~~~~~Author's Note~~~~~

Please be advised that this chapter touches on themes of PTSD, ongoing trauma, and self loathing. Read at your own discretion.

~~~~~Thank you!~~~~~

When she got back to the townhouse she immersed herself in making potions. Days passed and she didn't leave to see Severus. Remus noticed and asked her about it and she simply deflected, not wanting to talk about it. As she was reformulating an old potion to increase the effect, she heard a tapping on the window.

An owl.

Frowning she went to retrieve the letter. It was sealed with green wax, and she knew the seal letterhead on sight. SS.

Severus Snape.

Shaking, she picked up her potion knife and slid through the wax, popping it from the parchment. Nerves made her jaw tense.

He might have figured out that the raven was her. This letter might be his way of telling her never to see him again, or that he was disappointed in her. There was no reason to believe it would be anything but bad since he hadn't sent anything to her in months.

Opening it, she scanned over his neat penmanship. There wasn't much written on the parchment.

Rune-

I'm sorry.

I miss you.

Severus.

What did it mean? If anything Rune felt she should be sorry. She deceived him. There was no reason for him to apologize. And it would be a lie to claim she wasn't secretly happy that he missed her, but it felt like a trap. Severus never said things like this to her.

Confused, she furrowed her brow. Taking out her wand, she tapped the paper.

"Revelio."

Nothing. The paper was just as it seems. No secret enchantment. Nothing. It was just as it was written.

Remus came up behind her and grabbed the letter, his mouth drawing into a frown.

"All those months of ignoring you, and this is how he replies?! Five measly words?" He looked to her, his green eyes pained. "Surely you aren't thinking of entertaining his whims like this?"

"I'm not." Rune's throat was tight. "I won't."

It did cross her mind to write back and gush out all her feelings, but Remus was right. After dumping her at St. Mungo's he had not come to check on her once. She had to go see him, and he didn't even know it was her. But he didn't feel the same. It would be idiotic to blindly hang on to every word he said just because he decided to give her a scrap of attention.

And, more than that, it would be wrong of her to run to him with all her problems in tow. She was broken. As a bird she could hide it, but as a human she was a mess. And Severus was dealing with his own grief over Lily. He didn't need to deal with Rune's trauma as well. She didn't deserve him. And she was terrified to meet him and be rebuffed because of it.

She grabbed a parchment and a quill, filling her ink pot.

"Don't write back!" Remus exclaimed.

"I'm not!" Rune dipped her quill. "I'm going to write Professor Slughorn. Perhaps he can set me up with a potioneering position within the Ministry. I need something to keep me busy."

"So you won't be going back to Hogwarts as a raven for the time being?" His brows raised, her long habit of visiting Severus broken in a mere day.

"No."

She sealed the letter with black wax. The seal she always used looked like an asterisk but was actually a rune that represented a star. Together with the wax color her name was easily deferred just from the finish. Runestella Black. Professor Slughorn would know the sender the minute he saw it.

It wasn't long before she got a reply and was signed on to work for the Ministry.

And just like that years passed. About a decade. Remus eventually went his own way, but she still met up with him to give him wolfsbane and keep him company on the full moon. And unlike Remus, she wasn't aging much at all.

Her young fourteenish face advanced, but only slightly. In the decade she had lived her appearance had only aged for half that. At 30 she was lucky to pass as 19. It led to her constantly getting underestimated at work, and made it uncomfortable to go to pubs.

During that time she received notice from Kreacher that her mother had passed and that she needed to go home to take over the Black Family as was her birthright, but she ignored it. She had no desire to return.

In July of 1993, she got a peculiar message. Remus had accepted a position as Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, and he needed to speak to her urgently.

Using floo powder, she went to the Three Broomsticks as requested to meet him.

"Rune! It's been a long while since we've seen you!" Madame Rosemerta was in good spirits. While she had spent much less time at the establishment since she stopped meeting Snape in raven form, she had still thought to stop by on occasion between potion batches.

"I'm here to meet Remus, have you seen him?" She accepted the butterbeer from her absently. Rosemerta always knew what she ordered.

"He's upstairs in the balcony seating. You know he hates loud company." Rosmerta gestured up, and she followed the gesture. Remus waved at her to get her attention and she nodded before going up the stairs, sipping at her brew as she went.

