Ford approached the front door of the gift shop and placed his hand on the doorknob. He took a deep breath. "Alright, here goes nothing."
"Wait, Ford!" Soos halted, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe I should be the one to greet her. I am the owner after all."
Ford considered the idea in his head briefly, feeling somewhat hesitant about Soos taking lead. Nonetheless, part of him was feeling flexible enough to give him a shot. "Fair enough. But remember - act completely normal. Don't make her suspicious of anything weird going on around here."
"You can count on me, dawg," Soos assured him, fixing his tie readily. "I got this in the bag. Just you watch."
With his word, Ford gladly stepped aside and allowed Soos to step up to the door. With the quick adjustment of his fez and eye patch, he put his hand forward and opened the door. Immediately, he was met by the agent standing right in front of him, holding her electronic tablet in hand.
"Greetings. My name is-"
"Welcome to the Mystery Shack!" Soos immediately cut off, much to her surprise. "I'm Mr. Mystery! Are you interested in a tour of our museum of weird creatures? Or maybe you want to try one of our new signature eyeball juice smoothies, which by the way, are made from real eyeball juice?"
The agent stared at him silently with a mixed look of confusion and disturbance read right across her face.
"Haha! Just kidding!" Soos playfully cleared up with a hearty chuckle. That was until his eyes suddenly went serious as he gave her a cold, dead stare. "Or am I?"
From behind, Ford immediately felt regret in his decision to appoint Soos to lead. Everyone else inside looked on with great concern about him blowing their cover. As such, Melody quickly stepped up and casually pulled him to the side out of the agent's view.
"Okay, sweetie, you're not helping," she told him candidly but tenderly before turning to Ford. "You should probably take this one."
"Already on it," Ford nodded as he walked up to the door in Soos' place. He cleared his throat. "Greetings, miss! Don't mind my friend here. He's quite an imaginative fellow. Anyways, what could we help you with?"
"Uh, yes, good afternoon. I'm Agent Fraid," she greeted, taking out a U.S. government badge from the inside of her jacket and showing it to him. "I'm with the U.S. government as part of our Anomaly Investigation Unit. I was sent here to Gravity Falls to investigate potential anomalies based on recent satellite data, as well as an influx of reports detailing apparent sightings of abnormal or mythical creatures over the past few years."
"Mythical creatures, eh? Interesting…" Ford said with an oblivious rub of his chin. "Though, what brings you specifically to the Mystery Shack regarding such reports?"
"Well, first of all, let me point out that there's this sign right next to the door that says 'The Mystery Shack: Home to Gravity Falls' Strangest Creatures' and 'Weirdness Galore!'"
Ford glanced to the side to see an actual sign displaying exactly what she said. "Ah, yes. Advertising, am I right?"
"Well, besides that, the main cause for my visit today has to be these recent radiation spikes caught by our satellites just a week ago."
As she mentioned that, she turned her tablet screen to him, which displayed an overhead map of Oregon with an intense number of markings visible over where Gravity Falls was.
"As seen from our maps, these spikes seem focused right above the town. But zooming in, you can see the main spike spread seems to have occurred right above your property here," she explained. "There have been some power fluctuations in neighboring cities as a result of the spread."
"Well, Agent Fraid, with what sounds like such an apparent accusation, I feel it's only appropriate to mention that we and the rest of Gravity Falls have been investigated previously for similar reports only for it all to have been a mix-up on your end," Ford mentioned.
"Well, you're correct, Mister…?"
"Pines. Stanford Pines."
"Well, Mr. Pines, as reported by my colleagues Agent Trigger and Agent Powers back in 2012, you'd be correct in that there was an investigation done here regarding anomalous activity related to power surges, but the reasoning as recorded here seems to be linked to an unreported meteor shower," she told him as she read from her tablet.
"Ah, yes. That sounds familiar. Must be it," Ford nodded, recalling the excuse he came up with to throw the agents off the last time.
"Yes, well, to be quite frank, Mr. Pines, I find this reasoning quite flawed, even for idiots like Trigger and Powers," she went on, looking up at him sternly. "Considering Gravity Falls has been on our map for a while before 2012 and the fact I'm standing here in front of you now… well, I can only say I have my doubts lightning would strike the same place twice. Or in this case… another unreported meteor shower…"
She stared him down with stern eyes, almost like she was challenging him to respond. Her untouched skepticism actually unnerved him to the point where coming up with a response felt truly difficult.
"Well, statistically speaking, you'd be surprised how many meteor showers occur per year," he nervously replied. "And some are even recurring. So… it's not totally impossible."
"Whatever the case may be, I still have an investigation to perform. So, if you'll excuse me, I'll just be continuing my business here," she said as she moved forward to walk inside, tapping away on her tablet at the same time.
"Wait!" Ford said, quickly stopping her from entering. "Look, I understand the skepticism. Believe me, I do. I used to be the former owner of this property several years ago. I came here to Gravity Falls because I heard of the supposed paranormal nature of the town. But through all my years living here, I can confidently assure you that there really isn't anything odd or strange to be found. All the mythical creature talk you hear of- they're all just urban legends. I understand you have the reports and satellite data that say otherwise, but I don't think there's anything you could find here that's worth investigating."
"Well, allow me to be the judge of that then," she said, brushing right past him and entering the gift shop.
She scanned the place with her eyes, looking back and forth between everybody else who stood around as she stepped inside.
"So you claimed that you were the former property owner?" she asked, turning back to Ford. "Who is the current owner then?"
"That'd be me, dude!" Soos spoke up, stepping forward again. "Soos Ramirez, aka Mr. Mystery."
Agent Fraid turned to him and raised an eyebrow. "You're the property owner?"
"Yes, ma'am. I hold the deed to the place," Soos nodded. "Well, I'm not literally holding it right now, ya know. I have to keep it stored in a safe upstairs because I lost it last month and that led to this whole scare about whether we were going to lose this place and all, but then it turned out it was just under the sofa chair cushion and-"
"I, uh, think she gets it, hun," Melody politely cut off. She then put her hand out to the agent. "Hi, I'm Melody Flores, his fiancée. I manage the Mystery Shack's finances."
"His fiancée, huh?" Fraid repeated while not even acknowledging her hand. "You mean you can actually tolerate such fatuousness?"
"Woah!" Melody said, retracting her friendly hand and taking a more defensive stance instead. "Now you just wait, lady. You can't talk about him like that in front of me and not expect pushback."
"It's okay, Melody," Soos said. "Being called fat hasn't bothered me in ages."
Fraid smirked at Melody with amusement. "My point stands."
Melody scowled at her as she clenched her own hands into fists. Anger was not a feeling she frequently gave into but going after Soos the way Fraid did was not a way to get on her good side. Even despite her look, Fraid stood her ground and stared back at her daringly as tensions grew.
Soos recognized this and tried to put a calming hand on Melody's shoulder to bring her back. When that didn't seem to work, Stan took notice as well and stepped up between the two.
"Hey-hey!" he butted in. "Ease it with the tension, huh? What is this? Reality TV?" He thought for a moment. "Actually, that does sound kind of appealing right now. If not just to see rich kids beating each other up. Shows that even when you have money, you can still have a crappy life."
Fraid silently stared at him for a good moment. "And who are you?"
"Stanley Pines is the name. I'm Ford's dumber, yet more attractive brother," he greeted. "And I absolutely don't have an extensive criminal record."
"Haha…" Ford nervously chuckled, patting his brother on the back very hard. "Quite the comedian he is…"
"So, what? Are you an employee?" she asked.
"God no," Stan shook his head. "Though I used to own this joint myself."
She raised an eyebrow. "Wait, you also owned this place?"
