Not a Dream
Opening my eyes, I tried to withdraw from the growing light outside, yet a force compelled me to stay put. Pinning my arm in place was Emily still curled up next to me. The wild girl had developed the kick of a horse! But honestly, I wouldn't be anywhere else. I had feared that in my absence she might forget me or that I would lose the love I felt for the girl, but I was happy to know such thoughts were foolish. I was her daddy and Emily was my little girl.
"Oh good, you're up." Bella said from the closet as she got dressed.
A delectable scent filled my nostrils as I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. "Smells like someone has bacon on."
"Yeah, pretty sure that's Rocky."
I stopped and thought about all the ways that could go wrong. "Since when is Rocky allowed in the kitchen?"
"Since I started taking care of your daughter and sister single-handedly." Bella retorted, some of the frustration from last night coming back into her voice.
"Hey, from what I can tell Riley is plenty capable, and what's this 'your daughter' business? She's yours too."
"Yeah… she is." Bella said, smiling at Emily before kissing the girl on the forehead. "It's just that… well, ever since Thomas…"
"Oh Bella," I said, finally slipping my arm out from under the girl and getting up to hug my wife. "Is that what this whole thing last night was about?"
"What? No. Absolutely not! Oh no, you and I need to have a long discussion about leaving me out of important decisions. I just… well, I thought we'd have children of our own."
"We do, though. Two of them now." I said turning back to look at our daughter as she finally stirred from her slumber. "True, you didn't birth them, but other than that I can't find a difference." I suspected Bella wasn't being completely open to what was bothering her, but it was early and I had only just gotten back.
"Hey, I can tell by your face that you've been working at least as hard as me for the last two years."
"Is my face really starting to age already?"
"That's not what I meant at all." I said, laughing slightly. "But you're still as beautiful today as you were the first time we met. No, what I mean is why don't I handle the kids today while you try to enjoy Kansas City?"
"Are you sure you can handle two kids?"
"Oh please, Rocky is far more dangerous. And I managed to raise my sister despite working in a mine. Besides, I need to connect with both of them." I said as Emily sat up.
"It wasn't a dream!" She said, bolting out of bed and hugging me around the hips.
"What do you mean, sweetie?" I asked, crouching down and picking her up.
"You're really back!" She said, hugging me again, this time around the neck.
"Of course I'm back, Emily. And guess what? You and I are going to do something fun today. And you'll get to know your brother a lot more too."
"What are we doing?" She asked, eyes gleaming in the morning light.
"Well first we gotta get dressed, kid. And then I guess Uncle Rocky is cooking for us."
"I love it when he cooks!" She said, excitedly. I was somewhat perplexed.
"His food is edible?" I whispered to Bella who giggled before kissing me on the cheek.
"Oh Ethan, you've missed a lot."
"And after breakfast, then what?" Emily asked.
"I… I guess we better see what your uncles have planned. But I'm sure it'll be fun and not hazardous in any way…"
"Of course it's pancakes." I said, shaking my head as Rocky stacked them high on a big plate for everybody.
"Don't knock it until you try it, Ethan!" Rocky said with a satisfactory smile on his face.
"Oh, I love pancakes as much as the next person. It's just that you didn't know how to make anything beyond a ham sandwich when I left."
"I couldn't let the kids starve, now, could I? Besides, with the violin not pulling in any money and without work… well, let's just say I had a lot of time recently to add to my already vast skillset."
"Let's see, he plays violin, lights things on fire, drives fast, writes poetry…" Freckle butted in as he tended to his boy in the high chair. I was astonished to see how much both of his kids had grown.
"My God, I'll need to get a closer look at Daniel after breakfast. He's like a clone of Rocky!" I said. Freckle wasn't amused.
"Please don't say that. I think I can only handle one Rocky at a time."
"Oh please, bask in my brilliance, cousin!" Rocky said as he revealed a customized, mouth-watering sandwich made out of the extra bits from cooking all stacked between two slices of toast.
"Well, you're not all bad." Freckle said before turning back to helping Danny eat. Ivy then came in with Mary who insisted on climbing into the chair herself. Ivy rolled her eyes before finding a couple of books for her to sit on.
While doing that, she also looked at all the food Rocky made. "I, for one, am quite grateful that Rocky learned a few helpful things like how to cook. You've got no idea how much that's helped us, Ethan." She said before sitting down and wiping syrup off of Daniel's face.
