Yet again, I stared at the lilies in the garden, my fingers delicately tracing the bright lavender petals. It had been almost a week since I had awoken in Imladris, as Elrond had called it many times. My mind was still reeling with clouded images and memories, the echoes of a man's soft laughter and flashes of shining golden hair sprouting at the edges. Sighing, I shook my head, turning away from the flowers.
"Oh! I didn't realize you were here. I was looking for my son. My apologies for disturbing you," a woman's voice exclaimed softly, and I looked up to meet the soft silver eyes of Gilraen. She was the mother of Estel, a boy who had taken a quick liking to me during my short stay. When I first stepped out of my room, he ran up to me and hugged me around my knees.
"Ada missed you," he had said, his youthful voice sad and melancholy, and I cocked an eyebrow. Elrond had winced from his position behind the child and had shushed him quietly. I hadn't explained to the child that I had no recollection of him or anyone else; the boy wouldn't understand. Instead, I had smiled, bent down, and picked the boy up, ruffling his soft brown curls.
"I missed him too, young one," I had said in reply, looking to the older elf and smiling softly. Elrond's shoulders tensed for a moment before he smiled tightly, tears refusing to fall at the edges of his eyes. After that, the elven lord had been courteous and understanding towards me, but something was…off. He would check on me occasionally, but when our eyes met, he quickly looked away. When he started sending new healers to look after me, I wondered if Elrond was intentionally avoiding me. One of the servants had led me to the garden earlier this morning when I could not sleep, so I found myself here hours later.
"No, you didn't. I was just…thinking," I said to the woman, my silver gaze drifting to the side, and Gilraen smiled knowingly.
"He does not hate you, child. Elrond is-well, he is a complex man. He buries his emotions so far underneath the surface that only a select few have ever breached its waves. Give him time," she said as if reading my mind, and I blinked in surprise.
"I…thank you, Gilraen. I appreciate that."
"You are most welcome. Now, would you like to help me find Estel? It seems the boy has avoided his lessons with Erestor once again," she laughed, and I chuckled.
"I would love to."
…..
I had stumbled upon the stables by accident; I had been exploring the countryside of Imladris that day and had lost my way through the woods nearby. Following a well-worn path in the direction I had come, I saw another leading toward the peaceful sound of water splashing against rocks. Nearby, I had come across a seemingly never-ending pasture filled with powerful stallions. Their silver and umber coats glistened, their dark eyes endless pools of knowledge. Stepping closer to the waterfall nearby, I noticed briefly that no fences bordered the fields; the stallions peacefully grazed with no desire to flee. The trust these creatures had for their elven masters was overwhelming. As I bent down to scoop some clear water into my hands, I heard a pair of hooves behind me, and then a velvet nose touched the back of my neck.
"Hello there," I chuckled, returning to see a brilliant white stallion snuffling my brown hair that I had placed into a French braid. His azure gaze locked with mine, and he nickered softly before blowing warm air into my face.
"Your breath is revolting, sir," I coughed, suppressing a gag as the stallion whinnied, the sound almost like laughter.
"I see Asfaloth has made a friend," a friendly voice sounded from behind the beast. I moved to the side to see a tall, elven male walking towards me, his golden hair waving gently in the breeze beneath his shoulders. His ocean gaze sparkled with mirth and something else I couldn't place as he slid into the grass elegantly beside me.
"My name is Sadie. Nice to meet you," I said, reaching out a hand, and the elf grasped it with his.
"Glorfindel. A pleasure," He smiled, and I did the same.
Asfaloth pushed his nose into the elf's face, licking his forehead appreciatively before moving away.
"He certainly has a direct way of showing affection," I chuckled, the elf turning to me.
"Yes, he does. Especially with old friends," he added, and I winced.
"I…don't remember," I said, sounding more dumb than ever, and saw the male nod in understanding.
"I know. It took me several centuries to recall my past. It can be…difficult those first few years," he said, and I blinked. He laughed at my surprised gaze, shaking his head with a smile.
"There was a battle, long ago, where I lost my life fighting a demon. I was reborn years later, but my memory of who I was and what had happened was a blur. It took me some time to remember, and when I did, it was…not a time I want to relive. Remembering one's lost life can be a long and overwhelming process," he said, his gaze never leaving the soft waves pushing against the rocks.
