When spending the last four years of his life sleeping on a boat, Stan had gotten used to sleeping on wobbling wooden decks, even conquering the feelings of seasickness after the first few weeks of their voyage. After all this time, perhaps the one thing he didn't know he missed most was the comfort of a normal bed.
No wobbling or swaying. No uncomfortable feeling of laying directly on top of a wooden deck. No imminent feelings of seasickness.
Just a normal, comfy bed that he could let himself sink into and fall asleep in within seconds. If there was anything he could've missed more than Dipper and Mabel again, it was that.
Hell, he would've admitted it. He missed sleeping in a good bed just a tiny bit more than he missed the kids. But he'd wonder if anyone could really blame him after all he had been through. He's earned this rest, has he not?
CRASH!
That ended it though. The loud noise of metal thrashing immediately drew Stan awake with a jolt. He glanced around frantically as he blankly wondered what was happening. He soon realized his vision wasn't exactly suitable at that moment and reached over to the side for his glasses. He put them on and looked around yet again.
RRRRRRRRR!
Stan looked in the direction of the whirring noise and caught sight of his own brother working a power saw of some sort at a desk. He wore a welding mask as sparks and little chips flew from what he was sawing.
Curiosity over Ford's activities was the last thing that Stan felt at that moment, however. He narrowed his eyes at his brother.
"FORD!" he shouted, cupping his hands around his mouth. "FORD!"
As the power saw kept running, Ford turned his head in Stan's direction. He smiled and waved a hand up before shutting off the saw. "Morning, Stanley!"
"What the hell are you doing up already?" Stan asked irritatedly. "And why are you causing such a ruckus?"
"What do you mean? I've been up for hours and you seemed to sleep just fine through my business up until now," Ford told him.
Stan stared forward for a moment upon learning this. "Oh... But why? Why so early?"
"I'm cleaning up the lab," Ford said as turned back to the table and brushed off the top of the desk. "Reorganizing, redesigning, and tidying up everything. Figured it needed to get done, and I wasn't very tired anyway, so I got up early and got to work. Perhaps you might not agree with my timing, but at least I've done most of the work for us."
"Well, in the end, it's more your lab than mine," Stan said as he scratched his back. "But hey, who am I to complain about doing less work?"
"That's one way to look at it," Ford said as he took his visor off and placed it down on the desk before walking over to him. "Anywho, how'd you sleep?"
"Great, actually, until you woke me up with your ear-grating power saw..."
"Good to hear," Ford said, suddenly growing a hesitant look. "Did you see him at all?"
"Yeah, I did actually," Stan nodded.
"What? Really?!" Ford asked, eyes widening anxiously.
"Yeah, and he was annoying," Stan said, narrowing his eyes. "Even in my dreams, Shermie still beats me at poker. I even cheated, and he still beat me! Gah, how does he do it?"
Ford frowned while glaring at Stan in annoyance. Given the current circumstances, he couldn't fathom how he figured Shermie was who he was talking about, of all people.
Stan eventually noticed Ford's look and raised an eyebrow. "What?"
"Not Sherman, you knucklehead!" Ford shouted impatiently. "Bill! Did you see Bill?"
"Geez, you coulda just said so..." Stan said, paying him an annoyed glare for a moment. "No, I didn't. Thankfully too, because he's the one thing more annoying than Shermie's poker skills."
"Well, good. Perhaps the Stabrainilizer was effective in keeping Bill locked down last night."
"The Stabra-who?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion.
"On your head, Stanley…" Ford pointed out. "Remember? The device to keep your mind stabilized while you sleep? Don't tell me Bill's short-term memory effects are still at play here…"
Stan looked up and finally noticed the device, which he couldn't believe took him so long to notice. It was a metal helmet of some sort with several large protruding wires linked up to a machine positioned right behind him. The machine had a monitor that seemed to show brain activity or brain waves.
"No, no, I remember now," Stan assured as he put his hands on the helmet and took it off, putting it to the side. "Cut me some slack, Poindexter. I just woke up here. Of course I ain't thinking straight yet. You gotta give a man like me about an hour after waking up."
"An hour, Stanley?"
"What? I haven't even eaten breakfast yet!" Stan defended once he caught the look in Ford's eyes.
"Neither have I, and you don't see me complaining," Ford told him.
"Well, growing up, I remember being told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Doesn't it help nerds like you get your brains working faster or something?" Stan asked while standing up from his bed.
"I've been through enough dimensions to disprove that claim with scientific means," Ford said. "Besides, we have plenty of work that we need to-"
"Oh, get the hell out of here with your interdimensional bullcrap," Stan said as he grabbed a hold of his brother's arm and began leading him toward the elevator. "Just get up there and make a damn omelet. We can worry about work after."
Ford sighed reluctantly as Stan pressed the elevator button. "Fine. I suppose we do have the whole day to work on figuring out how to defeat Bill. And it would probably be wise to not risk letting hunger get in the way."
"Now you're talking!" Stan said, patting his brother on the back as the elevator door opened and the two walked inside. "It's not like we've made plans or anything. Catching an early morning meal ain't gonna mess with us, is it?"
"I suppose not," Ford said just as the elevator doors closed.
"Honestly though, Stanley, I haven't made omelets in over thirty years. Not sure it would be the safest idea if I made them."
"No worries. I can do them. Might have some of my hair in it, but…"
"Actually, now that I think about it, I think I'd prefer taking the risk preparing them myself."
"If you say so."
It was at that moment that the vending machine flew open, letting out a small puff of smoke as it always did. The two brothers took a few steps out from the secret room only to they freeze upon suddenly getting showered with handfuls of confetti.
"SURPRISE!"
As the two brothers looked around, they quickly caught sight of the faces of Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Melody, Wendy, Ryland, and Abuelita, all smiling and surrounding them at the vendor. Right in front of them, Abuelita also held out a cake inside a box within her hands with several lit candles in the center. As the confetti that they threw settled, the two smiled but remained somewhat confused about what was happening, considering they had already done all the reuniting the night before.
"What is this?" Ford asked with a light chuckle.
"We celebrating mornings now?" Stan asked while looking on at the cake.
Mabel ran up to them and threw an arm around each of them, pulling them into a tight hug. "It's a welcome home cake for the best Grunkles in the world!"
"They actually didn't have a welcome home cake ready at the bakery so we just had them write on a birthday cake instead," Dipper clarified, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.
"But we also know it was your birthday recently, so I guess it still works out!" Mabel added as she led the two closer to the cake.
The two brothers read the cake and their smiles immediately disappeared once they saw what was written on it.
"'Happy Birthday Spoon and Fork?'" Stan read aloud in confusion.
"Uh, yeah... the Swedish baker may have gotten the names wrong," Soos said with an awkward chuckle as he fiddled his fingers around.
"Alright, I get messing up Ford's name, but in what dimension does Stan sound like Spoon?" Stan asked.
"Actually, you'd be surprised-" Ford began.
"Don't start with me, smartass," Stan cut short.
