Summary: Time for some more drunken shenanigans. Now the two half-elves are the main stars of the show!

In an instant, the world around Emilia was covered in a purple haze. Visibility was rather poor, but she could still make out the fine details of the tavern they were in if she squinted.

"Woah, this is re-e-eally cool! Hic! So that's how this shadouwolking spell works like from the inside. A-a-awesome!"

"Shadow walkin'. Tella said I ca-a-alled it Astral Walk before, so we went with tha-a-at name."

"Right, right. So no one... Hic! ...no one sees us at all?"

Without even looking in the direction of her knight, who corrected her prior misspell, Emilia began waving her hands in front of the bartender, trying to get his attention. Predictably, there was no reaction.

"As you can see, girl, the spell of Absolute Obstruction makes you completely unperceivable, in fact."

"Astral Walk, use its original name, Betty."

"I will not, half-elf. Absolute Obstruction sounds more refined, in fact!"

"Even though it's technically wrong?"

"Yes."

"Well, Tella is correct, it is a Separation magic. It's like a partial Al Shamak. Only there's still a thin link between the two worlds."

"Betty still prefers her own name, humph!"

"Cool! So, Subaru, how did you… Gr-r-r-r-r!"

Emilia wanted to inquire further, but suddenly something else just caught her attention. As she finally turned her eyes in the direction of her knight, she noticed something outrageous. That was the reason for her sudden growl.

"Ur-r-rgh! Get off him!"

Just behind the Sage stood his infamous patron, a silver-haired half-elf in a black dress. But that wasn't what caused the Royal Candidate's sudden tantrum, she was aware that Satella had been there before. No, it was the fact that she rested her head on his shoulder and tightly wrapped her arms around his torso with a satisfied grin.

"Emilia-tan, why are you so ma-a-ad?"

She wasn't certain why either, but she was indeed mad. Very much so. The alcohol in her system urged her to start a fight for the attention of her knight. Fortunately, there were two reasons why she did not actually start a scuffle with her counterpart: the first was that even though she was completely hammered, she still had some survival instinct, Satella was still one of the strongest beings in existence after all. As for the second one, well, Subaru was in between the two half-elves, acting as a human shield. So instead of targeting the so-called the Witch of Envy, Emilia's attention was turned to her knight instead:

"Subaru-u-u!"

In frustration, she weakly struck him in his chest. That is to say, weakly for her, Subaru clearly felt that she had miscalculated her half-elven strength.

"Urgh… Ouch... That hurts… What for, Emilia-tan?"

Poor Sage almost bent in half from the force of the blow.

"That's… that's for the missed date... Hic! ...You dunderhead! Always, breaking promises… Gr-r-r!"

Subaru would have found the pout cute if he hadn't been struggling to breathe.

"No one says that… Urgh! *coughs* Hard to breathe."

"Oh no, was it too hard? Hang on."

It took her a bit to realize her error. Unfortunately, Emilia's reaction to that error made things worse. Instinctively, she lunged forward to check on him, however she clearly miscalculated again and forgot to stop, instead crashing into him with full force. Subaru, on the other hand, wasn't in the best shape right now and could not stop her. Thus, in just the same way like in one of those collapsing works of art made of mahjong or domino pieces, where even one unbalanced piece could topple the whole composition, Emilia's haste caused everyone in the Sage's crew to stumble (except Reid, who was standing separately nearby): Emilia crashed face-first into Subaru, causing him to fall, which led to Satella behind him and Beatrice beside of him to fall as well.

"O-o-off!"

Needless to say, the position in which the two half-elves and their lover found themselves in was rather scandalous.

"Hah, she's just like Tella that time in Priestella when we almost flooded da place! Oi, Flugel, ya lucky bastard! Gettin' double-teamed by two hotties like that! We need to find a place for da three of ya... actually, let's go grab that Oni-chick as well. Ha-ha!

"Stop giving them ideas! Betty won't go looking for some brothel!"

"He-he, 'lright, let them do it here and now then, just ask Flugel to eject us both out, while this half-elf sandwich gets it on! Or maybe I should say SandWitch! Ha-ha… You get it? It's coz Witch and Sandwi-…"

"Yes, we do get the pun, in fact! It's terrible, I suppose! Help Betty's Subaru instead!"

Beatrice was the first one to stand back up.

"How? Get with them? They seem comfortable enough without me! And Flugel doesn't share his girlfriends, you know."

"Urgh! Stop playing around, Stick Swinger!"

"Tella, Emilia, can you two get o-o-off? I'm havin' ve-e-ery mixed feelings about what's happenin' right now!"

This was the most compromising position he could think of. Emilia was right on top of him, giving him the most unintentionally erotic view possible (arguably, the fact that Emilia had zero lewd intentions was what made it even more erotic), while the touch-starved Satella molested him from the behind, acting as a large spoon. To say that this was an arousing experience would be a ginormous understatement (in fact, Subaru rather quickly lost control of his rising beacon of masculinity, not that the Royal Candidate ever noticed that). Subaru was so distracted by the two that even the pain in his lungs from the previous blow faded. And worst of all, their answers to his pleas:

"Just a few minutes, dear. Pretty ple-e-ease?"

"No, you owe me an apology hug, nincompoop."

