Chapter Two: Fallout

Kakashi caught Sasuke as he fell. "Help! Naruto! I can't hold him."

"Hell!" Naruto sprang up and flipped Sasuke over his shoulders. He was dead weight.

"I'm too old for this shit, yō," Kakashi growled.

"Sumi masen," Naruto grunted, careening for the closest door. He kicked it open, setting off the fire alarm.

"Hyahhh!" Tsunade roared, knocking Sai into next week.

"Where are they?" Lee shouted, hopping up on a chair to look over taller people's heads. "Where is Naruto?"

"That's what Sasuke said," Hinata cackled.

"Where?" Lee demanded. Hinata waved a hand toward the door. The alarm continued to blare shrilly but some people continued to fight.

The remainder of Konoha no Nūsan was fully engaged in whichever side of the battle they'd chosen to serve when the biggest swarm of bees imaginable converged on the table. "Your behaviour is not acceptable, 'tteba!" Shino yelled, watching townsfolk scream and stampede for exits.

"That was cruel!" Lee shouted. "I hope you all get stung!" He raced after Naruto and Kakashi. Mitsuki's arms snaked out and plucked Boruto and Sarada from the air. Chōji was struggling to hold back Konohamaru, who was threatening to beat Kiba senseless. Karui had Tenten pinned down. Hinata's sister Hanabi was trying to help a waitress remove trays of food. Sai lay unconscious on the floor, covered in bees and Kiba sat beside him, plucking stingers out of his own skin while telling his ghostly ancestors, Konohamaru, and whoever else might hear him that it was only a joke, he didn't mean it. Tsunade stood with the restaurant owner, apologizing with stacks of cash. Sakura and Hinata remained at the table, ignoring the chaos surrounding them.

Hyuga Hiashi, father of Hinata, stumbled over, looking dazed. "What in the name of Senju Hashirama is going on here?"

Hinata blinked. "Naruto and I are getting divorced."

"Hu-u- uh?" Hiashi clutched his chest.

"I guess that settles that," Sakura said, mouth twisted.

"Hnn," Hinata agreed, clinking glasses with her.

The bees began to retreat back into Shino's jacket. The beautiful restaurant was virtually empty. Broken bottles, white flowers and glass littered tabletops and the floor, mixed with the remnants of the delectable sushi, grilled meat and sweets that they had all enjoyed for dinner.

"What the hell was that?" Tsunade bellowed as she stomped over.

"We didn't even eat the birthday cake," Sakura lamented.

"Such a shame," Hinata murmured.

Tsunade shot her a look that would have quelled a dragon. "Sakura. Talk!"

"We couldn't take it anymore." Sakura sighed. "It's not easy being married to gay men, 'tteba."

"Gay men?" Hiashi howled, falling onto a chair. "I'm going to kill him!"

"No, Father, he always treated me well. He was faithful. It's not like he couldn't perform his husbandly duties."

Hiashi sucked all the air out of the room. "Hinata!"

"Same with mine," Sakura muttered. "It's just that most of that passion wasn't for me."

"God of Shinobi!" Shino yelled, hands on his hair. "You just don't know when to shut up!"

"Well, here's to finding men who look at us like that," Sakura said, clinking glasses with Hinata again.

"Nobody who venerates either of those men will ever take one look at you!" Shino said.

Tsunade's jaw dropped. "Did you two plan this on purpose?"

"You could have been decent and kept all this private!" Shino growled.

"No, we couldn't." Sakura's eyes filled with tears.

Hinata took her hand. "They never would have left us. They're both too honourable."

Tsunade flapped her arms out. "Honourable? I don't think either of you could recognize honourable behaviour if it bit you. You have just destroyed both their reputations! And in front of their kodomo, too!"

"We had to make them hate us," Sakura said.

Hinata sniffed. "So they won't feel guilty."

"You've taken away their face!" Shino shouted. "This scandal will follow them everywhere. Their enemies will rejoice! You've put them, and the village, in danger!"

"I doubt it." Hinata held up her empty glass. "Is there more wine?"

"Hinata!" Shino said. "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm ashamed of you. Thank God Neji isn't here to see this."

"Neji!" Hinata barked. "Don't bring Neji into this. He's the one who—"

"Don't say something you'll regret," Sakura said.

"Regret?" Tsunade shouted. "I hope you are cursed with a lifetime of regret!"

"Better to lose their face than continue to suffer," Sakura said softly. "They'll be all right. As long as they're together."

Tsunade crossed her arms. "Sakura, if the hospital didn't need you so badly, I would fire you!"

"Hinata, your behaviour is disgraceful!" her father shouted, embarking upon a rant that would not end for days.

Shikamaru walked through the lobby door into the room, moaned, "What a drag," saw Tsunade and marched over.

"Situation," Tsunade snapped.

"Daimon dai."

"Ī desu."

"The news has already started to spread. There are reporters outside. We're not going to be able to contain it, to otō."

"And the boys?"

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. "Boys?"

Tsunade waved dismissively and rolled her eyes. "Naruto? And Sasuke?" The beauty was, after all, in her late seventies although nobody could know it.

Shikamaru's hair fell out of its customarily neat tail. He grasped it impatiently and tied it up. "They're gone. Kakashi, too."

"Where?" Tsunade demanded, hands on her hips.

Shikamaru shrugged, looking uncomfortable. "It's not like they could go anywhere that they'd be recognized, and they certainly couldn't go home. And Sasuke can't teleport anywhere without the Rinnegan, even if he weren't passed out stone cold drunk, which he is ..."

"Stop hedging!"

"Orochimaru."

Tsunade stared at him, gaping like a fish. "Orochimaru? The Orochimaru? San'nin Indeīze Orochimaru?"

"Mitsuki's oyasan. Ha."

Tsunade flopped into a chair and placed her hands on her temples. She shut her eyes and prayed to the God of Shinobi that two stupid women and a handful of knuckleheads hadn't just started a new shinobi war.