The Woodland Badger Bash
By KingoftheJungle1993
Inspired by: "The Party" from The Amazing World of Gumball
Includes characters created by Mitch Schauer and TheCardPlayer
"Re-day or not, here I come!" Norbert Beaver declared.
It was a bright and sunny June day in the beautiful forest of Wayouttatown, Oregon. And what better way to enjoy the fresh air and pass the time than to play a nice brotherly game of hide and seek, thought beaver brothers Norb and Dag. Daggett was hiding behind a thick tree snickering to himself while his brother kept looking around for him.
"Tee-hee! Norb's never gonna find me! I'm invisible!" Dag whispers while covering his eyes, adding 'extra precaution' to making sure he's well hidden. What he doesn't know is that Norb heard him and slowly and stealthily creeps up on him.
"Gotcha!"
Norb tackles Daggett as they do a barrel roll, laughing hysterically while they're play-wrestling. These beavers really are just big kids. Dag embraces it, while Norb tries to mask it and act manly most of the time but really he can't help himself. Doing things like play-wrestling, hide & seek, and other things just are all too fun.
"That was the best, Norbski!" Daggett tears up from laughing so hard.
"You said it, brother!" Norb agrees while catching his breath and holding his sides.
Dag looks up and sees a piece of paper on a nearby telephone pole.
"Hey, Norb! Looky here!" Dag points out as he grabs the paper.
"Whatzit say?" Norb asks.
"Attention Forest Animals," Dag reads out as he examines the paper, "You're all invited to my big woodland bash! Tonight at my den at 8:30!" The beaver makes a loud excited whooping noise after having read the note. "Did you hear that, brother? We're invited to Roger Badger's party! WOOOOOOOOOOH!"
"You missed a little part at the bottom there, Dag," Norbert points looks at the note again and becomes appalled with what he sees at the bottom.
"NO BEAVERS ALLOWED!?" The beaver angrily questions. "Who does that spooty badger think he is?!"
"Wait, Dag," Norb instructs his brother. "Unless you have a date. Good luck."
"Oh," Dag responds.
"I knew that dumb old badger is the same old jerkwad he was in grade school," Norb reminisces.
"What are we gonna do, Norb?" his brother questions.
"I'll tell you one thing, I know who I'm bringing." Norbert smiles as a thought bubble looms over his head. It's of his girlfriend Treeflower looking down at him seductively blowing him a kiss and petting his large nose from the thought bubble. The yellow beaver makes a lovesick sigh from this gesture, even if he's the one coming up with it.
Dag simply yaks at this display of his brother being so in his head.
"Speak for yourself, Mr. Ladies Man. I've got no date!" Dag retorts.
"Well what about Linnea?" Norbert asks.
"Linnea?" Daggett gulps flustered.
Norb points forward to something in the distance, signaling Dag to look. That something is Linnea Beaver, Daggett's love interest. She is a yellow female beaver with a beehive-esque hairstyle and blue-green eyes. She is nearby eating a twig as the sunlight from the trees cascades on her, emphasizing her beauty.
"Ehhh no…I think she's busy…" Dag tries denying.
In reality, he's ogling her, his pupils having turned into big hearts as his heart beats madly for her. Dag always teases Norb for being in love with Treeflower, but Dag is actually the exact same way towards Linnea.
"Your eyes are shaped like hearts," Norb points out.
"Allergies, brother…allergies," Dag retorts, in a lovesick trance.
"Look, if it means that much to you, I'll help you find a date for the party," Norb reassured his brother.
"You mean it?!" Dag asks excitedly.
"Of course, brothah," Norb pats Dag on the shoulder.
Minutes later, Norb walks Dag through the forest to scour for a potential date.
"The first thing you should know about talking to a girl is you should make a good first im-prey-shion," The yellow beaver instructs. "Act gentlemanly towards her."
"Uh huh, gentlemanly. Got it."
"Looky there!" Norb points out while accidentally pinning Dag under his armpit.
They spot a brown female beaver sitting on a rock reading a comic book, her back turned towards them. Her hair is rather long and slightly curly near the end. A perfect candidate for Dag.
"Here's your chance. Go to her and compliment her hair, maybe ask how her day's going," the elder beaver suggests.
"Okay, Norb. Wish me luck."
"Nothing but." Norb smiles.
Daggett takes a deep breath and begins walking towards her. He puffs out his chest a bit to appear more manly and appealing to her.
"Excuse me, madame," he calls out to her in a faux-posh person voice, "but I couldn't help but notice you're looovely hair."