"I'm just grateful we've got all this food at our disposal." Bella added before sitting down. By now the table was getting quite full. "A lot of families can't afford even the flour needed to make this stuff."
"Which is all the more reason to eat. Come on, people, I want to see jaws chewing!" Rocky said, hanging up his apron. "And I need to go get the boy up."
"It took a minute, but he came willingly." Riley said as she pulled two boys behind her. Joseph was still trying to slip his belt on while William rubbed his eyes and looked around at the table. Riley too looked around and it occurred to her that there were only two more seats available. "Oh, it looks like we're tight on space."
"Nonsense, come sit down." Bella said, moving over for Riley and Joseph. I leaned over and plucked William up off the ground.
"Good morning, son. Look what Uncle Rocky made for breakfast!" I said, gesturing to the table as I balanced him on my lap. "Did you sleep alright?"
"Yeah." Was all he said, though I could tell he was both impressed with the food available and hungry.
"We'll find you your own chair soon enough, but for the moment go ahead and dig in from my plate."
I had to take in the view. Only eight short years ago it was Riley and me. But now we had an entire clan at the table with us. Rocky and Joseph, the McMurrays were going to be five strong pretty soon if the bump in Ivy's belly was any indicator. And my wife, children, and sister added five more. A dozen people around a table all eating together. I had to keep myself from crying right there on the spot. The fact that I had missed so much of this was like a stake through the heart, but if I hadn't then I wouldn't have found my son and even after such a short time together I couldn't bear to not have him here.
Concept of a Plan
"So, a half breed." Freckle said while we sat around the living room. The ladies were out back watching the children while us boys planned out the day.
"Yeah, William is half Blackfeet." I confirmed.
"And his mother was a prostitute?" Reuben added, lighting up a cigarette. "I didn't think you to be the type."
"I'm not." I said, flatly. "Like I was explaining to Rocky and Bella last night, Roselyn is a friend of the family. She was actually in love with Derrick before we shipped off for Europe, and it took us both nearly a decade before finally doing the deed." I explained.
"It was probably the smart thing to do to not bring her out here." Freckle added. "I'm not sure your wife would have approved."
"You're telling me. She isn't exactly approving of William either, although I hope I can turn that around really quick."
"I'm not going to lie to you, Ethan." Reuben said. "The fact that he's half Indian isn't going to help you much. A lot of the school districts here wouldn't even let him learn there."
He was right. The further west someone went, the more hostility they could observe toward natives. I personally didn't understand it, but my own parents were immigrants I didn't have the roots that some families out here do. "Well, I'm hoping I can get him enrolled at the local school. Even if he's half Blackfeet, William is still my son."
"It's probably for the best we don't mention his heritage." Rocky said after getting done in the kitchen.
"Surely people wouldn't treat him too harshly, would they?" Freckle asked.
"You haven't been out west like I have, cousin. But I for one can keep a secret and I hope you and our newest racing patron can keep it quiet."
"Oh please, Rocky. I've kept plenty of secrets. But I agree. That boy will be better off if people don't know who his mother is." Reuben said.
It felt dirty, but I could see the necessity in it. I was just happy to know I could count on my family to not turn their backs on him. "Right, from here on we don't talk about Roselyn in polite company."
"It's for the best, Ethan." Reuben said. "My own dear Effie is a subject I can only broach with family for close friends."
"Anyway…" Rocky decided it was time to change the subject. "We'll need to leave tomorrow morning if we're to get back to St. Louis with the farm truck in time to pick everyone else up off the train."
"Well that's disappointing, I was looking forward to seeing more of the city." Freckle said.
"Yeah, and I've desperately missed playing with Emily." I added.
Rocky's eyes then lit up, signaling to Freckle and I an incoming idea. "Oh no…" Freckle muttered.
"Ethan, why don't you take Emily and William back with us?!" Rocky said.
"Rocky, what if that heap of junk, we call a truck breaks down?" I said.
"Then we camp for a while." Rocky replied.
"I don't know…"
"Look at it this way; you want to reconnect with your daughter and get to know your son, right? You know how I connected with Joseph? By taking him out camping or exploring in nature. We had to learn to trust each other."
