Disclaimer: I own nothing regarding GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.
Chapter Five
Rhett saw Belle standing behind the bar. He truly looked at Belle. Her hair was a dyed red and she had more wrinkles than an old shirt stuffed in a drawer. It looked like she had put on a few pounds over the years. He looked into her blue eyes and thought, 'I suppose they once were pretty, but now there is no emotion in them. Of course not! She has seen the dregs of society and lived to tell about it.' He looked her over once or twice. He then thought, 'She looks like yesterday's garbage. How can Scarlett be jealous of her? The only way would be if Scarlett had feelings for me.' He liked that thought. It made him smile.
Belle said, "Hello, Stranger." She stuck out her hand. Normally Rhett would kiss her hand, but instead he ignored her hand and said, "Let me have a whiskey. I can't stay extremely long. The children are waiting for me."
"How is your wife? I heard she had a horrible accident."
"Yes, she did. She slipped and fell down the stairs. She is in serious condition."
"I hope she gets well soon."
"Me too, but I am afraid it will be a while before she is well again."
"How was your trip?"
"Fine. Bonnie and I went to New Orleans where I conducted some business. We had a great time there. We then went to visit my mother."
"How is your mother?"
"Fine. She is in good health. She adored her granddaughter."
None of that was true. In New Orleans, when Rhett had left Bonnie to conduct business, she had destroyed the hotel room. After this had happened three times, he quit leaving her alone. Although Prissy did what she could to stop the child, there was nothing Prissy could really do since Rhett had never allowed anyone to discipline Bonnie.
Rhett had thought he would get some personal time when they got to Charleston, but he didn't. Rhett's mother, Elizabeth, had never been an on hands mother or it seemed grandmother. She would interact with Bonnie for about thirty minutes a day and never at mealtimes. Rhett had insisted that Bonnie be allowed to eat her meals with them, but Elizabeth ignored the child the entire time. She ignored Bonnie except to give the child a withering look that implied her table manners were deplorable. She would then give Rhett a look that said, 'Do something about this.' His mother's actions had made Rhett realize that Bonnie's table manners were awful. He didn't say anything to the child while they were at his mother's, though. He would finally let Mammy and Scarlett correct the child.
Truth be told, Rhett was almost as happy to see Mammy as he was to see Scarlett because he had finally gotten a break from taking care of his child. He had never known how much work was involved with taking care of a two-year-old until his trip.
Belle brought Rhett back to the conversation by saying, "That is really nice."
"What has been happening here in Atlanta?"
"I will tell you the highlights and go back and fill in the details."
"As you know, Mrs. Wilkes not only did not shun your wife at Mr. Wilkes' surprise party, but she made all those fat cats speak to your wife."
"Yes, I remember that."
"Mrs. Wilkes kicked both India and Archie out of her house that very afternoon. Archie has left town."
"Where is Miss Wilkes staying?"
"With Miss Hamilton. I have heard that Mr. Wilkes is still supporting her."
"What a stupid ass. Someone spreads vicious stories about you around town, you don't continue supporting them. But it is the proper thing to do."
Rhett and Belle laughed. She went on, "The day after you left town, Mrs. Wilkes started taking Mrs. Butler calling with her. I heard that she often said, 'If anyone believes the filthy lies, India and Mrs. Elsing are saying about my husband and my dear sister-in-law then they are dead to me. If anyone welcomes India or Mrs. Elsing into their home, then I will never call on them again."
"How long did that go on?"
"It is still going on. There has only been a pause because of your wife's accident. I heard that Mrs. Elsing is now saying she really didn't get a good look at Mr. Wilkes and Mrs. Butler, and she could have been mistaken. She might have let Miss Wilkes and Archie wrongly influence her."
"Has Mrs. Wilkes softened towards her."
"A little bit, but not a lot."
"Miss Wilkes?"
"She and her allies are standing strong. There are a lot of people who think Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes are just too damn proper. They are glad to hear about some dirt on the couple."
"Whether it is true or not. I wonder how much of this is influence by people hating Scarlett."
"I think it is a case of which emotion is stronger. Their love for Mrs. Wilkes as opposed to their hatred of your wife. It is clear that Mrs. Wilkes is going to carry this issue to her grave."
Rhett thought about how haggard Mr. Wilkes looked and thought, 'All this might be the death of Ashley Wilkes.' Rhett laughed when he thought of the saying: I would just die from shame. He thought, 'It might be true in Ashley's case, because he knows that what Miss Wilkes has been saying is the truth.'
Rhett said, "Give me my profits."
"Just a minute."
When Belle returned, she had sixty-five dollars in her hand. She turned it over to Rhett. He put it in his wallet. He then said, "Tell me what else is going on."
Belle spent the next thirty minutes telling Rhett the doings of Atlanta. Every now and then, he would ask another question about Scarlett and Miss Melly. Rhett tried to be casual, but Belle was not fooled. She knew the only person Rhett Butler was concerned about was his cold-hearted bitch of a wife. At the end of the thirty minutes, he stood up and said, "As I said the children are waiting for me."
"Of course, Rhett. Glad you are back in town. It will be good to see you back at the poker tables."
"Yes, goodbye."
"Yes, goodbye until later tonight."
As Rhett walked out of the establishment, he decided that it would be a while until he returned to a saloon. He was going to start spending time with his family, but most of all, hopefully, Scarlett.
