Sister Stuff (2)

The next day, when Joyce drove her daughters to drop them off at their respective schools, Dawn was still a little shocked. Being suddenly sent back six years and transplanted into her child's body was not an easy thing to accept. She had barely slept, but her nightly musings had allowed her to form a vague idea of her situation.

Dawn had been around Anya: she was not unaware of the existence of vengeance demons. She knew, in principle, what their powers were and how they operated. She guessed that the school counselor had been a vengeance demon, and that what had happened to her was the result of the wish she had made. In fact, the consequences could have been worse: Dawn trembled with retrospective fear at the thought that she had come close to making a cruel wish, which could have made things worse for Buffy and their friends. She promised herself that she would carefully avoid using the verb "wish" in the future.

Luckily, her wish had had a positive effect. Dawn had returned to her past—in fact, the fictional past she hadn't really experienced, but whose memory the monks had constructed—before the calamity had befallen the Summers family. Finding her mother alive had been an immense joy. Dawn was firmly resolved to do everything in her power to prevent Joyce from dying again, and to ensure Buffy never had to jump from the tower. She wasn't quite sure how to go about it, though. How to stop someone from dying of a brain tumor? And what to do about Gloria? She would have to find a way. Fortunately, she had some time. If events played out as they had in her version, she had five years to change the course of events.

In the meantime, she vowed to support Buffy as best she could. Dawn knew her older sister had been through some painful ordeals in her first four years in Sunnydale. She hoped she could spare her from suffering as much this time. Seeing a sixteen-year-old Buffy again, her eyes still full of life, made her want to protect the spark in her sister's eyes. Never let her become the blank-eyed wreck Buffy had been—in what was now Dawn's other life—after her death and resurrection.

Even if, again, she had no idea how to do it.

What upset her most was that Buffy seemed to resent her, ignored her, and spoke to her only with visible reluctance. Dawn was no fool. She knew that the memories created by the monks included many of the fights between her and her sister. She didn't remember every single one of them, but she supposed that the wish had sent her back in time right after one of those fights. It must have been a particularly fierce fight for Buffy to hold such a grudge against her. It was frustrating: after knowing the affection and closeness that had existed between them when their mother had fallen ill, then when Buffy had had to take on the role of parent, and most of all after seeing her sister give her life to save hers, Dawn desperately wanted to build a healthier relationship between them. But she was beginning to realize that she would have to earn it.

It was her turn to fight for the people she loved.

As she dropped Buffy off at Sunnydale High, Joyce gave her some encouragement and advice. Her worry was visible, and understandable after the disaster at Hemery High in Los Angeles. Buffy reassured her as best she could. Dawn wished her a good day, but her big sister ignored her, which caused a small pang in her heart. Dawn wondered what Buffy would have to face on her first day at high school. The high school that was built on the Hellmouth. She would certainly meet Mr. Giles. No doubt Xander and Willow too. But would she already have to face a demon or some other supernatural threat?

Dawn didn't know. During her first year at Sunnydale, Buffy had done her best to hide her burden as a Slayer from her family, and had not revealed anything to her sister about her struggles. Dawn had no idea what adversaries Buffy had had to face that year. She sighed: not knowing anything specific, she might not be able to be of much help. But Buffy had gotten through it the first time: maybe it was better not to change anything this first year, so as not to risk making things worse. And to be content to show Buffy her moral support.

Besides, Dawn had her own battle to fight: her school was waiting for her.

When her mother dropped her off in front of her new school, which was also her old school, Dawn felt strangely troubled. She had imagined that reliving her childhood years would be easy, with her experience and her maturity as a teenager. To her great surprise, she felt as intimidated and embarrassed as when she first arrived in Sunnydale.

This feeling did not leave her all day. She was awkward, clumsy, shy, both anxious to fit in and fearful when approaching others, and her memories of situations already experienced were of no help to her. She deflated when it was time to talk to Janice, her future best friend, and blushed like a peony, with confusion and shame, hearing two other girls who seemed to laugh and make fun of her in a low voice. She had to stop herself from going to hide in the bathroom to cry. Mr. Stoker, the stern-looking teacher who had frightened her when she was little, still frightened her just as much. And when a boy bumped into her in the playground, she was seized with an irrational anger that surprised her. Generally speaking, all the emotions she felt were sharp and intense.

At the end of the day, she was forced to face the facts: she really had become a little girl again, physically and psychologically. She kept the memory of her previous life, but nothing more.

That wasn't going to make her plans any easier.

That evening, back home, Dawn did her homework carefully. At least she could do that. Then she felt sad. Buffy still didn't want to have anything to do with her, and she didn't understand why.

Joyce, seeing her youngest daughter sitting in the living room, idle and sullen, went to sit down next to her and took her tenderly in her arms.

«Well, why does my little punkin' belly look so worried?»

Dawn couldn't help but smile at her childhood nickname. In other circumstances, it might have embarrassed or irritated her, but after having suffered horribly from Joyce's death in her other life, she received with happiness and gratitude all the marks of affection from her newfound mother. She didn't even think to protest when Joyce pulled her onto her lap: one of the advantages of her rejuvenation was that she could allow herself to be babied, and she intended to take full advantage of it.

«Mom, she asked in a small voice, do you know why Buffy is angry with me?»

Joyce sighed, then answered hesitantly,

«Dawn, honey... I don't want to blame you... I know you've been through a really hard time because... of your father and I breaking up... Leaving Los Angeles wasn't easy either... I would have given anything to protect you from all that... But you have to put yourself in your sister's shoes. She's been through it too, and what happened to our family wasn't her fault... It may not be right for me to interfere in a sisterly quarrel, but what you said to her... You went too far, Dawn. I didn't hear everything, but I know you used some very harsh words. You can't expect her to just instantly forget about it after that.

– Very harsh words? Dawn asked with a pang in her heart.

– After… after the fire at Hemery High… You told her she was crazy, that you hated her… That it was her fault your father had left… That she would have been better off staying in the clinic forever, going over her vampire stories… Your sister loves you very much, Dawn, even if she doesn't always show it… But you really hurt her.»

Dawn bit her lip. Half-buried memories, more or less repressed, were now flooding her mind. Everything her mother had just told her was true. Her wish had sent her back right after the worst fight she had ever had with Buffy.