Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

~Lily~

Dumbledore came to visit her parents at the hospital. Looking back on it, Lily figured Dumbledore wanted to talk to her. He wanted information. Dumbledore never did anything without an ulterior motive. Lily was beginning to understand why the boys had a rule against telling Dumbledore things. She definitely kept that rule in mind.

"Oh Miss Evans," Dumbledore had called out to her. His voice was like a violin being played too softly, a wave lapping the shore too gently. In that way, you knew it had the power to knock you off your feet, but at the moment was calm. Lily felt like his voice boasted power more than his words ever would.

"Hello, sir. What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"Mr. Black made sure to pass on your note regarding your absence."

"I'm sorry about missing classes. Especially with the holidays approaching so quickly." She didn't want to have to explain herself. She didn't want to have to relive it. It could've been much more traumatic, she knew that much. She hadn't really lost anything, except her boyfriend and her ability to protect her parents.

"It matters not, my dear. Knowing you, you already are several chapters ahead of the rest of your class," Dumbledore said with twinkling eyes. It was funny how intimidating his eyes were when they twinkled. They sat behind half-moon glasses and above a crooked nose. It shouldn't have been intimidating, but it was. Since when was kindness intimidating?

Maybe when Lily started having things to hide. Was this how the Marauders felt?

"I do my best."

"And no one will ever doubt that," Dumbledore said. "How are your parents, may I ask? And why are they in a wizarding hospital?"

"They're well. Well as can be expected when one is poisoned," Lily told him. Bare minimum, she told herself, just the bare minimum.

"They were poisoned?" he said in a way that made her suspect it wasn't a question at all.

"Yes."

"What poison?"

"I don't know. I wish I did, but it doesn't have an antidote," she said. She stared him directly in his pale blue all-knowing eyes as a realization overcame him.

"I am sorry, Miss Evans. You shouldn't have to deal with that. I presume," he began, "they were poisoned by a witch or wizard?"

"Indeed." She knew it was rude to be as short as she was being with her Headmaster, but she couldn't quite find it within herself to care. She was hanging on by a thread here. Awake for too long. Worrying for too long. That was the thing. The more alone, the more silent things were the longer you had to worry. And her life had never been quieter. Kidnapping, poisoning, espionage, murder, breaking up with her boyfriend. All of it had come and gone so quickly it had felt like a dream. And when she woke up it was all silent and she was all alone.

"How did you come to realize they were poisoned? And when did you leave the castle? Despite the circumstances and your position, I'm afraid I can't have you up and running about. Not in these times."

As he awaited her answer James' words overplayed in her mind. Never tell Dumbledore. An action so simple, yet she couldn't just say nothing. She needed to lie. She smiled as lying was something she excelled at.

"Sir, I cannot be sure as I wasn't there, but I received a note. So naturally, I grabbed a broom and set off to find my parents. And eventually, I did, but they're sick and I really should attend to them," Lily said. It was an easy enough story to stick to. Not all that far from the truth and it would keep James and Sirius out of it. That was what was important.

"Of course, Miss Evans. Do take your time. I'll speak with you when you return to Hogwarts." His smile was false. Mere politeness was all that was present on his lips. His eyes betrayed his calculating coldness. His disbelief at her words. So perhaps she hadn't sold her lie, but all she needed was time and it bought her that much.

"Lils?" She'd know that voice anywhere.

"Marlene!" she exclaimed. They hugged and hugged, as Lily's parents watched from their hospital beds. "Marls you remember my parents, right?"

"Of course. It's great to see you both!"

"It'd be even better under other circumstances," her mum said. They all laughed.

"Once this is all over I'll come over for a cuppa, I swear," Marlene promised. Marlene reminded Lily of her mother. The same long blond hair and soft eyes and ferocious ability to care.

"I'm holding you to that," her mother replied, smiling.

"I am a woman of my word, after all," Marlene said. "How are you both feeling anyways? You seem well?"

"Let me tell you, I do not recommend being poisoned. Nasty stuff, I'll say."

"Poison!?"

"Mmhmm," her mother said peering at her fingernails. Ignoring Marlene's shock she turned to Lily. "They truly ought to have some form of a magical manicure, am I wrong? This is insane, my nails are chipping. Chipping, I say!"

