Are You Mental?
Her strides were long as Flash tried to hurry her way through the bustling streets of Queens. She was sore, her legs screaming in protest as she ambled her way through a side road, looking for Bushwick Avenue. The events of the night before kept playing through her mind like some far-fetched, raunchy theater show, and she found herself wondering if it had really happened. She couldn't really deny the validity of it all because why else would she have woken up next to Sean?
He looked so peaceful as he slept. His normal worry lines on his forehead all ironed out, his eyebrows relaxed. He was the image of a kid, his boyish features prominent on his usually hardened face. She had awoken and stared at him briefly before peeling his arm from around her gently so as not to wake him. Getting out of there before he could see her was probably in both of their best interests.
Last night did not happen. That was her lie, and that's what she was sticking to. As far as she was concerned, they both had a momentary lapse in judgment. Well… a few momentary lapses in judgment. A mistake, nonetheless.
Flash rounded the corner and found herself staring at a building. 6596 Bushwick Avenue. Her brother's house.
Looking at it, you could tell that it had to have originally been owned by a woman. It was made up of pale grey bricks, a white picket fence surrounding the borders of the front yard. The yard was rather small but still considered a luxury. Most houses she had seen around here didn't have much of anything you could even remotely constitute as a yard. It was brimming with plants and flowers spread throughout. Vines with purple and chartreuse buds hung lazily along the outside of the fence. There was a tiny stone walkway that matched the color of the house that led up to the door. The whole sight was beautiful to her; serene.
She hurried her way up the path and made it to the weathered front door. She took a moment to steady her breath before reaching out and knocking firmly.
"Just a second!" she heard Trooper's voice call from the other side. She could hear his footsteps get louder as he got closer, and the lock slid out of place.
The door opened quickly, and Flash could smell the redolent scent of breakfast waft out. It smelled heavenly and she was counting her blessings that their mother had taught them how to cook. Trooper was standing in the doorway, smiling down at her. It wasn't fair. They were twins, yes. But the last time they saw each other, they were the same height. Now he towered over her.
He smiled and reached out to hug her. "This feels like a dream. A beautiful dream. I still can't believe it's you."
She breathed in his scent and felt herself relax. This brought her more comfort than she could have imagined. Everything felt complete, finally. She had felt like she had a hole in her soul for a long while, a piece of her out in the wind. But now, she felt whole. They say that twins share a type of special mental bond. At least that's what she heard. She never really believed in it or given it much thought until now. She couldn't describe the feeling she had. She just knew she felt like she could breathe again.
"You hungry?"
Her stomach answered for her, letting out a deep guttural growl and they both laughed.
"I'll take that as a yes. Well, come on in, what are you waiting for? Get out of the cold." Trooper stepped aside and let her pass by him.
She walked down the corridor, taking in all the new sights. The house was quaint, very modest. To her left was the kitchen and dining area. The right had the shared living room and past that, she could see 3 doors that she assumed likely led to the living quarters and the washroom. It reminded her of their home in North Carolina. Even though she had some really terrible memories from that time in her life, she found comfort in the familiarity.
"This house... This house is so nice, Trooper. How were you able to afford something like this?" she asked in amazement. Her eyes were still wildly eating up the surroundings, not sure exactly where to look.
"Ah yes, well... I didn't buy it, now did I? That's kind of part of the story. Here, take a seat. We have a lot to catch up on." He finished. He made his way over to the cabinet and took out two plates. He began spooning food onto them and sat a plate down in front of her before taking a seat in the chair across from her.
She stabbed at the eggs, letting the yolk run out and dipped her toast in it. He was right, he still remembered how she liked her eggs. "So, tell me then. What is the deal? Where did you go? I went back to look for you and you were gone."
Trooper took a bite of his toast. "Well, you see, about 3 days after you ran away, someone came looking to adopt us. Aunt Winifred had moved here from Ireland a few years after Ma did."
Flash let out an audible gasp. "Aunt Winnie? But they were estranged. How did she know where to find us?" She picked at her sausage, too intrigued by Trooper to take a bite. None of Ma's family had approved of her marrying their Pa. She was cut off by them when she told them she wanted to get hitched and move to America to start her own family. Ma had come from money, and they didn't agree with her settling for a poor, lowly German farmer. At least that's what their Ma had always told them. They had never met her family, only heard her speak of memories of them. Their Ma still loved them, even though they were not accepting of her chosen path in life. Flash had always thought that her Pa being a German farmer had nothing to do with it. She had always thought that maybe they could see her father for what he truly was. Their Ma tended to look at things through rose colored glasses and her relationship with their Pa was no exception.
