6 - but it's not easy to pretend

Travelling together was nothing short of a nightmare. The tension between them was a substantial thing, heavy and brittle, like glass ready to shatter. But as the days stretched on, things… ameliorated. Neither of them spoke of the argument nor the sudden explosion of sorrow and truth that had torn through Natsu's careful composure. They simply kept moving, each day bleeding into the next.

As time went on, the silence no longer felt as sharp. It dulled with familiarity, growing into something almost tolerable. Natsu led the way, his eyes fixed on the broken landscape ahead. Lucy, once again let off the horse, followed, her wrists still bound to his, the chains between them clinking softly with every step.

Every once in a while, he would glance back to make sure she was still keeping pace. And every once in a while, she would catch him looking, their eyes meeting for the briefest of moments before they both turned away.

Lucy tried not to think about what had happened. About his outburst and the pain hidden beneath his anger. But it lingered in her mind, pressing into her thoughts whenever the silence stretched too long. They had both lost something irreplaceable. Perhaps they weren't as different as she'd thought. But whatever similarity they shared, he clearly wasn't interested in discussing. And she wasn't about to pry open wounds that clearly hadn't healed again.

Instead, she focused on the odyssey itself. The heat and dust of the Wastelands sapped away her energy quicker than she expected, and the uneven terrain left her stumbling more often than not. She tried not to let it show, but Natsu's occasional breaks told her he noticed anyway.

Somehow, they managed to fall back into a routine. When they stopped to rest, she sat down without making a fuss. When he barked an order, she obeyed. Not out of submission, but out of a weary acceptance that fighting him at every turn would get her nowhere.

Still, she couldn't stop the ever-present questions clouding her mind.

Were they still heading to Magnolia? Or had Natsu's emotional outburst snapped him back to his senses? What was his plan now? Why was he still bothering to drag her along with him when he clearly wanted nothing to do with her?

She watched him intently as they walked, trying to piece together the puzzle of the man who had so thoroughly shattered her life. The Natsu who walked beside her now wasn't exactly some merciless monster like the stories said. He was something else. Something more complicated.

It frustrated her beyond reason that she couldn't figure him out. The more time she spent with him, the less sense he made. His ignorance might've been the worst part. He still thought her a spoilt princess throwing a fit. A naïve, sheltered girl rebelling against a life of luxury because she didn't know how good she had it. But he couldn't have been more wrong. She was fleeing from something much darker. Something likely far more terrifying than whatever corrupt past had befallen her captor.

Her father had killed her mother.

The knowledge still haunted her, a terrible truth buried deep within her heart.

If he had killed the queen so easily, how long would it be before he decided his daughter was expendable too? How long before she became just another obstacle in his endless pursuit of power, if she wasn't already? Who else had he killed?

She wished Natsu knew the truth. Maybe he already did. After all, he was the executioner now. But she couldn't ask. Not without finding answers for herself first. For now, she'd keep her knowledge to herself. If it was fated, he'd learn eventually.

The days began to pass quicker. Even if their entanglement was slowly improving, Lucy took every opportunity that presented itself to destroy their attachment. Natsu kept her under lock and key, never giving her a chance to escape. Even in his sleep, he was always alert. No matter how quietly she moved, he woke to the smallest of sounds.

One night, as he slept against a dying tree far from her as possible, she tried to steal his horse. She wrapped their chain link around the trunk. If everything went as planned and the horse took off quick enough, it would snag on a branch and snap. Or it would rip his arm off. Either way, she'd be rid of him and his poor attitude. She jumped on the horse and yanked at the reins, kicking and pushing, but the stallion refused to budge.

Natsu yawned, never opening his eyes. "Don't let her fool you, Happy. There's nothing she can give you."

Lucy froze, staring at him in disbelief. How had he known? Frustrated, she tried to dismount, but with her hands bound, she fell clumsily to the ground. She sat there in the dirt, annoyed and embarrassed as the horse slowly settled beside her.

She huffed, glancing sideways at her captor. "Why did you name your horse 'Happy'?"

Natsu remained silent. Then slowly, he opened his eyes, looking at her with an unreadable expression. "I didn't," he finally said, that slight air of sadness he sometimes carried returned in full force. "An old friend did."

Lucy tilted her head. "You had friends?" She stifled a laugh. Natsu only huffed and looked away. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Tell me about your friend." Lucy pressed gently.

"No."

She continued pestering him, asking throughout the day as they travelled, her curiosity growing stronger. "Just a name," she pleaded. "Give me that much, at least."

He stopped, sighing in frustration before finally muttering, "Lisanna."

Lucy hesitated, feeling she'd stumbled onto something breakable. Carefully, she asked, "Do you still talk to her?"

"She's dead," he responded all too bluntly.

"Oh," she whispered, quietly sinking back down into silence. Really, she didn't know what she expected. "I'm sorry."