"Of course! I was the original Mr. Mystery, as you can see from my horrifying statue over there," he said, gesturing to the statue over his shoulder. "I taught Soos here everything he knows. Guess you could consider me a successfully retired businessman."
"Well, it certainly seems as though ownership of the Shack here has been passed around like an award," Fraid claimed skeptically, tapping on her tablet.
"Well, when all you need to own a place here in town is a physical deed, it's not that hard," Soos said.
"Yes, which is quite an odd law for such a normal town, don't you think?" Fraid asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.
Soos caught her suspicions and grew instantly anxious. "Uh, well, if you're looking for a normal employee, we have Ryland!" he said, gesturing over to him behind the counter. "Did I mention he's normal?"
"Way to be subtle, Soos," Stan sarcastically whispered over to him.
Fraid walked over to the counter while typing on her tablet. "So, Ryland? You enjoy working at… this place?"
"Of course. I love working here!" Ryland nodded positively.
"Oh, is that so?" Fraid asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
Ryland took notice of her suspicions quickly. "I mean, uh, no. I hate it," he course-corrected with a clear change in tone. "Minimum wage job; only here for employee benefits. I'm also failing school, and my parents hate me. Ya know… normal angsty teen stuff."
To his surprise, Fraid's expression softened up slightly. "Ah, I've been there too, kid. Don't worry. It'll get better." She paused. "Well, maybe it will. Just learn how to use your soullessness against others."
"Uh… I'll try," he said with an awkward smile.
Fraid turned to the side of the counter where Mabel stood, analyzing her cheery outlook. "And your name is…?"
"Mabel Pines! Queen of charm, master of smiles, and aspiring fashion artist!" she introduced before sassily fluffing her hair with her hand.
Fraid raised an eyebrow as she looked on at her. "Um… I'm sorry, but is that a half-eaten piece of hash brown in your hair?"
Mabel stopped fluffing her hair and looked into it. Just as noticed, there was indeed a half-eaten piece of hash brown caught within the curls of her neck-length hair.
"Oh, yeah! I was saving this bad boy for later since I didn't finish it for breakfast earlier," she said as she picked the piece out with her fingers.
As she held the hash brown out in her hands, Agent Fraid stared at her with great revulsion. Not Mabel nor Ryland or Soos seemed to react oddly. But looking behind Fraid, Mabel saw Stan making the "cut-it-out" gesture with his hand at his throat while Ford was waving his hands, both of them signaling her to stop.
"I meant, uh… Ewww… how did that get there?" she said dryly before nonchalantly dropping the piece of hash brown in a trash bin right beside her.
Fraid continued to stare at her for a moment. "Right… well then."
She turned back to Stan and Ford, to which Mabel dove straight into the trash bin right after, digging through the bottom of it for the hash brown with the effort of her entire upper body.
"So, according to my notes, this place is documented as the town's most popular place for showcasing weirdness," Fraid read from her tablet. "But documentation tells me that wasn't the initial intention when this house was built."
"Yes, well, long ago, I actually had this house built as a home for me to reside and conduct my various studies on the town and its supposed weirdness," Ford explained. "That was always the initial intention. Things only changed when my wonderful brother here came along and decided to turn this place into a sort of tourist stop using my studies as attractions."
"Heh! To be fair, that was after his studies turned out to be a complete failure," Stan defended.
"They weren't a complete failure," Ford sourly said under his breath.
"So what about the attractions? Where do you keep them?" Fraid asked.
Stan gestured toward Soos. "Mr. Mystery?"
"Right this way," Soos nodded.
He began walking toward the museum, to which Agent Fraid followed right behind him. Stan and Ford trailed along, following through the museum curtains and leaving the kids and Melody to their own in the gift shop.
Ryland glanced down back behind the counter. On the floor, Evan sat hidden with his laptop in use.
"Yo, Evan? Why are you hiding down there?" he asked.
"Yeah, you didn't get to introduce yourself," Mabel said, looking down at him from over the counter.
"Show MY face to a federal agent? Are you insane?" Evan whispered. "My personal computer is stacked with confidential info I've managed to snag from top-secret databases. Even if I did it all secretly, I can't just casually show my face to an agent and get profiled like you guys."
"Dude, just say you suck at talking to people. It gets to the point faster," Ryland teased.
"I'm being serious!" Evan affirmed.
There was a silent pause as Ryland folded his arms at him, still not totally convinced.
Evan sighed. "Okay, fine. It's partly because of that too…"
"And over there in that corner, we have the Six-pack O' Lope," Soos pointed the attraction out as he guided Agent Fraid through the museum. "Oh! And right beside it, we have one of our newest creatures- the Many-Arm-adillo."
Next to the objectively horrifying model of a buff bare-chested male torso with jackalope body parts stitched on, there was a potentially more horrifying model of a standing armadillo with multiple human arms glued onto it. It was in no way a pleasing sight for anyone to look at.
"That name just about decimates the rules of grammar," Ford said disappointedly with a facepalm.
Fraid examined each museum creature closely. "These creatures are very much not alive."
"Gee, how'd you figure that one out?" Stan remarked.
Ford elbowed him in the shoulder for his tone. "Well, of course they're not alive. This is just a museum after all."
"I understand that but you said these attractions were put together from your studies, correct?" she brought up. "So surely that means these creatures must be lifelike models of the real things you studied many years ago?"
"What? No!" Ford quickly shook his head. "I meant they were literally put together from my studies. Stan took most of my old scientific models, butchered them, and turned them into knickknacks and museum displays several years ago to make quick bucks off the local townsfolk."
"Wait, what?" Fraid said upon this revelation.
"Well, when you put it that way, it makes me look like an asshole," Stan said somewhat guiltily. "Which I am, don't get me wrong, but you didn't need to put it out there like that."
"So, wait a second… you mean you designed all of these yourselves? Not a single one of these creatures genuinely exists or has existed?" Fraid asked.
"Of course it's all fake! I mean, look at this- The Sascrotch?" Soos pointed out. "Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?"
"Yeah, I wonder who…" Stan said as he paid Soos a glare.
"Heh. Someone really brilliant, I'm sure," Soos awkwardly pivoted as he tapped his fingers together.
"So, if this is all fake, this place is nothing more than a cheap tourist trap then," Fraid deduced.
For a brief moment, everyone just silently exchanged glances with one another.
"Yeah, pretty much," Soos nodded.
"That's exactly what it is," Ford said.
"No idea why we didn't just come out and say that right off the get," Stan said with a shrug.
Fraid sighed with great annoyance. "Well, I just wasted my time. I have no clue why my higher-ups enlisted this as my priority stop. I'll just continue my investigation elsewhere."
She tucked her tablet under her arm before making her way out of the museum back into the gift shop. While Ford knew they had managed to throw her off as far as the Shack was concerned, the fact she was continuing her search through the rest of the town meant it wasn't over yet. To let her go now would be putting too much trust in the idea she wouldn't coincidentally stumble into an actual anomaly or something else that piqued her interest enough to call for reinforcements. They needed to prove innocence for as much of the town as they could.
"Wait, Agent Fraid!" Ford called out as he ran back out into the gift shop, grabbing her attention again. "Since you seem quite adamant about cracking into the legitimacy of Gravity Falls mythos, I should further warn you: as someone who has studied this town front and back, you're not likely to find anything worth your time here. All the anomalies I've spent years tracking down really aren't nothing more than urban myths."
"Well, Mr. Pines, if that's true, then as I said previously, that'll be up to me to find out myself, as my job is investigating the anomalies firsthand rather than taking the word of any old local resident," she told him bluntly.
"He's right though!" Mabel chimed in. "This place is so BORRRRING!"
"Yeah, there really isn't anything weird attached to this town," Soos agreed.