Trooper raised an eyebrow at Flash and gave her a half shrug. "Aunt Winnie never wanted to be estranged. Grandma and Grandpa were the ones that had an issue with Ma being here. Winnie just wanted her to be happy. And as far as how she found us… think about it. What Pa did made national news. It reached a lot of states. Winnie recognized Ma from the papes. Even though it never listed our names, it still said we existed and what orphanage we got placed in."
"So that's it then? She just came down to North Carolina and got you?" she asked quizzically, dropping her piece of sausage back down on the plate.
Trooper grabbed her sausage off her plate and took a bite. "Sorry, forgot you were more of a bacon kinda gal." He shoved the rest in his mouth before answering her. "She had to show proof of next of kin first. That felt like it took ages. And then she waited around to see if you'd turn back up. But we couldn't wait around forever, and the orphanage was less than willing to try and help look for you. I think they were just glad they had one less mouth to feed. Practically rushed us out the door."
Flash took his toast and nibbled around the edge. Hashing out the past always made her feel a bit uneasy. She would much rather look towards the future, not behind her. It made her extremely sad, the lachrymose feeling like ice in her stomach, and her appetite became nonexistent.
"So, what happened to Aunt Winnie? Why isn't she here?"
"Tragedy seems to find its way into our family often, I've noticed. Winnie had cancer. Had it since before she came to find us. That's why she moved here from Ireland, to get to better doctors."
Flash gave him a look of confusion. "Cancer? Like what Mr. Johnson had at primary school?"
He nodded at her and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Yeah, exactly like that. She had to wear wigs towards the end. After about a year of me living with her, it got really bad. I had to take care of her. She didn't have a husband. No kids. Just me. She left me the house in her will. That's the only reason I'm still able to live here." He grabbed his empty plate and stood up, gesturing towards her half-eaten food. "You gonna finish that?"
She shook her head and pushed the plate towards him. He grabbed her leftover food with his fingers and shoved it into his mouth before taking both plates to the sink.
She scrunched her nose up at him. "Ma would've hided you good if she saw you do that, you know. I can just hear her now," she laughed.
Trooper put his hands on his hips, imitating their mother. "Gasúr! That's why I give you a fork. You are not a pig."
They broke into a fit of giggles, clutching their stomachs and throwing back their heads. This felt like old times. Flash let out a sigh once they had calmed down.
"I miss Ma. I miss our house. And the farm," she said sadly.
"Me too, kid. I miss going swimming in the pond. There are no decent places to swim around here."
Flash scratched the side of her nose and smiled at him. "Yes, there is. I go swimming at the docks all the time. Or I did when it wasn't so damn cold."
Trooper pulled a disgusted face and set forth washing dishes. "Don't tell me you actually get into that water? The docks are filthy. You couldn't pay me to jump in there. They're always littered with trash and the water is all murky from the coal being dumped in to keep the ships going."
She shrugged at him. "There is this one place in Brooklyn I go to. Spot lets me use it. He keeps it relatively clean. As clean as he can, at least."
Trooper side eyed her and turned up his nose. "That's even worse. You hanging out with Spot Conlon? He's a scoundrel, Allie. A smarmy, smug git. I'd steer clear of him if I were you."
Flash's face dropped and she turned away from him, not wanting him to see the annoyance she was feeling. Leave it to him to play big brother even after all these years. "He ain't so bad, Troop. Yeah, some of the stuff people say about him is true. He's pompous, arrogant, conceited. He has an attitude problem and an even bigger ego to boot. But he's also insanely funny. The kind of funny that makes your sides hurt from laughing so hard. He's loyal to the people he cares about, and he is determined. Ambitious. And I..." she trailed off, trying to decide if she truly wanted to finish the sentence. "Joseph, I like him. I really like him."
She had never admitted that to herself, much less spoken those words aloud to anyone. They felt funny coming out of her mouth, but she knew that they were true. She did like him. She had always liked him. And she thought that just maybe, he had always liked her.
Trooper put his hands up in surrender and cocked his head to the side. "That's your business, Allie. I won't say another word or try to change your mind. Seems like it's already made up anyways. Just be careful, okay? I'm sure you've heard the same stories I have."
