AN: Here we are, another piece of this one, and a little step forward!
I hope you enjoy! If you do, please do let me know!
111
"Here—can you push yourself up? There we go—we'll just move this out of the way for now," Beverly said, moving the regenerator out of the way, just as she'd said she would.
"Oh!" Laris breathed out.
It was a heartfelt sigh of relief, and Beverly smiled to herself as she gathered everything else she needed.
Laris' room was cozy and warm. The bed was large enough to make it clear that she had shared the room with her husband, Zhaban, in the years that they had spent there together. Beverly had the distinct feeling that she had likely rearranged the room, after his passing, but it still remained quite comfortable.
It was also undeniable proof, to Beverly, that it was Laris who had taken the Château from the cold, simply functional structure that it had been when she'd first known it—when Jean-Luc had first restored it—to the warm, happy home that it seemed to be now.
"Does that feel better?" Beverly asked.
"I'd forgotten what it felt like to think I could draw a full breath," Laris said. "So—is everything healed?"
"Not entirely," Beverly said. "Not yet. But everything is looking much better. I think you can handle moving around some today. We'll put that back on when you're sleeping."
Beverly caught her face, and Laris stiffened, but then relaxed. She allowed Beverly to flash the light in her eyes, though it wasn't a truly pleasant experience, Beverly knew.
"Your nictitating membrane is covering your eye, and our environment certainly can't be to blame for that. I don't like that. However, it's no longer shuttering, so I'll take the improvement. You are healing, and that's good enough for now. Now—let's get you cleaned up for breakfast. If you're feeling up to it, I'll walk with you a bit outside, after breakfast. I think you could use the sunlight. I know Jean-Luc is going to be thrilled to see you up and moving around."
Beverly brought over everything she'd hauled to Laris' room for her to have a sponge bath.
"I'll help you bathe later," Beverly said. "A bath or a shower, I don't know which you prefer. I thought, for now, we could do something quick, and you wouldn't use too much of your energy. Remember—you've suffered a lot of muscle damage and, while you're healing well, you're going to need to work up to things for a few more days."
"I can do it myself," Laris insisted. Beverly ceded, knowing that independence was likely very important to the woman. Showing vulnerability, after all, was one of the greatest acts of intimacy for a Romulan. Beverly averted her eyes and turned her attention to her PADD, because she didn't want to risk making Laris uncomfortable. She jumped when Laris' voice broke the silence. "I don't want to have breakfast with Jean-Luc."
Beverly furrowed her brow at Laris.
"I think you should leave this room a little. We could have—anything you want to eat. Would you prefer to eat outside, in the sunlight and fresh air?"
"I don't want to see Jean-Luc," Laris said.
"While I normally respect my patients' wishes without argument," Beverly said, "I do feel that—circumstances are a bit different here. I've accepted that you were tired and quite unwell for the past two days. Is there some reason that, now, you don't want to see him?"
Laris wouldn't make eye contact with her. She hadn't undressed yet, and she wasn't washing herself. She was simply sitting, wetting the cloth in her hand, squeezing out the excess water, and repeating the action.
Beverly could feel the heaviness of emotion in the air.
"You are a good person," Laris said, still not looking at Beverly. "Jean-Luc spoke very highly of you. Starfleet speaks highly of you. Even our intelligence on you spoke of how wonderful you were as a doctor, and how much you care about…everyone."
"I'm hardly a saint," Beverly responded, moving closer to Laris, and coming to sit by her on the bed. Laris hummed in response and smiled. Beverly felt her chest tighten. She didn't believe that smile at all.
"The kindest thing you could have done for me was—let me go," Laris said.
Beverly frowned at her.
"I understand that Romulans have their—their honor—but…I couldn't have just let that ship explode with you in it."
"No," Laris said. "No—you did what you had to do. You did the best thing, then."
"Then—I'm afraid I don't understand."
"Once you transferred…" Laris broke off. Beverly didn't interrupt her. One part of healing was always going to be dealing with the body. The other part, however, was dealing with everything else that went with the trauma that the body carried. "Once you completed that transfer, the kindest thing you could have done was to let me go." Laris shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. She didn't look at Beverly.
