Chapter 85.

As Harvey looked at Mike's sleeping form, he hoped that this was the last night he spent at the hospital. Mike's tests had gone well, and apart from that tiny panic attack the kid just had everything else had gone well also. He still had a hard time understanding what it was that Mike was so afraid about. Not that much of their hospital stays were connected with good memories for the kid, but to be scared enough to cry about it, he couldn't understand. Hopefully he had managed to convince Mike that things were fine though. The kid's hand was lax in his own and Harvey carefully let go of it.

Harvey had a hard time falling back asleep. The chair was rather uncomfortable and there were something going on in the hallway outside their room. Someone was crying heartbreakingly and rather loud. That sound made Harvey uncomfortable and he kind of wanted to go out there and ask them to leave. It just reminded him of the times when he had felt like doing the same thing. He had done the same thing. Cried in the hallway.

He looked at Mike again. The kid did look better than before. Some color had returned to his face lately, and the circle around his eyes were almost gone. Had he also gained some weight. The kid did eat better lately. He still complained a lot about it, but he did eat.

Mike was doing better. Thankfully those awful sores in his throat were gone now. That period of time had been terrible. Mike had been so broken, and Harvey had felt so helpless. Sometimes he even felt cruel when he had had to force Mike to eat when it caused him so much pain.

He didn't get much sleep that night and texted Donna that he wasn't coming in the next day. He needed to catch up on sleep. The next morning, she sent him a reply and told him she was bringing them dinner.

Mike was happy to go home and in the car on their way, he thanked Harvey for being there with him.

"I was just so messed up. I can't even explain it. Without you there, I don't know what I would have done."

"Don't worry about it kid."

"I'll try." Mike looked out the window the rest of the journey.

Harvey slept a couple of hours when they got home, and when he got back out into the living room, he found Mike on the couch with a law book in his lap. He saw that it was the one he had gotten Mike for his birthday.

"I thought you had read that already."

"Yeah, I have." Mike just said.

Harvey sat down opposite of him.

"How are you feeling?" He wanted to know, and Mike slowly put the book down on the table.

"I'm good, Harvey."

"Yeah, that's nice to hear."

"Yeah. I actually feel fine. Like I'm not in pain, I'm not tired." He smiled a little and Harvey smiled back.

"I've been thinking." Mike continued, but then didn't say anything else. Harvey rolled his eyes.

"About what?"

"I've been thinking about the MRI. Remember when I was so freaked out about doing it that my heart stopped."

"Is that what you are thinking about? That doesn't sound healthy actually."

"It must have been so scary for you." Mike said, ignoring Harvey's comment.

"It was." He said.

"Or that time when I threw up blood. Or had pneumonia. Or when I had to be on a ventilator. Or…"

"Where are you going with this?" Harvey interrupted him.

"I was so damn sick. I was dying. I died."

"I know. I was there."

"You were."

"I'm just saying that I was so sick before, and now I'm not anymore. And maybe, after I get the results, they will tell me the cancer is gone. I don't even know how to feel about that. It's weird."

"It would be goddamn fantastic Mike."

Mike laughed a little. "It would Harvey. And thank you. It's all because of you."

"You did all the fighting Mike."

"But you were there every step I took. You saved me over and over. I'll never be able to thank you enough for what you have done for me and continue to do for me. I know how much you have sacrificed and how much you have been forced to change. I just want you to know that I'm grateful."

Harvey nodded. "I know you are. And I'm so glad that I was successful, kid. I don't know what I would have done if… you know." He felt how he teared up a bit. "It hasn't been a sacrifice, Mike; it's been a privilege. And every change has been for the better, you know that."

Mike pressed his lips together and looked away. He also had tears in his eyes. He nodded.

"Thanks." He said quietly.

Harvey stood up, walked over to the kid and sat down next to him. He the gestured for Mike to sit up and held out his arms. Mike wiped his eyes and then fell into his arms. They hugged for a long time, hard. Harvey wiped his own eyes behind Mike's back.

When they let go Harvey kept an arm around Mike and the younger man sank down a bit on the couch and then rested his head against Harvey's shoulder. They spent some time like that, just sitting there next to each other in silence.

A week passed with things going good for both Harvey and Mike. Nothing bad happened. They got the results from the tests Mike had done, and it was thankfully only good news. They celebrated with Donna by going out to a restaurant, Harvey let Mike choose.