"Thanks, Troop." She gave him a final nod and got up from her chair. "Care to show me the rest of the place?"
Trooper sat the dishes down on the counter and wiped his hands on his pants to dry them off. "Sure. Follow me."
He led her to the door furthest away from the front of the house and pushed it open. "This here is my room. It's not much, I'm not here very often. Just mainly to eat and sleep."
She peered into the doorway and took a look around. It was very much what she had pictured. Trooper was not into the frills and decor, never had been. He liked to keep things minimalistic and functional. His room consisted of a bed, wardrobe, nightstand, and a desk filled with paper and pens. It was all color coordinated though, something she assumed Trooper had nothing to do with. Everything was a different shade of blue, from his bedspread to his pillows, down to the rug by the side of his bed.
"Really like the color blue, eh?" she grinned at him, and he rolled his eyes before shooing her out of the door.
"Winnie thought I'd like blue. Because she thought all boys had a thing for blue. She was so excited to set up my room. I wasn't about to tell her my favorite color is yellow," he grumbled. "Shut up."
She smirked at him before throwing up a hand. "Just teasing you. Next?"
He walked over to the middle door and opened it, exposing the washroom. It was small, but it had a clawfoot tub and Flash instantly fell in love. "I will be coming over for my baths from now on, hope you don't mind."
"About that... I wanted to talk to you about something." He made his way over to the final door and swung it open, revealing another bedroom. This one was far more made up compared to his. It was also color coordinated, but in various shades of green. The pillows were her favorite color, sage. The blankets were emerald, reminding her of the one's in Spot's room. The rug was a shade of rosemary. The walls were decorated with paintings of flowers. A map of New York hung on the far wall next to the window and there was a tall, floor length mirror propped up in the corner.
"Was this Winnie's room? She had impeccable taste."
He nodded in agreement. "She liked things to look nice. Always hounded me to put up more decorations in my room," he chuckled and smiled sheepishly. "You want it?"
Flash gave him a puzzled look. "I beg your pardon?"
"Do you want this room? I don't know what your living situation is. And I don't need to know. But no one is using it. This house is half yours afterall."
"Half... mine?"
"You didn't think she left it to just me, did you? Your name was in the will as well."
Flash was taken aback. A woman she had never even met, a woman she never even laid eyes on, left her a house. A nice one. She hadn't had a place to call her own in a really long time. She didn't even have to think about her answer.
"Yes, of course. I would love to get away from all the guys at night. I never have a moment of peace." She turned to give him another hug. "Thank you."
"What are you thanking me for? Thank Winnie." He chuckled again and ruffled her hair.
Flash turned her face up to the ceiling and shouted. "Thank you, Winnie!"
Trooper laughed and let her go. "You're an idiot."
"Takes one to know one, doesn't it? Jackwagon."
Before he could retort back, they heard a rapping at the door.
"Ah, that'll be Race. I told him to swing by. He comes over occasionally." He turned and made his way to the front door. Flash walked out of her new room and shut the door behind her just as Race appeared in the living room.
"Heya, Flash. How's it rollin'?" He gave her a cheery smile as he sat down on the couch.
"Hey Race. Not at the tracks today?"
Racetrack shook his head and waved a hand. "Nah, took a break for the day. Still celebrating, ya know?" He took out a deck of cards and began riffling through them. "You up for a game?"
She shook her head and grabbed her coat off the back of the dining room chair. "Wish I could. But I don't get to take a break today. I gotta get out there, make some money. I'm already running behind; I have to get to the Queens distribution center to get my papes quick."
Racetrack shrugged and put his cards back in his breast pocket. "Just the same. Oh yeah, before you go; Spot's looking for you."
Flash almost tripped over her own foot while trying to put her shoe on. "Spot's looking... Um... Sorry. Spot's looking for me? For what?"
Racetrack shrugged again. "Didn't say. Just told me to let you know if I saw you. He looked a bit disheveled though. Might be important."
"Christ," she muttered to herself. "I don't have time for this. I'll see you guys later. Be back tonight, Troop." She grabbed her bag and rushed out the door, closing it quickly behind her.
Trooper sat down on the armchair next to Racetrack and took out his domino tiles, placing them carefully on the coffee table. "You'd think the devil was on her heels with how quickly she ran out of here."
