Marc's life, in the simplest of terms, has never been simple. His childhood, his military career, his time as a mercenary, the constant presence of Steven, Jake and Jessica for most of his life, and then fucking Khonshu. Really he fucked up Marc's life the most, there was no doubt about that. But despite everything and fifteen years of dressing up in a ridiculous costume, Marc had genuinely thought he had gotten a handle of it. When he became Moon Knight he honestly thought he would get himself killed, but somehow he survived to find his little corner that worked for him. He dealt with criminals, the occasional insane supervillain, and of course magic nonsense because of fucking Khonshu fucking things up for him even more than usual, and even joined a few superhero teams here and there. Marc had honestly come to feel that, despite the odd back issues as he got older, he was more or less used to his life now.

But as he stared at the sharply dressed man with a fucking moon for a head, he wondered if he was being punished for his arrogance.

"It's official. We've completely snapped." Steven, his British accent standing out much like Jake's Brooklyn accent, said simply.

"This is the coolest thing ever." Jessica almost whispered, her youthful fascination being obvious.

"What's your problem freak?" asked a man with cartoonishly thick shades, a notable accent as he spoke. "Never seen real cops before?"

"Well that is the most fake Detroit accent I've ever heard. Even worse than Steven's British." Jake muttered.

"Hey! Mine is better than this wanker's! Come on Jessica, back me up."

"Is nobody else interested in the moon man?"

Steven paused before speaking. "You're just trying to ignore the question, aren't you?"

"Shut up! Now is not the time!" the booming voice of Khonshu interrupted, sounding like listening to a speaker at the loudest possible volume right next to Marc's ear. "Marc, I order you to leave now. We have no reason to speak to this abomination."

Through all of this, Marc had done nothing but continue to stare at the moon faced man in a suit, who somehow seemed to turn and look at the other man without having eyes or anything resembling a face. Marc had seen a lot in his career, most of it just weird but a few being so utterly ridiculous he's tried to block those memories, but there was something uniquely absurd about this. Here he was, the Jewish chosen avatar of an Egyptian moon god with three alters arguing in his head who was now, after following a series of mysterious reports of a cowboy ghost to an abandoned building, was now standing in front of a man with a moon for a head and some guy who looked like an alcoholic seventies cop. This had to be the day his life jumped the shark.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" the sunglasses man shouted, snapping his fingers in Marc's face while moving the toothpick around in his mouth. "What are you doing here Taskmaster?"

"Taskmaster?" he replied in confusion.

"Yeah. That's who you are right? With the costume." the man explained, gesturing at Marc as he did.

Jake growled in annoyance while Jessica made an offended huff of anger.

"I'm Moon Knight. Who are you two, what are you even doing here? And what's going on with his head."

"We ask the questions here pal!"

"Marc! I told you to leave."

"Then explain what's going on?" Marc muttered out loud, too stressed to try and reply with his thoughts like normal.

"I said we ask the -" the man began, shoving Marc slightly as he did. In an instant Marc grabbed hold of his arm and twisted, the man screaming in pain as Marc shoved him to the ground while keeping the pressure on the arm.

"Talk now!"

"FUCK! Fucking let go of me! Moon, do something!" the man screamed as he tried and failed to escape Marc's grip. However despite his friend yells of pain, Moon simply just stood there with his hands in his pockets casually and seemed to stare straight into Marc's soul. Or at least Marc assumed that's what he was doing, Moon didn't have a face so for all Marc knew he was spacing out.

"Who are you two? And what are you doing here?"

"I'll never talk! Torture us all you want, but we made a vow to -" the man trailed off when he saw Moon pull out a wallet from his inside coat pocket and flipped it open, revealing a SHIELD badge. "Are you fucking serious!?"

"Not my fault you jumped the gun." The voice made Marc's hairs stand on end and sounded like rocks scrapping against each other, and it almost seemed to have an echoing effect with every word.

"Ok, that was creepy." Jessica said in a hesitant and almost frightened voice.

"So you can talk?"

"Of course, I talk all the time. Nobody listens."

"What? No, Moon can't talk. He speaks sign, when he decides it's worth the effort." the other man told Marc through gritted teeth, seemingly having given up on getting out of the superhero's grip. "Now listen up punk. I'm agent Shades Rodriguez and this is agent Moon, we work for SHIELD. You have five seconds to let me go or I'll personally be throwing you into the deepest and darkest hole in the world. Break one bone and the entirety of SHIELD we come down on your ass!"

"There is no fucking way this man's name is Shades." Jake told them. "SHIELD has hired some really dumb fucks in the past, but I refuse to believe even they lowered their standards enough to let this guy in."

"Can you let him go?" Moon asked, with a tone Marc was assuming was nonchalant. "He's a bit touched in the head, probably something to do with his mother, but he's unfortunately my partner."

Marc hesitated for a moment, listening to his alters speak before nodding slowly and releasing his hold on Shades, who swiftly pushed himself up and dashed to Moon's side. Or at least slightly behind Moon, his face in a grimace as he rubbed his arm before pointing at Marc.

"Smart move. Now who are you? Are you part of this?"

"Part of what?"