When she reached the top she slid onto the barstool next to him.

"What's this about?"

"I have bad news." Remus gripped his own butterbeer, a dark expression taking hold of his face.

"What sort of bad news?" She scanned his face and then puffed her breath, impatient. "Please, Remus, you're making me anxious!"

"It's Sirius. He's escaped Azkaban. They let me know first since we were...close."

"W-what?" Rune blinked, the information processing. "But no one has ever escaped before. That can't be…"

"It's true. They have no idea how he managed it." Remus pressed his lips together. "Now I wish I hadn't taken the teaching position. I'm worried about you. You shouldn't be alone."

"No! I think you'll make an excellent professor! I'll be fine. Sirius would never hurt me." It was unsettling news but she was not a child, despite her youthful visage. And she knew her brother best. Sirius had always been a sweet and protective older brother.

"You don't know that. I would have sworn that he would never hurt Peter, or that he would have protected James, Lily and Harry with his life. But he didn't. And Peter is dead, as well as 12 muggles. He's dangerous and mad."

"But I'm his sister." She said it quietly, as if it were the ultimate defense.

"And you were close to You-Know-Who. Any deatheater would try to find you." Since she woke in St. Mungo's, Remus had been very careful not to say Voldemort's true name. She knew he likely had no problem using it anywhere else, but he had learned quickly to avoid the name or risk triggering a meltdown from Rune. It was sweet that he was careful around her.

"He's gone. There's no reason to be interested in me." Nerves made her stomach flutter as his points added up.

"Just You-Know-Who's interest is enough to pique the fancy of a deatheater. He saw something in you and they will be scrambling to find out what. And on top of that you are a major obstacle in the way of Sirius inheriting anything from the Black Estate. You may think you are well hidden with your new name but you are faced with a man crafty enough to escape Azkaban. And you look just as you did when he last saw you."

Remus was very convincing. Although instinct told her she shouldn't be afraid of her brother, her emotions made her hands tremble.

"I agree that it's too dangerous for you to be alone."

The voice sent a chill up her spine and made her breath catch in her throat. It was familiar but she hadn't heard it in so long. Slowly she turned, staring as Snape ascended the steps to join them.

"I do not recall inviting you." Remus sighed.

"I do not recall needing your permission to enter the Three Broomsticks." He sneered back.

"...I'll be fine, Severus." Rune interrupted before their pissing match went further. "I'm not a child anymore. I can hide myself and protect myself if need be."

"Rune, I think you should-" He tried to convince her but she cut him off.

"You don't contact me for nearly a decade and you think you have the right to give me advice?" While she tried not to sound hurt, she felt so deeply cut by his apathy. Sure, she had ignored his letter. But even though deep down she felt unworthy of his attention, he never tried to talk to her again. And despite logic telling her that she dropped contact first, his apathy hurt.

"All of the past aside, he isn't wrong." Remus put a hand on her shoulder to calm her and she glared at him.

"Just read this." Knowing that talking won't get them far, Severus handed her a letter. It was sealed with the Hogwarts seal. The one who would use the insignia was probably Dumbledore. Skeptical, she tore it open and unfolded it.

To Miss Rune Baines,

Considering your indisputable brilliance with potions, I believe you will be a large benefit to the Hogwarts staff. While we already have a competent Potion's Master in Professor Snape, there is always room for another to improve operations. You would be asked to help keep the store room stocked, to assist in the production of potions to keep our infirmary and stores full, and help the Professor draw up lesson plans. You will be paid a reasonable salary and given quarters to stay in. As I am aware of your unique situation, as an assistant you will not be required to show yourself and can work behind the scenes.

Please consider accepting the position. A teacher never forgets the fondness he has for a student, and you were among my brightest. And of course, the student I wish I was able to help more when it truly mattered. Please allow me to make amends and put my mind at ease by staying safely in the walls of the castle.

I await your answer,

Albus Dumbledore

"Ahhhh!" Rune put the letter down, running a hand through her hair. "He's really not fair."

"What is it?" Remus picked up the parchment and read through. "This is awfully suspicious, Severus. You had to have suggested this."