Racetrack reached out to draw his 7 tiles and looked at them. "Only when she's uncomfortable with something. Most of the time the object of her discomfort is Spot. I wonder if he's the reason she disappeared last night. She didn't come back to the lodging house like we thought she would."
Trooper raised an eyebrow and drew his tiles. "She didn't? Hmmm... Does she normally stay with you guys?"
Racetrack placed a tile on the starting tile to extend the line. "She has been lately. She's been sour at Spot off and on. This last fight they had wasn't too pretty. She had been staying at the women's quarters in Brooklyn, but Spot told her she wasn't allowed to anymore. She had to think quick on her feet and she somehow managed to convince Kloppmann to let her bunk with us temporarily."
Trooper snorted. "Leave it to her to convince a fully grown man to break the rules and let her sleep in a room full of guys."
Racetrack half smiled and shook his head. "Nah, Kloppmann wouldn't go for that. He cleared out the back room, piled everything into the utility closet. Made Jack pull a bed in there for her to keep us separate. Doesn't trust some of the other guys there, ya know."
Trooper pulled out a cigarette and stuck it between his teeth before placing his tile next to Racetrack's. "Smart man, Kloppmann. Wouldn't want anyone messing with my sister. Not that I would have to do anything, she can take care of herself." Trooper laughed and lit his cigarette, waving the match to extinguish it. "One time, this kid named Bill Jenkins tried to run by and pull up her dress in the schoolyard. She turned around and sucker punched him in the nose. Started cursing him out in German. He had to be sent home because he was bleeding all over his clothes. Never went near her again though."
Racetrack grinned at him. "She said she used to get in a lot of fights in the schoolyard, so that doesn't surprise me a bit."
Trooper let out a breath and puckered his lips. "I'm telling you; she used to throw down at school. But what could she do, really? We were teased constantly by everyone for who our dad was. And rumors get around fast when you're a kid. She was just sticking up for our family, even if some of it was true."
Racetrack drew a tile from the boneyard and sighed. He couldn't use it. He hated Dominos but it was one game that Joe was more partial to, mostly because he won 90 percent of the time. "That's one thing I like about her, you know. She stands up for the underdog, even if it's not in her best interest."
Trooper shrugged one shoulder and puffed on his cigarette. "'Cause she's always been an underdog. She knows what it's like."
"Loyal to a fault."
"What do you mean?"
It was Racetrack's turn to sigh. "I shouldn't be telling you this. I'm not supposed to breathe a word to anyone. But your sister has gotten wrapped up in a mess. And I'm partially to blame for it. Along with Jack. And Spot."
Trooper furrowed his eyebrows and leaned forward to look at Racetrack. "What kind of mess?"
"I can't get into specifics. I'll get my ass chewed if I do. But Flash has a good heart, and she's always willing to help a friend in need. I just feel bad that we need her. Keep an eye out, will you? I don't want anything happening to her. She's too..." he trailed off, trying to find the right word. "Important."
Trooper sat back in the armchair, a cheeky grin sprawled across his lips. "Race, you're sweet on my sister, ain't you?"
Racetrack felt the warmth creep onto his cheeks and his ears started to burn. "I am not, you bum." He took his cap off and raked a hand through his hair. "Take that back."
"No. Because you are. I can tell." He still had that same smug grin on his face and Racetrack threw a domino at him.
"That's ridiculous. I don't... I just... I was just trying to..." Racetrack scrambled for a sentence, the accusation catching him off guard. "I don't know. Maybe I am." he finished in resolution.
"You kiss her yet?"
Racetrack threw a hand up. "Don't be absurd! I would never."
"Well why not?"
Racetrack contemplated his question. On one hand, he thought they might have when Jack got hurt. All signs were pointing in that direction. On the other hand, he knew it would complicate things, even more so than they already were. And he couldn't ignore this very obvious dance that her and Spot were doing. No one could. You'd have to be blind.
"It'll make the mess... messier. And I don't want things worse. Just leave it, okay?"
Trooper placed another tile on the table and put out his cigarette. "Fine, I'll leave it be. But if you ever were planning on doing anything about it, I wouldn't dawdle. I have a feeling I know why she didn't come home last night. And if I'm correct on my assumption, your chances are dwindling down by the day."