So it took a while. Emilia got extremely competitive and pressed pretty much her whole body against him, all the while whispering some really outdated insults (aside from two of her common ones) into his ear, including chucklehead, fop-doodle, nigmenog, and even wrinkler. Scandalous! Still, it was still incredibly arousing because her tone was full of deep affection. Tella wasn't far behind - her hands (including shadow ones) ran all over his body, giving him the greatest semi-erotic massage the Sage had ever had (though he hadn't had one before, unless you count the Witch caressing his heart or consuming him in that one Sanctuary loop as a massage). Subaru couldn't do anything since he was stuck between a hammer and an anvil, and a very soft hammer and anvil at that. Involuntarily, a certain lewd image appeared in his mind. It was an image of a scene from one of the spicy videos that he had watched back at home: when the naked girl in a crowd of guys had a dozen or so hands fondling her body. Except now he was the girl in question. All in all, it was a strange experience: sure, it was incredibly sensual and comfortable, but horny thoughts never left his mind, no matter how hard he tried to shake them off, and that also filled him with immense shame. Stuck between his immense Lust and his incredible Chastity (and literally stuck as well), he did not know what to do.

Eventually, one of them was satisfied:

"Alright, I'm sated for now."

Satella ended her molestations by affectionately patting her lover's head and kissing his temple, then she quickly crawled out from under them, using her shadow hands to first lift and then lower them to the ground. Emilia quickly took note and began to pat his head, and kiss his face as well.

"Emilia-tan, Tella has stopped, now you please."

"No!"

"Emilia-tan, please, this is to-o-o-o much for my weak heart!"

"She's been clinging to you all this time, hasn't she?! I need a… Hic! ...compensation!"

"Sigh, okay. But just a fe-e-ew more minutes."

"Mhm, a few more minutes."

Thankfully, it was indeed only a few more minutes until she finally got off him. And when she did:

"Betty's Subaru is one hell of a pervert, I suppose. Get your mind out of the gutter."

Beatrice nodded into the direction of the bulge in Subaru's pants. A rather impressive one at that, in Satella's opinion. That caused Subaru to quickly cover it up.

"Hey, I was li-i-iterally molested by the two girls I'm into! If tha-a-at wasn't the time to become… ready, I don't know when it is!"

"Subaru, what is tha-..?"

"No-o-ope. Now's no-o-ot the time to give you a sex-ed, Emilia-tan, espe-e-ecially after what just happened. No deaths by Snu-Snu for me toda-a-ay!" "That would be the best check point I ever had though."

"Te-he-he-he-he!"

Satella couldn't help but to snicker. She was sure that if that was going to happen (which she would like very much), they'd be the first to run out of stamina.

"Oi, Flugel, ya really should. She'd be a big freak in bed just like Tella, no doubt 'bout it."

"Sigh, lets go already, I suppose, we can't maintain Astral Walk forever, in fact!"

"Sure-sure."

"Ehm, right. Hic! I wanted to ask: Subaru, how did you manage to get it to work?"

"Betty's Subaru is just that exceptional, in fact. He aced it."

"Oh, well, Emilia-tan, it went kinda like this:"

Some time ago.

"Argh! Fuck, shit, fuck! Fuck! Argh!"

"Calm down, in fact. Your noisy temper tantrums are interfering with the mana! It hurts Betty!"

Previously, Subaru hadn't been aware of the effect that his Authority had on his companion. In fact, his anger was so great that he was barely felt the world around him shake. In the end, it was the realization of the consequences of his tantrums that finally stiffened his anger.

With that, the trembling in the air stopped just as quickly as it had begun. The knight standing guard looked terrified. His weapon had long since fallen to the floor, and he sat slumped on the ground, eyes wide.

"Betty extends the apologies for her contractor's vile behavior. He can not control his emotions."

"Oh… sure… no need to apologize."

Noticing the dropped weapon, the guard quickly picked it up and got straight back up.

"Urgh!"

With that final grunt, the last vestiges of Subaru's anger were gone too.

"Tella, so can you show me that shadow walking spell?"

"Do you want some time alone?"

"Yeah."

"Well, since we were the ones who developed it, it should be easy for you. You will have to use Betty's gate or transform into someone who can cast it."

"Not a problem. Cor Leonis."

He quickly linked himself, Beatrice, and Satella in order to share mana.

"Alright, concentrate. Feel the mana inside our bodies and gently guide it through Betty's gate. Just like usual. Good! Now the difficult part, the spell matrix: feel the surrounding world around you. Got it? Now choose a piece of it around us. And now push it away. Just a tiny bit, not enough to separate it completely. Great! I can already see the extension of it. Now shift its properties, hide it from the rest of the world while giving us a little peek, you do it the same way you would cast Shamak. And release the matrix. There, wonderful! Now all you have to do is cross the boundary yourself, it shouldn't be too difficult."

"Wah! What is this, in fact?"

"Yay! You did it, dear!"

"Honestly, that wasn't too difficult."

"Is this the obstruction spell that Betty's Subaru asked you to use back then, I suppose?"

"Yes. Well, obstruction is not the correct way to describe it. It's close to separation – a variation of Shamak. We called it Astral Walk."

"Ah, I see. Interesting. So the border is…"

"Paper thin, you could cross in and out. But you have to know where to go. So also quite private too."

"An ingenious design. Subaru's aptitude is extraordinary, in fact!"

"So completely invisible, but is it silent? Oi, guard, can you hear me?"

The aforementioned guard was still looking around, clearly wondering where the two of them had gone to.

"It also separates physically. You can walk through objects."

"Wait, really? Fuck, that's awesome! Honestly, Beako, we should've spent time developing this!"

"E.M.T. and E.M.M. are still rather impressive, in fact. Those two are more useful, I suppose."

"Yeah, they are, but I still think we are wasting time with E.M.F."

"Don't give up. We will figure it out. E.M.T. and E.M.M. were you redoing your past progress, I suppose, since your girlfriend is aware of them, but E.M.F. will be revolutionary, in fact!"

E.M.F. was the third special spell that he and Beatrice were developing.

"Mhm, don't give up, love."

"Well, we'll take another look at that after I deal with all this chaos. Right now, I just want to walk around for a while."

"So that's ro-o-oughly how it went."

