I run to the deck completely in a trance, and holding her scarf in my hand like my life depended on it. It was daytime, but I didn't see anyone. I hear voices coming from the kitchen and I burst in.
-Be careful, you idiot!- Nami shouts after slamming the door into the wall
-Y/N? Where is Y/N?
Everyone looked at me confused, except Luffy who continued to eat without worry.
Desperation turned to anger, I couldn't think, this couldn't be happening... Not when she managed to climb the walls I had built. When she showed me what it was like to love someone. When I got used to her presence and looked for her every night to calm my demons.
I go to Luffy and grab him by the vest with my free hand -How could you let her go? She is our companion, she belongs with us. Not risking her life alone and without protection.
Sanji and Usopp get up and try to separate me from Luffy, but I push them away and try to make Luffy face me -Why didn't you stop her? Why did she left without saying goodbye... just a letter that explains nothing. Answer Luffy!- my heart ached, this could only be a nightmare -What captain allows one of his companions to leave without an explanation or a goodbye?!
I no longer feel Sanji and Ussop trying to control me. Finally, everyone in that kitchen realizes what's happening.
-Luffy?!- Nami's voice is weak but sincere like the day he gave her the hat to save her
-Y/N just went for one of her walks, right?- asks Chopper who was now pulling Luffy's shorts to get attention and answers
-The captain must have had his reasons, why don't you give e him space to explain himself...-Robin says trying to calm down everyone
He pushes me away and puts the hat on his head.
-Y/N made her choice... I don't know when she will return, but she will never stop being a Straw Hat.
Those words couldn't be true. She was really gone. I felt like I had lost my ground.
Everyone looks at the captain with surprise, without knowing how to react or what to say. Tears begin to stream down Nami and Chopper's faces, and Ussop quickly joins in. Robin, Franky exchanged glances with each other. Sanji lit a cigarette and looked at Luffy.
-Yohohohoho, our captain and his jokes. I'm sure this was just another one of Y/N's jokes too.
-Luffy, where is she?- Sanji asks calmly, smoking his cigarette -Let's change the route and bring her back.
-She made me promise not to go after her. She's not going back, not until she makes that decision.
All that pain filling every part of me, it wasn't easy to control myself. I was angry and feeling her scarf in my hand reminded me of her voice, her smile, her smell. Her presence that was gone...
-I won't accept this! - lead by the anger of having no concrete answers, I punch Luffy who doesn't dodge, hitting the wall and falling to the floor.
-Mosshead, he's still our captain!- shouts Sanji who grabs me before attacking Luffy again.
-Let go of him, Sanji! - he finally faces his nakamas, gets up, and comes towards me. He puts his hand on my shoulder and tears start to run down his face -You swore you would become the best swordsman in the world and I promised I would help you. Y/N's moment is now. What captain would I be if I prevented everyone from realizing their dreams?
-But without saying goodbye...- I fall to my knees on the floor trying to accept the reality.
-We all share the same pain- Luffy faces each of his crew -We made a toast. She is our nakama. It doesn't matter how long she takes, she will always have a place to return.