Beating the odds

by LioSky

Something was going on with Mike, and it wasn't anything good. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control. As it turns out Mike is sick, really sick. He is going to need help, and a lot of it.

83. Chapter 83 - Mouth sores part 1

Chapter 83.

Mike heard how Harvey left. He had closed the door behind him. For some reason that was what hurt the most, that Harvey shut him in here.

He didn't know what to do. He knew that Harvey wasn't happy with him. He hadn't said anything that implied that he was angry, but Harvey had other ways to show it. Mike had seen it in the other man's expressions and his actions.

He regretted not telling Harvey sooner, he did, but at the moment he couldn't care about it. His whole face felt a bit numb from the medications he had received at the hospital. He had a headache, felt dizzy and sick. He wondered if he was going to throw up. He really hoped not, that would probably hurt a lot, and he would have to get up. He didn't think he could do that right now; the trip home had really taken it out of him.

He closed his eyes and wished that he could just fall asleep. His head ached and he moved it a little to find a cooler spot on the pillow. The movement caused to world to spin a little, even with his eyes closed. He swallowed and tensed. It was starting to hurt again. Not as bad as before, it was just a discomfort while swallowing, but it was going to get worse, he knew it was. He had to fall asleep before that.

He didn't know what time it was. Was it evening, could he sleep for the night now? He didn't know. He felt himself starting to drift off, it was a relief.

He woke up again from a sound in the room. He blinked a bit but didn't move. His throat was hurting again now. He wanted to go back asleep, he turned on his back to be able to see the room but found it empty. A sandwich on a plate and a cup of tea was placed on the nightstand though, next to his meds. Harvey must have left it there and walked out again. Why hadn't he woken him?

He looked at the sandwich for a while, finding it hard to tear his eyes away from it. He wasn't going to eat it; it wasn't worth the pain. He wished Harvey had brought him something else instead. Maybe some yoghurt, that would have been easier to swallow.

He felt exhausted and uncomfortable. His muscles ached weirdly. He probably had a fever. He turned his head away and closed his eyes again. He wanted to go back to sleep again. He laid there and tried for a while, but it wasn't working. He coughed and then knew that he wasn't going to be able to go to sleep again right now. He found himself laying there, staring up into the ceiling. He was breathing deeply with his mouth opened.

He didn't know how long he just laid there. He had to cough once in a while, and it hurt more each time. He wished that he could take something for it. That had been the only good thing about his hospital visit. Otherwise, it had really sucked. He had lost it again, hadn't been able to control himself and his emotions. It was embarrassing to think of now. To think about how he had just burst out into tears when Harvey had left. Who was he, who did things like that? He could understand that Harvey had kept walking, he had probably been embarrassed to. Maybe that was why he left.

He hadn't gotten an answer as to why Harvey had left, not really. He had said something about a meeting and that Mike needed to do stuff he didn't want to do. But he did stuff he didn't want to do all the time. He didn't want to lay here like this, he didn't want to cry his eyes out in a busy waiting area. He hadn't wanted to stay at the hospital. He had wanted to come home with Harvey. Somehow it had almost caused him to panic at the thought of having to stay there. It was weird, he had done it like a hundred times earlier. But now though, he had almost started to cry again at the thought of it.

Ha had cried a lot today. He again thought back about how Harvey had acted when he returned to the hospital. Mike had wanted to throw himself in Harvey's arms, he had been destroyed. But Harvey hadn't even wanted to hold his hand. It hurt to think about that rejection. He couldn't understand it. Harvey had never done that before. Was Harvey really that mad about that he hadn't told him about that he had sores in his throat. He hadn't known how bad it had been. It had just been a throat ache. So what if he hadn't told Harvey about that? He had been dealing with it. It was just that it got a bit too much today.

It hurt every time he swallowed now. To keep his mouth open, hurt a tiny bit less. He was trying to prolong the time between each time that he was forced to swallow, but it was like when he focused on that he needed to do it more often. He felt miserable, just laying there.

Harvey carefully opened the door a while later. Mike didn't move but heard how the other man came closer and then leaned over him.

"Oh, so you are awake. Why haven't you eaten anything?"

Mike didn't answer him. He didn't want to eat.

"It's pretty late. I was going to check what you wanted for dinner."

Mike still didn't answer or move to look at him. He didn't know if he had the energy to do so anyway.

"You have to take your meds too." Harvey said then, he paused for a moment. "What do you want to eat?" He then asked.

Mike shook his head, still without looking in Harvey's way. He heard the other man sigh, and something broke a little inside him. He was too exhausted and overwhelmed to deal with Harvey's anger or whatever it was. He wished the older man could just get over it. There wasn't anything that Mike could do about it now, what's done is done. What did Harvey want from him?

"Did you hear me? I need an answer Mike, don't just shake your head."

"No." Mike said then.

"Okay, wrong of me." Harvey muttered. "It wasn't a question. You need to eat something and take your meds."

"Not hungry."

"Yeah, I get that, but you need something in you."

Mike ignored him now.

Harvey went on a bit more, but then left the room. He returned a while later. Mike hadn't moved in that time, and nothing had gotten better, rather the opposite. He felt a little out of it now. Time just passed and now Harvey made things worse when he refused to leave him alone. He went on and on about how he needed to eat, needed to take his pill, needed to do this and that. Nothing was new, he had heard it all before, he knew Harvey was right, deep down he knew. But that didn't help him in actually turning around or sitting up as Harvey wanted him to.

"Come on now Mike, just take it. Please." Harvey said again behind him.

Mike should really turn around or say something, but he didn't. Maybe, just maybe Harvey would give up and leave if he just ignored him long enough. He didn't want to put anything in his mouth. He couldn't do it. It would hurt too much. As it was now, just breathing in air hurt, it was like it was too cold for his throat or something, even though it didn't make any sense.

"You know you have to take your meds." Harvey said now. "And we have this new stuff for your throat. We can start with that. It supposed to help."

Harvey pulled at the blanket he had over him. He tried to resist and keep it there, but it just slipped through his fingers. He let out a groan.

"You might as well just get it over with, you know I'm not going to let you skip these."

A pause. Mike shuddered. He felt cold without the blanket.

"I'll raise your bed now."

Mike felt like crying when it started to rise. Why couldn't Harvey just let him be? He didn't want to do this, but he didn't want to argue either. Harvey was right, he wouldn't let him be, that was not who Harvey was. It wasn't fair though; it wasn't an equal fight. Not that this was a fight, and if it had been he would have lost a hundred times over.