"Well he's got the conversation down, at least," Norb mutters under his breath, watching from nearby.
"Would you like to go to a party with me?" Dag asks the girl.
She turns around and reveals she isn't a beaver at all. She is a platypus, and her name is Regina.
"I'd love to!" Regina cheers.
"WOOLA BOOGA! What happened to your face?!" Dag shreiks, completely blowing it.
Norb facepalms at this.
"Is one of your parents a duck?!" the brown beaver remarks shivering.
"How dare you!?" Regina snaps.
She slaps Daggett away with her tail as he barrels back towards Norb, who is tapping his foot irritably. Dag looks up at him with a nervous grin.
"Dag-man…you have a lot of work to do." Norb shakes his head.
"Well, Norb, there's pley-n-ty of other fish in the-"
Dag's sentence gets cut off by a sight that catches his attention immediately. Tangled up in a tree near a small pond lay Angel Eyes; Daggett's fishing lure girlfriend from years ago, staring back at him with those same bulging and beckoning plastic eyes.
"ANGEL EYES! MY BELOV-ED!" Daggett bellows excitedly, bolting towards her.
"Oh boy, not this again." Norb sighs, knowing this won't end well.
"It's you…It's really you…" Dag stares back at her lovingly while twiddling his fingers, "Even after so long, you still love me. Come here~"
The brown beaver leans in for a kiss. However, things soon turn awry when one of the lure's hooks gets caught on his nostril. He pauses for a moment. Before…
"YEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWW! GETOFFGETOFFGETOFFGETOFFGETOFF! OWOWOWOWOWOWIEEEEE!" Daggett howls in pain as he bounces all around, desperately trying to get the hooked heart-snatcher off his nostril.
He ends up tumbling into the water and lands on what he thinks is a rock and ends up unhooking the lure from his nose.
"Phew! Glad that's over." Dag sighs in relief.
However, he soon looks up and realizes that he's not laying on a rock. He's actually laying in the mouth of a large sharp-toothed fish staring down at him hungrily.
"Oops."
Chomp!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"
Dag's loud screech makes the birds sitting in the trees flock away hurriedly.
An hour later, the beavers returned to their bachelor pad dam. Norb sits on the sofa as Dag's nose and body is wrapped up in bandages from the carnage he just went through.
"What am I gonna do, Norb?" he asks, defeated. "Finding a date is pointless…POINTLESS I TELL YOU!" Dag hollars dramatically, clinging his brother by the chest and staring into his eyes before slumping over on the couch.
"Dag, nobody said talking to girls is easy," Norb lectures his brother. "That's why you put the effort in and-"
Mid sentence, the doorbell rings as its familiar tune catches Norb and Dag's attention.
Daggett answers the door and sees not a person, or another beaver, but rather a folded up piece of paper lying on the walkway spanning their front door to the shore of their pond. He picks it up.
"What's that?" Norb questions.
The brown beaver opens the note.
"Would you be the leaves to my tree?" Dag reads aloud.
He ponders about this for a second, trying to interpret what this message could mean. The only thing that pops into his head is of a single sprouting weed, probably signifying his low intelligence. The thought bubble pops away.
"Probably just some spooty ol' prankster."
Daggett shrugs as he crumples up the note and tosses it carelessly into the water. He and Norb head back inside and shut the door. Norbert gets an idea.
"You know, Dagski, if Linnea won't go out with you, there's still one girl you haven't asked."
"Really?! Who!?" Dag asks excitedly.
Norbert shoots him a raised eyebrow. In spite of his low intelligence, Dag is smart enough to understand exactly who he's talking about.
"Oh…her…" Dag sighs
The yellow beaver points to the moose telephone in the kitchen while raising his eyebrows up and down, smirking and acting all smug. Daggett growls and clenches his fists before making his way to the kitchen.
Daggett dials the number, his fingers trembling with each button push, and holds the phone up to his ear, waiting for a response. Each ring fills him with a sense of dread. He really does not want to talk to the person Norb suggested, but if he wants to get into this party, he must.
Finally, the caller on the other end greets Dag.
"Hi, this is Daggett Beaver calling," he clears his throat and attempts to maintain his composure, "would you…like to be my date for a party?"
He listens to the other caller's response.
"No, this is not a prank," the beaver tells her in a deadpan tone, "I actually do want to take you out."
A second goes by.
"You want me to do what?!"
He listens to the caller's response once more.
"How many times do I have to tell you," Dag growls, "I AM DAGGETT BEAVER!"
Another pause, waiting for a response.
"Grrrrr, fine! I'll say it!"
Daggett sighs before complying to her demand.