"How this came to be doesn't matter. What you intend to do, Rune?" The brooding man scowled, waiting for her response whilst staring her down.

"It was playing dirty." She grumbled, straightening her hair again. "You knew I wouldn't be able to turn down Dumbledore."

"Then I'll tell him to be expecting you." Smirking, he turned on his heel, his cape swishing, and walked down the steps. After he was gone Remus turned her, anxious.

"Are you sure this is fine? Can you work closely with him like this?"

"I'll be fine. It's not like we fought or anything. We just… simply stopped talking. I have gone through worse than being Severus' lackey. He's prickly like a Venomous Tentacula, that's for sure, but he's serious about his work." The words were hallow. There was truth to them, but she did feel a growing unease. "Besides, you'll be there as well."

"I know this isn't ideal for you, but I will feel much better knowing you are at Hogwarts."

"Yeah…" Pushing the chair back, she stood up. "I better go get packed then. My bag will sure be lighter than normal without all the potions equipment. I'd imagine Severus has more than I need."

It was her attempt at looking at the bright side, but once she gathered her things she realized it was true. All she had was some black clothing and a small portrait of Regulus. Everything fit easily with a packing charm. Just to be certain, she packed some of her stock of ingredients for Wolfsbane potion. They could be hard to find and she wanted to take no chance that Remus missed a dose.

Though she had long left the black family behind, she found she couldn't leave behind the fashion that she had grown up with. She headed to Hogwarts with her old trunk, a black corseted dress with lace trim and a high collar, and a hat with a large brim and lace overhang.

When she arrived she didn't expect to receive the welcome she got. Both Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore were out front to greet her, as well as Severus. She hesitated, the situation strange and overwhelming. Professor McGonagall stepped forward with a kind smile.

"It's lovely to see you again, Miss Black." She began, only to notice the visible flinch at the use of the name.

"It's Baines now. Rune Baines. But just call me Rune. I'm not a student anymore." She offered an anxious smile back, her hand tightening on the handle of her trunk.

"Of course. Rune." Putting an arm around her shoulders, she guided her closer to the castle.

"How fortuitous to have you back in our halls, Miss Baines." Dumbledore swept his arms wide, presenting the castle.

"It's kind of you to invite me." Rune tried the pleasantries but she was so unused to people. Her lips trembled as they stretched into a pleasant expression.

"I was more than glad to provide the protection Hogwarts provides in exchange for your expertise. And I'm sure Severus will be relieved to have help. He's been overtaxed while assisting with the changeover duties of the Defense Against Dark Arts position. It's been rather hard to keep the position filled, you see."

Dumbledore nodded to Snape, signaling him to interact. She flicked her eyes to him, still overstimulated. Even more so with the awkward air hanging between them.

"Let me get this for you, Rune." He leaned forward to grip on to her suitcase and she stumbled back, only to be steadied by McGonagall.

"Oh, I don't think you need to… okaaaayyy…" Her protest fell on deaf ears when he used his wand to send the suitcase ahead to her quarters.

"Why don't you follow Severus for now?" McGonagall suggested. "He can show you to your room. We all meet at the Great Hall for dinner. I understand that you would like to avoid being seen by the students too much, but until the school year starts I'm sure the other teachers would be pleased to see you. After all, many of us had the pleasure of teaching you." She noted the cagey look Rune gave and patted her arm. "When the school year starts we can ask the elves to send dinner to your room."

"O-okay…" Even though she still felt uneasy around Severus she found herself skirting closer to him, seeking comfort. As if it were the most natural thing to do, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder in place of McGonagall to lead her away. She waved nervously to the pair before realizing she had easily gone with his impertinent action.

"I can walk by myself, Severus." She complained, attempting to shrug him off. He held fast.

"Severus!" She complained, stumbling beside him.

"We can talk when we are alone." He muttered, obviously referring not only to other Professors who might be passing but to the paintings on the walls. She sighed and followed him to the dungeons where the Slytherin Headmaster resided. The headmaster's quarters were down a hallway, and at the end of the hallway was another room. Once inside she felt nostalgia wash over her.