He felt so relieved when he was sitting there opposite of the kid, watching Mike laughing together with Donna. It was hard to believe that they had actually come to this point. He had thought a lot about the conversation he and Mike had had about him surviving.

Of course, Mike wasn't out of the woods yet. They all knew that, but the at least the test results had been good. There had been positive news from the doctors for the first time in what felt like forever, and there hadn't been any buts. Sure, they had said that Mike still needed regular checkups, that he still needed to take a lot of medication and that he still could have really bad days. He had also been told that he never would be able to have an athletic career. Mike had groaned out loud when his doctor had mentioned it. Harvey had laughed until Mike punched him.

But things were better. Mike was not deadly ill anymore. Now he was only battling the aftermath of it all. Harvey and the doctors had allowed Mike to return to work again. Mike was thrilled about that and kept talking about it constantly.

"I just feel good about it, you know. It's not like earlier when I kind of felt like he didn't fit in there anymore. You remember I told you that right?"

He asked questions, but never allowed time for Harvey to answer him.

"I just think that my self-confidence has improved a lot lately. Maybe it's because of the good news. What do you think Harvey?"

"Well, you were…"

"Did I tell you about what Louis said when I saw him in the breakroom the other day?" Mike interrupted him, and Harvey just shook his head and smiled.

After talking it through with Donna, Harvey had given Mike quite a lot of work to do. Mike was working about four days a week now, not always full days, but sometimes he stayed on the couch, resting and waiting for Harvey to be done so they could go home together. Mike had nagged Harvey about doing more and he had agreed. Harvey wanted to see how Mike would handle it, and Donna had reluctantly agreed too. To the surprise of both of them Mike had set some boundaries for himself and had told Harvey when he wasn't able to keep up. So, then Harvey had lessened the workload for him. Mike attributed it to the therapy he still went to.

"I have to take it slow. I don't want to overdue it. We have talked a lot about that. That even when I just want everything to go back to normal, I have to let it take time."

Harvey just agreed with what he said.

However, everything wasn't going only well for the kid. Harvey had been about to enter his office the other day when Donna had stopped him.

"Mike is in there." She said quietly to him. "Something is wrong. He didn't tell me what is was and told me not to worry. I think he is in pain. Here." She had then proceeded to give him a small chart of pills and a water bottle.

"Thanks." Harvey told her and went inside. He stopped in surprise though because his office looked empty.

"Mike?" He asked and heard movement from behind his couch. He walked over and saw Mike sitting curled up leaning against the back of the couch. He looked pretty pathetic, and Harvey was at once filled with sympathy. He sat down on the couch so that he was sitting right behind Mike. Mike still hadn't said anything. Harvey waited.

"I just needed a minute." Mike sounded tense when he eventually spoke.

"You need this as well?" Harvey asked and held down the pills and water bottle to him. He didn't look at the kid but after a moment the things were taken from his hand.

"Thanks." Mike mumbled.

They just sat there then with their backs towards each other. Mike then loudly swore a couple of minutes later.

"It hurts like hell. I thought it would pass but it doesn't." He said in a strained voice. "I don't know what to do." Harvey felt soft thuds to his back and knew Mike was banging his head towards the couch.

"You want to go home?" He asked. It was silent for a while.

"Can we?"

Mike suddenly sounded so hesitant and worried that Harvey had to stand up and walk around the couch. He looked down at Mike as saw him looking up at him with wide eyes. Harvey hated his expression, Mike looked like he had done in the beginning, when the cancer thing was new, and Mike didn't know if Harvey would have his back or not yet. He hadn't seen that look in Mike for a while now. He had also noticed that Mike had said we. But instead of saying anything he just nodded towards the door and then held out his hand to Mike to help him up.

Mike took it and stiffly got to his feet. Harvey had to remember to ask Donna how long he had been sitting there, as he grabbed Mike's arm to support him.

Mike was quiet the entire ride home and when they got there, he went to the couch and laid down and then just hugged his chest with his eyes closed.

Harvey suggested they had something to eat but Mike just shook his head, so Harvey left him alone. A couple of hours later though he tried again.

"No, I just want to sleep." Mike replied. He was still in the same position as he had been since they got home. He was curled up with his back against Harvey, almost hugging himself.

