"…Za "

" …rza "

" …Erza "

" Humm "

"You are really daydreaming today."

Erza finally turned her head towards Lucy, letting her thoughts vanish into a corner of her mind, from where they would resurface soon enough. Lucy was right ; she wasn't really paying attention to the world around her.

"What were you saying ?"

She asked softly, looking at Lucy who was taking a place on a stool next to her.

"I was asking where you had spent your weekend."

"You are too curious."

"Arghh. You are so secretive. You know that everyone has been talking about that ? You and he strangely disappeared at the same time, and no mission was missed."

Her tone was annoying, but it was nothing in comparison to her smile when she dared to ask the question that burned her lips.

"You were together ?"

"Primo I'm not secretive ; I like my privacy. There is a difference and secondo I didn't disappear."

"You are playing with words. Come on, just tell me if you were together or not."

She was about to admit that they had prolonged their trip. Grey had needed calm and a few time away from Magnolia, as for her, she had welcomed the idea to stay a little longer. Thus they had spent two days together finding the balance between support, proximity, and boundaries.

This retreat had been the occasion to discover more about him, about his past and the place he had grown up. Furthermore, she had found peace in the anonymity that this town lost among mountains provided. No one there knew what Titania looked like, so she could have been herself. Free from any expectation.

Then Mirajane appeared before she started to confess everything to Lucy.

"So, what do you want girls ?"

"Nothing, I have to go."

"Wait Erza. I wanted to talk to you about a mission. We could go together. I mean our team."

She reinstalled on the stool ; Lucy seemed doubtful. Erza looked at Mira ; she was agree. Maybe Natsu. She then looked back at Lucy. It was definitely Natsu.

"Tell me more."

"We hadn't taken any mission for now three weeks, and I have my rent to pay."

"So, you need money."

"Yeah. And we are a good team. I thought that we could discuss of our next mission at home, like we did before."

It seemed like years since they had all gathered at her house.

"It's a pretty good idea."

"Then we could meet at your place at 7pm."

She was atonished.

"My place ?"

"Yes. Mine is tiny, and besides, no one has seen where you live now. It will be a chance to have a housewarming party."

She was stunned by Lucy's audacity. It was quite unexpected to see her impose her presence like this. Lucy was the one with the proper sense of decorum, a refined manner, and an innate courtesy, so she was far from forcing anyone's hand.

Erza could have always pointed this out and refused, but she was trying to work on herself to be less strict lately. The distance she always put between herself and others was tiring her. So she decided to agree to host them. Lucy had always done it, and it seemed she really needed a friend to talk to.

"Well, why not ?"

She smiled so cheerfully that Erza couldn't regret her choice. Lucy was relieved ; she knew Erza would not really enjoy this idea of housewarming, but she needed a pretext. Her and Natsu hadn't talked for weeks. She knew if she invited him to her place, he would find an excuse not to come, but he couldn't say no to Erza.

"Can I come ? A housewarming party sounds good."

At this point. Her house would become a second inn before tonight.

"Only you."

Mira smiled, and Erza was already regretting her decision, hoping that she would only bring one plus one.

"Don't worry, I won't spill anything."

"I'm serious Mira."

"I know."

Wendy came minutes later.

" Good morning, everyone."

" Hey, Wendy."

" Anyone has seen Jubia ? She was upset yesterday, and it has been raining heavily since it. "

The girl took a place next to Erza.

"She was preparing a surprise for Grey last time I saw her. It was Friday, " said Lucy.

"I saw her here yesterday. I was elaborating the menu for the week with Elfman and she stayed with us waiting for Grey's comeback. But she was not here anymore when we came back. I guessed Grey had passed while we were at the market".

"Grey was gone ? I thought he was sick."

"No, he called Jubia Friday evening to tell her he had gone and would be absent at least until the next day and finally he only came back Sunday."

"Oh, it's sweet that he let her know ; usually he is secretive when he went."

