasta dish — fennel, lemon, and pine nuts — while Harvey went for the Berkshire pork Tuscan stew with smoked loin and sage pesto. The plates arrived just as the lawyer decided to finally bring up what had been weighing on him since the night before as he set his fork down, looked at her across the table, and asked softly.
«Hey, can I ask you something?»
«Of course, anything»
«Yesterday, when we went for coffee, I noticed you're still wearing it… the necklace»
«Oh, yeah, right»
Right now, she was wearing a form-fitting black jersey dress that stopped mid-thigh, its long sleeves and high collar giving it an understated elegance. As Harvey leaned in and whispered softly, she unconsciously lifted her hand, her fingers finding the hollow between her collarbones — likely brushing against the necklace hidden beneath the dark fabric. A tender smile curved her lips, subtle and warm, as if the sound of his voice had stirred something buried deep within her.
«I thought you would've gotten rid of it by now»
«How could I? My first Tiffany from my first love, it's not the kind of thing you just throw away... it means too much for me»
Faced with Donna's words and that adorable, familiar smile, Harvey felt himself melt. He watched her, captivated, and in that moment, there was no denying it — no matter what he said or did, he was still in love with her — he always would be. Ten years had passed, and yet, around her neck, she still wore that necklace — the first and only gift he had ever given her — his initial, subtly engraved into the metal, hidden just beneath her clothes like a secret she'd carefully guarded all this time. No one else would know what it meant, no one else needed to as his chest tightened. He was on the edge of something — falling, maybe surrendering — and unable to stop himself, he leaned in slightly, his voice a low murmur.
«What about now? Are you planning to stay in New York?»
«Yes. Even though I've spent a lot of time here and there, I'm happy to be back, I feel like I'm home»
«I understand»
«Harv, I know I've already told you this, but I'm so happy I ran into you» smiled Donna.
«Me too... And you haven't changed, it's crazy»
«Well, now I speak French»
«No way» smiled Harvey.
«Disons que vivre à Paris m'a vraiment aidé à développer la langue de Molière»
As she smiled at him, foreign-sounding words rolling off her tongue with effortless grace, Harvey knew he was done for. It was, without question, the sexiest and most adorable thing he had ever heard — something about the way she said it, with that familiar spark in her eyes, made him fall for her all over again. For nearly two hours, they talked about everything and nothing — drifting between old memories and present thoughts, laughter and silence — their hands inched closer with every passing minute, fingers brushing, lingering, hands holding for a moment, as their eyes met over candlelight. Their gazes were full of tenderness, their smiles playful and soft, like something that had never truly ended. They shared a tartufo al mascarpone, exchanging bites and glances, the air around them thick with something unspoken but undeniable, and after dinner, Harvey walked Donna home, each step slower than the last, as if neither wanted the night to end. When they reached her door, she leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek as he swallowed hard, breath catching as she whispered softly against his skin.
«We'll see each other again?»
«Of course, are you free tomorrow?» smiled Harvey.
«I finish teaching at four, but after that, I'm free»
«Alright, what about that diner we used to go to when we were together for the first time?»
«The one where you stole the can opener from the waitress's apron?» giggled Donna.