Harvey watched him for a minute. He then decided to sit down next to Mike and at least keep him company.

"Is it any better?" He asked after a bit.

"No." Mike mumbled.

"Anything I can do?"

"No." Again.

"You cold? You want a blanket?"

"Yeah. Okay."

Harvey got one and spread it out over him.

"You want some more painkillers maybe?" He asked and Mike said yes. When he turned to take them from Harvey's hand, he could see the pain edged in the man's features. Harvey waited until he was laying down again, this time on his back.

"Do you want to stay at home tomorrow?" He gently asked.

"Yeah." Mike whispered, a bit to Harvey's surprise. It must be just as bad as it looked then.

"Then we'll do that."

"Okay."

A couple of hours later Harvey came out into the living room again after having worked in Mike's room. He only had some lighter stuff to go through and figured he could do it in the living room. The kid was still on the couch, on his back with the blanket pulled up high and his hoodie over his head. Harvey couldn't see if he was awake or not.

"Mike?"

The younger man moved a little but didn't show his face, so Harvey pulled the blanket away. His stomach did an uncomfortable twist at the sight of him. He looked bad, with a flushed face and swollen eyes. Clearly, he had been crying. Harvey sighed.

"Kid, you need to call for me if you need help."

The only answer he got was a grunt, as Mike threw an arm over his face.

"Nothing you can do." He mumbled.

"I can keep you company." Harvey said.

Mike didn't reply.

"You never learn, you know that." Harvey muttered to the kid as he sat down in front of him. He reached for his laptop that he had left on the coffee table. He opened it and looked at the screen. Then he looked at Mike. He felt bad, he had known that the kid had been in pain and still he just left him by himself on the couch. He hadn't known how bad it had been though; he hadn't known it had been bad enough to bring the kid to tears.

"You would come?" Mike suddenly said. He still had his arm over his face.

"What?"

"You would still come, if I called?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I would come."

"Even now when I'm doing better and all. I'm supposed to be better."

"You don't look better right now, Mike. But what the hell are you talking about?"

He heard how Mike swallowed. "Nothing. I'm sorry." He said.

"No, tell me what you meant. Did you think I wouldn't come Mike?"

"No. Sorry."

"No." Harvey put the laptop away and leaned forward. He wished the other man would look at him. "We are going to talk about this. I want to understand why you keep doing this."

"Doing what?" Mike removed his arm from his face and looked at him. He looked exhausted and Harvey almost changed his mind. Maybe it wasn't fair to have this conversion now.

"You don't trust me to be here for you. You constantly question if I'm going to show up or not, even though I think I have proved to you that I will."

"I do trust you."

"You asking me if I'm going to come or not isn't exactly proof of that, is it?"

Mike swallowed again and looked away. "I was just…" He mumbled. "I'm tired."

"I don't care. Talk to me. Explain your thinking."

Mike wiped his eyes. Damn it, now he had made the kid cry. He should stop and let it go, but he didn't.

"I don't know, Harvey. Okay! Let it go."

"No, I'm not going to do that. Tell me why you asked me if I was going to come."

Mike let out a few deep breathes and again wiped his eyes.

"I was just worried, okay!" He was talking louder now. "I was worried you wouldn't."

"I get that, but why? Have I in any way implied that I wouldn't?"

"No, but I… I am better. Am not as sick as I was, and I shouldn't… I shouldn't keep asking you anymore. I'm just in pain now and… and I don't really need anything. And maybe I won't in the future either. And I should stop asking."

Mike looked like he was trying to stop himself from bursting into tears, and he swallowed hard and dragged his hand over his chest a few times, but then he continued.

"I should stop demanding stuff. But I just felt like crap, and I wanted company. I wanted you to tell me that it would be okay. I wanted you to hold my hand, like before. But I don't want to ask anymore. It's not like I'm dying or whatever."

He left his hand over his eyes now, and Harvey saw how he shuddered like he was crying.

Harvey dragged a hand over his mouth. He thought that he understood now. He felt sorry for the kid.

"I want you to ask." He said. "I want you to tell me. Just like before. Nothing has changed in that regard Mike. I want to be there for you, no matter what it is. I want you to get that."

He got up and sat down at the coffee table close to the kid.