Beverly moved over toward her. She took the cloth from Laris' hand, squeezed it out, and used it to wipe at Laris' face.
"What are you doing?" Laris asked.
"Close your eyes," Beverly said. "I'm taking care of you."
"Why?" Laris asked.
"Because—it's been a while since someone did," Beverly said. "Hasn't it? Who was the last person that—took care of you? Really took care of Laris? Your husband? Or did you take care of him? Your mother?"
"I didn't know my mother," Laris said, softening. She allowed Beverly to wash her face. Beverly took a great deal more time and put in a great deal more care than was absolutely necessary. The act of washing, she decided, wouldn't be about simply removing the sweat and everything else from the woman's body—not this time.
"I'm sorry," Beverly said. "Did she—die when you were born, or…?"
"The newer Romulans don't follow all of the older laws," Laris said. "When I was small, it was customary that, when your children were born, you sent them to…to a place where they were raised together. Children were citizens of the Empire—future soldiers. They were not to be coddled. I didn't know my family. I didn't have a family. I was elected to marry Zhaban at birth. Our partner was Miran. I didn't have a family until I joined our bond."
"A bond is a marriage," Beverly said, mostly clarifying things for herself.
"A trust bond must include three members," Laris said. "Three is the number of truth and trust. You must have absolute truth in a bond. Three keeps you honest."
Beverly had helped to dress Laris for the transport in a medical gown. She'd left her in it, while she'd been healing, at the Château. Now, she unfastened it and let it fall away. Laris put up a hand like she might protest. Beverly caught her hand and squeezed her fingers.
"Let me," Beverly said. "I won't tell anyone—not even Jean-Luc, if you want. Your secret is safe with me. Please—let me take care of you," Laris clearly considered it, but she softened and let Beverly go about washing her with the water and soap. "Tell me about your bond."
Laris smiled.
"I loved them very much," she said. "We lost Miran early. We were only joined for two years—maybe three. We wanted children, and she was expecting. She took the first of our children with her, when they…"
"I don't need the details," Beverly offered, when Laris broke off. She didn't want to push her. She was free from the machines for now, but that also meant that Beverly was trusting that she didn't need to be too closely monitored. In the back of her mind, though, she knew that the woman wasn't fully healed. There was no need to tempt fate. "When did you have your baby?"
Laris looked at her. Her color changed slightly. Beverly offered her the best reassuring smile that she could.
"The body tells our secrets, sometimes, even when our mouths guard the silence," Beverly offered. Laris softened, accepting how Beverly had come to know information that she hadn't yet shared.
"It wasn't more than a year or so after we lost Miran," Laris said. She smiled. "He was perfect. Of course, he had to be…Romulan laws…forbid imperfections."
"Unfortunately, I'm aware," Beverly said.
"Zhaban and I were—very good Tal Shiar agents, and so they turned a blind eye when we wanted to keep our child, just as many of the newer generation of Romulans were doing," Laris said. "Family makes you weak. At least—that's what they believed. They also recognized that family was a wonderful way of controlling agents. We were very good agents, but…we were also terrible agents. Both of us had beliefs that…weren't popular with the Empire or the Tal Shiar." She frowned and shook her head. "They—showed us the error of our ways one night. I should have stopped them. They should have never been able to…to…but I wasn't vigilant enough. It was the middle of the night, and before I could even reach them…"
"Shhh…" Beverly offered softly. She used a different rag from the small stack she'd brought, and she wiped at Laris' face again. "That's not your fault."
"You don't understand," Laris said.
"No," Beverly said. "Not exactly, but…I understand enough. When did you come here?"
"After that night, they—took Zhaban. They returned him, but…they made sure that we would never have a family together. It wasn't long after that when I defied them," Laris said. "I couldn't take the lives I was assigned to take. We fled, knowing they would kill me and likely Zhaban, too. Jean-Luc accepted us for asylum. Suddenly, here, my job was to care for the home, the vineyards, Zhaban…Jean-Luc and Number One."
