Chapter 120
Nunc scio quid sit amor
"Now I know what love is"

""I love you in a language that I don't fully understand.
In words that I haven't found enough courage
to forklift out of my chest."
—"Turning Tables"

Kagome slept soundly beside him.

It took her much longer to fall asleep than he thought it would. She'd looked exhausted after everything, and she still seemed to have a hard time going to sleep.

Not that he was fairing any better.

It had been a fucking day. He was fucking whipped, and he was sure that Kagome was too. He was already ready to sleep off the emotional whiplash from earlier in the woods.

That still made him smile. She knew that he loved her, and he knew that she loved him, and now they were a thing.

And it was a good thing.

But then there was Kikyo, and he didn't even know how to start to emotionally deal with that.

He felt bad—though that felt like a really shitty way to describe it—that she'd died again—essentially murdered a second time—but at least it was on her terms, and she was herself. He'd hate to think that she'd died angry at the world.

And she got to see Kaede one more time. Knowing Kaede, the old woman was probably glad that she got to say goodbye face to face this time. He'd known that it bothered her to an extent, especially after Kikyo's revival. They'd carted Kikyo off to the only other person who had any sort of healing background right after she'd pinned him to the tree, according to Kaede, and they hadn't let her see Kikyo until the priestess was already gone. And then, when Kikyo returned, she'd barely spoken to Kaede—only once had she ever made an effort as far as he knew.

But he was glad that she got to say goodbye this time. Both of them. It was better that way. Maybe they both got some closure out of that whole experience. He didn't even know what the fuck he'd gotten out of it.

Kagome, though, he wasn't sure what to make of that mess.

She hadn't wanted to come, but he wasn't about to let her sit there and think about what was happening.

He knew Kagome.

He knew she'd sit there and think that he was flirting or whatever went through that big dumb brain of hers. Because that's what she'd accused him of in the past. All he'd really wanted for Kikyo was peace and rest and to not be murdered by Naraku again—he'd never wanted her to be a victim in the first place, much less twice.

And somehow it still felt like he'd let that happen again.

Despite his assurances, he'd always somehow managed to fuck up what he wanted and what he stated were never the same or the correct thing.

Because he knew well enough to know that a few nice words wasn't going to erase the worst of the things that were said and done. He knew that first hand.

He stared at her face as she slept next to him—she looked comfortable and calm.

He knew that no matter what the things that people said stuck with you.

She was the proof of that alone, and he'd spend the rest of this lifetime and the next making up for everything he'd done and said to make her doubt herself like she did—and still does.

Sango and Kaede whispered to each other about whether to come in and wake them for breakfast.

Like he wasn't already awake and couldn't hear what they were saying.

Rolling his eyes at their stupidity, he buried his head back into her hair, staring at the wall in front of him.

He deserved a few more minutes before everyone came in here and fucked everything up. Was it too much to ask for a few more minutes?

He would always need a few more minutes with her.

The night had felt long and overwhelming, and he could already use a nap, which definitely didn't need to involve anyone else.

Well, Kagome could nap with him if she wanted.

Rest was good for her ankle.

"I should check on Kagome," Sango whispered.

"Let them sleep," Kaede said lowly. "Breakfast is not done, and there is no need to wake Kagome."

"And Inuyasha?"

There was a long pause, and he could envision Kaede staring at Sango.

"Inuyasha has been awake for some time."

"How do you know?"

"His youki has been flaring all morning and most of the night," Miroku said with a yawn. "It's been quite annoying."

"Wouldn't that have kept Kagome awake?"

"Doubtful," Miroku answered. "It was probably more of a comfort than an annoyance to her."

"It is strange how interconnected his youki and her reiki are," Kaede mused. "I have not seen anything like it before."

Another moment of silence passed, and Inuyasha realized that he should probably get up so that the two idiots didn't blabber out something that he didn't want out there.

He rose up, gently removing his arm from underneath Kagome. He carefully lifted her head, feeling the silkiness of her hair between his fingers. Tugging the small cushion fully under her head, he let her rest against it.

Her nose crinkled just a bit before she relaxed again.

Staring at her for just a moment more—she was his after all—he rose to his feet and walked out.

"Ah, just the person we were talking about."

"I know," he said, glaring at them from the doorway, "you idiots aren't exactly quiet."

"Aye, but we cannot help those large sheets for ears ye have."

Inuyasha leveled a glare at Kaede.

"I am surprised ye are willing to leave Kagome in the other room alone. Ye have been quite attached to each other as of late."

He snorted at that, but didn't answer, sitting down on the cushion closest to the doorway.

She was still asleep, which was good. She needed some sleep after everything. He knew that she was still tired after the previous Kikyo encounter, and this one didn't help anything either.

But at least she knew that it was over—for good.

Maybe he should take her through the well.

"And?" Kaede prodded. "Ye have nothing to say to this."