Natsu didn't respond. Instead, he pulled his visor back over his eyes, shutting her out completely. He stood up and circled the tree to unwrap their chain. Lucy only watched.

As their journey stretched onward, their little arguments did eventually persist, fuelled by lingering stubbornness, yet things were still changing. Lucy was unsure of her newfound compassion towards the black-clad knight. The more they spoke, the more questions would arise of his history. She wished she could just… read him. Like a novel. She wanted to know the full story.

They did return to the Dark Forest. She spotted it as they neared it, utterly terrifying from a distance. She didn't like that they were headed towards it. It only made her think they truly were returning to Magnolia.

"Are we really going back in there?"

"No." Natsu didn't look at her. His voice was flat. Distant. Like he was just ticking off steps on a list someone else had written. His focus remained on the terrain ahead. "We can't stay the night on this side. It's Balam Alliance territory. We'll have to keep to the outskirts of the forest until we can get back over the border farther east."

Lucy's eyes widened. Magnolia wasn't east. So he had changed his mind again. Another course correction. Another sharp turn with no warning. The constant back and forth was starting to make her dizzy.

Still, if there was one advantage to being bound to him, it was that he knew these lands. He knew who ran what, and where the danger lay. She didn't. Even if this journey wasn't by choice, she'd come to rely on him more than she liked to admit.

She found herself wondering what might've happened if she'd made it to the Wastelands alone. Would she have survived the first night? Probably not. She tried to shake the thought. Her hands reached down, tugging the tattered edge of her dress below her knees.

They stopped near the edge of the crumbling forest, where trees gave way to flat, cracked earth that stretched toward the horizon. Natsu had muttered something about making camp, his tone gruff and impatient as he began rummaging through meagre supplies.

Lucy eyed him warily, her attention drifting to their surroundings. Nothing but desolation met her vision. Barren land against the fragile, curled remnants of trees, like corpses half-buried in the earth. Yet something out of place caught her eye.

A small piece of fabric fluttered from a low-hanging branch. Its once-white surface was now stained with grime and age, but it had held firm against the elements. It swayed leisurely in the light breeze, like a signal waiting for someone to come back and find it. She thought back to the white scarf that hung similarly from a branch at their last camp in the same forest. It was too much of a coincidence not to question again.

"Have you been here before as well?" She asked. He didn't bother to respond, too busy securing Happy to a fallen tree. Lucy stomped over to a nearby log and dropped herself onto it with exaggerated drama, crossing one leg over the other. "Well?"

"Well, what?" He grumbled, not even sparing her a glance.

"Tell me about her."

"About who?" He pulled off his helmet, allowing her the uncommon opportunity to study his face.

"The girl you met out here," she tilted her head. His eyes flickered her way, the irritation in his gaze almost enough to make her smile. She was starting to enjoy getting under his skin again. "Did you love her?" She pressed.

He barked out a dismissive laugh, but there was no real amusement in it. And he offered no real answer. There was no point telling her. The past couldn't be changed, and the future had already been bought and sold. He was just delivering what was promised.

Lucy's gaze trailed back to the old fabric, her eyes absently tracing the lace edges. The more she studied it, the more it seemed like a remnant of something important. She stood up, reaching for it. "You mean to tell me this pretty white handkerchief was left by you?"

"You talk too much," he growled.

Okay, so he wasn't in a sharing mood. She let her hand fall back to her side. If he wasn't going to give her anything willingly, she'd just have to force something else out of him. "You participated in a rebellion against my father," she stated, slow and steady. "From what I've heard, it nearly worked."

Natsu's shoulders stiffened. His fingers paused in their restless sorting. "It didn't 'nearly work'," he said, a little too scornfully. "We were massacred."

"Even so," she continued, ignoring his ire, "what you did was clear, dead treason. Why did he let you live?" He didn't answer. The silence stretched, growing tense and uncomfortable. Lucy kept pushing, the clutches of curiosity not letting go. "What happened to you, Natsu?"

His eyes snapped to her, deader than she wanted to see. "What do you care?"

She scoffed. "You drag me around like some sort of punishment to yourself, but you refuse to include nor speak to me. I want to understand what's happening now. You're not trying to ransom me or kill me, yet you hold me like a hostage. You've had every chance to be rid of me, but you won't. And clearly, we have a common enemy. So, what the hell are you trying to do?"

His jaw tightened, his expression like stone. But something in her words must have hit a nerve, because he finally sat down, his posture slumped. For a moment, she thought he would ignore her as he always did, brushing off her questions like she was nothing but a gnat buzzing in his ear.

Only this time, he turned to face her, eyes lit with something dark, something concerning. "You really don't get it?"

