February 5, 2013

Dear Bucky,

Peggy's alive.

I asked for the files on the old team months ago, so I could find out what happened to them once I was...you know. Gone. I couldn't find the courage to read them for months.

Dugan and Jones stayed with SHIELD. Morita became a doctor like he planned. Dernier went back to his wife and kids. He had 26 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren before he died. Falsworth did something hush-hush for the Brits – with Stefan, the kid from Weapon X, if you can believe it.

I'd hoped Stefan was alive, at least, but he died in 1996. Heart attack. Maybe some of the other Weapon X kids are still around, but I don't want to find them. I hope they've forgotten what happened to them. I don't want to turn up like a ghost, dragging up all those terrible memories.

Howard got married - surprise, surprise - and had a son who's him times ten. Tony. He's a great guy, but who am I kidding? You'd hate him.

Howard is dead, too. And his wife. Car accident in 1991.

But Peggy…

I went to see her. I waited until last week. First, I told myself that me being pregnant would confuse her. Then, that Maggie was too young to travel, I was too busy.

I was afraid.

She forgets, Buck.

Every time she sees me, it's like the first time. When she sees Maggie, she cries. She knows immediately, of course, who the father is. She's so happy, so relieved.

Then, I go to get a drink of water and she's forgotten again.

She worked so hard. She went back to New York after the war. She helped make SHIELD what it is, even though they just wanted her to answer phones and make coffee. I should have been there with her, fighting beside her. It would have been easier for her. She wouldn't have been the only one.

But now, she's done the heavy lifting, and all I can do is keep going back to visit, again and again, no matter how much I hate it. The truth is, I'd rather remember her the way she was. Young, fierce, sharp. Unstoppable. I'd rather not remember her like this. But this is her, too.

Oh, she got married. No surprise there. Nice guy – fellow SHIELD agent. No children, but a niece. Maybe that's easier. Being around Howard's son all the time is strange enough.

The nurses say she's better after I visit. That she's more...herself. If this is all I can do for her; I'll do it. Because she deserves it all. And, of course, every visit might be goodbye. Then the team will all be together again. Except for me.

Hello, beautiful readers! You may remember Stefan from my previous work - The Sword for Its Sharpness - where he was a traumatized mutant kid who'd been experimented on by a Nazi scientist. If I ever have time I'll write a spin-off where he and Falsworth engage in Cold War skulduggery, like some kind of espionage-focused Batman and Robin. Or, you know, if you want to write that story - go for it!

"Hey, wait," you may be saying. "What about Erik? You know, Magneto? What happened to him?" You will find out, dear reader. You will find out, I promise.