Mira nodded. Wendy was right, it was thoughtful but unusual : Erza was the one he usually warned when he went on solo missions.

Except for this time, she wasn't stupid ; she must have realized it by now, but Mirajane had been the quickest to notice his avoidance of Christmas and his annual absence around the last week of February.

He had managed to hide it : one year, he would only disappear on that day ; the next, a week ; another year, he would be gone for two days, but there was always a single day when he never came. She'd only realized it two years after she'd started doing the same thing after Lissana's death. She knew he'd been grieving that day, and she assumed it had something to do with his parents.

She'd finally asked him years ago, and he'd confessed less reluctantly than she'd expected, but he'd sworn her to secrecy and never to bring it up again. She knew he'd never let anyone in on the secret, but she'd also noticed that Erza had been absent the past few days.

It was strange, because in reality, most mages came to the guild, even on weekends : people didn't stop to keep asking for help, by magic, just because it was a day off ; so, apart from those with families or obligations, everyone was present at least on Saturdays. Erza was no exception. She had never missed a single day of work.

And yet, for some unknown reason, she had suddenly called her on Saturday morning to tell her she wouldn't be there. She called ; she only called when she wasn't at Magnolia. Even when she was sick, she would stop by Mirajane's room in the morning to tell her she was off. And on top of that, Mira could have sworn she heard Gray's voice on the phone.

"I wonder where he could have been."

Lucy purposely looked at Erza, who glared at her with an authoritative spark. She was crossing the line. Wendy finally caught up to the tension and tried to dissipate it. Erza had said nothing since she arrived.

"Anyways, I will try to pass in her bedroom and see if she is okay."

"Wendy. Are you free tonight ? We wanted to meet up to talk about our next mission."

"And there will be a party !"

Wendy immediately nodded looking at Mirajane. She was right all was getting better.

"Hey".

He hadn't expected it to be her. He'd been surprised at first when someone knocked on his door in the middle of the afternoon. He hardly ever received any visitors,, usually; probably because he spent all his time at the guild, and all it had to do was wait for him there to be able to talk to him. But his surprise had gone up a notch when he saw her; of all the people he'd envisioned while walking the few metres between his kitchen and his front door, she was the one he'd least expected.

"What are you doing here ?"

"Nostalgia."

He frowned; she had succeeded in catching his attention.

"Care to elaborate ?"

"How are you ?"

He smiled. Grey had always hated her habit of always answering one question with another. But he appreciated it. At least sometimes, like today, she was direct and didn't lose time on emphasis.

"You had never come to my house to check if I was fine or not."

"But we used to talk. When you were really upset, you came to me to talk about Lissana when she died."

"It happened only once."

"But you are afraid to lose Lucy, so I came."

"Remember for Liss ; I had needed days before wishing to talk about it."

"So, you need time ?"

"I guess."

"Instead of taking your time before finally coming to talk to me, you should try to fix things. She deserves it, and you too."

"I kissed her."

"So, why do do both of you seem so depressed ?"

He looked at her with annoyance.

"I thought you would give me time."

She smirked but didn't say anything more.

"She asked me,, What does it mean for me?'"

"And what did it mean for you ?"

"I don't know. We were dancing, and Mira just ordered this stupid idea. I saw in her eyes that she wanted it, so I kissed her. I thought it was what I wanted at that time."

"But ?"

"Why should there always be a "but"?"

"Because there is obviously one. There will always be one in love affairs."

"Are you speaking for yourself?"

"Natsu"

"Oh jeez, Erza, you are asking me about my private life, so don't accuse me of doing the same. Grey is my friend too."

"Things are complicated between us."

"Us? So finally he has a chance".

"So finally you admit he is your best friend and that you care for him?"

"I care for both of you; you are my childhood; we had been a trio for years. And to be honest, you still are my best friends. But if you repeat this to him, I will deny everything."

"So this kiss ?"

"I hated it."

She closed her eyes. Poor Lucy.

"What did you say to her?"

