Chapter 84.

Harvey had to go the office more the longer the case he was working on progressed. He dreaded it every time he had to leave Mike alone. The kid wasn't alone, but Harvey himself wasn't there, and sometimes it felt like the same thing.

It felt like they weren't getting anywhere with Mike's health. He just wasn't getting better, and he spent more and more time in bed. Harvey tried sometimes to get him to the living room just so that he could change scenery, but Mike didn't seem to appreciate it. The other night the kid had started to cry when he walked into the kid's room. It was just so depressing, and Harvey didn't know what to do at times like that. No matter what he did, Mike was still miserable a lot of the time.

Donna was spending the day with Mike today while Harvey went to the office to meet with his client to prep her for trial. When he got back home Mike was sleeping and Donna told him that she had helped Mike shower, and that the steam from the hot water had helped him quite a bit. She suggested that he should do it with Mike more often.

The trial date was closing in and Harvey had started looking for a solution for that day. Donna was unable since she had to take a few days off to go and see family. She had told him all about it, but he hadn't listened well enough to remember why.

He had asked Adam too, but he was working with other patients. He had then turned to Rachel, but she couldn't stay too many days away from her own cases. But she had promised to help out as much as she could and was going to come over later during the week.

Harvey wondered if maybe he could leave Mike alone for a couple of hours that day. He had talked it over with Mike and the kid had agreed to it.

"A few hours are fine." He said, without looking at Harvey, who had squeezed his shoulder and thanked him.

"You will be fine." He had agreed.

However, two days before the trial Mike had changed his mind. The kid had been quiet and distant the whole day. Harvey had been with him to the hospital. That evening while Harvey helped him getting ready for bed, Mike quietly said his name. Harvey turned to look at him, a bit surprised since Mike hadn't spoken many words that day.

"I don't want to be alone." He said.

The sight of him sitting on the bed without a shirt on, hunched down, arms around his midsection, and head bowed down, was saddening. He looked so vulnerable and frail. He was shaking slightly. Harvey didn't know if it was because he was cold or not.

Harvey slowly walked over to him without saying anything, while his mind started spinning, trying to find solutions. He held up a shirt towards Mike, and the kid unfolded a little and stretched out his arms so that Harvey could help him put it on. A while Harvey's gaze lingered on the scar on Mike's chest.

"You don't want to be alone?" He said.

Mike was staring down into the floor as he shook his head.

"Please." He whispered. "I can't. Or I don't want to."

Harvey nodded. He then wrapped his arms around Mike and drew him towards him.

"You don't have to. I'll figure something out."

He felt how Mike's body shook against his own. He made no attempts at hugging Harvey back, he just leaned against him. A few minutes they stayed like that. Harvey then helped Mike to lay down, got some tissues and cleaned the younger man's face.

"Don't worry. I'm glad you told me."

He draped the cover over the kid and straightened it out a little. Then he sat down on the chair next to the bed. Mike had his head turned towards him but wouldn't look at him. Harvey saw how he tensed when he swallowed. He still looked close to tears.

Harvey got his phone out and quickly texted Rachel asking if she could please come over tomorrow. She answered almost right away, repeating that she was available for the weekend and that she still had a lot to do. He texted her again, writing something that was very close to begging.

"Sorry." Mike whispered next to him. "I'm sorry."

Harvey put the phone away. "Hey, no. It's alright. You don't have to be upset." Mike had tears in his eyes.

"But…but I said that I could stay… stay by myself. And now I…"

He squirmed a little on the bed and wiped his eyes.

"Mike, it's fine. You are allowed to change your mind. In fact, I'm glad you told me, okay. I want you to tell me stuff like this. And I know you aren't doing well right now. I should never have asked you in the first place. It's alright. You wont be alone."

"But what about your trial? You can't…"

"It will be alright."

His phone vibrated in his hand, and he looked at it and smiled.

"Rachel is going to come over tomorrow and stay with you. You don't have to be here by yourself."

Mike looked at him then.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

"Yes, of course." Harvey forced himself to smile and sound happy. Mike looked so worried.

The kid breathed hard and clutched the cover in his hands. Harvey did his best to calm him. He laid a hand on Mike's and after a few minutes he calmed down. However, that night Mike seemed to have disturbing nightmares that made him scream out loud. Harvey spent a few hours with him, until he felt like he could leave again.

Rachel arrived a little after nine the next morning. She had a bag with her laptop and a bunch of files with her.

"I thought he would like to help me go through my case." She said as Harvey greeted her by the door.

"Don't get your hopes up, Rachel. He is in a pretty bad shape. Had a lot of nightmares tonight. And he might be in a lot of pain."

She looked a little worried at that, but Harvey didn't think that he had any words of reassurance for her. It was probably going to be a pretty rough day for Mike.

"And you are not able to come tomorrow, right?" Harvey asked her, even though she had already said that she wasn't.

"No, sorry Harvey. I can't."

When Harvey closed the door behind him, he felt a bit bad about leaving Rachel with Mike in the state he was. He had gone together with Rachel to wake Mike up. He would have preferred to not wake him since the kid barely had slept during the night, but he needed to access the state Mike was in. Mike was sleeping on his back, with his mouth slightly open. Next to him Rachel drew in a deep breathe.

"He looks so thin." She whispered.

"Yeah, he has been having a hard time eating lately."

The younger man seemed to be doing alright though, and even sat up and took the pain killers himself, after Harvey carefully shook him awake.

When Harvey got to the office his first order of business was to solve the situation with Mike for tomorrow. Leaving Mike alone wasn't an option. He had promised the kid that he would have to be by himself, but he also had to be in court. He couldn't cancel that, and he couldn't bring Mike with him.

Feeling a little desperate Harvey decided to turn to Louis, but when he went into the other man's office, he knew that that wasn't an option either. Louis had a box of tissues on his desk and was coughing a bit.

"You are sick?" Harvey asked.