"What the hell am I supposed to get?" she snapped, louder than intended. "You steal me from an inn at the very end of my escape on my father's order, disappear from the palace only to show up again out of nowhere months later just to drag me across this desert—probably also on his order—you threaten me, try to sell me off, and now you're just... what? Leading me on some pointless journey to nowhere against his order? Explain it to me."

He sat quietly for a moment, contemplating something. Then, he asked, "were you really trying to go to Alvarez?"

Lucy blinked, thrown off by the sudden question. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Why else would you have been heading straight for their border?" Natsu's eyes dissected her with every word. "Did you think they'd just take you in? Shelter the runaway princess of their greatest enemy?"

"Well, yes," she admitted. "I thought— I thought if I made it to their territory, they'd… let me stay. They'd protect me in exchange for information about the kingdom. And my father's weaknesses."

Natsu's laughter was rough and harsh, tearing through her like jagged steel. "I knew you were just a stupid princess but talk about sheltered."

"Get to the point."

"You have no idea what you were walking into, don't you?" His olive eyes bore into her. "Do you know why their armies have been growing more desperate over the years? Why their attacks have been relentless, no matter how many of their soldiers your father's men slaughter?"

Lucy faltered. She didn't understand the question. "They... they want to win the war, obviously. They want my father's kingdom. They—"

"They want you."

The words cut through her head like a guillotine.

"Me?"

"Yes, you," he pushed himself off the ground. "Jude's stolen armies have been slaughtering the people of Alvarez for thirty years, but they've been at a stalemate forever. For Alvarez, it's not just about revenge. It's about power. They believe only by spilling the blood of their enemy, they can solidify their place on top. Killing you is the key to victory."

Disbelief crashed over Lucy like a tidal wave. "That's insane. They... they'd just kill me? Not even question me first, or hear me out? I didn't start the war."

"They don't care about what you of all people has to say." Natsu's words were merciless. "They've been looking for you since the day you were born, but the capital is pretty far from the border, no? It's exactly why Jude's been hiding you away like a precious little treasure."

"That's not true!" Her fists clenched, nails biting into her palms. She quivered with rage. "My father doesn't give a damn about me! He made that perfectly clear when he tossed me in the dungeon," she spat. Natsu raised an eyebrow with something that looked like interest, but Lucy continued. "Even if he did care, surely I've already been replaced. I'm just... expendable! Nothing. They can hold me as prisoner to be tortured, or kill me if they want, it won't change anything."

"Alvarez doesn't know that." Natsu flicked a small flame in his hand, a silent reminder to Lucy of where he hailed from. "Or maybe they do and just don't care. It isn't necessarily your death that they want to stir Jude. It's your blood they need. For a ritual."

The chill that washed over her was icy as the river she nearly drowned in months ago. "My... my blood? For… a ritual." The words tasted foreign on her tongue, her mind struggling to comprehend the sheer insanity of it all. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm dead serious. It's why we still fight." His tone did not waver, his focus remained steady as he extinguished the flame in his fist. "This isn't just about revenge or territory. It's desperation. They're losing. Alvarez never loses. But right now, they're being pushed back. Forces are dwindling. There's no time now for their children to train, they're being thrown to the frontlines and slaughtered. Their only chance at winning now is through you. Your death. Your sacrifice. And it's a soldier's duty to hold the line."

"That's... barbaric. And completely wrong." Her voice trembled. "It's insane. They can't just—"

"But they can," Natsu cut her off. "And they will. The moment they find out you've crossed onto their lands, they'll drag you to their altar and slit your throat before you can beg for mercy."

Lucy stared at him, her mouth slightly agape as the words sank in. Her head spun, the world tipped dangerously, she felt like she would slide off the edge. And then, like a match thrown to a pile of dead leaves, her temper ignited. "What does any of this have to do with me now?! I won't go to Alvarez, fine. There's plenty of other places I can go. Hell, I'll be better off living for the rest of my days in this gods-forsaken forest!"

"I'm taking you to Alvarez." It was all he could offer her now. One last betrayal in a life full of them.

Lucy stilled. That single sentence felt like a knife to the heart. No, worse. Like a thousand knives skewering beneath her ribs, gutting her from the inside out. Her vision blurred, red creeping into the corners of her sight. And then, something inside her snapped.

"Ah." The breath slipped from her lips, something strangled and soft. Of course. Why wouldn't he take her to Alvarez? He wanted her dead, shame on her for forgetting.

Then, before she could even think, it tore out of her. A scream. A straightforward, high-pitched release of unfiltered fury. Her voice splintered from the force of it. She screamed until her throat burned. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Again, the minute she puts the tiniest bit of faith in him, he proves himself the devil. "You coward!" She threw herself at him, pounding her fists helplessly against his solid armour until they began to hurt. He didn't even react.