"Maybe with just William, but Emily is a little young…"
"Oh please, Freckle was younger than her when we started going places. Remember the swimming hole, cousin?"
"Unfortunately…" Freckle said, a shuddering at the thought of all that wildlife waiting to maul them any time they went. "But Rocky does make a good point, Ethan. It's not like all of us can't handle a couple of kids."
"True, I have to remind myself you're both more experienced at this parenting thing than me now." I said, referencing Freckle's children and Joseph. "And I guess it would help to avoid the inevitable tears when I have to leave Emily with Bella and Riley. I don't think she understands the concept yet that I can go away and come back."
"Yeah, and besides…" Rocky slid next to me, putting an arm around my shoulder. "The ladies need a break. I swear, they work harder than us."
"They probably do, considering none of us have jobs right now." Freckle said. "Just bring the kids with, Ethan. You know they're in good hands with all three of us."
"Yeah, I guess. And what's the plan with this race car?" I asked, turning to look at Rocky.
"Plan?" Rocky asked, looking quizzical.
"Yeah, plan." I confirmed. "You want to race that thing, but you haven't tested it."
"Then there's the modifications, re-registering with the local racing leagues, finding sponsors—"
"Whoa, back up a second. You guys don't even have sponsors?" I said in disbelief. Reuben too was concerned.
"Ivy failed to mention that little bit of information."
"Everyone relax…" Rocky said, brushing off our concern with his own carefree attitude. "It doesn't cost that much to race. We'll simply be an independent team until I… I mean, we win enough races that sponsors will be tripping over themselves to give us money."
"That's… not how that works. At all." Freckle said. "And you've got to drive us to victory for this to work."
"Alright, fine! I haven't thought of every detail yet. The plan is more like… well, a concept of a plan. I just need a couple of days on the road to figure things out."
"Wow, and here I thought the job market looked hopeless." I said, rubbing my eyes. "So, what about today?"
"I was thinking we should go to this." Rocky said, pulling out the morning paper. In the B column were all the betting odds of the day's race in town.
"We're going to a race track?" I asked, not sure if Emily would like it.
"Just for an hour or two, then we can do whatever!" Rocky said. "And Mr. Pepper here can put some money down on the winning cars if he wants to."
"I guess I can spare a few dollars. Ivy wanted to be with her brother and sister today though."
"Let them go shopping!" Rocky added. "I'm sure they'll be thrilled to not have the kids for the day."
"At least that plan is more reasonable." Freckle said, standing up. "Let's go get the kids ready, Ethan."
Need for Speed
The deafening roar of the engines rang through poor William's ears. A chorus of low notes got quieter and then came back with a thunderous vengeance, increasing in pitch before dropping low as the cars flew past. He pulled his ears down in an attempt to block out some of the sound. In all his seven years he had never heard something so loud. Just then, two hands gently made their way around his ribcage. A strong force lifted the boy up until his head came to a rest on his father's shoulder.
Noticing my son's discomfort, I picked him up and then motioned for Emily to follow. Without a free hand, she instead grasped my tail as we made our way back from the side wall to a place further up in the stands where the noise wasn't so unbearable. Poor Freckle had his hands full with Daniel who was bawling from the noise, though Mary kept her calm. Neither of us were particularly pleased with Rocky.
"Christ, Rocky, do we have to sit so close?" I said.
"Yeah, this is going to give us all hearing loss!" Freckle shouted over the noise.
"Huh, I didn't think they'd be that much louder than the midget racers." Rocky said to himself in what must have been a defense against his decision making. We couldn't blame it all on our brother and cousin though, the tin roof above the stands amplified the noise well beyond what it would be otherwise.
"Rocky, we got to sit someplace else." Freckle said, turning around and going back down the stairs. I quickly followed after, leaving a frustrated Rocky behind.
"That was loud!" Emily said, rubbing her ears and shouting far louder than appropriate.
"Too loud, daddy!" Mary said.
"I know, dear." Freckle said, pointing us to a much better spot.
"Come on, guys! We need to observe the competition!" Rocky said as he and Joseph ran to catch up.
"Rocky, you are more than welcome to sit in that tin can they call a stadium, but we're not bringing the kids back in there. Now, is there a place we can sit that doesn't sound like the inside of a thunderstorm?"