Louis nodded. "Yes. What can I do for you Harvey?"

"Actually nothing, Louis. I was going to ask you if you could watch Mike tomorrow, but clearly you can't."

"It's just a cold."

"Yes, but Mike don't need to get a cold right now."

"How is he then? I haven't seen him in a while, I've been meaning to ask."

"He is not doing good at all at the moment. He has some sores in his throat that causes him a lot of trouble."

When Harvey got back to his office, he saw that his client had called him twice already. She must be nervous about tomorrow. So was Harvey, but for a different reason. He only had one option now, and he wasn't that thrilled about it.

"Eh… Jessica. I'm sorry."

Harvey knocked again at the glass door, from where he was standing in the doorway.

"Can I come in?"

He saw how she nodded so he stepped inside her office.

"What can I do for you, Harvey?"

"Ehm… Look Jessica, I wouldn't come with this to you if I had any other options, but I need your help with Mike." He paused, but she just looked at him, so he continued. "I need to go to court tomorrow, and Donna has a family matter, Rachel is busy as well and Louis has a cold, and Mike's nurse is with another patient. I can't postpone, and right now, Mike isn't doing so well. I don't want to leave him alone."

He stopped again to see her reaction, but she just calmy looked at him. He continued once more.

"I thought about bringing him with me, but he is just not up for it at the moment. He is going through a tough time."

"So, you need me to babysit your associate then?"

"Well, at last keep him company until I arrive."

She nodded slowly. "Tomorrow?"

"Yes, from around 9." He looked at her and felt like he was holding his breathe, while waiting for her answer.

She sighed a little but nodded again. "I'll help you, Harvey."

"Thank you, Jessica. It means a lot. Mike appreciates it as well. Although I doubt that he will show it. He is in a pretty bad state."

Jessica raised her eyebrows and looked at him.

"He has painful sores in his throat." Harvey said to explain. "I'll see you tomorrow then. I got to go prep my client."

He left before she had the time to say anything else. He was relieved though that she had agreed. His only other option had been to leave Mike alone, and that just didn't seem fair. Sure, Mike would have dealt with it. But he was just so vulnerable at the moment. Last night Harvey just while Harvey had been preparing himself for bed he had walked by Mike's room, and he had heard him crying. That was before the nightmares. It pulled at his heart to find the younger man in that state, but when he went into the room Mike had tried to hide that he was crying, so hadn't brought it up with him. That was one of the reasons why he didn't want to leave Mike alone now, even if it would only be a couple of hours. The other reason being that Mike had ask him to not have to be alone.

Rachel and Mike were on the couch when he got home. Mike was laying curled up with his eyes closed and Rachel were sitting next to him by his head. She had a hand on his shoulder. They were just sitting and laying there, in silence with no TV on or anything. They didn't speak either.

Rachel turned towards him and smiled sadly. She looked a bit shaken up and he could see that her hand on Mike shook a little.

"Is he asleep?" Harvey whispered.

Rachel nodded and carefully got up from the couch. She came over to him.

"He's not doing well at all, Harvey." She said quietly, while glancing towards Mike. She drew a deep breath before she continued. "He cried himself to sleep. Nothing we did helped towards the pain. I told him that we should go to the hospital, but he refused and said that there was nothing they could do there anyway. But that can't be true."

"Well, we've been to the hospital about this, and he is kind of right. There is not that much they can do for him, except painrelief."

"And that's what he needs, isn't it?"

Harvey sighed. "Yeah. You are right. But it is also exhausting for him to go there. This might be something that we just have to wait out."

"Are you sure? Because I don't know if I can just watch him like that. I don't know if I can do that."

She hastily wiped her eyes as she turned away from him a little.

"I'm sorry Rachel. You don't have to… to stay with him again if you don't want to. I won't ask you…"

"Oh, don't be stupid Harvey. Of course I'll spend time with him. It's just hard to see him like that."

Harvey nodded. "I know, I know it is. But it will pass. He will get better."

"I hope it will be soon."

"Me too."

They stood in silence for a bit. Both watching Mike on the couch.

"I'm going to head to the office. Tell him I said bye."

"Thank you for today, Rachel."

She smiled a little and nodded. Then she was gone, and it was just Harvey and Mike again. Harvey hoped that the kid would sleep a few hours now. He hated knowing that Mike had been in so much pain that he had cried. If he had cried in front of Rachel, it must have been bad. Or maybe he had been exhausted enough to have been unable to hold back. He had barely slept during the night after all.

Harvey was pretty tired himself. Maybe he should take the opportunity to get some sleep himself. He went over to Mike's bedroom and searched for a while until he found the baby monitor, he brought it back to the living room and carefully placed it on the table in front of Mike. Then he went to bed. If he could sleep a few hours, it would be enough for him to be able to deal with Mike should he have another bad night, which was a high probability especially after how Rachel had reacted. If he got some rest now, he would also get enough sleep to be able to handle his court case tomorrow. He had some to prepare still for the case, but he would have time later tonight.

"Har-Harvey…. Please…" Mike's weak voice penetrated his sleep. Harvey blinked a bit and looked at the baby monitor. It's light turned on again when Mike spoke.

"Please…" He said.

"Shit." Harvey mumbled and hurried out of bed.

Mike was laying on his side on the couch with the baby monitor in a hard grip on one hand and the other pressed against his throat. He was panting and had tears mixed with sweat all across his face.

"I'm here. I'm here Mike." Harvey said and removed the monitor from his hand and put it on the table. He searched around for the spray with pain relief and found it on the desk in Mike's room. Mike panted and whispered his name when he returned. He pleaded.

"It's okay. Open your mouth."

Mike did as he was told, and Harvey pushed his head back a bit and then put the spray in an angle that he thought would cover most of the wounds in the kids throat. He sprayed a few times and then waited as Mike coughed. He did it again.