"Look, " Harvey said quietly were he was standing next to the bed probably preparing the meds. "I can see that you are feeling like crap right now. And I don't want to force you. But you need to do this. We'll just get it over with and then I'll leave you alone."

Mike swallowed painfully but then nodded a little. Harvey had sounded so kind when he said that. It was such a turn around from earlier and he wanted to please the older man. He could do it; he had been through worse than this.

He turned a little towards Harvey that held out some sort of spray bottle. Mike hesitantly took it and sprayed it into his mouth. It made him cough. He didn't know how this was going to help. It tasted bad too. Harvey then held out the small container with the rest of the pills. It hurt like hell to swallow them, and he groaned out loud. He had only taken half of them and had to do it again. Tears rose in hi eyes and he didn't do anything about it. Harvey wiped his face for him with a tissue. He didn't say anything, but let his hand rest a bit on Mike's shoulder. To take the rest of meds took him a while. It wasn't just to do it; it was a slow and incredibly painful process. Harvey remained next to him the entire time though and that helped. He had been scared that Harvey hated him, but he was being nice, and that felt good.

The older man stayed true to his word and left Mike alone. He laid were he was in some sort of daze. Incredibly the pain in his throat actually got a bit better. He was able to sleep some. He woke up and it felt like no time had passed. It was pretty awful, but he felt a bit out of it. He was pretty sure the night passed like that. Harvey wasn't there and Mike didn't know why.

Sometime early in the morning his throat started to hurt really bad again. It felt like he had swallowed a bunch of needles that were loose in his throat and every time he swallowed, they scratched against the walls of his throat. It was nothing he could do about it though. He cried a little.

Harvey was there again. This time it took even longer for him to take the medication. Then he had to eat something. Harvey went on and on about it, even offered to feed him. He managed to do it himself though. It seemed like something from the medication helped because he did feel a bit better after a while and he managed to eat, by himself.

Time passed. He had been sleeping. He didn't know for how long. It might as well have been just five minutes; he was just as tired and felt just as bad as before. He glanced to the side and saw that he was alone in the room. Where was Harvey? He wanted him here.

He moaned when he had to swallow. He wished he would pass out. He breathed deeply through his mouth, it almost felt like he wasn't getting in enough air. Where was Harvey? It was hard to keep track of his thoughts. He didn't want to be alone. He pulled at the sweater he was wearing. Saliva was gathering in his mouth as he tried to not have to swallow again so soon.

He had been in bed the entire day now, and yesterday was well. He needed to go to the bathroom soon though. He wished that Harvey would help him there. When was he coming?

He needed to swallow. Tears rose in his eyes from the pain. He felt so exhausted. He started to cry. He hadn't planned for that to happen; it just did and now he couldn't stop. He felt pathetic.

"Harvey…" He whispered out into the empty room. He didn't know if the baby monitor was on or not. He hoped it was. He wanted Harvey to come.

"Harvey? Can you come?" He said. He rubbed the blanket over his face and wished he had some paper to wipe his nose with.

Harvey didn't come. Mike kept crying. He turned against the wall and just let it out. He didn't bother to try and quell it. He didn't care. He had to swallow again. He waited too long until it made him cough. That hurt a lot.

A long time had passed when Harvey finally stepped into the room.

"Oh." He said. "Hi there, kid." Harvey sat down behind him and placed a hand lightly on Mike's shoulder. Mike fought the urge to shook Harvey's hand off of him. His skin almost felt sore, and the touch was uncomfortable.

"What can I do to help?" Harvey asked.

"Bathroom." Mike got out. He sounded like a whiny child, but it was nothing he could do about it.

"Okay. I'll help you. It's okay."

Harvey removed the blanket from him and moved away. The bed started to move, and Harvey reached out and helped him to turn on his back. He wasn't prepared for it, and it wasn't a pleasant experience. He felt so embarrassed when he let out a sob.

Harvey helped to move his legs over the edge of the bed, and heaved Mike up to sitting. The world was spinning, and he had to sit there for a long time before he was ready to stand up. Harvey asked him for a third time if he needed help and he nodded now.

Harvey bent down and placed Mike's arm over his shoulder. He counted to three and then stood him, dragging Mike with him. It felt like he was going to tip over and he clang to Harvey. He didn't know why he was so shaky. They slowly made their way to the bathroom. The light in there was too bright and Mike had to squint. Harvey followed him inside and helped him to sit down, then he left for a bit after forcing Mike to tell him that he could remain sitting. He could.

Harvey came back a little while later, and then wanted him to brush his teeth. Maybe it was the toothpaste, but he got a coughing fit that wouldn't end. He coughed and coughed, and it felt like his throat was on fire. Harvey snatched the toothbrush from him and guided his hands down so he could hold on to the sink. Mike spit and coughed down into it. Harvey disappeared somewhere and Mike continued to cough. He felt lightheaded and so dizzy that he had to hold on hard to the sink just to remain standing.

Eventually it stopped and Mike spit again. The spit was red. He couldn't take his eyes off it. It was blood. He just stared at it.

"Shit."

Harvey had appeared again, with a glass of water in his hand. He tried to hand it to Mike, but he felt that he couldn't let of go of the sink and couldn't look away from the blood. He felt panic start to rise in him. Why was he bleeding? All he could think of was that time when he had thrown up blood in bed. What was happening?

Harvey put the glass down, and the turned on the tap, he splashed water over the blood, so that it disappeared.

"It's okay Mike. It's okay." He grabbed on to Mike's arm. "You want some water?"

Mike shook his head, and then noticed that he had tears on his cheeks.

"Let's get you back to bed, huh? We'll take it slow, buddy."

It felt so long, the short walk back to his room. He had started to shake. He didn't know why.

Harvey gently helped him to lay down. He even held a hand below his head as he lowered him down.

"Does it hurt?" He asked.

Mike nodded.

"Let's try that spray, okay? Can you open your mouth?"

Mike shook his head. What if it would make him cough again?

"Yes, please Mike. Let's do that."

He didn't want to. He stared to cry, even though he tried not to. He was just too tired to hold it back. He was scared. There had been blood.

Harvey asked him to open his mouth, but he refused. He jerked a little when he felt how Harvey suddenly placed his hand on his jaw and pushed his mouth open. He tried to squirm away, but it was too late, and Harvey held his jaw in a tight grip and sprayed the medicine down his throat. It did make him cough and for a few minutes he wasn't really aware of anything else but pain in his throat and fear.

