The Mandrill—once a D-list supervillain, now a self-proclaimed "alpha male" influencer, rebranded as a 'manosphere' content creator making content from an old warehouse—after being released from The Raft.
The warehouse smelled like stale protein powder, sweat, and the faint metallic tang of steroids he'd been injecting. It was probably a bit scammy and definitely scummy, but seemingly legit.
His latest video title flashed on-screen:
"WOKE CULTURE IS DESTROYING MEN"
The camera framed his newly acquired physique—270 pounds of steroid-fueled muscle. The Mandrill flexed his thick arms as his bright blue and red, with hints of pink and yellow, bubble butt sat on the edge of his gaming chair.
"The woke mob doesn't want you to know this, but testosterone levels are at an all-time low because of fluoride-infused government water! " He gestured dramatically to a whiteboard covered in scribbled conspiracy theories. "That's why you need Mandrill Might Pills—100% organic, definitely FDA-approved—"
His chat was exploding: "MANDRILL YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THIS" " SPIDER-MAN WOULD GET FOLDED BY YOU FR" "BASED" "MANDRILL SPITTIN'"
He smirked. Life after The Raft wasn't so bad. Sure, he'd traded world domination for grifting incels, but at least he got to keep his gains.
"We need to talk," Black Cat whispered, crouched beside Spider-Man.
"Felicia, not now," Peter hissed, eyes locked on The Mandrill. "We're in the middle of a mission."
"Oh, so now you're focused?" She shot back. "Where was this focus when you forgot our anniversary?"
"I was fighting Rhino!"
"Rhino was last week! Our anniversary was two days ago!"
"I—wait, was it? I thought—"
Below them, The Mandrill had moved on to ranting about "beta cucks" and " the feminization of America."
Black Cat sighed, "Peter, you're a mess. You've got the memory of a goldfish."
Peter sputtered, "Hey, I do my best! Crime doesn't have office hours."
"Right," Black Cat said, rolling her eyes. "Because every good hero knows that fighting crime is the perfect excuse for forgetting significant dates."
Spider-Man landed in a crouch, Black Cat rolling gracefully beside him.
The Mandrill jumped up and spun around, his bubble butt nearly knocking over a stack of 'Male Vitality' bottles.
"S-Spider-Man! W-What are you doing here?" The Mandrill stammered, his voice cracking. His yellow eyes darted between Spider-Man and Black Cat, his bravado from the livestream completely vanished.
Spider-Man crossed his arms, smirking a little under his mask. "I've come to take down your little incel empire, Mandrill."
Beside him, Black Cat smirked at the villain's obvious fear, trying to suppress her amusement. "Nice shorts."
The Mandrill lunged—muscles bulging, fists swinging—
Spider-Man's fist connected with a single punch to The Mandrill's stomach. The Mandrill's yellow eyes instantly went wide and crossed-eyed as spittle flew from his gaping snout. The brute's feet lifted clean off the ground, as he hung on Spider-Man's fist for a moment. His knees wobbled and felt like jelly.
As The Mandrill stumbled back, clutching his stomach, Spider-Man immediately turned his attention to Black Cat, pulling her into his arms. His voice was gentle and concerned. "Are you alright, Felicia?"
The Mandrill heard a sickening gurgle, like the sound of violently expired protein shakes.
The livestream chat was exploding—"IS THIS SCRIPTED?" "MANDRILL GET UP!" "MANDRILL FIGHT BACK!" "SPIDER-MAN?"—as the camera caught every pathetic twitch of the villain's face.
"Ggrrgl ...Uh... uhg... this... is... all part of the show," The Mandrill reassured his audience as he was gurgling his own saliva.
Black Cat rolled her eyes, trying to ignore The Mandrill's pathetic attempts at saving face "Oh, is it now?"
Spider-Man didn't even bother to look back at The Mandrill. He was still focused on comforting Black Cat. His hand went to her waist as he pulled her close, their bodies pressed together.
"Ignore him, Felicia. You know he's all talk."
The Mandrill charged, his bubble butt jiggling absurdly in his snug blue trunks.
Spider-Man landed several more hits across his body. The Mandrill couldn't even lift his arms to defend himself, as his arms dangled by his side, all his muscles were show muscles.
The big brute was spewing drool everywhere with his tongue out, his blue trunks started to sag too, the dizziness was making his eyes swirl, and he was wobbling back and forth on his heels, looking like he was punch drunk.