Mike turned on his back and closed his eyes. Harvey put a hand over his chest and stroked a few times. It was a bit damp, and he considered if he should force Mike to get changed and maybe get him over to his bed. When Mike moaned a bit, he ditched that idea.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. " I'm sorry I was late. I came as soon as I heard you."

"Mmm… It's fine." Mike said after a little while.

"Alright. You want something to drink?"

Harvey stayed with the younger man for about an hour. That was how long it took him to fall back asleep. They ended up moving to the bedroom though, as Mike seemed a little more comfortable. It was pretty awful to sit there next to Mike and watch while he was in obvious pain. Nothing Harvey could do helped against that pain. Mike wasn't interested in doing much of anything either. So, company was the best thing Harvey could offer.

When he woke the next morning, he knew that he hadn't gotten enough sleep. Mike had woken up twice more during the night and Harvey sat with him then too and given him the spray both times.

Jessica arrived a little before nine. Harvey was ready to leave, but Mike was still asleep. When Harvey opened the door for her, he saw that she was casually dressed. That was good, she seemed prepared.

"Thank you so much for coming, Jessica."

"It's no problem, Harvey. I'm glad to be able to help."

Harvey nodded.

"Eh… I haven't told Mike that you will be staying with him today. But I'm sure he won't mind."

"And why haven't you told him?"

"He is in a pretty bad shape, so I never got the opportunity yesterday."

"What's going on with him then?"

"He's had radiation and one of the side effects can be that you develop sores in your mouth and throat. Mike has gotten it pretty bad this time, it causes him a lot of pain."

Jessica nodded. "That sounds awful, Harvey."

"Yeah, it is. He can't or won't eat. He… he cries sometimes as well. And I guess it makes him exhausted to be in pain all the time. But painrelief helps some, and if you just sit with him, talk to him, he usually calms down."

"I think we will manage. Where is he?"

She looked around in the livingroom. Harvey followed her gaze and felt a little bad. The place was kind of a mess. The dishes from yesterday were still out, there was a mix of magazines, tissues and pill bottles spread across the living room table and a blanket had been left on the floor. He went and picked it up.

"He is actually still asleep. He's had a bad night, so I didn't want to wake him earlier, but I'll do it before I leave. Look, I'm sorry about this Jessica."

He went over to the kitchen with a plate, two glasses and cup.

"Harvey, it's fine."

Harvey couldn't help but take a deep breath and shake his head.

"It's going to be difficult for the both of you though I'm afraid. If you could help him get dressed, it would be great. If he wants to that is. Then he needs to take his medication so if you can help him with that. Also try to get him to eat something. Actually, meds and food are more important than dressing him."

Jessica nodded with a smile. "As I said, I think I can manage."

"I've prepped everything already. His clothes are laid out, the medication he needs to take is over here."

They walked over to the kitchen counter where Harvey had laid out the dose Mike needed. He picked up a small spray bottle.

"You might want to start with this. It's a pain relief, just spray it down his throat, and wait a few minutes and then try to get him to take the rest. I just have to warn you that it might be a struggle. I actually crushed a few the other day and mixed them down in some yogurt. You might want to try that."

He pointed at a small container with a couple of pills. "It's these that you can crush. The rest he needs to swallow whole."

She nodded, but Harvey thought that she had gotten a little tense.

"I know this is a lot to ask, Jessica." He said. "Do you want to come with me and wake him?"

"Of course. And Harvey, like I said, I will manage."

Mike was sleeping on his back with his mouth slightly open. It looked like he was in pain and Harvey's heart sank a bit. Damn it. He heard how Jessica took a deep breath behind him, and he looked over to her.

"He is just so thin. The last time I saw him he looked a lot better."

"Yeah, I know. He is really struggling with eating right now."

Harvey reached over and lightly shook Mike's shoulder. The younger man moaned a little and blinked against the light. He screwed his eyes shut as he swallowed. He then looked up at them. His eyes widened a bit when he saw Jessica.

"Hi." He rasped.

"Hi kid, how are you feeling?"

"Good morning, Mike." Jessica said.

Mike looked at them and then closed his eyes. "Okay." He whispered.

"Look Mike, Jessica is going to stay with you today. I need to head out, but I'll be back as soon as I can."

Mike just nodded.

Harvey stepped a bit forward and squeezed shoulder, hoping that Mike would know that he was sorry for this.

Mike looked up at him then. He slowly shook his head. "Don't go." He whispered. "Please."

Harvey tensed. Shit. He hated this. Mike really needed him, he knew that. He probably felt uncomfortable to show himself like this to Jessica. But it wasn't much that he could do for the kid that couldn't be done by someone else.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Jessica will take care of you." He said now and forced himself to smile down at the younger man. Mike didn't smile back, and instead looked close to tears.

Harvey hesitated. Should he just cancel?

He then felt Jessica lay a hand on his back.

"You will be fine. Jessica will be right with you." Harvey then said and left the room. It hurt in him to walk away, but Mike would be fine. This wasn't life threatening.

He heard Jessica say something to Mike, she then followed him to the door.

"Try to get him to drink often. There are ice cubes in the freezer that might help too. And ice cream might work. There is also a saline solution on the kitchen island that you can have him rinse his mouth with. He doesn't like that very much though, but you can give it a try to see if you can get him to do it."

"Alright Harvey." Jessica smiled at him. "Just leave now will you. If there is any problem I will call you."

"Okay. Yeah. Thanks again."

She smiled at him, shook her head, and went back into the apartment, leaving Harvey standing there by the open door. He sighed and then left. He needed to get Mike out of his mind now if he was going to be able to do his job.

-SUITS-

Mike felt like bursting into tears. Why was Harvey doing this to him? Why did he leave him with Jessica of all people?

It stressed him out immensely to know that she was going to spend the next few hours with him. He didn't feel good at all. His mouth hurt so much, and swallowing was just awful. He was sweaty as well, his head hurt, and it constantly felt like he needed to cough.