"You know me; I hate lies."

"Sometimes they are necessary."

"This is a point on which we will never agree."

"I know."

"I told her it was a mistake. That I preferred we stay friends. That I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

She sneered bitterly.

"You already did."

"You are harsh."

"So you had been."

"Don't criticise me. We are quite similar. I'm just less cruel."

She glared at him. This is why they never have this kind of conversation together.

"And I'm the one who is harsh."

"It was not mean."

"I know, and that's not what I blame you for. You are just telling the truth; that's why I prefer lies."

"You are ambiguous, whereas you know very well what you want. Tell him and stop being so cruel."

"True can be cruel too. She loves you, and you are breaking her heart only because you are scared. If you love the truth so much, face it and stop saying that you prefer to be friends for her own good. You have hated kissing her because you had understood that you love her too. She at least deserved the whole truth".

"I hate having this kind of conversation with you."

"I know, but strangely I don't. I'm glad to have a friend like you; you must be the most honest person I know, Natsu. It's something I really envy about you. Thank you.

"I prefer challenge you with hits rather than words."

"I guess we are agreed on that. Bye, Natsu."

She was going away when he cried to stop her.

"Why did you come in the first place ?"

She turned towards his house; he was bent at the window. Oh yes, the party.

"We meet at my place this evening. And yes, your presence is required."

"Erza! Thank you."

Her head was spinning, and she felt dizzy but happy. She hadn't had a drink in a long time. It was a shame for her, as a member of Fairytail, but she had a very low tolerance for alcohol. She rarely drank, only a glass to celebrate their victory or when she had to attend certain events, but she usually didn't drink more than two or three glasses, spaced an hour apart.

In other words, the third glass of wine in such a short period of time really wasn't wise. She got up to go isolate herself in the bathroom, not without teetering. She closed the door and immediately let her fall against it to sit on the floor. She was tipsy, but it was not so displeasing to lose some control for once.

After a moment she finally stands up and walks to the washbasin. She let the clear water flow and rinse her face. Then she raised her head and smiled at herself in the mirror. She opened a cupboard and took out the micellar water to clean the brown mascara that had run and wiped her face.

She had to concentrate to reapply it without trembling, and she coloured her lips with a quick swipe of gloss. It was light and discreet. She was about to leave when someone knocked at the door.

"Everything is fine?"

She hadn't realised how much time had passed since she left, but apparently enough time for someone to send for her.

She opened the door.

"Yeaah"

He smiled hearing her too-drawling voice.

"Oh, it seems someone is very mellow."

She narrowed her eyes before smiling.

"Not very, but yeah, definitely more than just a little."

They chuckled. Mavis loved seeing her so happy and childish.

"What are you doing here?"

"Lucy had dropped her glass on me."

She looked at his wet t-shirt and looked at him with a compassionate smile.

"Come in. I must have stain remover somewhere."

He did, and she found something to wash the stain, and he dropped off his T-shirt. Come on, Erza, his eyes, his eyes, not these perfectly defined abs.

" Oh Lord "

He coughed, and she raised her eyes. Not sorry at all.

"Do you enjoy the view?"

"Do you want the honest answer or the politically correct one?"

She had articulated all her words with a particular alluring inflection and without stutter. She was less intoxicated than he had thought but obviously enough to forget some of her resistance about them.

She had been particularly careful to get the message across that weekend: they had spent two days together, but nothing had happened. He had carried her to his room when she fell asleep in front of that horrible movie, and he had slept on the couch both nights. And they'd continued to act like friends the rest of the time. Just friends.

"The honest one."

He had come closer; her cheeks flushed without her really noticing it, but she moved closer. There was only inches between them. His breath was heavier, and she stood on tiptoe to reach his ear, slightly murmuring as their jaws brushed. He could smell her perfume tickling his senses.

"Rather."

She looked at him; he could see desire in her eyes, but he wondered if she craved for more too.

"I will kiss you if you don't step back."