When Rhett got home, he leafed through the diary and got to April fifteenth, the day of Ashley's birthday party. There was nothing written on that day which was not surprising. She had not had time to write in her diary. She was busy having sex with him.
He found the entry for April sixteenth and read it.
April 16th
Where do I start? Yesterday was the worst day of my life! Rhett abandoning me at Rough and Ready and the horrific journey to Tara just to find out that my mother was dead, and my father was crazy doesn't come close. The Yankees stealing all my food or me starving for eighteen months doesn't even come close. All the horrible days I was married to Frank, don't even come close. The last three years of being married to Rhett don't even come close.
Why? Why? Did I go out to the mill to delay Ashley from leaving early? Because I wanted to spend time with him alone. Like I don't spend time with him every day when I am checking the books. Why did I not react when I heard people coming? I know why. I wanted to be comforted just a little bit longer. It has been so long since anyone has provided me with comfort especially not the man I married.
Rhett paused there and thought, 'It seems both of us want and need comfort, but both of us are too proud and hardheaded to show it, much less ask for it. I will have to provide comfort to Scarlett and if she ever offers me comfort, I must humbly accept it.' He went back to reading the diary.
This is all Ashley's fault. If he hadn't been talking about the past in that morose, morbid way he always does, I wouldn't have started crying. It was especially painful because a few minutes earlier he had been behaving like the Ashley from before the war started.
I knew as soon as India saw us, she would spread it all over Atlanta. I should have been the one to tell Rhett instead of hiding in my room. How stupid could I be? Did I really think he wouldn't find out? The man that always knows everything. I should have known Archie would tell Rhett. In fact, I would bet my last dollar that Rhett was the first person Archie told.
Rhett is such a hypocrite for being so mad that I was caught with Ashley's arm around me while he has been knowingly putting his body part in another woman for the last two years. The jerk didn't even give me a chance to explain.
I should have told Rhett myself. I should have run to Rhett and told him everything. At least, I would have gotten to tell him my side of the story first.
I can't believe how mad Rhett was last night or how drunk he got. I cringe away from him telling me that he felt pity for me. Nobody feels pity for Scarlett O'Hara.
I was horrified when he told me that he knew that I drank and how much I drank. I certainly did need that drink at that moment. He was like a stranger to me. He frightened me when he talked about squeezing my head until he crushed it like a walnut. He said he loved me, but I know that was false. If he loved me, he wouldn't have left me after our wonderful night of love making. And he certainly wouldn't have left my bed to go to that old whore's bed. What has she got that I don't have.
Rhett stopped reading for a minute. He said, "Nothing. The only thing Belle has is that she wants me, but I am beginning to believe you want me too. I certainly hope so."
He carried me up the stairs. He stopped on the landing and kissed me in a punishing, yet very enjoyable way. When I tried to speak his mouth was on mine again. Suddenly all I wanted was what he was offering love, passion, excitement and now I know great pleasure. I don't remember getting to my bedroom, but I remember all the wonderful feelings. He touched me in so many wonderful ways. He made me touch him in so many exciting ways. He even put his mouth down there. I was horrified but so incredibly aroused. I didn't even try to make him stop. That was so wonderful. I never wanted him to stop. He made me do that to him also. I can't even write about it here, but it was disgusting yet extremely erotic.
I now know that I will never be able to bully or break Rhett. If I am not careful, he will bully and break me.
Yet, the whole night was amazing. Why had Rhett never behaved like that before? No wonder men are willing to pay money to enjoy all those amazing feelings. Those feelings are incredible. I am so ashamed and embarrassed by how much I enjoyed it. Nonetheless, I would welcome Rhett back in my bed possibility of child or not.
The last sentence made Rhett incredibly happy. He knew now that Scarlett hadn't found it degrading or awful. That made his job of getting back in her bed much easier.
Rhett now knew what he and Scarlett had done sexually so that was good. He was sure a lot more was said, but he would have to make do with what she wrote down. He had told her he loved her, but fortunately she hadn't believed him.
After Rhett read the account of the birthday party, he flipped through the pages while skimming the writing. By the time he had gotten to the beginning of the journal, he knew that Scarlett thought and wrote about him much more than she thought or wrote about Ashley. When she wrote about Ashley it was in an idealize, romantic way. Rhett knew then that Ashley was a romantic fantasy to her. She was just star struck by him.
When Rhett realized that the first entry in the book was for November twenty-fifth. It was clear from the writing that Scarlett had been journaling for a while. He wondered, 'Where did she store the old journals?' Rhett knew. Tara!
Scarlett's journals would be safe there. They would be in her room and her sister would probably have no reason to go into Scarlett's room. Rhett knew the journals were hidden in the room. He also knew she hadn't destroyed them. They would have been something very precious to her. Maybe even sacred.
Rhett would find the rest of the journals then he would know all her thoughts since they first met.
Rhett paused for a minute and wondered if he was crossing the line by reading Scarlett's journals. Was he betraying her trust by reading her journals? Undoubtably. He knew that he was taking advantage of the situation. He was sure Ashley would never do anything so dishonorable, but he didn't care. He was in a battle for his life, and he had to use every advantage that came his way. Every positive stroke of luck that fell into his lap, he had to use.