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Roghart wanted to clear his head of the troublesome templar mission and headed to the Hanged Man to share a drink with Varric and Carver. He also mentioned a possibility of a card game, but made me swear not to tell mother. I assured him that my lips were sealed before he pinched my cheek and left. Only after he was gone did I curse at myself for not asking him to inquire about Isabela.
I sneaked outside half an hour later and did my best not to wake mother up. The creaking front door made it an interesting challenge and when I had succeeded, I sighed and congratulated myself. The path to the sewer entrance was still fresh in my memory and I was lucky not to encounter a single person on my way. Even the inn was strangely quiet that night and I sensed that something alarming must have happened recently to make the streets so desolate. I hoped that my brothers weren't involved.
The sewers were as smelly and wet as they had been during my first unintentional visit. I located the hidden door to Jethann's underground hideout and was disappointed not to see him there. It seemed as if no-one had been there since I had left. The blankets on which I had slept on were bundled in the same way I had seen them previously and I couldn't notice any new trash or even spilled water near the spot where I had washed myself. I even dropped on my knees to look closely at the footprints, making sure that they were old.
When I walked through the tunnels to Darktown, I didn't see anyone familiar. Everyone was most likely asleep already but I couldn't shake the awful feeling that something had happened to them. I remembered an orphan boy with his brother and bit my lip to stop thinking about such depressing scenarios, replacing the images with their laughing faces. It gave me strength and after slapping myself back to the reality, I hastened my steps.
#
The lights of Anders' clinic were lit and I saw him at the door, bandaging a girl's arm and talking to a woman who most likely was the child's mother. She was offering a pouch, but Anders shook his hand politely. I was glad to witness that he indeed worked for free and after scanning the surroundings, I moved the wooden lid back to cover the underground entrance and skittered forward.
Anders spotted me as I was climbing the stairs and he blinked like he wasn't expecting me. I waited till he finished treating the girl and approached after the family wished the healer well and walked past me.
"It was Reneka, right?" Anders scratched his hair, as if speaking to me again felt awkward.
I nodded and offered my hand. He looked confused, but shrugged and gave me his hand. He obviously had thought that I was going to shake it, but instead I turned it to see his palm and wrote his name on it.
It took Anders a while before his mouth opened and he chuckled. "Oh, that's right, you-" he halted his words, his eyes displaying hesitation.
I quickly made a gesture of writing on something and Anders instantly realized what I was looking for. He led me inside the clinic and we went to the same area where he had healed my wound couple of days ago. As I sat on one of the chairs, Anders sifted through the documents spread on the table in front of me until he found a clear paper. I had a thankful smile when he handed it to me with an ink pen and began to write.
There had been plenty of time for me to come up with a proper explanation for my behavior. I had wondered how the healer would react which had made me reconsider revealing my past. The unknown burden that was clearly visible on Anders' tired face worried me and I didn't wish to add to it. If I was to judge, I felt that he was the kind of man who would suffer from nightmares because of others. The terrified look he had given me after seeing my cut tongue had stuck in my mind.
Then I had heard the full story about father and his necklace around my neck reminded me of why I had come to the clinic. To gain the skills I sought, I had to be prepared to lose a bit of my private life.
I lifted the pen after writing 'I owe you an apology'. Anders leaned forward to read it and lifted his brow.
"That's my line," he laughed a little. "I made fun of something very personal and I'm-"
I silenced him by putting my finger on his mouth. My head shook from left to right and I kept my lips tightly pressed together. When I noticed Anders glancing down and directly at me by turns, I withdrew and tried not to blush. Communicating with touch was normal for me, especially if I had to interrupt to warn someone for example, but Anders was different and I couldn't explain why.
I grabbed the pen again and continued my message by writing 'I shouldn't have got that angry and I'm sorry'.
"No harm done, Reneka," Anders grinned. "I totally understand why you got so offended. I'd be more concerned if you didn't."
He was right. Ignoring the matter and not hating the ones who mutilated me would have meant that I had accepted it, like any other Saarebas would. My rage had marked the distinction between me and the qunari mages.
As a mage, Anders would likely understand without long background information so I simply wrote 'I was imprisoned by a qunari tribe for years, at least a decade'.
His eyes narrowed and I sensed distress in him. "I had heard about how they treat their mages," his voice had a hint of disgust. "The fact that you are alive is what's important, although it saddens me to see that someone like yourself had to endure such cruelty."
I was curious to find out what Anders meant by 'someone like myself', but to drive my thoughts elsewhere I took the ink bottle on the table and filled my pen. My mind stopped to ponder for a moment before I wrote 'I learned all kinds of magic, but I've never seen spells like yours'.