Lily and her father laughed as Marlene was still processing everything.

"Poisoned?" Marlene turned to Lily. "Who the bloody hell poisoned them?"

"Who do you think, Marls?"

"Death Eaters, but- but why? And where? And how?"

"I'll tell you later," Lily said shooting Marlene an informative smile. Her parents still weren't filled in on everything that happened and are happening in the Wizarding World and Lily would like them to be on a need-to-know basis. Her parents didn't seem to mind even though they were kidnapped and poisoned, but Lily didn't question it.

"What's the meaning of this manicure?" Marlene asked, masterfully switching the topic. And Marlene had only met her parents a handful of times, but Mrs. Evans was the type of person that was not shy. She would not hide her personality nor hesitate in her hospitality. Marlene knew exactly what would get her talking and talk she did. Lily ended up summoning nail polish for her mother to demonstrate with. Marlene was fascinated.

"Miss Evans?" a healer poked their head through the door.

"Yes?" She shot up to go meet her in the hall. If there was news than she would take the news privately. Being the only witch in the family, Lily was told everything before her parents.

"You have some visitors out in the lobby. You really ought not to have more than two and there are quite a few boys out there and you've already got one witch in there..."

"I'll go meet them there, thank you." The woman nodded and headed away.

Lily felt her chest tighten as she made her way downstairs. 'Quite a few boys'. Who else could it possibly be? They were here and Lily wasn't sure she wanted to see them. As far as she knew James would want nothing to do with her and her traitorous ways. But they were her 'quite a few boys' and despite her conflicting, she would never deny them. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had just rooted their way into her heart one day without telling her. And they couldn't leave now. She was stuck with them as long as they stayed with her. She wouldn't know what to do if they left no matter how mad she was at them.

"Lily." She bit her lip. There he was. Standing there with that anxious look in his eyes. Looking handsomer than any ex-boyfriend had any right to be. He was running a hand through his hair, staring into her eyes. She desperately hoped her face betrayed no emotion. Sirius was there beside him. That neutral brooding look to him. He nodded at her and she nearly unraveled. Remus was sitting across the room, putting down the biker magazine he had picked up. Peter was behind James, standing in his shadows. His features looking sharper and more hollow than ever.

"Hello." She felt like she was choking. She couldn't look at him. She wouldn't. She'd cry and she just could not cry right now. Not with this much to cry about.

"Lily," James repeated, "I'm-"

"James," Sirius warned. His voice seemed almost gravelly. He walked up to Lily, not hesitating as he circled his arms around her waist. She pulled him close and squeezed her eyes shut. Whispering in her ear, he said, "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

"It's okay."

"I tried to tell him not to come."

"It's okay," she said again. It really was. She couldn't just ignore him forever. He hated her now. Perhaps he wanted friendship. Perhaps that is all they were ever destined to be. She hated to think about it because they had overcome so much. But maybe it was true.

"How are your parents?" Sirius pulled away as he said it.

"Not dead. Not really living either."

"Are any of us?"

"I suppose not. Impending doom tends to do that to a person," Lily admitted. She didn't like to think about the temporariness of the antidote Severus administered, but she couldn't help it.

"I reckon so."

"Marlene is with them now," Lily said. "How are things with you and her?"

"We tolerate each other now. I daresay friendship is on the horizon," he said with a soft hint of a smile.

"Really?"

"Impending doom tends to do that to a person," he said to her and she smiled.

"I guess hope and doom are intertwined."

"I guess."

"So why are you really here," Lily asked. Something wasn't right. She could just tell. Sirius glanced back at the other three boys and frowned. She knew he wouldn't lie to her.

"Someone's missing," he said quietly.

No. This was not what she needed right now. How could they-

"Who?" People ran through her mind. Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, Marlene, and her parents were all here with her. There were others she cared about, obviously, but she didn't know who it was.

"Jonathon. Jonathon Blake."

Lily's mouth dropped. Sirius grabbed her hand and she squeezed it tightly.

"What happened? How long has it been?" she demanded. She hadn't known the American long, but she cared for him. He was her friend. He was someone who cared about her. She wasn't ready to lose him.