The swirly eyed loser of a brute realized in the back of his mind that all of this was still being livestreamed. The Mandrill staggered up, swaying like a drunkard. "You… you won't ignore me…"
Spider-Man smirked as he watched the big brute wobble on his feet, drool all over himself, and his blue trunks hang way off to the side. He quickly realized the stream was still going and smirked even more. He leaned a bit closer toward him and spoke so that the viewers could clearly hear him.
"So, I see all those strength supplements you're selling don't work on you. They seem to be making you weaker."
Another punch sent The Mandrill spiraling into a giant stacked display of "MANDRILL MIGHT" strength supplements. His eyes rolling, tongue lolling out as he faceplanted into the pyramid of bottles. The bottles rained down as he lay there, groaning, toes twitching. The Mandrill groaned, shaking off the dizziness. His trunks sagged slightly, his bubble butt now fully on display.
The chat spammed: "L"
Spider-Man's eyes widened under his mask as The Mandrill's trunks slid down lower, exposing his bubble butt to the live stream.
Black Cat started chuckling when she noticed the chat's reaction, her hand covering her mouth. She couldn't contain her amusement at the villain's very public humiliation.
He laid there, his body shaking and quivering. His broad chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, his yellow eyes were glazed, and it was the first time he's felt so… humiliated. As he lay there, he could hear the chat still exploding in the background. The Mandrill pushed himself up, shaking off the dizziness. His eyes swirled. His tongue lolled. The Mandrill roared and charged—only for Spider-Man to absentmindedly sidestep, causing the brute to faceplant into a stack of dumbbells, one of the weights crashing down on his head.
Black Cat watched the brutal beatdown with half-hidden amusement. It was rare to see The Mandrill like this, and even she had to admit Spider-Man was doing a good job.
Spider-Man, however, seemed to be enjoying himself even more. He landed another clean hit to The Mandrill's midsection, forcing the villain to double over. Spider-Man smirked underneath his mask. "You know, Felicia, I think I'm just warming up."
Spider-Man grabbed the big brute by the chin and looked him straight in the eye.
The Mandrill's fur was sweaty, he had a glazed over eyes, and he was wearing a big dopey smile from being punch drunk.
Spider-Man leaned in, his grip tightening on The Mandrill's chin. He looked him dead in the eyes, and in a low, almost mocking voice, said, "You're pathetic. Selling snake oil supplements to insecure wannabes, pretending to be some sort of alpha male when you can't even stand up straight without falling over."
Black Cat watched from the sideline, trying hard not to laugh but enjoying every moment of it.
Spider-Man gave him a mocking smile and delivered a sharp uppercut to his chin—knocking him flat on his back. The livestream chat was going wild, cheering on Spider-Man and laughing at The Mandrill's demise.
The Mandrill was completely sprawled out and buried under a giant pile of ED supplements, his pupils had turned to huge anime-style spirals.
As The Mandrill lay defeated on the ground, Spider-Man turned his attention back to Black Cat. He quickly realized what he just did and couldn't help but smirk underneath his mask.
Black Cat stepped closer to him, a sly smile on her face. Her eyes raked over him and his muscular form, taking in the power he'd just displayed. "Well, I must say, I'm quite enjoying this… display of strength."
Spider-Man chuckled, his ego inflated. "You like seeing me dominate a big, powerful villain, don't you?"
Spider-Man felt excitement and satisfaction at humiliating the big brute. His Spider-Sense flared with a sharp tingle.
He lunged.
"Not now."
Spider-Man delivered a no-look punch.
THWACK
The Mandrill's eyes rolled. He wobbled, knees buckling. He pirouetted clumsily before collapsing ass-first into a conveniently placed chair in the corner. The angle was spectacularly unfortunate: legs splayed wide, the tiny bulge from his steroid use on full display, tongue lolling out, and he was facing the bed where Spider-Man and Black Cat were now passionately making out. The livestream, still running, captured it all—The Mandrill's glassy-eyed stare and punch-drunk dopey smile as he watched the couple's passionate reunion.
Black Cat was clearly enjoying their embrace, her arms wrapped around Spider-Man's neck as their lips met. They were lost in the moment, completely oblivious to the big brute sprawled out in the chair nearby.
The Mandrill watched the couple, his yellow glassy-eyes fixed on their intimate moment. He couldn't believe what he was seeing, and yet he was powerless to do anything about it. The livestream chat was going wild, spamming "RIP BOZO" and "CUCKED"