"Who cares what's on the cake? It's all about the thought that counts, right?" Mabel asked. "Plus, it's chocolate! Who doesn't like chocolate?"
"It's chocolate?" Ryland asked, shocked no one told him this information sooner. "What're we waiting for then? Let's blow out some candles and eat some cake!"
"Make a wish, you two!" Wendy said, holding up a camera and aiming it at the brothers.
Stan and Ford smiled again. They looked at one another before looking back at the candles. Their birthday was just a few days ago, and it was by far one of the worst ones they had ever spent. However, to be properly celebrating it days later surrounded by true family and friends absolutely made up for it.
They took in deep breaths before blowing out the two candles, just as Wendy snapped a picture. Everyone around them burst into light cheers and claps.
"So what'd you two wish for?" Dipper asked.
Stan let out a hearty chuckle as he rubbed the top of Dipper's head, pushing the top of his hat in. "What else is there to ask for?"
"Yeah. We've waited so long for this moment alone," Ford said as he looked around at everyone gratefully. "I'm just thrilled that it's finally here."
"Awwww," Mabel said as he folded her hands together.
"We all are," Dipper nodded with a smile.
"Speaking of waiting for moments... I have an announcement to make!" Soos chimed in with a slightly nervous smile. "It's something that we've been keeping secret for a while now, but I wanted to wait until Dipper, Mabel, and the Stan bros were all here in Gravity Falls so we could tell everyone at once."
"Wait... we?" Dipper repeated, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," Melody said as she happily walked up beside Soos and put an arm around him. "We."
"Melody and I are getting married, dudes!" Soos announced excitedly just as Melody held her hand up to showcase a beautiful, shining diamond ring on her finger.
"WHAT?!" Dipper, Mabel, Wendy, Ryland, and even Stan exclaimed in shock all at once.
"OH MY GODDDDD!" Mabel shrieked with a smile that couldn't possibly get any wider.
"Yep! I proposed last summer, and she said yes!" Soos added, blushing slightly.
"DUDE! That's awesome!" Dipper said happily. "Congratulations! Both of you!"
"Yeah! Congrats, you two!" Wendy said, just as thrilled.
"Congrats!" Ryland said.
"Who woulda thought?" Stan said with slight disbelief, but also a proud smile.
"And because we've had this planned for a while now, we had already planned the ceremony for the end of July," Melody added while turning back to Soos.
"So it's all going down next month, dudes!" Soos revealed.
"A wedding?! NEXT MONTH?! OH MY GOD!" Mabel screamed as she rocked back and forth on the stool at the counter before falling backward onto the floor, much to everyone's surprise.
"Oh boy. Here she goes..." Dipper said while looking on at Mabel in preparation.
"What's her deal?" Stan asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, Mabel and I haven't ever been to a wedding before," Dipper said.
"Hellooo? Waddles and Gompers?" Mabel corrected as she shot right back up from the floor.
"Ehem! A REAL wedding..." Dipper counter-corrected. "Anyways, it's been, like, a lifelong dream of hers to go to one. She even wants to help plan one out at some point."
"Can you blame me?" Mabel asked, picking her stool back up and sitting back down. "As someone who's all about love and bringing people together, this is a moment that's loooong overdue."
"Well, as someone who's been married and dragged into several family weddings as a child, I can say there's nothing to be excited about," Stan said grumpily as he folded his arms.
"Stanley!" Ford exclaimed, nudging him in the arm to prompt him not to be rude.
"Hey, don't act like you don't know it either!" Stan defended as he pointed at Ford. "Weddings are just overblown, uncomfortable family gatherings that you're dragged into just for being related to someone you dislike. You're forced to act happy and excited for the couple and are expected to kiss ass to someone you may not even respect just because it's 'their big day'. Honestly, funerals have always been less depressing in comparison."
He then looked up at Soos and Melody, who both stood somewhat awkwardly amidst his rant.
"No offense, you two," he clarified. "I'm really happy for the both of you. Honest. But those are just my two cents on weddings."
"No, I one-hundred-percent understand, Mr. Pines," Melody said. "I've been dragged into plenty of family weddings myself, and my family isn't really the most pleasant to be around during big events. So I totally get what you mean."
"But we promise you, Mr. Pines- you can put every wedding experience you've ever had behind because Melody and I are gonna get this one r-r-right," Soos assured while throwing an arm around Melody's neck.
Stan stared at him for a brief moment. "Not encouraging. But hopeful."
"Ah, for Pete's sake, Stan. Show some respect, would ya?" Ford said as he walked up to Soos and Melody and shook both of their hands, one by one. "Congratulations to the both of you. Marriage is a very defining moment in the lives of a happy couple, and you two should be very fortunate to find a bond worth sealing for a lifetime in one another."
"Gee, thanks, Mr. Pines Number Two," Soos said gratefully.
"Uh... just call me Ford, son," Ford clarified with a quick pat on his shoulder.
"Heh, okay," Soos said with a thumbs-up. "But seriously, thank you, guys. It's been a struggle holding onto this secret for so long, but I'm happy to finally let you know that I'm bringing Melody into the Ramirez family."
"Aye, Soos. I'm so proud of you for taking such a big step as a man," Abuelita said, putting her hand on Soos' back. "Melody is a wonderful woman, and I couldn't be happier for the both of you."
"Thank you, Abuelita," Soos said as he hugged her.
"Yeah, thank you so much," Melody said as Abuelita walked over to her. "I know you hold Soos close, and I'm happy to have your blessing."
"Of course, querido," Abuelita said with a warm smile as she put her hands among one of hers. "Just know that if you ever leave him like his father did, yo personalmente te asesinaré."
Abuelita then walked away cheerfully and casually, leaving Melody with a stunned expression on her face. Soos then wrapped his arm back around her with a smile.
"Gosh, Abuelita is just the sweetest, isn't she?" Soos asked, completely unaware of the threat Abuelita had made to her.
Melody chuckled nervously. "Yeah... she's certainly something…"
"Man, what a great morning this has been!" Mabel said as she ran up beside her great uncles, who had already begun digging into the chocolate cake. "Spending the morning celebrating the return and birthday of our wonderful Grunkles! Finding out that our best friend Soos is getting married! Chocolate cake!"
"Yes, this has certainly been a very eventful morning," Ford said as he ate a forkful of cake. "And a great celebration at that too! Thank you all for putting this together!"
"Cake's a little dry, but yeah. This has been pretty great," Stan nodded.
"Well, things are only gonna get greater... because the day's just getting started!" Mabel said eagerly as she stood in front of them with a paper in hand. "The pre-party to the real party!"
Stan accepted the paper, which turned out to be a flier for what looked like a party at the Shack. "A party?"
"That's right! I spent all night planning and putting together a big celebration for you two!" Mabel said. "The grand return of Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford! And the whole town's invited!"
"Another party, Mabel?" Dipper asked. "We just had one for Summerween yesterday…"
"Yeah, dude. As much as I like partying, I ain't too sure having another one here at the Shack so soon is such a good idea…" Soos also said hesitantly.