"Yes, I did try to give myself a haircut with the scissors in 8th grade, and yes I did accidentally make myself go bald. Happy?"
Meanwhile, Norb is filming his conversation with a handheld video camera, quietly giggling at this. He wants to preserve this memory for years to come.
"Finally you believe me!," Dag shouts before giving the caller a chance to respond. "Alright…see you at 8:00." He hangs up, dreading the night to come. He walks out of the kitchen and passes Norb, who is smirking at his brother's awkward phone call.
"How'd it go, prince charming?," Norb teases.
"Shut up." Dag growls.
It is now 8:30 at night. Roger's party is about to begin. His bachelor pad is a hole in a dirt pile, but yet it's a fully furnished mansion for him. It's big enough to house lots of animals, even bears, which he invited. The hole of the den is covered by a door, since no badger wants any pesky intruders entering his den without his permission.
As guests are entering, a pink van with lots of tye-dye and hippie decor on it pulls up to the entrance. Inside this van are Norbert, Treeflower, and her band friends who had given the beavers a ride to the party as Treeflower had just got done from working her hippie musician career. The two beavers step out of the vehicle, paw in paw, and wave goodbye to the band members.
"Thanks for the ride, friends!" Norbert thanked them.
"See you all tomorrow!" Treeflower added in.
The band members wave goodbye back and begin driving off, leaving the beaver couple to have their fun.
"Shall we set foot, m'lady?" Norb flirts with her, looking longingly into her blue eyes.
"Most certainly, my handsome king~," Treeflower giggles, holding him closer to her.
Just then, Dag starts walking up to the two of them, with a dim look on his furry face.
"Hey there, bro-ther." Norb greets his brother with a warm tone.
"Hi, Daggett!" Treeflower waves at him, in her usual soft-spoken yet bubbly tone.
"Hey, Norb. Hey, Treeflower." Dag greets them back, deadpan.
"So who's the lucky lad-yah you brought with you?" The orange beaver asks.
Suddenly, the ground shakes and trembles. Large and heavy footsteps are getting closer and louder to the beavers. It's soon revealed that those earth-shattering footsteps belong to Helga Fistula, a monstrously muscled Eastern European woman with a huge upper body and a thick mustache. She looks like the kind of person athlete steroid tests were invented for. If it weren't for her blonde hair, she would easily be mistaken for a man.
"Norbert. Treeflower. This is my…," Dag sighs, "date…Helga Fistula."
"Hello, friends!" Helga greets, her Russian accent as thick as her mustache.
"Hey Helga," Norb responds casually while Treeflower is a bit off-put. He leans towards Dag. "You sure scored a fine one, brother. Gotta hand it to you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's just go inside already." Daggett growls, embarrassed.
Roger soon opens the door and greets the guests. He has quite the build for a badger, with huge forearms and amazing upper body strength due to his incredible digging ability. However, he is built low to the ground and is much shorter compared to the other forest animals, many of whom he invited.
"Hey everyone!," Roger greets in his Brooklyn-esuqe accent. "C'mon in!"
Everyone soon enters the badger's den; rabbits, snakes, deer, porcupines, lizards, even Barry the Bear can fit inside with ease. Then Norbert and Treeflower get to the door, with her holding onto his arm. Roger sees the beavers and scowls as Norb.
"Huh, didn't think you's was able to get a date," Roger taunts the yellow beaver, poking him repeatedly. "I thought beavers had bum eyesight…'specially when it comes to fine print."
Norb chuckles, not letting the insults get to him. "Good to know you haven't changed a bit since grade school."
The beaver couple enters the hole. Then Dag and Helga arrive, and Roger smirks mischeviously at him.
"WOWZA! Quite the looka ya brought 'ere! Heheheh!" Roger taunts the flustered brown beaver.
"Whatever, just let us in, will ya?" Dag angrily demands.
"Ah well, 's the best ya can do. Come right in, prince charmin'."
The badger chuckles coldly at the beaver, and also witnesses Helga's attempt to fit into the den. She, surprisingly, enters with ease much like Barry did. She is practically the size of a bear, after all.
"Ay, make sure she don't break any of my stuff!" He calls out, trying to get the last word in.
An hour goes by and inside the den, the party is going rather smoothly. Guests are simply having casual conversation by the punch bowl and grabbing some snacks, Bing the lizard and Stump (a tree stump with a face) are playing a game of chess, a porcupine is playing limbo with a snake and two rabbits, and a muskrat is playing "pin the tail on the donkey". Overall, everyone's having quite a good time. Except for Daggett, who is sitting on the couch bored and listening to Helga talk about her life in Russia since they graduated school. The beaver has his head slumped on his arm, his free hand tapping the couch cushions, just waiting for this torture to end.