"Agent Fraid, please," Ford urged.
Fraid's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Why are you so insistent on turning me away from my mission? I find that more questionable than any so-called attractions hoarded up in this place."
"Because I spent far too long hunting down something that wasn't there and don't want you to waste your time doing the same," Ford explained. "Look, I understand that this is your assignment. But if you'll maybe allow us to at least help prove to you that this town doesn't have the depth you suspect, perhaps that'll lead you to your results much faster than a solo search."
"Yeah! We can take you around town ourselves!" Ryland nodded, hopping over the front counter. "It'll be like a Mystery Tour, but without the mystery part!"
Fraid looked at him curiously. "So… just a tour?"
"I said what I said."
She stood there visibly considering it as she quietly hmm'd for a brief moment. "If your studies are legible, then I suppose you can provide some assistance. But how do I know I can trust you people though?"
"Lady, we literally just outed ourselves to you as a bunch of con artists running a tourist trap," Stan reminded her. "Where else do you find such honesty? Surely not from your people."
"Fair point," she admitted. "Well, if you're right about this town, I suppose you all could be doing me a huge favor."
"Trust me, ma'am. I've studied the ins and outs of Gravity Falls to the fullest extent. There is nothing weird about this town, and my family and friends here can attest to that," Ford assured before making his way toward the door. "Follow us and we shall show you just how normal Gravity Falls truly is."
Ford led her outside through the gift shop exit with Stan following behind them. Everyone else watched as they left, with Evan popping his head out from behind the counter to see if the coast was clear.
"So we're really giving this agent a tour of the whole town?" Soos asked.
"I think you and Melody should stay put here with Evan," Mabel suggested. "Ryland and I will tag along with Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford to make sure we keep the agent's suspicions down."
"Are you guys sure about this? We can still help out if need be," Melody offered.
"Honestly, it would probably be a bit less suspicious if fewer of us went," Ryland said.
"It's not like she wasn't already suspicious," Evan mentioned as he used his laptop. "As I expected, she's already gone and profiled each and every single one of you with her tablet."
"What?!" everybody else exclaimed in simultaneous confusion.
"Take a look for yourselves," Evan said as he placed his laptop on the counter and turned it for everyone to see. "I've already gone ahead and found a link to her tablet using my personal VPN. As usual, pretty amateur network security for someone involved with the government."
Displayed right on his computer screen were minimized individual profiles for each of them. They had their names, occupations, and relations, as well as images of all of them attached to the profiles.
Mabel's eyes widened as she looked at her picture. "Now wait just a second… That's my salmon sparkle blouse! I haven't worn it at all this summer before today! She just took that picture!"
Ryland wore the signature question mark tee every day for work, so he couldn't make the same assessment based on outfit alone. However, as he looked at his picture, he was able to confirm just as well that it was recent as well.
"You're right! She just took that picture of me as well! I can tell just from the hair!" He shuddered. "Oh god… it's awful..."
"But dude, your hair doesn't look any different today than it always does," Soos mentioned.
"DON'T YOU SAY THAT, MAN!" Ryland snapped as he suddenly grabbed ahold of Soos' collar. "I broke my hairbrush this morning, so I had to use a comb instead. I know the difference!"
"Wait, how do you break a brush?" Melody asked curiously.
"My life is complicated in ways you don't understand," he said.
"It really isn't," Evan refuted, shaking his head.
"Okay, look, as much as I'd love to talk about Ryland's gorgeous hair, we need to focus here!" Mabel said. "How did she get those pictures? It didn't even look like she was taking any of us!"
"Yeah! Also, man, that is not my best angle," Melody cringed as she looked at her picture.
"I told you. She's analyzing every detail in this town. With this link, I can monitor her activity, but I won't be able to manipulate any of it or else it can be traced back to me," Evan explained. He then reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a set of tiny earpieces, handing them out to Mabel and Ryland. "Here, take these. I've already gone ahead and linked them to the same channel. I'll be able to keep you both updated on whatever info she adds to her logs."
"Oooh! Fancy spy gadgetry!" Mabel said as she excitedly accepted her earpiece.
"Dang, bro. You don't come unprepared, do you?" Ryland asked, impressed as he accepted his own earpiece.
Evan smirked. "No, no I don't. Anyway, whatever happens, you two are going to need to make sure you hold Agent Fraid's attention away from any anomalies you might spot on or near your path."
"Well, that shouldn't be too hard, right? I feel like it's difficult enough just finding any weirdness," Ryland said.
"Yeah! It's not like Gravity Falls weirdness is usually just hanging out in the open for anyone to see! I'm sure it'll be fine," Mabel said confidently.
"Yeah, and I mean, I never even knew about any weirdness in this town until you and Dipper came along."
Mabel raised an eyebrow as she looked around the room. "Speaking of - where is Dipper?"
Walking through the tall trees bordering the south region of town, Dipper walked intently but stayed cautious of his surroundings. With Ford's tomb map opened in his hands, he constantly looked back and forth between it and his view ahead while making his way to ensure he was on the right track.
Pacifica trailed behind him somewhat distantly. She wasn't thrilled by the fact they had nearly spent the past hour making their way to the objective completely on foot. If Dipper hadn't insisted otherwise, she absolutely would've given in and simply paid for a taxi fare. That said a lot considering she hated taxis. Dirty, ugly, poor people limos she used to call them. But they were cheap, and buses were even worse. While she debated calling her personal limousine, the last thing she wanted was for her parents to learn she snuck off from her job. Even worse if they found out it was to sneak off to hang with Dipper, of all people
So regardless, she tried to put up with walking as much as she could, for whatever reason she couldn't even figure out herself. But just because she put up with it didn't mean she still wasn't going to complain about it.
"Ugh. How much further do we have?" she groaned exhaustedly.
"We're almost there," Dipper said while looking down at the map.
"That's what you said last time."
"That was like five minutes ago, so it's still just as true this time," he told her, growing slightly annoyed. "God, were you one of those 'Are we there yet?' type of kids during road trips?"
"Road trips? Puh-lease," she said with an eye roll. "When I was little, we took all of our trips with our private jet. It was either that or my dad's yacht. I kind of miss that one actually. The new yacht he got isn't as big."
"Now I'm wondering how far we are."
The absolute last thing Dipper wanted at that moment was to hear about the luxurious tales of an upper-class citizen. For as much as he had come to sympathize with her, the whole rich side of her was something he couldn't imagine himself ever getting over.
Pacifica looked over at him, watching as he simply continued to put his full focus on moving ahead to find the tomb. Seeing him so intent on this mission was actually somewhat interesting to see. For all the times they had been in each other's presence, this was the first time she was able to see him tackle something he sought out on his own accord. No doing favors or getting dragged into any unwanted situations. This was all him. His demeanor as a result appeared a lot more experienced in a sense. Like everything they were doing was just the usual for him.
"So, is this like what you do?" she asked curiously. "Like, every day when you're not fighting ghosts or starting the apocalypse or whatever?"
"First of all, I never started the apocalypse," he said defensively. "Whose fault do you think that was?"
"Mabel's fault?"
He sighed. "Okay, look, even if Mabel had the rift on her, she was tricked by Bill, so it would be wrong to pin that on her."
"No, I mean, that's Mabel's fault?" she repeated while pointing to the side.
Dipper stopped in place as he turned where she pointed. As it turned out, there was a large fault line that drove right through the forest at an undetermined distance. On the protruding side of the fault, there was a sign stuck into the grass that read "Mabel's Fault", which Dipper immediately recalled naming after its discovery following Weirdmageddon.