"Also, didn't last night's party get cut short?" Ryland asked as he put his own plate of cake down. "Won't that make people a little unsure about coming back the very next day?"
"To be fair, it's not like anyone in this town has anything better to do with their lives anyway," Wendy said.
"Pretty much!" Mabel agreed. "Besides, this isn't a Summerween party. There are no costumes or anything spooky. It's just a normal party in the floor room! It's nothing too crazy." She walked back up to Stan and Ford and put her hands on their backs. "I just wanted to do something special for Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford now that they're home."
Although grateful, even Ford held a look of uncertainty. "While that indeed sounds very special... is there any chance we could potentially reschedule for some time later in the future?"
"What? Why?" Mabel asked, smile fading.
"Well, it's just that Stan and I already have important business dealing with the whole Bill situation," Ford explained. "And with a party on such short notice, it just feels a little inopportune for us. You know?"
"Oh…" Mabel said, feeling slightly dejected. "I understand. Duh. I should've known how much more important Bill was."
Ford immediately sensed her tone and grew somewhat guilty. "Oh, Mabel, I didn't mean it like-"
"No, it's not that," she cut off. "It's just that I already spent the night printing fliers and passing them out all over town. I even went through about four gallons of Mabel Juice just to stay awake," she said as she held up a glass of Mabel Juice in her hand just to immediately splash it across her face, drenching herself. "But it's no problem. I guess I can just tell off anybody who does show up."
Ford tried to think of a way to respond that was gracious. "Well... I mean…"
"Hold up, Sixer," Stan whispered, putting a hand on Ford's shoulder and grabbing his attention. "We can't make her cancel this thing. She put in a lot of work just for us!"
"Yes, Stan, I know," Ford whispered back with a nod. "But... Bill…"
"Look, I understand the stakes of sharing a mind and body with a psychopathic demon who could take over any second," Stan told him. "But, we've waited so long to see the kids again. Are we seriously gonna blow off a party made just for us to spend time with them?"
"I... I don't even know anymore…" Ford admitted, placing a hand on his face.
"It's just one day, bro. After today, then for however long it takes, we can work on this whole Bill thing. But I'm sure spending one day having a good time isn't gonna do the whole mission much harm."
Ford looked back at Mabel, who was staring at the flier she had made. She then sighed and looked down dejectedly, letting her arm hang out with the paper in hand. Realizing how much effort she had gone through to set something up all in one night, Ford knew he couldn't say no. This was all done out of her own passion and love. And he wasn't gonna force her to let it all go to waste. Especially when it was all done for them.
"On second thought, Mabel…" Ford began as he turned back to her. "...I think a little partying beforehand might help us get into the right mindset to really go up against Bill."
"Really?" Mabel asked as her frown began to transform into a smile again
"Really."
Mabel jumped from her seat over to Ford and hugged him tightly. "Thank you, Grunkle Ford!" She then linked Stan into her hug. "And I promise, Dipper and I won't leave either of your sides tonight!"
"I mean, she never talked any of this out with me…" Dipper said as he walked over to the three while rubbing the back of his head. "...but that's true enough, I guess."
"Well, I'd sure hope so," Stan said, putting an arm around both of their necks. "We ain't killing a day of hard work to be ignored by our own niece and nephew, are we?"
"No!" Dipper assured, shaking his head.
"Of course not!" Mabel added. "Grunkle Stan, we know going to this party is a sacrifice for you two, and so that's why we're going to make sure it's well worth it! We promise you! No distractions! This party is all about you two!"
"Yeah, we're not easily distracted kids like we used to be," Dipper agreed before his eyes looked in Mabel's direction. "Well... like Mabel used to be…"
"You were too distracted!" Mabel argued with a shove to his arm. "Don't act like you never got distracted by your crush on We-"
Knowing where she was going with that statement, Dipper swiftly put his hand over her mouth, cutting her off. "Alright, you've made your point!" he demanded quietly as his eyes glanced to the side where Wendy sat. Luckily, she was preoccupied with an unrelated and irrelevant side conversation she was having with Soos, Melody, and Ryland.
He turned back to Stan who was giving the two a look. Then he cracked a slight smile. "You may not be kids like you used to be, but you two are still just as petty."
Dipper and Mabel cracked guilty-as-charge smiles back at Stan before the three burst out laughing. Ford smiled while looking on at them and even let out a light chuckle. Regardless of how much the twins had changed or stayed the same, Stan and Ford were just happy to be with them again. The reunion to them was already the best birthday gift they could have possibly asked for.
Everything was already just like old times.
The rest of the morning had escalated fairly quickly, with everyone finishing out the rest of the chocolate cake before Stan and Ford returned to the basement for further lab work before the party. The afternoon also wasn't too special either, except for Dipper's slight irritation with the realization that he would be missing a bulk of a Ghost Harassers marathon on the UTBAHC due to the party, which went back to Mabel not mentioning a thing to him or anyone else about the party before her surprise announcement. That fact continued to slightly irk him and make him question the idea of having another party so soon.
But Mabel, of course, still didn't mind. Less than an hour before the party was set to start, she was still preparing herself and getting ready for the occasion. Dipper hung out, writing in his journal as she dabbled around with her makeup in the mirror of their room.
"I still can't believe that Soos and Melody are actually getting married next month!" Mabel said as she did her usual eyeliner. "I remember the day we were trying to find him a date and he scared off every girl he came across. Who would've thought that the love of his life would actually end up being the girl who worked at a mall meat stand?" She thought for a moment. "Actually, in hindsight, who wouldn't have thought that?"
"Yeah, I'm stoked for Soos too," Dipper said while writing in his journal. "The guy deserves to live a happy life with someone who makes him happy. And Melody's great. They're perfect for each other, honestly. I couldn't see it any other way."
"Agreed!" Mabel said, putting on her earrings next. She then smirked. "Heh! And maybe next month, you'll catch the bouquet. You'll be the next one in line, bro-bro!"
"Isn't that a girl thing?" Dipper asked, looking up from his journal.
"Not for Soos it wasn't!" Mabel told him. "He got struck with the luck of catching the bouquet at Waddles and Gompers' wedding! And look where we are now! If it worked for him, it could work for anyone! Including youuu."
"Whatever you say, sis," Dipper said with a light chuckle. He couldn't say he had much faith in the idea that Soos gained his luck from catching a bouquet at a pretend wedding between animals that Mabel put together herself when they were twelve.
"I'm serious, bro!" Mabel pressed, turning her head toward him. "You might think it's silly, but I can totally see you being next in line to get hitched!"
"Uh, right…" Dipper said awkwardly. "And why are we getting into this now?"
"No offense or anything, Dipper, but let's admit it. You've had some major duds in your love life from Wendy to all the girls that rejected you in high school. All of these moments that have pushed you away from the dating game when you could totally find someone for you! Maybe even at this party!"
"Who could I possibly find at this party that I haven't already met?" Dipper asked.