"Yes, Subaru just somehow managed it on the first try, I suppose. Betty has no idea why. Maybe it's because he was threading on the same ground."

"He's very smart."

"Aye-aye, Flugel is a smart fella. But like subtle smart."

Reid and Satella nodded in agreement. The latter wanted to reach out and pet him, but the Sage deftly dogged the attempt.

"Tella, no gettin' handsy. Emilia-tan is fumin' alre-e-eady. One catfight is eno-o-ough."

"I'm not fuming! Hic!"

"Then why there's a po-o-out on your pretty fa-a-ace?"

"Urgh! You are very smart, Subaru. One of the smartest people I know."

"Wo-o-ow, where did that come from?"

"Dunderhead!"

"No one says tha-a-at anymore. Besi-i-ides, isn't it a little weird to call someone an idiot ri-i-ight after callin' them smart?"

"Gr-r-r!"

"Enough flirting already, I suppose!"

Finally, the Sage's current partners in crime left the Scarlet Maiden. But soon after more complications arose.

"Subaru?"

"What is it?"

"M-m-m..."

"You can spe-e-eak freely, Emilia-tan."

"It is… private…"

"'lright, then whisper it into my e-e-ear."

"*whispering*"

"Oh, that's not a problem at a-a-all! Just return back to the Scarlet Ma-a-aiden!"

"It would be so embarrassing to tell Vik... Can't we... Hic! ...both sneak in?"

"Emilia-tan, I won't fo-o-ollow you there!"

"Why?"

"Why do you even ask that question?! Of course I wo-o-on't! Sigh, there's another tavern over there too. Go the-e-ere then if you are that afraid of Vik"

"But..."

"No buts. He-he, butts."

"There's an alley there…"

"No-o-o! That's na-a-aughty, Emilia-tan! Imagine the rumors if someone sees you! Just go to that tavern over the-e-ere. Here's a few silver, just in case the owner asks for pa-a-ayment."

"Urgh, okay, Subaru."

After some grumbling, Emilia conceded. And with that, the Half-elf Royal Candidate temporarily exited the Astral Walk and left the quintet (now the quartet).

"What's goin' on?"

"Uh, don't laugh, just bla-a-adder problems."

Surprisingly, no one did.

"I mean, makes sense. Da girl had drunk a few bottles. Unlike da two of us, she didn't go to da restroom. Besides, she's a casual drinker."

"By the way, how were you two able to drink so much, in fact? Betty, had never seen anything like that before, I suppose."

"Oh, that's just da Flow Technique, only aimed at da liver. We called it Drunkard's Endurance! I taught it to him on our first journey, but he got so good that he actually surpassed me!"

"That's because I'm a-a-awesome!"

"That ya are! Da fuckin' coolest guy in da world! Let's drink to that."

"Drinks are gone, Reid."

"Oh, that's right, Tella. Well, let's grab some of Flugel's stuff when we get back!"

"Aye, let's do tha-a-at, bro! Hm… wait…."

Suddenly, Subaru had a inkling that something important was nearby. He began to look around until he finally found the source of it.

"Wait, see that girl over the-e-ere?"

That inkling turned out to be a little girl in trouble.

"Ah, shit, da Lolimancer is back in action again…"

"He-he. Let him do his thing, Reid."

"Come on, guys, she seems lost."

With that, Subaru dismissed Astral Walk, leaving only his patron hidden, and went straight to the tearful child.

"Oi, I remember that gi-i-irl! That's… Plum… I think that was her na-a-ame… Da-a-amn, that makes me…"

"Nostalgic?"

"Yeah, in a bittersweet wa-a-ay. A trace of my old innocence. He-e-ey there!"

"Oh, hello, Mister! Wait, mother told me not to talk to strangers, right. My name is not Plum, and I'm definitely not lost."

Plum made sure they got the false information, just like her mother told her to do in case a stranger began asking her questions. She did a good job of it. Obviously.

"Heh. Well, yeah, you really shouldn't ta-a-alk to strangers, good parentin' there. But I'm not a stra-a-anger... eh... I guess I kinda am... in thi-i-is time… but like I more of an acquaintance by proxy!"

"Proxy?"

"It's when you don't actually know the pe-e-erson, but has the one who do-o-oes. He-e-ence, acquaintance by proxy."

"You do know someone that I know?"

The little girl, too fascinated by Subaru's innate charm (the amazing Authority of Lolimancy), didn't even notice that he was terribly drunk.

"Your mo-o-o-other and your fa-a-ather. Your mom's a housewife and your dad's a fru-u-uit seller, right?"

"Yes. So are you a friend?"

"That I a-a-am. And you are cle-e-early lost. By the wa-a-ay, who lets their child out at night?"

"Mom is busy cooking, she told me to hang out near the home, but there was a shiny blob that was wandering around the place and I followed it and then I got lost."

"Hu-u-uh, it might be one of the Emilia's spirits. She said she scattered them around the ci-i-ity. We-e-ell, let's find your father, then. I know where his stall is. But fi-i-irst, do you want to see somethin' cool?"

"Cool?"

"Here's a grove-edged… Wa-a-ait, actually, that's just a normal coin, huh. I didn't bring the ones from home he-e-ere... We-e-ell, this one would do too, because it's a Magical Sage Coin!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, look, it has the Sage on it, that's me by the way. Looks ki-i-inda weird, though, not like I look at all… A-a-anyway, look, it jumps aro-o-ound! Look, now it's in my hand. And now, after we give it a sha-a-ake…"

He closed his fist and the opened it again.

"And it's gone!"

"Oh! It's really gone!"

"Where did it go to, Subaru? Is it really magical, in fact?"