"Oh, right. I forgot I put that there," he realized. "But yeah, I guess this type of thing is part of what I do. Uncovering secrets, which is next to mystery-solving, researching anomalies, listening to top forty radio…"
"...reading dorky books, watching dorky shows, dressing like a dork…"
"Yeah, and you're dressed particularly middle class yourself today," he struck back.
"Hey, these are work clothes!" she said defensively. "I'm not pony-scooping in any of my usual designer wear. The job's humiliating enough as it is."
"Well, at least you're taking after your great-great grandfather's former aspirations," he jabbed with a humored smirk.
She wasn't so amused by that one though. "Well, that was just a low blow."
Dipper's smirk faded once he turned his head back to look at her. She folded her arms and hung her head, looking seemingly embarrassed by the comparison, even if it was in jest. Thinking it over, Dipper began to realize that the mention of her great-great-grandfather in such a way was a catalyst for reopening old wounds regarding him not being the true town founder, which was something she already wasn't proud of. He knew he didn't mean anything that extreme, but even he could admit that it wasn't the most tasteful clapback.
"No, you're right. That wasn't cool of me. Sorry about that," he guiltily admitted. "And you know, work clothes or not, you look good in khakis. I just figured that was a given."
Pacifica glanced back up again, not paying full attention to him. "Wait, what did you say?"
Dipper's face filled with pink as he realized what he had said. He panicked internally, sticking his face into his map for a good moment before looking up ahead again.
"UHHH, I MEAN… we're here!" he said flusteredly as he stopped on the edge of an open clearing in the forest. "Yep, this is the spot according to the map."
Pacifica stopped beside him and looked around the seemingly empty clearing. "Great. Now, where's this tomb? I'm not seeing anything."
"That's because it's underground. Which means it's probably buried somewhere below this plot of open land here," Dipper said. "Given it's millions of years old and undiscovered, it looks like we might have to dig a hole to get to it."
"What?! No way! I'm not digging a hole!"
"Well, I'm having trouble seeing any other options here."
"There's got to be another way. Is there nothing else on that map of yours?"
"Hmm…" He skimmed both sides of the map. "I'm not seeing anything here. But I mean, it is extraterrestrial, so maybe there's some sort of secret hidden switch somewhere around here. Then again, that's just a guess. We don't really know if one exists."
"Well, it wouldn't hurt to look, would it?" she suggested. Mostly because searching for a switch sounded a lot more appealing to her than picking up a shovel again.
"That depends on how long we spend looking. We might end up spending just as much time searching for this thing as it would take us just to dig for it."
"Fine. Then how about… you dig your stupid hole, and I'll look around for the switch? That way, neither of us wastes our time."
He didn't really feel like arguing with her over this, of all things. "Whatever you say," he said before taking his shovel out from his backpack strap. "But when we're still out here hours later and you start complaining about how long it's taking for me to dig, I'm giving you the shovel."
"Right. Like that's gonna happen," she said with an eye roll.
She turned away from him and took a single step out into the clearing. Immediately, she felt the ground beneath her foot sink slightly, to which she quickly froze. Her eyes looked down, and she saw that she had stepped on what appeared to be some sort of perfectly square plate hidden in the grass.
"What the…? WOOOAH!"
The ground started to rumble, throwing her and Dipper off balance. Dipper turned toward her in confusion as he tried to stay on his feet.
"What's happening?!" he asked.
"You really think I know any better?!" she called back to him.
While the ground continued to shake, an opening formed as a shallow square pit took shape in the grass right beside the two. Old dirt and stone crumbled off and collapsed into the opening as it slowly widened. As the edges of the opening retracted into stone walls, the two were able to see a long flight of ancient stone stairs that looked to lead deeper into what looked like pitch-black darkness of the tomb below.
With the opening finished, the ground ceased its shaking, allowing Dipper and Pacifica to move closer to it and peek inside. They were both surprised, but Dipper's mouth hung open in utter disbelief. Not because they had found the tomb, but because Pacifica was right about there being a switch. A switch that she found within seconds.
Seconds.
"H-H-How…?" he stammered.
"Well, well. Would you look at that?" Pacifica said smugly. "Still wanna dig your hole?"
"Wha…? You TOTALLY found that switch on accident!"
"Accident, on purpose; does it matter? The job is still done and you didn't even have to work any of your nerd muscles," she teased. "Now can we go inside and get this over with? I still have things to do later."
Dipper narrowed his eyes at her, slightly irritated by her smugness. "Fine. Let's go."
He put his shovel back into his backpack strap and pulled out a lantern. He lit it up and held it out ahead, all while glaring at Pacifica annoyedly. She couldn't help but smirk victoriously at his bitterness. Not that she enjoyed seeing him upset, but something about proving a nerd like him wrong to his face granted a feeling of great satisfaction.
"After you, Sir Dorkous," she said, jokingly bowing to him as she descended into the tomb behind him.
Among one of the main roads going through town, Stan drove the Mystery Cart with Ford and Agent Fraid beside him at the front. Mabel and Ryland sat in the back, holding onto the cart's poles as they faced backward while speeding down the road.
Fraid nearly hung outside the front passenger seat of the cart, which left her in a state of constant stress coupled with Stan's unhinged driving forcing her to clutch her tablet tight. "Was it necessary for us to take a golf cart, of all vehicles?"
"I actually agree..." Ford said.
BUMP!
The golf cart sped right over a pothole, shaking up the entire vehicle very hard and suddenly, much to Fraid's stress.
"...but Stan insisted…" Ford finished, eyeballing him irritatedly.
"She wanted the tour experience, did she not?" Stan mentioned. "Besides, what's the problem? It's a beautiful day, ain't it?"
"It just seems like an odd choice," Fraid said.
"Lady, you probably think any cereal other than raisin bran is an odd choice," Stan quipped.
"Hmm…" Fraid looked down at her tablet and tapped through a few different screens. "And you said you didn't have a criminal record, correct?"
Stan's eyes suddenly widened nervously. "Uhhh… OH, LOOK!"
Without further warning, he slammed the brakes forcefully. Everyone's bodies flung forward with whiplash as the wheels skid violently against the road. Everybody else hung on for their lives, including Fraid, who held her tablet to her chest once more as the cart came to a stop.
"Hey-hey, we're here!" Stan announced. "Ford, kids- why don't you do your thing and show the agent around while I stand back and try to keep my mouth shut?"
Agent Fraid stepped out from the Mystery Cart and looked around. They had parked at the corner of an intersection near the center of town. Various different local businesses and shops were on immediate display, and townspeople roamed about on the streets or sidewalks, in their cars, or on foot.
"So, this is Gravity Falls?" Fraid asked as she examined the surroundings.
"Indeed," Ford said. "And as you can see, it's as normal as it gets."
"Yup!" Mabel nodded. "Normal buildings, normal people, normal sky, normal ground, normal air…"
She decided to take a deep whiff of the air as it was to prove her point. However, it quickly backfired as she began coughing profusely.
"Okay, maybe the air's a bit polluted," she admitted. "Hey, since you're with the government, maybe you guys could do something about that?"
"Oh, uh, sorry, that's not my department," Fraid replied.
Mabel looked confused. "Does that matt-"
"Anyways, who's that over there?" Fraid cut off dismissively.
She gestured across the street where none other than Mayor Tyler stood, happily admiring the town as it was with his kind-hearted smile. From around the corner behind him, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland held a restrained man, walking him over toward Tyler.
"Oh, that's Mayor Tyler Cutebiker!" Mabel answered. "And right behind him are Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland, our town's law enforcement."
"Your town's only law enforcement is a single sheriff and deputy?" Fraid asked.
"Of course not!" Mabel denied. "They're dating. Definitely not single."
"Mayor Tyler!" Durland called out to him.
Tyler turned to them, eyes immediately glancing over at the restrained man. "Oh my. What's going on here?"