"Fine, how about those trees then?" Rocky said, pointing at a set of oak trees that stood tall just outside curve three.
"Better." Freckle said. Soon we were all settled in for the show and Daniel had stopped crying.
"Better, indeed." I said, daughter on my left and son on my right." Neither were particularly interested in the race though.
"Dad, can we go play over there?" Emily said, tugging my sleeve and pointing at a small grove of oaks behind us.
"Can we?" Mary asked Freckle, who seemed hesitant. I made the decision for them.
"Alright, you can go play over there, but stay where we can see you, alright? And why don't you take William with you?" I suggested.
"But—" William tried to protest, but I insisted.
"Hey, we've been stuck on a train for half a week and you're in a new place. Let the girls show you around for a little while." I said.
"Come on, William!" Emily said, taking her new brother's hand while Mary brought up the rear.
"Okay…" William said as he was quickly pulled by the younger girl. We watched as the trio went off to explore the little patch of wood, Rocky and myself confident they'd be alright. Freckle was a bit more anxious, however.
"One of us should watch them." He suggested.
"Fine. Joseph, could you—"
"On it, Dad!" Joseph said, getting up and scrambling after them, excited to be given some kind of responsibility and a chance to prove his maturity.
"Suitable, cousin?" Rocky asked.
Freckle nodded his head, relieved. He leaned back against the tree while Daniel played with his bowtie.
"Here, I want to see the little guy." I said, reaching out. Daniel didn't much like being held by this stranger though and squirmed until Rocky got a hold of him and sat down, letting the boy chew on his tie.
"A rabblerouser just like his uncle." Rocky said.
"That kid better not be as much of a handful as you." Freckle said, observing as Rocky played with the boy.
"Hey, Rocky is a one and only." I said, nudging Freckle with my elbow. "Now, about this racing thing… We're going to need more than some vague ideas."
"Agreed. The first thing we need to do is put the new car through its paces. I've got some ideas for modifications, but we need to get it home first."
"In one piece, preferably." I said, looking at Rocky.
"Hey, I don't crash! Usually…"
"Right, so is that why you had to come out to Kansas City to get a free car?" Freckle said, laying down to take in the sun.
"You know that's because of the engine. Don't blame me for shoddy workmanship."
"Shoddy! Ivy and I are the only reason that heap of junk lasted as long as it did!" Freckle shot back. "But the bigger engine with standard parts should make repairs simpler."
"Exactly." Rocky said. "And now we've got a crew chief!" He continued, pointing at me.
"Woah, hold it there, Rocky. I know nothing about racing."
"Neither do we." Freckle said, putting his hat over his face.
"Then I gotta ask, why are we even doing this? Surely there's some sort of work out here, right guys?" I asked. The responses were more mutters and murmurs, struggling to dance around a solid answer.
"That bad, huh…" I said.
"It's not that we couldn't find work…" Rocky tried to explain.
"…We'd just have to break the law again, that's all." Freckle finished.
"But Liquor has been legal again for two years, who's still running booze to… oh yeah."
"Exactly, solider boy." Rocky said. "There's a market out here for illegal booze, and just like Mr. Pepper said last night, it's got to find a way from Missouri into Kansas."
"Well, for what it's worth, I'm proud and glad that you boys have left that all behind. I'm not sure what would happen if we got back into the rum running business."
"Hey, we're not kids anymore! We all got responsibilities and people at home." Rocky said in an unusually reasonable voice. Of course, his reasonableness came and went like a passing breeze. "That's why we got into racing! Imagine being a champion, Ethan! All that money! All that fame!"
"All that delusion." Freckle added. "Face it, Rocky. We might make a little money here and there but this is all just to keep us busy instead of sitting around on the farm getting bored."
"Well, I for one have to find some way to make money. Bella seemed awfully worried about another mouth to feed."
"I don't blame her." Freckle said from under his hat. "I don't know how Ivy and I are going to feed three kids."
"With vegetables from Bella's garden, house calls from Ivy, and cash from our winnings. That's how, cousin."