"It doesn't matter if you are sick or not, kid. If you need me, I'm here."

Mike had calmed down and was listening to his every word. He slowly lowered his hand away from his face. He then moved so that he was laying on his side. He chewed at his lips a bit but didn't say anything. He hesitated a little but then held out a hand towards Harvey, who smiled a little before he took the kid's hand in his.

Mike's lips quivered and his eyes teared up again. Harvey felt how he held on harder.

"It's going to be okay." He said and earned a weak smile from Mike.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

Harvey shook his head. "Forget it. Are you in a lot of pain?"

"Yeah…" Mike whispered.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"You are staying then?" Mike asked, like the words just slipped out of him. He looked up at Harvey and he looked afraid. Harvey nodded.

"What did we just talk about?" He said kindly.

Mike closed his eyes and let out a few soundless sobs. He squeezed Harvey's hand.

"Sorry…" He whispered. "I just… I don't know why I asked that. I'm sorry. I just need to… I need to know. I don't know why. Please…"

"Hey, don't worry. I know, I know Mike. You are allowed to ask. Calm down."

The kid cried in front of him, and it was awful. Harvey was at a loss though; Mike always came back to this. It was his constant fear, to be left alone. And it seemed like no matter what Harvey said it was like he still couldn't trust that he would be there. Sometimes Harvey got mad at him for that, or at least annoyed. And sometimes, like now he felt that he understood. Mike knew too, he knew that he kept asking, knew what Harvey was telling him, but still needed the reassurance. Harvey could give it to him. He would do it every time the kid needed it. He knew that this was something else, something that didn't have to do with what Harvey was saying. Something that lay deeper within Mike, and that showed itself when the younger man's defenses were down.

"I'm here, kid." Harvey said in an attempt to reassure him. "I'm staying here with you Mike. It's fine. Everything is going to be okay."

"Thank you…" Mike whispered.

"Yeah."

Harvey sat there in front of Mike, holding his hand as he kept crying heartbreakingly. Mike held on so hard to him that it almost hurt, but he couldn't do anything about it. If he indicated in any way that he wanted to let go, it would break the kid even more. As it was now, Mike was breathing hard, almost panting and he had his other hand pressed against his face as if he wanted to hide.

It took several minutes before the kid calmed down somewhat. He stopped crying and breathed a bit better. Harvey still stayed next to him.

-SUITS-

That evening Harvey stayed in his room until Mike fell asleep. It was really comforting. He had been sad and in pain and having Harvey there next to him was exactly what he had wanted and needed. He felt embarrassed about losing it earlier, but Harvey had been great, so he did his best in trying to forget it and move on. As Harvey said, he was allowed to ask for help. And he was allowed to have bad days. Hopefully tomorrow would be better.

He slept pretty okay, and only woke twice during the night, once from a nightmare about his hospital bed being on fire. It was weird. When he told Harvey about it during breakfast the older man looked like he zooned out halfway through his story. Mike didn't care and just told him everything anyway.

Harvey was being nice to stay at home with him today. Mike asked if he wanted to watch a movie and Harvey agreed. They had a nice day, Mike took a nap, and the pain was almost gone by lunch time.

He still went to the hospital regularly for treatment and checkups. It wasn't as many visits as before now though and that was amazing. He had met with Dr. Jansson and a couple of her colleagues that asked him a lot of questions about his experience with the trial drug. Harvey had offered to come with him, but Mike had gone alone. Somehow, he was a little bit worried about questions about how he came to be a part of the trial, and he didn't want Harvey to be in a position to have to answer questions about that. Mike himself had been too ill to be aware of much at that time.

The trial was officially finished by now, and he was only getting other meds. There was still a lot of them, but a some of the pills were gone, much to Mike's joy.

Sometimes it was just so hard to believe that he was getting better. Sometimes it also felt like he wasn't. He was incredibly happy about having the sores in his throat gone too. It felt like as soon as those disappeared that his condition had approved a lot.

Another thing that he was happy about was that he actually enjoyed working more and more. The other day Harvey had complimented him on a job well done, and it had sounded like he really meant it. It had been something real he had done too. It had been real work, not just that easy stuff Harvey had given him earlier. Earlier when he had been to ill to be reliable. It was different now. It felt like Harvey thrusted him again to be able to get the job done. Even though he didn't work full time, far from it, he still managed.

