Day 1. Wednesday, 6:45 AM
Cartman has not gotten better over the years. While the rest of South Park's 4th grade has matured and grown out of their parts that made them truly South Park, Cartman had devolved into even more of a hellspawn.
Cartman's jokes became more targeted in their bigotry. His luck in insults became skill. He started learning how to get under people's skin rather than spout the same slurs out over and over again. Not that the latter wasn't effective anyway when Cartman got lazy. But Cartman got better at finding out how to hit where it hurt the most and boy did he use it.
Kyle, like his friends, matured and stopped letting Cartman's prodding get under his skin.
The past few weeks have been particularly rough for Cartman's demeanor. He's been worse than he ever has been before. Plotting to the best of his limited intelligence. Which was still effective because secondary school relationships made Wendy and Stan's rocky elementary school breakups look as calm as a gentle breeze. Cartman had also left the school short by quite a few staff members. Through various means.
But this week, Cartman has been laser-focused on Kyle. He seemed determined to make Kyle snap. Telling Kyle at every opportunity that he'd be alone the rest of his life because he was a ginger, a Jersian, and a Jew. Locking him in the closet with his friends as a plot to pretend he was helping Kyle find love but using it as evidence to his point. Locking him in the closet with Stan and staying there for six hours. Thank fuck for Cartman's stupidity and phones. But fuck the school's shitty service which prevented either of them from getting a signal.
That last incident incited a talk with Wendy, who ended up freeing them when Cartman had finally left. She recounted an incident in 4th grade, one which Kyle remembered and loved. Wendy had beaten Cartman's ass for being rude about. Uh. Something. Unimportant.
"A cancer," Wendy had called him, "who would take and take until you had nothing left unless you fought it." Which was eerily accurate, Kyle realized as he recalled the way Cartman always escalated until someone said fuck it and hurt him. The bastard only really expressed sincerity when dealt direct physical pain. Psycho. Even then, it was iffy. But Wendy had never had any more problems with Cartman.
It was also the perfect excuse to give Cartman what's been coming to him for a long time.
So the morning after he talks to Wendy, when the usual four are standing at the bus stop, Kyle says fuck it. When Cartman starts spouting some of his antisemitic shit, Kyle just. Sorta. Slaps him. Right in his face. It resounds with a loud, lovely, smack.
Cartman's resulting expression is something that Kyle wants to immortalize in marble because damn. The complete and utter shock etched across his face. The slight reddening of his eyes. The pink on his cheek where Kyle had hit him. Everything about it is just so...satisfying.
Kyle wants to do it again.
And he will. At the next opportunity. Because Cartman is always providing those.
Cartman fucking sniffles like he's going to cry from a mere slap and Kyle has to clench his fist to stop himself from doing it again right away. Or going further. Because for all the shit that Cartman does to other people, he really can't take a single slap? The injustice of it all.
Cartman stares down at the ground and Kyle feels hot with satisfaction as Cartman lifts a hand to his face, looks up at Kyle, and states, "You hit me."
It's so shocked that his voice is devoid of anger, of any inflection. Kyle is bright red in the face and he needs to say something because slapping Cartman for a mere antisemitic joke that Kyle can't even remember is very out of character. He's long since learned to let them slide.
Actually, Kyle needs to look away because that heat isn't just in his face. Which doesn't make sense because this isCartman and no one should be getting aroused for or by the bastard.
Well, if anyone has to suffer, best Kyle than another.
Kyle looks away from Cartman with a scoff and for once he's sure that whatever Cartman comes up with as explanation for Kyle's actions can't be as bad as the truth.
Kyle doesn't even process Stan and Kenny, despite them being there as well.
Stan could not give less of a shit.
But Kenny. Well. Kenny's been watching with interest.
6:58 AM
They get on the bus in silence, contrasting their usual chatter that would drown out the never-ending barking of the driver. Stan sits with Kyle and Kenny sits with Cartman. The latter pair in the second to front row. Weird. Kenny normally sits on his own, when he deigns to show up.
Stan gets Kyle talking about the latest world he unlocked in Wizards 101 and Kyle almost forgets about the whole thing. Almost because it tingles something hot under his skin.
The bus fills with noise as they go and it's easy to fall into the crowd of gossip and friendly fists. Sitting in the back, Kyle has no clue what Cartman's doing. Which is fine. Totally fine. Not like he can turn around and stare without attracting suspicion.
The bus stops and they file off. Cartman's already gone. Fucking coward.
10:50 AM
Classes go as usual and then it's lunch. Which Kyle has with Kenny and Cartman because Stan didn't take the right classes for their lunches to align. Kyle plops his tray down across from Kenny and Cartman's seats.
"Hey," Kenny greets. There's a smile on his face that Kyle only gets to see at lunch when Kenny pulls back his hood to eat.
That orange parka never stopped being a part of Kenny's wardrobe. They'd actually pooled together their money to get Kenny a few different colors of it, but Kyle's neon green, Cartman's bright pink, and Stan's dark blue had somehow all turned Kenny's signature orange in the matter of a day. None of them have the faintest clue how he pulled that off. At least they expanded his wardrobe.
Kyle greets him back, "Hi." He sits to eat.
Then Cartman opens his fucking mouth while chewing to insult Kyle like always, "Who said you could sit with us?"
Kyle rolls his eyes, turning to Kenny to start a decent conversation but Cartman keeps going.
"We don't sit with spazzes who can't even control their hands." Kyle turns back to Cartman to see him cross his arms, glaring at Kyle. Kyle can pretend to see the outline of where he slapped Cartman earlier if he squints hard enough. Cartman continues, unperturbed by the returned glare, "Shoulda known. You're from Jersey. Shit's genetic after all. You'll never even get a girlfriend 'cause you'll definitely hit her. Po—OW!"
