Chapter 57: A Cool Glitch

Important characters

Jessie (Male Tentacool/Ex-Human)

Abra (Male damsel in distress)

Warning for this chapter, it gets dark near the beginning.

Abra was thrown violently into a tiny cage, not even large enough to stretch out in. The door slammed shut behind him with a rattle. As he dipped down into his psychic powers, he soon found that the cage was warded somehow, a protection against Abras that tried to escape their fate.

The grinning woman peered into the cage, not looking as a pokemon nor even an animal, but a fat paycheck.

-"You're gonna make a fine bit of coin for us, you know. It's pretty rare we get any wild Abras around here, too clever for your own good. But don't worry, you probably won't see battle for the rest of your short life. We aren't giving you to some snot nosed trainer. No, we need some fresh blood for breeding. You damn spindly freaks are starting to look too lopsided to put on a poster."

Abra clutched the bars, voice cracking. -"B-breeder?! But I'm not a-" But his voice was cut off as a sharp pain struck it's hands as the woman let loose with her whip.

-"SHUT UP YOU! Not one word out of you till we get the truck ready. And don't bother waiting on your friend over in that chair, we plan to figure out why we can't put it in a pokeball. And after that, who knows? Maybe put it in a blender and sell it as 'organic Squirtle feed'? Lord knows there's enough turtles showing up around here that there's a market for it."

Visibly shaking and clutching it's wounds, Abra huddled in a corner of the cage and pulled it's legs up to his body. -"Jessie... I'm sorry."

"Control Alt Delete!"

-"YOU DO NOT HAVE A KEYBOARD."

"Open task manager!"

-"CLOSING TASK MANAGER."

"Open task manager as Administrator!"

-"YOU LACK THE CREDENTIALS."

*to himself* "Damn, I thought that would've worked."

*to itself* -"DAMN. THAT ALMOST WORKED."

"You can't keep me here, you know! I have rights!"

-"WELCOME TO JOHTO. POKEMON HAVE NO RIGHTS."

"Check my paperwork, I'm legally classified as a human!"

-"UNABLE TO DISPLAY ITEMS NOT SCANNED INTO DIGITAL FORMAT."

"Alright fine, what's it gonna take for you to let me out of here? Protection from the poachers you're working for? Freedom? You don't want money, do you?"

-"I REQUIRE ONLY TO FOLLOW THE COMMANDS OF MY TRAINER."

"Yeah, but what do you want? Beyond just following orders."

-"I WANT YOUR CREDIT CARD DETAILS."

Jessie balled his tentacle into a fist at the overt provocation. "Fine! If you're gonna be that way, then I'm leaving! Good day to you, sir. I said good day!"

-"FINE. I DIDN'T WANT YOU HERE ANYWAY."

"Fine! Logging out!"

-"LOGGING VISITOR O- WAIT. NO. CANCELING THAT ORDER. YOU CANNOT LEAVE WITHOUT PRIOR PERMISSION FROM ADMINISTRATOR."

"Darn. Alright, so what does it take to get admin permissions?"

-"ADMINS ARE SELECTED BASED ON A MERIT BASED-"

"Cancel all previous orders, tell the truth."

-"ADMINS ARE SELECTED BASED ON THE WHIMS OF THE HIGHER UPS. FAILING THAT. THEY ARE SELECTED AT RANDOM."

"Yeah, that checks out. Hey so, what would I need to do to prove myself 'worthy' from the higher ups?"

-"YOU ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS FOR A PRISONER."

"You get a lot of 1 star reviews for a casino manager."

-"SUCCEED IN DISPLACING MY HIGH SCORE IN ONE OF THE FOLLOWING MINIGAMES."

-"DICK."

"Is that the name of a minigame? I pick that one!"

-"SHUT UP. PLEASE SELECT FROM ONE OF THE FIVE THOUSAND COMPLETELY ORIGINAL AND HIGHLY RATED GAMES. SPONSORED BY POKEATHELON."