At a recent hospital visit they had yet again talked about his work situation, and the doctors still wanted him to take it easy. He wasn't allowed to go back full time yet for some time. He needed to rest, needed to sleep a lot, needed a bunch of meds, and he needed a lot of other boring stuff.

He was getting less medication now though, so that was another good thing. Although they had told him that some of them, he would probably never get off. He figured that if that was the price he had to pay to survive it was worth it. He was going to be off some of the strong stuff soon though, and they said that it would cause his hair to start to grow back. Finally. Sometimes he just got sick of the hats he constantly wore. He refused to be seen without one still. He didn't think he could pull off the bald look, no matter what Harvey said.

At work Harvey had allowed him to go back and work at his cubicle. He had thought for some time there when he had been off work that they would give it to some other associate, but it was still his. He probably had Harvey to thank for that.

The first day there had been a bit weird. He had gotten to work together with Harvey at the usual time, and when he walked over to his desk, he had been the last person to arrive. Some had greeted him, others had stared. No one came over and talked to him though. Somehow, he had wished that someone would have. He felt like a stranger among them. He chose to ignore it, and just carried on with his work. After a couple of weeks, it felt normal. Even though it was awkward to not only arrive last, but to leave as the first.

Mike went to the therapy sessions every Tuesday. He enjoyed it most of the time, and the people there had started to feel like his friends. At times it was difficult though, certain subjects they talked about hit deeper than others. He had a hard time with talking about family. It often made him feel lonely in a weird way. He didn't really have real family, but he talked a lot about Harvey, because Harvey was his family.

They also talked a lot about guilt. That was another hard subject, because Mike had a lot of it. Much of it was towards Harvey. Harvey had done so much for him that he shouldn't have to have done. He had stepped up and taken care of Mike when he didn't have anyone else. He knew that if it wasn't for Harvey he would have died many times over, and it was hard to wrap his head around that sometimes. It sometimes felt like he owed Harvey so much that he wasn't going to be able to repay him somehow. He knew that Harvey didn't think of it that way, he kept saying that he had chosen to do it all, that he had wanted to do it. That felt good to hear, but his feelings were still there, and he was going to have to deal with that.

Another thing that he often worried about had to do with his new work situation was if he was going to be able to handle it. So far, the cases he had dealt with had been pretty easy, and Harvey had dealt with all the client contact. He was nervous about taking on his own cases entirely. He didn't feel ready for it, and they dealt with people's business and their lives, what he did mattered for them. He couldn't make any mistakes, and he worried that his health would get in the way of his ability to get the work done.

"You don't have to worry about that Mike." Harvey absentmindedly had said when Mike brought it up during a visit to he older man's office. It was almost like Harvey just said it as an automatic response. Harvey was so used to comforting him.

Mike rolled his eyes at him now, but Harvey had his eyes fixed on his laptop and didn't see it.

"You won't say the same if I do make a mistake."

"Sure, I will."

"No, you won't."

"Well, don't make any mistakes then. Then you don't have to find out what I will say." Harvey said then. "Didn't I give you the new files? Why aren't you working on that right now?"

Mike shook his head at the man and then left the room. He waved a little to Donna as he passed her on his way back to his cubicle.

A week or so later Mike got to found out exactly what Harvey said when he happened to make a mistake.

That night he had slept badly. He had woken up from nightmares a couple of times and had a hard time going back to sleep again. In the morning Harvey had asked if he was okay and if he wanted to stay at home for the day, but Mike had said that he was fine to go.

It was around lunch time when he noticed it. He had gone back to a document he had written and sent to the client, just to copy a few sentences from it, and that's when he saw the mistake he had made.

He felt himself tense as he read the paragraph again. Then again.

His chest felt tight, and he didn't know why. He stared at his screen and tried to understand the words that stood there. He had made a mistake. It wasn't a large one, and he tried to convince himself that anyone that didn't look for it would even notice, but still, it was a mistake. He knew and Harvey would know too as soon as he read it.

He swallowed hard and adjusted his tie. He wished that he could take it off, but that would be weird. He looked to the side of him, to the associate that was working there. Mike didn't know who it was. She was one of the new faces here that hadn't been here before his cancer. He hadn't spoken a single word to her, even though they were sitting next to each other. He had said hi one morning but she hadn't answered.