When he became somewhat aware again, he noticed that Harvey was sitting beside him and was stoking his chest over and over.

"It's okay. It's okay kid. I'm sorry." He was saying, over and over. Mike turned his head away from him. His face was wet from all sorts of fluids. Hopefully not blood though, he thought he could taste it in his mouth. He couldn't stop thinking about it. It scared him a lot.

He coughed again and winced.

"Sorry." Harvey mumbled next to him. "Sorry I forced you."

"It…it was blood." Mike got out.

"What? Blood? Oh, you mean in the sink? That's what you… Well, kid. I don't think it's anything to worry about. You do have sores in your throat, right? And your doctor said that they might bleed. It wasn't that much blood, Mike."

Harvey didn't sound worried. He still couldn't stop thinking about it though. His heart was beating so hard too. He clumsily pressed on his watch a few times to see his heartbeat. It was up to 105. Pretty high for just laying in bed. He couldn't stop staring at it.

"Nothing to worry about." Harvey leaned forward a bit and layed a hand over his wrist and the watch. "Just take a few deep breaths. Relax."

Mike tried to do what the older man said. He really tried. He didn't know if it worked though. He was scared. He looked at Harvey, he was sitting next to him leaning forward a bit. Harvey smiled when they locked eyes. Mike didn't look away from the other man as he let his hand search on the bed after Harvey's. He found it and gripped it hard, the other man let him and squeezed back.

He closed his eyes as he had to swallow again. Somehow in all his missary it felt good that Harvey was there. It felt like things were good between them again. For a while there had been a sort of tension that they hadn't addressed. He had been aware of it but had just felt too bad to do much about it. Harvey had never said anything either and Mike wasn't even sure if he was just imagining. But but now things felt good again. Harvey was kind to him, supported him.

He needed to do what Harvey wanted. He needed to just relax. If Harvey said that things were alright, he should believe him. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths, and then did it again. Harvey said that he did a good job.

-SUITS-

Harvey carefully let go of Mike's hand. He waited a moment as he studied the kids face, but he showed no signs of waking up again so he carefully stod up and made his way out of the room.

He had been worried about Mike just now. He had probably been close to having a panic attack. He had found him in the bathroom just staring at the sink, not reacting at all when Harvey called his name. And after that he had been stiff with fear. At least he guessed that was what it was. Mike must have thought back on the time when he has been throwing up blood in bed and that had freaked him out. It had been the first thing Harvey had thought about, he that wasn't a pleasant memory at all. However, it wasn't that much blood and he had remembered what the doctor had said about the sores in Mike's mouth, there could be bleeding from them. He thought that he had been able to convince Mike that it was okay. The kid was asleep at least.

He swallowed hard as he thought back about what had just happened. He had had a hard time to get contact with Mike, to get him to take the medication that obviously helped him. Eventually he had done it by force, just held open Mike's mouth and sprayed it into his throat. It had felt brutal, and he hadn't liked it at all. But it had helped. He had a hard time though to stop thinking about it now. He really needed to talk to Mike about it as soon as he woke up and felt better.

If he would though, feel better. The sores in his throat really seemed to affect him a lot. It was like he was a different person compared to him was just a few weeks ago. Mike had almost been like before the cancer then, and now it was almost like he had gone back to how he was during the worst parts. The parts Harvey had thought that they never would return to. The parts he sometimes had nightmares about.

He had been annoyed with Mike about him not telling him about how bad things had been. He had thought that he changes he had seen in the kid had been because of other things. About that Mike had been grieving his friend. That hadn't been the whole reason apparently, maybe some part, but probably mostly his throat.

Mike had changed physically as well. The lack of eating and proper sleep had made him paler and even skinnier. At least that was what he thought. It was very difficult to get Mike to eat something, and he suspected that this kept Mike from sleeping well. It had to be.

Harvey had given Donna a call earlier. At first it had been to complain about Mike's behavior and the fact that he hadn't told him about the throat sores. He just felt the need to get it out, to talk to someone about it. They had had a long conversation and he found that it had helped him a lot.

"You have to see it from his point of view Harvey. Mike has been struggling with this illness for so long now, and maybe he just thought that it wasn't so bad. Maybe he too thought of it as just a throat ache and that it wasn't so bad, that he could deal with it." Donna had said.

"But why wouldn't he tell me about it? How could he keep something like this from me, when I have told him over and over to just tell me everything?"

"I don't know Harvey. But try to forgive him for this. It sounds like he needs you to."

He had thought about that. She was right of course. Just one look at Mike confirmed it. Mike did need him, and after that he had put in an effort to be extra nice to the kid.

Donna had said that she was going to come over tomorrow. He looked forward to that. He wanted help with Mike. Maybe she could convince him to eat some. Maybe he also needed to call in Adam again. Mike shouldn't be left alone like this. He probably could stay by himself, but it didn't feel right. Not when Mike was in pain like he was now. And if he was left alone, he probably wouldn't eat anything.

When Harvey stepped into Mike's bedroom a few hours later he found that the younger man was awake. He was laying on his back just looking up at the ceiling, Harvey could see traces of tears along his cheeks. His heart sank in his chest, Mike looked so miserable. Almost like he had just given up. Why hadn't he called for help?

"Hi there kid." Harvey said quietly.

Mike still jerked a little and turned his head towards the wall. He didn't say anything.

"How are you doing?"

Mike shrugged, but Harvey saw that he was starting to breath faster.

"No…" Mike whispered. He tensed and tried to move further away from Harvey.

"No what? What is it, Mike?"

"I don't want to."

"What is it that you don't want?"

Mike didn't answer him, but it looked like he fought not to cry. Harvey carefully sat down on the edge of his bed and put a hand on his shoulder. Mike jerked a little and let out a sob.

"Hey, what is it? It's okay. You don't have to cry, kid."

"I don't want to eat." Mike said then. "It's going to hurt."

"Oh." Harvey sighed. "I see. Didn't the spray help, though?"

"Yeah, but…"

"I sorry I forced you before. I feel bad about that. I just wanted to help, and you were a little bit out of it."

Mike hummed a little, but he turned his head up at least. Harvey left his hand on Mike's shoulder and for a while he sat there while the younger man slowly relaxed. He felt kind of bad because food had been on his mind. The kid had barely eaten today, and he needed something in him. He must be starving, and his mood was probably a result of that. He didn't look forward to what he needed to do.

