Summary: Noé fears that he has become a curse-bearer. But this curse is strange, as it seems to be a curse that he has not recognized from all the other curses he and Vanitas have seen in their travels. No, this is different.

A curse of feelings, feelings Noé is unable to understand, feelings he cannot discern. He can only compare them to what he may have felt towards Louis all those years ago, but this is stronger, more persistent. Something he has to find an outlet for to quell it.

He turns to drastic measures to feel nothing at all. Noé/Vanitas, yaoi, angst

Rated M: Drug Abuse/Withdrawals

Chapter Word Count: 2,993

Disclaimer: I shall forever not own any character as owned by Mochizuki Jun/Square Enix/Studio Bones. I'm just innocently borrowing them and making them do not-so-innocent things

Poison

Chapter 5

The following hours from there flowed through a haze. Vanitas brought Noé out of the den, meeting Dante who had been on watch outside; the vampire oblivious to the dham's shocked stare upon seeing him. They brought him out of Altus and into the bright human world, Noé keeping his eyes closed as much as he could, Vanitas quietly guiding him along. They boarded the soonest train straight back to Paris, as they were unable to afford the luxury of an airship between them.

The sun was too radiant, the sounds too overwhelming. His stomach wanted to lurch each time the train made too hard of a jerk. Sleep, retch, smoke, drink – Noé couldn't discern what his body wanted most. But the warm sturdiness of Vanitas against his side helped ease the anxiety, the familiarity, something reassuring to lean on and try not to dwell on every action that had led to this point.

A stray thought bleeds through while Noé presses the side of his head against the cool glass window – he had entirely forgotten to pick a souvenir from all his time in Marseille. How uncharacteristic of him. Now he didn't have a new trinket to show Vanitas and Domi, to bequeath them stories of his adventures while holding something tangible of his proof there. There had even been a trinket shop right next door to the den. But as he thought on it, he couldn't help but scoff; the only thing that would have made sense as a "souvenir" would have been an opium pipe, and assuredly no one wanted to see the proof of his lowest point.

The ride otherwise had been relatively quiet – Vanitas and Dante would occasionally murmur to each other, leaving Noé gratefully out of the conversation. He was incognizant to the concerned stares they would periodically direct towards him.

At some point, the vampire had dozed off, as the next moment he was being lightly jostled awake by a hand on his shoulder. "Come on," said Vanitas, "We're here."

The sun now hung low in the sky, casting the world into varying shades of gold. The three of them strode through the station to the streets of Paris – streets Noé had grown saccustomed to what felt like so long ago. He walked along with Vanitas and Dante; as they navigated the cobblestone streets, Vanitas provided steady support, guiding Noé through the labyrinth of boulevards. He found solace in his unwavering presence next to him, Vanitas' stride slower, quick to place a hand on Noé's arm to coax him forward intermittently. They walked along in silence, Vanitas and Dante sharing glances and nods, passing by the Galerie Valentine, the Grand Café Capucine.

Walking along, Noé retreated into his mind, the anxiety building, wondering what could be running through the vampire doctor's head about all of this – had he really spent all this time looking for him? What could possibly have prompted him to come to La Flamme? What could possibly be thinking at this moment with Noé next to him basically wearing rags?

Guilt began to creep in – his fault Vanitas had had to most likely put his life mission on hold, his fault he'd had to leave Paris, his fault Vanitas had been hurt, his fault his fault his fault-

Vanitas gently herded him into the doorway of Hotel Chou Chou. Violet eyes cast downward in awkwardness, not wishing to see the distressed expression of Mademoiselle Amelia at the desk, to hear her faint gasp, missing Vanitas quickly shake his head at her.

Dante clearing his throat before they began their assent up to their once shared room. "I'll let Riche know to contact Lady Dominique that he's been brought back. I'll, uh… I'll let you both settle in, it's been a long day, huh?" Ending with a nervous laugh, he took his leave.

The walk up the stairs was daunting; had he truly walked this daily before? His pace was slow, Vanitas matching his pace to not leave him behind. Easily leading his way to the room they'd so easily shared in what felt like an entire past life.

Vanitas opened the door to the room and let himself inside. Leaving it open with expectation of Noé to follow. The vampire stepped over the threshold, feeling as if a stranger. A nervous glance around, noticing the room was pristine, undisturbed like Vanitas hadn't been using it for a time as well.

"Sit down" said Vanitas, shutting the door behind them.

Noé nodded, going to the bed next to the window like had been his habit all along. The human grabbed a black, worn leather bag from the writing desk (the ghost of memories surfacing, the letters he'd written to Teacher, to Domi at that very desk, the note he'd left Vanitas before he'd gone).

"Shirt off," said Vanitas, setting the bag on the bed next to his thigh and started to move items around inside, searching.

"What?"

"You heard me. As you seem to have forgotten, I am a doctor." He pulled some tools out, holding a stethoscope and thermometer. "Now off!" Vanitas insisted, gesturing to Noé's chest, "I'm gonna do an exam."