"Uhh... lots of girls?" Mabel asked back. "Have you forgotten that it's been four years since we were last here? Who knows how many new hotties there could be waiting for you? I mean, Ryland wasn't around four years ago, was he?"
"I don't know, Mabel. I've kinda come to terms with the fact that I'm kinda hopeless at romance," Dipper said glumly as he tried to redirect his focus back into his journal, trying to tune out her ideas of romance.
"That's because you don't even try!" Mabel told him as she pushed his journal down, trying to grab his attention again. She then grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up to his feet from his bed. "I mean seriously! Look at you! We're about to have a party with people from all over town, and you're wearing that?"
Dipper looked down at his clothes, which were the same that he always wore- his bomber hat, navy blue hoodie, red shirt, gray jeans, and sneakers. He raised an eyebrow, not seeing an issue. "What's wrong with my clothes?"
"They're the same thing you always wear! It's a party, Dipper! Not another lazy Saturday," Mabel said candidly.
Dipper still failed to see how his current outfit was such a big problem. It was a casual party, rather than the previous night's costume party, and so he didn't believe there was a need to dress up too fancily. But Mabel, being a girl and into fashion as much as she was, of course, aimed to please.
She wore a sparkly purple top with large, transparent sleeves that hung from her arms. In the middle of the front of the top, there was a sparkly, silver disco ball with protruding sparkles that gave off an illusion that it was spinning whenever Mabel turned or whenever you looked at it from a different angle. Combined with the sparkly top, she wore a matching skirt, black leggings, and her best party shoes, which were both made to look nice and to dance in. She also tied some of her hair back into a high ponytail, while also letting some of it hang off the sides of her face.
"If you just switched out of that hoodie you wear every day for once and wore something nice, you'd be surprised how much more attention you'd get," she continued, brushing off the sides of his hoodie with her hands.
A smell suddenly caught her nose, however, and she stopped to process it. She quickly knew exactly what it was and backed up from Dipper, letting out a disgusted groan as she covered up her nose.
"Dipper! Did you not shower at all today?"
"Mabel, I'm a busy man! Showering takes a lot of time out of my day, so I only do it when it's really necessary," Dipper defended.
"Are you insane? Since when has this been a thing?" Mabel asked, genuinely sickened. "First you hardly wash your clothes, now you hardly wash yourself? When was the last time you even showered?"
"It wasn't that long ago!"
"Has it been more than three days?"
Dipper stood silent for a moment. "No comment."
She was too disgusted for proper words, but soon figured it wasn't much use saying any at that point. "You know what, Dipper? I'm just trying to help. Seriously, if you really want to get a girl to like you, all you gotta do is clean yourself up and put on something that doesn't make you look homeless."
She walked over to the door and opened it up, taking a step outside before turning back.
"And be confident!"
She shut the door right behind her as she left the room, leaving Dipper alone. He let out a sigh as he looked around the empty room. He turned to his left and quickly noticed himself in Mabel's mirror. He stood in front of it and scanned his appearance.
Maybe it was because of his lack of self-confidence, but admittedly, he could agree that he didn't believe he looked his most appealing at that moment.
Maybe Mabel's right…
He then glanced over at his dresser and began to stare at it, beginning to think of what steps he could take to up his sense of style.
In the basement, Stan stood in front of the mirror wearing a long-sleeved salmon button-up shirt. He left the top few buttons opened up, exposing some of his top chest hairs and his gold chain necklace. He also wore black slacks and a pair of dress shoes. He was also cleanly shaven now, having actually taken the time to shave off the thick stubble he had been growing since getting stuck in the middle of the ocean.
For the first time in a while, he actually felt like a clean new man.
He straightened out his sleeves around his wrist and then put his hands on his waist, looking at himself. He smiled, even playfully flicking finger-guns at himself admirably.
"Still got it."
Behind him, Ford stood wearing a fancy beige jacket over his red turtleneck. This combo made him appear similar to how he did with his trench coat, but it looked classier and less mysterious. Especially combined with his beige slacks and brown dress shoes. He had also shaved earlier as well, though in a way that wasn't quite as subtle.
He stood by a large tank of water, dumping pebbles from a box of Frooby Frebbles. Inside the tank, Berry sat at the bottom, happily watching as sugary cereal pieces hit the surface of the water. Ford finished dumping pebbles and placed the box to the side.
"Berry's been fed," Ford said before walking over to the mirror beside Stan. He then glanced down at Meridian, which he had also replaced the battery for, and looked at the time. "Judging by the time, the party should be starting already."
"It'll be fine. It's a party thrown for us, ain't it? We'll just be fashionably late," Stan asked as he placed the aftershave away.
"Heh. If that's what you wanna call it," Ford chuckled. "Although, I have to ask, Stan- are you sure you wish to go through with this whole celebration?"
"Go through with the party? Of course," Stan nodded. "I didn't put on slacks for nothing, Sixer. It was a nightmare getting them on, and it'll be another nightmare getting them off. So even if I didn't want to go through with this, I might as well at this point."
"I'm just a bit paranoid about the possibility that Bill might take over and pose a threat," Ford said, glancing to the side a bit anxiously.
"Well, if it's a party, I'm guessing there's gonna be music. Won't the constant dance music beating into my brain stop him from coming out?" Stan asked.
"That is true, although that's another problem in the sense that it would just increase Bill's immunity to the music after a point," Ford explained. "And so that may make that type of music ineffective against him in the future, should we need to use it."
Stan shrugged. "Then I guess that'll be a problem for another day if it happens."
"It doesn't have to be a problem at all though."
"Ford, you really wanna bail out on a party by your great niece a few seconds after the thing even started?" Stan asked, turning to him with a look.
"I don't…" Ford said. "I'm just... a little worried is all. About Bill. About you. About showing up in the town's public eye again for the first time in four years. As I've adapted to normal earth life since returning, I fear my social anxiety has somewhat resurfaced. I used to not care before, but now I'm afraid of what people may think when they see us again."
"Hey, if they didn't give a damn the first time you came back after thirty years, they ain't gonna give a damn after four years," Stan told him as he wrapped a brotherly arm around his neck. "As for Bill, I know you got my back if I start acting funny. You're good at pointing that stuff out. Just stick beside me at all times, keep me away from sharp objects, and make sure I'm never in a position to hurt anyone. You know what they say: have fun, but not too much fun. Got it?"
Ford chuckled as he patted his brother's back a few times. "Got it."
"That's the spirit," Stan nodded before walking over to the side and searching a few of Ford's lab cabinets. "Now, you got any cologne around here? I showered, but I still smell interdimensional octopus on me, and I could really go without that tonight."
"I don't believe I have any usable cologne or products of that sort down here," Ford said as he thought about it. "Never found much use for them."
"Christ, you and Dipper really are alike in more ways than just brains," Stan said as he opened a cabinet, recalling Dipper's hormone-infused stench.
However, despite Ford's claims, he spotted a bunch of cosmetic products within the cabinet he had opened. Including a bottle of cologne.