"You mean healing magic?" Anders sounded puzzled and his shock increased when I nodded in all seriousness. "Well, the qunari are violent people and I shouldn't be too surprised. I've read that the qunari mages mostly cast destructive spells."
'Yes', I answered him on the paper. 'I was hoping to learn how to use your magic'.
"You are the most spontaneous person I've met," Anders said with a ring of laughter in his voice. "I've never taught magic to anyone and I wasn't exactly the most popular mage at the Circle. It's just funny that you would ask me, out of all the more suitable teachers."
Anders clearly wasn't aware of how little I knew of the city and its people, so I replied by writing 'I don't know anyone else'.
My words made Anders speechless. I couldn't tell if I had overstepped my bounds or if his pause was a natural response. The interaction I was having with him had been the longest I had experienced since losing my tongue and I felt oddly comfortable. My eyes had investigated the man's features more than I cared to admit and I payed close attention to his voice, listening to his accent and tone. Adding emotions in speech was something I wasn't capable of anymore and hearing them in Anders' voice brightened me.
His chair squeaked when he slowly stood up, rubbing his chin. "All I'm saying is that I'm not the most ordinary person in Kirkwall," he muttered and I thought he was more like speaking to himself than to me until his gaze found mine. "I had promised to give certain maps to your brother, so he visited earlier today. I explained what happened at the Chantry and I assume you have a theory as a fellow mage so that I don't have to repeat myself."
Anders looked like he was afraid and I could only guess the reason. Were I in his shoes, I would be scared of being abandoned because of a secret of mine. I was used to being treated as a lesser creature and fully understood why someone would fear such a thing.
The dark look he shot at me was unpleasant and I had to convince him that what I had witnessed at the Chantry wasn't going to drive me away. My hand moved fast as I wrote 'I sense a spirit, but it is friendly and I feel safe'.
"I want to believe that, I really do," Anders said, pacing nervously. "It is a spirit of Justice. He's gentle, but sometimes the anger I have towards the templars passes to him and he becomes dangerous. I can't control it and Justice might cause me hurt even those I want to protect." He glanced at the ground for a second before looking at me again. "I might end up hurting you, just like at the Chantry."
The anxiety Anders showed filled my chest with awkward happiness. It wasn't the same kind I had received from mother's embrace nor when Jethann and Isabela had taken care of me. They had helped me out of kindness and pity, which hadn't bothered me. For them, I had been just like any other underprivileged homeless girl looking for shelter, whereas Anders was concerned of my safety and wasn't willing to endanger myself even if it meant refusing me.
Had Isabela shared his thoughts, she wouldn't have allowed me on her ship with a tribe of qunari soldiers after her and the stolen Tome of Koslun.
Thinking about the chance that the whole tribe drowned during our escape created quite an evil smirk on my lips and I noticed how Anders was staring at me. To repeal any suspicions of me taking his concern lightly, I smudged a word on one of my messages and replaced it so that the phrase read 'I don't want anyone else'.
Anders leered at it, like he was searching for a mistake, but my gaze was sharp and determined. There was nothing he could do to make me yield and he snorted with amusement.
"Who am I to decline the wish of a person clearly stronger than me?" he sneered.
'A spirit could never frighten me more than a qunari, so don't worry', my writing told him.
"Justice will be overjoyed to hear that," Anders said. "You will also have to convince your brothers."
I tilted my head and gave him a questioning look.
"I was asked to aid your brother in a mission tomorrow night. He expects trouble and said that he could use a fireball or two. It would also be a golden opportunity for you to learn about healing magic. I have no doubt that you can handle yourself in battle, but I can't make your family to believe so too."
I answered with a smile and wrote 'Leave them to me' before rising on my feet and taking Anders' hand to thank him. Remarkably, he stirred from my touch and I observed some signs of embarrassment. Instead of letting go and apologizing, I grinned more and shook his hand playfully before turning around and prancing away towards the underground entrance.
#
"Your smiling face is gathering attention, in case you didn't notice," Roghart stated.
It took me a moment to realize that he was talking to me and I quickly stretched my mouth and my lips formed a thin, calm line. My brother frowned at me, full of suspicion and shrugged when I answered him by blinking my eyes fast.
I hadn't experienced Kirkwall's streets during daylight until now. Roghart wished to shop for a stronger blade for himself and Carver had joined us in search for a smith to repair his armor. We viewed the weapon stands in Lowtown and strolled through Hightown until we reached the market square. During the first time I had passed it with Isabela, it had been late and all the shops had been empty. Seeing the area packed with people caused it to seem like a completely different place.