"Like I'm going to leave her alone to get fucking kidnapped again. We still don't know who's behind this and who's going to come at us next."

"I have my thoughts on that matter," Miroku said, with a grim face. "Kagome has been the primary target of all the attacks recently, and I only know of one who would desire her dead above anything else."

"You think it's Naraku?" Sango asked, staring at the fire as she ran her fingers through Kirara's fur.

Miroku nodded, staring at the fire.

"It's the simplest answer," he said. "Using Kikyo and Kouga against Kagome like he is, he's trying to ensure we can't purify the jewel. If Kagome—If something happened to Kagome," Inuyasha's claws gripped the fire rat fabric of his sleeve tightly, "we'd never be able to purify the jewel. Kaede and I are strong, but we're nowhere near her level, especially not now."

"Aye, Kagome is far stronger than anyone else I've ever seen."

Inuyasha knew all that. He knew that she was the strongest priestess on either side of the well. Kikyo had been no joke, and she had been strong and trained. Kagome could easily blow her out of the water without any training on any given day. A fact that had never really escaped him.

"Naraku has never targeted any of us like this before. It's been one thing right after another."

"Perhaps he's realized that Kagome is ye's biggest strength, and ye's biggest weakness."

Kaede's lone eye focused on him.

She didn't even know the half of it.

And the thought of losing Kagome in any fashion made his chest twinge and his hackles raise. He fought the urge to go stretch his body out over hers to ensure her warmth and safety.

"Kagome has always been strong," Sango pointed out.

"Yes, but I would wager that Naraku has found what he's needed this whole time and is putting his plan into motion."

"And you think getting rid of Kagome is step one?"

"It is one of the early ones, aye," Kaede said with a slow nod. Inuyasha didn't like this. It made the present feel too heavy. He'd only just gotten her to understand how he felt—couldn't he have like one fucking day of happiness before the world crushed it?

It didn't matter. He'd shove her down the well before he lost her again. He'd die lonely before she ever did.

He wasn't going to lose her to anything, least of all Naraku of all people.

"Kagome is the only real way to cripple Inuyasha, and Inuyasha is the one real threat to him."

Inuyasha said nothing, but he knew that Kaede was right.

Kagome was the one shining pillar in his life, and he'd do anything to protect it.

Especially now.

He wasn't going to take a chance that anything would happen to her.

Kagome made a noise in the other room, and Inuyasha turned his head slightly to listen, waiting to see if she did anything else.

"However, ye need Kagome to defeat Naraku, ye know that?"

"I know that," Inuyasha snapped out.

"Just wanted to make sure ye didn't shove her back down the well again," she said, taking a sip of her tea.

Inuyasha glared at her with enough effort to conjure his own fox fire, but the old woman continued to exist much to his dismay.

"I'm not going to send her away," he stated, hearing Kagome stir to wakefulness, and he rose up and returned into the storage room, kneeling down in front of her.

Her eyes blinked open, and she slowly focused on him.

"Morning," she mumbled with a smile on her face. Inuyasha felt one creeping up on his own face.

"Morning," he said, reaching out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear.

"Is it late?" She asked, shifting to sit up, and he slipped an arm behind her to help support her as she moved.

"No, they're just finishing up cooking breakfast," he said, already picking her up from the bedding and carrying her out to the main room.

"Good morning, Kagome," Sango said, rising to her feet. "We've got a little bit before breakfast if you'd like to go freshen up?"

"Oh, that would be great!" She turned to look up at him.

"I'll take you," he said before she even opened her mouth to ask, and he refused do anything at the smile that lit up her face while nosy idiots were watching.

"I'll grab your bag," Sango said, walking into the little room and picking up the small tote that held Kagome's—girly things.

She said they were necessary, but he didn't see why. However, he wasn't going to deny her what clearly made her happy.

He walked out with Kagome, heading towards the river, while Sango stopped to chat with Kaede.

"Shouldn't we wait for Sango?" Kagome asked.

"She'll catch up. She knows where the river is."

Inuyasha marched off towards the river, leaving Sango behind.

She was a big girl, and it wasn't like where they were going was a secret.

And why should he wait for Sango? She was just going to make him leave so Kagome could 'get ready' or whatever it was that she did there. So why shouldn't he go on ahead so they could have a minute to themselves outside the ears of nosy ass people?

Kagome didn't say anything, but she stared up at him as he walked them both to the river.

"What?" He asked, irritated that she wasn't talking.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," he told her, setting her down on a rock near the river and kneeling in front of her.

"Someone should worry about you though," she said, gently pressing her hand to his cheek. He closed his eyes, stilling everything to just let her touch him.

He sighed, leaning into her hand. She was warm, even in the cool air of the morning, and it made him happy.

She was his.

That made him happier.