Kyle kicks him. Right in the shin. The shock on Cartman's face feelsgood again and the red-rimmed eyes and-
No. No. No. He'snot fucking doing this again.
Kyle stands so abruptly that he almost falls. He doesn't look back as he recovers to stumble in his haste to get away. He leaves without a word, going straight for the gender-neutral bathroom to be alone.
Only when he gets in and looks up does he notice Kenny behind him through the mirror. He'd think Kenny a ghost if he didn't know any better. He hadn't heard nor seen any sign of the other following him. Though he may have been too distracted to notice.
"Jesus fucking Christ, dude!" Kyle startles, whirling around.
"Sorry." Kenny raises his hands in mock surrender. He clearly doesn't mean it. Not with that smile.
"Why'd you even follow me?!" Kyle's feeling too many things right now and anger feels like coming home.
"Curious," Kenny answers, ever so blunt, "You look off."
"Fuck," Kyle cusses. He really doesn't know what to say so he cusses again while rubbing his face with his hands, "Shit."
Kenny stays quiet.
Kyle trusts Kenny. As much as, if not more than, Stan. Something about the other makes Kyle feel like Kenny would walk through Hell for him.
"It's...I..." Kyle explains without knowing how to explain.
Kenny's silent stare feels ridiculously encouraging for how blank the expression is.
"I hit Cartman." Kyle states, his face burning as he remembers that Kenny watched it happen. Kyle's sure his face is beet red as he tries again,"Hitting Cartman. Uh..."
Kenny's an expert in all things sexual. Kyle just has to spit it out. Kenny will help him.
"I got hard because I hit Cartman!" Kyle blurts out, words almost slurring in his urgency to get them out as quick as he can. As if that would somehow stop them from being as mortifying as they should be.
"Hot." Kenny answers without missing a beat.
"Kenny!" Kyle's face colors further.
Then Kenny's eyes widen with surprise. Kyle's not sure Kenny meant to say that. Which surprises Kyle in turn since Kenny has a tendency to flirt like it's the only reason that he's alive. Kyle thinks that pink dusts Kenny's cheeks.
Then Kenny's eyes flicker down.
Kyle feels so hot that he thinks he might explode. His hands shoot down to cover the tent in his pants.
Kenny only smirks in response.
"Dude," Kyle whines, hand shooting up to blind Kenny.
Kenny just keeps smirking, "Seems like a bit of a problem."
Kyle makes a weird whine/screech.
"And you want my...help with your problem?" Kenny's eyebrows waggle, Kyle can feel them through his hand on Kenny's face.
Kyle bluescreens so hard that he feels like he might cry. He lets his hand slip from Kenny's eyes and watches Kenny's breath catch.
Kenny stares into Kyle's eyes and Kyle stares right back, face red, while something hot flits between them.
Kenny's hand reaches out to rest on Kyle's hip, thumb rubbing at Kyle's v-line. He asks again, voice lower, "Do you want my help?"
Kyle lets the proposition sit for only a moment before giving a silent nod. He feels pathetic for the tears that prick his eyes. He needs something to distract him from the way the humiliation makes him feel hotter somehow.
Kenny drops to his knees, flicking the door locked on his way down—thank fuck for gender neutral bathrooms—a hand going to hover at the front of Kyle's pants while he looks up at Kyle, eye contact remaining unbroken.
Kenny hesitates there, hand just hovering in the air. Kyle feels like he's in a porno of some sort, what with the way Kenny looks at him. Like Kenny wants to devour him. Kyle is about to give another nod when Kenny unzips Kyle's jeans.
Then Kenny hesitates again, with his fingers hooked on the elastic of Kyle's underwear. Kyle can't take it.
"Kenny, please." Kyle's voice trembles with how aroused he is.
Kenny's palm presses against his confined cock and Kyle's powerless against the low moan that rolls from his throat. Kenny's eyes flash between the two sights, Kyle's cock and Kyle's face. He doesn't look as into it as Kyle feels but it sure looks like a close thing.
Kenny presses harder with his hand and Kyle guides them back so Kyle can lean against the wall behind him. His knees feel weak.
Kenny rubs Kyle through his underwear and Kyle slides down the wall to the floor, legs spread with Kenny following him down to settle on his knees between them.
Kyle is proud to say he doesn't whine when Kenny stops palming him through his underwear. Kenny pulls his underwear down over his cock, bending it until it springs out. He stares down at it and Kyle's cock twitches in response.
Kenny has never been one much for words and Kyle doesn't really know what to say anyway, nor does he have the coherency to figure it out. So there's no sound in the room when Kenny spits in his hand. The sound is obscene. It goes straight to his cock. So does Kenny's hand.
Kenny swipes off the precum that had beaded at the top of Kyle's cock practiced ease of a thumb and his four other fingers gently resting on the shaft of Kyle's cock. Kyle wonders if Kenny's jerked off other guys before.
Kyle wonders if Kenny's jerked Cartman off like this before.
The swirl of feelings at the concept are quickly disrupted by Kenny's fingers wrapping loosely around him and stroking, slow and mind-buzzingly warm.
After a few moments of heavy breaths and lidded eyes, Kyle experimentally lets out a groan. He doesn't know whether Kenny prefers silence or noise or anything really. Considering Kenny's hypersexual status, Kyle knows disappointingly little about the other sexually. He can tell that Kenny likes to see his effect on his partner though. Because Kenny looks up at Kyle's face a lot.
Kyle learns that Kenny does like vocality when Kenny's eyes shoot back up to his face at the sound with a visible shudder as Kenny strokes a beat faster, squeezing loose then tight. It feels better than any single stroke has a right to be, and then he keeps the pattern up. Kyle lets out more groans, much less controlled than the first.