"When you and I left after Snape and Regulus, Jonathon must've seen us go. He went and got James and they both took off after us. James said Jonathon knew where they were taking us because they couldn't see us flying. James said he was acting weird and saying weird things, but seemed to genuinely want to save us. He knew something about our 'disappearance' before it even happened."

"I didn't tell him, if that's what you're implying," Lily snapped. She wasn't sure if she was snapping at Sirius or at James who had moved closer to listen.

"That's not what I'm saying. James got the impression that he may have been leading James into a trap or something. He thought maybe Jonathon was working with Voldemort."

"Well you're wrong," Lily said to James. She felt her face turning red. "He wasn't like that. He barely knew anything of Voldemort. He's from America, remember?"

"It could be a cover story, though. Who knows if he actually is a Death Eater, or maybe Voldemort recruited him. People lie, Lily," James said.

"Yeah," she agreed bitterly, "people do lie, but he wouldn't have lied. Not to me."

James took a step back, the poison in her words hit their mark.

"The point is we don't know. I don't want to fight with you. Can we just put it behind us for now and fix this?" James begged. She wasn't tempted to say yes in the slightest.

"The point is, he led you to find me. It doesn't matter how he knew. He just wanted someone who supposedly cared about me to try and help me. Maybe he was wrong on that front, but so was I."

"Okay," Remus said, breaking her unforgiving eye contact with James. "We're going to find him, okay? He was the one who hid your parents. And I can only assume that he hid them well, as no one got to them before you did. So let's give him the benefit of the doubt."

Lily didn't even bother shooting James a glare. She was too tired. Sirius seemed to notice this as he ushered her into a chair. She wanted to say she was fine, but she wasn't. She was too tired. She wanted to cry. She wanted to shout and yell. She wanted someone to blame for her life splintering into little pieces. She was too tired.

"Hey, Tiger Lily?" Sirius said.

"Yeah?"

"Come with us back to my apartment. We have a lot to do."

"I can't, Sirius. My parents are here," Lily said. "And soon they may not be."

"Have you slept," he asked, "at all?"

"I've slept some. Just a few naps here and there. I'm fine. Just a little tired." Lies upon lies. They knew it too, but they didn't say a word.

"So how do we find him?" Peter asked.

"We have a few options," Lily said, even though Peter was looking directly at James and Sirius. "We could report his disappearance to the Auror department. But that wouldn't get very far. People are disappearing left and right. We could write to him. Perhaps he has been kidnapped or perhaps he has just taken off on an abrupt vacation. But if the owl finds him than he is alive. Finally, we could start by researching him. Fine his family ties. Find where he might hideout if he was being chased. Find out if he would've been wanted by the Death Eaters."

Sirius shared a smile with Lily. 'Something more' echoed in her head. She didn't think there was anything special about her, but he seemed to think so. She just wanted to help.

"You stay here, Lily. Perhaps take up the letter idea, but don't use your own owl in case it's traced. And we'll start researching," Remus told them all. There was no room for discussion in his voice.

"Lily," James said, his voice so soft, so sweet. "Can we talk?"

"What is there to say?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I don't know. I just- I don't understand why? Why?"

"Why what, James? Why did I not have a death wish? Why did I go back to save my parents from dying? Or was it why did I not need you to try and be a hero? Why what, James?"

"I don't know. Just tell me what happened. No one's telling me anything! Just why did this happen? Why did you pledge yourself to Him? Why didn't you tell me this was happening? Why don't I know you anymore?" He sounded so broken. Shattered. Destroyed. Empty. She would've felt sorry if he hadn't been the cause of the wedge between them.

"I can't do this right now. I don't owe this to you anymore. The only reason you don't know me anymore is because you refuse to. Nothing's changed, James. Maybe I don't know you anymore," she said. She stood up and began to head to the door, leaving the Marauders behind her. She heard one of the boys say five words, "What happened to Rule 13?"