It was so much like the Slytherin Common Room it was astounding. The stone walls of the dungeon felt like home, which was to be expected. Instead of feeling scared because of her time in the cell she was locked in, the comforting green couch and four corner bed reminded her of the only times she felt safe. There was a warm fire and a window leading to the Black Lake, the murky water lending some filtered light into the room.

"I suggested you stay near me in the dungeons. I thought you might find comfort in the familiar."

She frowned at his astute observation, disliking how he knew her so well. It would have been more logical to assume she would hate the dungeons because of what she went through, but he managed to reason that the memories of her school years were more intense in her mind.

"Yes. This abode is as fine as any." Rune shrugged off his hold, turning to her trunk to unpack her stuff into the armoire.

"Why are you acting like this?" He scowled, appalled at the rebuff.

"Why am I…?" Aghast, she sputtered, completely shocked at his lack of awareness. Turning to him, she took her hat off so she could see him better and tossed it onto the sofa. "I wasn't aware we were still friends, Severus."

She made sure to carefully enunciate his name, making it clear she was not using his nickname.

"Of course we are." The man had the audacity to frown and she tried to cool herself down by thumbing the potion bottle at her neck.

"Friends visit when their friend is in the hospital. They check on them when they've gone through trauma. They at the very least write a letter. But you did none of that."

"I wrote you a letter!" He defended. "I told you… that I missed you. And apologized."

She wanted to stop, his vulnerable look shaking her resolve. But she closed her eyes.

"It was too late. You left me alone for months after… after what happened to me." Tears gathered in her vision and she wished she didn't toss away the hat.

"I couldn't reach out to you! I'm not shameless! After what I did I…" The confession trailed off.

"What do you mean?" Her throat tightened.

"I chose Lily over you." Severus croaked. "They showed me that photo of you and I… still chose to abandon you. I was too sorry to look at you."

The picture.

In an instant her nightmare came back.

"Strip, Runstella. I said to strip." Lucius' voice echoed in her mind, along with the snap of the belt. She recalled him looming over her, fumbling with his jeans and prying her legs apart. And the Dark Lord watching.

Breath caught in her throat, her lungs heaving as they tried to suck air in. Lurching over, she fumbled to grip on to the couch. Anything solid to keep her grounded in reality. Her hands and feet tingled, her fingertips hurting from how hard she was clutching the furniture. Sweat beaded on her brow. She wanted to vomit. Everything was pulsing and the edges of the vision turned black.

"Rune!" Severus came over to help her and tried to support her but she squealed in terror, yanking herself back from him and falling backwards. Gasping and gulping, choking on reality, she curled into a ball and gripped her head, her nails digging into her scalp.

"Stay there!" He rushed from the room and she could only rock herself, remembering the sharp sting of the belt on her side.

"Little bird. My little bird in a cage." Voldemorts words hissed in her head and she sobbed, remembering his breath on her face.

"When a little bird bites their owner they get their pretty little birdy necks broken."

Scrabbling to get any scrap of calm, she reached up and gripped at the bottle at her neck. The little green bottle with the gem in the glass. Her thumb traced along the gem, trying to get her head back. But the oxygen in her body was lacking and her vision blurred, air still refusing to come.

"Drink this!" A cold bottle touched her lips and she knew it by smell and taste alone. A Calming Drought.

Severus was always level-headed in a crisis. It was a smart solution.

Eager to get her mind on the right track she greedily drank it, coughing as she couldn't regulate her breath. He patted her back until it took effect, her heart rate slowing and air pouring into her lungs.

"I'm sorry…" Severus muttered, rubbing circles on the nape of her neck with his thumb. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She managed, shakily trying to get to her feet.

"Be careful! Wait to stand!" Quick to worry and quick to help, his hand shot out to wrap around her waist and keep her aloft.

"I knew what your choice would be. There's no need to feel sorry." Rune sighed, leaning into his shoulder. She was too tired to fight back. "It was an unfair choice that he gave you, and you would have felt terrible no matter the outcome. I don't blame you for that."

"Then… why didn't you reply back?" He asked, brushing hair from her face.

"I feel unworthy. And ashamed. You know about everything that happened to me in that little room. You know everything I had done, and what sort of experiments I had been conducting. One look around the room with a trained eye for potions would have told you everything. I'm a monster." It was said with self loathing, her mouth twisting in a cruel smile.