Harvey had just left even after he had begged him to stay. He felt betrayed. Why hadn't he said anything earlier? And why was Jessica there and not Donna or Adam. He needed to get a grip before she came back into the room. He wiped his eyes and coughed. The pain was excruciating, he needed something to drink.

"That doesn't sound good." Jessica was back.

Mike tried to take a couple of deep breaths. It hurt so damn much when he coughed.

"You want some water?"

Mike nodded.

"Here you go." She held out a glass of water with a straw.

He quickly sat up and took it from her. "Thanks." He whispered. The water was cold and soothed his throat a little bit. He tried to put the glass back on the nightstand, but Jessica took it from his hands and did it for him. He laid down again and tried not to cough. He closed his eyes.

"So, are you up for taking your medication?"

He wanted to ignore her. He wondered what she would do if he did that? Would she be annoyed with him, or would she let him be? But just the thought of trying to force down the meds in front of Jessica made him want to cry or maybe scream. He kept his eyes closed as he shook his head.

"Alright." Jessica said. "I'll give you ten minutes."

When he opened his eyes again, she wasn't there anymore. He wanted her to come back. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't know why, it was Jessica of all people how was there with him, but he didn't care, he wanted her back. He felt how his eyes started to water. When he had to swallow, he allowed himself to cry a little. It just hurt so much. Why wasn't anyone helping him? Why did Harvey leave him with Jessica of all people?

He had managed to regain control of himself by the time she returned. She wanted to take his meds. It was going to be awful.

He carefully and slowly sat up in the bed. Jessica raised it for him. On the nightstand he found one of the hats and put it on his head. He felt vulnerable without it. He felt warm and a little dizzy.

"Here you go." Jessica held out the spray with pain relief for him.

His hand was shaking as he took it. He hesitated before he opened his mouth and sprayed. He had to cough almost immediately. He blindly handed it back to her and screwed his eyes shut and leaned forward as the coughing tore through him. He couldn't help but moan and hid his face in his hands. He felt dizzy. He jerked a bit when Jessica laid a hand on his shoulder.

She wanted him to take the rest of the medication when he had calmed down again. He agreed to do it even though he didn't want to. The process was slow, and it stressed him out so damn much that she was there. He managed to do it though without breaking down. Jessica said that she would let him rest for a bit after that and she left the room again. Mike cried then.

He didn't know for how long she was gone, but the painkillers had started to take effect. He was just laying on his side, with his face towards the walls. He had stopped crying, so that was a good thing. He heard how Jessica came back into the room and sat down on the chair. He didn't react, didn't say anything and didn't turn around.

"Are you doing a bit better?" She asked.

"Yeah." Mike said. What else was he supposed to say?

"I brought you something to eat." Jessica said then and Mike wished he would pass out. He didn't want to swallow anything at all, even though it wasn't hurting that much at the moment.

"I'm not hungry." He tried, but she wasn't having it.

"You need to eat though. It's just a little yoghurt."

Mike closed his eyes for a moment, but then he sat up on the bed.

"Thank you." He mumbled as she handed him the bowl. It felt so uncomfortable with her sitting there. Somehow, he felt like such a failure, and he felt humiliated. He couldn't look at her as he slowly ate. He managed to eat everything.

He awkwardly handed her the bowl back when he was down, and when she left the room, he laid down again. To his surprise Jessica returned to the room again and sat down on the chair again.

"Are you alright?" She asked him.

"Yeah, I guess." Mike said.

"How is your treatment going?"

"Pretty good. Except for this…" He pointed at his throat.

"Yes. Harvey told me that you're really struggling with it."

"Yeah, it just hurts a lot. I have… I have trouble dealing with it. I don't know why."

"Pain is hard."

Mike nodded. He wanted to sleep. Somehow, his eyes burned a little. He wished Harvey was there. Jessica leaned forward and he jerked a little, but she just reached for one of Harvey's magazines that was on the nightstand. She started looking through it, and Mike just laid there. He tried to fall asleep, and he tried to not freak out. He didn't know why he felt so low. He also felt so alone, even though she was right there next to him.

A couple of slow hours passed. They didn't talk much. Mike's throat had started to hurt again. He felt really bad.

Jessica told him that it was time for lunch, and she disappeared out to the kitchen to make it. She also asked him if he was okay with eating at the table, and he said that he was. He slowly made his way over there and sat down and waited. He felt embarrassed that she was cooking for him.

It was a pain to force the food down and he constantly felt close to tears. It took him way longer than it should have. All the while Jessica was sitting there opposite of him, and it stressed him out.

"You don't have to finish it. It looks like it really pains you." Jessica surprised him by saying when he only had a few bites left.

"Okay." He said. "Thank you."

She smiled at him and then reached over and took his plate.

He didn't know why, but as she walked over to the dishwasher with the dishes, his eyes teared up. He wanted to just let it go and he wanted Harvey there, not her. But he was able to control himself and then made his way back to his bed. He stumbled a little and almost fell. He laid down with his back towards the door.

He could feel himself shaking, tears were in his eyes and his throat just burned. He wished that Harvey was there. He just wanted him. He couldn't understand why he had to leave when he knew that Mike was doing this badly. It almost felt cruel.

"Hey Mike. What can I do?"

Jessica was there. He hadn't heard her coming and here he was, breaking apart. He knew that she knew that too.

"Mike?"

"I just… I just…" He wiped the tears away; he didn't know if she could see it.

"You just what?" She asked.

"I just want Harvey to come now…" He breathed out and yet again tried to wipe the tears away. New ones just kept coming. "Where is he?" He wanted to sink through the floor as his voice broke at the question. He tried his hardest not to start sobbing.

"He's in court." Jessica said. "He will be back soon."

"I don't get why he left me…" He didn't want to say those words, but they just flew out of his mouth. He couldn't look at Jessica either. He couldn't believe she was the one that he said those stuff to. What was wrong with him?