"Hey, Daggy-O!," Norbert calls out to his brother joyously while dancing with Treeflower. "Why the long face?"
"This party is boooooring," the brown beaver whines. "I have to listen to Ms. Muscles' spooty stories about rush-up! She needs to shush-up!"
"You mean Russia?" Treeflower asks.
"I know what I said." Dag grunts.
Just then, the door opens. It's Linnea! Finally someone he wants to be around, as Dag gets a big smile on his doofy beavery face. However, there's one thing Dag questions. Where's her date? The flyer said no beavers allowed unless they have a date. But then…
"Ay, Linnea! Nice to see you, baby!" Roger cheers, eager to see her in all her beauty.
Dag's world shatters.
Roger, of all creatures, is going out with this gorgeous specimen of a beaver. Not only has this badger been a bully throughout his entire youth, but now that he's back one of the first things he does is take his love interest.
The beaver clenches his paws and trembles.
"Why that no good, conniving, scheming, plotting, two-faced, wannabe SKUNK!" Daggett growls furiously, "I'LL SHOW HIM HE'S MESSING WITH THE WRONG BEAVER!"
Daggett quickly gets up from the couch and almost charges toward him. Acting quickly, Norb steps on his brother's big paddle tail to stop him in his tracks.
"Dag-man, this is a party we're at," Norb scolds. "Don't lose your cool in front of all our fr-ey-nd's. Capeesh?"
The brown beaver sighs.
"Ffffffffine."
He admits defeat and angrily stomps back onto the couch to listen to more of Helga's long and boring stories.
"Okay, everyone," Roger announces, "Now that all udda guests have arrived, I say let's get straight to the chase and PARTYYYYYY!"
The badger rips off his sleeveless shirt and starts waving it around, as loud party music spontaneously starts playing.
Now the party has officially begun.
A large amount of the guests start going hogwild; Bing is swinging from a ceiling light, Barry is chugging a large keg of fruit punch as a group of various forest residents start cheering him on, Norbert and Treeflower are kissing each other hard, and Stump simply lay there blowing a party horn hard. There's lights cascading the inside of the dam as a new color starts flashing every half second, the music from the speaker blares so hard the furniture is practically shaking. That, or it's either Helga almost bringing the house down with her dancing.
Meanwhile, Linnea simply sits outside, minding her own business and chewing on a twig. She's not really feeling the party all that much, despite it being a zoo in there (quite literally). Her deadpan and bored face showed it. That is until Daggett shows up outside and spots Linnea.
"Hi Linnea!" Daggett greets the yellow female beaver.
Linnea finally notices him, as her expression warms up.
"Oh, Hi Daggy~" She greets him back in her beautiful Swedish accent, smiling.
"You gotta get in here and join the party!", Dag loudly suggests. "This is NUTS!"
"Oh, no…I'd rather just sit here and watch the stars," Linnea explains to the brown beaver. She leans in closer to him, fluttering her eyelashes seductively. "It'd be nice if you could join me~."
"Geh…sure!"
The now flustered brown beaver stands next to her as they both watch the starry night sky, not even minding the obnoxious party music in the background.
"So how come you'd rather be out here instead of joining the party?" Daggett asks.
"Well…I'll be honest with you, Daggy, I'm more just taking a break from having to deal with Roger."
How about that? Something the two beavers have in common; their dislike for Roger.
"You hate that spooty badger too?"
"Not hate," she elaborates, "but I just find him too obnoxious and pushy for my type."
Then she turns towards Daggett, looking him deep in his yellow eyes.
"Not like you, Dag. You may be obnoxious, but you're not arrogant like he is. You're more charming and selfless." She explains while smiling, making Daggett all the more flustered. "Not to mention, you're much more adorable than he is." Linnea giggles softly.
Daggett's face has now become just as, if not, more red than his nose.
"Linnea, I…don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything~," Linnea reassures, petting his furry head. "Let's just sit here and enjoy the moment."
Daggett nods, his heart beating fast. Not even Angel Eyes had ever shown this amount of genuine love towards him. The two beavers lay down to watch the sky some more, Linnea holding Daggett close to him.
"Hey, did you get the note I sent you?" Linnea asks.
"Eh?"
"The note I left on your front door?"
Just then, it clicks. The note that Daggett thought was from a prankster. It was Linnea all the time. This realization hits Daggett like a falling tree.