She smiled and broke off for a moment, clearly remembering something that had made her very happy, at least for a moment in time.
"Have you ever felt peace after you believed that peace was nothing more than a fairy tale?" Laris asked.
"I'm hoping for some peace now," Beverly admitted. Laris looked at her intently. The look was almost too intense. Beverly broke their eye contact. She brought a towel to begin drying Laris. Laris tried to take the towel, but Beverly pulled it back as a way of insisting that she had started this task, and she intended to finish it. Laris accepted. "Zhaban died of natural causes?"
"A heart attack," Laris said. She laughed, and Beverly had no doubt that it was ironic. "After everything, and he died of a heart attack. Sudden. It was just—over."
"He was very young," Beverly said. "It was likely the result of something he'd suffered at the hands of…them."
"Very young," Laris mused.
"And Jean-Luc? You bonded with him, did you not?" Beverly asked.
"A bond can only be complete when there are three," Laris said. "No—we are not bonded. I loved Jean-Luc…deeply. When he spoke to me about you, in the beginning, I supported him. You were gone. When I knew that you'd come back into his life? I accepted that—if he came to Chaltok IV, I would have my answer. I would tell him about the baby, then. If he didn't come to Chaltok IV, I would have my answer—a different one, but an answer all the same. I decided that I would come back, then, to return Number One and to get anything here that I couldn't live without. I could live without Jean-Luc—he'd found love and happiness, and that's all I'd ever really wanted for him. I could live without—this home. I could make another home, somewhere else."
"Romulans are not a solitary species at all," Beverly said. "Despite what you might have people believe. You were just going to—be alone?"
Laris shook her head gently.
"No," she said. "I was going to have my baby. Now—I don't have that. You should have—let me go. That would have been the kindest thing that you could have done for me."
Beverly moved the tub aside. She handed the towel to Laris, and Laris instinctively wrapped it around herself, though Romulans were not at all known for their modesty. Beverly brushed back the damp hair that had picked up water from the multiple times that Beverly had wiped the woman's face.
"OK—we're going to do this now, and we're going to do it a dozen times a day, if that's what this takes. I know that this is difficult. It's traumatic. I know that, and I cannot begin to know what you're going through. But—what I do know, is that you haven't lost your baby. OK? Your body thinks you have. I understand that you're going through every physical response of a woman who has lost her baby, and I'm looking at ways that I can help you even with that, but your baby is right here."
Beverly took Laris' hand and pressed it to her abdomen. Laris tried to pull her hand away, and she was successful. Even still healing, she was stronger than Beverly.
"I hope you don't think that…that I'm doing this without help and support," Beverly said. She laughed quietly. "This was not in my plans. I'm already taking medicine for morning sickness that is worse than I've ever known before—worse than I could even imagine—and I still feel nauseous, even with the strongest medication I have available to me."
Laris' eyes filled with tears, but a hint of a smile tipped her lips upward.
"Jean-Luc likes these little lemon candies," Laris said. "They're very bitter, but they help with the nausea."
"I've been craving lemon water," Beverly said. "Maybe it's the lemon candies the baby is trying to ask for." She raised her eyebrows at Laris. "Something familiar, maybe. Something that—reminds it of Mama. We don't know enough about transfers, but…I believe your baby misses you, just like you miss it."
"It's not my baby anymore," Laris said, shaking her head.
"It never stopped being your baby," Beverly said. "This baby is half you—it's half your DNA. No matter where it grows, that never changes. I need your help. Can you help me—and the baby?"
Laris gasped for air, but Beverly didn't immediately move to offer medical intervention. She took her hands, instead, and held them.
"Slow breaths," she offered. "Come on—breathe with me. Oxygen is good for the baby, too. In…out…"
Slowly, Beverly helped the woman to calm and get her breathing back under control.
"The baby is healthy?" Laris asked. Beverly smiled and nodded. She accepted that there would be a million reassurances of all sorts throughout this pregnancy, and she didn't mind.