~James~ Cracks in the Foundation

The Marauders were researching Jonathon that day, but James just couldn't get his head into it. He messed up a lot in the past. He knew that. But everyone messed up. Sirius has messed up. Lily has messed up. Remus has messed up. Peter has messed up. And James had always forgiven them. He had given his friends everything he had. He'd give them the world if he could. And most of the time they didn't want the world, so all he could do was be there. So he forgave them always. So why did it always feel like no one would ever forgive him for his mistakes? Maybe they simply didn't need him like he needed them. The thing was, James didn't even make a mistake! He wasn't in the wrong here, despite what everyone else thought. His girlfriend was pledging herself to the Dark Lord which is enough to make any sane person mad. So yes, he broke up with her on the spot. No one was telling him what happened, and if there was some logical explanation than they should've told him. So he based his actions on the information he had. No one could blame him for that. If they wanted a different reaction then they should start talking, because he was done being the one to fix everything. It hurt him. Being broken up from Lily hurt so badly, but he wouldn't be taken advantage of. Not with this.

"Moony?"

"Yeah?"

"Who's the letter from?" James asked. His friend's face had paled over the parchment.

"Oh, it's just a family thing. Not a big deal," Remus said. He tucked the parchment in his back pocket and started to work again. "Find anything in the American family history book?"

"There are no signs of any Blake's of any kind," James said. Something was off about Jonathon. Lily seemed insistent that he wasn't a Death Eater, but he was definitely a liar. Perhaps not quite as heinous, but not trustworthy.

"Alright. I'm going to head out for a walk. Clear my head and all. Want anything from the Kitchens?" Remus asked.

"I'll take a Treacle Tart if it's not too much trouble," he said. "With extra crumb, please."

"How about you, Peter?" Remus asked. Peter quickly shook his head and flipped through whatever book he was reading.

"I've never known you to turn down a Treacle Tart before," James teased.

"Not hungry," Peter shrugged.

"I'll be back," Remus said. James waited a moment or two and began to search for the Marauder's Map. James was a bad liar, but Remus was even worse. James didn't know who he was meeting, but he intended on finding out. Especially after Peter had just been meeting up with Rosier. He didn't know when things changed in their friend group, but he didn't like it. Secrets were being kept and they were fighting right and left.

"Ah-ha." He uncovered the map beneath his clothes in his trunk. He unfolded it and waited. Remus was in fact on his way to the Kitchens, but so was someone else. Snape.

"Hey Wormy?" James said. "Know where my Invisibility Cloak is?"

"Haven't seen it." James nearly tore the room apart looking for it. He tried to Accio it, but it didn't work. He figured Sirius had it. Sirius wasn't mad at him, just disappointed. Over the years his parents had pulled the 'I'm not mad, just disappointed' card, but when a friend pulls it it hurts so much worse.

"I'll be back." James grabbed his wand and slipped out the door.

"What do you want, Snape?" James heard Remus say.

"The potion. I need your notes for it." Snape's voice was gruff and he wasn't asking.

"Why? What are you planning?"

"I need to fix it. I need to perfect it," Snape said almost desperately.

"Why? The deadline isn't for months. We're far above where we are supposed to be," Remus said cautiously. Snape made an impatient noise. "If this is something you need for your Death Eater business than you can forget about it, Snape. I won't be a part of whatever you're involved with."

"It's not that, Lupin. I- I need to save someone. Someone who you'd be interested in saving too," Snape snapped. Remus crossed his arms.

"Who? Lily?" Is she okay? Did something else happen that night that they didn't tell us about? Were you there!?" Remus' voice grew in volume. Snape's face darkened.

"Will you shut up!" he hissed. "It's not Lily-"

"Sirius. Did you hurt him?"

"Dammit Lupin, will you be quiet," Snape said again. "It's not Black either. Nor Potter or Pettigrew. No one is in immediate danger. I just want to make sure they won't die yet."

"It's Lily's parents, isn't it. They were poisoned after all. Did you poison them? Did you save them?"

"You ask a lot of questions for someone with so many secrets, Lupin," Snape said. "Can I have the notes or not."

"Fine. But I want to help."

"Absolutely not."

"What are you going to do? Test on yourself? Because you will not be testing on her parents," Remus said.

"Do you have the notes on you?"

"Answer me first."