"Ah, here we go!" Stan exclaimed as he grabbed the cologne bottle and examined it. "What are you talking about, Ford? You got some cologne right here."
"I do?" Ford asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah, you do," Stan nodded, reading the label. "Perfect Man Cologne. Little on the nose, huh? Should probably let you know Ford: just because a company calls themselves perfect, doesn't mean they actually are."
"Perfect Man Cologne? Wait a minute..." Ford repeated to himself, finding slight familiarity with the name. Suddenly, he gasped as he realized what it really was.
"Based on the name, it's probably mediocre at best," Stan said as he continued to examine the name with uncertainty. Then he shrugged and held it up to his neck, ready to spray. "But anything's better than nothing."
"STANLEY, NO!" Ford shouted as he rushed over to him.
Stan found himself caught off guard when Ford suddenly swiped the cologne from his hands. He narrowed his eyes at him. "Alright, fine! You can use it first. Christ…"
"No, it's not what you think, Stanley. Just forget about it," Ford said somewhat frantically while shoving the cologne back into the cabinet.
"What's gotten into you? Why are you acting so… huh?" Stan questioned as he caught a quick glimpse of the rest of the cosmetics in the cabinet.
"Nothing! Don't worry about it!" Ford tried to assure him as he attempted to close the cabinet.
However, Stan put his hand in the way while keeping his eyes focused on the cosmetics inside, much to Ford's dismay. His eyes grew wide as he read the names of the other products.
"What is this?" Stan asked while picking up some of the products. "Objectively Perfect Hair Gel? Perfect Teeth Toothpaste? 'Created by Stanford Pines?!' What the hell is all this stuff, Ford? You weren't planning something crazy with all of this stuff, were you?"
"No! Stan, it's all nothing! I swear!" Ford shouted, face starting to redden a bit. "They're all just... failed college experiments."
"What? You mean you were so desperate for girls in college that you made a bunch of crazy science experiments to get them to fall in love with you?" Stan asked, looking somewhat disgusted.
"What?! No! Not to get them to fall in love with me!" Ford exclaimed. "I'm not an unethical creep! I was simply trying to design products in an attempt to enhance my appeal, that's all. I had no desire to emotionally or affectionately manipulate anyone."
"Man, that's gold!" Stan said with an amused knee slap. "Did any of this stuff actually work?"
"No. Why do you think I called them failed experiments?" Ford said as he looked on at the products disappointedly. "The hair gel worked fine for a week until repeated use gave me a permanent side effect so the only way I could ever cut or shave off any of the hair on my body is by burning it off with fire."
"That explains your shaving habits…" Stan realized. "I always knew you weren't telling the truth when you said you did it like that just because it was faster."
"Well, it is faster. Perhaps a more extraordinary method, but the speed is definitely a plus," he said as he rubbed his face.
"Well, what's wrong with the toothpaste and cologne then?"
"The toothpaste simply gave me irremovable onion breath for a month. That was easily the hardest month of college too," Ford said as he stared forward, remembering the point in time. "And the cologne is my biggest mistake, as instead of simply giving me a pleasing scent, I had somehow designed it to attract anybody and anything that made near physical contact with me."
"That's gonna be a big ol' potentially controversial plot yikes from me," Stan said, somewhat disturbed. "Like, how the hell did you manage to make something like that from cologne?"
"I genuinely don't know. It's been so long. I just remember that it was Valentine's, and I had borrowed a pleasant-smelling ingredient from an odd hippie musician who wore wings and utilized a belt full of similar substances," Ford shrugged as he tried to remember. "But it was an incredibly awkward experience. You can only imagine how uncomfortable it was to have all of your professors infatuated with you yet still not curve your test grades from an A to an A+. Also, mosquitoes were even more of a nuisance than usual."
"Right. You sure know what a real problem is," Stan said sarcastically. "Anyway, why don't you just throw all this stuff out?"
"I've been meaning to dispose of them, but with the type of effects they produce, I've been waiting until I had a proper way to do it so that they don't affect anyone else or the world itself," Ford explained. "Disposing of such a large amount of leftover material could have potentially disastrous consequences. Trees that could no longer be chopped or cut down and could only be burnt. The stench of onions following you no matter where you go. Walking through the woods to suddenly be hugged by a lustful bear. Just to name a few."
"Alright, yeah... I'm no longer comfortable talking about this anymore," Stan admitted, eye twitching slightly.
"Just let me worry about getting rid of them all later," Ford said as she shut the cabinet doors with all the products placed back inside. He began making his way over to the elevator. "C'mon, let's head up."
"So you mean I gotta deal with this octopus stench all night then?" Stan asked with the Snacken's scent clouding his nostrils.
"Honestly, it's hardly even noticeable," Ford said as he pressed the elevator button.
"It is to me."
"Well, it's probably the best you've smelled in years anyway," Ford jabbed just as the elevator arrived. "Now c'mon, let's get moving. Don't wanna be too late now."
The two boarded the elevator and made their way upstairs. They stepped out of the vending machine and into the gift shop, shutting the machine right behind them. Right away, they noticed that the Shack itself seemed pretty empty and quiet as they made their way over to the floor room.
"I wonder just how set up this party is," Stan said as they walked.
"I mean, it was all designed by Mabel. Which I suppose could go a number of different ways," Ford said.
"You think anybody even showed up?"
"She did say she invited the whole town, did she not?"
"Right, but really. Who the hell would want to go to a party to celebrate the return of two random old men after a few years?" Stan asked.
However, at that moment, the two soon found themselves stepping out into the floor room. Immediately upon entrance, the two froze as they caught sight of the dozens of people on the dance floor. The dance music was blaring and thumping as everyone was dancing and having a good time. Even more guests continued to show up and enter through the back doors as well. There was even a snack and drink table already set up, and the lights shined bright purple and pink hues, which illuminated the place.
Everything looked orderly and perfectly put together. The hard, late-night work of a Mabel Juice-induced Mabel Pines was certainly impressive.
"Yo, dudes!" Soos' voice was suddenly heard over a speaker.
Stan and Ford turned their heads over to him in the corner of the floor room, reprising his role as DJ. Melody stood behind him at the booth, managing the equipment beside the wall. Soos looked over at them, having noticed that they entered the room, and pointed them out.
"We got the Stan dawgs in the house!" Soos called out over the mic. "Can we all give them a 'welcome home' shout-out?"
All the partygoers paused their dancing for a moment and turned their heads in the direction of the Stans. They then erupted into a series of applause and cheering for them.
Stan and Ford stood with surprised faces for a moment as they processed what was happening. Eventually, wide smiles formed as they looked on at everybody.
"You know, Ford. If someone had told me thirty years ago that there'd come a day where I'd be cheered on at a party alongside my brother, I wouldn't have ever believed them," Stan said as he kept his eyes fixated on those applauding them.
"Neither would I," Ford admitted. He then turned back to Stan with a warm smile. "I would have been glad to have been proven wrong though." Stan turned to him and smiled back.