"I need to scan it later," Beverly said. "Just to check on things. Everything is fine, but…I like to keep a check on things. Will you—help me? When it's time?"
She still held Laris' hands and she felt the woman tense. She didn't pull away, though. If she had, she would have been free of Beverly's grasp with ease. Even for a very weakened state, Beverly knew that she would have been easily overpowered.
"It's still your baby," Beverly repeated once more. "And I think it would do you good to see it. Hear the heartbeat. Have you had a scan?"
Laris shook her head.
"Romulans don't do that," she said. "None of it. If a baby isn't meant to survive…"
"Maybe we only keep the Romulan practices that we like, in our home?" Beverly offered.
"Our home…" Laris said.
"I wasn't lying to you. I can't do this alone. I won't do this alone. I need your help. I need you—and the baby needs you, too. The baby wants you here…and so do Jean-Luc and I."
Laris considered her a moment.
"I will help with the scan," Laris said. "If you need help."
Beverly nodded gently. She didn't truly need a great deal of help with the scan, but it was best if she let Laris believe that she did. It was a deception, perhaps, and not the absolute truth that Laris had mentioned earlier, but it was what Beverly would have called a merciful deception. Beverly offered her a smile.
"And the next time that you're pregnant," Beverly said, "I can help you with the scan, then. You can experience it a whole different way."
Laris laughed ironically.
"Next time," she mused.
A tear dropped down her cheek and Beverly wiped it away.
"You're very young," Beverly said. "From my perspective, you're young for a human. I've delivered a number of human babies from mothers older than you. But as a Romulan? Laris—you're practically a baby yourself, as a Romulan. You have so much time to have the family you want—anything you could dream of. There will be a next time—and I'll be here to help you have whatever experience you desire."
Laris opened her mouth like she might speak, and then she closed it, clearly deciding not to say whatever she might have been about to say.
"Can we get you dressed and have breakfast with Jean-Luc? The baby hasn't been the only one at the Château that's been missing you. Jean-Luc is going to wear ruts in the floors. And Number One has been sleeping outside your door until—we finally put a blanket there for him."
"I don't know—what to say to Jean-Luc," Laris admitted.
Beverly got up and started going through her drawers.
"Do you want to wear something in particular?" She asked. She moved to her closet.
"I don't care," Laris said.
"A dress will be best," Beverly said. "Something comfortable—easy in, easy out. How were you going to tell Jean-Luc about the baby on Chaltok IV?"
"What?" Laris asked.
"I think this," Beverly said choosing underwear from Laris' drawer and a soft yellow dress. She brought it to the bed and offered it to Laris. "Do you need help?"
Laris shook her head and started to dress, recognizing that Beverly fully intended to dress her, herself, if she refused.
"How were you going to tell Jean-Luc about the baby, if he came to Chaltok IV?" Beverly asked.
"I don't know," Laris admitted. "I never really believed that he would come."
"And you planned—not to tell him at all, if he didn't come?" Beverly asked.
"I know you probably think that makes me a horrible person…" Laris said.
Beverly laughed to herself.
"Not at all," she said. "I'll tell you a story, later—when we're walking, so you can get some sun and fresh air. Think about…how you want to tell Jean-Luc about the baby at breakfast."
"He already knows," Laris said with a laugh.
"But part of having a baby is getting to tell people about it," Beverly said. "Especially your partner—or partners. And, sometimes, even when we know something, it helps to make it really real when we can talk about it a bit more. I hate that you were denied the chance to tell him. I know—how important that is. How—empty it can feel that you don't get to say it. It's important for your healing, but it's important for Jean-Luc, too, and it's important for me."
"Important for you?" Laris asked.
Beverly smiled at her. She ran her fingers through some of the tangles in Laris' hair.
"I need reassurance, too, that you aren't expecting me to handle this alone. I need to hear you taking your role as a mother back. So—you'll tell us both about the baby at breakfast. Think about how you want to do that. We'll be happy to hear it, however you choose. Do you have a hairbrush?"