"Fine you can be there, but you'll stay out of my way. You'll only slow me down," Snape sneered. Remus nodded in agreement. "Meet me at Slughorn's at midnight."

"And are you expecting to not be caught? I'm a Prefect, Snape, I have a reputation to uphold."

"Says the werewolf," Snape hissed under his breath. Remus froze.

"You have no right and if we're going to be working together you're going to need to shut your mouth," Remus said. James was proud of him. There was a time Remus would've been too frightened and intimidated by someone knowing his secret that he would've crumbled. Not now though.

"Fine. Potion Master's at midnight," Snape said before walking away. He turned around just before he rounded the corner. "And Lupin, I've got permission to do this from Slughorn."

James returned to the Common Room. He couldn't talk to anyone then. Why did they all keep secrets? Everyone around him kept things from him. Before everything happened and everyone grew apart, secrets didn't exist between Marauders. He wanted things to return to normal. He wanted Sirius back. He wanted Lily back. He wanted Remus back. He wanted Peter back. He worried about his friends. Incessantly. Hungrily. Sometimes he couldn't sleep. He would lay there anxious and afraid. He worried about his parents and his professors and the world as a whole. It all felt like too much. The world was on his shoulders, but he wasn't strong enough. He never would be.

"Hey Prongs," Remus said as he entered the Common Room. "Here's your Treacle Tart."

The delicious treat had lost its appeal. James hadn't eaten all day, but the sight of the dessert made him want to throw up. He wasn't sick, he was worried.

"Sorry, Remus. I've got to run. Give it to Wormtail," James said. He could hardly look Remus in the eyes. Snape knew more about Lily's situation than he was saying and Remus was going to help him. It may not seem so horrible, but Snape was manipulative. He knew how to twist people to do his bidding. And even if he was being truthful, then Remus should've told James. Told him that Snape had information about Lily. That Snape was involved.

"Where are you going?" the werewolf asked.

"Out." James's voice was neutral. If they were going to keep secrets then they would have secrets kept from them too. James needed to find the Headmaster. He needed permission to go visit Lily. He needed to do this right if he was going to make things right.

"Headmaster!"

"Mr. Potter," Dumbledore said in greeting.

"Hi," James replied as he caught up to the old man. "I have a favor to ask of you, sir."

"Oh and here I was thinking this was a social visit. Alas..." Dumbledore said with a wink, "what can I do for you,?"

"I was wondering if I could visit Lily at the hospital. I shouldn't be gone long. I just need to talk to her," he said. James desperately wanted Dumbledore to let him go. He was trying to change for Lily. He had been for a long time coming. Following the rules a bit didn't seem like such a hard sacrifice for her love. He even learned to swallow his pride for her, but now he was hoping she would meet him halfway.

"Something that couldn't have been said yesterday? Nor through a letter?"

"Sir, it's important," James insisted and Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in that knowing way that his eyes did. James grinned at his Headmaster, he knew that he'd be allowed to go now. That look of Dumbledore's was very telling.

"I'd be back by curfew if I were you, James," Dumbledore warned. "Mr. Filch has been itching to catch someone out of bed. I'm sure you still remember from your days before being Head Boy?"

"Thank you! I'll be back," James said.

"You hurry upstairs. The password is Lemon Drops."

"I'm here to see the Evans'" James told the front desk. The lady looked at him oddly but told him the room anyways. He raced up the stairs to get to their floor. He knocked on the door and he heard a hoarse shout, "Come in!"

James opened the door to see a frail Mr. and Mrs. Evans. Both smiled when they saw him.

"If it isn't James Potter! How've you been?" Mrs. Evans said joyfully. James smiled sadly. Lily hadn't told them that they broke up. Lily was holding everything inside, trying to keep herself together.

"I've been... well. How are you both?"

"Better now that you're here," Mrs. Evans said low. Mr. Evans and James both went silent, unsure of how to react. Mrs. Evans burst out laughing. "That was a joke, dear. You're all Lily's, James."

James swallowed. "Speaking of, where- um- where is Lily?"

"Oh, where was it, Frederick? They don't have post offices, but..."

"Yes, yes, that place they keep their owls?"