Beatrice thought the Al Shamak had been used to hide the coin, but there were clearly no mana disturbances associated with Subaru casting through her gate. So was it really a magical metia?

"He-he, even Betty is surprised by that one, love."

"Ha-ha, ri-i-ight. It really i-i-is magical, Beako! Here it is!"

Suddenly he pulled it out of Plum's hair.

"O-o-oh! So co-o-ol!"

"But it doesn't just jump aro-o-ound, Beako. No! It also duplicates!"

Suddenly he pulled the second one out of Beatrice's drills.

"Okay, now that one I did not expect."

"I'm improvin' my tri-i-icks, Tella-tan. You can each have one. But you have to be ve-e-ery special to activate the jumpin' ability, so tra-a-ain hard, and one day you can do it."

"Betty can do it already, in fact. Al Shamak."

Her coin vanished only to reappear a few seconds latter in Subaru's open hand. While the spell was costly in terms of mana, simply hiding a coin in another dimension wasn't as taxing as one might think.

"E-e-ey, you got it, Beako. But you, Plum, have to learn magic to do somethin' like tha-a-at."

"I will, Mister!"

"Subaru, ju-u-ust Subaru. Take my hand, let's get you to your fa-a-ather."

"And da loli is manced, he-he. New record, Flugel?"'

Meanwhile.

"Sneaky-sneak. Hic!"

Although Emilia listened to Subaru's suggestion, she didn't want to pay. Her first reason was that it would be wasteful to rent a room just to use the toilet once. As for the second reason, it would still be incredibly embarrassing. That's why she was so incredibly stealthy. Absolutely invisible. And silent. Definitely.

In reality, of course, she wasn't, it was just that the only person in the main hall of the tavern, the owner, knew better than to ask questions of the Witch's lookalike. The place was completely empty, most of his usual clients had gone to the neighboring watering hole today for some reason. Well, shit happens, it wasn't the first time he was running it at a loss.

Eventually, after some very stealthy search, Emilia found the lavatory, did the deed, and equally stealthily (not really) left the place. She was about to loudly announce that, however:

"Urgh, where did Subaru go?"'

"Gr-r-r! There you are! Hic! Always running off somewhere, always causing trouble! Hic! Dunderhead!"

"Hi there, Miss! I remember you!"

The little girl was the first one to notice the approaching Royal Candidate.

"Oh, you've located us, Emilia-tan! I'd figured you will after findin' this little gu-u-uy."

In her knight's hands, a small floating bulb of light shone softly. This spirit was how they were located.

"Why do you always ditch me, urgh!"

"So-o-orry, Emilia-tan, but we were only two streets aw-a-a-ay. Had to rescue this little tro-o-oublemaker."

"That she is. No doubt you had your mom so worried with your antics. Oi, miss, by the way, weren't you just over there?"

The fruit vendor pointed to the empty side of the Sage.

"Eh, no… Hu-u-uh?"

"I swear I saw you right over there in a black dress. I remember a year ago, when you rescued my daughter the first time, you were wearing the same clothes you are now. I thought it was weird to change your style all of a sudden."

"The fuck you are talkin' 'bout, Kadomon? Emilia-tan a-a-always wears white and purple! Black and yellow is my thin'!"

The Sage's group could hear someone snickering next to them.

"Strange… Plum, dear, have you seen another white-haired lady with purple eyes like this one?"

"No, Papa."

"Well, either way, thanks for rescuing my daughter again. That was one unlucky day. Bloody Dragons and the news of the Priestella disaster got all the people scared, so I got almost no clients, and the damn quake ruined a quarter of my goods. At least my darling daughter is safe."

"Betty wonders what is the reason for all of this bad luck, I suppose..."

"Heh, no idea, Beako. 'lright, have a good night, Appa Guy!"

"Good luck to you too, kid."

With that, the unlucky fruit seller and his daughter departed.

And so the crew continued on. The streets were empty. Satella grew less weary of being found, and shifted the spell matrix a bit, to the point where she was fully visible (and audible) to the members of the crew. As for the outsiders, if they had looked at the living calamity, they would have seen only a moving veil of shadows that followed the Great Sage wherever he went.

"He-he. Got him! He had no idea."

The Sage's eternal companion continued to snicker, nay, to cackle (like a Witch). It was rather unlike her usual melancholic self.

"Tella-tan, why did you confu-u-use the poor old guy? He already had eno-o-ough bullshit for today."

"I thought it'd be funny."

"I mean, it was kinda funny tho, Flugel."

"Betty agrees, if Satella had worn the same clothes, they would look almost the same, I suppose."

"So next time I should take her clothes?"

"Aye-aye, Tella."

"I'm not giving you my clothes!"

"Can't Rem just make a duplicate? She did that with my tracksuit."

"Sigh, you can copy them… but no wearing them all day or trying to deceive my… Hic! ...knight. It would be so weird if…"

Emilia's mind already conjured up the image of Satella making out with her knight while dressed as her. To be fair, Satella had conjured up that image before too. Quite a couple of times, actually.

"Hah, I don't think Tella can pull you off, Emilia-tan. Te-e-ella is Te-e-ella and yo-o-ou are yo-o-ou. I'll never confuse you two!"

"M-m-m, okay. I trust you, Subaru."

"Too easy."

"Yep, ya right, Ankle-Biter, this lass is way too easy to fool and appease."

"Huh, who are you two talking about?"

"No one, Emilia-tan."

Emilia became even more confused by this exchange, but was too distracted by Subaru's head-pats to inquire further.

"So, where to next, love?"

"Well, I'm feelin' ki-i-inda nostalgic after meetin' the Appa Guy, so let's just visit some cool old places."

Their next destination was the alleyway where the fated meeting between the Sage and his Mistress took place. Or so he told.

