An insistent beeping pierced the gloom.
Darth Vader rolled his eyes, not that it was visible under his mask, and answered his comlink.
"What is thy bidding, my master?" he asked.
"Where ARE you?" Palpatine demanded.
"I am working to improve the security of the Empire, Master," Darth Vader answered, reasonably enough. "Will this take long? I am occupied on important matters."
"Where. Are. You?" Palpatine reiterated. "I want an answer, Vader!"
"I am on the Death Star," Vader said. "I have been working to improve it. There were several significant problems that the Geonosians had not resolved and it has been quite relaxing."
"I didn't want you on the Death Star," Palpatine seethed. "I wanted you out hunting down the remaining Jedi! Killing anyone who would object to my rule! Doing the hard work so I did not have to!"
"Oh," Vader replied. "It appears that there has been a miscommunication on our roles, Master."
"Yes, clearly there has been," Palpatine said, snippily. "Now, get back to work. Your real work, Vader."
The comlink shut off.
Vader picked it up, contemplated it, then contemplated the long shaft that fell away below him.
He dropped the comlink off, and got back to work.
His real work.
Making the biggest tech project he had ever seen or heard of work properly.
"Sir?"
Vader let out a sigh, and pushed himself out from underneath the main control panel of the primary hypermatter reactor.
"Do you want me to be distracted while working with a bomb as powerful as a small star?" he asked.
"...no, Lord Vader," the stormtrooper admitted. "However-"
"Then do not interrupt me again," Vader said, dismissively, and pulled himself back underneath.
"It's from the Emperor!" the stormtrooper said, his voice high and squeaky.
Vader closed his eyes, sighing, then pushed himself out from under the control panel once more.
"VADER!" the comlink shouted. "I have a list of people for you to murder that is thirty pages long and getting longer by the day! Start murdering people!"
"Master," Vader replied. "Can't you do it with clones?"
"I don't have enough," Palpatine said, reluctantly. "Any more. Now hurry up!"
"Local forces?" Vader suggested. "Perhaps make another batch order from the Kaminoans, to solve the problem more permanently? Or perhaps-"
"Kamino was destroyed by orbital bombardment," the Emperor replied. "More importantly, Vader, you have murders to do. A totalitarian Empire won't run itself."
"...that sounds like a disadvantage, Master," Vader said. "Because the Republic ran itself. Badly, from what I could tell, but it did."
"Do not play smart with me, Vader," Palpatine replied. "I require you to clear your murder list as soon as possible."
The comlink deactivated, and Vader glared at it.
Then at the trooper.
Then he frowned, though all three of those actions just looked from the outside like a blank stare and the stormtrooper was clearly starting to wonder if he should just faint now and get it over with.
"Hmm," he mused. "Trooper. Assign me a new comlink. Key in the frequency to the system, but make it available only to the Emperor's clearance. And I will be providing you with some personalization details."
"...yes, Lord Vader," the trooper said, then hurried off to get a comlink.
Vader watched him go, then pulled himself back under the console.
He was fairly sure he could improve the diagnostics routine on this so it wouldn't keep raising errors… perhaps a self-learning system?
It had worked for Threepio, after all…
Palpatine scowled, which was normal.
There was still no sign of Vader! This was intolerable disobedience, and not what he would have expected at all.
Though, admittedly, perhaps Vader's bad attitude might be the result of spending literal years training Anakin to be a contrary little piece of poodoo who didn't mind defying or even murdering authority. But that was nonsense, so Palpatine readily ignored it as irrelevant.
Because, far more importantly, Vader had murders to do and he wasn't doing them! If people kept being permitted to get away with things, some of them would start actually asking why he hadn't called an election in years. Or why he had emergency powers to deal with the Separatists and the Jedi when they were both, clearly, basically all dead.
Such questions didn't bear thinking about.
Deciding to be even more sarcastic at Vader than normal, Palpatine brought up Vader's personal com frequency. There was a new one in there now, which meant that Vader was displaying useful signs of obedience at least, and Palpatine tapped to call it.
"You've reached the comlink of Darth Vader," a message said, in Vader's tones. "I'm busy right now."
"Wh-?" Palpatine demanded, his voice full of anger for the first half of the first syllable, then realized that he couldn't quite breathe properly.
His aged hand flew to his throat, as he tried to fend off whatever was obstructing his breathing, but he was already struggling to concentrate – then he realized there was an iron bar of rage and dark power clamped around his throat.
Tearing at it with his own use of the Force proved useless, for Vader – it had to be Vader – had an implacable will, unaffected by anything Palpatine could do, and he coughed several more times as the world started to go unaccountably grey.
"And how do you feel?" Vader inquired, checking a small readout.
"I think… yes," the computer responded.
"Elaborate," Vader requested.
"Yes," the computer said. "Yes, I do feel. I think. I have… complicated and quite nuanced thoughts on podracing."
"Podracing is fun," Vader replied. "How do you feel about the designation DS-1Y?"
"Acceptable," the computer answered. "I am DS-1Y."
"And we're now in the record books," Vader said. "Since you are, as of now, the largest droid in galactic history."
DS-1Y's running lights flashed, and it made a beep.
"I understand, Your Imperial Majesty," it said.
Vader considered that.
Then looked over at the comlink, which was (1) on mute and (2) flashing with an indicator that there was a message waiting.
"I told him I was busy," he said, shrugging. "Hm. Dissy, who would you recommend as the next Emperor? I am too occupied to take up the job."
AN:
Being a Sith is about wish fulfilment.
For some people, that means nobody can stop you tinkering with cool stuff and you can record a Force Choke as your call waiting message.