Kenny then leans down slowly—a silent out for Kyle if Kyle wishes to stop, as if Kyle would want that, especially as his dick throbs in anticipation—to plant a sopping wet kiss to the head of Kyle's cock.
Kyle gasps and Kenny sucks the head of Kyle's cock like a lollipop—like he's trying to suck Kyle dry—while his hand strokes languidly.
Kyle groans louder this time, accompanied by a vocalization of, "Kenny," in a low, shaky voice.
Kenny swirls his tongue through the spit and pre in Kyle's mouth around his head and Kyle almost comes on the spot. The only things that stop him are the tight balling of his fists and a hell of a lot of concentration.
But balling his fists makes him think of Cartman. Cartman hurt, Cartman crying. Kyle only has a second to try to pull Kenny off, so he doesn't cum in the other boy's mouth.
He pulls at Kenny's hair with a groan of, "Kenny!" It's a rather weak communication of his intent to have Kenny off him as he cums but Kenny understands him well enough to get the message. Kenny also understands him well enough to know when it's fine to ignore him apparently.
Kenny looks up at him, narrows his eyes, and sucks on his head hard.
Kyle cums equally hard into Kenny's mouth, breathing ragged and broken by the moans he tries to muffle from rolling out of him.
It's wet. It's hot. Kyle can literally feel Kenny lap it up. It's bliss.
Kenny slurps his cum up loudly and gulps it down the same. It makes Kyle want the whole process to repeat.
Then it's too much and Kyle's pulling back, nothing left to give. Kenny does the same with practiced ease.
Kenny looks up at Kyle as he swallows the last of it. Kyle's eyes are drawn down to the movement. His thoughts fill with the desire to have his lips on Kenny's throat, be close enough to feel him swallow. Kyle directs his eyes back to Kenny's face and the other's cheeks are pleasantly red.
And, "Fuck," Kyle realizes. This is Kenny. Kenny who is known for sleeping around. Kenny who just had his mouth on Kyle's dick. And holy shit Kenny just had his mouth on Kyle's dick. Because hurting Cartman had made Kyle too horny to function. But he wasn't thinking about that now, one problem at a time.
And the current problem was the probable STD he was just exposed to. Who knows what it is with how much Kenny gets around. At least he's immune to the deadly ones. Fucking money-infused blood.
"Fuuuuuuck." Kyle does not want to deal with fucking herpes again.
"Well fuck you too." And Kyle's face must convey some sort of regret or self-hate or something because Kenny sounds mad. Shit. Kenny starts getting up—off the bathroom floor, ew—so Kyle grabs for Kenny's arm. Kenny just throws him off.
"Wait." Kyle's voice almost shakes as he asks.
Kenny stops. Waits.
And shit. Kyle doesn't know what to say. Fuck, Kyle feels so awkward.
The silence stretches but Kenny doesn't leave. Ugh, why doesn't Kenny leave? The awkwardness completely overrides any post-orgasm bliss Kyle had been feeling.
Kenny turns back towards Kyle. His expression is so blank that Kyle can barely stop himself from taking a step back. Kyle's head hurts as he looks at the other.
Then Kenny leaves, door closing behind him and something about it feels so...off.
Not even a second passes after the door shuts behind Kenny before Kyle hears Cartman's voice.
"Kinny," Cartman greets before pushing at the door.
Kyle's dick is still out of his pants, he processes as the door starts to open again. He rushes to re-shut it.
He hears Cartman's voice again when he starts pushing, "Ooo, Kinny, were you gettin' laid?"
Kyle pushes against the door harder, frantic in effort to keep Cartman from coming in.
"Ohoho. Is the bitch ashamed?" And Cartman's tone. Fuck.
"Who is it, who is it? Damn bitch just let me open—" Cartman grunts with effort as he loses ground, "Fuck! Stop. Fucking. Resisting! What are you fucking cheating on someone?"
Kyle supposes that assumption is better than the truth.
The pressure against the door from Cartman's side lightens so Kyle lets up the same because he is worn out from Kenny. Recovery will benefit him more in the long run anyway, he doubts Cartman will be able to open the door unless he catches Kyle off-guard. The door is only a quarter of the way open now.
Cartman pants so heavily that Kyle can hear it through the door, clearly trying to catch his breath. Kyle does the same but much quieter because fuck knows if Cartman can identify him by the sound of his breathing.
"Damnnn Kinny, you got someone to cheat!? My boy's grown up to be a homewrecker, I'm so proud." Cartman fakes a sniffle, "Now who is it? Is it Wendy?"
Something muffled comes from Kenny in response that Kyle can't make out. ("I was fucking your mom.")
Cartman's voice raises, "Fuck you, Kinny! Tell me who it really is!" Cartman starts really pushing and fuck. Kyle is too worn out from Kenny for this.
He does get the door closed because even worn-out, he can still best Cartman. With difficulty. And the pleasure of hearing Cartman's screeching obscenities of, "Open up, bitch!" and "Damn it, whore!" as he slowly closes the door.
Kyle flips the lock quickly once he gets it shut. Where his panic had taken over in his urgency to get the door shut, now he can focus on Cartman's incoherent, frustrated, cussing him out. And fuck. This was why the whole thing happened in the first place.
Damn Cartman and damn his fucking ridiculous luck for not allowing him to even suffer without inconveniencing others.
"I swear to fucking God, you whore, if you don't open this door right now, I will bash your fucking teeth in so hard that you won't be able to open your mouth for anyone for fucking weeks!" Cartman's clearly trying to be intimidating but it's just pathetic. And hot. Because it's pathetic.
Kyle's getting hard again and it's barely been a minute since Kenny had gotten him off.
...Could he just jack off quick while Cartman's banging at the door? No. No. No. That'd be weird.
Weirder than getting hard and sucked off because of it? No.
Cartman's fist had started banging on the door as soon as it had locked (after yanking at the handle, of course) and Kyle has an idea.
