Later than expected, due to technical glitch, but here we are...
A Family Divided Part V.
As the three friends talked in the West Village, out on Long Island Jeff was also enjoying his lunch, having spent his morning firstly with a swim and then relaxing on the beach in the warm sunshine. As a result, his normally pale skin had taken on a golden-brown hue, and he felt a lot less tired than he had in a very long time. In his sketch pad there were now numerous completed sketches, and the one that he was most proud of was the self-portrait that he had begun with. In his eyes, it managed to convey just how vulnerable he felt at a time when he was having to deal with so much change and upheaval in his life. As he had passed the days in solitude in Port Jefferson, he had come to realise that he had been living under too much stress long before everything had come to a head; he had tried his best to keep the peace between father and son and to be on nobody's side, but in the end he had been torn apart emotionally by it all…
Being alone at the beach house was a great way for him to start the healing process, as he had no stresses there at all, but he knew that the process back to normality, or indeed the new normal, would be a slow one. The rage that he felt towards Nick had diminished a lot, but he still did not want to see him right now, as the very notion of being in the same space filled him with pain and anxiety. As for Wes, Jeff realised that the anger he felt towards his son had actually grown a little, as he had now had time to think over events, and he now saw clearly that not everything that had occurred could be laid at Nick's door. Wes had provoked Nick more than once, and he deserved the wrath that his father had felt towards him for that. He had received a couple of text messages from Wes in the last week, both of them apologising to him for not warning him what was coming. Whilst they were clearly genuine, he also saw the subtext, namely that his son actually blamed him a little for the situation there; that he had not felt able to trust his papa not to immediately warn Nick what his plans were…
That stung Jeff more than a little, as he had always been fair with his son, keeping the secrets that he wanted kept from his father without hesitation or question. That was part of the reason that he had not replied to his text messages, wanting his son to realise that he was hurting and that he was not an innocent in all of it. However, Jeff had responded to the text message that he had received from Tim, telling the young man that was his son's soulmate that he was as okay as could be expected in the circumstances, but that he was not ready to speak openly to anyone, especially not his husband or son. Tim's response had been just as Jeff had anticipated from the very moral younger man. He said that he understood, as he himself was not all that happy with the entire scenario that he now found himself in.
If there was one thing that surprised Jeff a little about the last week, it was the fact that he had not received any more angelic visits. It wasn't that he was unhappy about that, far from it – he had been dreading being on the receiving end of dozens of them. He had expected to see a lot of Kurt, who had always been the closest of them all to him, but he knew that he would take a tone, even if he was supposed to be impartial, that would be more or less anti-Nick. Whilst the blond could understand just why Kurt would take that tone, it would still annoy him, as despite everything, Nick was his soulmate; he would not have been able to take his husband's name being dragged through the gutter constantly and might even have lashed out in the end. No, when all things were considered, Jeff had discovered that his current solitude was actually very much to his liking…
He was thus more than slightly annoyed when he suddenly heard a knocking at the front door. His current place of residence was isolated enough that random callers were not an occurrence, so the person at the door had to be someone that he knew, someone that knew he was there. He let out a despairing sigh, hoping that it was not Nick, because although his soul would be touched that his soulmate came enough to come and visit him when he was still feeling pain, the rest of him would see it as a breech of the terms that he had laid out to his husband when he had left the West Village house that they had once shared as a family; he was not sure that he would be able to forgive him for doing so…
He also was not quite sure how he would react if the person at the door was Trent or Mike for that matter; they were both people that he suspected might arrive to see him at some point, worried by the lack of communication from him and fearing the worst. Whilst he would be touched by that concern, he was doing just fine. He headed to the door slowly, then opened it with great caution, wishing that there was a spyhole like the one back in the West Village on the beach house door, so he could see who was there beforehand. Then he saw who was standing on the doorstep and he had to admit that he was surprised to see them there…
"Hello cuz," said Luke, his face suffused with sadness. "I know you might not want to see anyone right now, but I decided that I was going to come along anyway. The fact is that this time I know that it is not an April Fool's prank, and that you and Nick are apart; I had to come and see that you were okay… In any case, I was not the only person that was anxious to come and pay you a visit…"
Jeff was momentarily confused by that last part, until he looked over at the car that was now parked in the driveway and observed a figure standing beside it. They came over to join them then, and Jeff couldn't help but smile at her. "Hello mother, how are you?"