"Do we need any money to get into racing?" I asked, watching the cars roar by on another lap. The top three were neck and neck and giving it all they had. Really, it was amazing to watch. As each car came around the bend, their back wheels hung out, drifting past as wet dirt splattered the wall. The track was really tight and the cars had to race many laps to reach their 125-mile distance. I remembered how back in France a soldier had told me about a town that included a race track right in the city streets. While I had seen a race or two in Butte, watching it now was a new experience completely. Glancing over, I noted how entranced Rocky was by the cars. It looked almost soothing to him and I thought he must be imaging being in that race.
"We don't have any money anyway, but we will need to borrow some cash from Mr. Sable to register a new number with the big cars." Freckle said.
"So, whatever we do has to be on the cheap."
"The cheap, cheap." Freckle confirmed. "We got parts in the barn though."
"Hmm… still feels like we would be better off putting effort toward some other venture." I said.
"Ethan, I've got to do this! Please, it's the closest I've come to any kind of success in my life."
I was somewhat baffled at that admission, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. He was perpetually in some new career, getting bumped around from one thing to the next. In all the time I had known him, he had never been in a job for more than a few months at a time. A point of frustration in the household as the depression set in and one of the reasons I volunteered to go work for Uncle Sam in the mountains.
"Alright, I guess we can give it a shot." I said, but feared I spoke too soon as we all heard a terrible sound of metal scrapping metal. A moment later half a car came flying up over the barrier, crashing and rolling onto the grass some fifty feet from the wall. No sooner did it come to a stop that flames came bursting out of the engine bay, quickly engulfing the car.
"Oh shit!" I said, getting up and dragging Freckle with me.
"Stay with Danny!" Freckle ordered Rocky as we both scrambled to help the driver out before he was caught in the growing blaze.
Given Names
"Emily, where'd you go?" Joseph said. This was the first time he had been in a wood like this. The most vegetation he had seen was at the Columbia Gardens with Ruth. His heart starting pounding as he realized that the two younger girls had left him behind. Not knowing what to do, he tried searching for the exit but all the brush and undergrowth disoriented him. He was in a small clearing alone and a thought creeped into his mind… he needed his dad since mom wasn't here with him.
"Okay, that's the girls…" Joseph said as he spotted them trying to climb a tree, but then his acute ears picked up the sound of sobbing. "Uh oh…"
Combing through the bushes, Joseph found William curled up next to a tree, crying. In that instant, he felt a memory from the past come back in force. There was a time that he too was alone and scared, and he knew exactly what William needed.
"There you are. Hey, what's wrong?" He asked, sitting down next to the boy.
"Joseph!" William said, hugging the adolescent. Joseph wasn't exactly big, but to Joseph he may as well have been an adult.
"You're alright." He said, wrapping his arms around the kid. "What happened?"
"The girls left me and I got lost trying to find them." He said, sniffling.
"They're not too far away. You'll have to forgive them; Emily knows to keep track of Mary but she's still only five. God, you're shaking! You really must have been scared."
"I want to go home." William said in response.
"Well, we'll be in St. Louis in a couple more days—"
"No, I want to go to mom." He said. Now Joseph understood.
"Right, that home. I'm sorry, kid, this whole thing must be hard. Moving across the country to live with people you don't even know."
"Yeah…" He said, wiping away tears.
"Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm not actually Rocky's son."
"Wait, you're not?" William said, looking up at Joseph.
"No, he adopted me when I was your age. A big twister came through St. Louis and killed my mom. But Rocky saved me and this family took me in. Now I guess I'm as much a Rickaby as I am a Calhoun."
"And what happened to your real dad?"
"I… I don't really know. I never figured out if he just abandoned us or if something happened out west. But I haven't seen or heard from him now in years."
William had no idea someone so similar to him was sitting right there at the table all along, but it only fueled more questions in his young mind.
"So, can I ask you something?"
"Go for it, kid."
"Is my Dad… um, is he good?"
"Ethan? You know, it's kinda funny. When Rocky first brought me to that farm, Ethan wanted to find me a proper family. They were doing things that could have gotten them in trouble. But once that was over, I still remember when he picked me up and called me his nephew for the first time. I knew Rocky loved me but knowing that I had a whole family who loved me felt really reassuring."
"So they love me?"
"Yes, William. I know my Dad loves you, and I know for sure that Ethan loves you very much. Riley loves you too." Joseph then noted the necklace hanging around William's neck.
"Is that a bear claw?" He asked.
"Yeah, want to see!" William said, holding up the necklace. It was indeed a bear claw, long and curved from a mountain grizzly.