"The owlery?" James suggested. He didn't know that the hospital had one, but it made sense. James wondered if Lily was getting a letter from Sirius or perhaps Gregor.

"That's the one."

"Thank you. I'll go find her. Feel better!" James wished. Mrs. Evans was still smiling as he left. The owlery. It had to be easy enough to find. He just needed to find someone to ask about it. In the hallway, he passed someone with lacerations all over their body being hauled into a room. They were still bleeding. They looked so pale. So helpless.

"Oh!"

"I'm sorry," James said. He accidentally ran through a small looking blonde woman.

"James Potter?"

"Alice, no way!" he said in surprise.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Visiting."

"Everyone okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. They'll be alright." James didn't want to say Lily's name and he certainly didn't want to say that his ex-girlfriend's muggle parents were in a wizarding hospital. Too many questions would erupt and unavoidable gossip.

"Lovely. How's Hogwarts? Speaking of, aren't you supposed to be in school?" she said with a laugh.

"I suppose, but Prewett, when would you ever know me to follow silly rules like that," he joked. Alice and James's families went way back. They were close in the pureblood community with similar political beliefs.

"Since you became Head Boy. And it's Longbottom, Potter, don't forget it. You never did show up for the wedding anyhow."

"Neither did my parents because we were busy hosting your family's ball because someone decided to choose the most inconvenient date for their wedding," James teased. He hadn't spoken to Alice in what seemed like forever, but he missed her.

"Well then I suppose I can forgive you for that, but not for ramming into me right now. That was awfully rude."

"Well can you blame me? I could hardly see you. Height disparity and all," he said with a shrug.

"You're an arse, Potter. Glad to see you haven't changed."

"Never," he said, "In all seriousness, what are you doing here? Everything alright?"

"Oh yes. Frank's simply an idiot. Tried to impress me by learning how to cook like a muggle. The simpleton nearly set the house up in flames. The healer is grabbing him a burn potion," Alice said with a grin, "Now he's got to explain to the Head Auror why we were late to work."

"I'm sure he'll have fun explaining that one. I hear the Auror department is getting a bit uptight over there with everything going on."

"It's a long time coming, I'm afraid. There's word of the Ministry cutting funds to the Magical Law Enforcers so we can train more Aurors. Yet they are simultaneously cutting muggle-borns out of the running. I'm never going to understand politics."

"That's awful."

"Truly. This one real lovely applicant got cut just because of her blood. The girl sounded perfect for the job too. Brilliant grades and impressed the Head Auror too. He was talking about her for weeks. Everyone was baffled when she wasn't at the next training," Alice explained, "You and Lily should apply. I know Lily's muggle-born and all, but if Frank and I vouch... I bet she'll be passed through."

"Thanks, but no thanks, Alice. Honestly, that's really generous, but I imagine that after graduation we'll be busy enough. As will you."

"Without a doubt, but for now I have to go find my moron of a husband. I hope he isn't trying to schmooze the medi-wizards and witches into thinking he's actually hurt. But, James, don't be afraid to owl us or pop by the office sometime."

"Yeah, I'll definitely come see you both some time." But he knew they wouldn't. And if they did it certainly wouldn't be a social visit. James shook his head and continued down the hallway. He'd find that damned Owlery on his own.

But, in the end, it turned out that he didn't need to find the Owlery. By the time he would've found it, Lily would've been long gone anyways. It turned out he just needed to be in the right place at the right time. Or the wrong place at the wrong time, depending on your point of view.

"What are you doing here, James?" she asked. She had seen him.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Okay." Okay. Her voice was so hollow.

"I saw your parents. They seemed well," he said awkwardly. When were things so awkward between them?

"Doctors called it a miracle."

"I'm glad. They told me you went to the Owlery," James said. Lily glanced behind him.

"So you decided to visit the Potion's Storage Room?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Well, I may have not known where exactly the Owlery was so I decided to try and find it myself."

"You could've asked for directions, you know." There was a time when her voice would've sounded teasing when she said that. Playfully berating his stubbornness, but it was simply empty words.

"Right, so could we go somewhere a bit quieter?"

"Sure," she said. She looked into his eyes a bit deeper. "I suppose I'll lead the way since you aren't quite sure where you're going."

