Update (November 29th, 2024): Oh man, this chapter is such an emotional roller coaster. I do have to say, me and Bella's fear of abandonment issues really came out this chapter.

Bella POV

"Caius, don't kill them. Rosalie didn't mean what she said," I protested, the lie slipping through my tongue easily.

In truth, I was hurt that Rosalie was essentially accusing me of being a slut, but I didn't want to hurt her or her family like that. I was sure that perhaps they didn't hate me at this moment, but I knew later they would when Edward was killed because of breaking the rules. I didn't want to give them a bigger reason to hate me than that. Besides, Rosalie has always been the one who was standoffish and was rude to me several times- but that didn't mean she deserved to die, whatsoever.

"I promise you it's only because she's upset. We all know you're going to kill Edward tomorrow and they've family- you can't blame her for lashing out like that," I added for good measure, hoping for once that he would believe me and drop the matter.

Caius scoffed and my hope instantly sank. He didn't believe the lie, whatsoever so I had to make a better excuse- hopefully one that seemed plausible, one that he would be able to believe easily.

"And I'm supposed to believe that? You don't get disrespected from someone like that. They are meant to respect you. Besides, the way it sounds like- she normally sounds like that."

I was quiet for a second before I replied to him- one that I hoped seemed rather good enough for him, considering it seemed he was rather stubborn about everything.

"So she's always been such a prickly person, so what. It doesn't mean that you should always kill them. Killing people isn't always an answer, Caius," I told them, trying to make my voice as even as possible. I didn't like where this was going on and it honestly scared me.

"Are you sure about that?" Caius responded.

I looked at him in shock, wondering why he would even say something like that. The fact that he was willing to kill someone, all because they tried calling me a name more than anything else. It was clear that he wasn't going to listen to me- nor did he even seem to care about how I was feeling at that moment.

Perhaps he didn't care about you after all, came a dark thought, and perhaps that thought was right. Perhaps, he only lied about caring for me- to be able to gain my trust and play me. After all, wasn't the only reason why it seemed like I was here was because I was their pet human who was here to give them their information that they wanted, and be a nice human for them? And here I was, bringing my opinion into something that I was sure that no one really wanted to hear- they already made up their own opinion so what's the point?

I got up from the bed, as it seemed clear that there wasn't anything I could do at all- to try and assuage the elephant in the room. I was almost halfway to the door when Caius grabbed onto my wrist, and squeezed a little too tightly for my liking.

I tried biting back the cry of pain that slipped out of my throat. It seemed to make Caius pause and look at me with wide eyes, but right now I don't think I wanted anything to do with him, or really anyone at all.

"Let me go, Caius," I growled at him.

Without saying a word, Caius let go of my wrist and it dropped down to my side. It was starting to throb a little more, and I just hoped that he didn't pull out any of the stitches or did even more damage to the wrist. It was barely starting to heal.

He did nothing but stand there as I walked out, slamming the door behind me. I almost expected Caius to come and run after me, but perhaps those things just happened in movies and not in real life.

As I walked through the empty corridors of the castle, memories of the time when Edward broke up came flooding back- each painful memory more painful than the last. From when he left me, telling me I wasn't any good enough and telling me to forget everything about him…

It's almost funny. I was almost in the same situation, months later, hurting just the same as I was back then.

Was I even good enough? Was I good enough to anyone at all? Those thoughts kept me company as I wandered aimlessly through the halls- hoping to be able to put myself back together, building up every single wall once more- thicker and harder so no one could try to hurt me again and to be able to knock down those walls again. It was the only thing to try and block out the pain- one that would ultimately happen again.

I would always get abandoned. I couldn't rely on anyone- no matter how many times they told me, they cared about me and would be there for me when I was upset. They would always leave me one way or another? So then why did I keep putting myself out there- to put my trust, my hope and my whole being into someone that they told me that wouldn't let me go, and just let me go in the very end.

Why couldn't I ever be someone who was good enough for people to stay? Was there something wrong with me?