His hand came up and rested on her knee as she rubbed his ear with her free hand, and he realized that this had been what he'd wanted the whole time.

It wasn't the jewel. It wasn't being a full demon or even a full human. He just wanted a life. He wanted a place to live and to belong. He wanted to have someone and to be someone's.

And now that he had it, he was going to fight like hell to keep it.

He turned his head up to look at her, and she smiled down at him, and—she was beautiful, and somehow she still managed to love him even though he was a complete asshole.

"You couldn't wait for me?" Sango said as she came through the brush with a huff.

Inuyasha stood up suddenly—mostly out of reflex, because getting caught with a hanyou boded well to no one.

But more importantly anything could've come up behind them, and he was so distracted that he never would have noticed.

"Why were you taking so long?" He snapped back, and Sango dropped the bag on the ground.

"Would you just leave before I hit something with you?" Sango said, and he glanced over at Kagome, who just smiled up at him.

"Yell when you're done," he told her, all edge and irritation out of his voice. She nodded, and he turned to Sango. "And don't fuck up her ankle!"

Sango made a face, and he stalked off to the woods.

"He's such a jerk," Sango muttered. "I don't know how you put up with him."

"It's not hard," Kagome answered, and Inuyasha grinned.

A little quick perimeter run wouldn't hurt anything.

He darted around the woods, making a circle wide enough that he wouldn't be considered peeping.

Not that he didn't want to, but he didn't want to be accused of it either.

He heard Kagome call his name after a couple cursory laps, and he leapt towards where they were, landing in front of Kagome.

"Ready?" He asked, and she nodded as he swept her up in his arms, starting back towards the hut.

Kagome looked like she was in a good mood as Sango walked beside them.

"Did you want to go to the hot spring today?" He asked her, trying to appear casual and not like he hadn't been thinking of ways to make her smile the whole time he'd been making loops around the both of them.

"That would be amazing!" She turned to Sango. "Do you want to go, Sango?"

"That sounds heavenly," she said, nodding. "I really hope that we get a few days of rest here. It would be nice to not be on the run from something for a little bit."

Kagome hummed at that, and Inuyasha glanced down at her to make sure she was okay. She looked like she was, but he had a sneaking feeling that she wasn't saying what she was really thinking.

And that usually meant that she felt guilty about something. However, now was not the time to delve into what was making her feel guilty. He could drag her off after her bath and make sure she understood that all the bullshit was not her fault in any capacity.

They returned to the hut, and he sat her down on a cushion, making sure that she got a full bowl of food from Kaede. Plopping down on the cushion next to her, he waited for her to start eating before he ate his own.

"It's been a little bit since you've gone home," Miroku said. "Were you considering going through the well while we're here?"

Kagome sighed.

"I should, but I haven't really gotten any of my reading or assignments done. I'm so far behind."

"It ain't like you've been ignoring it," Inuyasha quickly pointed out. "Shit's been happening."

"No, I know, but when I'm behind like this, it's just really hard to catch up." She let out a sigh again. "Maybe we can go back after the hot springs?"

She looked over at him like she was asking permission to go home.

"Ain't like I've got plans."

"You'll come with me, right?" She asked, looking over at him.

"What? And stay with these idiots?" He thrust a thumb over to where Sango and Miroku sat, purposefully ignoring Sango's scoff of indignation.

Like he was going to let her go back to her time alone! Injured!

Not to mention, he very clearly remembered the hurt she had at being 'sent away' the last time he'd taken her back to heal. Everyone had said that she needed to go back, and turned out they were wrong and he was right. He should've stayed with her. Fuck everyone else and just done what he thought was right.

There was also the point that he might have a moment to explain what exactly she was to him. How important. How necessary she was to his existence.

But Kagome merely smiled and continued eating her breakfast.

"I guess I'll have a real excuse this time to take my exams later, huh?" She said, wiggling her ankle a bit.

"You heard the old woman. You need to rest."

Kagome sighed.

"I suppose that it would be for the best if I just stayed home and focused on all the work that I'm behind on."

Inuyasha practically vibrated at the idea of Kagome actually staying home and just being able to sit and watch her do whatever it was that she did.

Yeah, it was usually boring as shit, but she would be there, and maybe, just maybe they could have a conversation that didn't involve prying ears.

He just wanted her happy, and he knew that this thing and all the work that she put into it would make her happy in the long run, so he'd suffer through it. He'd been through worse. It wasn't like she was asking him to take a hand through the gut again.

It was just waiting. He'd waited this long to have her, and now that he did, he could wait a lifetime more, if it meant that she was happy.

Kagome smiled as she talked to Sango, and he stared at her for a beat, watching her face shine as she smiled and ate her breakfast without a reminder from him.

Inuyasha was positive that this is what love felt like.

After breakfast, the girls decided to spend the rest of the morning lounging around the hot springs and letting Kagome's ankle soak before she went back.