Elspeth looked at him sadly, then said, "Conflicted… This is the first time that I have been to this house in almost three decades, and I have memories of my own here, not all of them good. However, all of that is now in the past and my main concern here is for your welfare, the same as any other good mother. I can understand only too well why you needed to get away and also why you craved your own company and solitude, but there comes a time when you do need to have someone with you, someone with whom you can discuss how you are really feeling without any qualms. I understand exactly how it feels to discover that a man that you trusted has done things that have left you distraught; how it feels to think that you have lost a child forever. If you want to talk about it, then we can, but if not, you and I can just enjoy the view and the sunshine…"
The more he thought about his mother's words, the more Jeff realised that she was the only person he knew that had been in his position during her own life. However, she had not arrived on her own…. "I think that it might be good to talk, but…"
"If you don't mind, I am going to go and have a nice long swim; much as I love life in Vermont, I love swimming in the sea even more, so I am going to take full advantage of the opportunity to do that right now," said Luke then, with a grin. "I might not have admitted as much to Aunt Elspeth, cuz, but half my reason for offering to accompany her here today was to get some time on the beach…."
Luke was quite happy to just head off through the house and out into the little cove at the back, where he could enjoy the water and the beach, leaving Jeff to sit in the kitchen with his biological mother. He made tea first and then came to sit alongside her at the table, which looked out over the scene before them, where Luke was now swimming in the bay. It was Elspeth that broke the silence with a question. "I shall ask you the most important question first; are you still in love with Nick? I am guessing that has not changed, even after all he has done…"
Jeff nodded, then replied quietly, "He is still my soulmate, the man that completes me, and being here without him and not even speaking to him on the telephone has felt strange, but at the same time, I have not hated every moment. I thought that it was for the best that I came here alone, given the circumstances; I was so angry with him that I wasn't being entirely rational, and I might have said terrible things had I stayed around him. I feel much calmer now and I have also realised that whilst my anger when Wes left was entirely directed at Nick, I now feel angry with my son too, and also myself. I can't stop thinking that there was more that I could and should have done to prevent all of this happening; I should have spoken out and fought harder against things when Nick told me what he was going to do…"
Elspeth nodded, then said, "I fought back against your father, but all that happened in my case with Gordon was that I ended up getting badly hurt, at first physically and then emotionally. That is something that Nick would never have done to you – hurt you physically. He abhors violence, whereas Gordon saw it as necessary… You have one other advantage over me, and that is that you know where your son is and can in time talk to him on video calls; he is not lost to you entirely, as you were to me for so long. Of course, those kinds of calls are no real substitute for him being physically present, but they will help. I am also certain that you will not allow Nick to do anything like this again, and I doubt that he would even think of doing so now he has seen the consequences. You can hold him to account now on every decision that he makes…."
"I will certainly try to, if I ever feel ready to forgive him for his actions…."
"Jeff, you do not have to forgive him fully, just try and forget that it happened. If you say it is forgotten, then you have to stick to that pledge as well, as he will soon get angry if you throw it in his face every time you have the slightest disagreement over anything. There are so many couples where that scenario is the case, and there the person that brings up that one misdemeanour constantly is as guilty as damaging the relationship as there partner is. There is an old saying, that to err is human, and that is so very true. None of us on this earth are infallible, and those that act as if they are, well they are making a very grave mistake. It is far better to admit that we are human and that we have made a mistake; I am reliably informed that your husband has admitted his error in a public forum…"
"He has done," said Jeff with a sigh, "and I suppose that is a good start, but at this precise moment I am not sure if that is going to be enough to make me want to go home to him. The thought of being alone with him in that house, a place filled with happy family memories, just makes me shiver right now…. I have never spent any real time here in Port Jefferson in the winter, but I have a feeling that this coming winter might be the first time I experience what it is like…."
Elspeth nodded then, but she was a little concerned over what he had just said. She had not expected to hear him say that his stay out on Long Island would extend beyond the summer; in fact, she had been expecting to arrive at the beach house to find that he was packing up and preparing to head back to the city. However, it appeared that the reverse might be the case; Jeff was in no hurry at all to return to the life he had known in the West Village….
There really wasn't much else that could be said on the topic after that, and so the conversation moved on to one that was more of a family catch up, Elspeth telling Jeff all that was going on up in Vermont, and how well everything was going up there for her niece and nephew. "Luke and Duncan are doing so much more of the day-to-day stuff now, as none of us are getting any younger; your aunts are not quite as active as they once were. Of course, the real success story in all of this is Cameron, whose carpentry skills have now managed to earn him orders from across the country. The restoration work that he did in the local church was the catalyst for it all, as he made an exquisite job; in fact, he has now been approached by the Governor's Office to carry out some restoration work at the State House in Montpelier, something that all of us see for the great honour it is…"
"Hmm, I suspect that Cam does not see it in quite the same way as the rest of you though," Jeff surmised, and his mother nodded.
"He was determined to say no at first, but then Flora convinced him to go and take a look at what work it was they wanted done at least. He came back with his opinion changed; he loved what he would be working with and the materials he would be using there; he decided that it would be well within his capabilities. He will be starting work on the task next month. Of course, I think his decision was helped by the fact that we might have let his parents know what he had been asked to do, and their positive reaction to it was a help. They were overjoyed to hear he had been asked to do something so important, and as you will be well aware, they haven't always been the most supportive of his choice of career. I think that they can finally see that not only is he happy, but he is also successful in his field…."