Kyle turns around to lean against the door as it quakes from Cartman banging it. And this is soooo fucked up, but his hand is already stroking his dick slow, hard, and in time with the shake of the door after each bang of Cartman's fist.
Cartman's cussing hadn't stopped, "—and I'll slit your fucking mother's throat too—"
Kyle's still sensitive, and he hadn't really come down from his arousal high in the first place so he's not too surprised when a much harder bang against the door, a body slam, makes him come. His thighs quake and Cartman's pained cussing muffles Kyle's own loud gasp as he strokes himself through his finish until he's sliding to the ground against the door, panting.
And fuck, fuck, fuck. Today has not been a good day for decisions made by Kyle and it's only halfway over.
The banging on the door has stopped and it's quiet outside. So, either Cartman is trying to pretend he isn't there so the bathroom's occupant will think he's gone, and he can catch them, or he's getting a teacher to open it for him, probably by pretending it's an emergency. Kyle wouldn't be surprised if Cartman got an ambulance-fire department-police combo to do it. Just to humiliate the occupant for making him feel humiliated. The bastard has always been willing to go to extreme lengths.
Kyle quickly cleans the floor of his cum, taking some wet paper towels to it and then one quick to his dick, finally shoving it back in his pants. He trashes the paper towels, trashes some more for good measure, washes his hands, and trashes what definitely feels like enough to cover it. Other than taking the trash bag entirely. Which he can't do because walking through the halls with a trash bag is too suspicious. As much as that would be the only way to ensure that Cartman doesn't get his hands on the trash and forensics Kyle's DNA out of it or something. Kyle trashes a few more soaked paper towels as he worries. He shakes it off by remembering that he needs to leave. Fast.
Kyle takes a deep breath and opens the door.
Cartman isn't behind it. Thank fuck.
Kyle quickly puts some distance between him and the bathroom. He takes the long route back to the lunchroom, avoiding the office where he bets Cartman went. Kyle rounds one corner before he sees Cartman anyway. With a counselor.
"Kahl!" Cartman shouts, clearly ecstatic. And totally about to rope Kyle into it, fuck.
The counselor gives Cartman a look at the shout but keeps walking quietly with Cartman towards Kyle.
"Cartman." Kyle greets. His panic is lifted and immediately replaced with mortification because he just jacked it to this moron. And the mortification is good because then thinking about Cartman's coming disappointment, frustration,suffering- Fuck. Nope. Just not thinking about it.
Cartman feigns concern as he speaks. Concern that'd clearly be fake to anyone who bothered to learn the first thing about him but none of the adults at the school do so unless they want to fuck the student. "Kahl, Kahl," Cartman reaches out to grab Kyle's hands and Kyle—the idiot that he is—lets him, "Someone's locked themselves in the gender-neutral bathroom and they won't come out!"
So that's the story Cartman's going with.
Cartman continues, "Oh, everyone said gender-neutral bathrooms were a bad idea," except Kyle while Kenny's mouth was on his dick, "I hope this isn't proof..."
"Oh gosh," Kyle feigns concern that Cartmanhas to recognized as fake but the other says nothing. Cartman's probably delighted that Kyle's playing along. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I knocked on the door and that's what they said!"They, Cartman says. Does Cartman know? No. No, there's no way he'd know. It's probably another layer of feigning allyship.
Cartman's hands are sweaty.
"Oh wow. I hope you find them okay." Kyle pulls his hands out of Cartman's (who resists as subtly as possible) and walks away.
Cartman's probably torn between risking not catching the person and not bringing Kyle along. He must walk away because moments later Kyle hears a loud, "Fuck!" from around the corner. He turns around to see Cartman running back to him, "Did you see her leave, Kahl?" And Cartman's grabbing Kyle—this time by the shoulders—again.
Kyle wants to make himhurt so badly, "See who?"
"Ughh fuck. You probably helped her, you conniving fucking Jew." Cartman's hand squeezes his shoulders and he starts to shake Kyle, "Who was it, was it Wendy? Bebe? A teacher? Who, goddamit, who?!"
"Fuck!" Kyle yanks Cartman's hands off of his shoulders, "Dude, what the fuck?"
"Kahhhl," Cartman moans in distress.
Fucck. Fuck. Fuck. Kyle wants to punch him, wants to hear more, wants, wants, wants- No. Kyle keeps a cool facade, "What the fuck are you on about."
"Kinny was fuckin some taken woman in the bathroom and he won't tell me who." Cartman whines.
"...And how do you know that?" Kyle indulges.
"'Cause he came out the bathroom lookin' like it- Dude there was stuff on his face." Oh shit- "That whore musta been beggin' and squirtin', you shoulda seen him. But- but when he came out, someone shut the door and refused to come out."
Cartman pauses then gets that look on his face. The one that means he's about to fuck with Kyle, "I bet it was Wendy. I'm sure Stan doesn't satisfy her, he's too busy pining over you like a bitch in he-"
Kyle slaps him and Cartman stops and fuck. Kyle needs to stop because getting it up for Cartman four times in one day would be the new lowest of lows for him. It's not even fucking noon.
Kyle turns away, "Where's Kenny?"
"You— You- Are you fucking serious?!" Cartman splutters.
Kyle kind of wants to gaslight him. The incredulity in his voice is just...Fuuuucck. Kyle answers flatly instead, "What."
"You can't fucking do that!" Cartman stomps as his fists ball in protest.
Kyle looks back at Cartman and four full times is such a low, "Do what?"
"Hit me while I'm off-guard like that! Fucking coward!" Cartman complains.
Yeah, gaslighting Cartman would not be great for Kyle's sanity. He's already in the deep end but he doesn't want to drown. He hasn't lost all his self-respect yet. Not 'yet'. There won't be a 'yet'. Fuck.