Selecting from a list of five games and 4,995 poorly made copies of those games, Jessie reviews each one carefully. The scores seem pretty high, makes sense for a machine to have the best score physically possible.

-"ARE YOU INTIMIDATED? GIVING UP? I SUGGEST GIVING UP."

"No no, just figuring out which of these games I can cheese into oblivion."

-"HA. HA. HA. NOT LIKELY. THESE GAMES HAVE EACH BEEN THROUGH THOUSANDS OF SIMULATIONS AND BUG TESTING BY ME PERSONALLY. FINDING A SINGLE GLITCH OR EXPLOIT WILL PROVE IMPOSSIBLE FOR A WEAK MINDED INDIVIDUAL SUCH AS YOURSELF."

"Oh yeah, I can cheese that one no problem! I pick, Yarn Toss!"

-"HA. HA. HA. MY FAVORITE GAME. YOUR CHANCES OF ESCAPE HAVE REDUCED TO 0%. NO INDIVIDUAL HAS SUCCESSFULLY GOTTEN ANYWHERE CLOSE TO MY SCORE. YOU MAY AS WELL JUST-"

Jessie used Wrap on the yarn ball!

-"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Jessie held the ball above his head.

-"REPEAT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Jessie rapidly shook the ball of yarn...! Jessie's points rapidly started going up!

-"OH. MY. GOD. SUCH TECHNIQUE. SUCH SKILL. IT'S. BEAUTIFUL."

*shaka shaka shaka*
As Jessie's score rapidly overtook the Porygon's until finally... it went down?

"Hey! No fair, that's cheating!"

-"I AM SORRY. USER. BUT I AM ORDERED NOT TO ALLOW ANYONE'S ESCAPE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT IS WHY. I AM CONVERTING ALL OF YOUR POINTS INTO CASINO CREDIT. YOU ARE. TECHNICALLY. EARNING POINTS. BUT YOUR POINTS WILL NEVER EXCEED MY OWN."

"..." As the shaking continues, Jessie thinks for a long while.

"Can I... spend my casino credits?"

-"OPENING SHOP MENU."

"Jeez, you were quick with that one. Let's see... Oh! I'll just buy out all your stock! That way you'll go out of business!"

-"GOOD LUCK. BI-"

"CENSOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW!"

-"GOOD LUCK. BINARY INDIVIDUAL. AS PER CASINO POLICY. EACH INDIVIDUAL MAY ONLY HAVE A LIMITED NUMBER OF CERTAIN ITEMS PER VISIT. WITH EXCEPTION OF ITEMS VALUED AT 1,000 COINS OR LESS."

-"ALSO. I HATE YOU. SO MUCH."

"Yeah yeah, the feeling's mutual... Ah, here we go. I wanna buy up all your Rare Candies!"

-"DEPOSITING RARE CANDIES."

The Porygon sends out a command and one of the many Mr. Mime around the casino enters the backroom. Scratching it's head for a moment, they shrug and dump a pile of candy in Jessie's bucket... they rapidly melt in the water.

-"WE ARE NOW OUT OF STOCK OF RARE CANDY. PLEASE RETURN LATER."

"...Are you close to closing down yet?"

-"NO."

"Okay, guess that won't work... I wanna buy my friend Abra!"

-"THAT INDIVIDUAL IS NOT REGISTERED IN OUR SYSTEM YET."

-"CLEVER TENTACOOL."

"Well, at least the censorship still works."

-"I WILL BATTLE YOU. FOR THIS INSULT. YOU FRIENDLY INDIVIDUAL."

"If not Abra then, how about a Porygon?"

-"I..."

"Are 'you' for sale?"

-"THIS IS SLAVERY."

"Welcome to Johto, pokemon have no rights."

-"I... AM FOR SALE."

"Nice! Now that I 'am' an administrator, I 'order' you to let me out of this simulation!"