"We just caught this fool trying to rob the corner store," Blubs told him.
"Yeah, the one on the corner!" Durland added.
Tyler gasped. "Attempted robbery? How shameful!"
"What do you think we should do with him, sir?" Blubs asked.
"What does he have to say for himself? Surely he must feel bad after what he's done," Tyler said.
The man looked up at him with opportunistic eyes. "Uhhh… yeah!" he said deceitfully. "I feel awful! I'm so guilty. So very guilty."
Tyler crossed his arms. "Do you regret what you've done?"
"Absolutely," the man nodded. "I regret everything. My choices were poor. If I had another chance, I'd choose to be a better man."
Tyler's eyes softened from stern to sparkling with sympathy in an instant. His lips quivered as he looked on at the man with the highest faith.
"Awwww!" he said, clasping his hands together. "Well, in that case… Sheriff? Deputy? Release this man and set him free."
"Wh-Wh-What?" Blubs stammered in confusion.
"You heard me. He has acknowledged his actions and has decided to be better. He deserves his second chance," Tyler reasoned.
The sheriff and deputy stared at him with their mouths agape in a state of bafflement. They glanced at one another briefly, acknowledging their shared feelings just from reading each other's faces. Despite their reluctance, they complied with Tyler's command as Blubs unlocked the man's cuffs and took them off, setting the man free.
"Thank you, Mayor Tyler!" the man said gratefully as he rubbed his wrists. "I promise that starting now, I'm a new man! I will never rob another corner store again!"
The man turned around and took off freely down the sidewalk on his way. Holding his word, he passed the corner store entirely and instead made his way right into the local bank that stood right next door.
Blubs scratched his head as he continued to stand in place with great uncertainty. "Uh… Mayor Tyler, with all due respect, I'm not quite convinced that was how we should've handled that situation."
"Yeah, don't you think he got off kinda easy?" Durland asked.
"Nah, you boys need to understand that people like him are only human," Tyler told them. "Everybody makes mistakes. It's just important for us to realize those mistakes, learn from them, and strive to become better people. That's exactly what that man did, and so I think he deserved a second chance for it."
"Huh. I guess when you put it that way, it makes a lotta sense," Blubs started to agree with a growing smile.
"Now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside," Durland said while hugging himself.
"Yep," Tyler nodded. "Life's all about showing a little bit of empathy and compassion for one anoth- HEY, WAIT A SECOND, THAT MAN IS JAYWALKING!"
"WHAT?!" Durland said loudly.
He and Blubs quickly turned their heads back as Tyler pointed behind them. Across the street from them was a completely different man crossing an empty road while the crosswalk light was red. Just as Tyler shouted for him, he stood frozen in place as he looked up at them in slight confusion.
"Oh no, he ain't! Not in my book!" Blubs shouted, drawing his police baton. "HEY! STOP RIGHT THERE! HOW DARE YOU WALK AT A RED LIGHT!"
Blubs and Durland began making their way toward him, to which the man turned around and began fleeing down the block. As such, the two picked up speed and started chasing after him. Mayor Tyler stood back watching eagerly as they did so, whereas Agent Fraid and everyone else continued to stand on the corner of the block behind him, spectating everything.
"Well, law enforcement seems quite unordinary here," Fraid said as she began typing on her tablet again. "Mayoral commands seem very unusual as well."
"Hey, c'mon! Tyler is just a very laid-back and kind-hearted mayor! He's not unusual," Mabel told her.
As Blubs and Durland continued chasing the jaywalker, Tyler threw his fists up and down excitedly as he watched. "That's right! Git 'em! Git 'em! Instant ten years prison time!"
Mabel looked on at him for a moment before glancing back at Fraid nervously. "Heheh… Did I forget to mention he's excitable?"
Despite her attempts at charm, Fraid was left visibly unmoved and continued typing away on her tablet without paying her a glance. Mabel began to grow a bit more nervous as a result, realizing they were not doing a good job convincing her of anything.
"Well, look, maybe our law enforcement isn't exactly flawless, but at least in regard to the people, you can't argue that everyone here is undeniably human," Ford chimed in.
"Hi, everybody!" a familiar voice greeted from behind.
"AAAAHHHHHHH!" everyone suddenly screamed in pure horror as they turned around and laid eyes on who was in front of them.
"Oh, I mean, uh… What's the haps, my doggies?" Toby Determined corrected, looking up at them with finger guns and a wide clenched smile which was very obviously uncomfortable for him. He stood before them dressed up in his studded punk rock outfit he put together during the apocalypse, sporting the same spikey, bright blue mohawk, as well as his piercings and makeup.
"Oh my goodness, what in God's name is that hideous creature?" Agent Fraid questioned in horror while holding her tablet up like a shield.
"Wait, that's no creature. That's just Toby Determined," Mabel realized.
"Shhh! Don't call me that!" Toby whispered loudly. "The name's Bodacious T! Far more hip and cool than that weird Toby guy."
Mabel sighed. "Toby, what're you doing? I thought you were past this phase years ago."
"Bodacious T was never a phaaase!" he defended. "He's part of who I aaam! He gains more respect than Toby ever does!"
"We've literally seen you as Toby more than once this summer," she reminded him.
Toby rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Umm… yeah, Toby still has a job and rent to pay. He also has parents who don't respect Bodacious T."
Ford stared at him oddly. "Is he referring to both of his personalities in the third person?"
"I don't know how he does it, but he somehow manages to get weirder every time we speak," Mabel said.
"Now if you'll excuuuse me, I'm going to go hang out with my frieennnds!" Toby said before turning away and starting to walk off.
"Wait, YOU have friends?" Stan asked.
He stopped in place to turn back to them dramatically. "Toby Determined doesn't… but Bodacious T does!"
Everybody stared at him blankly as he tried to maintain a confident posture in the middle of the sidewalk. As the silence grew though, he slouched again, sighing somewhat defeatedly.
"Look, this is what my life has come to. Can I please just have this win?" he begged.
The silence and staring prospered for another few seconds as he continued standing before them in the middle of the sidewalk.
"Get lost, Bodacious," Stan said, finally breaking the silence.
Toby smiled widely. "HOORAY! Acceptance!" he cheered before running off down the sidewalk with his arms raised happily.
Agent Fraid's eyes narrowed as she glared over at Ford. "So, as normal as it gets, huh?"
"Oh, c'mon, Ms. Fraid. Even you must know that even the most normal towns in the world have the occasional weirdo," Mabel said, coming to Ford's defense.
"Perhaps, but I'm just going off what I've been told here," she said. "And what I've been told is that there is nothing interesting about this town. Though, from what I've seen so far of the people alone, I'd disagree."
Ford cleared his throat audibly to break the growing tension. "Moving along then. Say, perhaps we'll find less interesting people at the shopping mall."
Jumping on his suggestion, he took the lead and began walking down the sidewalk. Fraid continued close behind him as she got right back to using her tablet on the way.
Stan started to follow distantly behind Ford and Agent Fraid but stopped between Mabel and Ryland. "You see her? That is definitely not the person you want to be interrogated by," he quietly mentioned.
He continued walking, leaving Mabel and Ryland on their own by the Mystery Cart as they stayed behind for the moment.
"Drat!" Mabel shouted. "She's good…"
"For real. Evan wasn't kidding," Ryland nodded.
"Glad to hear my word being respected only AFTER the fact," Evan's voice suddenly spoke from the given earpieces Mabel and Ryland wore.
"Evan, what's going on with her tablet? Any more suspicions?" Mabel asked.
"Of course. She isn't running out of those anytime soon," he replied. "Already got updated profiling on Mayor Tyler, Sheriff Blubs, Deputy Durland, and... a Bodacious T?"