" So do it properly this time."

"Are you drunk?"

"Not enough for you to worry about my consent, if it was the question."

"It was."

Finally. He had captured her lips without hesitation as if he needed to kiss her in order to stay alive. She needed some seconds to realise that he finally did it, but she responded and kissed him back immediately. It was more passionate than they had expected. Her legs were shaking, and she was thankful he noticed and tightened his grip around her waist and finally pinned her against a wall for support.

She moaned of surprise, and he took advantage of it. It was a fighting kiss, but she could feel the smile playing on his lips against hers.

She hated herself. She should have stopped it, stopped being that ambiguous, stopped kissing him, but it felt so good. She liked to feel safe in his arms, and she liked the care he had in his eyes when he looked at her. She totally adored being loved by him.

Then they had to stop, lacking air. She was looking for his eyes, out of breath. He stroked her jaw and her chin, one hand resting on her neck while the other lingered on her waist, his thumb rubbing her skin with a circular motion.

"If you're going to say it's a mistake. Please Don't.

His voice was husky and hoarse because of the altered breathing, his eyes full of adoration, and yet his tone was so sharp.

"I like you."

She had caught him off guard and surprised herself as well. Words had passed her lips before she realised it. He looked at her; it was not enough.

"I need a little more Erz."

Her eyes had become inscrutable. She knew exactly what this "little more " meant, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't feel that attraction that hovered over them, thickening the air at the point where it made it barely breathable when they were too close. If she said ignoring that mutual awareness of their presence, wherever they were, causing the inevitable convergence of their gazes, the feeling of deep recognition that echoed within them when their look met.

And yet she fervently continued refusing to acknowledge any significance in this interest they obviously shared in their resemblance : similar souls differentiating by the strategies they chose to understand and protect themselves from the world.

"Just forget what I said."

It was cruel, even for her. Every part of her being was revolted by her cowardice. She was strong and reliable; everyone had always trusted her judgement. Thus, in that moment, she felt like she was betraying her values and those who had trusted her.

It was unfair for him, but it was unbearable for her. She embodied everything she despised most at that moment : pusillanimity and insensitivity.

" You are getting cruel."

She was, because she couldn't take her distance from him properly; she should have moved away even if it meant having to give up the shivers of pleasure that ran down her spine under his touch. She should have at least avoided his gaze instead of allowing herself to be trapped in it, fascinated by the obvious whim with which his eyes claimed her.

"Don't say this right after you kissed me."

"So don't say you prefer us staying friends after you kis…"

She kissed him to silence him. He should have pushed her away or moved back. He should have, but he didn't, because she was Erza, the only woman who he couldn't resist, who he didn't want to try to resist. She was firm. At least he knew what to expect, or better, to not expect.

"...sed me, that's selfish."

He murmured between her lips. He was playing with her, teasing her lips before leaving them for a special spot on her neck. His lips brushed her skin until she reacted, and finally he had found, somewhere near her ear and behind her jaw, a very sensitive area.

"As is your wish to… want more with me when I… don't want to."

She tilted her head to the opposite side, closing her eyes and sighing very lightly as he kept doing his mistreatment. Then he caught the meaning of her words. Suddenly he stepped back. The sword of Damocles had fallen.

"We can't be friends after that, Erz."

"But we used to be. I mean, there's always been tension between us. We've been flirting since we were what? Maybe fifteen. We tease each other, but at the end of the day, you'll always be the person I trust the most, and I will support you because even if I might doubt your tactics, I blindly trust you. We're like that; things have always been that way between us, so why should it be a problem now?"

"Because nothing is like it used to be anymore, Erza. You're lying, to me or to yourself; honestly, I don't know, but pretending that nothing has changed between us is so senseless. Friends don't kiss. Friends don't get jealous when someone is obviously flirting with them."

"But I'm not jealous."

"No, but I am."

He said it with a contrite tone. She needed to put distance between them, so she moved away until she got near to the washbasin and could lean against the countertop. She clenched her fingers around it. Then she sighed lightly and found his eyes again.