"This is a great moment and all, but I think that it could use some epic lightning!" Soos said as he reached a hand for his keyboard.
Soos had a keyboard set up at his DJ Booth and aimed for the rightmost key, which would trigger the lightning sound effect. However, upon hitting it, nothing happened. He continued tapping the key, trying to get the sound to trigger but was unsuccessful. He then began pressing various keys on the keyboard, but none of them played sounds either.
"Hmmph. Looks like the keyboard's batteries are dead," Soos realized as he looked down at it.
"I think we have spares upstairs in the bedroom," Melody said.
"I'll go grab some real fast," Soos said as he stepped out of the stand. "Stay here and make sure that mix stays hype!"
The applause eventually died down and the partygoers resumed dancing and doing their own things again. Stan and Ford took a few steps away from the entrance and tried to make their way around the party.
"There are my favorite Grunkles!" Mabel shouted as she and Waddles made their way over to them. She greeted them both with quick hugs before getting a look at their outfits and shaved faces. "Wowee! You two surely cleaned up!"
"Well, it's our party, ain't it?" Stan said, straightening out his sleeves. "Gotta spiff it up."
"I'll say," Mabel agreed. "Though no matter how spiffy you two try to look, it ain't gonna stop those hairs from graying."
"Aw, c'mon. Why you gotta remind us? Can't you let a pair of old men feel young for a change?" Stan asked.
"Hey, I already threw the party. You're not in the best position to make demands..." Mabel said with a grin.
"Ah, you've really learned to talk back as a teen, haven't you?" Stan asked, somewhat impressed. "I couldn't be prouder."
"I learn from the best," Mabel said, gesturing toward him.
"Damn right you do," Stan said proudly, rubbing the top of Mabel's head lightly, which prompted a chuckle out of her. "But seriously, kid, the party's great."
"Indeed," Ford nodded. "Thank you, Mabel, for putting in such effort and time for old folks like us."
"Awww, it's nothing. You two deserve it all after everything you've been through with Bill and all that stupid stuff," Mabel said. "I'm just happy to have my Grunkles back in my life after all this time. Once Dipper gets here, we'll all be together again."
"Yes, I was actually starting to wonder about him," Ford said, glancing around for him.
"He's probably learning about better hygiene right now. I hope..." Mabel remarked. "But he'll be here. And as promised, the two of us will be here with you alllll night. We'll never leave your side! Ever! Not even for- OH MY GOD, IT'S CANDY AND GRENDA!"
Mabel's attention had suddenly redirected toward one of the entrances, where she spotted none other than her best friends, Candy and Grenda, walking into the floor room. They hadn't noticed her immediately, but Mabel's shouting instantly pulled their attention. Their faces drew wide smiles as they spotted their best friend for the first time in forever years.
"MABEL!" they both shouted as they ran over to her. Mabel ran over to them as well and the two met in the middle, embracing one another tightly and emotionally.
"I can't believe you guys are really here!" Mabel said happily as she hugged them.
"I can't believe that we're really here either!" Grenda's deep voice boomed.
"We missed you so much!" Candy exclaimed.
"I missed you girls too!" Mabel said as she pulled away from the hug and began focusing her attention on their appearances and outfits. "AAAAHH! LOOK AT YOU TWO!"
"AAAAHH! LOOK AT YOUUU!" Grenda shrieked excitedly, gesturing back toward her.
"AAAAHH! WE'RE ALL TEENS!" Candy shrieked as well.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHH!" the three shrieked all at once, holding each other's hands and jumping up and down like they were kids again.
Stan and Ford watched as the girls shrieked and jumped around with one another. Ford felt somewhat weird considering the words that Mabel had just given before the girls' arrival.
"Well, so much for never leaving our side," Ford said a bit dejectedly.
"Ah, lighten up, Poindexter," Stan said, nudging him in the arm slightly. "Those are her best friends. Looks like she hasn't seen them in a long time either. Course, she's excited. Just let 'em be for a few, will ya?"
"You're right. I suppose that sounded a bit possessive, didn't it?" Ford said, taking back his previous statement.
"Just relax. She worked hard on this thing for us. Let her have her space and talk with her friends for a little. It's not like she's completely forgotten about us."
"Yes, yes. Of course. My mistake," Ford nodded. "I do wonder where Dipper is at though."
"Yeah, where is that kid?"
Knock, knock, knock.
Derrick knocked on the door to Dipper and Mabel's room, having just arrived moments ago. He had run into Mabel in the halls before she went to the floor room, to which she uninterestedly redirected him upstairs as to where Dipper was. And so he simply stood at the door, waiting for an answer.
After a brief moment, the door opened and Dipper stood at the door. As soon as Derrick got a look at him, his eyes went wide.
Dipper stood in front of him wearing one of his red T-shirts, except this one looked like it had its sleeves ripped off moments ago, with loose threads hanging out from the base of the shirt. On top of that, his hair was a complete, unorganized mess, and more so than usual. It was shiny and stuck out oddly in some places as if he had just unsuccessfully attempted to gel it.
Derrick scanned him from head to toe, eyes widened in shock as if he didn't know who he was looking at.
"So, uh, do I have to ask?" Derrick questioned as he looked him back in the eye.
(Art by Absolute Rift)
"My sister threw a party for my great uncles' return," Dipper said, rubbing his arm awkwardly.
"Yeah, I know that," Derrick said, holding up one of the copied fliers in hand. "She nailed this to my granddad's front door. And I think she knows that's where I stay because she didn't nail the others on any of our neighbors' doors." He crumbled the flier up and tucked it into his pocket. "So she threw a party, and that's what you're wearing to it?"
"What? It's not that bad, is it?" Dipper asked as he looked down at himself.
Rather than answering that question, Derrick gave Dipper an open-mouthed stare as he raised an eyebrow. He looked as though that was a question that shouldn't even need to have been asked. Dipper caught this look and slouched forward acceptingly.
"Alright, it's really bad."
"Dipper, I don't respect anyone who blatantly rips off their sleeves like that. I thought you were better than that. I thought you were smarter than that."
"Look, Mabel got on me about being unable to get girls, and she said that if I fixed myself up a bit, I'd actually have some hope," Dipper explained as he walked back into his room. "Told me that getting better clothes would help me."
"God, man, you listen to your sister way too much," Derrick groaned. "To an extent, I see what she means. Girls do like guys who clean up, but honestly, you look good enough with your hoodie. You don't need to fix up your appearance to impress girls, and even if you did, ripping off your damn sleeves isn't the way to do it."
"You see? That's basically what I said!" Dipper said as he put his hoodie back on and zipped it up, which covered up his torn sleeves and made him look normal again. He put his hands through his hair and roughed them around, undoing the mess he made with the gel. "I don't need fancy new clothes to impress girls! I don't need hair gel! I don't even need to shower! Nor do I need to-"
"Woah there, cowboy!" Derrick cut off as he processed what he said. "We're talking about clothes here. Where the hell did you get not showering from?"
