It had been almost ten years since I woke up in the field. Sometimes, I still go back, wondering if somehow my memories of how exactly I got here would resurface; still, nothing. Not that it mattered to me, anyway. I had a life here; I was a teacher, had friends, and was happy. Every day, I woke up knowing what I would do, and there was nothing like the fear I felt in my dreams. I was always running from something and woke up screaming.
My doctor told me I was fine when I went to her with questions, so I believed her.
"Nightmares are common for those who have come back from a traumatic event. Whatever happened to you left you with amnesia and repressed memories. It's normal for your brain to go through these things while it heals. Just give it time, okay?"
I nodded and thanked her, my mind still reeling despite everything.
For some reason, I was never quite satisfied with what she told me, even though I had researched and met people who had gone through similar events and had been told the same.
This was normal.
I was healing.
Everything would come back, eventually.
But how long was "eventually?"
It could be years before I remember; even then, some of my memories might never return.
This was difficult for me to accept as a person who wanted to know all the answers right away.
So, I decided to turn my mind to other, more productive endeavors and became a teacher in my town. College was a fun experience for me and allowed me to stay low-profile in the city where the school was located. I made friends, made better memories, and built a life for myself that I was content with.
Still, something felt wrong. When my friends and I would go out together, I felt I needed someone else to be with me. I never knew who my mind was constantly searching for in the crowds at bars or concerts I was dragged to in the Summers, but whoever it was was not here.
I remember when my friends had taken me to a local cafe near our dorms, and I saw a man ordering a cup of coffee at the counter. He was tall and had tied his golden hair behind him in a bun. I had simply stood and stared, my eyes wide and unblinking, at this stranger I had never seen. When he turned around and saw me looking at him, I saw him smile, but I couldn't move.
"Hey girl, are you alright? You look kinda-" He didn't get to finish his sentence as I passed out on the floor, my mind reeling with blurry images of a man with golden hair and laughter that could quell any storm.
When I awoke, it was to see the stark white hospital ceiling.
My friends questioned me for weeks following the incident, but I told them I couldn't remember anything. That wasn't necessarily a lie, but I still felt guilty. After we graduated, everyone moved away, leaving me floating back to Florence, Oregon. City life had begun to take its toll on me, and I missed the countryside. The woodlands seemed to put my mind at ease, so I enlisted some kind builders' help and made a cottage near the lake near the school. After a short while, the local animals gathered near the home, and I spent much of my free time sitting on the back porch and feeding the raccoons and possums that wandered through the grass.
It was a good life; a simple one.
I still wanted more.
I longed to explore, to search for something that would lead to more answers about my past. That short-lived search led me right back to the field, which I had started to carefully avoid these past few months on account of my nightmares. In one of my journeys, I encountered a hidden path leading away from the field into the mountains and mapped out the path over several weeks to understand where it might lead.
Now, with a backpack on my shoulders and a notebook in my lap overlooking nothing but more mountains and no path end in sight, I wondered if this was simply a lost cause. My legs ached from walking, and I checked my phone, groaning at the lack of signal.
I should have expected it since I was 5,000 feet up the mountainside.
"Well, time to get going. I don't want to leave those poor raccoons waiting on their dinner," I joked, humming as I started to walk back the way I had come. After a while, I noticed that the path I was walking on had several other pairs of boot prints, all matching my own.
"Great. I'm walking in circles. Excellent map-making skills, Sadie," I mumbled, my mind still jolting at the old name my nurse had given me in the hospital the day after I woke up in the field.
"Sadie is my daughter's name. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you two matched. She looks a lot like you," the nurse had smiled at me, but I only nodded numbly and went back to sleep. It wasn't a moniker I enjoyed, but it was a name, and I was happy for a semblance of belonging. Stopping at the nearest tree stump, I bent down to grab my map from my backpack and heard the unmistakable sound of an animal caught in a trap. Following the whimpering noises from ahead, I carefully walked around the bend to see a young fawn jangling its tiny leg to escape the wire trap at its ankle. It started to shake when it locked eyes with me, and I raised my hands placatingly.
"Hey there, little one, it's alright. I'm here to help," I said gently, lowering my stance to kneel before the animal. Its dark brown eyes lowered to meet mine, and it carefully sniffed the palms I held out in front.