Mike had closed his eyes, but the lines of pain on his face told Harvey that he wasn't sleeping. He cleared his throat and Mike looked up at him. He looked scared.

"I know you're hurting, but I do think that you need to eat. You also need to take your meds. You know that."

Mike swallowed and he closed his eyes in pain. "I know, but I… I can't."

"Yes, you can."

Mike shook his head and his eyes started to tear up again. He bit his lip and squirmed a little.

"Look, I know you feel really shitty. But I think you'll feel a bit better with some food in you."

He stood up and left the room. He clenched his teeth when he returned with some food and the med and saw the state Mike was in. He put the tray down and started to raise the bed. Mike was shaking and looked up at him with wet, wide eyes.

"Shit." Harvey whispered to himself and dragged a hand through his hair. He then sat down on the bed again and pulled Mike up and against him. He wrapped his arms around the kid's thin body and held on to him.

"It's going to be okay. I'll help you."

A couple of minutes he sat like that with Mike, slowly rocking them back and forth. He thought it might have helped, because the fear he had seen in Mike's eyes when they let go was gone. He asked if the kid was ready, and actually got a nod.

Harvey had brought a smoothie and a bowl of yoghurt, together with the meds. Mike managed to get the smoothie into him pretty easily, but it was worse with the yoghurt, and he kept saying that he needed a break. Harvey let him but decided that they were going to try the meds next. That didn't work well at all. Mike really struggled and claimed that it hurt too much, and that he would throw up.

"I don't want to do that." He kept saying over and over.

"Fine. I hear you, but just give it another try."

Twenty minutes later Mike still had half the pills left and Harvey's patience was running low.

"Just give them back!" He finally said. He had gotten an idea. He brought the pills to the kitchen and then used a knife to crush them into small pieces, almost like a powder. He then brought what was left of the yoghurt and mixed it all together. He was pretty proud of this idea, but Mike didn't seem to care. Harvey tried his best with not getting too annoyed with him. When Mike finally was done almost one and a half hour had passed and it was a wonder that Harvey had managed to keep his cool the entire time.

-SUITS-

Things sucked.

Mike was miserable. He hated Harvey a little for making him finish the yoghurt, even though he had tried with all he had to not have to do it. At least he had complained some. But he couldn't help but feel anxious about making Harvey mad. He had looked a bit annoyed at times.

He was exhausted, felt sick and his body and throat ached. He constantly felt like he was fighting tears that kept wanting to appear. Sometimes he just got an urge to scream out load. He hadn't done that though.

Harvey had finally left him alone. He had left the room. Mike didn't know if it was evening or not. Was he supposed to sleep? He didn't really know what was going on, and that scared him. Harvey had helped him to spray the medicine down in his throat again. That seemed to help. He wished he could take it more often, but Harvey had said that he couldn't do that.

He slept on and off. He was alone. He felt too warm. His throat burned. He might have cried a little. He was dreaming. Harvey wasn't there. He wondered if he had a fever. It was dark in the room. He felt thirsty.

He needed to go to the bathroom. He stumbled over there and lit every light he came across on his way. He stared at his reflection in the mirror after he had washed his hands. He looked terrible. When he got back to bed, he was just laying there staring at the wall. It felt like hours passed while he tried to go back to sleep.

Harvey arrived later when it was morning, and he had to take medication again. It sucked. Harvey said that he was going to the office today, and Mike didn't want him to. He didn't say anything about it, but it worried him. Somehow it didn't help that much when Harvey said that Donna was coming over.

Harvey said that he should have a change of scenery and helped him over to the couch. He then put a glass with a smoothie in his hands and told him to drink it.

Suddenly Donna was sitting next to him, and he didn't know when that had happened. She also said that Harvey had left. Mike couldn't understand why Harvey hadn't said goodbye to him. He knew he probably focused on the wrong thing when he couldn't let that go. He felt betrayed. He asked Donna about it more than once. He could feel the way she looked at him, saw the worry in her eyes. He knew he wasn't acting like he should, but he couldn't stop it, he couldn't help it.

He felt confused most of the time, he didn't know why. Maybe it was some of the meds he took, or the lack of sleeping, the fact that he barely ate or maybe a mix of all of it. He had such a hard time with sleeping right now. He just laid awake, waiting and wishing to pass out. Sometimes just after he had taken the medication, he was able to fall asleep. It was exhausting to force it down, but it seemed to be the only thing that helped some.

Donna wanted him to take a shower. She said that she would help him, and that he could sit down in there if he wanted to. They still had the shower chair and she brought if out of the closet Harvey had stuffed it in. Mike hadn't agreed to any shower and watched from the couch as she pulled the chair to the bathroom.

"Harvey said you haven't had a shower in days, Mike."

He shook his head at her.

"Look, he is going to be home in an hour or so, and he asked me to get you to do this. What do you say?" She blinked at him. "You do smell a bit you know."

Mike smiled back at her a little.

Harvey was going to come in an hour. That was good. Mike wanted him back. Somehow the thought of the older man not being here now made him want to cry. He blinked several times to stop tears from appearing. What was he doing? He didn't understand why.

Was Harvey going to be mad at him if he hadn't showered before he got home? He didn't want him to be mad at him. What if he would leave again? He needed to know!

"Is he going to be mad?" He asked Donna.

"What do you mean, Mike?" Sha said and sat down on the table next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. She looked worried.

"If I don't?" He whispered. He felt his heart beating hard in his chest. Why was he feeling like this?

"No one is mad at you." Donna said and stroked his cheek. " Come on. I'll help you."

It turned out that Mike didn't need much help, and the shower made him feel a little better, a bit more relaxed and clearer minded. It also made him exhausted, and he managed to fell asleep and slept until Harvey woke him and made him eat a little and take the meds. He had a hard time falling asleep again that evening, and it was a miserable night.

He felt out of it the next morning when Harvey woke him. The older man was bothering him a lot. Refused to let him wait with a few of his morning pills, even though Mike had begged him a little. He felt pathetic thinking about it later, but he was tired, and it hurt. He spent the day in bed.

The pain meds he took wasn't helping that much. The only thing that kind of helped was the spray. It was uncomfortable to take it though since it always made him want to cough, and that was very painful.