"You only did what you had to to survive." He assured her.

"Perhaps. I tell myself that everyday but I don't quite believe it." Her smile faded, tears stinging at her eyes. With a weak push she tried to pull away from him but he kept his arm around her, stroking up and down her arm.

"Can you forgive me, then?" He muttered, brows furrowing and lips pulling into a frown. "I can deal with the whole world hating me and berating me. Everyone but you."

"Fine." After she gave in he finally allowed her to escape. She stood up and righted herself, adjusting her skirt and corset. It was habit to look perfect, drilled into her by her mother.

"I didn't realize you were still suffering like this." He stood as well, also awkwardly fixing his clothing.

"I think I will suffer for the rest of my life. Some wounds just become scars. They no longer bleed, but they are still there. I have less PTSD episodes than I used to, at least." She clutched her hands together in front of her, avoiding his gaze. "Remus helped me overcome them in the beginning."

"Remus?" Snape's eyes narrowed. "I wasn't aware you were that close."

"Of course we are. While I was estranged from you Remus was my only lifeline. He even lived with me when I couldn't be left alone."

"Live with…?! But… Rune he's a werewolf. He is dangerous. And you allowed him in your home?" Something dark flashed in his vision. It wasn't as if she was ignorant to Severus' objections. In his eyes Remus is just another bully. While he didn't actively bully Snape, he never stepped in to stop his friends.

"Dangerous? Pah!" Rune waved her hand dismissively. "Werewolves are only a danger around the full moon. I would make sure to brew him a Wolfsbane Potion every month. Remus never hurt me."

"He used you for potions and then put you in danger like that?! Rune!" His protests only made anger simmer up again.

"I did those things because I wanted to! Don't blame Remus." Irritation built in her chest. What right did he have to judge her for her friendships when he had purposefully stayed out of her life?

"I'm not blaming him, I'm simply…" He paused, his lips turning to a frown.

"I can't deal with this right now." Shaky from her panic attack, she stumbled to the door. "I forgot to tell Remus I had arrived. I had better check in."

"Rune!" Severus called from behind her but she ignored him, stomping towards the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom in a huff. Just like the Potions classroom having an attached suite, the Defense Against the Dark Arts room had a similar attache. It was up a flight of stairs and past the office. She stormed there and knocked on the door, hoping he would be around.

"Yes, I'll be right there!" His familiar voice came from the other side of the door and she instantly felt better. When he opened the door she simply fell forward, resting her forehead on his chest.

"Rune? You're already here?" He blinked in surprise before noticing she was slightly trembling. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm just overwhelmed." The words were nothing but a mutter, but he still caught on to the shakiness to it.

"Did you have another attack?" Remus patted her back, used to the drill.

"Severus doesn't know my triggers." She admitted, stepping back and righting her hair.

"So you've met with him again." Her friend's eyes darkened.

"He apologized, if it makes you feel any better. Besides, what choice do I have? We are working together."

"Then why are you here in this state? I doubt an apology will erase how upset you've been." Remus arched a brow, calling her bullshit.

"Well… he can be rather abrasive. You know that."

"Abrasive!" He barked out a laugh. "That's one way to put it."

Disappearing into his room for a moment, he came back with an offering.

"Some chocolate."

"It'll make me feel better." She quoted, familiar with his cure-all. Still, she gratefully took it and nibbled at the corner. It did improve her mood, and she finished the little square gratefully.

"I mostly came to inform you I'm here. I came straight away so I can start brewing your next dose of Wolsbane Potion. It's fortunate that the full moon is before classes begin."

"Oh… well I meant to tell you. Severus has started to brew it already. Apparently Dumbledore arranged it as part of my salary. I thought it was best to accept so I could stop troubling you." Remus looked away guiltily, as if he were cheating on her.

"Oh. Well." Sighing, she felt a little wistful about the news. It at least made her feel useful to make the necessary potion. "Severus can be trusted to make a good brew. Though I will let him know next month that I can continue to make it. I don't want the ingredients I packed to go to waste."

"If you're sure."

"Well, I'm getting paid to be here. I might as well help out." Taking out her wand, she cleaned chocolate residue from her hand. "I better return to unpack. I left before getting anything done, and it gets insufferably dim in the dungeons after dark. I'll see you at supper."