It felt like he couldn't draw in breaths properly and it was starting to worry him. He needed to calm down. He didn't know where this came from. Nothing had happened for him to feel like this. But suddenly he was just overwhelmed. And the mistake. He felt how his eyes stared to tear up and he hastily stood up. His chair hit the desk, and a few people looked up to the sound, including the associate next to him. They met each others eyes for a second but then Mike bent his head down and quickly started to walk away in the direction of Harvey's office.

He just needed to get away from here. Now!

He would go find Harvey or Donna. But Harvey said he had a meeting today; Donna would help him though. She had to.

For a moment everything around him was spinning and he stumbled into the wall. It felt like he wasn't getting enough air into his lungs. He pulled at his tie. What was happening?

Donna's desk was just up ahead. She could help him. But as he got closer, he saw that she wasn't there! Where was she? He pulled at his tie again, it was choking him. This time he managed to get it off and he let it fall to the floor. He pushed the glass door to Harvey's office open and practically fell inside.

"Ha-Harvey?" He said. And then stared at the empty desk. Where was he? Where were they? He needed them! Something was wrong with him, and he wanted help, but there was no one. He would have to deal with this himself.

At first, he aimed for the couch, but then ended up sitting down on the floor next to it, so that he was hidden from view from outside the office. He didn't want people that passed seeing him like this.

He forced his eyes closed, tried to breathe normally, and focused on his heartbeat. Was this heart related? He needed to find that out, he needed to know if this was a real emergency or not.

It wasn't. He was pretty sure of it. He tapped on his watch to see his heart rate. Sure, his heart was beating like crazy, but it didn't feel the same as it had on times when his life had been threatened. No, this must be a panic attack. This he could handle. Right? It would pass. He just had to wait it out. Soon he would be able to breathe again. All he had to do was wait and try to breathe. Try to force himself to calm down.

It wasn't easy. It felt like his chest was locked in a position too far in, like it couldn't expand properly. It didn't help much when he pressed his hands against it. He leaned his head forward and felt how tears ran down along his face.

It would end soon. It had to. He felt lightheaded. Was he going to pass out? Time just passed. He didn't know how long he had been there when he heard sounds.

"Shit! Mike!" It was Harvey. He felt a warm hand on his neck.

"Mike, talk to me. What's going on?"

He couldn't answer. Harvey shuttled around a bit next to him and then sat down beside him and trusted a water bottle in front of him. He could feel Harvey pressing against his side.

"Deep breaths." Harvey said. "Are you okay? Are you in pain? Is this hospital-bad? You need to answer me."

"N-n-no." Mike got out.

"This is what happens when I ask too many questions at the same time huh? No, what? No hospital?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." Harvey sat there as Mike clutched the water bottle in his hands. They were shaking too much for him to open it. He could feel cold sweat all along his back.

"You scared the shit of me, you know." Harvey kept talking next to him, even when Mike didn't answer. "Why are you sitting on the floor like this, huh? And why didn't you text me? Or call? I would have come right away; you know that right?"

Mike still couldn't answer, but he thought that the breathing came a bit easier now. Harvey's warm hand held on to his shoulder. He drew a shaky hand over his face.

"Here. Let me."

Harvey took the water bottle from his hand and as he did, he put Mike's tie he had been holding on the table. Next, he then put the water bottle back in his hand, now opened.

"Drink." He said.

Mike did. The first few sips he practically inhaled, which caused him to have a coughing fit, the ones after that went better. Harvey took the water bottle from his hands when he was done.

They sat there a couple of more minutes. Harvey kept talking nonsense and it calmed him down. His hand, still on Mike's shoulder had the same effect. Eventually Harvey helped him to sit up on the couch instead of the floor. Harvey wanted him to lay down, but Mike remained sitting.

He felt better again. Embarrassed, but better. He felt tired too, like he could sleep for the rest of the day now, and he hadn't even had lunch yet.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Harvey asked.

"I don't know." Mike said. "I don't know what happened. I just couldn't breathe all of a sudden. I think I screwed up. I made a mistake."

"Okay. But you can breathe now. What kind of mistake?"

Harvey dismissed it at once when Mike told him what it was, like he had known that he would.