"Okay," And because Kyle had the self-restraint of Cartman in front of a bucket of fried chicken, he adds, "I'll just tell you first next time."
"You-" Cartman tries.
Kyle talks over him, "Unless you don't think you can do anything about it? Unless you know that I'm stronger?"
"No-" Cartman tries again.
Kyle finishes his argument that Cartman can't contradict because then he'd be admitting to being weak, "Then it should be fine."
Cartman stays silent.
Kyle relishes in it. It'sbad. And Cartman's not putting up his usual fight but Kyle knows, can see that he's plotting. And the universe, as always, will help Cartman.
So Kyle distracts again, "Where's Kenny?"
"Uh. Probably back at lunch?" Cartman answers passively, clearly thinking about other things.
"So why don't we go ask him?" Kyle asks.
"Cause he won't fucking answer? Duh?" Cartman says as if it's obvious. Which yeah, but.
"So bribe him?" Kyle points out because Kenny always responds to bribes. Which Kyle immediately remembers is not in his best interest. Crap.
This gets Cartman to pay attention. Kyle wonders if he'll interpret it as some sort of apology. He doubts it.
"Good idea, Jew." Cartman turns back and marches towards the lunchroom, Kyle following. Walking is ridiculously uncomfortable but giving Cartman any possible leads that he's hard is the worse alternative.
The silent walk is awkward so Kyle prompts, "Counselor really fell for your excuse?"
"Hook, line, and fucking sinker, man. Not a doubt in that geezer's mind. This school's such a fucking joke."
"Yeah, could probably get away with murder."
Cartman smirks, "Where do you think Mr Slashley went?"
Kyle rolls his eyes as they enter the lunchroom. Kenny's back at their seats.
Kyle didn't think this through.
They sit back in their seats. Kenny looks up and Kyle wants to apologize. Even without knowing what for.
"So who was it?" Cartman asks.
Kenny looks over to Cartman, "Who was what?"
At the answer, Cartman looks like he wants to bash his head in.
It takes all Kyle has left in him not to laugh as Cartman groans and Kenny grins.
Kenny turns back to him, meeting his eyes with a matching smile, and everything feels okay again.
"Don't fucking start this again, I swear to fucking God." Cartman gripes.
If Cartman loses it right now, Kyle thinks he might too. In a different way.
Kenny snickers.
Cartman's hands bang on the table in a way that viscerally flashes Kyle back to the banging on the bathroom door.
Kyle wants to tell Kenny about that, he realizes with a flush.
Now Kenny's smirk flashes at both of them. He's obviously deduced something.
"I already told you. I was fucking your mom's wet," Kenny looks at Kyle for a moment letting Kyle know that those words are directed at him, and while taunting Cartman, Kenny knows exactly how to get to Kyle's dick, "sopping, hole until she came allll over my face."
"Shut up about my mother, Kinny!" Cartman screeches.
"She was begging for it." Kenny continues, ignoring Cartman.
"Kinny, I swear to God-"
"Couldn't even stay up straight, I had her cumming so hard."
Cartman stands up. Kyle kicks Kenny in the shin. Because as much as he would normally be right there with Kenny in prodding Cartman until he snapped, Kenny was also teasing Kyle with his veiled words. And the anxiety that Cartman might find out is too high for Kyle to enjoy this. Any chance that Cartman might find out about Kyle existing in any sexual way is too high of a chance.
Kenny's smirk turns into a frown and a side-eye at Kyle for only a moment before the smirk reemerges, "Unless you wanted it to be someone else? Maybe someone at this table?"
Kyle tries to kick at Kenny again but Kenny traps Kyle's legs between his ankles, tight. Kyle doesn't have the braincells left to process the feeling that arises because of it.
Cartman's standing frozen at Kenny's side. Kyle totally understands the sentiment.
"Hmm...Fucking Kyle in the school bathroom..." Kenny pretends to mull it over, "I gotta say, I wouldn't be opposed."
The table erupts into chaos.
"Fucking faggot!" Cartman spits.
"Kenny!" Kyle finally protests.
"That's nasty-" Cartman continues.
"What the fuck dude-" Kyle continues at the same time.
"Saying that shit in front of my not-salad-" Cartman complains.
"You've got to stop-" Kyle starts.
"Trying to make me vomit?" Cartman groans.
"these fucking jokes man." Kyle finishes.
Kenny just laughs through their protests.
The table quiets and Cartman sits back down.
Kenny doesn't leave it. Snickering, he says, "I bet the carpet matches the drapes."
"Dude!" Kyle protests.
"Ew!" Cartman yells.
Kenny cackles for a while as the others quiet down in thought. Kyle tries to avoid nervously glancing at Cartman to see if he's caught on to anything and he's successful until Cartman speaks again.
"Dude." Cartman draws their attention before asking, "Would you actually fuck Kyle?"
"Hey!" Kyle protests again.
"Yeah?" Kenny voices confusion at the notion of the contrary.
Kyle whips towards Kenny with a, "Dude."
Cartman's quiet now. Kyle has no clue what he's thinking. It's nerve-racking.
Kenny comments as if it adds any explanation, "You've got a great ass."
Kyle colors scarlet, "Dude!"
"Yeah and it makes him look like a fucking girl." Cartman mutters and his face is red too.
"Cartman, I'm going to beat your fucking ass." Kyle promises, as he whirls towards Cartman, balling his fists as he stands.
"What the fuck!" Cartman whines, scooting closer to Kenny.
Kenny snorts again, wrapping an arm around Cartman's shoulder as he keeps laughing. Kyle's passively worried Kenny will pass out from how hard he's laughing.
"I barely even said any-" Kyle grabs Cartman's wrist and yanks the other up out of his seat and out of Kenny's arm around him, "Ow- Hey!"
