9

Sam came prepared, he took out iron, silver and holy water, and restrained himself to give Dean only a secret hug and only after he had checked his identity and made sure he really was Dean. They were still at the police station so no one must found out about their over-intimacy, just in case someone might decide to dig into their connection on a whim, in that case it would be too easy to find out their close resemblance to the Winchester brothers who were supposed to be dead a long time ago.

In the past five years Sam Wesson had been a great success due to his sophisticated manners and outstanding abilities, the last thing Dean wanted was to become the reason Sam's cover was finally blown.

Sam got the CCTV footage outside the jewelry store and stated that Dean was just a skilled passersby who acted bravely for justice, and if the police insisted on prosecuting Dean he would be willing to represent Dean and plead not guilty. After negotiation Dean was asked to be put under surveillance for trespassing private territory, which means he needed to wear an anklet and live under the supervision of a guardian for the next three months. Sam volunteered to act as his guardian at once, his request was granted instantly because he was well-connected and the police had absolute trust in him.

Sam handed Dean his car key: "You wanna drive?"

"You bet." Dean lowered his head to give the Impala a loud kiss: "My baby, missed me?"

Sam shook his head and got into the passenger seat with a smile.

"For the next three months you'll be staying in my apartment, you're on a three-mile radius and any activity outside that range will have to go through the police first. Got it?"

"Yes sir." Dean started his car, "So now we go right to your home?" he suddenly remembered, "but I thought you're getting engaged today."

"So you know where I live." Sam wasn't surprised at all. Dean showing up in New York, Dean resolving that crisis outside the jewelry store for him, heaven knows how close he had been to him all along. He was watching out for his little brother all the time. Sam found it hard to let that knowledge sank it, he had felt there was an ice dagger stabbed into his heart but at this moment he found that that dagger was melting away, blood was pouring out along with icy water, he didn't know if it had worsened or lessened his pain. His mind ticked away dully and he couldn't dare to analyse his own wound.

Dean said: "Of course, I won't let anything to happen to my Sammy. I'll protect you, you know." He even blinked cheerily.

Sam went silent. Dean had to turn on the music, he applauded as a familiar tune came out loud: "You've finally learned the way to appreciate music." Then his smile became fixed because he knew Sam didn't like this at all. It was his mourning.

Sam asked: "Where have you been?"

"For the first two years, purgatory. Then I got out, found you were in New York, doing fine, so I said to myself, hey, Sammy finally realized his dream of making himself a home sweet home, am I gonna go and drag him into this pool of muddy water?" He was talking about their family business. Dean turned to look at Sam: "I tell myself, no, I'm not making the same mistake twice. I should let you let on with your good life, you deserve it all. These, decent job, expensive suits, disgusting cologne, they ain't things that would just come to anyone, you've won it with that smart little brain of yours and I should be applauding for you off-stage."

Dean said: "I'm proud of you, Sammy."

Sam sniffed.

"Jesus, you crying, Sammy? Cuz your monstrous big brother finally said something nice about you? I'm sorry I don't have any candy on me, I'll get you some when we get off."

Dean tried to tease him by speaking in a clownish and bizarre way. It didn't work. Sam looked at him: "Mistake? What do you mean when you say you won't make the same mistake twice? You mean it was a mistake dragging me off from Stanford?"

"You know it's the beginning of everything. Perhaps it'd be better off if I just hit the road myself in the first place, you'd be able to avoid a lot of suffer. That's what I think, Sammy, you don't have to take on all those that followed." Dean said, "All your pains, the apple-pie life you never get to live, these were my faults, so damn it of course I'm not gonna disturb you."

Sam repeated: "Disturb me."

"Yes, disturb." After a while Dean continued: "God, Sam, I don't know what's bothering you. You were a successful lawyer at that time, had a suite in downtown New York and a girl soft and sweet as honey cake, and you expect me to jump out like that and bump into your life and say hi lets go and defeat darkness—when we know fully well that's impossible, after spending years in our lives trying to save the world and only realizing it can never be saved completely. You know it's just gonna be endless pain and danger, you'll die, Sammy."

Sam protested: "It's you who died."

"And you let me remained dead just like that." Dean said. Out of the corner of his eye Dean saw that Sam had tensed in his seat, he went on: "I'm glad. Really, I'm so glad you didn't let me stand in your way again, you've made a good life and that's what matters to me. I'm dead, yeah, you wasn't to know where to look for me. So you didn't look... did you look, Sammy?" He regretted it the moment that last sentence came out. Why bother.

Sam said quietly: "I couldn't find you." the discouragement, the panic, the shame to admit, "I didn't stick to it, I soon gave up."

"Which means," Dean didn't know what kind of answer he was hoping to get, "which means, Sammy, that we both did a good job in the past."

"What about now? I mean, three months later."

"We could be a pair of secret brothers, you the imposing lawyer and me the dashing hunter, we can send each other presents at Christmas. Oh, I'll also watch your kids for you when you and Amelia are out travelling, I'm great with kids, look at the magic I did with you."

This was just getting ridiculous. Sam ignored this scary theme on parenting: "Where do you live now, aren't you going to pack your stuff?"

The stale mouldy smell of his little room flashed through Dean's mind, his scattering clothes and firearms and bandages, they were just plain desperate staring in him the face. Dean said: "No. You should let me get in on that life of yours, give me a couple of days to live the life of riches." He made an eager and greedy expression, god, he just had this desperate craving when he looked at his little brother.

Hug Sammy, hold Sammy tight, hug his little brother tight, let him sleep in the arms of his big brother, let him sleep peacefully, let him wake up.

Dean looked at Sammy and told these with his eyes. This was his dream.