POV'S SARA
I am locked in my mind, in the same place where my family was murdered. Their bodies are not there, or I would not have eyes if not for that macabre spectacle. No, the bodies are not there, but the blood, their blood is here. I am kneeling in the middle of it, immersed and soaked in their blood. My arms are at my sides, inert, like my whole body.
"It's my fault, if I hadn't left that damned day I could have…. I could have still been with my husband and my son, my baby."
"If I had left that country they would still be alive."
"If I had fought, if I had gone against the blockade, fuck the pain and fuck the consequences, maybe I would have been able to protect my family"
My arms shake slightly, animating themselves to life again, I raise my arms, bringing my hands in front of my face.
"How can I…" I don't finish my sentence, a sob racks my body.
"How can I be with them if I can't protect them?"
My hand forms a fist and lashes out at my face, and another, and another, and again and again. My nails dig into my face, my neck, my torso, and my legs. They scratch everywhere; my eyes and forehead, my cheeks and lips, my neck. My arms, my chest, my stomach and legs, even my feet aren't spared. I can feel blood dripping from my cuts. My hands reach for my locks of hair, pulling and tugging, strands that get caught in my fingers.
"Now what? What have I done? They're something slimy"
"I've lost them. I've lost my friends, my family." "My soulmates. They'll be so disappointed."
My hands keep hitting me, scratching me, and I don't stop them.
'I deserve it'
"It's my fault, I deserve it"
POV'S QUEENIE
I close my eyes, my temple resting on hers, my hands on her temples on the sides. I have never entered someone's mind consciously, like others do with a spell, I don't need to, I don't need that because I can enter someone's mind even from a distance, doing it is as natural to me as breathing. I am a natural legilimens.
But this is how an ordinary person would enter, inside someone's mind, with all the thoughts of the person in question.
They are not superficial and harmless thoughts, or thoughts that are shouted out by excitement or anger, without any control.
No. It is her subconscious, her good and bad memories, it is the person itself. The essence of the person itself. I feel out of place here, but I have to do it, I have to get her out because no one but me can help her. And I have to do it, and in this state because she thought I would hate her, that she wanted to get too familiar with Jacob.
Damn! Has everyone forgotten that I can hear their thoughts? I knew what she was going to do before she actually did it, I saw the initial panic and the spiral she was about to end up in, the abyss of darkness, the hatred and contempt she fell into.
The space I am in is where Sara's family was massacred.
Sara is immersed in the pool of blood, her legs completely covered in the red liquid. Her clothes are not like the ones she was wearing moments before.
'They are the clothes she was wearing when they died' I realize.
"It's my fault, if I hadn't gone out that damned day I could have…. I could have still been with my husband and my son…. My baby." She says
This makes me stop. I remain petrified where I am.
"If I had left that country they would still be alive."
"If I had fought, if I had gone against the block, fuck the pain and fuck the consequences, maybe I could have protected my family"
She looks at her hands, covered in the blood of the people she loved and loves and will always have a place in her heart, as if she had killed them herself.
"How can I.." Her body shakes with sobs that catch her off guard.
"How can I be with them if I can't protect them?" She starts hitting herself in the face, scratching her face and neck, legs anywhere she can reach, pulling her hair.
"Now what? What have I done? I'm something slimy"
"I lost them. I lost my friends, my family." "My soulmates. They'll be so disappointed"
She seems so resigned, accepting all the guilt, the pain, emotional and physical and mental, in her and doesn't stop.
"It's my fault, I deserve it" she expresses destroyed.
This seems to make me move and I run towards her, kneeling down, with her in the dark red puddle.
"Darling, it's not your fault." I grab her hands, stopping her from flagellating herself with her own hands.
"If you had fought against the mental block you would have only hurt yourself; the block was put there by someone powerful and you were just a child, a young girl and you hadn't reached your full potential yet. It was a losing battle." I shake my head in anguish, I feel all her pain.
"But… my magic would have…" I don't let her finish
"It was a coincidence that something happened to unlock the simple memory of you being a witch" my voice rises
I clear my throat. "You weren't used to thinking of yourself as a witch, much less having magic, it wasn't an instinct for you to snap your magic in times of danger."
"You did what you could," I exhale
"And you can protect us. Your friends, your soulmates, your family."
His eyes remain fixed on mine, intense and dark with raw emotions.
"Tina told me what you did when he attacked you. You took the blow that was meant for Gellert, you defended it with your own body."
He blushes slightly on his cheeks and nose, it's very sweet.
"You were hit a second time, which made you walk away from the others, but you stood up again and stood in front of your friends, again at risk to yourself."
"You can defend yourself and everyone you love."
I take his hands and wrap them in mine. I notice now that mine are only slightly larger and tapered than his.
I caress the hands in mine, my thumb dusting his wrists trying to give him a sense of comfort and my presence.
"You're not slimy. You just have a different, more tactile way of expressing yourself. I don't hate you, and neither does Jacob." His head snaps up, previously lowered in shame, eyes wide with fear with tears in the corners ready to escape his control.
His face, his whole body really, covered in scratches and blood dripping down or dried stuck to his face, but underneath it all I can still see his face. This girl is sweet, precious. If only she could see it too. I move my hands to his cheeks, careful not to squeeze too hard because of the scratches he's inflicted on himself.
"Your soulmates don't blame you, they know there was no real intention behind it."
"Baby. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. Your souls are out here, waiting for you."
"They are everything to me. Without them… I wouldn't be here…" the certainty with which she pronounces these words are both a death sentence and a declaration of love for eternity, unyielding and unchangeable in both cases. It devastates me and fills my heart like nothing has ever done in my life.
"It's time to go back to your souls. And to our friends, they will be waiting for us dazed."
She grabbed his hands in mine again, even though I stopped a few seconds longer to leave a caress on both cheeks, and I get us out of here.