"...And then, when all hope seemed lost, that's when I he-e-eard it: "That's enough, villains!", and at that mo-o-oment I realized..."

"You shouldn't do that."

"Oh!"

The sensation of frozen time suddenly hit the Sage. He immediately turned to the woman in black.

"But they don't beli-i-ieve me, Tella-tan. They think it's just some more of my drunken ramblings."

"Still, please don't mention things from the dead ends without a reason. Wrangling the Envy is very difficult."

"I'm surprised you are holdin' out for so lo-o-ong, Tella."

"I am too, your presence helps a lot, just please… Don't."

"Oka-a-ay, I'll just play it off."

The time resumed.

"… realized that I'm…"

"That's not how it happened! Hic! We didn't even meet until the fight with Elsa!"

"Well, that's just what this place evokes in me. Even if it is just some random dingy alley. That's how I would've written it in my memoirs!"

"But that's all false!"

"Yet so theatrical! A kind-hearted young wo-o-oman conquers a young man's heart by showin' ki-i-indness at the exact time he was in need of it, thu-u-us earnin' his undyin' loyalty!"

"Urgh, Subaru, stop playing around..."

"Heh, 'lright, 'lright, there are two more places that I want to visit."

"And this the place where are I started from ze-e-ero."

"From zero? What do you mean? You never told Betty anything about this place, in fact."

"Oh, we-e-ell, that story goes back to the early Royal Selection, right after the scuffle with Julius…"

"Oh, no..."

…

…

…

"...And we-e-ell, you know, after someone pushes you forward like tha-a-at, after that someone gives you a path to walk, te-e-ells you that you are a hero in her eyes, how could you not fall in love with that so-o-omeone? That's how I fell in love with Rem, despi-i-ite all of her issues."

"Subaru, I'm sorry… I never apologized…"

"For what?"

"For leaving you here! Hic! I told you not to return and…"

"Nah, Emilia-tan, I absolutely dese-e-erved that kind of treatment back then."

"No, you didn't, I was the one re- Hic!" "-sponsible"

"Nope, I take one hu-u-undred percent of the responsibility for our fight back the-e-en. No arguin'."

"But…"

"No buts."

"Dunderhead."

"Emilia-tan, come o-o-on, let me be a gentleman."

"Nincompoop."

"No one says either of…"

"Muffin-head."

"A-a-alright, let's drop this argument befo-o-ore you exhaust your poor insult vocabulary, Emilia-tan."

"Chucklehead."

"..."

"Zounderkite."

"..."

"Lubberwort."

"..."

Eventually, Emilia's knowledge of old, obscure insults has finally run out. At the same time, they have also reached their last destination.

"And we're here. The legendary Lo-o-o-ot House, what's left of it."

"Damn, they still haven't repaired it?"

"I mean, that makes sense, gi-i-iven the condition of the rest of the Slums, Emilia-tan."

"Looks like all the loot is gone too. Some scavengers picked da place."

"Pro-o-obably not, Reid. More likely old man Rom just cleaned it all out himself."

"Guess so, Flugel. Now what's da story with this place?"

"Oh, that's the place where our resolve was fi-i-irst tasted. It all happened…"

"Let me tell this one, Subaru."

"Oh, okay, why the enthu-u-usiasm?"

"I need to tell the truth, otherwise you're gonna tell your tall tales again! Hic! That's how the things really went here…"

…

…

…

Emilia managed to make a decent summary of the events despite the jumbled speech and the constant hiccups.

"...And then, when I thought he… Hic! ...was going to ask something mean or naughty, he just said: "I want you to tell me your name." in that silly voice of his."

"Hey, it wasn't silly at a-a-all! That was "Subaru, the he-e-eartbreaker" voice!"

"It was pretty silly."

"I know, right! Re-e-eally silly."

The two half-elves showed surprising unity in this assessment. Although they both found the voice equally cute.

"God dammit, I thought that was co-o-ool..."

"It was… Hic! I don't mean the voice, just the words themselves. He explained the reasoning to me later, but honestly, I still don't understand why you just asked for my name and nothing else."

"I mean, would you give your real name to so-o-omeone who just came up to you and said he wa-a-anted to help you find your insi-i-ignia?"

She paused, for a second, she wanted to answer "Yes" right away, but then she started to hesitate – if Subaru had approached her earlier, would she trust him? Would she even want for him to get into trouble with her? Probably not.

"Se-e-e-e? That's what I am talkin' about."

Of course, Subaru had already experienced that in his first try of this fateful day.

"I guess I would not. But that's not really the point. Hic! In that moment, when you simply gave your name and asked for mine, despite all the prejudices associated with my kind, I… I felt a real connection with some- Hic! ...someone, the second one I had after Puck. I felt like I could trust you… no matter what would've happened afterwards. I felt like I could open up to you and you would listen. I felt like I could spend time with you just talk- Hic! ...talking about things like a normal person, not a reviled pariah. I felt like I could always be with you, in sadness and in happiness... I felt like I could have a great time with you, in short. It changed me… well, started to change me..."

Satella, Reid and Beatrice immediately noticed a sudden shift in the atmosphere as Emilia rambled on. You could say that there was love in the air. However, the two love-struck idiots did not even realize it themselves. Emilia was unaware of just how close she was to the confession that she desperately wanted to make, courtesy of being terribly drunk, as for Subaru, he was basically in the adoration phase right now, simply fawning over how adorable Emilia's speech was without paying attention to the unintended hidden context these words had. After all, he was somewhat used to the friend-zone (and "maybe something more, but I am not sure"-zone) that Emilia had left him in.

"...And then we've noticed that you were hurt and…"

Just like that, Emilia's emotional state turned on his head once again. Suddenly, tears sprang from her eyelids. Subaru was quick to notice and pulled her close to him.