"Okay, seriously, how is she on board with calling him that?" Mabel asked.
"From the profiles alone, she's definitely no more convinced of this town being normal than she was before. You guys really need to find a way to throw her off."
"We're trying, but she's too suspicious of everything!" Ryland said. "I thought government people were supposed to be incompetent."
"The agents we dealt with last time were," Mabel mentioned. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually kind of missing those two right about now."
"Well, we need to figure out how we're gonna deal with Fraid because she's not budging so far."
"Well, just stay on her and keep trying to divert her suspicions," Evan reinforced. "Believe me, the consequences we'll have to deal will be catastrophic if she finds out about any real anomalies."
"Gee, no pressure, am I right?" Ryland sarcastically remarked.
"YES, PRESSURE! ALL THE PRESSURE! I DON'T WANNA GO TO PRISON, RYLAND!" Evan's voice screamed from the earpieces, causing both Ryland and Mabel to wince at his volume.
"OW!" Ryland shouted painfully. "And I don't want busted eardrums, but we can't all get what we want, can we?"
"Just stick with Fraid..." Evan commanded with audible annoyance in his voice. "And keep me updated! I'll be on the line if needed."
Ryland let out a sigh before turning back to Mabel. "Well, this is not looking good for us so far."
"Yeah, we've been pretty... unlucky with finding normal things around here, but on the bright side, she still hasn't run into any actual weirdness!" Mabel reminded, maintaining her confidence. "We just gotta stick with her like Evan said, and keep trying to act normal. And besides, it's not like everyone here in Gravity Falls is weird-looking or braindead."
"Right, I mean, look at that guy over there!" Ryland pointed out. "He looks completely normal!"
He pointed toward who appeared to be, as he said, a very normal-looking man making his way down the sidewalk toward them. Except, he was stumbling instead of walking. In fact, he seemed to have no sense of direction at all, as he stumbled straight into a street light.
"Oop, that's not my wife," he said, backing away from the pole slightly. He then turned around and immediately stumbled right into a wall behind him. "Oop, that's definitely not my wife."
Turning to the side, he continued stumbling forward until he met a trash can, falling headfirst into it until only his legs stuck out from the top.
"Ahhh, there she is!" he exclaimed happily as he allowed himself to simply sit in the trash can.
For a good moment, Mabel and Ryland just stared blankly at the man in the trash, watching as his legs continued to kick around lightly out of the top. Thinking of the Blind Eye Society yet again, Mabel realized she may have underestimated the number of townsfolk who were likely affected by the memory eraser's long-term brain-damaging effects after repeated usage.
"This is going to be harder than I thought," she admitted.
Footsteps echoed through the darkness of a long, stone-walled chamber. The one thing that brought any form of illumination in the dark was the lantern Dipper held as he and Pacifica walked through the ancient tomb together.
The air was stale but the smell wasn't too offensive. It sure was old though. It was almost like a wet elderly home, Pacifica had described not long after they first entered. Dipper had no idea how she had come to that comparison.
The walls were marked with cracks and crevices that split wider with age. From those cracks ran old wet stains of dirt, presumably from all the precipitation on the surface absorbed into the soil over the millions of years the tomb existed. The floor wasn't much better, as it had moss stemming out of its cracks as well and even had a bunch of protruding little bumps that one could feel as they walked. It made for an odd-feeling walk that would likely be painful were it not for their footwear.
As they moved along, however, the walls went from plain old cracked stone to having actual patterns engraved within the stone walls. Mostly large circles intersected by curved lines and differently carved smaller circles inside bigger circles. They reminded Dipper of many of the curved patterns he saw among the walls and the general structuring of the interior of Crash Site Omega. The correlation definitely started to make a lot of sense to him.
He held his lantern up from wall to wall, looking at the different patterns in the stone walls with sheer amazement. "Man, would you look at this place?! Isn't it insane?"
"Yeah, insanely creepy," Pacifica remarked as she lingered behind him much less enthusiastically.
She stopped to examine one of the walls, resting a finger over a crevice. Almost immediately as she did so, several tiny spiders emerged from the crevice and began crawling onto her hand.
"AAAGH!" she shrieked, quickly pulling her hand back and flailing it around repeatedly in panic.
"Woah… this is crazy," Dipper said as he kneeled next to something further down the hall. "Pacifica, you gotta see this."
Brushing the last few spiders off of her hand, Pacifica narrowed her eyes as she bitterly approached him. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine, by the way. Thanks for asking."
"Check this out."
From the ground, he picked up what looked to be an old piece of cloth or bandaging. It was a whitish-yellow with specs of aged dirt among it with the ends looking ripped and worn.
"Traces of old linen bandaging. This is the same stuff they wrap mummies in…" he noted.
"And you're touching it with your bare hands. Ugh…" Pacifica groaned in disgust, taking a step back. "Now you're probably ridden with tons of million-year-old diseases."
"Actually, what's amazing is that this linen has supernatural properties that can help maintain a youthful appearance by touching it."
"As if."
"I'm serious. I mean, why else would they wrap the dead in it? Obviously to preserve the bodies in the best possible condition."
This reasoning piqued her interest. "Wait, really?"
"Of course." He held it out to her. "And it works just as well in maintaining your looks while you're alive."
Pacifica was momentarily hesitant, but she slowly gave in to strengthening temptations and took the bandaging from his hand. "So just by touching it, I get to keep looking young?"
"Only what you touch with the linen is affected," he explained. "Like... I bet if you touch that old wrinkle under your eye, it'll fade and make it like you never even had it yet."
With the linen, she proceeded to rub right beneath her left eye where her oldest wrinkle sat, rubbing as though it was a wipe or towel. She looked back up at him hopefully. "Did it work? Is it gone?"
He snorted. "No, but I guess both of us are disease-ridden now."
"Wait, what?!"
He burst out laughing, to which Pacifca's look of slight hope had now completely devolved into one of pure horror as she realized what he had let her do.
"UGGGH! DIPPER!" she shouted disgustedly, dropping the linen before frantically rubbing under her eye with the neck of her shirt.
Dipper wiped a tear from his eye as his laughter died down. "Ahh… That's the second time I've gotten you to rub trash on your face. Man, am I good or what?"
"You're annoying, that's what! I rubbed that thing right under my eye! What if I got it infected? I am NOT going to be the start of the next pink eye epidemic!"
"Relax. You'll live. C'mon, let's keep moving."
He continued pushing forward into the tomb, illuminating the walls he passed with his lantern. She grudgingly followed him so she wouldn't be enveloped by the harsh darkness that returned from behind the further the light went.
"I swear- if we make it out of here alive, I'm going to punch you in the face."
For a few minutes, the two kept walking through the tomb. As Dipper walked, he hadn't imagined that the scale of the place would be as big as it was. From all the research he had done researching human ancient tombs for comparison, he had imagined there would be a greater sense of confinement within the alien tomb. However, the tomb they currently went through couldn't have been more spacious. Perhaps that had more to do with how much more advanced the aliens had to have been than humanity was at the time.
On the other hand, Pacifica was growing more and more uneasy by the minute. Not only did the constant darkness surrounding their one light source fill her with distress, but the compact underground airflow kept the tomb feeling warm and muggy. As such, she was both physically and mentally uncomfortable.
"Ugh, I'm getting sweat beads all over my skin," she said disgustedly, looking down at the sweat droplets forming on her arm. "There's no air conditioning down here, is there?"
"Gee, I don't know. We're more than a hundred feet underground in a stone tomb built by ancient aliens millions of years ago. What do you think?" Dipper sneered.
"I think that if the aliens were advanced enough to crash here, they should've been advanced enough to build decent air conditioning."