He went to have treatment too. He didn't want to do it. It made things worse and the whole experience was exhausting. He wished that he could take a break, but apparently, he couldn't. He wasn't sure if he told anyone that, maybe Harvey. Nothing happened though. Harvey came with him and stayed close to him the entire time though, so that was good.

He felt confused sometimes. The constant pain he was in got to his mind. He felt numb sometimes, sometimes he felt panicked. Time just passed. He lay in bed and stared into the wall for hours on end. He just wanted time to pass. He wanted this to end, this period of his life. It was exhausting.

All that time he spent laying on his bed left time for him to think about things. At least at times when he was in less pain, he was able to think. When the pain was too persistent all he could think about was to just breathe, in and out and make it through minute by minute. But just after he had taken the spray, and it had started to take affect that was when he was able to start thinking in a different way.

It wasn't that uplifting. There weren't any positive thoughts that he had. He couldn't stop blaming himself for the position he was in. He still thought a lot about not telling Harvey sooner, he was ashamed and embarrassed about it. He had made a mistake.

He was afraid. He tried over and over to remind himself that he was sick, that he couldn't help feeling bad, but still he felt scared that Harvey was getting sick of him. Sick of all of this. That it never seemed to end. What if he thought that Mike had neglected to tell him about this just so that it wouldn't end. He thought about it sometimes, about the times when he had been so ill, and Harvey had been so kind. He thought about how Harvey had let him sleep in his bedroom, how Harvey had sat by his bedside holding his hand, he thought about a time when Harvey had sung to him.

It wasn't like that now. Mostly he lay alone. Harvey came when he wanted Mike to eat, or drink something or take his meds. He wasn't there otherwise. They barely spoke to each other, and Mike just didn't know why.

That was why he was so happy when Harvey came into his room one afternoon, without any demands on Mike to do anything. Mike had had a miserable day. He had been up that morning to force himself to eat breakfast, but it had been a hard struggle. It hurt so much swallowing that he wanted to cry at every bite. He thought he would throw up too. He had only managed a quarter of a bowl of yoghurt, before he had stumbled back to the bedroom. It had taken him almost forty minutes to eat and Harvey had only stayed with him for about ten.

"I expect you to eat all of this." He had said though as he had put the bowl in front of Mike.

Mike had washed the rest of the portion off in the sink so that Harvey wouldn't know. He just couldn't do it.

He spent the rest of the morning laying on his back, with his mouth slightly open, just staring up into the ceiling. He had cried a little when he it got too much. He had wished for help, for his grandmother. But he remained alone.

He had refused to have lunch. He just couldn't do it, and Harvey hated him for that. He had yelled.

"Suit yourself then! I can't deal with this." He had left the room.

Mike had been surprised when Harvey stepped into his room a couple hours later. At first, he had been scared, and his breathing had sped up and his eyes had burned. He was too exhausted to fight with Harvey, and he was sure that the man was there to force him to do something.

But Harvey had been nice.

"I think we should talk a little Mike." He had said. "It got a little heated there for a while."

Mike nodded and didn't look at him. Harvey wanted to know how he was feeling, and Mike just shook his head. He didn't feel good. His throat burned, he was exhausted and felt anxious. He clenched his fist and closed his eyes as he had to swallow.

"I'm sorry." Harvey said. Mike looked up at him. "I can see that you are hurting."

Mike didn't say anything, and Harvey nodded a little at him and pulled up the chair so that he was sitting next to Mike's head. If he moved a little closer to the edge of the bed, he would be able to touch Harvey. He didn't dare to relax.

"So?" Harvey said. Mike met Harvey's eyes and the other man looked at him questioningly.

"What?" Mike got out. He didn't know what Harvey wanted and it freaked him out. Why did he have to feel like this? Why couldn't Harvey just help him? Mike wished that it was like before. When he was sicker. He felt just like he had then. Mike wanted to hold on to him, but he didn't move.

"What can I do?" Harvey then said and it was almost like something snapped inside of Mike. He felt himself starting to shake, and he couldn't stop it. He turned his head away to try to hide his emotions. It felt like he was going to burst.

"How about I just sit here for a while." Harvey said next to him, and Mike nodded, still with his head turned away.

He could hear how Harvey moved a little, and then he heard the faint sound of the fan of Harvey's laptop and then the sound of typing. It was calming and he just lay there and listened to it. He was almost able to not think about the pain in his throat.

Tears slowly ran down into the pillow. He felt relieved that Harvey was there. He had wished for this. At the same time though he already dreaded the end of it, when Harvey would shut his laptop, stand up and leave Mike alone again. He couldn't force his body to calm down enough for the shaking to stop. He didn't know why he was so scared.

The typing suddenly stopped. Mike waited for it to continue. He didn't dare to move and look over at Harvey. Was he leaving now? He humiliated himself when he suddenly let out a moan. He was sure Harvey heard it. It was dead silent in the bedroom.

"Oh kid." Harvey sighed and then squeezed Mike's arm a little. Then Harvey took Mike's hand in his. Mike held on hard. He was so scared of the moment when Harvey would let go. He started to cry. He hated himself. He tried to do it quietly, but it was hard with his mouth open.

"You think you have a fever?" Harvey quietly asked. The man's hand was cool against his forehead. He couldn't answer.

"I think you do. Mike, I need to call you doctor, okay."

Harvey's hand disappeared from his head and then his other hand released it's grip of Mike's hand.

"No, don't go. Don't go, don't go, don't go." Mike couldn't help but whisper. The words just flew out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"Mike, I'm just going to get my phone. And call. I'll be back soon." Harvey said.

Mike opened his mouth to yet again protest, or maybe beg, but he closed it again. He had to fight with himself to keep quiet. It was just that he didn't want Harvey to leave. He was in pain; he was warm and felt sad. Now when Harvey was standing up to leave, he also felt sort of desperate. It felt like he was going to burst, and he didn't want to do that. He screwed his eyes shut. Maybe if he just kept them closed, he wouldn't see that Harvey left and that he was alone. He just had to wait, and he would hear when Harvey returned, he could open them again then.

-SUITS-

A few steps outside the room Harvey stopped. He closed his eyes for a moment. Mike had just begged him not to leave. That felt like such a bad sign. The kid was feeling really shitty, and the way his voice had sounded. Scared and frail. Like he thought that Harvey would never return again. It almost felt cruel to leave, but he didn't want Mike to hear this call.