"Don't-" Kyle starts but he sees a teacher coming out of the corner of his eye so he lets go and sits right back on his seat.
Cartman does too as the teacher approaches.
"Everything alright?"
"He-" Cartman starts.
Kyle talks over him, "Everything's fine. But it doesn't look fine over there." He points out a student rounding the corner outside the lunchroom.
"Huh?" The teacher asks.
"That was Jeremy, wasn't it? He doesn't have this lunch." Kyle bullshits.
The teacher blinks and then she's on the hunt for the fake student.
"Smooth," Kenny comments as she gets out of earshot.
"Kenny." Cartman immediately says.
Kenny looks back over to him.
"Five bucks if you tell me who you were fucking in there." Cartman offers.
"I already told you it was-" Kenny says and Kyle honestly expects a glance in his direction but Kenny doesn't do that.
"Ten." Cartman ups.
"Damn." Kenny's eyes widen. Then he refuses, "Sorry but my lay was worth more than that."
Kenny better not put a fucking price on him.
"Twenty." Cartman ups and fuck. Kyle's in for it.
"Hmm...Tempting. But still no." Now Kenny glances at him, "How much do you think it's worth, Kyle?"
Before Kyle can answer, Cartman's hands are slamming on the table again, "So you do fucking know!"
"Uh. No?" Kyle tries. He knows he fails from the moment he failed to keep the surprise off of his face.
Kenny laughs, "That was the worst lie I've ever seen you try."
"Oh, shut up." Kyle retorts.
"One of you better fucking tell me." Cartman's furious. Kyle is once againnot thinking about the things it's doing to him.
"You give me a hundred and I'll let you watch next time." Kenny glances over at Kyle whose expression widens further, "...Is that okay, you think?"
"Don't ask me!" Kyle blurts out. Kenny is so blatant. He recovers after a pause, "If you get her permission, I guess?"
"Hmm..." Kenny hums, thinking.
Cartman interrupts, "Deal."
"Deal?!" Kyle and Kenny chorus.
"Yeah? Why not?" Cartman looks genuinely confused and a bit ashamed. Which Kyle ignores because he's improving, he swears.
"Damn." Kenny looks a bit flushed and Kyle wants to throttle him for whatever thoughts are going through his head, "I'll let you know if I get a yes then."
"Dude." Kyle says, flabbergasted.
"Kyle, shut up. This is none of your business." Cartman glares at him and Kenny starts laughing again. It leaves a confused Cartman turning to look back to Kenny, "What?"
"You guys are the fuckin best." Kenny's smile is actually really cute. Kyle sees Cartman soften at it too.
There's a beat where everything feels oddly bubbly, in a nice way before Kyle breaks it.
"Wait. You wanna watch Kenny get laid?" Kyle asks
"Yeah? Again, I don't get why not." Cartman questions.
"Uh." Kyle's about to say that it's kinda gay but he really has no room to talk anymore.
Cartman grins and Kyle wants to wipe it off his fat fucking face.
So he says it anyway, "Cause it's fuckin gay, dude?"
"No it's not!" Cartman protests, "You don't watch porn for the guy."
"Awww, you don't want to watch me?" Kenny cuts in, clearly dejected.
Cartman's face colors and oh that's interesting.
Then the bell rings, once again saving Cartman's ass from a dire situation. The three of them are washed away in the flood back to class.
11:20 AM
Kyle's got three more classes today. Spanish with Kenny and Stan. English with Cartman. And Gym with all four of them. He still thinks Cartman did something during scheduling to ensure they shared the class. (Cartman did, he spun a story about bullying due to his size and how he needed his emotional support group).
They've got assigned seats for Spanish so there's only really a few minutes to talk. Kyle beelines for Stan.
"Dude." Kyle greets.
"Dude." Stan returns.
Kenny's there too, just quiet. Kyle briefly wonders how long Kenny's been following him quietly, both now and in their lives but he dismisses the curiosity.
"I've hadthe longest day." Kyle groans.
"Yeah?" Stan prompts.
"Yeah." Kyle pauses. He doesn't know what to tell Stan. Just straight up say he and Kenny got it on because he's got the weirdest form of hots for Cartman? No. No, Stan would be well within his right to judge Kyle for that. Is he going to lie to Stan?
"Cartman." Kyle states definitively because that is answer enough. Kyle hopes Stan won't pry.
Kenny snorts a laugh and at least someone's getting some entertainment out of this.
"Cartman." Stan agrees, clearly understanding because Cartman is Cartman, yet missing everything at the same time, "Anyway, you'll never guess who got into it during lunch."
"Who?" Kyle asks.
"Butters and Wendy." Stan whispers.
"Butters and Wendy?!" Kyle and Kenny both echo.
"Yeah, dudes!" Stan confirms.
Butters and Wendy are conspicuously absent from the room.
"No fucking way." Kyle scoffs.
"Yes fucking way." Stan insists.
"Why?" Kyle asks.
Stan pauses, "...I've got no idea dude."
Kenny and Kyle share a look. Then a groan.
"Dude," Kyle turns back to Stan, "This is why you guys break up so much."
"Fuck off," Stan scowls, "as if you've ever held a relationship."
"Oh fuck you, I could hold a relationship!"
"Bullshit." Stan challenges, "With who?"
Kyle's eyes dart towards Kenny and Kenny is staring right back. Kyle's going to die today and it'll be from the heat in his cheeks, "Fuck off."
Stan looks at Kyle, looks at Kenny, and does not learn anything because the boy is completely oblivious to social cues. Thank fuck for that. Kyle has no idea how to possibly explain the whole thing.
The bell rings and they sit in their assigned seats for the remainder of class.
12:15 PM
Then it's English with Cartman who's sitting right next to him because of the goddamn alphabetical assigned seats and because fuck his luck.