Wide eyed and startled by Vanitas' demand, Noé promptly pulled the oversized threadbare fabric over his head to lay it next to his lap on the other side of the mattress. He watched as Vanitas' gaze dropped, a cursory glance down before getting to work. Without ask, the raven-haired doctor held up the mercury filled glass to Noé's lips, the vampire conceding and letting it be placed under his tongue.

He tried not to stare as Vanitas examined his body, watching as he used the stethoscope to listen inside his chest, used a magnifying glass to peer inside his ears, eyes and mouth, listening to his short gruff instructions to lift his arms, look at him, relax as he was truly examined with clinical concentration. Noé's insides squirmed at the intense scrutiny, Vanitas barely saying a word throughout. Couldn't help but be in awe that this was even happening, that he was back in Paris next to Vanitas at all.

"What are you looking for?" Noé finally came to ask as Vanitas peered closely at the thermometer's reading.

"You had expressed concern back in Altus-Marseille that you had a malnomen." Vanitas left his side, placing his tools and bag on the desk. "The opium may have made you lose your sense of self, but you have controlled your impulses for blood, have you not?" He glanced over, saw Noé's affirming nod. "You are not feverish, and your eyes are normal. Your reflexes are slow but normal. You've lost a lot of weight. Thus far, there's no malnomen." The doctor took a few steps over to flop down onto his own bed, finally looking at Noé, into Noé from across the small room. "However. You're about to become sick," he said, his voice and expression conveying full seriousness. "I don't know when or for how long, but it will come."

"Sick?"

Vanitas nodded. "Your body will work to remove the toxins of opium, all the while craving more of it. You'll go through withdrawal, developing a fever and nausea amongst other unpleasant symptoms." Vanitas sighed, pulling at the bow at his sternum. "We'll not be going anywhere until it subsides – you'll be under strict watch to make sure of it." He leaned over to work at unbuttoning the spats covering his shoes; Noé watched him move with rapt attention, noting the white wool more stained than he remembered. "I've not watched over a vampire go through opium withdrawal personally, but it will be difficult for you. When exactly did you last take opium?"

Noé's gaze went to the ceiling as he tried to recall; the day had been long and unexpected, some of the actions a blur. "This morning, though I'm unsure what time it might have been."

The human nodded, finishing with his spats and setting them on the floor. "Right. Well, you can go ahead with the shower and clean yourself up. You'll feel a bit better after, I'm sure. I'll go downstairs and take care of some things, send for Amelia to fetch you something to eat."

The door clicked shut softly behind himself. Noé did a double take, gaze freezing upon himself in the mirror. The image startled him- This isn't me… How had Vanitas recognized him like this, was able to look at him like this? Once snowy hair was greasy and grown out around his ears. He stared with tired, darkened eyes, fingertips coming to touch hollowed cheeks, sunken from the weight he'd lost in the time they'd been apart. Nothing about his image was right; the longer he looked, the more wrong it seemed. I look like hell, he realized with disbelief. The vampire looked down at his torso, the complexion pale and musculature misshapen. Couldn't help but touch at his chest, his ribs, as if touch was the only way to believe it to be his own body. How had he not noticed before?

He had no doubt he'd fail terribly at protecting anything at Vanitas' side with his current lack of strength, unable to fight or save any malnomen that might come their way.

With a heavy heart and turning away from the damning mirror, Noé went through the notions to turn the shower on and bathe. The water cascaded down over him with the steam it brought, the familiarity of the space, easing him into a calm he hadn't felt in so long. The warmth eased into the muscles that had been starting to ache.

Once finished and having realized he'd forgotten to bring clean clothes with him, he wrapped a towel around slim hips and used another to dry his hair as he stepped from the bathroom. He strode over to the chest of drawers only to startle at the sound of the front door opening.

Vanitas paused in the doorway, his gaze falling over the vampire before continuing inside. The door kicked shut as in his hands was a plate containing foods and a silver pitcher with two glasses.

"Amelia was busy so I got it myself. Here." He set the plate onto the desk. "You should eat something, drink. When was the last time you had a decent meal? I tried to get something easy on your stomach."

Noé's lips twisted; he genuinely could not recall. He looked over the offering, the bread and sliced apples. A small cup contained oil for the bread, the pitcher holding a dark red wine.

"You're not eating?" asked Noé, "you didn't eat on the train."

"I'm fine," said Vanitas dismissively. "Go ahead. The wine should help you sleep, at least."

The vampire wiped at the damp perspiration at his brow; was he still so warm from the shower? He stared down at the offered food, nothing in his body even remotely wanting any of it. However, Vanitas had gone through the trouble to slice it up and bring it for him. He reached for an apple slice out of guilt. He hurriedly swapped the towel for a set of lightweight pajamas from the dresser (still there, untouched, waiting for his return).

"How are you feeling?" asked Vanitas.

Noé came to sit on his bed (Memory stirring at their first night together in this very room, claiming it as his, a lifetime ago) once putting on a matching shirt. "Too warm. Antsy. Achey."