"He didn't leave you. He'll be back in just a few hours. You'll be fine."

He lost it. He really did. Hours just sounded too long, and he just felt so damn scared and miserable. He cried and pressed his face into a pillow hoping that she wouldn't hear him. Time just stood still. It felt like he was going to burst, he tensed and wished that he could scream. He wanted to scream until Harvey got there. Awful thoughts just kept coming, over and over and he couldn't push them away. He didn't know why it was happening. He had been okay just minutes ago.

What if Harvey wasn't coming back? What if he would be angry? What if Jessica left? What if she fired him for this? What if he died before Harvey got back?

"Mike, Mike, Mike. Honey. Calm down, you need to calm down. No need for this."

He could feel Jessica's hand on his back. She started stroking him. At first it startled him and stopped the thoughts for just a minute. He calmed down after a while. He still wished that he would pass out, he didn't understand why he couldn't do that. He was exhausted.

He stopped crying eventually. Jessica was still sitting next to him, her hand still on his back. It felt nice. It grounded him.

"Are you feeling a little bit better?"

Mike nodded a little.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asked next and Mike shook his head, wishing that she wouldn't leave. He didn't want to be alone.

"That's quite the reactions you had just now. You want to talk about that?" Jessica asked next.

Mike who didn't want to talk about that ever, didn't say anything. He felt so embarrassed. He wished yet again that he could just pass out, but that didn't happen now either.

"I just get scared when he leaves sometimes." He eventually said, because she was sitting there next to him, waiting. It was the first thing he came up with and the first thing he thought about. He turned a little so that he would be able to look at her.

"And why do you get scared?" She asked.

"I keep thinking he doesn't want to be here with me, and I'm afraid something is going to happen. And I just… I just think that he not going to come back. He'll leave and never come back." He just answered the first things that came to his mind. He didn't know why he said that, but it was true. He had expected Jessica to laugh at him or give him that look she had when she didn't agree with something someone did or said. But she didn't do that, instead she leaned forward a bit and looked at him.

"And why do you think he wouldn't come back?"

He hesitated a little, but then said it.

"That's what my parents did. They left and they never came back again. What if Harvey leaves and something happens to him and he's never coming back? It can happen. It happened."

He blinked and tears ran down his cheeks. He wanted to cry for real again but couldn't let himself do it. Not in front of her when she saw it, he had done enough already. He jerked a little when she laid a hand over his forehead. She then stroked his head.

"I'm sorry that happened to you. But it's not going to happen to Harvey. He is going to come back."

She stroked him again and he closed his eyes. It helped that she said that, but he still knew that she couldn't know. It could happen, accidents happened.

She didn't remove her hand from his head, and after a moment he felt himself start to calm down a bit more. He tried to draw deep breathes even though it hurt his throat. He felt exhausted.

He tried to empty his head and just focus on Jessica's hand on his head. She still stroked it lightly. It felt good. He felt himself falling asleep despite everything, and he welcomed it. Maybe Harvey would be there again when he woke up.

-SUITS-

The court case went well for Harvey. There were a few surprises, but he had managed to handle it all, and the case was over. The client was happy with the outcome and Harvey felt relieved that it was over. He felt kind of bad for leaving Mike with Jessica this morning, even when the younger man had asked him not to. He knew Mike was in a bad state mentally right now and probably would be for a few more weeks. He had two more weeks of radiation therapy left, which had caused his sores in his throat. Hopefully things would be better after that.

When Harvey got home the condo was quiet. He had checked his phone constantly during the hours he was away, but there hadn't been any calls or massages from Jessica or Mike, and he hadn't called them either. There hadn't been time for that. He now walked over to Mike's room and carefully pushed the door open wider. Jessica was sitting on the chair right next to Mike's bed. She was stroking the younger man's head, slowly, over and over. It looked like Mike was asleep, which surprised Harvey a bit.

"Hi." He whispered.

She jerked a little and turned towards him. She nodded a little and then carefully lifted her hand from the kid's head. Just as carefully she stood up and they both left the room.

Jessica seemed to relax a bit as they sat down in the living room.

"How did it go today?" Harvey asked.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing."

"I won, of course. How did you get Mike to sleep?"

She didn't answer and didn't look at him for some time, her gaze locked on something outside the window.

"He was really upset." She sighed. "In pain. He missed you. He worried that you weren't coming back. Did you know that he does that when you leave?"

Harvey slowly shook his head. "No, I didn't." He felt that familiar knot in his stomach. How bad had it been for Mike to tell Jessica that?

"He's like a child. But it seems like he is aware of it and gets even more distressed from his own behavior."

Harvey nodded now. He recognized that in Mike. The struggle in him for getting comfort and reassurance, and then realizing that he wasn't behaving in a normal way to get it.

"Did he cry?"

"Yes, he did. Quite a lot. Even though he tried to hide that he was."

"Yeah. I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

"Harvey, I don't mind. But Mike does mind, I think it was incredibly stressful for him, having me here. Although he seemed to accept it eventually."

"I wish there could have been another way." He shrugged his shoulders a little. "But there weren't any other options today."

"I know. I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying that it was hard for him."

Harvey nodded. "This just suck." He said. "I can't take this away; he just has to deal with it."

"Your case is over now though, right. Maybe you should hold off from taking any new ones in the nearest future."

"Yeah, maybe. Thank you again for today, Jessica."

She nodded and smiled at him. "I glad I could help. Tell Mike I hope he feels better soon."

She left shortly after that and grabbed something to drink and his laptop and went to sit on the chair in Mike's room.

It only took twenty minutes before Mike moaned and moved a bit on the bed. His eyes flew up and he started to cough, long and hard. Harvey had to haul him up to sitting and when Mike noticed that it was him who was there, he clung to him and started to cry. Maybe from relief, maybe from pain, Harvey couldn't be sure, and Mike didn't tell him. He wrapped his arms around the younger man and shushed him like you would a young child. For a long time, they sat like that. The kid cried loudly, not holding back at all, and the sounds he made tore into Harvey.