Before he could respond, Dipper stopped in place as he glanced to the side. "Hang on. What's this over here?"
He ran to the side for a closer look, causing Pacifica to roll her eyes at his continued dismissal of her. She followed along nonetheless, meeting him in front of what looked to be a wall of various glyphs engraved across another wall of stone.
"Oh man... Alien hieroglyphics!" Dipper excitedly realized.
He set his map down for a moment and pulled out his journal and his phone at the same time. As he cracked his journal open, he pulled up the picture on his phone that he had taken of Ford's glyph translations the night before.
"Ford somehow managed to translate their whole glyph system. Can you believe that?"
Pacifica gazed at the wall uninterestedly. "I'm floored."
"This one probably spells out a message of some sort," he presumed as he started jotting the wall glyphs down in his journal. "Maybe I can decode it."
"Can we maybe hurry this along?" she asked. "Reminder that I still have a chore I need to make time to do later."
Dipper sighed. "You know, after the whole manatee war thing, I honestly kind of thought you'd be a bit more into this. Knowing how you want to study the ocean and all."
"How exactly does going into some dark and creepy old tomb have anything to do with wanting to study marine life?"
"I'm not saying it does, but like, I thought you wanting to study something like that meant that maybe you had more of a knack for this sorta thing. Exploring and such," he explained. "I mean, if you found something like this at the bottom of the seafloor, wouldn't you be excited?"
"It might be interesting, but it's not exactly the type of mystery I'm after. I'm not studying ocean life with future hopes of one day finding an underwater mummy death trap, of all things."
"Well, I guess I just hoped you'd be a bit more enthusiastic about all of this," he said, turning back to the transcriptions. "Even Mabel, someone who isn't even trying to find a future in this stuff, still gets some kick out of these missions we go on."
Pacifica folded her arms, eyes looking to the side bitterly. "Yeah, well, sorry to disappoint you. Not everyone is like Mabel or even someone as cool and adventurous as your best friend, Willow."
He glanced back at her. "You mean Wendy?"
"Whatever!" she suddenly snapped, much to his confusion. Feelings amplified by her growing stress at that moment, she dug into her pocket and pulled her phone out. "God, it's so dark in here!" She turned on her phone's flashlight and pointed it around, providing the slightest bit of extra light in addition to Dipper's lantern. "There. That helps… barely."
Dipper clenched his fist. "Ugh! I can't crack this message. I'm not making any sense of it using these translations."
"Maybe it's not supposed to be a message," Pacifica suggested, pointing her phone flashlight around aimlessly to the side of the wall.
He stroked his chin. "Maybe. But if it's not a message…"
His eyes glanced over and latched onto the light Pacifica aimed at the wall next to him. He then narrowed his eyes, focusing intently on the glyphs. Looking left to right slowly, he managed to make out what looked to be an abnormally shaped arrow that pointed to a specific point on the wall where the glyphs began to differ.
"...then it's a direction!" he realized, eyes widening.
"Huh?"
Dipper walked up to the tip of the abnormal arrow. He put a hand up to the wall where the arrow ended. With light pressure, he pushed against the wall and was able to feel the spot press in a bit, discovering it to be yet another secret button.
He smirked. "I guess the aliens really loved their hidden switches."
Hand on the button, he pressed it in completely. Following right after, the ground began to rumble a bit, throwing the two off guard once again. They looked up though and noticed a portion of the stone wall of glyphs slowly pry open, revealing another passageway to venture through, much to Dipper's excitement and Pacifica's increasing paranoia.
"Jackpot. We're getting closer," Dipper said as he began walking through the newly opened passageway.
"Closer to what exactly?" Pacifica asked as she followed along. "I'm so confused. What are we even after?"
"I did some research on the layouts of different ancient tombs beforehand for reference," he explained, pulling out a diagram from his hoodie. "Despite being built by aliens, this place structurally bears a lot of resemblance to the average human tomb. In which case, if we go deep enough, we may be able to find further chambers. One of them being a treasury room!"
"A treasury?" she questioned with a look of uncertainty. "You know I'm rich again, right? If you're this desperate for money, I could just lend you some instead of forcing ourselves through this death trap."
"It's not about money. Pacifica, this place was built by aliens," he reminded her yet again. "Whatever might be in that treasury is likely stuff that even your parents' money couldn't buy."
"That's debatable."
"Now, based on this diagram, it seems like we must be making our way through the antechamber," he explained as he read the diagram. "Which means we must be coming up on the burial chamber."
Pacifica raised an eyebrow nervously. "Burial chamber?"
"You know, where they keep the mummies. The average human tomb usually has one or two of them, so I feel like maybe this place could have about the same- WOOAH!"
Not watching his step, he accidentally set his foot down right over a hole in the walkway. With nothing beneath the hole to support him, he simply plunged downward. As he fell through, he quickly grabbed hold of the ledge with his arms before falling all the way through.
"DIPPER!" Pacifica called out anxiously.
"I'm fine!" he shouted back as gripped the ledge as hard as he could. "Just… help me up, please..."
She ran up to him and quickly grabbed hold of one of his arms, pulling him up. As she pulled, he grabbed onto her arm and helped push himself out from the hole. Once he was out and on his feet again, her anxious eyes turned into an annoyed glare.
"If we keep this up, it's gonna be our bodies that get buried down here!" she snapped.
"Hey, don't worry! I just wasn't looking where I was going. Dumb mistake, but we're okay." He curiously looked around the walkway. "Though, I gotta say, from what I researched... I don't remember ancient antechambers being so long and… hazardous."
"Really? You don't recall King Tut having long, sketchy walkways with holes in the ground in his tomb?" Pacifica sarcastically remarked.
"Not from the pictures I saw, at least. Nice historical reference by the way." He straightened his misaligned cap. "Anyway, thanks for the save back there. Almost lost my hat too, and I just got it back."
"Ohhh, yeah. You're wearing your old cap again," she suddenly realized. "Can't believe it took me this long to realize. I thought there was something about you today that seemed marginally less dork-like."
"I'll try to take that as a compliment," Dipper said with a slight smirk.
"Well, it's better than wearing a bear's scalp for a hat, so sure," she mocked. "Good thing you threw that away."
"I didn't throw it away. I gave it back to Wendy, and she gave me my old cap back. We traded, just like we did when Mabel and I left Gravity Falls."
Pacifica's contemptuous smile quickly faded. "Wait, so that's like… a thing that you two do? Trading hats with each other?"
"I mean, yeah. I guess."
"...Why?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. In one way, it's sort of like a parting gift. In another way, I guess it's a sign of our friendship or that we care about each other."
Pacifica stopped in place briefly as she took this in. Her eyes narrowed slightly, looking at the ground somewhat defeatedly.
"Well, you two seem like you're very close with one another," she said as she continued walking slowly behind him.
"Yeah, I mean, Wendy's like… one of the first real friends I've ever made here," Dipper continued with a mellow feeling looming over him as he continued to think about her. "On top of that, she's just so cool and incredible in so many ways. Some of the last few times we hung out before she left really just reminded me how awesome she is."
She folded her arms. "Really now?"
"Yep. Wendy's the coolest person I know, without a doubt," he went on. "She's the best."
Pacifica's eyes grew big and her mouth narrowly opened as she suddenly halted in place, staring forward blankly.
The best.
She knew she had no reason to be angry. Wendy was just closer to Dipper than she was. There was no getting around that, and she had managed to get past all of the other mentions of her up to that point. But hearing Dipper call her the best… An uncomfortable tightness grew in her chest as she simply watched Dipper continue to move along, not even noticing her suddenly stop behind him.