"Eee–eh–I—erm–um—thought—eh—prankster—gehh-toss-ooh–deh–water—uh–" Daggett stutters, fumbling his words hard trying to explain.
Linnea shoots him a raised eyebrow. Daggett sighs.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know that was you…"
"Don't worry, dear. I probably should've put my name on it." She snickers.
"So that note was from you?"
"Yeah. I wanted to take you to the party but Roger kept pestering me about it so I decided to take him."
"Oh…"
"But it's okay," Linnea says, "I'm with my real date now~"
Daggett smiles at Linnea, as she smiles back. All is perfect, until…
"Ay, Linnea!"
The beavers look up and see it's none other than Roger, staring back at them angrily.
"What are yous' doin' with this bum? Yous' is my date!" Roger barks at her.
Daggett stands up and marches towards the shortstack badger.
"Now you listen here, buddy boy," The beaver demands, "Linnea asked me out to the party! She thinks you're obnoxious, so why don't you take your spooty muscles back inside, you miniature upside down bowling pin!"
Linnea gasps at Daggett's selflessness. She's never had Daggett openly defend her in the face of a foe.
This insult really ticks off Roger. He immediately decides enough is enough.
"Okay, THAT'S IT! YOUS' TWO ARE OUT!" Roger screams at the two of them before marching back inside.
As all the commotion is going on, the party is now relaxed again as slow romantic music is playing. Specifically the song "Day After Day" by Badfinger. Most of the guests are passed out from the exhaustion caused by the immense partying. The only exceptions are Norbert and Treeflower, who are currently slow dancing while holding hands.
"This is just perfect~" Norbert sighs happily, holding his girlfriend close.
"You said it, Norby…I couldn't ask for a better beaver to be with right now~" Treeflower smiles, looking up at her boyfriend tenderly.
"And with our favorite song. This should be in the bay-ver hee-story books for best party ey-ver." He teases, making her giggle.
Norbert and Treeflower soon lean in for an on-the-lips kiss. However, that's interrupted by the two of them being violently yanked by their tails by the furious badger.
"Hey, what's the big idea?!" Norb angrily questions.
Just a second later, the two beavers are violently thrown out of the den.
"YOUS' BEAVERS ARE BANNED FROM THIS PARTY!" Roger screeches. "GO BACK TO YOUR WOOD HUT, BARK BITERS!"
He then angrily slams the den door. Norbert dusts himself off, Linnea helps Treeflower out with fixing her hair, and Daggett shakes his fist at the badger.
"Yeah right! Go back to your hole, skunk-face!" Daggett shouts.
"Some people never change." Norb remarks.
"Daggy, that was really sweet of you," Linnea hugs the brown beaver closely.
"No problem, Linnie." Daggett smiles at her.
Just then, Linnea gives Dag a really sweet present for his act of selflessness; a kiss on the cheek. This small gesture of love makes his eyes grow wide with surprise. He's never been kissed on the cheek by a girl, only by his mother and Norbert every once in a blue moon.
Daggett could only say one thing.
"Today, I start living." He shudders.
The brown beaver immediately collapses onto the ground, face first, with a massive smile plastered on his face. Norb, Treeflower, and Linnea look concerned at him.
"Don't worry, Linnea, he's done this before. He'll be fine." Norb reassures her, breaking the silence.
"Well, at least I can sleep tonight knowing that." Linnea breathed, relieved.
"Well I 'spouse, I oughta drag Daggaroni back home. Come on, buddy," Norb says, holding his paw out.
He decides to simply grab him by the tail and drag him home.
"Bye, Linnea! Bye, Treeflower!," Norbert calls them. "I love you, sweetheart!" He calls to Treeflower while blowing her a kiss, before turning back around and dragging him back home.
Linnea and Treeflower are both blushing and waving goodbye to the brothers. They're lucky that both of them are such gentlemanly beavers.
"Their mother raised them well." Linnea remarks.
"Oh most certainly." Treeflower agrees, smiling.
The girl beavers watch on as the beaver brothers make their way home. Even though they got kicked out, they still will remember the party as one of the best woodland bashes ever.
Hours later, after most everyone had left, Roger is now stuck with the burden of cleaning up everyone's messes. He sweeps around the den with a dustpan and broom, collecting the debris accumulated from the wild get-together.
"There, finished," Roger says to himself after throwing the last of the trash in the bin.
The badger goes to return the broom and dustpan into the closet. But when he opens it, he's surprised.
"What the?"
It's Stump, who had been in the closet for who knows how long. He still has the party hat on and a party horn in mouth.
Hoooooooonk!
The End.