"Did you fight a bear yourself?" Joseph teased, but to William the necklace was serious.
"No, mom said my grandpa killed a bear when he was younger." William explained. "It's supposed to protect me."
"Protect you from what?"
"Bad spirits." He said. Joseph then remembered what this boy was.
"That's right, I almost forgot you were half-Indian." Joseph said. "Well, I'm half Scottish myself. And Emily is… well, I'm not really supposed to say. You'll fit right in with the rest of us, though."
"But what if I don't?"
"You will, William. Trust me on this. Maybe we can start with a nickname? We give you one of those and you'll be part of the family in no time at all!"
"Nickname?"
"Yeah, it's short hand. Something friends and family call you. Lots of people call me 'Cal' because my last name is 'Calhoun'."
"Oh! So it's like my other name. Kitchi Machk. Mom said it means I'm brave like a bear!"
"Um… not quite what I meant. A short name that everyone can remember… and pronounce." Joseph said before realizing that the perfect one is right there in front of him. "Wait, why don't we just call you 'Kit'? I can remember that one easily enough."
William didn't quite understand but decided to go with it. "I like 'Kit'! Like a baby fox."
"That's right, and you're one of the litter now alongside Emily and our cousins, Mary and Danny. Come on, let's go find them that go back to our fathers."
As they walked through the bushes, "Kit" had another question. "Hey Cal?"
"Yeah?"
"What's my dad's nickname?"
Joseph stopped and remembered that not all names were good. "Your Dad has one, but we don't use it."
"Why not?"
"Because… well, I'm sure he'll tell you… someday. For now you just call him 'dad', okay?"
"Okay."
Questions
"So that's what you were doing in St. Louis all this time." Jacob said as he and Mordecai walked through the campus of his new college. They had already strolled around the campus lawn a half-dozen times as Jacob pressed his father-figure on his past.
"You mustn't repeat what I've told you, understand?" Mordecai said with a neutral expression. If the wrong people found out I was back… or who you were…"
"They'd come after us. I understand, Dad."
"Good."
"I can talk to Miss M though, right? And Mr. Sable?"
Mordecai paused to think about it, but begrudgingly he didn't see any further issue. "So long as Mitzi has stayed out of illegal business ventures, I suppose she is not a liability. But don't forget that every rose has thorns."
"She seems harmless enough…"
Mordecai stopped and pulled Jacob close by the arm. "That woman is not harmless, and neither is the company she keeps… besides Mr. Sable."
"Then who else should I be worried about?"
Mordecai hated such questions, but looking around the campus and then at Jacob, it was clear to him that sooner or later the boy would be on his own and this might be his last chance to impart some real wisdom honed from experience.
"There is Asa Sweet, for one thing. I don't know his whereabouts, but if he or his successor found out through Mitzi that you and I were here, then that could be an issue. There's also the matter of the Savoy siblings."
"What did they do?"
"You know that mark on my left pectoral you used to lay your head against when we read together before bed?"
"That weird scar? Yeah, I know what you're talking about."
"That scar is a symbol carved into my chest by Serafine Savoy. If her cult is still around then I don't want her getting any information on our whereabouts."
"And if she does?"
"I want you on the first train back to New York. We could make up a family emergency or something of that magnitude to get you enrolled elsewhere."
"So she's that dangerous, then. Noted. I'm sure Miss M won't betray us."
"Perhaps not on purpose, but word spreads quickly. In any case, Mitzi's former associates could be a problem too."
"You mean McMurray, Rickaby, and Kelly?"
"Yes, those three."
"Dad, relax. She said they've all got families now."
"So did most of the men who hunted you through the streets. So do I."
"Then maybe we should meet them? Feel them out and see if anyone holds resentment or anger towards you."
"I've discussed this with Mitzi. You and I will meet them and convince them that I am not a threat. None of them will attack unless provoked."
Jacob still didn't understand Mordecai's line of thought. "What would provoke them to attack us?"
"If they thought I was a threat, then that would be enough."
"Dad, you can't possibly know that's how they'll react."
Mordecai dismissed the comment out of hand. "I know, Jacob, because I would react in the same way in such a scenario. Now then, if we're finished with this discussion, I believe it is time to meet our tour guide of the campus."