"Just so we're clear," Sango said, a finger pointing towards his face, "You are not invited to the hot springs."

He sneered at the finger, knocking it away.

"I'm going." His statement was plain, matter of fact. He was not about to let Kagome go cavorting about without him. "You don't like it? Then we can fight about it. But if I'm not going, she's not going."

"Sango, it's not that big of a deal, and Inuyasha will make sure that no one is going to bother us, right?" Kagome asked, looking up at him with these giant eyes to which he could only respond to with a nod.

Inuyasha knew that he was immune to her reiki, but he was sure that there was still some power she had that she used against him, because no one should be able to make him so willing and eager to obey and agree to whatever she asked of him.

But maybe that was part of it.

Kagome would never use or abuse him, and he knew that.

Kagome was safe.

"See?" Kagome said, turning back to Sango. "Nothing to worry about."

She patted his leg as he stood there, and she remained on her cushion.

Sango huffed a glare at him, but she didn't make any further remarks as she packed up their bags for the hot springs.

"When we get back, I'll help you get everything put away for when you go home."

"Thanks, Sango," Kagome said, her face beaming. "You're really okay coming with us for a while, right?" She asked, turning towards him, and he squatted down in front of her.

"I already told you, where you go, I go." He jabbed a finger at her, and then at himself.

"Yeah, but I don't want you to be bored." She reached out and grabbed his hand and curled her fingers around his, dragging his hand towards her.

"It's fine, Kagome."

Even if it wasn't fine, with her looking at him like that, he'd make it so that it was, in fact, fine.

She seemed to accept his answer without further pleading—and it was sooner rather than later that he was picking her up and carrying her out of Kaede's hut.

"See you there," he called over his shoulder as he took off, not bothering to listen to Sango's complaints about his inability to wait.

It wasn't that he was anxious to leave—it was that he was anxious to have a couple of minutes alone with Kagome where there weren't prying eyes and peeping ears.

He hadn't felt this weightless in a very long time. Years—decades even—of loneliness had pressed down on him, and yeah, the world was still shit, and somehow the people were even shittier, but there was a ray of shining light, and now, he had it.

He had Kagome, who was the one bright thing that belonged to him and him alone. No one else would have her, because she loved him, and he would burn the world away to make her happy.

It didn't take him long to reach the hot springs, well ahead of Sango and Kirara.

Inuyasha ducked just inside the tree line and set Kagome down, keeping his hands on her waist to keep her steady.

"What're we—!" She didn't say much else as Inuyasha pressed his lips firmly against hers. He thought that maybe she'd be upset, but her hands gripped his haori and tugged him closer when he started to pull away.

And really? Who was he to deny her what she wanted?

Kagome was the one to pull away, just enough to breathe but not much else. A muscle twitch could have his lips on hers again, and somehow, he didn't think that he'd ever get tired of kissing her.

"So that's why you were in such a hurry to leave?"

He felt the heat start under his skin and spread up his face.

"What if it was?" Was all he managed to choke out, unable to look directly at her.

Kagome giggled, and the heat rose until he was sure it looked like he'd been the one soaking the hot water.

Sango landed a moment later, and they both shifted apart and looked over at her as she slipped off Kirara in a huff.

"Would it kill you to wait?" She asked, taking the bags off Kirara's back and putting them next to the springs.

"Maybe it would!" He snapped back, as Kagome laughed. His ears flicked back at her, as he glared Sango down.

"Well, could you put Kagome by the spring so she doesn't hurt her ankle even more?"

Inuyasha huffed, sending a glare at Sango. Like he'd let her walk and hurt herself. Who was she acting like Inuyasha didn't know how to take care of her? There was a slight tug on his haori and he found himself looking down at a genuinely smiling Kagome.

"You ready?" He asked, and she nodded, still grinning.

Scooping her up, he walked her back to the edge of the hot spring and set her on a rock.

Letting his hands linger just a little bit longer than necessary was all the invitation she needed to loop her fingers around his.

"Just yell if you need me, got it?" He told her.

"Okay." Her voice was soft as she nodded as he felt his face grow hot again. He hesitated for just a moment and then leaned away from her, resisting the urge to topple the both of them back into the simmering water and holding onto her until the world ended.

Before he could do anything stupid, he leapt up into the trees and ran.

A/N: Happy Thursday!

It's been a hot minute, and sorry. Even this week feels like it's been pitted against me. I had an extra four hours of professional development because I'm *new*; I've restarted my physical therapy, and it was also the anniversary of my brother's death. And then today, I had no water until like 6:30pm, and the city was irritated that I was calling to find out a repair time. (They literally hung up on me when I told them my neighborhood the first time.)

So yeah, I managed to squeeze this one out somehow. Don't know how I managed it, but I did.

At least I have kittens that feel the need to relentlessly cuddle. Which is the complete opposite of a problem.