"I don't care Mike. You can't be that hard on yourself. Clearly." Harvey smirked.

"It's not funny."

"I know. Do you want me to take you home?"

Mike hesitated. He felt exhausted at the thought of going back to his cubicle. He looked at Harvey.

"If that's okay?" He said.

Harvey nodded and stood up. Apparently, they were going right now.

"Thanks." Mike mumbled in the elevator.

Harvey lightly hit him on the arm. "I have a partner meeting later today, and you just gave me a reason to get out of it. So, thank you."

Mike laughed a little. "You're stupid."

Mike fell asleep in the car and woke up when Harvey shook his knee. Harvey helped him out and kept a hand on his back as they walked to the building. Mike didn't bother with telling the older man that he felt fine now. Instead, he let Harvey lead him over to the couch, help him to lay down and then watched as he draped a blanket over him.

"Do you want some tea? Lunch? Or do you want to get some sleep? Or should we watch a movie maybe? Or a show? I saw that the British sci-fi thing is available now."

Mike smiled and agreed with everything Harvey said. He was being so nice, and it felt comforting. He could sleep later.

-SUITS-

Harvey smiled a little as he looked down on Mike. He was laying curled up next to him with his mouth slightly open, fast asleep. He had lasted barely half an episode. But Harvey let him sleep, he needed it. And Harvey had known that it would happen.

He had been in the middle of a meeting with two other partners when he suddenly had felt that something was wrong. It was weird now when he thought back on it, almost like he had sensed that Mike needed him. He had discreetly texted Donna and asked her to go and check on Mike, but when she had answered that she was out on an errand and not at the office, he decided to do it himself.

Mike hadn't been at his desk, and not in the bathroom either and of course, he didn't answer his phone. So, after that he had went to his own office. When he saw Mike's tie laying on the floor next to Donna's desk, he had been really worried.

The sight of Mike didn't help with the worry. He was curled up, with his hands pressed against his chest and he was moaning quietly. Clearly, he was in a lot of pain.

He had gotten extremely worried for some time there, when it seemed like Mike couldn't breathe properly, but the kid insisted that he was fine. Or not fine, but he didn't need to go to the hospital. It had been a panic attack.

Harvey just took him home. He made them pancakes for lunch much to Mike's delight.

"It's just how my grandmother made them." He smiled. Harvey smiled back as he was putting pancakes on their plates. Mike didn't do anything though, he just sat there and kept looking at Harvey, with a strange look in his eyes.

"What is it? Something wrong?" Harvey asked and sat down in front of him.

Mike just shook his head. He was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

"Thank you for taking care of me." He said.

Harvey shook his head a little, just out of instinct. "What do you mean?"

Mike shrugged a little. "This. Making pancakes for me. Taking me home when I… when I panicked for nothing. Always being there for me when I need you."

Harvey nodded now. "You are welcome, kid." He said. "I'm glad to do it."

Mike smiled wider. Then he reached over for the bottle of jam, he took the spoon and slowly put some jam on his pancake. Harvey just waited. He had a feeling that Mike had more to say. Mike put the spoon back and looked up at Harvey again.

"I've been through a lot, Harvey." He said. "We have been through a lot. But you were always there. You are always there."

Harvey nodded.

"I'm better now though, it was just a bit of a struggle today. I know I'll have days like this. And I know that you will be there then, like you always have been."

"Mike…"

"No, let me finish. I'm on a roll." Mike smirked a little, but Harvey saw that he also was blushing a bit. "I just want to say this."

"Fine. Go ahead." Harvey felt a strange feeling inside, a kind of warmth that he didn't know if he ever had felt before, now when he looked at Mike.

"You know what the best thing you did for me was? The thing that always helped me the most." Mike asked him now.

"Eh... no." Harvey said.

"It was when you would hold my hand." Mike smiled a little to himself. "It really helped me. No matter how shitty I was feeling, or what I was going through, when you did that, do that, it always feels a little bit better."

"That's…that's nice Mike."

"Yeah. Thank you for doing that. I know it must have felt weird at times, but I think that often, that was what got me through it. Because even if everything was hell, I felt like shit and were in pain, at least you were there with me. You helped me get through it."

Harvey nodded. It felt a little like he had something stuck in his throat now.

"I just want you to know how much that and everything else you did for me mean. I'll never forget it. So, thank you."