"I was so *sniff* scared that you were going to die! I was so desperate to *sniff* heal you! I thought I was so cursed that I couldn't have anyone like you, that it was my fate to ruin everything I touch! *sniff* I poured all my remaining mana in order to save him!"

"Don't be so overly dramatic, I suppose. You only stabilized him by stopping the bleeding and healed the surface wound. Betty had to do all the hard work, in fact! Also, you had to use your contracted spirits for this feat. Your own healing abilities are practically non-existent."

"I couldn't! I wish *sniff* I was as good at healing as Beatrice, Garfiel or as Felix, but I'm not."

"Nah, you are good eno-o-ough, Emilia-tan."

"Did I do good *sniff*, Subaru?"

The tearful girl resting on his chest desperately sought his approval.

"Yep, you did go-o-o-od. I would've died if not for you." "Honestly, it would have been frustrating to redo it again."

His hand began to gently stroke her head again. Before long Emilia began to doze off.

"Da-a-amn, drunken Emilia is so-o-o cute. This ki-i-inda reminds me of the King Game and the Flanel Fruit incident."

"What happened?"

"Oh, we were ju-u-ust playin' a "drunken party" type game (except we weren't dru-u-unk) and Emilia accidentally got dru-u-ugged. We-e-ell, Rem tried to feed it to me, but Emilia-tan, in her ama-a-azin' innocence, took the hit. She was ve-e-ery... childish, ve-e-ery pure at the time."

"Your king tasks were outrageous, in fact!"

"Hey, Beako, it's not my fault that we were gettin' each other all the ti-i-ime! I was targetin' Emilia prima-a-arily, maybe Ram and Rem second."

"Pervert."

"No-no-no-no-no. Not tha-a-at type of Lolimancer! No wa-a-ay I'm ever going to touch a kid inappropriately. Don't you reme-e-ember how frustrated I was at even gettin' you?"

"That is true, I suppose…"

While the Sage and his spirit bantered, another half-elf suddenly joined Emilia.

"Tella-tan?"

"You know, I worry about you too… And, well, Envy is getting jealous."

The last thing was not true, although Envy did rumble a bit, it was nothing that Satella could not handle. In reality, she just wanted more affection.

"Oh, sure thin', he-e-ere."

To make it fair, he placed Satella's head on his other pectoral, just a few centimeters away from Emilia. Both of his hands had to be used for the head-patting part to ensure the satisfaction of both.

"Damn, Flugel's out here living his best life! And that's just da first half of his harem."

"I'm not makin' a ha-a-arem, dude. It's just… my love life is fu-u-ucked up…"

"Ya say that like ya don't enjoy havin' two of those hotties on yo chest? Like ya never thought about havin' a threesome with them? Or maybe even a fivesome with Oni-chick and Scorpio-chick?"

"I mean… Well... Fuck, I have no co-o-omeback for tha-a-at."

"Heh. Told ya."

And then it got even worse:

"Ah!"

His patron moaned briefly when Subaru accidentally brushed her ear.

"Tella-tan?"

"No-no-no, don't pull the hand back. Keep going!"

The Sage hesitantly obeyed his lover's order.

"Tella-ta-a-an, do you get off on ear-touchin'?"

"It's an erogenous zone."

"Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait. Is that a universal thin'? An e-e-elf thin'? Or just your thin'?"

"An elf and half-elf thing. Ears, and especially eartips, are very sensitive for our kind."

"O-o-oh… That's why Emilia always felt a bit fu-u-uzzy after I accidentally touched them a couple of times while I was doin' her ha-a-air, huh?"

"It is re-e-eally pleasant, but a little strange feeling."

The half-asleep half-elf whispered to her knight.

"The ears of most demi-humans are much more developed than those of normal humans, in fact. But that's also the point of vulnerability, I suppose."

"Wa-a-ait, how do you even know that, Beako?"

""Notes on Anatomical Structure of Various Races", Kairo Devan. Mother left a lot of books like that, in fact."

"Huh, not a smut book? I tho-o-ought you'd find somethin' like that in "Promi-i-iscuous Elven Maid and Her Perverted Human Ma-a-aster.""

"There is no such book!"

"Yeah, sure, Beako, the smut connoisseur."

"Urgh!"

"M-m-m." "M-m-m..."

Without even realizing it, the Sage intensified the assault on Satella's ears even further and even began to brush Emilia's as well, eliciting more satisfied sighs from both of them.

"I mean, to be fair, Tella's a big freak when it comes to everythin' ya do to her. Ya once said that she likes to have her ears bitten whilst being railed by ya. I tried that too, but da chick I was poundin' at da time started screamin' and ran away."

"Reid, you were not supposed to… M-m-m… not supposed to actually bite the ear. Just nibble on it a little bit during particularly passionate moments."

"O-o-oh… Flugel, why da fuck ya didn't tell me that?"

"He-e-ey, I don't remember even tellin' that! Besides, who the fu-u-uck in their right mind tries to bite someone's e-e-ear off?"

"You are all impossible, in fact! Stop all this disgusting bedroom talk right now! What happened to all of you today?!"

"Huh, come to thi-i-ink of it, this evenin' is particularly horny. What, did Vik mixed aphrodi-i-isiac in our drinks? What an old horndog! Or is it just the a-a-alcohol?"

"I am not drunk though, love."

"Don't the three mugs of be-e-e-er I brought you count?"

Back at the Scarlet Maiden, Subaru sneakily passed a couple of mugs to his invisible patron at her request. So she was definitely under the influence, though not as much as Emilia.

"No-o-ope, definitely not drunk, just a bit tipsy."

To be fair, her speech was relatively normal. Her upbeat and vulgar behavior, however, was not.