"I'm sorry…I'm so-sorry, Harvey." Mike got out after a few minutes, but Harvey just shushed him and told him not apologize.

Mike calmed down soon after that, but Harvey stayed the rest of the night with him. He helped him with the pain meds, helped him to eat a little and held his hand. He told him in detail how the case went and apologized for leaving him with Jessica.

"I feel bad about having to do that to you. She told me that she noticed that it wasn't easy for you that she was there."

"It's fine. I have humiliated myself in front of everyone more times than I want to remember anyway. This was just another of those times."

"You haven't humiliated yourself Mike. Stop talking shit about yourself."

"It's not shit. It's the truth. I can't control myself. I behave like some sort of… I don't know." Mike closed his eyes and didn't say anything else.

"I keep telling you that you don't have to care about that, but it's like you are not listening to me at all."

"Well, I guess you are so used to this damn side of me that you don't think it's strange anymore. You probably think this is the way I am now, but it isn't!"

"Calm down will you. I don't care what you do. I know you are struggling right now Mike, and I know why. You are in pain. It sucks, but you are dealing with it the best you can. I know that."

Mike was quiet for some time, still with his eyes closed. "Thanks Harvey." He eventually said.

When it was time for them to head to bed Harvey offered Mike to come and sleep in his bed.

"So that I know if you need me during the night." He said.

Mike nodded, slowly sat up and grabbed a hold of a blanket and then followed him to Harvey's room. Neither of the got much sleep. Harvey almost felt dizzy from lack of sleep the next morning. At least seven times Mike had woken him that night.

They spent the day in the living room watching movies and napping. Donna came over for both lunch and dinner.

The days passed slowly like that Harvey spend a couple of days together with Mike, not leaving him alone for more than minutes at the time. It was both relaxing as the same time as it was exhausting and sad. Sad because how much it affected Mike mental state to constantly be in pain. But Harvey tried to be understanding, tried to be as patient and as gentle he could towards the younger man. Donna even complemented him on it. He noticed how she looked at him and smiled one day after he had helped Mike drink some water and tucked him in below a blanket on the couch.

"What?" He had said to her.

"You are so good with him, Harvey." She said quietly.

Mike's pain caused him to have problem to eat enough, and he lost a lot of weight. You could see it on him. The hospital finally acted a bit more towards the whole situation and Mike got stronger meds. It was only a week left of his radiation treatment, but they apparently deemed it worth it. The meds were strong enough to make Mike drowsy, confused and nauseated. He slept a lot , threw up now and again, but seemed to be in less pain at least, so the kid thought it was better than before.

Radiation treatment finally ended for this time around. Mike was very relieved, and so was Harvey. They celebrated a little by having Donna over for dinner. Mike insisted on making all the food. He was making pasta but fell asleep while it was cooking. Harvey came out in the kitchen and found the overcooked pot, threw everything away and started over. He woke Mike when it was couple minutes before being done. He wasn't even sure Mike noticed that the pasta now was in a different pot.

Mike's pain lessened more and more. He soon stopped complained about his throat hurting him, he started eating better, got more sleep and his mood improved a lot. It was wonderful for the both of them.

"I'm just so relieved that all of that is behind me now." Mike said one night when Harvey asked him about his throat. "It was so awful. I felt like a different person. It was weird."

"I'm glad you're better." Harvey just said.

Mike nodded little and shifted a little where he was on the couch next to Harvey.

"Thanks for getting me through it Harvey." He said quietly.

"Any time, kid."

A week or so passed without anything special happening. Mike went to a therapy session that lifted his mood a bit. They went back and forth to the hospital. Mike even went alone a couple times after insisting that it was fine. He got home after one of those visits and said that his doctors wanted to have a meeting the next week and he asked if Harvey could come with him.

Harvey of course went with him, and the meeting was about an upcoming appointment with intensive testing that they wanted to preform on Mike to determine how his progress was going. The meeting went on for nearly an hour where they went through everything they wanted to do and test. Mike was mostly quiet, and a few times when Harvey looked over at the younger man he was just staring down at the floor as if he wasn't listening at all.

They had talked about before that Mike should be more involved in the treatment, but it seemed like sometimes Mike wasn't interested in that at all. Harvey had a hard time understanding that, it was the kids life at stake, he should want to know. But maybe it was just a way to deal with it all, so Harvey let the kid be and listened for the both of them, asked questions and accepted paperwork coming their way.

When the meeting was over Mike was still sitting there staring at the floor, even though two of the doctors had left already, so Harvey grabbed him by the arm and practically dragged him to the car.

"Tests again huh?" He said when they were on the road. Harvey was driving himself this time and Mike was slumped in the passenger seat next to him, with his head leaned against the headrest facing the window.

"Yeah." He mumbled and pulled his hat a bit further down.

"So, are they going to admit you? How do you feel about that?" Harvey asked as he slowed down in front of a red light.

Mike shrugged without looking at him. Harvey glanced at him, but the younger man was just staring out of the window. They didn't speak or the rest of the car ride, and Mike slowly followed him as they went up the condo. Harvey had to hold the elevator for him.

He noticed that Mike was unusually quiet during the rest of the night, but he left him alone, even though he wanted to bring it up. Something was clearly bothering the younger man; Harvey could tell just by looking at him.

He tried to talk to Mike about it before they went to bed but Mike just said goodnight and closed his door, almost in Harvey's face. He blinked in confusion for a moment, thought about opening the door again, but didn't. They would talk tomorrow.

It was almost like Mike avoided him the next day. The last week or so Harvey hadn't woken the younger man up, instead Mike had walked out into the living room himself, sometimes before Harvey went up. Today though, Harvey knocked on his door a little after nine when the kid still hadn't shown his face. Harvey had to make sure that he took his meds. Mike was buried below a blanket and only grunted as a response to Harvey's good morning.