While they were busy bantering with various merchants, I used the time to admire the city's structure and the life it was bursting. The statues of slaves I had seen when we came to Kirkwall had given me a bad impression and I had learned bits of the city's history from Jethann and the reason why it was called the City of Chains. According to him, mages were now the slaves of Kirkwall and he had said that the place was a good home for anyone who didn't possess something that the templars didn't fancy.
The scents I smelled were nothing like in Lowtown or Darktown. There were piles and buckets of garbage conquered by packs of rats and the ground was hard as stone, not muddy from hundreds of feet trampling on it like at Anders' clinic. I heard music and the singing of birds, not the loud shouting of drunken men that usually came from the taverns near Gamlen's home. The district was too clean and spacious for my tastes and the citizens appeared more private and reserved.
All the nobles lived in Hightown and they weren't ashamed of displaying their status. In their eyes, I must have looked like a sewer rat in my simple short-sleeved shirt and knee-length trousers. I still wore the sandals from Isabela and when I wiggled my toes in the wind while resting on the edge of a fountain, several rich-looking women glared at me like I had offended them somehow.
My legs stopped swinging when Roghart and Carver finished talking to a dark-skinned man and approached me. They didn't seem too satisfied.
"Remind me, brother, why did we agree to help that weasel in the first place?" Roghart ran his palm across his face.
"For profit, fame and because you are too eager to act like a hero," Carver answered bluntly. "At least his workers are safe. For now."
Roghart sighed deep. "Are you sure you don't need anything, Reneka?" his head turned at me. "If I'm going to take you with us on a mission, I want you to be prepared."
My grin was accidentally more cunning that I had intended and I hoped that my brothers didn't perceive it. Persuading Roghart to let me help him on his next job had been unbelievably easy. Carver had been against the idea and had demanded that we should tell mother, but Roghart hadn't listened and figured that he would rather have me with him than let me follow secretly with no-one to protect me. I had written down the type of spells I could cast and must have made him impressed enough to trust my skills.
Carver was still sulking and had given his honest opinion of magic and how I should stay hidden from the templars. His care was sweet, but after living in the underground for months, hiding was the last option for me.
I had heard that Circle mages used a staff to channel their powers and I had seen one leaning against the wall in Anders' clinic too. The Saarebas' were trained not to wield anything that could have been used as a weapon against their masters, so I shook my hand, gesturing that I didn't require any implements.
"Are you sure?" Roghart verified.
The way I blew the air out was quite annoyed and I dug the piece of paper and coal Roghart had given to me before we left Gamlen's house. The words 'I'm positive that two mages have enough power even without extra toys' appeared on the paper and Roghart looked at them thoroughly.
The corner of his mouth rose. "Oh, that's right, I forgot about your date."
My jaw dropped and I produced a funny 'ah' sound before gathering myself and pretending to be watching at something in the distance.
"Come on, Reneka," Roghart laughed. "You think he arranges a date with every pretty girl he meets? He even asked me about you when I went to get some maps from him."
My elbow rested on my lap and I leaned against my palm, attempting to conceal my red face.
"You out of all people have no right to tease our sister like that," Carver poked Roghart.
"Whatever do you mean, dear brother?" Roghart smirked.
"Oh please, like no-one sees the way you stare at that busty woman at the Hanged Man. You even asked if she was married before finding out her name."
"She doesn't seem the type who would like to share her whole life story, so what's wrong with the good old 'act first, ask questions later'?"
"Urgh, that's too much information," Carver wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "You have fun with your exotic pirate captain if this mission of hers doesn't kill us."
Pirate captain? I repeated in my mind while a shiver ran through my spine.
I spun around, startling Roghart with my sudden movement and snatched the paper he had taken to read my previous message. My fingers actually trembled as I wrote 'Isabela' and showed it to my brother, tension all over my face.
"Yeah, that's her name," Roghart's voice was slow and uncertain. "You know her?"
The time seemed to freeze around me. After separating from Isabela, I had made myself believe that she wasn't in Kirkwall anymore. She had been so keen on finding the relic that I thought she had gone to the coast and spent her time trying to locate the magically sealed box she had mentioned to me. The city was close to the site where her ship had sunk, but I still couldn't believe that she had stayed at the inn where I last saw her. Why Jethann hadn't told me that the only person I had been seeking had been right under my nose?
At the same time, I felt nauseous and relieved. If I hadn't been a coward, I would have gone to the Hanged Man after shaking off the thieves in Lowtown. My heart thumped like a hammer, but it also brought gentle warmth.
Many things had gone wrong when I was a Saarebas and I had been forced not to consider anyone as a friend in fear of losing them on the next day, leaving me cold and breathless. I was utterly delighted that this time not seeing my friend for a long time didn't mean that I had lost her.