"Marc, I order you to leave at once! You should not be speaking to the abomination."

"Well fuck you too Khonshu."

For a rare moment, Marc's mind actually became silent as he stared in surprise at the moon headed man.

"You...You can hear him?" Marc asked hesitantly.

"Hear who?"

"Unfortunately."

"How? Who are you?"

"Never mind who we are, who are you!?"

"I'm the moon."

"He's what now?"

"Come again?"

"He said he's the moon. How can someone be the moon."

"He's lying Jessica. Has to be."

"Is anyone listening to me?"

"Marc, this is nothing more than an abomination!"

"That's it, everyone shut up! Especially you!" Marc yelled, pointing at Shades as he did before looking upwards slightly. "Khonshu, what does he mean he's the moon?"

It almost didn't seem like Khonshu would answer, and Marc was about to speak again when a petulant voice replied. "Two thousands years ago, a British druid made a spell to summon a warrior to aide them. The spell created this mistake."

"My old man man gave me a form to fight the enemies of Britain. But before that I lived as your moon, providing Earth light during the night without any thanks I might add. You always thanked stupid gods instead."

"So he's not the moon? You're just some magic warrior made by a guy?"

"Nope, I'm the moon. Isn't that right Khonshu?"

"...Technically, the abomination is correct. He is the moon."

"But how? Aren't you the god of the moon?" Jessica asked in confusion.

"That is correct."

"Then how can you be the god of a person?

"I'm not, I'm god of the moon. It's why you can understand him."

"But the moon is a person?"

"Yes."

"And is the same thing that Neil Armstrong walked on? And secret bases have been built on? And is outright right now because it's the middle of the night?" Steven interjected.

"The one and the same, unfortunately."

"Khonshu! None of that makes any sense!" Marc hissed to the god.

"Is he having a stroke?" Shades whispered to his partner as he watched Moon Knight stare off into a wall while muttering to himself, his frown somehow visible despite the mask.

"I believe he's talking to his, what's the word, alters? And Khonshu, who believe me is not someone you ever want to talk to." Moon answered while shrugging, despite knowing that Shades wouldn't understand him. "And I really need to set this guy straight, plenty of so called gods and men have tried to claim me as theirs. But nobody is the god of me. Except maybe the Uatu, and that's only because he's pretty casual about what he keeps under those robes."

"Ok enough of this. We're investigating a criminal that escaped custody and -" Shades began, before stopping and then pulling out his gun from his holster. For a moment Marc flinched and thought he was aiming at him, but then he realised that he was pointing the gun past Marc. "There he is!"

Marc span around and decided that he had been wrong. This was the moment his life jumped the shark, killed it with a lightning bolt and then ate the shark raw. The main stood in his black suit and hat with an aura that inspired both spine tingling terror and justified worship, and even from this distance his eyes seemed to pierce Marc's very being and transported him back to when he was young watching old movies with his dad.

"Please tell me you're all seeing what I'm seeing?" Steve whispered with a mixture of disbelief and awe in his voice.

"If we are, then clearly we're under a lot of drugs. Or maybe this whole Moon Knight thing really is all in our heads." Jake answered, a similar tone in his voice.

"What? It's just some old guy." Jessica said with confusion.

Steven was the first to answer, his voice hot with outrage. "How dare you. That's one of the greatest actors in film history. That's -"

"Lee Van Cleef! You are under arrest!" shouted Shades while Moon drew his own gun.

"Oh my god this is really happening." Marc whispered.

"Lee who?"

"Jessica, there's no way you don't know who that is. We grew up on his films!"

"You maybe, but I definitely didn't. The movies you watched were so boring."

"Guys. Is he challenging us?"

Jake's interruption made Marc focus on what exactly the man who looked like one of the most famous actors in the western genre unbuttoned his jacket, revealing his gun at his hip holster. He didn't reach to grab it but stood proudly, glaring down at the hallway at all three of them even as Shades continued to yell like the idiot he clearly was while Moon said nothing, giving off an unflappable impression in the face of this madness.

"The one time I would actually want a gun."

"Shut it Steven! Marc, as much as it pains me we must ally with the abomination and his male whore." Khonsu told him, surprising Mark and making him briefly wonder whether he had misjudged what the men had meant when they said partners. "Together, you can defeat this spirit."

Marc stood there for a few seconds, the legend seemingly waiting for him patiently. And then, with a brief look too see Moon and Shades standing beside him, Marc shrugged and pulled out his crescent darts from his belt. They stared intently at each other for a few moments, before both drew to attack and Marc's new odd allies fired their guns.

"This is the greatest night of my life!" Jake shouted in joy.

So Moon is a British indie comic by Beyond the Bunker and I wanted to write a fanfic for it for awhile, and yes there is a comic where the ghost of Lee Van Cleef is a villain. In the comics Moon and Shades works for the Agency, so I made them SHIELD agents here. I thought this would be a fun as I kind of wanted to point out of absurd it is in comics when conflicting mythologies and stories exist in the same setting with all of them intended to be true, and plus I wanted to try and write something funny as I haven't really done that before. Also Marc's alter Jessica is based on the little girl alter from the Ultimate Marvel version and is named after Marc's AU daughter.