«Exactly»
«Sounds perfect, Harv. See you tomorrow, then»
«See you, Donna»
After one last smile, the redhead turned and headed home, leaving Harvey alone on the sidewalk, rooted to the spot while he stayed there for a while before deciding to walk the city streets, hoping the night air would help clear his mind. But it didn't — he felt completely lost — unsure of what to do, what to feel, or where to go from here. The next day, they met again at the diner, slipping into the same booth as if no time had passed while they laughed over old memories, reminiscing about their trip to Miami and the impromptu midnight swim that had left Donna with a week-long cold after he dropped her off at Yale. The memory felt like a snapshot from another life — sun-soaked, chaotic, young. When they stepped outside, they promised to meet again the next day, and then the day after that, and again after that as it became effortless — natural — to fall back into each other's rhythms. They never left each other's side, walking the city like it belonged to them, like they were twenty-two and twenty-three again, lost in the bubble of something that had never really ended, while Harvey kept a certain distance, out of respect for his fiancée — whom he still hadn't mentioned to Donna. But she misread the space between them, thinking he was simply trying to protect himself — after all, she was the one who had broken his heart nearly ten years ago. So she gave him time and space, though in her heart, it felt like they had never been apart. That first day, when she heard him call her name on the street, she'd thought she was imagining it — she'd imagined it so many times before — but when she turned and saw him there, looking at her with the same love and tenderness he'd shown a decade ago, her legs turned to jelly. He was still just as handsome, still the man she had fallen for in ways no one else had ever come close to. So she accepted the coffee, then the dinner, then every moment they offered her. Harvey had been her first real love, every crush and boyfriend before him had been fleeting and forgettable, compared to their short, wild, and consuming affair, while she had never truly moved on. And when they stood face to face again, it felt less like a coincidence and more like fate. For nearly two weeks, they lived in that quiet illusion — meeting for coffee, lingering over dinners, walking through the park with warm drinks in hand, having deep conversations as the Hudson glistened beside them while day by day, they rediscovered each other, falling piece by piece into something that had never really faded. But time didn't stop, and the two weeks passed quickly. In the meantime, Scottie was returning today, and as Harvey paced the large, open space of their condo, his eyes raw from lack of sleep, his heart ached with the weight of everything he hadn't said, everything he still didn't know how to say. He loved Scottie, she had been there when he needed someone most — steady, kind, and loyal — and for that, he would always be grateful, but what he was doing wasn't right. When the front door slammed shut behind her and she stepped into the hallway, pulling her trolley and hanging her coat on the rack, she flashed him a bright, unsuspecting smile while Harvey swallowed hard.
«Hey»
«Hey»
«Urgh, I'm so glad to be home, the flight was horrible. First, we left with a two-hour delay, and then there was so much turbulence, I thought it was never going to end. On top of that, there was a screaming baby next to me, so I couldn't —»
While she was busy talking, she stopped when she noticed Harvey wasn't responding, only to whisper.
«Harvey? Are you okay?»
Still standing in the middle of the living room, Scottie had already taken off her shoes, tied her hair up into a bun, and poured herself a glass of water — but Harvey hadn't moved — and more importantly, something was clearly wrong. In a weak voice, Harvey murmured.
«Can we talk?»
«What's going on? You're scaring me»
«Sit down»
As they both sat down, facing each other — Harvey on the couch, elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed his face, while Scottie settled into the armchair across from him, her posture tense as the weight of the moment settled in. She could feel it now — this wasn't just exhaustion or stress — this was something else, something serious. For a few long seconds, the room was steeped in silence, and just as Scottie opened her mouth to ask what was going on, Harvey began to speak — softly, his voice low and hesitant.
«Do you remember when you asked me if I had ever been in love before?»
«I do, yeah»
«Well, I lied to you»
«What?» whispered Scottie.
«I'm not sure if you remember, but when I was in my second year of grad school, I participated in the football game between Harvard and Yale, and we had to go to New Haven for the match?»
«That you won? Yeah, I remember, but I don't understand where you're going with this»
«Well, that night, I went out to celebrate the victory at a bar, and you remember me — always running, always jumping from one bed to another, never sticking around, not caring about anything or anyone — but with her... it was different. The moment she walked through the door, it was like my heart stopped beating, and there was only her in the room. I tried to invite her for a drink, but she turned me down because she was with friends and I could've walked away, but something inside me told me I couldn't. She was different, so, I waited… I waited for hours, hoping she'd leave her friends and have a drink with me and eventually, she did. We spent the rest of the night talking, until the manager kicked us out. I felt at ease with her — like all my demons had just... disappeared. For the first time in my life, I felt at peace. That night, I didn't want to leave her and what had to happen, happened — I spent the night with her — but it wasn't just about sex, it was about her. The next morning, when I had to leave, it felt like I had left a part of my heart back at Yale and when I left, I promised her I'd come back for winter break. She didn't believe me, but I went back to Harvard and even though we hadn't been in touch, she consumed my thoughts, and I couldn't shake it. As soon as exams were over, I got in my car and drove to New Haven to surprise her and when she opened that door, it was like everything clicked again. Like it was meant to be. We spent almost the entire winter break road-tripping along the East Coast, just the two of us. We were madly in love, talking and laughing, spending every moment together, and I would've given anything for that time to last forever. I was sure — we were sure — that we were meant to be. For life»
«What happened?»