The ravenette nodded, looking toward the window where night had fully embraced the sky. He went to get up, heading towards it. "Please. Eat a little more. Drink. Try to get some rest." Vanitas paused, gaze falling sidelong at Noé for an extended moment. Noé felt the heaviness of his gaze, awe sweeping over him once more that Vanitas was in front of him at all.

Vanitas pulled away. "I'm glad to have found you," he stated quietly before opening the window to slip away to his usual perch on the roof.

Noé looked around with a sigh. Sleep felt like the last thing his body wanted. Getting up and going to the plate again, he reached for the bread and dipped it once into the offered oil. He pouted at the thought of drinking the wine, but he supposed Vanitas was (of course) right that it might help make him drowsy enough to rest as he nibbled the bread piece.

Was this really happening, and not some opium-induced vivid dream? He wondered as he poured himself a glass of the wine. After forcing himself away for so long, to come back and everything go back to how it was? Like it never happened?

Like the kiss never happened?

He downed a full glass with a few gulps, pouring himself as he made a face (Why red wine? Couldn't he at least have brought white?). The vampire hoped the bitter wine would help with whatever it was his body was feeling, oddly chilled though he was still minutely sweating. He hadn't thought to ask Vanitas about it farther before he'd darted out the window. Noé rubbed at his arms as he vaguely wished for at least a cigarette to distract himself with.

Being left alone in the warm but empty room left his mind to spiral- what had been the point of leaving, just to return? What if he hurt Vanitas again?He didn't want to hurt anymore…

"You're not eating…."

The sudden voice startled Noé to look towards the window, Vanitas hanging there with a warm smirk.

"I don't feel… right."

"I'm not surprised, I told you you'd get sick from withdrawals." Vanitas' gaze narrowed. "Hmmm…. Come up here with me."

A few moments with a few grunts later, Noé was seated next to the human on the rooftop of their hotel, greeted by the city of Paris sparkling with the lights of the night. He took a deep, grateful breath, the scent of the city and Vanitas starting to ease his earlier anxious spiral.

"I figured the fresh air would do you some good," said Vanitas.

"You're right," said Noe. He looked around at the city below; it wasn't so overwhelming like it had been earlier in the day, now with the sky dark and the commotion quieter. "It's still so pretty." The awe he'd felt the first time sitting in the very same spot hadn't diminished, like he was experiencing it for the first time all over again. It looked better here than it had during his vivid dreams on opium. "It's hard for me to believe that this isn't all a dream."

"Nope, it's real."

"Hm. By the way, where's Murr?"

"He's been watched by Count Orlock. He's been threatening to just keep him if you didn't turn up soon."

"Oh! I'll have to stop by tomorrow then and pick him up. I'm sure he's very upset with me. I'll need to thank the Count somehow."

A companionable silence came between them. Easy and warm, like they hadn't just spent months away from each other. Noé couldn't decide if he wished to gaze upon the city or the human more, but knew staring would put Vanitas on edge. Instead, he came to hug his legs and perch his chin on his knees, allowing the night and comfort bring him to a gentle sleepiness.

~X~

Consciousness slowly slipped into him, like grains filtering through an hourglass. He could feel himself enveloped inside the soft fabric sheets, sunken deep into the plush mattress. He could feel the warmth of his skin, too warm; could realize his shirt was missing. He felt himself slowly, steadily, inhaling, exhaling.

Noé couldn't open his eyes, the lids too heavy. His body seemed too heavy to respond, save for the continuous breathing.

He could hear just fine, the muffled voices nearby, something to focus on. The scent of multiple people, Vanitas and others, too far and indistinct yet. He tried harder to wake, seemingly just floating at the surface, unable to neither wake up or resubmurge back to unconsciousness.

"Hey Quack," said the voice of Dante, "he doesn't look too hot… Is he gonna make it?"

"Of course, Baldy." Confident, always so confident. "He is in the care of the best vampire doctor there is, after all!"

Noé relaxed at his voice in particular. Everything was going to be okay, wasn't it? Vanitas sounded so sure, putting him at ease and not into panic. (Why can't I wake up…?)

"Lady Dominique had been juggling the search for him along with her regular duties," said Johann quietly. "She was away on request from Marquis Machina – I received a message she is returning in haste upon the news he's been found."

Domi? Oh how he'd love to see her, but suddenly he felt fearful- to see him like this? How would she react? How many more times would he worry her? His eyebrows furrowed and groaned at the thought, not wanting to see Domi's sadness or pity at his sorry state. Realized with horror that this time he'd worried everyone. How can they all forgive me?

Wake up! Noé needed to voice his opinion desperately, stay away!

Vanitas sighed. "I don't want to overwhelm him during his recovery, but I know better than to try and stop her.

"How long do you think it'll take?" Dante asked.

A pause, a shuffle. "I'm not sure. I haven't witnessed opium detoxification in vampires previously. For humans, it takes weeks or even months, though vampiric bodies do metabolize faster." The warmth of a hand covering his own. "I will do all in my power for him."

Noé wished so badly to be able to just twist his wrist, gladly grasp Vanitas' hand into his and not let go. A comfort he never imagined could happen in reality but was so close to actually happening.

Instead, his consciousness finally slipped under the water to take him back to slumber.