It took a few minutes before he got a hold of Mike's doctor. Harvey told him about Mike's condition, the constant pain, lack of eating and sleeping and now the fever on top of everything else. The doctor asked questions and sounded concerned.

"So, should I bring him in?" Harvey asked. "Maybe it's just better for him to be at the hospital."

There was a pause. Harvey waited. He thought he heard the other sighing. That wasn't a good sign.

"Actually Harvey, at this point I don't think it will help Mike that much. You have to look out for the fever of course, if that get's worse you bring him. But at this point I don't think it's necessary."

"Yes, it is! He needs more help. I can't do it. I can't help him like this." He couldn't surpress the frustration in his voice.

"Harvey, I know this is hard, but frankly there isn't much we can do at the moment. Mike is on medication, and you said that the spray is working. I think he will be more comfortable at home; don't you agree?"

Harvey rubbed his face. He wasn't so sure. The kid was acting so different. It felt like he had a hard time making any contact with Mike. He just laid in bed and stared listlessly at the wall. He barely spoke and for some reason, he seemed to be frightened often. There was something in his eyes that hadn't been there just a few weeks earlier.

"You don't understand. You haven't seen him. He is really struggling."

"I saw Mike the other day Harvey. And I know he looks like he needs to be here, but I have a feeling that he will struggle more here mentally. And I need to think about that as well. For now, that is what I think we should focus on right now."

Harvey sighed and closed his eyes.

"I just… it feels like I can't help him enough. He needs more help."

The doctor was quiet for some time. "I know, Harvey. I'm sorry I don't have any good solutions for you."

Harvey nodded, until he remembered that he was on the phone.

"Yeah… It's fine. I'll see if I'll bring him in or not. But I hear you."

He hung up and for a moment he stood and looked out the window. Somehow, he needed a moment before heading back to Mike. He didn't want to go back, and that made him feel bad. It was just that today it really bothered him to see Mike like this, to sit next to him as he moaned in pain and shook. He just didn't want to see it.

He was disappointed that he hadn't gotten any better news from the hospital, but he figured they were right. Maybe Mike would feel even worse at the hospital. Maybe he should leave it to Mike. Maybe he would want to go?

Mike had pulled up the cover over his head, but Harvey could hear that he was crying. Damn it. He swallowed hard and made his way over to the kid. He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, I'm back Mike. I'm here now." He laid a hand on what he though was Mike's shoulder. The younger man shook below his hand. He didn't say anything though.

"Mike, I spoke to you doctor. He said it's not necessary, but would you like me to take you to the hospital? We can see if they can help you feel better somehow."

The cover moved.

"What was that?" Harvey asked.

"No…please." Mike whispered.

Harvey couldn't help but sigh. "But Mike, I don't know what to do to help you."

"I don't want to go." Was all Mike said.

"Yeah, okay." Harvey sighed and kept his hand on Mike. The younger man didn't say anything else and didn't move either. It seemed like he had calmed down a little at least. Harvey decided to hang out in the room with him for a couple of hours. He glanced at his watch and figured that they could try the spray in an hour or two.

The rest of the day sucked for both Harvey and definitely for Mike. For a while he had sat there next to the kid with his hand on his shoulder. Then he got his computer again and did some work. He helped Mike with the spray and gave him some pills. The kid was shaking when he sat up, and he refused to look at him. The spray helped for a little while, and Mike had slept some.

Then it was time to eat something. Harvey told the kid that he was leaving to get them something to eat, Mike had turned towards him then and shook his head. Harvey didn't know if it meant that he didn't want to be alone, or if he didn't want to eat. Maybe it was both. He left anyway and searched through his cupboards to find something to that he could cook. Eventually he decided to make a soup. It might be easier for Mike to get down. It took him about forty minutes to finish, and he went back to the kid's room.

Harvey knew that Mike had been crying again as soon as he saw him. His eyes were red and puffy, and he trembled. He was laying on his side facing the door, curled up with his arms in front of him. He didn't react when Harvey stepped into the room, or when he spoke to him.

"You know you have to eat, right? I'll even let you eat in here. I've made soup." Harvey continued to talk to him as he moved some stuff away from the nightstand. He realized that the odds of getting Mike to eat something was better in here. "I'll just get it. I'll be right back."

The man barely reacted as Harvey rose his bed, and then awkwardly helped him to sit up. He also didn't say anything as Harvey carefully put the bowl in his lap and tried to put the spoon in his hand.

As Mike started to cry just a few minutes later Harvey felt frustrated and a bit desperate.

"Look, I know you are hurting kid, but just talk to me. Do you think you can get something in you?"

Mike had covered his face with his hands and cried into them. He shook his head.

Harvey squeezed his shoulder. An hour later he had gotten Mike to take about ten spoons of the soup, after they had used the spray again, even though they were supposed to wait a bit with that. Mike fell into an exhausted sleep, still sitting up.

Harvey felt like collapsing himself. It was really tiring to sit there next to Mike and try over and over to coax him into take another spoon. He could see that Mike really tried his best, every time he had swallow his body would tense and his face converted into a grimace of pain. Harvey felt bad as he went on about Just one more. You can do it. Even when it looked like the kid couldn't. He almost felt cruel, when he finally let the kid be.

He hoped that Mike would stay asleep for a long time now. Hopefully the entire night, but usually the damn spray only lasted a few hours, and you had to swallow several times a minute. He had googled it quite a bit, and a person swallowed between 500 to 1000 times a day. And if it hurt like hell every time you did it, he could understand Mike's misery.

He could understand that the kid didn't want to eat, didn't want to talk or do much of anything. He hated the fact the couldn't help more.

Mike had treatment tomorrow. Harvey was going to go with him. He wasn't sure if Mike could do it himself or not.

The night went just as Harvey had feared. Mike woke up and was in a lot of pain. He cried quietly as Harvey sat next to him and tried to offer comfort. He held his hand for a bit, stroked Mike's back, spoke to him. Nothing seemed to help much, but he still tried.

"I'm just so tired" Mike would whisper. "I want it to stop. I just want it to stop."

"I know. I know, kid."

Harvey slept in the chair that night and in the morning his neck ached. Mike was asleep luckily and Harvey let him sleep until he woke a few hours later. Mike had a little breakfast and then they went to the hospital. Harvey had wanted to speak with the doctor he had talked to last night but was told that they weren't there.