"See? I mean, you no harm. Those who put these stupid wire traps in this foliage do, though. So let's get this off of you, and then you will be free. I'm sure your mother would appreciate you returning home safely," I said as the fawn stared at me, not comprehending my words. I laughed, shaking my head as I bent down, grabbing a handful of peanuts and dried raspberries from my backpack. The fawn helped himself to my snacks, cautiously glancing at me now and then as I set to work removing the trap. Flicking my pocket knife open, I sawed through the wires, untangling them and ensuring no damage to the fawn's leg. After seeing only a few hairs missing from his ankle, I stood up, setting the rest of the trap inside my backpack to burn later.
"There you go, all better. Now, run home, little one. I don't wish to keep your mother waiting any longer than she has to," I said with a smile, and the fawn licked my hand appreciatively before bounding off into the forest. Placing my backpack on my shoulders once more, I looked ahead to see where the path led and saw what looked to be an albino elk staring at me through the trees. He was massive, his rack of antlers stretching for miles from where he stood, his nostrils flaring.
"That must be his father," I whispered, meeting his gaze from halfway down the dirt path. We stood together, one in front of the other as if acknowledging each other's existence for the first time. I took a cautious step forward, noticing the odd way the elk's hooves never wavered.
Usually, in an instance like this, an animal would bolt if a stranger tried to come near them. This stag, however, only continued to stare, his stormy eyes reflecting the stars that had begun to peek behind the clouds. I carefully walked nearer, holding a handful of extra berries, and came to where I could practically touch him. The stag only turned his head, lowering his snout to where I held the food and sniffing as a hound would if he found a hole full of dinner.
"You're hungry too, I gather. You must have come a long way to ensure your son is safe," I said, holding out my palm as the elk ate all I offered him, his velvet nose tickling my fingers. After a few moments, the white elk raised his head, locking eyes with me once again.
"I see you, my Queen," I heard a voice say, but there was no one else here but me.
And the elk.
I looked at the stag, knowing I was simply tired and needed to rest; there was no possible way the elk had spoken. Stepping forward hesitantly, I raised my open hand towards the elk's head and was remarkably surprised when he lowered his head to mine, his fur soft against my skin.
"I… I don't understand what's happening. I saved your charge. There is nothing more you owe me," I said, not comprehending why I was speaking to an animal as if it could comprehend my words.
"Come home."
The words were clearer than ever, although the elk's mouth was unmoving as I looked down.
"I…can't speak like that. I…need to go to my cabin. Can you guide me back home?" I asked, hoping the elk understood, and with one last look at me, the elk gracefully sat on the ground.
"I…was thinking more along the lines of you walking beside me, but I guess this will work as well," I said, my voice shaking as I carefully climbed upon the elk's back.
"Are you not worried about your son? I saved him from a trap. He must be looking for you," I said, hugging the stag's neck to keep from falling as he stood, calmly walking through the forest.
No reply was given.
"We should perhaps go back to look for him…wait. What are you doing? My home is that way," I said, pointing to the side as the elk continued to walk straight.
The elk was supposedly done with talking as he trotted down another path, one I had never seen.
"I have mapped out every square inch of these woods. Where did this trail come from, I wonder?" I questioned aloud as the elk continued, his heart beating quicker with every step he took. None of these grasses and trees looked familiar; the forest around us had grown thicker, almost as if we had entered into a dense underbrush.
"Where are you taking me, mighty elk?" I asked, my voice strangely calm, and I grew weary.
The elk's hooves only moved faster the longer we traveled, and I decided against asking any more questions.
Besides, it wasn't like he was going to answer me anyway.
…..
When I next awoke, I was greeted by new smells and soft blankets. Opening my eyes wearily, I stretched, my limbs popping with the effort. The sunlight burned as it touched my eyelids, and I squinted, cursing softly.
"It must be Saturday," I mumbled, chasing away any fears of what my principal might say if I was late to work.
"Oh! You are awake! Master Elrond said it would be a few more days before you were with us again. I shall inform him right away," I heard a female voice exclaim in surprise, and I rubbed my hands over my face before looking blearily at whoever had spoken.
"...who the hell is Elrond?"
Author's Note: I apologize for the long wait between chapters! I am horrible at updating and have been stuck for ages on how to re-write this chapter. For those of you who have been following this story from the beginning, you may have noticed that I have deleted the old chapters; I was not happy with how younger me wrote the past chapters and have decided to rework them into something I am genuinely happy with. This chapter was long in the making, and I promise the next chapters will hopefully be up regularly. It does take me a while to set the chapter up and make it flow smoothly, so it might be a while before the next chapter is here, but it will be here, so do not worry. As always, I love your feedback and am here if you have any questions or comments! Have a great rest of your week! :)