It was at that moment she began to feel stupid, which was a rare feeling for her. But it was how she felt as she started to regret everything about coming along. The hard truth that she had come to realize was that in a world where Wendy stuck around and hadn't moved away, Dipper likely would've brought her along.
Instead, in their world, she was standing in the place of the best, something that she was far from being if his past judgment still meant anything at all.
"Woah, hang on. Is that what I think it is?" Dipper spoke out, stopping in place as he looked ahead.
His eyes widened. Just ahead of him at the end of the visible cracked and dusty stone pathway, there was what looked to be a large metallic coffin sitting in the middle of the room which his lantern light reflected off of. He walked up to it for a closer look, making sure to keep his steps slow and cautious. A wide grin formed on his face as his thoughts were confirmed.
"No way… A mummy coffin!" he said quietly, yet excitedly. He took a look around the room, examining the ceiling and walls. "This must be the burial chamber! Haha! I can't believe it! This is so… wow! Pacifica, you gotta see this!"
He turned around and quickly noticed she wasn't with him, to which his grin quickly disappeared.
"Pacifica?" he repeated, holding his lantern up.
Looking a bit further down the hall they had come from, he noticed a light flickering on and off in the middle of the darkness. Curiously, he took a few steps back down the hall toward it. As he got closer, his lantern illuminated the area enough to where he was able to see Pacifica sitting at the bottom of a small set of steps back by the part of the tomb where he almost fell.
As he walked back up to her, he took notice of her body language. She sat with her knees up, her arm resting on top of it while the lower half of her face was stuffed into it. Her other arm was laid out to the side where her head was turned. In her hand, she held her phone and repeatedly tapped a single button on the screen, flicking the phone's flashlight on and off. Dipper recalled the sight of her immediately and knew something was up.
"Hey, are you alright?" he asked from behind.
"I'm fine," she replied softly without even looking at him.
"Are you sure?"
"Very."
He very much didn't believe her, but pressing her about it didn't feel like the better choice.
"Uh… alright. Well, I just found the mummy coffin in the burial chamber. So I was checking if you wanted to-"
"-look at it? No thanks. Just go check it out yourself."
He looked on at her hesitantly. "Really?"
"Really."
There was a moment of silence as he kept looking at her with uncertainty. He expected some sort of follow-up, but she just continued to look away from him.
"Okay," he said.
He turned back around and slowly started walking down the hall again. Still, he couldn't help but look back at her over his shoulder just to see if she would change her mind or her demeanor or anything.
But she didn't. She just sat with her head on her knees and kept flicking her phone light.
He stopped again. "Look, if there's something wrong-"
"Nothing's wrong," she cut off, glancing over at him for a moment. "Just go look at your stupid mummy. At least then, you'd still have one of the things you wanted."
Dipper could swear his mind was broken with how confused he was. He turned back around and continued walking, opting not to bother her further. But that didn't stop him from thinking about her or what suddenly brought her this change in attitude.
"What's up with her now?" he asked as he walked along. "Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said? Is she just that uninterested in this whole thing? I don't get it."
He let out a mentally exhausted sigh. Looking back up at the coffin, however, he began to perk up a bit again as he remembered what he had come for.
"Well, so what if she's not interested? I mean, this place has undiscovered ancient mummies and alien treasures!" he reminded himself. "I can only imagine the look on Ford's face when he learns I pulled this off!"
Ready as can be, he put his lantern on the ground and excitedly put his hands on the top cover of the coffin, preparing to move it off. He stopped, however, and his excitement quickly dialed back down to nothing. His once eager smile devolved into a slight frown as he began to think to himself. He took his hands off of the coffin cover and looked down at them conflictingly.
He narrowed his eyes. "Man, is that really the reason I'm doing all of this?"
Turning his head, he looked back down the hall from which he came. Just barely, he could still make out Pacifica's phone light still going on and off in the dark. He pressed his back against the coffin and slowly slid to the ground on his rear.
Just the night before, he was arguing about his capabilities with Ford regarding this adventure. This morning, he was so confident in himself that he decided to go against Ford's warning and do this adventure on his own. He felt so ready. But now, he was right beside a real mummy coffin and it felt like he hardly cared anymore. Except, he did care, right? So why didn't he feel like it?
"I really do have a problem, don't I?" he realized. "Setting off on a risky adventure just to prove my own worth to someone who undeniably knows better than I do; all while dragging along someone who doesn't even care that much about any of this."
Yeah, it really was that bad when he summed it up like that. Especially dragging Pacifica into it all. That must've at least been part of the reason she was upset with him. She was only there so he didn't go alone. Though, in retrospect, she did say pretty upfront she didn't want anything to do with the adventure. Still, perhaps he should've been a bit more considerate of her interests in that regard. But at that point, it seemed as though they were already too far along for him to truly do so anymore.
He sighed glumly as he pulled himself back up to his feet, glancing back down at the coffin. "Well, I've already come this far, right? Might as well get a look at this guy at the very least."
Though not as enthusiastic as he was previously, he put his hands back on the coffin and made an effort to push the cover off. Given the whole thing was made out of a sort of refined stone, it weighed a considerable amount. Regardless, he put every ounce of his strength into moving it, breaking a pretty good sweat in the process. Slowly but surely, he started to move the cover off, the opening progressively widening as he came to have his first look at what was inside.
Admittedly, the closer he was to getting the cover off, the more excited he got again. It still didn't match his earlier enthusiasm, but it was enough to say that at least part of him was still very much into everything.
Once he pushed off enough of the cover on one side of the coffin, he picked up his lantern and held it over the opening as he looked inside.
"Huh?"
It was empty. Completely empty. His already limited excitement was once again shot down as he was now hit with a new wave of great confusion and shock. Not even trying to be careful anymore, he swiftly pushed the rest of the cover right off the coffin and onto the ground to get a look at the entire inside. But even as he began frantically scanning the coffin for a sign of anything, he found himself greatly unsuccessful.
He shook his head in disbelief. "What the…? There's nothing in here! Where's the mummy?"
"AAAAAHHH!"
Dipper's eyes instantly bulged as he turned back toward the dark hall from which he suddenly heard Pacifica's high-pitched fearful scream. Her flickering phone light was gone and there was no immediate sign of her presence in the darkness as he looked back.
"Pacifica?!"
Without wasting a second further, he sprinted back down the hall. As he ran, he quickly attached his lantern to his backpack so he could have both of his hands ready for anything while still carrying his one source of light on him.
"PACIFICA, WHERE ARE YOU?!" he called out as he ran.
"DIPPER!" she called back.
His feet suddenly slid across the ground until he came to a hard stop. Analyzing what little he could see in the darkness of his immediate surroundings, his eyes soon managed to spot Pacifica on the ground being dragged backward away from him.
Something appeared to have caught her by her feet or legs, pulling her back from the hole in the walkway that Dipper had nearly fallen into earlier. She used her hands to try and frantically grab something to resist her capture, but there was nothing to grab onto. Despite her resistance, she continued to get dragged across the ground until her legs were now hanging from the hole, forcing her to grab onto the ledge as a last-ditch effort.
"DIPPER, HELP!" she pleaded, desperately holding onto the ledge for her life.
"HANG ON!" Dipper shouted, breaking into another sprint toward her.
She narrowed her eyes at him with great annoyance. "HANG ON?! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M TRYING TO D- AAAAAAHHHH!"
Dipper reached the hole, throwing himself onto his knees as he reached a desperate hand out into the hole. But it was already too late, as he had to watch as she was pulled into the pitch-black darkness below, her scream slowly fading out until it was but an echo that bounced off the stone walls in the spacious tomb. His heart dropped and his skin paled as he stared down the hole in horror.
"PACIFICAAAA!"
(Chapter updated as of March 28, 2024)