"You know me, Derrick. I'm a busy guy. Showering takes a lot of time out of my days, so I only do it when it's necessary," Dipper explained to him.
"Dude, you're going to be seventeen in a few months and you don't even take consistent showers?" Derrick asked, eye twitching in slight disgust.
"Well, I mean-"
"Dipper, look at me," Derrick said, gesturing toward his appearance. "I can tell you that as someone who likes to wear the same raggedy hoodie and jeans every day, I still like to keep clean underneath. And I don't even do much with my life. You're basically a monster hunter. With all that time you spend running through these woods, I'd expect you, of all people, to be the one in need of regular showers most."
Derrick had a point. For all the times he had spent going after creatures and dealing with several falls and rolls in the woods, he should probably care enough to bathe more often.
He sighed as he sat down on his bed. "You don't know how demotivating it is when you've built up four long years of awkward, embarrassing rejection with little to no adventuring or some means of escape to the side. I guess with the opportunity to finally have that escape, I just became kinda careless about my hygiene since I'm not aiming to impress anybody."
"Look, man, your clothes aren't going to drive anyone away, but your stench will," Derrick told him bluntly. "You need good hygiene. That's important for any relationship. Not just romantic ones, but your friends and family too."
Dipper sighed guiltily as he began making his way toward the door. "Alright, fine. I'll just shower real quick."
"Nah, forget that. There's no time," Derrick said.
Dipper stopped in place, raising an eyebrow. "Huh? What are you talking about?"
"You gotta take advantage of the open social window, Dip. The party's already going on, and by the time you finish showering, all of the available girls are going to be taken by the cooler guys. So we need to get you out there quick so you can beat them."
"Cooler guys?" Dipper repeated, slightly offended.
"What you need is cologne," Derrick suggested. "Spray some all over yourself and mask your stench with something much more pleasant to the nose."
"Right. Well, where are we gonna get some? I don't have any cologne."
"Maybe we can borrow some from someone else. There's gotta be someone around here who has some."
"Do, do-do, do, do," Soos sang as he walked down the upstairs hallway with a pack of batteries in hand, passing by Dipper's open door. Dipper and Derrick's heads quickly turned to him as he passed by.
"Maybe Soos has some," Dipper suggested before making his way out of his room to catch up to him with Derrick following behind. "Soos!"
Soos stopped walking and turned around toward the two. "Oh, 'sup Dipper! And Dipper's friend!"
"That just about sums up my purpose," Derrick said sarcastically.
"Why aren't you dudes downstairs at the party?" Soos asked.
"I'm, uh, still getting ready," Dipper said. "I was wondering though if you might have any cologne I might be able to borrow?"
"Cologne, eh?" Soos repeated as he thought about it, stroking his chin. "You never seemed much like a cologne guy, Dip Dawg. Is there someone you're trying to impress?" he asked with a grin.
"What? Uh... no!" Dipper denied with a nervous chuckle. "That's not what I need it for. I just, uh, want it to-"
"Dude hasn't taken a shower in God knows how long and he reeks," Derrick spoke out bluntly. "He needs a little freshener."
Dipper stared forward at Soos blankly as he processed Derrick's unsubtle explanation. While he was correct, he felt he could've gone without going into that much detail.
"Oh, well, I don't know if you'd want my cologne. It might not be what you're looking for," Soos said as he dug into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle.
"I'll take what I can get," Dipper said, holding his hand out to accept the bottle. He held it out in his hand and looked down at it. As they read the label, both he and Derrick raised an eyebrow. "Uh... Soos? What's this?"
"Bacon-scented cologne," Soos said with a smile. "Been using it for years. Melody loves this stuff. The fresh scent of crispy, lean meat reminds us of when we met at Meat Cute. Not exactly a good 'freshener', but I still highly recommend it, dude."
Dipper and Derrick stared at him with staggered looks, neither of them sure of how to respond. Dipper then looked down at the cologne again before politely holding it back out to Soos, smiling uncomfortably as he did so.
"Thanks, Soos... but uh... you're right. It's... not what I'm looking for," Dipper told him nicely as Soos took the cologne back.
"All good, dawg! But still, if you ever need to smell like bacon, I got you!" Soos said as he put the cologne back into his pocket. He then turned back around and headed back for the stairs. "I'll see you dudes at the party!"
As he left, Dipper and Derrick continued to just stand quietly as they stared forward, still staggered. After a brief moment of silence, Derrick glanced over at Dipper.
"Well, Dip, if there's anything to take away from that, it's that if someone like him can get a girl, then so can you," Derrick said as he patted him on the back.
Dipper let out a sigh as he facepalmed. "Look, let's just think of another way we can get cologne."
"Hey, what about your great-uncles?" Derrick suggested. "Maybe they got something you can use."
"Asking Stan and Ford for cologne? I don't know, man."
"Come on. What're you worried about? They're old men. They'll understand," Derrick said as he made his way down the stairs.
Dipper followed behind him slowly, both of them making their way from the stairs over into the gift shop. "I just don't know if Stan and Ford are really the types to hold onto stuff like that. Stan might... but-"
"You said that Ford's the smart one with all the lab stuff, right?" Derrick asked, recalling the things Dipper used to mention about his great-uncles to him. He then took a step right in front of the vending machine and examined it. "If so, maybe the guy makes his own cologne or something."
"Well, if he does, he totally doesn't use it then. Been around him enough times to know," Dipper said as he stood behind Derrick. "Unless his cologne is the subtle scent of burning smoke."
"He smokes?"
"No, but he sets his face on fire."
"Ooookay then... well, that's still a step up from bacon cologne, albeit, a small one."
Derrick looked at the corner between the vending machine and the wall. After seeing Stan and Ford depart into the basement the previous night, he knew all about the hidden door. Now he needed to figure out how to get to it.
"So how do we get back there?" he asked.
Without saying a word, Dipper stepped up to the machine and held his fingers up to the buttons. He typed in 'A-1-B-C-3' before pressing the enter button. He stepped back a few inches, pulling Derrick aside with him before the vending machine suddenly popped out and opened, revealing the doorway into the lab. Derrick stared at the open door in awe.
"Still the vending machine expert, I see," Derrick said as he nudged Dipper in the arm with his elbow before walking up to the doorway, stepping inside, and heading downstairs. "God, this is awesome."
"Yeah, let's just quickly go down and ask them, then come back up," Dipper said as he followed behind him, putting his hand on the side of the machine to close the doorway up again as he entered.
The two took the elevator to the bottom level of the shaft, reaching the laboratory. The doors opened, and Derrick held a look of genuine amazement as he looked around at all the machines. The two took a few steps inside, simply examining the place.
Derrick was genuinely astonished, leaning a hand over toward a machine. "Wow… Your great-uncle has a lot of time on his hands."
"Don't touch anything," Dipper told him strictly, pulling his arm back and stopping him. He then turned back and looked straight down the hall of machinery. "Grunkle Stan? Great Uncle Ford? It's me, Dipper!" He walked forward a little bit more and glanced around some more, but found nobody. "Anyone here?"
