July 27, 2012
Dear Bucky,
We're having a girl. They can already tell – they have this machine now that can show you what your baby looks like before it's even born. No surprises. It was incredible to see it...her...moving around. Everything in place, little hands, little feet. I could see her face. I wish you could have been here.
Being pregnant is...strange. It's like you suddenly join a secret club, and total strangers want to talk to you about it. "When are you due?" "What are you having?" "Do you have any weird cravings?" "When I was pregnant, etc., etc."
I've seen it all happen from the outside, of course – with your mother's friends, or other women in the building. I just never expected it to happen to me. I was so sick all the time, before. Having a baby would probably have killed me. Now, I'm almost guilty when I have to tell people how easy it's been. Other women like to tell me how terrible their pregnancies were, how they couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and had shooting pains through their back. I just sort of nod and change the subject. The benefits of being a super-soldier, I guess. The most that's happened to me is that I can't stand the smell of ketchup and my feet swell up at the end of the day.
Oh, and people follow me and take pictures. Yes, I'm the toast of the gossip columns these days! Can you believe it? The first time I saw my own picture at the newsstand with a headline about my "baby bump" I bought a copy to show to Pepper. It was just so ludicrous. Everyone has their guesses about who the father is, of course.
I haven't told anyone. I'm not ashamed. What we had was special. I won't make it cheap.
There's so much more...stuff...for parents now. That's different. My dad used to joke that he and mom kept me in a dresser drawer for the first couple of weeks. Tony Stark was seriously considering getting a me a crib that would track our baby's heartbeat and send updates to my phone. Bottle warmers, musical toys, baby carriers - even the suite won't be big enough to hold everything if he keeps going.
I've thought about getting our baby baptized. After all those Sundays at church with your mother, I thought maybe you would have wanted her to be raised Catholic, like you. But the priest said if I wasn't planning to convert myself I should baptize her in my own church. By the way, Catholic churches have changed a lot- no more Latin! I still like to go and sit in, though. Assumption smells exactly the same – incense and wood polish. It must have seeped into the walls.
Dr. Rao goes over everything with the obstetrician, but so far the word is "normal". Everything looks "normal". The baby is developing "normally". Which doesn't stop me from worrying.
I can feel our daughter moving. She'll be here in three months. I hope I'm strong enough for her.