Her feet hurt, her ankles hurt, and she was freezing. She had spent the whole day running around and selling, dodging Spot in the process. Flash knew why he was looking for her, and she wasn't interested in the conversation that was to be had. It was a conversation that she was familiar with from her time living at the women's quarters in Brooklyn.
Week after week, various girls would sob themselves to sleep after experiencing "the talk" with Spot Conlon. The one that ended with him telling them to hit the road. She wanted to punch herself in the face for being stupid enough to put herself in this position. She didn't want the awkwardness or the fake pleasantries beforehand. She just wanted to pretend that it didn't happen and move on.
She trudged her way through the gate of Trooper's house- her house now too- and quietly went through the front door. All the lights were off, and she assumed Trooper was either asleep or out. The latter was more likely because she knew that he and Racetrack had made plans to gamble with some of the other boys from the Manhattan and Queens lodging houses.
Flash threw her bag down on the couch and went to her room, closing the door behind her. She turned to flick on the light when a voice coming from the darkness made her jump out of her skin.
"You've been avoiding me."
She whirled around and met his gaze. His blue eyes swallowed her, and she desperately tried to find her way out of them. But she knew there was no way out. There never was.
"Spot! What the hell are you doing in my room? How did you even get in here?" Her eyes shifted to the curtain blowing lazily in the wind and she shot him a cold look. "You climbed in my window? Are you mental?"
He considered her question before smirking at her. "Maybe a bit. But for good reason."
"There is never a good reason to break and enter into a girl's room, Spot." She huffed at him and rubbed a hand across her face.
He leaned back on her bed and rested his body on his outstretched arm. "You've been avoiding me," he repeated.
She let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, that was the plan until you decided to make yourself unavoidable. How did you even find me?"
Spot chuckled at her question, his eyes gleaming in amusement. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, Allie. I got birdies everywhere. There ain't a thing I don't know about."
Flash sighed again and rubbed her temples, trying hard not to get too annoyed. She was tired and wasn't interested in doing this right now. Hence why she had done her best to steer clear of him today. "Look, Spot. You can save it. We don't have to talk about it."
"Talk about what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow and sitting back up on the bed.
"Don't be coy. You know that I'm referring to last night."
"Well, maybe I do want to talk about it."
"Yeah? Well, I don't. We can skate past it if you want. Pretend it didn't happen. Don't worry, I'm not going to act like all the other girls. I'm not stupid, I know I'm not your girlfriend."
Her words stung him a little and he put a hand on his chest instinctively. Did they have a different understanding about last night? Did she think that she was just like the rest of them?
"I can't pretend like it didn't happen, Allie."
"Yes, you can. It's easy, watch." She closed her eyes and shook her head quickly back and forth. "See? Gone."
"Hard to forget something like that when I can still taste you on my tongue," he toyed with her.
She felt her stomach jump and she took a sharp breath. He was giving her that look. The signature Spot smile with the eyes to match. This wasn't the talk she was prepared for, this was something else.
"Oh, um... Well, I don't know what to say to that. I'm out of witty remarks at the moment. Come back tomorrow for a fresh new batch."
Spot shook his head slowly. "I don't want to leave."
He was still staring directly into her being, his eyes trapping her there and she couldn't move. He got off the bed and slowly made his way over to her, not breaking eye contact.
"You're foolish to think I am just going to walk away. After a night like last night? Please." He whispered. "It wasn't just a one-off thing. I plan to keep doing it."
"Oh, is that so?" she stammered, turning her eyes to meet his.
He nodded silently and reached to grab his key necklace. He pulled it up over his head, examined it briefly, and then gingerly placed it around her neck, pulling her hair out of the way so it sat flush against her skin.
Flash's hand shot up and her fingers looped around the key, holding it in place. She knew this was his way of asking. But Spot wasn't really one to ask for the things he wanted. He just claimed them. And this was his way of claiming her.
"Does this mean that I'm..." she was cut off by his lips gliding over hers.
They kissed slowly, softly. The initial hesitation from last night was gone. This felt solid and sure.
Spot pulled away after a bit and smiled genuinely at her. "Mine. All for me."
Her heart felt like it was going to explode out of her chest, and she couldn't help but beam back at him. He wasn't the only one that had a way of getting what they wanted.
"This doesn't change the fact that I'm still tired. Come to bed?"
"Oh, I'm coming to bed with you, Allie. But that doesn't mean we're going to sleep just yet."