Chapter 10

I am so fucking sorry for the long wait. Writer's block is kind of kicking my ass right now.

Travis nodded. "23 seemed to have made her a better firefighter." "It did, Trav. I just wish she would've gotten a chance to be the captain here." Vic said, leaning against Travis as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "I hate this, Travis," Vic told him, voice cracking. "Things are never going to be the same without her."

S19S19S19S19S19S19S19S19S19S19

Robert went home after finding out that Andy was dead. He was on autopilot, he lost his family. He lost his first wife. He lost his best friend. And now he lost his second wife. He walked into the house, locked the door behind him and then went to walk upstairs but saw a picture of him and Andy from their wedding day. He never had the heart to throw it away. It made him tear up and he reached out to grab it and continued the walk upstairs. Robert got to his bedroom and got changed and sat down on the edge of his bed, looking down at the picture. Andy was stunning in that dress. Robert thought with a smile on his face.

Robert thought back to when he first joined the station. How Jack and Andy were his lieutenants and after working with Andy on that lost child call he just knew she would be a handful. He chuckled when he thought about when he stood up to him during the PD/FD training session on the anniversary of the death of Claire.

Maya was getting berated by Sullivan when Andy interrupted.

"We heard you, captain."

"Herrera, this doesn't concern you and…"

"it does, actually. We're teaching the basics on dummies today. This is an exercise. It doesn't count. Not enough to be singling Bishop out all day in front of the chief."

"Herrera…"

"You want to yell at me, go ahead. I deserve it. I'm picking a fight with my commanding officer right now, but don't kick Bishop around, not when she doesn't deserve it, not when she's one of the very best people you've got, and you have no business making It look otherwise."

Robert shook his head out of the memory and went to his bedroom to get changed. Robert sighed and sat on his bed after getting changed into some shorts. He was overwhelmed with more memories of Andy.

"You want to go again? No way. I can't." Andy told him, lying on the gym floor, tired from the sit-ups he was making her do.

"Oh, come on, Herrera. 10 more and you get to pick what we do next. Huh?"

"Why…"

"One," Robert counted.

"Are you torturing me? Don't you have other workout buddies?

"Two. Well, I was boxing with Warren until I punched him." Robert told her.

"Well, you need more friends," Andy told him as she was continuing to do more sit-ups.

"I got you. You're my friend. That's big for me." Robert told her, a serious look on his face, almost offended.

"Because you're not a very friendly person?" Andy asked.

"Yes, I am. When I want to be." Robert told Andy and she laughed as she got up, done with the sit-ups. "Come on. Come on where? You said I get to pick what we do next. I pick you coming with me, for hydrant inspections." Andy told him.

"You know, captains don't do hydrant inspections," Robert told her, standing up and looking at her.

"Not usually, that's true. But I want the company."

Robert chuckled. "You know, that's abuse. Of our friendship."

"Mm, yeah, you're probably right. We leave in 15." Andy told him, walking out of the room and leaving behind a smiling Robert.

Robert chuckled at the memory, but it also turned sour when he realized that was the day he lost Lucas. He lay back on the bed and closed his eyes. He loved Andy. He loved her so much, but they had both screwed up the relationship and he understood that. He just wished they could have worked through their issues.

"You have a minute?" Robert asked, walking towards where Andy was, which happened to be spotting Theo on the bench press.

"I'm spotting," Andy told him, paying more attention to Theo than him.

"Yeah, I can see that," Robert said back.

"Maybe next time, call before you just show up where I work," Andy said, not wanting to deal with Robert right now.

"It's been 10 months. How long do you expect me to wait for you to have a conversation?" Robert asked.

"I don't expect anything from you at all," Andy told him as Theo sat up.

"You know, I can just wait," Theo said and got up.

"That would be great. Thanks, man."

"Yeah, okay. I'll just…" Theo said, rushing out of the awkward moment.

"We're married. We took vows. I take them seriously. And you're couch surfing for almost a year?

"I have a lot of good friends who are loyal to me and enjoy having me around. It hasn't been a hardship."

"You're not a teenager, Andy! And I'm not your father. You don't just run away!" Robert said, getting frustrated.

"No, I didn't run. I walked." Andy told him, beginning to lift some weights.

"So how come you haven't filed for divorce yet?" Andy stopped and looked at Robert, sighing.

"Because you love me, and I've been waiting because I love you." Robert gently cupped her cheek. "The phoenix rises from the ashes of its own demise. We can rise." Robert told her but Andy closed her eyes and started to speak while taking his hand off of her cheek.

"I work at a station where I'm the only woman. I work at a station where no one does their laundry often enough, and everything, including dinner, smells like feet. I work at a station that is not my home. My job is just a job now. You did that." Andy told him.

"I did not do that. You did that." Robert told her, pissed that Andy still thought he was to blame for Maya being demoted and her being transferred.

"If that's what you still think, then we aren't a phoenix, Robert." Andy paused. "We're just a pile of ash." Andy finished and walked away.

He had been heartbroken after that. He knew he shouldn't have offered himself up for captain, but he also knew that no matter what he said now, he couldn't take it back.

Robert sat up and went to his bathroom and was brought back to the first time Andy had ever been to his house.