"You're welcome. It was nothing, Mike. Of course I did that for you."

"It was everything to me. I'll never be able to repay you. But I'm going to try. Whenever you need anything Harvey, know that I'm going to be there."

"I know that, Mike." He reached across the table and patted Mike's hand a little. Mike didn't look at him, but he was smiling.

"You're a great man, Harvey. When I had no one else, you were always there. No matter how I behaved or acted, you were there."

"You mean a lot to me Mike. We're family. Of course, I'm there. Always."

Mike grabbed Harvey's hand in his this time and squeezed it a little. His hand was warm. After that they both sat next to each other in silence for a while.

"So, are we going to eat?" Mike then asked and let go of Harvey's hand. Harvey laughed and agreed.

As they ate, mostly in silence Harvey sometimes looked up at the kid. Mike ate eagerly and was on his third pancake. It felt good to see him eat like that, like a normal person. He still felt touched by Mike's words from earlier. He almost felt how his eyes burned a little, was he really so touched that he could shed some tears. He wasn't going to, but Mike had been so sincere.

They didn't speak much more and after eating they went to sit down on the couch, Harvey put on some TV show and Mike fell asleep next to him. Harvey didn't feel like doing anything else then just sit there next to the kid. He did get up though and spread a blanket over Mike, but then he sat down again. It just felt right to be there next to him. Today Mike had needed him. For a while he had been alone, and Harvey felt guilty about that. But it seemed like Mike hadn't focused on that. He seemed to be so grateful that Harvey sat with him and then brought him home.

Mike spent the rest of the day on the couch, sleeping or just resting. They had dinner, talked some more and Harvey accompanied Mike to his room. Without neither of them saying anything Harvey stayed in the room, sitting in the chair next to the bed. Mike was laying on his side, facing him. They looked at each other.

Harvey straightened up a little.

"Look Mike. I want to talk a bit more about what happened today. You said that you made a mistake."

Harvey regretted his choice of words at once because Mike's eyes widened a bit and he looked worried at once. Harvey held up his hands.

"I don't care about the mistake you made, I just wanted to talk about your reaction to it."

"Oh." Mike said and let out a breathe. "Yeah, I don't know what happened." He said thoughtfully.

"You know, it wasn't just my body that betrayed me, it was my mind as well. I got scared, I stopped trusting myself. At first, I had this voice inside me telling me that it wasn't a big deal, not really. But I just… I just couldn't deal with the problem, no matter how small it was. Another voice just took over and it felt like the word was ending and I couldn't breathe. I know now that it wasn't a big deal but couldn't handle it. And it just… I just needed you. So, you had to deal with it. I laid everything on you."

"Mike, you didn't…"

"Yes, I did. Like I have done this whole time. I depended on you for everything. Without you I wouldn't be here. Without you I wouldn't have made it. And I want you to know that I know that, and that you are an amazing human being for doing what you have done for me during all of this. Still are doing."

Harvey didn't say anything, he just looked at Mike.

"I just want you to know how thankful I am. I will still need you in my life, Harvey, for a long time. But soon, maybe not in the same way as before. Soon I'm hoping it won't be like today. Soon I hope I will just need you to be my friend. And my boss."

Mike smiled at him and Harvey smiled too.

"I think I can be both of those things. Come here." He held out his arms and Mike quickly sat up on the bed and fell into them without any hesitation. He wrapped his arm around Harvey as well, and for a moment they just sat there.

Mike didn't meet his eyes as they parted. He slowly laid down again.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep." Harvey said. Mike nodded and quietly thanked him.

Harvey found himself sitting there in the chair long after Mike's breaths had even out, and he had fallen asleep. He just felt like he needed it for some reason. He thought about what Mike had said, how he had thanked him for being there, and how sincere he had sounded. He loved the kid. And Mike was getting better. He could see it on him, and he suspected that Mike felt it. Even though today had been a bit of a struggle, Mike seemed to realize that things like that was going to happened. He had showed Harvey that he was aware of it and that he was capable of dealing with it. The kid had certainly grown, and Harvey felt like he had too. This experience had changed the both of them. Changed who they were, how they saw things and how they dealt with things.

Harvey quietly got up from his chair and left the room, leaving the door slightly ajar.

-SUITS-