"I try to make the right choice."

He snickered. The "right choice", really, and for whom? He was tired of her words; her affected tone disgusted him, but he resisted anger. He rarely lost his temper, and generally he forbade himself from yelling at anyone, especially her. On the other hand, he was less skilled at containing his sarcasm.

"Do you know what is really pitiful in this situation? It's that I didn't ask you anything. I knew it would pressure you and me; by the way, I was just enjoying the moment without waiting for anything you wouldn't give to me. You are the one who precipitated everything with this choice. I could have waited for you."

She strengthened her grip around this countertop. She was not the only one to handle words like weapons; his were as sharp as a blade, not arousing blood but regrets.

"Then our friendship would have been ruined, reduced to a pernicious wait. If you stay by my side just because you're waiting your turn, it's not friendship anymore."

Broken heart. It's an expression that he had always despised. Too emphatic, too dramatic. But now he understood it. Because the incensed relentlessness she used to affirm she hadn't the slightest inclination for him was making his heart fulminate into thousands of pieces, like a glass thrown against a wall. Unless it was an issue of pride, nevertheless something was broken.

She was maybe not responsible for his feelings, but she definitely was for her lies, and he could clearly see she was lying.

"I just want our friendship back, Grey."

"You are not naive, Erza; you can't kiss me and reject me the second after saying you have no feelings for me. I know you.

He was giving her a last chance, putting his pride aside to let her explain herself. One chance to be honest. Please, Er'z.

"I'm sor…".

"No, and if you really had valued our friendship so much, you would have told me the truth."

"That's not true, and you know it, because you made the same choice years ago."

"That's not comparable; the feelings I chose to silence were unrequited."

He held her gaze, but she avoided his, unwilling to face the disapproval lodged in his eyes. She blamed herself enough to shrug off his unspoken reproaches.

She knew this conversation would be unpleasant, but she still struggled to understand when the situation had completely reversed itself and escaped her control.

She had spent hours thinking about their relationship, between dreams and brutal returns to reality; she had hoped and imagined, and she had reached the point where she felt as if she had already lived their relationship. She was mourning what had passed without even having happened, and she wanted him to move on too so they could finally forget and regain their friendship.

It was whimsical and unfair, but after hours of trying to untangle the Gordian knot of her feelings, without success, she needed to set boundaries. She had refused to simply block out her feelings out of consideration for him, but now she had reached the point where she could no longer think clearly, and this flirtation with madness was becoming unbearable.

So, yes, her decision to set clear boundaries was partly selfish since she hoped to find the inner peace she so desperately needed, but she also didn't want him to harbour feelings she couldn't respond to. She was conscious of her emotional unavailability; she needed time, and she didn't want him to lose his.

"I don't understand you. You could have it all, Erza. I was giving you everything without asking for anything."

"I don't expect you to understand."

It was undoubtedly the most honest assertion so far. He could see it in her eyes. It was hurtful.

She had weighed the pros and cons, and she preferred to bury her feelings even if it meant suffering rather than constantly walking on eggshells and suffering from their incessant arguments. It was choosing the easy way out; she was aware of it, but it was also the assurance of finding her best friend again. She could no longer stand being nervous around him and ruining their friendship.

"I'm sorry, Grey."

"Not as I am"

He strongly clenched his jaw, harshly breathing, a tear rolling over his cheek. Her chest tightened painfully. Her breath caught, and she suffocated internally, biting her quivered bottom lip to not sob.

He finally opened the door. Mirajane was standing right behind and looked at them alternately. She hadn't heard a lot of their conversation. The music was loud, and she was a little tipsy. But when she looked at them, she was sure something was off.

"Sorry, Mira."

Grey walked past her without even looking at her, and Erza took the opportunity to take a deep breath before apologising and leaving as well. She had never seen them so devastated; she would have sworn she saw tears in their eyes.