"Are you going to get up?"

"Yeah."

"The breakfast is ready."

"Okay."

"Now, actually."

"I said okay!"

Harvey rolled his eyes a little and left at that. He guessed he could give the kid half an hour extra before he went back again. He had a feeling Mike wouldn't be up before that.

It turned out he was right, and he had to go and nag on the kid to get up three more time, getting annoyed on the third.

"I'm coming, okay! God! Stop will you." Mike whined. He turned up a few minutes later though, still in his sleep wear and refusing to look at Harvey. He quickly ate what Harvey had prepared for him, took the meds muttered something about being tired and disappeared back into his room again, closing the door after him.

Harvey couldn't help but feel a bit frustrated. Clearly it was something that was bothering Mike, but the kid wouldn't tell him about it. He decided to wait him out for a couple of days. Donna came over that day and he went to the office a few hours. When he talked to Donna that afternoon, she said that Mike had been normal. They hadn't talked about anything special.

The next evening Harvey had had enough. Mike had barely spoken to him for two days now, except answering questions Harvey had asked him.

They had watched a movie in silence , Mike had gone to bed without saying anything and Harvey waited only ten minutes before he went after the kid. He went into Mike's room without knocking and was a bit surprised to find Mike sitting at his desk.

"Hi. What are you doing?" He asked and sat down on Mike's bed.

"Nothing." Mike mumbled.

"We are going to have a little talk."

"About what?" Mike was sitting with his back against Harvey.

"About what's going on with you."

Mike sighed. "Nothing is going on with me, Harvey."

"Just drop it. I know something is bothering you. You can't hide that from me."

Mike sighed again.

"Turn around and tell me." Harvey said.

Mike obliged. At least the turning around part. He stared at the floor, looking tired.

"So?"

Harvey waited. After a minute Mike let out a deep breath.

"Okay, it's something."

"Tell me."

"It's the tests."

"What's with the tests?"

"I don't want to do it. It freaks me out." The kid had started to breathe faster.

Harvey shook his head a little. "Why do they freak you out? You have done them before."

Mike swallowed and pushed himself back a bit with the chair.

"Yeah, but I don't want to. I don't want to stay there overnight." He said then.

"They said it's probably only one night Mike. This haven't been a problem before." Harvey said. He was trying to understand where this was coming from.

"You don't know that! Just because they said it, doesn't mean that it will be like that. What if I have to stay longer?"

Mike dragged a hand over his face and wiped it on his pants. He was shaking now. It looked like he was on the verge of tears and Harvey didn't understand.

"Hey." Harvey said and moved a little closer. "What is this really about, huh? If you need to stay longer, you do. And when you are done you come home again."

He thought it was comforting but it had the opposite effect on Mike. Without another word he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands and started to cry in earnest. Harvey stared at him in surprise for a moment.

"Okay. Hey Mike. It's okay." He leaned forward and put a hand on Mike's back.

For a couple of minutes, they sat there while Mike sobbed uncontrollable into his hands. Harvey stroked his back and mumbled that things would be fine.

"I really don't understand your reaction right now, kid. It's just some test and a night at the hospital. You have done lots of those."

"But…but…" Mike hickuped.

"It's going to be fine."

"But I don't want to go, I don't want to go, I don't want to go." Mike mumbled over and over. "I just don't want to."

"Yeah, I get that. But you got to tell me why. Why is it different this time? Did they say anything about this earlier?"

Mike breathed out a few times and made a moaning sound that hurt in Harvey. He straightened up again and wiped his face again.

"I…I don't… I don't know. I'm just really freaked out about it. I don't know why."

"Okay. Well… We'll figure it out. Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes. Yes, I do. Can you stay the night too?" Mike had bent his head down and wouldn't look at him. "Please?" He whispered.

"Yes, if that's what you want, sure."

"I know I'm being stupid, but I'm just… I'm just really worried for some reason. I don't know. I'm freaking out."

He forcefully dragged his hands over his face, almost as he tried to pull something off of there.

"Well, don't worry. You don't have to worry. Of course, I can stay the night with you." Harvey smiled and wished that Mike would look at him. He leaned forward and pulled Mike towards him, chair and all.

"Come here." He dragged Mike up from the chair and got him to sit down next to him and draped an arm around the kid.

Mike was trembling against him, and his breaths were coming out all shaky.

"Deep breaths." Harvey told him as he stroked the kid's back. "Deep breaths. Everything is okay."

Mike started crying harder instead of taking any deep breaths. Harvey moved a little and maneuvered Mike so that he was leaning sideways onto his chest.

"Try to take deep breaths, Mike. I'm right here. Things are okay." He said.

That wasn't happening though, Mike wasn't calming down at all, and apparently refused to take any deep breaths. Harvey was starting to get a bit worried, and all sorts of thoughts flew through his mind. Had something happened in the hospital that Harvey didn't know about? Had Mike gotten some news about what was about to happen there that he also didn't know about?

Mike was almost hyperventilating now, and nothing Harvey said or did seem to be helping. What should he do? Was the kid having a panic attack right now? It was a possibility.

He kept running his hand up and down Mike's back and kept telling him to take deep breaths.

"You need to calm down, Mike. This doesn't sound good. Can you just talk to me? Where is this reaction coming from, huh?"

Mike didn't answer any of his questions, he just continued like before. Something was broken inside him, and right now he didn't seem to have the power to hold it together. Harvey hoped that he would stop soon though, otherwise he would be forced to call an ambulance or something.

They both sat like that. Harvey knew that he had to try and wait it out. He was worried of course but had a feeling that the best thing to do was to just wait. He had an arm around Mike's back and was holding one of Mike's hands, with a finger pressed against his wrist so that he could feel his pulse.

After what felt like hours Mike's breaths finally started to slow down a bit, and he wasn't crying hysterically anymore. He moaned a little and Harvey shushed him.