The younger man surprised Harvey a bit, because he was able to handle the visit a lot better than he had thought. It was almost like he was a different person from the one Harvey had seen the night before. He even laughed a bit with one of the nurses.

However, when they returned home the kid totally crashed. Like all his energy had gone towards making it through the hospital visit. Harvey made a weak attempt at trying to get him to eat but Mike yelled that he wanted to be left alone and then burst into tears.

"Please, please, please Harvey, just leave me alone, okay? Just let me be."

"Alright, alright. I'll leave you alone. Call for me if you need help then."

Harvey was proud of himself that he managed to just walk away after being yelled at like that. But he knew Mike was in a bad state. Luckily Donna was coming over that night, he felt like some backup would be nice. Mike would probably like it too; he might be a bit tired of Harvey. All he did was nag the kid about eating and taking pills.

Donna was big help that evening. She spent time with Mike, telling Harvey to go out if he wanted and he did. He went to the gym, went out an took a drink at a bar which was something he hadn't done in ages. He didn't even know when it had been, he couldn't remember. Although, all he thought about was Mike.

The situation with the kid was just so unfair at the moment. Sure, Mike was doing better cancer wise, but these side effects were just awful. Mike deserved to feel better to be healthy, to be able to relax. As it was now, it seemed like he was constantly in pain, and that brought with it all sort of things. He was anxious, probably scared, exhausted and he must be starving. What if he became malnourished? He already looked a lot skinnier. What if this would affect him some other way that they didn't know about yet, maybe his organs? He couldn't stop thinking about it.

Mike was asleep when he got home again. Donna said that she was going to spend the night and that she would stay with Mike tomorrow as well. Harvey thanked her a couple of times for that. It meant he would be able to go to the office, he really needed that. He was quite behind on some cases. Mike didn't bother him much, but he wasn't able to concentrate knowing Mike was doing badly. It might be easier at the office.

It turned out that it did, and he got a lot done. He only called Donna twice, both times he made up some excuse about asking her something work-related, even though they both knew the real reason he called. She didn't even pretend, she just told him everything that was going on with Mike.

"Shit, do you want me to come home?" He asked the at the second phone call, after Donna had told him that Mike had been crying for almost an hour.

"No, Harvey. I told you he is asleep now. I think he just needed to get it out of him, and I let him."

"Alright." He closed his eyes for a moment.

"You don't have to feel bad for not being here, Harvey. Mike is fine."

"I wasn't…" He sighed. "Yeah, okay."

Harvey brought dinner for the three of them on his way home. Mike probably would refuse to eat it, but it was worth a try. It turned out that Mike had already eaten and was sleeping in his room.

"You should come over more often." Harvey whispered as they both stood in the doorway looking at the kid's curled up figure.

"Yes, you are right." Donna just said. "I'm staying tonight as well."

They didn't talk much as they ate, sitting at the kitchen island next to each other. Donna seemed tired and a bit subdued. Harvey asked if she was okay, and she said she was. She probably hadn't gotten that much sleep the night before, having slept next to the kid.

"Why don't you go and sit with him. I need to freshen up a bit." She said as she put their plates away. Harvey did what he was told and went over to Mike's room. The kid was awake and was laying on his side, facing the door. He had his mouth open and blinked slowly. He didn't acknowledge that Harvey sat down in front of him. Harvey didn't say anything, but after a moment he reached over and took Mike's hand in his. The kid held on hard and after a while he closed his eyes. They stayed like that until Donna came back. She had changed into a stylish pajama, and she climbed up on the bed next to Mike.

Mike glanced back at her, and then he looked at Harvey and smiled a little. He looked totally exhausted but also relieved. Somehow that hurt a bit in Harvey. The younger man was probably relieved that he wouldn't have to spend the night alone. He saw that's Mike's eyes were a little shiny as he with some effort turned around to face Donna. Harvey soon left them alone.

Harvey felt kind of depressed as he lay in his own bed and thought of Mike. The younger man was so different from just a month ago. It was almost like Mike had been healthy then. He had come with Harvey to work, had gone on about that he could work more. And now he just laid in bed the entire time, barely spoke, refused to eat and was just overall miserable. The worst was of course the pain the kid was in, Harvey could see it in his eyes, that he was suffering. He looked just like he had done those times at the hospital when it had been touch and go if he was going to make it or not. He wondered if Mike had thoughts about wanting it to end.

He couldn't think about that. He refused to think about that. Of course, Mike didn't have suicidal thoughts. The kid wanted to live.

Donna was helping a lot. Harvey was so grateful for what she did. He felt so relieved that she was there and could offer more support to Mike when Harvey felt like he didn't know what to do. Mike doing this badly also brought with it some logistical problems for Harvey. He couldn't leave Mike alone like this. He just couldn't do that. That would almost be cruel, at least that's what it felt like. He knew Mike probably wouldn't want it either, he would want company. Probably at all times. Harvey could see that too in his eyes.

This meant that he needed to work from home a lot or find other people to come to their home and stay with Mike. He tried to arrange so that he would work from home the days Mike needed to go to the hospital, he felt like he couldn't leave that to anyone else. Maybe to Donna, but if Mike felt bad enough to have trouble walking, she wouldn't be able to carry him. He didn't think it would come to that, it was Mike's throat that was hurting, not his legs, but he still didn't want anyone else to go with him.

Donna was the next on the list. He had spoken to Adam as well, but the nurse had taken on other patient and wasn't available. Rachel was a candidate, but he would prefer someone else. He knew that she took it hard to see Mike in pain, and while she could hide it from Mike, he kind of wanted to spare her. Also, he didn't think that Mike would want her to see him like this. The kid probably didn't want anyone to see him like this when Harvey thought about it.

They had gone to the hospital, and Mike had been so exhausted afterwards that he went straight to bed. However, he was in pain and wasn't able to fall asleep. He had cried heartbreakingly and asked Harvey for help.

"Just help me… Help me." He had said, over and over.

Harvey sat next to him, held his hand and tried to get Mike to take a few painkillers. They couldn't use to spray too much, he had been told, it was too strong. However, it was the best they got.

It was awful to just sit there and not being able to do anything. When Mike finally fell asleep, Harvey had gone to the bathroom, started the shower and had then cried a bit, the sound from the water hopefully hiding it. This reaction had surprised him a bit, and he didn't know why he had needed it. Maybe it was because how exhausting it sometimes felt to be in this situation they were in.