"Huh. Maybe they're up at the party already," Derrick said as he looked around.
"Probably. I don't think anybody's here." Dipper felt a small pit in his stomach grow. "And I don't feel so good about being here without them. We should probably get out of here."
"Dude, seriously?" Derrick questioned, narrowing his eyes. "We're hanging in your great-uncle's lab, not leaving class without permission."
"Well, we're in my great-uncle's lab without permission," Dipper told him. "C'mon, let's just go. Screw the cologne."
"It'll be quick," Derrick said as he began searching cabinets.
Dipper's eyes bulged as he ran over to him. "What are you doing?! I said not to touch anything!"
"Would you chill out?" Derrick said while he continued to open cabinets. "I'm just looking around."
"Opening cabinets is not just looking around! It's opening cabinets!" Dipper argued, hands placed over his head in distress.
Derrick dismissed his concerned shouting and kept opening cabinets. Suddenly, he opened a set of cabinets, and the contents inside caught his eye. "Ahah! Here we go!" He stuck his hand inside and grabbed a bottle. "Perfect Man Cologne. Well, that's a little on the nose, don't ya think?"
"We shouldn't be touching this stuff without Ford knowing…" Dipper said, looking back at the elevator with the paranoia of Ford showing up. "It could be dangerous."
"It's cologne, Dipper. Come on, the worst it could possibly do is make you smell even worse," Derrick tried to reaffirm him as he looked back inside the cabinet. "Look, your great-uncle even has hair gels and toothpaste in here. This is probably his hygiene cabinet or something."
"I still don't know. From my experience, it seems like most things that belong to him are experiments that have some sort of abnormality to them," Dipper said, rubbing the back of his neck reluctantly. "He has a body-switching carpet, man."
"Tag looks pretty normal to me," Derrick said as he quickly examined it, not paying too much attention to the fine details and words. "I'm not familiar with the brand Perfect Man, but at worst, it's probably some cheap off-brand that he bought just cause he took the name too seriously. I mean, he's like what, eighty?" He held the bottle out to Dipper. "Still, just try it, man."
Dipper hesitated for a moment, but then held his hand out and accepted the cologne. He examined it for a moment before pulling the cap off and giving it a sample smell, wanting to know what kind of scent he'd exactly be spraying on himself were he to use it.
The scent was somewhat odd to describe, honestly. The number one thing he could point out was this sparkly sensation he felt in his nose upon smelling it. He didn't know exactly what to make of the feeling, but once he got to the actual scent, it was very fresh. Like a soft breeze at the ocean, except you weren't at the ocean during summer, but during the winter. A cool kind of air, but the air was sparkling. Like something was on fire and you could feel the embers of the flame. A very odd mix of opposing descriptions, but that's how it smelt and felt.
Odd, yet a pleasing odd. Which was fitting for someone like Ford to own.
"How's it smell?" Derrick asked.
"Kinda weird, but I like it," Dipper said with a light smile.
"Spray some on then," Derrick told him.
Dipper stared at it for a moment, still slightly hesitant. He questioned once more whether he really needed the cologne. Was he truly looking to impress anyone tonight? Not really, as the idea of dating has taken a toll on him since his attempt at asking Madison Calias on the last day of school ended uneventfully. He's been burnt by girls so many times throughout high school that it essentially burnt him out on the overall idea of romance. It was gonna need to take someone really special to get him in his feelings again, and he didn't think a bit of cologne was gonna attract that person.
Nonetheless, there was still a party going on. And if Mabel and Derrick were telling him that he reeks, he probably reeks. The very least he could do is cover it up with something that smells decent before he has time to properly shower later. Even if he's not in the mingling mood, he should still be approachable.
He placed his finger on the dispenser and aimed it at himself. He pressed down and let out light sprays among his body. He sprayed a few times on his torso, his arms, his neck, his legs, his armpits... he sprayed all over himself multiple times. He never used cologne himself before, so he wasn't quite sure when enough was enough. So, he kept going throughout his body until he got a relatively strong smell.
But Derrick was quick to realize when he was spraying too much.
"Alright, man. I think that's enough," he said as he took a few steps toward him, holding out his hand slightly. Dipper kept pressing down on the dispenser and spraying though. "Dude, enough! That's too much!" He reached forward and got close enough to snag the cologne bottle from him. "Enough, man. Geez, have you ever used this stuff before?"
"No, I just thought I would really need to cover up the smell," Dipper said.
"Well, trust me, man. A few sprays would've been…"
Derrick cut himself off as he began to smell the cologne as it clouded around Dipper. He froze as he processed his smell, to which there was a sudden pink flash of sparkles within his eyes. Then, after a moment, he unfroze and began to gaze at Dipper.
"...enough..." he finished, his eyes completely locked in on Dipper's.
"Oh, well, sorry," Dipper apologized. "The smell isn't too strong now, is it?"
Derrick continued to gaze at Dipper, his pupils growing larger. "No, man. You smell... great."
"Really?" Dipper asked with a smile, his eyes showing hope. "Alright! Sweet!" He held the cologne back out to Derrick. "Just put this back where you found it, and let's get out of here before anyone finds us!"
Derrick promptly accepted the cologne, while still fixating a gaze on Dipper, which he failed to notice as he quickly turned around and walked back toward the elevator.
"Anything for you, man!" Derrick called back with flirtatious intention, yet in a casual enough tone for Dipper to process it as nothing more than normal banter from him.
Too distracted by Dipper, however, Derrick paid little mind to the cologne and carelessly placed it on the counter below the open cabinet before catching up with him. The elevator was open and he stood right beside him, though a little closer than he normally did. Not a difference Dipper was able to catch at that moment though.
"Gonna be honest, I do feel better about this whole party thing now," Dipper admitted as he turned to his friend. "I feel a bit more confident."
"That's great, man! I'm glad you're feeling that way!" Derrick said as he patted Dipper on the back.
"Thanks? Gee, you're pretty positive all of the sudden," Dipper said with an odd chuckle, caught off guard slightly by Derrick's behavior.
"Well, I mean, you've been my best friend for these past few years, and you've always been so doubtful and afraid," Derrick said as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Just nice to see you finally have some self-confidence. Makes you look more admirable."
"Wow, that means a lot, man," Dipper said with a smile. "Though I owe it to you. The whole cologne idea was yours, and I wouldn't be like this right now if we hadn't gone with it."
"Please, this is beyond the cologne at this point," Derrick said, face reddening slightly.
"Whatever you say, bro," Dipper shrugged, still oblivious to Derrick's flirtatious mannerisms. He finally pressed the elevator button. "Now let's get our party on!" He processed that statement for a second. "That sounded lame, didn't it?"
"Please. Nothing you say is lame," Derrick said as the elevator doors began to close.
"Ha-ha. Very funny," Dipper said sarcastically, processing his words as nothing more than another casual jab at him just as the elevator doors shut.