Kyle sits down. Cartman scoots his chair away as he does. Which means that Kyle has to scoot his own closer as a point.
They continue the pattern of scooting until Cartman scoots too hard and his chair tilts backwards. Kyle's hand shoots out on instinct, grabbing Cartman's thigh to bring him back to ground.
"Hands off, you fucking fag." Cartman hisses.
Kyle digs his fingers into Cartman's thigh and is delighted by the pained whimper it elicits. Which,bad Kyle. He pulls his hand off Cartman's thigh and faces forward rigidly.
"What the actual fuck crawled up your ass today?" Cartman glares, pausing as if he expects an answer to his bullshit question before hissing again, "Was it really Kenny's massive dick? Did he fuck you so hard that you got your first period?"
Kyle rolls his eyes and keeps his head forward. He's not engaging again today. Four times was more than enough shame.
"Or was it Stan?"
Nope.
Cartman fake gasps, "Did they double team you? No wonder you're so uptight right now. Got to make up for how loose you are elsewhere."
The only thing that stops Kyle from snapping is the ringing of the bell to signal the start of class. Which it does, the teacher droning on. But so does Cartman's paper-passing ritual.
The first note slid onto his desk, he ignores. Another note thrown at him, he ignores. Another at his head, he ignores. Another in his lap. A kick at his desk. A kick at his leg. A harder kick. A poke. A pinch. Both on the arm, through his sweatshirt. He ignores everything.
Cartman scoots closer and his fingers goes to Kyle's thigh to pinch it so Kyle grasp the offending hand. And doesn't let go.
"Let go," Cartman hisses.
"No." Kyle refuses.
"Dude. Let go."
Kyle squeezes Cartman's hand.
"That's fucking gay, dude." It's a smart ploy but the pain on Cartman's face tells Kyle that he's just desperate to get it to stop.
Plus, it's a point of pride. He'll do what he wants, and Cartman can't do shit about it.
But Cartman whips his head in their teacher's direction, opening his mouth and Kyle knows Cartman's about to call her over. Kyle lets go in record time.
"Stop bothering me."
Cartman pokes him in the arm.
"Cartman. I swear to fucking God if you don't knock it off, I'll bash your stomach in so hard that none of your fat will save you from needing it pumped."
The threat has no effect. Cartman's hand comes out again and Kyle feels like he's back in 4th grade with how close he is to straight-up losing it. Kyle just grabs Cartman's hand. And lets it go again. Because Cartman opens his mouth to yell. This happens 3 more times before Kyle snaps.
"Cartman." Kyle grits his teeth, "Do that one more fucking time and your ass is getting beat after school."
Cartman gasps, "You talked to Wendy." It sounds like an accusation.
Cartman doesn't talk to or bother him again for the rest of class.
1:00 PM
Kyle and Cartman walk separately to PE. But they arrive at the same damn time, physically, in the locker room.
"Fuck," Cartman cusses, reeling back. Kyle does the same, sans cuss.
"Damn, is Cartman being homophobic to you 'cause I said I wanted to fuck you?" Kenny appears behind Cartman, orange parka still on because he still hadn't bought a gym uniform. Kyle bets Kenny prefers it this way anyways.
"...What?" Stan appears behind Kyle and fuck. He probably should have just fessed up earlier. Too late now.
"Fuck off, Kinny!" Cartman's frustrated accent is out in spades, 'off' sounding more like 'awff'.
It's been a long day. Kyle is tired. He turns around and just drapes himself on Stan with a groan.
"Dude. What the fuck kinda day did you even have?" Stan asks, disbelieving.
Kyle just groans again.
Kenny snickers, the bastard.
Stan's hand comes up to give him a momentary, comforting head rub and the sentiment does wonders on Kyle's energy levels. This is why Stan's his best friend, the saint.
"Fags." Cartman scoffs.
Three fingers flip Cartman off at the same time. Actually, four. Craig's also goes up. He's not even on their side of the room.
There's a bang on the locker room door with a called, "Hurry up in there!" by their teacher.
Kenny and Stan are already ready, the latter in his PE uniform so Kyle strips off his shirt, grabbing the one from his locker. While he does so, he notices two stares. Kenny and Cartman. It's aweird combination. He's not thinking about it.
He pulls on his shirt as Stan questions in clear bewilderment, "What the actual fuck is going on with you three?"
"I wish I fucking knew, dude." Kyle answers, then continues, "Now cover me while I change into my shorts 'cause those two have been staring at my ass apparently." Kyle turns around without looking at Stan's responding expression which he is sure is hilarious.
Cartman splutters as Kenny responds with pride, "Damn right we have."
"No— NO! Have not!" Cartman screeches as he whips his head away.
Kyle drops his pants. Stan's looking at the other two, and Cartman's looking away, so it's just Kenny staring at him. Kyle's feeling mischievous so he makes a bit of a show of bending over. He pulls his feet out of his pants and straightens back up to grab his shorts. He bends over again and it feels strange to present his ass like this but it also oddly hot. He pulls on his shorts, straightens up again and throws Kenny a wink as he gives Stan a pat on the back with a, "Thanks."
Kenny grins maniacally as Stan turns back to him speaking, "Of course. But what the fuck, man?"
"Kenny's been hitting on me." Kyle explains, "It's chill. Cartman's begging for an ass beating."
"Am not! I could kick your ass any day!" Cartman protests, whirling around.
"Then we'll see after school, won't we?"
"No we fucking won't. I'm busy." Cartman lies like a fucking liar.
"Liar." Kyle points out.
"Nuh-uh!" Cartman denies.
"Yeah-huh."
"No!" Cartman stomps, moving forward in his aggression.
"Yes." Kyle responds the same.
"No."
"Yes."
"No-"
"Kiss!" Kenny interrupts Kyle and Cartman's childish bickering with a shout.