Was that sarcasm? He opened his mouth to reply, but Lily wasn't waiting for him it seemed.

"In here."

"Lily, you need to tell me exactly what happened that night. I was blinded by anger but think about it from my point of view. I know you're not a traitor, but it sure seemed like it then. So, please, just tell me what happened so we can figure this out."

"I understand that you felt betrayed. I understand that it looked bad. I get that. I really do, but that's why I didn't tell you that that was happening in the first place. I knew that if things went sideways and I had to improvise that you wouldn't understand. So I get that you were upset, and rightfully so, but you didn't give me a chance to explain. My parents were dying, James. Sirius and I were chained to the wall in that basement. The last thing I needed that night was for our relationship to falter. I needed you to trust me," Lily said.

"You wanted me to trust you, but you didn't trust me either. Trust goes both ways. You didn't explain it to me and I'm sorry, but I saw you pledging yourself to that demon of a man. What was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know, James. You could've just waited. Waited for my parents to be safe. Waited for me to take a minute to clear my head. To be ready to explain it to you. I was scared out of my bloody mind that night. I needed you, but you left me."

"I came for you. In the middle of the night on the word of a kid that I hardly knew and hardly trusted. I thought he was a Death Eater for Merlin's sake, but I couldn't take the chance that he wasn't lying, so I followed him. I didn't leave. I tried to duel You-Know-Who, which is nearly suicide because I just wanted to save you. You can't blame me for not understanding when no one told me anything," James said. He didn't want to play the blame game with her here. He just wanted her to talk to him. Communicate.

"But you didn't try to understand, James, you assumed and it changed everything," she said, "but I don't blame you. We can't change the past. I was upset at you and you were upset at me. But I'm too tired to argue, so let me explain."

And so she did. From the mysterious letter to finding her parents in the woods, miraculously alive.

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Lily." He was sorry. He was also sorry that she felt like she couldn't trust him with this. But in the end, it made sense. She was protecting him, which was nice.

"It's alright."

"So what now?"

"I don't know," Lily said at last. James looked at her. Really, truly looked at her for the first time in a while. She was so tired. Her beautiful red hair was unkempt, hurriedly pulled up into a bun. Her clothes wrinkled and She was trying to do everything on her own here and she needed help, but this was Lily. She wasn't about to ask for help.

"What can I do?" he asked. "I want to help."

"Find Jonathon. I don't know how he found out what happened and I don't know where he went, but I need to know he's okay," Lily said.

"But, Lil, he could be dangerous. He could be on the other side."

"Yeah, well just because someone's on the other side of us, doesn't mean they are a bad person. It doesn't mean I'll just stop caring," she said quietly. She fiddled with the small package in her hand. James hadn't noticed that before. He wondered if she was thinking of Snape.

"We just need to tread carefully. When someone on the other side helps you when no one can see them, it isn't the same as helping when the whole world is watching," James said.

"Perhaps it's not the same, but it shows personal loyalty. It shows what really matters to them in the end."

"How loyal are you really to someone if the only support you give them is when no one's looking?" James asked. He had a feeling they weren't talking about Jonathon Blake any longer.

"I guess that's the difference between you and I," Lily said.

James swallowed hard. He knew he had to tread carefully here. Their relationship laid in shambles around them. Slowly healing, slowly piecing itself back together by sheer will. He didn't know what to say, but she was looking at him curiously, waiting for a response.

"And perhaps," he began, "that's why we are so good together. We balance each other out."

When she smiled at him, he knew he said the right thing and he smiled too.

"Perhaps." she echoed, "I've missed you, James. As much as you hurt me, I don't think I can stop missing you."

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yes you did, but it's okay. I hurt you too and I'm sorry."

"Do you think we can get past this?" he asked.

"I'm not sure, but I'm willing to fail trying," Lily said grinning. To 'fail trying', he thought, was better than nothing. He didn't know if she meant as more than friends or not, but he really hoped they would be okay.

Laughing he opened his arms to her. "So am I."

She leaned into the hug. "I need to go back to my parents now. You're free to come with."

"It'd be my pleasure." James offered his arm out to her like the chivalrous Gryffindor he did his best to be.