As soon as Robert opened the door she started speaking

"I don't wanna fight anymore." Andy started "I don't wanna fight my dad. I don't wanna fight you. I am so tired, and sad and sick of being angry. And I, I just want to feel and to be in a safe place. And I don't know why or how, and I, I can't explain it, but you're the safest place I have, and everything would be okay for the first time in a really long time if you would just start kissing me now, so…"

Robert leans in and pulls Andy into a kiss, and they go into his house and close the door behind them

Robert had heard the knock and rushed out of the bathroom to open the door. He was so glad he did. He was so happy that even though he was struggling, he had some light in his life with Andy. He thought about how from then on he had someone there for him. Even without knowing the whole story, how he had OD'd, Andy was still there for him.

"You okay?" Andy asked, walking up to Robert near one of the trucks. "I didn't realize you were dealing with so much."

"I get by." Robert told her shortly.

"And that's what I'm afraid of." Andy said, turning to look at Robert, concern etched on her face

"Look. I'm fine." Robert told her, trying to brush her off.

"I'm here to help," Andy told him. Looking into Robert's eyes.

"You're helping," Robert told her, nodding at Andy and walking away.

It meant so much to Robert that Andy was willing to help him. The way he had hurt Andy was something that weighed heavily on him. Robert was glad she was able to get past his stupidity after the wildfire. He was so happy that he had one part of his life that was going well. Even if his career and health were shit, he still had his dream woman.

Robert felt his eyes well up.

Andy had seen Robert sitting on top of a fire truck when she was walking through the barn and went up to join him and rested a hand on his back.

"I was so desperate for a promotion that I was gonna try and stop Miller's lawsuit, which is the best shot we have at anything changing."

Andy sighed "Robert…"

"This demotion has been humbling. It's been humbling, and I've had so many dark thoughts. Sometimes, I doubt my own… my own goodness."

"No one is just good. We- We make mistakes, and we learn from them, and we do better next time. That's how goodness works. It's not about purity. It's about- It's about growth. - Andy looked around the station, making sure no one was around before leaning in to kiss Robert.

Another time he was extremely grateful for Andy. She had his back and helped him when he was feeling down.

"He's one of the good ones, both as a human and a firefighter. And I've seen a lot of people who are terrible at both."

"Robert Sullivan lost his parents in a plane crash, and he still became the high school valedictorian. He lost his wife in an accident, and he still climbed the ladder to battalion chief."

Robert felt a tear drop down his cheek and quickly wiped it away. He was so happy that Andy and everyone else, except for Dean, were on his side and trying to help him keep his job. He was grateful for the whole team and felt like he really became part of the station 19 family at that moment.

The morning after Andy's attack she had been sitting at the beanery table looking numb again when Robert comes behind her with a coffee

"Please don't ask me if I'm okay" Andy had asked, eyes closed.

"Oh, I wouldn't dare. I've seen what you can do to a windpipe." Robert said, putting the coffee cup on the table, raising his hand

"My mother was the one who insisted that I take self-defence classes. Nothing official just…. snuffy would teach me every day after school. Like, for years, up until I graduated high school." Andy explained to Robert.

"I'm glad she did. Who knows what would have happened if you didn't have that muscle memory."

"I think something happened to her. Like an assault or something." Andy pauses and shakes her head, trying to get her thoughts together "She taught me to hit the guy back, because maybe sh- maybe she couldn't." Andy had told him, furrowing her eyebrows.

"If you could do it over, would you do it differently?"

Andy shook her head "No."

"Good. Because he's the bad guy. You're not. He's the bad guy." Robert told her, trying to make sure Andy heard and understood him.

Andy turned to him with teary eyes and just nodded. Andy grabbed his hand and then leaned into him a couple of seconds later. She turned to face him and initiated a hug. Robert put an arm around her back. Robert and Andy hugged for several seconds.

Robert thought back to that as one of the moments that cemented Andy as the strongest woman he knew. She had been through hell and back in a short amount of time but still felt comfortable enough to seek comfort. Robert was glad he was able to provide that to her. He liked that he was able to be her safe place. In or out of a relationship.

Robert sighed, brushed his teeth and then went back to bed, crawling in under the covers this time. He turned his bedside light off and looked through pictures of him and Andy, tears dropping from his eyes with every picture seen.

"Andy? Andy!" Robert called out, trying to find his wife.

"Are you okay?" Robert asked.

"The explosion… I think I'm okay." Andy told him. "Wait, did you run inside alone? Without backup? Are you crazy?" Andy asked, shocked that he could be so careless.

"You can be as mad at me as you want to be when we're safe," Robert told her, helping her up.

"Okay, but there's gonna be so much yelling and cursing," Andy told him.

Robert chuckled. Andy was pissed at him in a dangerous situation. Now that he thought about it, they never got the chance to have that argument.

Robert sighed. He was going to miss having Andy around so much. After almost two years of not being at 19, she was finally back but now she was dead.

She would never become captain. Something Pruitt wanted for her.

She would never take over as Battalion Chief. Something Pruitt wanted for her.

She would never become Chief of the entire department. Something Pruitt wanted for her.

Robert's heart broke. Andy's career was back on track, but she didn't even get a chance to be promoted to her dream job because she was shot. Of all the situations, Robert had in his head of Andy dying, her getting shot by a cop while defending a young adult, was not one that he had thought of.

That cop would pay for what he did.

So, I'm slightly back. I'll try to update other stories if I ever get over my writer's block.