Bringing my knees up to my chest, I sighed.
"I'm sorry. That must have been hard," I said, and Glorfindel looked at me.
"No apologies necessary. It was what the Valar had planned for me; no one can change what they have in store for us," he replied, and I looked away.
"Well, the Valar sound terrible if all they do is wipe people's memories and send them to their deaths with monsters."
The elf shrugged.
"There are worse fates," he said, and I chuckled drily.
"Worse than people you are supposed to know avoiding you? I don't even know what I did," I said, picking up a stone from where it sat in the grass and throwing it into the stream. The water rippled as the rock fell, the silt bursting from its slumber underneath the waves. Glorfindel's shoulders tightened then, but he said nothing. A few moments passed in silence before a bird sang from its branch overhead, and I glanced over as the elf stood.
"It is not my place to reveal the inner workings of Elrond's heart; I will say this, however: it is not your fault. Do not blame yourself. He must tell you what it is that burdens him, for his memories alone are causing his want of distance. I will speak with him," Glorfindel said, and I nodded once.
"Alright."
He placed a calloused hand on my shoulder, squeezing it gently. I looked up, noticing his reluctance to part with me as the sun set behind the trees.
"I will be alright here. Go ahead," I said with a smile, and the elf looked to the side as Asfaloth nickered next to me from where he grazed next to the stream. With a parting bow, Glorfindel left, his soft footsteps fading into the distance as I laid down, the grass and dirt forming a crown around my head as I gazed up at the shining stars poking through the clouds above.
"I miss home," I stated, talking more to myself than the horse. I missed my friends, my job, my students. I missed waking up in the same bed every morning, having coffee ready for me in my kitchen, and taking out the trash daily while being bombarded by mosquitoes in the mountains. I missed knowing what my schedule would look like: my desk, my laptop, my life. Why couldn't I ever simply live without people trying to rearrange everything?
I didn't notice tears falling onto the grass as I thought about all the things I had left behind; in those ten short years, I had made a new life for myself.
Now, I had to start all over.
"Why can't the universe just leave me alone?" I sighed, running a hand over my face to dry my tears before standing. Asfaloth glanced up at me before returning to the grass he was so greedily munching on.
At least someone was having fun.
…..
"No. Nope. Not doing that," I said, Glorfindel standing in front of me as he held out a sword for me to take. Crossing my arms stubbornly, I glared. Back on earth, fencing was one of my favorite pastimes, and I had been captain of my college's team for years. Swordfighting came quickly to me, and briefly, I wondered how proficient I had been with a blade in my past life. Glrofindel had caught me many times this past week practicing with the wooden dummies on the training fields before the sun began to wake. Now, he wanted me to practice with him, and I refused.
"I don't wish to hurt you," I said, stepping backward, and Glorfindel laughed.
"You will not. I am very capable of defending myself," He said, the mirth in his voice betraying him as I shook my head.
"Are you sure?" I found myself asking, even as I reached for the weapon; though the edges were dulled, the curved blade still looked as deadly as the one on the elf's back. As the sword was passed to my hands, the hilt fit perfectly in my hand as my fingers instinctively wrapped around the leather straps. The blade flowed like water in my grip as I swung it experimentally, getting used to the feeling. I hadn't fought a live partner for three years now, and my body was practically aching for a new fight. Glorfindel looked me over with a smirk as I sheathed the blade.
"You've missed this," he said, reading my thoughts as I blushed.
"You could say that."
"Let's get on with it then. I will not go easy on you," he joked, winking as he stepped back and drew his blade. Choking up on the hilt, I readied myself, closing my eyes and taking a breath.
"I wouldn't ask you to."
Even with my sight gone, I could tell where the elf stood, the wind betraying his position nearby. His breath was nearly indistinguishable from the sounds of other blades ringing from where soldiers practiced nearby, but I could hear it all the same; it was calm and slow, like the sluggish rivers of the woods back home.
Feeling the blood rush hotly through my ears at the promise of a new fight, I willed it to cool, a strange peace filling my chest once again. I had learned quickly that strong emotions during a battle were never suitable; they had landed me on my back many times. Leading with emotions and not strategy during a fight only led to costly mistakes, and serious injuries were possible in a case such as this.