«She broke my heart. Just when I was about to tell her I wanted to spend the rest of my life by her side, she told me she was leaving for her master's in Paris. That day, I dropped her back at Yale, and it was the last time we saw each other»
«I don't understand why you're telling me this, Harvey. If it's about the stress of the wedding and you're having doubts, it's normal, and —»
«I saw her, Scottie»
«What?»
«I don't remember exactly when, but a few days after you went to London, I ran into her. I was outside, going to get a bagel, and I heard her from afar. At first, I thought I was imagining things, but I recognized her, and... my heart stopped, just like it did ten years ago. She didn't see me, she kept walking, and I could've let her go, pretended like nothing happened, and not forced fate, but I couldn't help myself. I ran after her»
«You cheated on me?»
«No, I didn't. For nearly two weeks, we just had dinner, walked around, and mostly talked to catch up on lost time, but I didn't cheat on you, I didn't even kiss her»
«But you wanted to, didn't you?»
In the silence that hung between them, Scottie could feel the weight of Harvey's unspoken words. She understood now, perhaps better than she wanted to, that her fiancé was still deeply drawn to his ex-girlfriend. Harvey's history with women, his complicated views on love and commitment, and the way he held himself now — so downcast, so burdened — told her it wasn't just physical attraction, it was more than that, it always had been. A heavy sigh escaped her lips as she met his gaze, her eyes softening in understanding despite the hurt. She knew the guilt she saw in his eyes, she knew the look too well, and with quiet tenderness, she murmured softly.
«I was offered a permanent job in London»
«What?»
«I've already accepted»
«Scottie, what are you talking about?»
«A few months ago, Darby offered me a chance to settle permanently in London and work there. I know you love New York and you wouldn't leave it for anything, but I also thought that by getting married, things would change and that you'd agree to follow me»
«You were going to tell me?» murmured Harvey.
«After the wedding, yeah»
«I can't believe it…»
«If I had told you before, I would have lost you»
«What are you talking about?»
«You know, I'm not stupid. Since we officially got together — and even back when things were more casual between us — I had already noticed something was coming between us. I tried to convince myself it was because of what happened with your mother that's why you didn't have that love shining in your eyes when you looked at me, that you couldn't say I love you, and that you'd never sacrifice anything for me or our relationship. I told myself it was because of your parents, but in reality, it was because of her»
«I love you, Scottie. Really»
«But not like you love her, right?»
For a few seconds, the room fell into a heavy silence as Harvey seemed to search for the right words, but once again, it was Scottie who beat him to it and spoke first.
«It's good to know I'm not the problem»
«You were never the problem, Scottie. It's just that I've had her in my blood for ten years, and if I thought time would erase what I feel for her, I was clearly wrong»
«Does she know you're engaged?»
«No»
«So you're ready to throw away three years of a relationship and a marriage for a girl you only knew for two weeks ten years ago?»
Even though Harvey remained silent, his gaze said it all — screaming yes, and even, of course — to her question. He was still in love with her, and while Scottie had long believed his lack of devotion stemmed from his past, she was only partially wrong. It wasn't his mother that had ruined him — it was her, that girl. Seeing that he didn't react, she stood up, her movements stiff as she made her way toward her luggage and as she reached for it, Harvey didn't even make an effort to chase after her or stop her. But when she turned one last time before leaving, he murmured, his voice barely audible.
«I lost her once. I can't lose her again, Scottie»
«What if she doesn't love you anymore?»
«She does»
«How can you be so sure?»
«Because she has the same eyes sparkling with love when she looks at me, the one she had ten years ago. The same one you were looking for me to have when I looked at you, the same one I have for her»
«I did the right thing accepting the job in London, then»
Without another word, Scottie grabbed her things and slammed the door behind her, her engagement ring left on the entry table as the sound of the door closing echoed through the condo, leaving a heavy, suffocating silence in its wake. For the first time in nearly three years, Harvey felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
He could finally breathe.