Two days later they were back at the hospital again. Mike hadn't said a word during the entire day, and now he just shook his head or nodded when the nurse in the room asked him questions. He was sitting hunched down in a chair staring out into space. Harvey stood next to him, ready to catch him should he fall. It looked like he would.

There were talks about admitting Mike, apparently, they thought he was in such a bad shape that they thought that was warranted. However, Mike asked to not have to stay and after some conversation he was allowed to go back home with Harvey.

When they got there Mike collapsed on his bed, and Harvey sat down at the desk to work a bit. He had a case that was moving forward to court. It was a while ago since he had had a case like that. He did look forward to it, to be that person again. To be in court was so different from the person he was here with Mike. Mike who started to cry quietly into the pillows ten minutes later.

For a moment Harvey closed his eyes, but then got up from his chair and instead sat down on the bed next to Mike. He hoovered his hand over the kid for just a moment but then he put it down and stroked his back.

"Hey…" He said. "Are you in pain?"

"Yeah…" Mike whispered. His back shook below Harvey's hand. "I can't…I can't handle it. Sorry…"

"No, don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry about. I know you are doing your best."

"But I suck." Mike sobbed. He did turn a bit so that they could look at each other.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. I do."

"No, you don't. And don't you say anything else. You are in pain, your defenses are down, but that doesn't mean that you suck."

"I should be able to handle it, though. But I just…" He sobbed a little and drew his hand harshly over his eyes.

"Hey…" Harvey caught his arm and put it down on the bed. "You don't need to handle anything right now. Just relax."

"I can't. It hurts."

"I know. I'm sorry." Harvey swallowed as he looked at Mike's distressed face. The kid screwed his eyes shut as he had to swallow. His hand came up and pressed against his throat. His eyes were wet when he opened them again.

For a while Harvey sat next to the kid, but when it seemed like Mike calmed down a bit, he tried to stand up to get back to the desk. However, Mike grabbed his slew and wouldn't let go, so Harvey stayed for another hour. After that enough time had passed so that they could use the spray again. Mike managed to fall asleep a while later and Harvey got some work done.

-SUITS-

Time was a confusing concept. Mike didn't know how much of it had passed when he opened his eyes again. It might have been five minutes or five hours. Harvey was still in the room and that made him feel so relieved.

He felt so sick. His body ached all over. Worst was his throat, but he also had a terrible headache, his back hurt and his muscles ached. What was with that? What was happening to him?

At the hospital they had wanted to keep him there, but just the thought of staying had almost made him panic. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stay there. He didn't want to stay there. He didn't want Harvey to leave him there. It had taken him a tremendous effort to convince the doctor and nurses that he was good enough to go home. Maybe he hadn't been though. It almost felt a little hard to breathe. Like the air around him was too thick to breathe in.

He had cried today when he and Harvey had gotten home. He hadn't been able to stop himself. He wanted to cry now as well.

He could hear how Harvey was tapping on his keyboard, how he cleared his throat and hummed a little to himself. Mike closed his eyes and tried to focus only on that. It was just so terrible to swallow though. He wanted help. He wanted to ask for it, but he somehow didn't want to disturb Harvey again.

Harvey had told him about his case while they had been waiting at the hospital. He had said that he was going to court with it. The older man was working on that now. Mike pulled a little at the shirt he was wearing. He felt to warm, and it felt like it was too restrictive. When was Harvey going to be done?

He couldn't help but let out a moan when he had to swallow again. Harvey heard him, because he turned around and looked at him.

"Hey there. You are awake again I see." Harvey got up and came over to him. "You were only asleep for about an hour. You in pain?"

Mike moaned as a response; he couldn't help it. He was aware of Harvey standing there next to him, but he couldn't get himself to look at him. Somehow, he just felt embarrassed.

"I'm sorry Mike." Harvey said. "I just… I don't know how to help you. Sorry about that kid."

"It's fine." Mike mumbled.

"No, it's not. I wish I could do something for you."

Mike looked at him then. He stretched out a hand towards Harvey and the older man took it.

"It's fine." Mike repeated.

Harvey nodded a little and dragged a hand over his face.

"You are doing a great job, kid." He said.

Mike let go of his hand. He couldn't believe those words right now. He wasn't doing a good job at all, rather the opposite. He just wished that he could shut off until he felt better, until he could handle things better. But that was just not happening, and all he could do was wait it out. Harvey kept telling him that too. That he needed to hang in there. The older man seemed bothered by his current condition as well.

The night was terrible. He felt out of it from the pain every time he swallowed. He tried to fall asleep as soon as Harvey had helped him with the spray, but it only took a few hours before he woke up again. He just laid there, tried to breathe through it and dreaded every time he needed to swallow. He slept on and off, what felt like minutes at the time. When Harvey came into his room in the morning, he felt so bad that he embarrassingly enough got tears in his eyes at the sight of the older man. It just felt good that he was there.

"You should have called for me, Mike."

Mike nodded a little and tried to wipe his tears away.

"Why didn't you?"

"Don't know." Mike mumbled. "I felt bad."

"Yeah, I can see that. That's why you… Let's just start with the spray, huh? Then the pills."

The spray didn't help much that morning and he couldn't help but cry. He even begged Harvey to let him be, even though he knew that he had a bunch of pills left. Harvey didn't let him though, but when he finally was finished Harvey sat down next to him on the bed and wrapped his arms around him. Mike cried against his chest for a minute or two before he managed to collect himself. Harvey didn't let him go though, not until he had calmed down.

Harvey stayed with him in his room the entire day. That was so nice of him. Mike really appreciated it. Harvey was basically the only positive in his life at the moment. The rest were just a lot of laying in bed in pain, waiting for it to pass. He went to the hospital too; those days were worse than the rest.

It somehow felt that he had lost control of what was happening to him or what was going on around him. He didn't know how to get back control. Harvey kept telling him that it was going to get better soon, as soon as the sores in his throat healed a bit more. It was probably true, but it didn't seem to happen. Every time he woke up it just hurt. He laid in bed, warm and confused, and waited. Sometimes Harvey came and wanted him to eat or take medication. Those times were awful, and he dreaded it. Once when Harvey came into the room, he burst out crying, because just the thought of having to swallow something devastated him.

"Oh kid, hey…" Harvey had sighed. Mike had tried to refuse, but Harvey still made him take the pills. He had cried a lot. It made him feel so bad.

It seemed like things were only getting worse, not better. He didn't know what to do.

-SUITS-