Hatred surged through her like a pernicious parasite. She felt the blood rising in her throat. So close, she could taste it. Her whole body trembled with rage, with the sickening realisation of just how much of a fool she'd been. To feel compassion for a cold-blooded killer? What was wrong with her? She hated him. For a man who wanted her dead so badly, he was just a recreant. He might as well do it himself, only he wouldn't. What a-

"I should've known," she hissed, her voice scratchy from screaming. "Of course. Of course, you're taking me there after telling me all that. You can't just do it yourself, can you? You're nothing but the ghost of a gutless, filthy coward." She muttered, leaning hopelessly against him.

"I thought you wanted to die?" His expression remained indifferent. That only made her rage boil hotter.

Lucy held back a laugh. "Then I should be grateful to you, shouldn't I?" She was eerily calm, the kind of calm that came before a terrible storm as she stepped back, letting her fists fall from his chest. "You gave me the chance to see the world for the first and last time. How generous of you."

Natsu's gaze was cautious, searching her face like he was trying to read some hidden message. He didn't have to search for anything, she wasn't done. Not nearly.

"Did Lisanna get to see the world?"

The words left her mouth before she could weigh them. For a moment, she almost regretted it. She had only just learned the name. The hints of history. And if his previous outburst was any lead, she was likely someone who once smiled at him. That meant he'd cared, and she could use that. She felt the guilt rise, just briefly, then she swallowed it.

His eyes narrowed, there was a flicker of something—anger? Shame? She didn't care. She saw it. The way his entire body tensed up rigidly, the flash of pain that broke through his insouciance. It was a dirty shot, but that didn't matter. She wanted him to hurt. She would take every weapon she had and wreck him with it. If she was to die anyway, she would go out swinging.

"You're quiet. Missing home?" She tilted her head, viciously mocking him. "How does it feel, Natsu? Does it hurt?" She challenged, trying to provoke him with every word. She stepped closer and lifted her chin, meeting his fiery glare. "Go on, then. Take that sword of yours and cut me down. If you're so hurt, then end it. Right here. Right now."

He didn't move, so she kept pushing.

"Of course you won't. Because you're a craven, spineless bastard who would rather hand me over to someone else and let them do your dirty work. You think that makes you any better than the people you hate? That somehow your revenge is justified because you won't be the one holding the knife? You're pathetic."

"Shut up." The words were a warning wrapped in the heat of instability. But she wasn't finished.

"What really happened to her? Lisanna. How did she die?" Silence. She stared harder into his eyes, her honey brown irises piercing the deepest of his wounds. "Did you lead her to her death, just like you're leading me to mine, and blame it on the crown for your own self-pity?"

"I said, shut up." His voice was louder now, tremoring with something sordid. Lucy didn't flinch. She wasn't his to command.

"No!" Her nails dug into her own palms so hard she could feel the skin breaking. "I'm not done. Do you really think handing me over to Alvarez will make you feel better? Is watching them rip me apart supposed to make all your pain disappear? It won't. It's not going to bring her back. It's not going to bring any of them back."

She didn't know the details of his failed rebellion, but she had enough context to understand he'd suffered a severe loss. She knew his weakness now. Failure. Her conclusion proved correct, his eyes really glowed with rage now. She caught a glimpse of the flames licking at his fingers, but she couldn't stop. The hate in her heart was too strong, too consuming.

She needed him to die with her.

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. As much as you'd like to think it, I am not stupid." Her voice rose. "You hate my father because he destroyed the people you loved. What do you think he felt when you burned your way through Magnolia like you had every right to tear it all down?"

"He started it!" Natsu snarled, his eyes blazing with defiance. But there was something else there, something vulnerable.

Lucy giggled sardonically. "What are you, a child?" Her voice was unforgiving, her gaze locked onto him like a hunter. "Maybe he did. That doesn't make you any more innocent."

The silence that followed was heavy and oppressive. His eyes stayed fixed on hers as if she had just struck him across the face. "You don't understand," his voice frayed at the edges.

"Then explain it to me. Explain why your actions are any different from his. Explain why you deserve to be forgiven when all you've done is repeat the same damn cycle."

His entire body tensed as if caught between fury and something dangerously close to mania. But he didn't speak. He just stared at her. Maybe the truth was finally starting to sink in. And maybe, just maybe, that truth was tearing him apart.

"Why are you so eager to die?"

"Because I'd rather die fighting than be given up as collateral in your stupid vengeance mission! Haven't you heard it enough?!" she shouted. "I'd rather burn than be handed over like a lamb to the slaughter. I'd rather take my chances with you than with them, because at least with you, I have a chance to make you suffer." she gritted her teeth at the end.

The words left her like a curse. And for a moment, they just stood there, locked in a brutal standoff of detestation. But this time, Lucy didn't feel like the one losing. This time, she saw the way his glare faltered, the way his breathing stopped, the way he crumbled under the weight of her words.

For once, she had managed to hurt him. And a dark, twisted part of her found a sliver of satisfaction in it.