"Well, you bein' ve-e-ery freaky honestly sounds normal, Tella-tan. I don't think alcohol even did a-a-anythin' to you."

"Gr-r-r, I'm not freaky… Well, may be a little freaky. In healthy doses."

"After four hundred years of abstinence? In healthy doses? Really? I'm honestly surprised ya haven't raped him yet, Tella."

"I would never, Reid… Well, unless he consents…"

"Then it's not rape by defini-i-ition, Tella-tan."

"Right, right. But I mean, you have a lot to do right now. I don't want to bother you with my own desires."

"Ye-e-eah, and I'm glad we can leave things like tha-a-at for now."

Somewhat begrudgingly, Satella finally ended her head-patting session by getting off Subaru's chest.

"Still wa-a-ay too much bedroom talk today. And gropin'. And pressin' your sexy bodies into me. And moanin' while be-e-ein' pet. I feel like we a-a-all need a cold shower. Especially Emilia-tan, to get her so-o-ober and awake."

"Ah? Huh? Where am I? Subaru? I… dozed off..."

"That's exa-a-actly what I'm talkin' about."

Slowly Emilia managed to wake up, get up from Subaru's chest and steady herself (well, as much as her inebriation allowed her to).

"Well, let's go home. Preferably as soon as possible, so Emilia doesn't collapse again."

"I can teleport us back."

"Or you can transform into a dragon, Subaru."

"Or ya can use yo cool sword. Da one that makes portals."

"No need for all that no-o-onsense, we can go on foot. Just pick up the pa-a-ace."

"Betty knows of another way to make it back faster. And more entertaining one, I suppose."

"Hm-m-m? Go ahead, Beako."

Although Subaru was against using all of the aforementioned means of transportation, he was still very interested in what his spirit had in mind. Unfortunately, he did not notice her grin in time, a grin with just a tiny hint of malice.

"Allow me to demonstrate. Murak."

In an instant, the Sage's body became nearly weightless.

"Oh cool, we can run across the ro-o-o-oftops like ninjas!"

"Not exactly what Betty meant, he-he. Fula."

Beatrice wasn't particularly attuned to Wind mana, but she still had a few tricks up her sleeve. Before they made a contract, the Great Spirit of Yin often had to expel him from her library with Wind magic. Of course she stopped that after they tied their fates to one another. That is to say, until now she stopped.

In an instant her contractor was launched into the air and thrown down the street.

"A-A-A-H-H-H! BEAKO, WHAT THE FU-U-UCK!"

The loud scream echoed all the way across the city.

"Hah! Serves you right, for teasing your spirit all day, I suppose! Humph!"

"Beako!"

"It's still Beatrice to you, half-elf. And Betty's Subaru needs to be taught a lesson in respect sometimes, in fact!"

"Never mind that, we need to save him!"

Emilia rushed forward to save him first, not that she had any way to break Subaru's fall.

"He'd be fine, right?"

"Subaru is good at parkour, in fact. Besides, as you all said, there are various ways for him to break his fall."

"A-A-A-H-H-H! BEAKO, WHAT THE FU-U-UCK!"

Due to his weightlessness, even the tiniest gust of Fula sent him flying high into the air. Currently, Subaru was at about the height of the tenth-story building and was still climbing. At about the seventeen meter level, he felt the effects of Murak fade due to the proximity from his spirit. Still, he was still climbing due to inertia, but not for long. This was bad.

Beatrice was correct, there were many ways for Subaru to break the fall: Authority of Lust would allow him to transform into his flying friend, or even someone who could cast Murak, Reality Slasher could be used to teleport him safely to the ground (though he would have to do this when his ascent stopped to avoid being launched again due to the conservation of speed). Finally, screaming "Satella, please help!" would work (as she could teleport to him and reapply Murak), though of course the consequences of yelling that in the Capital would be catastrophic.

Unfortunately, Subaru never even considered any of these three options. The reason for this was that the mere fact that he was incredibly drunk heavily influenced his decision making, so instead of doing any of these things, he simply plummeted back down towards his doom. But just as he was about to turn into a splatter, something miraculous happened. Overdosed with a sudden burst of adrenaline, his body, that was trained in the ancient arts of whip-wielding and unorthodox obstacle traversal (known back home as parkour), reacted all on its own. His saving grace was a solitary lamppost, to which he latched his whip at the last possible moment. And just as he was about to smash face-first into the ground and break, well, everything, the Guiltywhip snapped back and launched him back into the air. Using his weapon as a pseudo-bungee, he made a full swing, then another, and then another, before finally losing his grip on the whip and returning back to the ground. The final landing was sub-optimal, as his legs immediately grew weak from the shock of the impact, but he was alive, safe, and did not even break anything.

"Subaru! You're safe!"

Before he could even catch his breath, Emilia launched himself towards him and took him in a deep embrace.

"I was so worried!"

"Ten outta ten for breakin' da fall part. Da landin' sucked tho, Flugel."

"Not dead. Not dead. Alive and well! No need to be afraid anymore, Tella. He's safe!"

Satella was obviously worried about Subaru's safety as well. She mistimed the spell casting and lost her line of sight, causing her teleportation spell to fizzle just as she was about to save him. Predictably, she was terribly worried.

"I told you Betty's Subaru would be fine."

"Gr-r-r. Dunderhead!"

Surprisingly, the familiar insult wasn't directed at her knight. The half-elf quickly broke the hug, turned to the Great Spirit of Yin and then:

"Apologize. Now."

"Ow! Ow! Ow! How dare you pull Betty by the ear, I suppose! Betty is the great spirit, in fact. Ow! Stop! Alright, alright. I'll apologize to Subaru."

Despite Beatrice's protests, the Half-elf Princess literally dragged her in by the ear.