"I'm sorry." Mike whispered. "I'm sorry. Sorry." He wiped his face on his sleeve and Harvey immediately wanted to get it off him and into a new one. That was disgusting. He should have brought some tissues or something. But he hadn't been prepared for this.

"Don't apologize." He said now. "Maybe you can tell me why you are so upset over this?"

"I don't know. I told you; I don't know. Shit…" He took a few deep breaths, and Harvey could feel his body heaving.

"I just… I just…I think I'm scared." Mike said. He pressed a hand over his face.

"Okay. But about what? You got to help me out here. I don't understand what you are scared about."

"Yeah, neither do I. I'm just freaked out." To Harvey's relief Mike laughed a little. "Repressed trauma or something?" He suggested. "Some PSTD? A bunch of people at therapy have talked about that."

"Okay. That's serious though Mike."

"Yeah, but what am I going to do about it? I'm already in therapy, and it's not like I can avoid going to the hospital."

"But you go there all the time. It's not like this for you every time, is it?" Harvey felt cold at the thought.

"No, no… It's just that I don't want to stay the night."

"Well, maybe we can ask them to let you go home."

"Yeah?"

"And if they say no, I'll be there, and we'll deal with it together. Does that sound okay?"

Mike sniffed a little and carefully sat up so that they could look at each other. Mike looked absolutely terrible. His whole face was red and puffy.

"Yeah, that's sounds okay. I'm sorry for behaving like this."

"You really need to stop saying you're sorry all the time." Harvey patted his back a bit. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I keep telling you that, but it seems like you're not listening."

Mike smiled a little at that. "I'll try harder." He said.

Harvey shook his head leaned back against the wall. He felt how his heart was beating hard in his chest. He reached over and grabbed a hold of the back of Mike's shirt and pulled him back too. The kid was smiling, and Harvey felt relieved seeing that.

"Everything is okay, Mike." He said.

Mike sighed and nodded. "Yeah. I guess."

They sat in silence for some time before Harvey got up from the bed. Mike didn't move, didn't even look at him. He stared straight ahead and looked lost in thought. His face was still a bit flushed, and his eyes swollen. He looked exhausted.

"You can lay down if you want." Harvey said and pulled out a blanket. He patiently waited until Mike was lying flat and then spread it out over him.

He sighed to himself as he watched the younger man. Mike still took no notice of him. He would probably fall asleep soon. Harvey went to the kitchen to grab something to drink, both for himself and for Mike. Mike didn't want the water Harvey offered though and turned to lay on his side with his back against Harvey.

"Are you still upset?"

Mike was quiet for a little bit. "I'm just going to sleep." He said.

-SUITS-

Mike heard how Harvey pulled out the office chair and sat down. The he heard the faint sound from Harvey's fingers on the keys. It felt good that he stayed without him having to ask. He felt so grateful towards Harvey for doing that.

He didn't know what is was that made him feel so anxious about the though of spending a night at the hospital. All he knew was that his mind kept being bombarded with thoughts of thrill sounds from machines, the ventilator down his throat, the constant pain from needles being pushed into him, the smells, the constant sounds, the fluorescent light and constant questions. Then there was the vulnerable position he always was in, being forced to lay there as the medical personal wanted to things to him. It all scared him.

The test were two days away, and Mike thought that time went by very slowly. Harvey had been really nice to him the day after his little break down. He felt pretty embarrassed about it and had made a weak attempt at telling Harvey he was fine with the whole thing now, but Harvey said he didn't believe him at all.

"You are allowed to feel anxious about stuff. You don't have to explain it to me."

Mike felt grateful towards him for saying that.

He managed to keep the anxiety away for the two days, but he had another little breakdown the morning before they would leave. He made a fool of himself again and locked himself in the bathroom for about half an hour, until Harvey said that he was going to go and find some tools to unscrew the door, so Mike had come out then.

Harvey had hugged him and told him that things were okay. Things felt better after that, and they left for the hospital. To Mike's surprise, Donna met them by the entrance and joined them for the appointment. Mike felt so relieved. It wasn't often the both of them came with him, and he loved them for it. They were both great and one of them were always in the room with him. His doctor came to talk to him too. Apparently, Harvey had told everyone of this problem of his.

He had to stay the night, but it turned out that it wasn't that bad after all. Everyone was very nice to him, and he had gotten some sort of medication that made him feel a bit nauseated and drowsy. He fell asleep before he had time to start to worry.

When he woke up a couple of hours later it was dark in the door, and Harvey was sitting on a chair next to him, with his head tilted to the side, fast asleep. He didn't know why but he felt anxious right away. His chest felt tight and almost painful. As he was just laying there, he could feel that it was getting harder to breathe and he felt his eyes start to burn.

"Ha-Harvey!" He whispered. "Harvey, wake… wake up."

The other man jerked a little and flew upright on the chair. He groaned a little and massaged his neck as he leaned forward towards Mike.

"Hey. What's up?" Harvey blinked towards him in the dim light.

Mike didn't know what to answer, he just looked towards Harvey.

"Okay. You are not feeling so good are you." Harvey took ahold of his arm. "Try to breathe kid. Do you need a nurse?"

Mike panted a little and shook his head. Harvey being awake was probably enough.

"You are okay." Harvey mumbled next to him. "Everything is fine."

Mike felt relieved when Harvey grabbed his hand in his.

"Just try to relax. It will pass, you know it will. We just have to wait it out. It will be easier to breathe soon."

Mike closed his eyes and tried to only focus on what Harvey was saying. He kept his voice low; he was almost whispering. Mike squeezed his hand, and Harvey squeezed back right away.

After a couple of minutes, he was starting to feel better again. Harvey was right, and it was soon easier to breathe. The worst panic he had felt went away, and eventually he felt how he was starting to fall back asleep, still with his hand in Harvey's.

-SUITS-