"Bella? Are you okay?" I heard someone say- a feminine voice. They sounded familiar, but I couldn't care less anymore. I just wanted to get away from everything- from the voices that never seem to leave me, whatsoever. I just wanted to get away.

Clearly, something must have given it away because the vampire didn't bother saying anything else. Instead, they guided me through a couple of hallways and even entered an elevator that stopped at a level, before the female vampire pushed open the door to reveal a couple of vampires, doing their own thing and relaxing before we came into the room.

We walked into the room and the vampire guided me to sit on the couch. I didn't bother putting up a fight with it whatsoever. It seemed like it was obvious that it was upset as it seemed like one of the vampires disappeared and got me a box of tissues and set it down right next to me. There was a soft pillow near me that I instantly grabbed onto- wanting to feel something soft, and something to bring me comfort.

"What happened?" The same vampire who guided me asked once again, sitting down by my side.

I heard someone- a man this time- sigh, "Jane perhaps, we should give her some space? It's obvious that she's upset and we don't want to scare her."

Jane scoffed- she must have the one to take me to this room or something, "I don't think that's wise. Besides, the way it sounded like she and Caius had a fight over whether or not he should kill the Cullens." She told the other vampires.

Through my blurred vision, I could barely tell that they didn't seem shocked- as if this didn't surprise them one bit.

"He didn't even want to listen to me, whatsoever," I murmured, blinking away some of the tears that clung to my vision- trying to stop myself from having another breakdown.

One of the other female vampires- Corin- if I recall right from that shopping trip- slid me over and made room for themselves, before they wrapped their arms around me and hugged me.

"Honestly, I think you know that Caius has always been the rash one. He's always been the one quick to kill someone because they did something wrong that ticked him off. That's always been his way. I couldn't tell you how many times a guard's arm was ripped off because we couldn't escape in time," Jane told me.

"If I didn't leave his room in time a couple of days ago, I was sure I would have lost my arm," a vampire- Corin said, "I got lucky."

I frowned; that didn't exactly really make me feel better whatsoever. It almost seemed like that were too busy trying to normalize Caius' behavior more than anything.

Jane took a moment before she explained, "See? The thing is it's normal, at least for us guards. However, you haven't been the unlucky one under his wrath until today since the Cullens really ticked him off, disrespecting you like that, which we can't blame him for that It's the fact that you're bringing me another perspective, telling him something that he doesn't like and it's making him lash out. It's nothing personal, Bella…"

I looked away before I laughed, "He hurt me and yet, I'm supposed to be able to accommodate him when he's like that… Why am I always the one that has to make peace? To be able to make sure that everything is peaceful and happy for everyone? To be everything for everyone at once because otherwise, I would be seen as the problem, the one being too much…

"I am so fucking tired of it. I feel like I'm drowning half the time, and there isn't anyone there to help me. As much as everyone says, oh we care about you then why isn't there anyone there for me to help me. Why am I never allowed to have a breakdown without being seen as the problem, or being too much? Will I ever be allowed to stop being strong for everybody or is everybody's feelings more important than mine? Will I ever be good enough for anyone? By the end, I was choking back a sob that threatened to escape, but it was no use, and I started crying once more.

Corin passed me a tissue without a word which I gladly accepted- and wiped away the snot running down my nose.

"Bella," Corin said, "You don't have to feel that way with us. We didn't realize how much this affected you like that. You don't have to be strong for anyone, least of all, Caius. Besides, I'm sure he's already regretting everything that he did because he really does care about you. Mainly, he's too stubborn to admit it- but it's there."

"She's right. We care about you, Bella. I'm sure a lot of us will bring you the moon if you ask for it. We just want you to be happy and that includes, to try and stop being strong and bottling up your emotions like this. You don't need to be strong all the time and it's okay to be hurting like this. It's absolutely normal to feel like this at times," Jane told me, setting her hand on my thigh and giving me a smile that was meant to reassure me. "You'll be okay. We promise you that."