"Urgh! Betty is sorry, she went too far. I hope Subaru is not mad at her…"

"Ho-o-oly shit..."

"...Betty will do extra chores for a week to make amends."

Beatrice realized that it was mean, petty and stupid to risk her contractor's life over a little teasing. So this apology came from the heart of the spirit.

"That was a-a-awesome!"

"Two weeks then… Wait, what?"

Beatrice felt so guilty that she did not even notice the excited look on her contractor's face.

"So co-o-o-ol, I nearly went splat! Let's do it aga-a-ain!"

What caused the sudden rush of excitement, you might ask? Brushes with death were nothing unusual for Emilia's knight. Well, not quite the brushes, he actually experienced his demise quite a few times. And, of course, he had been wounded plenty of times as well. But what had not happened so often was avoiding his death unscathed right after reaching the point where the death was only a hair's breadth away. This was a new feeling for Subaru, and it was quite exhilarating.

"No! Subaru, you dunderhead, you almost died again!"

"Dear, please. That's too much even for you. Don't waste your life on cheap trills."

Predictably, some of his companions did not share his enthusiasm.

"But, Emi-i-ilia-tan, Te-e-ella-tan. Pretty ple-e-ease!"

"No!" "No!"

When simple begging didn't work, he began to bargain:

"I will give you both a lo-o-ot more head-pats in return when we get ba-a-ack."

"No." "No..."

That was honestly quite tempting for both of them, Satella began to waver.

"You, Emilia-tan, get another te-e-en dates, absolutely pe-e-erfect ones, like the first one we had! As for you, Tella, unli-i-imited "grope-me" ticket, you can feel me up anytime!"

This was very tempting.

"Well, maybe…"

"Hey! How could you! You traitor, Satella!"

"What? The "grope-me" ticket sounds very good."

"Urgh! Then I need a "brush-me" ticket, too."

"Hu-u-uh? You want to brush my ha-a-air, Emilia-tan?"

"No, the other way around! You brush me. But reverse it's fine too, you have got such a pretty hair… Okay, I want it both ways!"

"So the "mutual-brushing" ticket?"

"Yes. And ten daytes. And head-pats." Art of the deal.

"Deal."

"Wait, really?"

"Yep."

Ten more dates, head-pats, and mutual brushing did not sound so bad to Subaru either, of course.

"What was the point of this bargaining even, in fact? If you are so afraid for his safety, you can let him take Betty with him, I suppose. I can protect him from the dangers of gravity."

"Or, ya know, just take his whip and tie yoself to him. That way ya can save him yoself."

"Woah, that's a cool idea-a-a, Reid. A-a-actually, let's make a parkour train! You dude, go in front, I'll be right behind you, Beako's on my back, followed by Tella-tan and Emilia-tan."

"A-A-A-H-H-H! BEAKO, WHAT THE FU-U-UCK!"

Leo had a simple patrol-job tonight. It had been an ordinary night watch. Normally, guarding the Merchant District at night was a low-risk job. The only people roaming around here were thieves, and they tended to avoid the knights like him. If he were stationed in the slums today, he'd fear for his life, but the markets were quiet and calm. The full moon shone brightly on the plazas and the occasional chirping of Zolda bugs made for a rather peaceful and even slightly romantic atmosphere. A perfect opportunity to just nod off and relax. Well, it would have been, if it wasn't for the screaming that started a few moments ago.

It was so sudden that the poor knight almost dropped his helmet. For the first few heartbeats, he moved his head to find the source of the noise, but to no avail. It was somewhere to the southeast, in the Slums. Fortunately, it wasn't his headache.

He was just about to fall back asleep again when:

"WO-O-OAH!"

And then, less than a minute later:

"It is awesome indeed, in fact!"

The screams were followed by a sudden quake, almost like the one yesterday. And again:

"WO-O-OW! So co-o-ol! Hic!"

And again:

"Ayo, Flugel, this is even more fuckin' insane than base-jumpin' off Volc's back!"

The noise was moving. Fast. And in his direction. In fact, it was definitely in his area of jurisdiction now.

"Fuck!"

Leo quickly slapped himself awake, unsheathed his broadsword (just in case) and rushed towards the noise.

He was lucky to catch them just as they landed again. Or unlucky, depending on your perspective. The quartet (actually the quintet, but he just didn't see Satella) were sliding down towards him on the strange ice shoes, using the large chunk of ice as a ramp.

"Stop! You violated the law. Pay the court a fine or serve your sentence. Your stolen goods are now forfeit."

"We didn't steal anything, Mr. Guard! We were just having a re-e-eally good time!"

"Sure, witch-born! Like I'd believe your kind!"

To the guard, the group sounded like a bunch of smoke-leaf junkies. Very dangerous smoke-leaf junkies at that. Leaf junkies and thieves. Especially the elf girl, with those hazed eyes, messy hair, and dull grin.

"You are charged with the use of illegal substances..."

He looked judgmentally upon the Royal Candidate.

"...violations against children..."

He turned to the Great Spirit of Yin in the Sage's hands.

"...and public indecency."

The knight shifted his attention to the Stick Swinger.

"Hey, that stupid thin' just slipped!"

Before anyone else could see his junk, the First Sword Saint quickly fixed his robe.

"That's bullshit, I suppose."

"Language, Betty."

"Sigh, Betty's frustrated, I suppose. Just when we were having some fun..."

"Urgh, it's those fuckin' assholes from the Co-o-ouncil tryin' to chain me up aga-a-ain! Shit, time for the prison arc, I gue-e-ess."

Author's note: The title of this chapter is a bit shorter than the the one on AO3 as ffnet doesn't allow long titles. The full one is:

Emilia: The Drunken Witch (of Glaciation) and Satella: (Also) The Drunken Witch (of Envy).