Jeff smiled, and said, "I am very pleased for him as well; can you pass on my best wishes to him the next time that you speak to him?"
Elspeth nodded, then heard the sound of footsteps outside, Luke now heading back in, whistling as he approached the door to give even more warning to those inside. Jeff chuckled as his cousin stepped in and immediately started to tell them both just how much he had enjoyed his swim, but now he was feeling hungry and thirsty. He got up and went to make fresh drinks and see what he could rustle up for his cousin to eat….
Elspeth watched as her son pottered about in the kitchen, aware that she would not get another chance now to speak to Jeff in private that day; they were limited to how long they could stay by the timetable of the ferry that ran across from Port Jefferson to Bridgeport, as they needed to get home that night. She excused herself to head to the bathroom, and then on her way back she glanced into the sitting room, where she saw Jeff's sketchbook lying open; curiosity immediately got the better of her. What she saw worried her a little. There was a stark self-portrait in front of her, with a conspicuous thing missing - the tattoo on his chest. Seeing that omission made her breath hitch, but then she realised that she was being observed by her son and felt guilty….
"Don't worry, it isn't finished yet; there is one very important thing I need to add to complete it. I will confess that I considered leaving it out, but I couldn't do that to Nick; it would destroy him, and that would make me as bad as him…"
Elspeth nodded and just hoped that he meant his words and wasn't trying to placate her; that tattoo was a part of him after all. It was then that something else hit her and once she was back at the kitchen table, she cast her eyes down at her son's hands. She was beyond relieved to see that he was still wearing his wedding ring….
Jeff for his part made sure that Luke remained beside him for the remainder of the time that he and Elspeth were present, as he was not convinced that she believed him when he said that the portrait was not finished, and frankly he did not want that conversation to take place. His head was now much clearer than it had been when he began the piece and now, he knew he had to draw everything with total accuracy. The conversation remained about the lives of those he loved in Vermont, but in the end, it veered back to him and Nick.
It was Luke that would actually be the one to ask the question directly, a topic that Elspeth had steered around but never came right out about. Jeff had smiled at his cousin, then said, "I am not entirely sure yet when I will head back to the city; there is just so much that I can draw here, and I am becoming accustomed to the solitude that I have. I am aware that the winters out here can be tough though and whilst I might be a country boy in the summer months, I think I am definitely a city one in the colder months when I need my creature comforts. I don't know if I would be able to cope here in the middle of a blackout, huddled around the fireplace as a storm rages outside. We will see though…"
Jeff paused, then said, "Of course, I don't have to actually stay in the country during the winter months; I could head south like the birds do. I have always wanted to see some of South America, so maybe I could spend my winter in Brazil. Rent an apartment in Rio de Janeiro and spend time on Copacabana Beach in between drawing all the landmarks…"
Luke looked at his cousin in surprise at that statement, and was about to ask him what that plan would mean for Nick, when a glance from his aunt was enough to stop him speaking. "That does sound like a wonderful plan, but it is very hot there all year round, and I know that you aren't a great lover of very high temperature," Elspeth said. "You might find somewhere even further south like Buenos Aires or Santiago has a better climate for your liking." It was Jeff's turn then to look surprised, as he had expected his mother to tell him not to be ridiculous and there she was suggesting where he could go…
All too soon though it was time for Luke and Elspeth to head off to ensure that they caught the last ferry back across to Bridgeport, and the hugs that came with that moment were long. Jeff made a solemn promise that he would call his mother soon and then waved them off with a smile. Then he was alone once more, and all was right in his world. As he headed back inside, he considered calling Trent, breaking his self-imposed solitude, as his best friend had always been a good listener, and he could chat things out with him. In the end, however, he decided not to; there was only one person that should decide when he should return home, so the decision had to be made alone. He knew that he would go back; he could not stay away forever, even if he wanted to, but that did not mean that he had to go back to the life he had once had, albeit a version without his son. In fact, he realised that even if he and Nick were sharing an address once more, then it didn't necessarily follow that they would be sharing a bed at night as well…
The situation between Jeff and Nick did not alter at all over the course of the next fortnight and as the third weekend since they had parted ways arrived, all those that were living in the West Village could see the changes in Nick. His smile, which had almost always been present, was now gone completely, and he walked swiftly with his eyes downcast as he headed along the street on his way to and from his work at the UN each day, carefully avoiding conversation with anyone. Those that observed him on his return from work each evening could not fail to notice two things; firstly, that he was arriving home much later and secondly that he always was carrying a takeout bag, no longer bothering to cook now he was preparing a meal for one. He seemed to have lost much of his energy too and having been so used to Jeff having his evening meal ready for him as soon as he arrived home, he fell into the trap of not bothering to even try and avoid the unhealthier food either.