Opening my eyes once my heart was calm, I calculated the distance from me to Glorfindel, seeing how he did the same. Tilting the corner of my mouth, I kept my sword at my side, my grip loosening slightly around the hilt as I stepped forward. Without warning, Glorfindel lunged, his eyes locking onto the open spaces between my blade and my chest. Knowing this would happen, I jumped to the side, twisting my sword to the side and shoving the tip of the blade into his ribcage. The elf huffed slightly, obviously taken aback by how quickly I had prepared for his strike, blocking any more attempts to reach his blind spot with his blade as we began to spar. Locking gazes, I saw my reflection in his dark, azure eyes and a fierce determination in my own that I had not had in years. As his blade came towards my neck, I bent backward, the blade ringing through the air as I caught my eyes staring back at me through the metal surface. Narrowing my eyes, I lunged forward, my blade clashing against Glorfindel's own as I pushed him backward. My blood began boiling again, but my limbs moved on their own accord; my brain and body were in sync in a way I had never seen. Shifting my blade to the side, I leaped just as Glorfindel swung his blade towards my chest, flipping forward and knocking his head to the side with my fist. I huffed as the elf turned back toward me, cradling his jaw in surprise. Bringing my blade back up, I ran toward the elf, my eyes unseeing as my mind overflowed with a hidden memory.
It was dark; too dark to see straight as I ran through the woods, the howls of many an orc behind me. My hair had flung loose from its warrior braids long ago, the once clean strands now caked with mud and blood from my fallen comrades.
"Come get me, you spawn of Morgoth," I shouted, my voice carrying through the tree branches effortlessly as I dodged another flurry of poisoned arrows. Skidding to a stop atop a cliff, I bit my lip, trying not to look down. The orcs pressed ever closer, their foul breath and stinking bodies quickly cornering me.
"Lord Sauron will be quite pleased with you, princess. You shall make a fine bride," the leader spat, looking over me with an evil smirk.
"Over my dead body, yrch," I replied, brandishing my blade that dripped with the remains of his dead soldiers. The leader snarled, gore flinging from his fangs. Turning my mouth in disgust, I dug my boots into the dirt, stepping forward.
"I shall kill you like I did the others. Your screams will surely make your elven prince's armies fall," he laughed, the sound grating. I roared in fury, lunging toward the beast. Knocking him down, I pressed my blade to his neck, a trickle of dark blood coating my fingers.
"Alariel, stop," the orc spat, his blue eyes filled with fear and concern.
"I will not fall for your trickery, child of darkness," I said, my voice dark and dangerous as I pressed the blade deeper, the orc's claws grasping my wrists.
"Alariel, you must stop. Please," The monster replied, but his voice was…different. Smoother and not nearly as evil as it had been.
"Never. Not after what you did to Calathwen," I said, digging a knee into the yrch's chest, my mind reeling. Just as I raised a fist to strike the orc, something grabbed me from behind, arms wrapping around my waist and hauling me backward.
"NO! Release me!" I yelled, thrashing against whoever held me. Their grip was firm, however, and I screamed in desperation, pulling at their fingers to try and release them.
"You are safe, riel. It's alright. Return to us," the beast behind me spoke, their tone calm, and I stopped, every bone in my body on edge. Blinking slowly, the orcs and their master disappeared, my surroundings fading to darkness.
When I regained my sight, I looked around, watching in horror as Glorfindel sat up, holding a wad of bloodied cloth to his neck where my blade had pierced him. My eyes widened as I realized what had happened.
"I…I'm sorry," I apologized, my voice hollow in my ears. Tears gathered at the edges of my eyes.
"It is not your fault," Elrond said, his voice filled with worry as he gently released his hold on me. I refused to look at anyone but Glorfindel, my eyes never leaving the gash on his tanned skin. As Elrond moved my face toward his, he spoke quietly, urgently, but my gaze was fixated on the wound I had inflicted on the elf lord.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I repeated as my mind clouded. I saw both elves look at one another, concern flooding their gazes as they turned to me.
"I'm sorry," I said again, falling backward and hitting the grass with a soft thud.
What had I done?