"No!" They screech back, both red-faced and springing back to hit the lockers on opposite sides.
"Boooo. I want a refund, this porno sucks!" Kenny complains with a laugh.
"Huh." Stan verbalizes.
The bell to start class rings. Kyle, Stan, and Kenny start to leave.
"Fuck!" Cartman cusses, audibly struggling to strip behind them
Kenny gives Kyle a smirk and Kyle really wants to make him enjoy this like Kyle is enjoying it.
"Stan, go on ahead," Kyle says, "We'll wait for Cartman."
Kenny's smirk turns into a ravenous grin.
"Uh. Okay." Stan leaves.
Then it's just Kyle and Kenny at the entrance of the empty—sans Cartman—locker room. Something feels like it charges the air around them.
"Cartman totally wants you." Kenny says. Even muffled, his voice travels just fine through the locker room.
Which means Cartman also hears the comment and screeches across the locker room, "No, I fucking don't!"
Kenny cackles like a hyena. Kyle has a hard time not joining in.
"Well, I do." Kenny winks.
"Dude!" Kyle snorts.
"Fags!" Cartman calls.
"Oh don't act like you don't want in." Kenny rolls his eyes.
Cartman screeches and stomps over in his uniform, "Shut the fuck up, Kinny!"
"Make me," Kenny smirks, pointing to his mouth.
Kyle snorts another laugh as Cartman turns red. He shoves past them before stormingoff out of the locker room, Kyle and Kenny laughing as he goes.
They're still laughing when the door opens again.
Their gym teacher does not look happy. Cartman, behind him, does.
"Kenny McCormick. Kyle Broflovski. Detention."
Kenny groans as Kyle splutters, "What? Why?!"
Their teacher levels him a look, "For not letting Eric leave the locker room."
"We didn't not let him leave!" Kyle denies, "He got distracted!"
"Even so. You both are still more than five minutes late and Eric at least gave a plausible explanation. I don't care who's lying, you two have detention. After school, today."
Kyle groans and Cartman's smile looks like it'll break his face. Kyle wants to break it first.
"C'mon."
As soon as the teacher's too far ahead to hear, Kyle whispers to Cartman who'd fallen into step with them, "I'm gonna-"
"Teacher!" Cartman interrupts.
Kyle wants to bash his fucking head in as the teacher turns around, "Would you like lunch detention tomorrow as well?"
"No," Kyle yields.
The rest of the walk is silent.
The three head over to where Stan is warming up with Wendy.
"Cartman got us detention." Kyle reports.
"Dude..." Stan's eyes flit between the three of them, "Were you guys...?"
Kyle tilts his head, confused. The others have no such problems understanding. Kyle hates being the clueless one.
Kenny starts laughing, genuinely falling to the ground. Wendy laughs too, more polite in that she tries to muffle it with her hand.
Cartman tries to scream another round of obscenities except his voice crackshard on his first syllable, "Wha-"
Kenny pounds his fists against the ground as he wheezes out laughs until he chokes and-
Kyle's head hurts.
Wendy and Stan are still laughing, have been for a while. Stan at the voice crack and Wendy at it too as well as Stan's question.
Kyle still doesn't get it. He's confused and he's annoyed that Kenny just fucking dipped right after class started.
"No!" Get your goddamn mind out of the gutter, Stan!" Cartman recovers, beet-faced.
And oh, "Dude! No!" Kyle's voice also cracks.
"Oh. Sorry." Stan is genuinely apologetic but c'mon.
"Why would you even-?" Kyle asks exasperatedly.
"Just...the way you guys were talking to each other. And then you asked me to leave. So I just figured..." Stan explains, sheepishly.
"Oh." Kyle's face colors red because the assumption makes sense in its context, "No, dude. Never. Okay?"
"Okay."
Cartman gags, "Fags."
"Eric Cartman." Wendy full-names.
Cartman's expression goes angry then meek then angry again. It's fun to watch.
"Wendy Testaburger." Cartman acknowledges.
They don't look at each other, both turning away silently.
"...Sooo what was the deal with Butters?" Kyle asks as the four of them walk.
"Oh!" Wendy exclaims, "He was just being so arrogant about beating me out onone test and started going on about men being better because women can never measure up. I knocked that attitude right out of him, that's for sure."
"Oh, huh. Yeah. He does fall for those kinds of prejudices pretty easily." Kyle responds.
"He does, doesn't he..." Wendy pauses, "Should I try to help him learn to be less gullible? Would that be weird?"
"Nah, you should go for it! Right, Stan?" Kyle elbows him.
"Huh?" Stan does not take the cue.
Wendy doesn't sigh at him like Kyle would because she's a patient badass, "We were just talking about how Butters is pretty gullible and it'd be nice to help him learn not to be."
"Oh. Yeah! It definitely would. Are we doing that?" Stan asks.
"I'd like to. I was wondering if you'd like to. It seems like you would too?"
"I would." Stan confirms.
"Great!" Wendy grabs his hand and slows the group down to where Cartman had dropped back to walk with Butters a few yards behind them. Wendy looks at Cartman, then a darting glance from Kyle to Butters, and calls out, "Switch!"
Kyle blinks and now it's just him and Cartman. Wendy pulls Butters ahead with her and Stan.
"Fuck." The two cuss in chorus.
It turns into Cartman and Kyle walking together slowly and silently. Because walking alone is pathetic.
There's a conversation begging to be had but that's never been something that the two of them did. And this sure as shit was not the time they were going to start.
The whistle is blown to end warm-ups and the rest of PE progresses without fanfare. Butters, Stan, and Wendy seem to be having a good time together at least.
Kyle goes to detention. Kenny doesn't show. Detention ends, Kyle goes home, does his homework, jacks off to the thought of beating Cartman while Kenny watches, and sleeps early.