"You're going to supper in the Great Hall?" Since she was supposed to be laying low, her friend was both surprised and concerned about her decision.

"Yeah. Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore suggested I eat with the staff before the students arrive. I am pathetically weak to their demands, it seems."

"Alright. I'll see you then."

When she left Remus she felt significantly better. She trudged back to her quarters and was relieved to see that Snape was not there. It allowed her time to unpack her things and unwind for a bit before it got late. As the time got later into the evening, she had an urge to fall back into old habits.

It was that time right before dinner, when the sun was going down, that she used to meet Severus on the hill. On a whim she left her quarters, trudging outside of the castle and onto the training grounds. As she neared the hill overlooking the Black Lake, she was shocked to see Snape already there, looking thoughtfully over the lake.

It shouldn't have been that shocking to see him since it was his routine that she had matched, but it had been so long that she didn't think it would be possible he still went there. A bit startled she stepped back, the heel of her boot crunching onto a stick.

"Rune?" Severus turned to her, his instincts still sharp from the war. Already caught, she tried her best to confidently stride to his side. Sitting down, she ensured that her skirt was spread so it covered her legs.

"I came out here in a fit of nostalgia. I wasn't looking for you." Rune sniffed. The whole reason she met him as a raven to begin with was because they used to come as kids.

"I see." He dryly responded, amusement twinkling in his eyes.

For a long while they sat in companionable but awkward silence, watching the sun descend into the horizon.

"I always seem to say the wrong things to you." He finally spoke and her eyes widened, shocked that he broke their stalemate. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"… it's okay." Rune sighed. "We've been estranged for a long time. It might take a while to get used to each other again."

"Right."

As always, Severus was a very severe and awkward man. She could see him hesitate, start to speak, and stop many times. In front of others he could be confident and scathing, but for her it was harder. She was in this uncomfortable zone of being close enough to be vulnerable with but delicate and broken from her trauma. Not only was he prone to overshare with her, he was also scared to cause her distress.

"Tomorrow let's meet up at eight o'clock. I'll give you a walkthrough of your responsibilities and we can start writing up a lesson plan." It was just like him to deflect and talk about work. She couldn't help but to giggle, charmed by his familiar demeanor. Shocked, he looked at her face and slowly his expression softened.

"Alright. Let's do that." Allowing herself to bask in his presence instead of closing her heart, she leaned forward and rested her cheek on her knees, staring at him with her large black-brown eyes. Unable to escape the moment, he looked back at her. Time slowed, the pair pausing to remember how they used to be.

It didn't stop her stomach from complaining.

"I'm hungry, Severus." She announced, standing in one graceful swoop and brushing grass from her skirt. He took her cue and offered an arm to support her walking through the grass on her heeled boots. Grateful she took the escort.

For the most part their privacy was given and the other staff ignored how they came into the Great Hall walking close together, Severus her support. It was unusual to see him cater to anyone so they wanted to stare, but they kept to themselves. Professor Sprout was gleeful to see Rune again, chittering about all the plants she was cultivating that would go to excellent use in her potions. Another person glad to see her was Professor Flitwick who was more cautious in his approach. It was if he knew of her hardships.

There were new faces she had never met before, like Hagrid, Trelawney, and Madame Hooch. While she found Trelawney and Hooch difficult to deal with, Hagrid was a warm presence that she took to quickly.

Out of everyone the hardest presence was Madam Pomfrey. During her time at Hogwarts alone she had healed many of the injuries inflicted by Avery. While Rune had deflected and managed to keep the problem from escalating into a disciplinary issue, it was impossible to avoid the infirmary. And Rune knew if she was staff at Hogwarts it was likely that Madam Pomfrey had received her medical file for reference.

She knew everything. It was abundantly clear by the way her eyes rested on her, a sad empathy playing over her face. Rune did her best to smile and try to diffuse the concern, but worrying about people was her job and she did it well.

Because of her insular nature after her kidnapping she had spent very little time interacting with others. The whole endeavor sapped her social battery and she found herself drained. She couldn't even bother to bathe, using her magic to clean her body and stripping off her clothes before she fell asleep on her bed.