He had received numerous offers from his concerned friends and neighbours to join them for dinner, but he politely but firmly declined each one, stating that he had a lot of pressure at work and could not guarantee what time he would be leaving the office. In the end, Mike managed to get round that one by actually letting himself into the house the day after his return from vacation and was then there with a freshly made meal when his friend arrived home; seeing it, Nick discarded the bag of takeout he had been carrying straight into the trash and proceeded to devour the food as if he had been starved of nourishment for weeks. Mike made a point of eating alongside him, making conversation and just listening to how Nick's day had been, all things that Jeff had done. As he did so, Mike couldn't help but observe that his friend seemed close to tears at times, and so he avoided one topic of conversation altogether, namely how his own little family was doing; he did not want to remind Nick that his was no longer around….
When he left that evening, Nick embraced him for much longer than usual, and Mike allowed him too, knowing full well that his former roommate was currently starved not just of good food but also of human contact, something that he had taken for granted before. Then, as he pulled away from Mike, Nick whispered, "I think that he might never come back here…unless I leave. There are some little studio apartments near the UN that are rented by a lot of my colleagues for a very reasonable rate, so maybe I should consider moving into one of them so that Jeff can come home to his house…."
Mike looked horrified that his friend could even be thinking such things, and swiftly replied, "That is the last thing that Jeff would want to happen, at least in my opinion. No matter what has happened between you, he would never want to see you moving away from him and all of your mutual friends. To not have you close would hurt him. Okay, so if you really think he will not come back whilst you are in the same house, then offer to move into the guest apartment for a while; that way you can still see each other easily and you don't lose all of us."
Nick looked at Mike then, and shook his head, but before he could speak again, Mike went on. "Look, we all know that you need Jeff and that he needs you. No matter what has happened, that will never change. I very much doubt that he is out there on Long Island turning cartwheels and enjoying himself on a daily basis because you aren't around; you have to trust me on that one, and honestly, I think any one of your friends that you asked would say the same thing."
Nick nodded, but once Mike had left, he allowed his mind to slump back into despair, questioning just how accurate his friend's words were now, after all that he had done. He had not heard it directly, but there was a disquieting rumour in the air that his husband had told someone that he was intending to see what winter was like in Port Jefferson. That season was months away, the fullness of summer barely even begun, and yet Jeff had been making plans for it. He knew that whilst none of his friends or family were talking about it directly, that there were some that were thinking that an intervention might be needed; provide a reason for Nick and Jeff to be together in the same place with no chance of avoiding each other. If such an event could include Wes as well, then it would be even better, but he was a distant prospect now, so far from them all on another continent. Still, even to have Niff restored would leave them all feeling a little less unsettled and wary of what might be lying ahead…
In the heavenly realms, such sentiments were also being thought, as all of the angels agreed that Nick and Jeff should be together, even Kurt. What most of them did not know was that something was in the offing that would indeed force the couple to share a common space. Those that were aware sat in an office side-by-side, husbands united in managing the very busy collections department, who had been notified in the lists from Elizabeth of a collection that Wes had allocated to his husband, not feeling able to do it himself. Thad had initially stated that he too would find the task an onerous one, but after a few hours of contemplation, he had changed his mind and saw it now as a duty and an honour…
It would turn a lot of things on their head and would mark the end of an era in much the same way that the death of Queen Elizabeth II had, albeit for a much smaller group of people. The ripple effect from it would hit both of the Sterling-Duvals equally and would hit their son and Tim as well. The latter two would be too far from the event to return to home easily, as they were barely settled into their new lives and would not be allowed time off to fly thousands of miles, much as their hearts would want to. There would be no such restrictions on Niff though and no possibility of avoiding it without causing distress and anger…
For now, Wes and Thad just watched from above as the world went on without any knowledge of what was about to transpire. It was the summer, and people were making the most of the weather and the time off, in the main. At Dalton, of course, it was a slightly different story, as the new academic year was approaching and those that ensured the school remained one of the best in the nation were preparing lesson plans and making certain the dorms and buildings were in ideal condition for an influx of new students. Sebastian had begun to make a start on the new drama programme and was also thinking ahead to the campaign to secure the Warblers yet another win in the choir competition that they had dominated for so long. However, as he walked through the campus at Dalton he felt an unease, a fear that the new term would be markedly different; he could not put his finger onto why he felt that way, but there was just something in the air that made him worried. He hoped that he was wrong, as with the turmoil of events with his friends still firmly in his mind, he was not sure how he would cope with even more stress.
Unfortunately, as is so often the case in life, he was about to find out…