I: Die Young
It was May of 1946. Heat had set in on New York City like a plague. The war across the sea might have been over, but things weren't any better here. Every day I see something that makes me wonder if humanity is damned no matter what the good guys do. Every day I see something that makes me wonder if there actually are good guys.
"The name's Jovani Joestar," I said to the detective.
"Oh, I've heard of you. You did good work back in the force. Why'd you quit?"
I didn't answer him. I just lit my cigar and let him wonder about answers he'd never learn. Finally, he broke the silence and told me what I wanted to know.
"The victim... She was just thirteen."
"Burns?" I asked as I exhaled a large puff of smoke.
"Yeah. Really bad. It's like the Devil accidentally took her body to hell with her soul, and then brought it back when he realized his mistake."
There was silence as he realized the implications of his statement.
"Not that I'm saying the poor girl went to hell or anything."
"Uh huh. Anything else?"
"No one saw anything and there aren't any signs of a break in."
"Let me know if you find anything else."
I handed him my card and walked away. I glanced back and saw the detective smiling like a fool. He had been doing that when I showed up too.
"What're you doing that for?"
He looked at me, confused.
"Why are you smiling so much," I clarified.
He blushed and it took him a moment to get over his embarrassment and answer me.
"Oh. I got a new girl. Prettiest thing you've ever seen."
Good for him, I thought. We all need someone to help us get through the day without going insane. I walked away without another word.
II: Something Wicked (This Way Comes)
"Are you Mr. Joestar?"
She was pretty. Just barely out of her teens if she was. She looked up at me with big hopeful eyes. It was too dark to make out their color. At first glance you could tell she was the innocent type. Even her voice sounded like that of a child who still believed in good and evil, black and white. Later, I'd come to learn she was a pastor's daughter. But at the same time, it was the type of innocence that made you wonder. The type of innocence that hides something far worse than you'd find in any person in prison. Little did I know...
"Yes, but you can call me Jovani."
"Jovani Joestar is such a handsome name," she said with a little giggle.
I didn't respond. I just waited for her to tell me why she was in my office.
"I have an issue," she said.
"Most people who come to me do."
"There are these men... They follow me around and don't leave me alone. They scare me. I just want you to make them stop."
"Stop, how?"
"I don't know. Just get them to stop, please."
When most people say something like that I would assume they're asking me to do a hit. Not that I do that kind of thing, usually. But not her. I doubted she would've ever considered that her words could be interpreted in such a way.
"Ten dollars to start."
She rifled through her little handbag for a moment before giving me the cash. I eyed her skeptically.
"My daddy gives me money," she said.
I took the money hungrily.
III: Startstruck
The girl told me her name was Emmaretta Lalena. 'It' told me she was lying, but not why. I should have ended things with her then, but she had already caught my interest. Lalena was staying at a hotel nearby and she was certain her stalkers would make an appearance that night. She wrote down the address for me, even the room number. I remember thinking she was too trusting. I sat outside the hotel in my car, waiting for the first sign of Lalena'a harassers. Several hours passed and I was wondering if the harassers were only a figment of the girl's imagination. I was thinking about going home and getting some more cigars when I saw the detective. His smile was even bigger and dumber than the day before. He noticed me and contemplated ignoring me before approaching.
"What're you doing out here, Mr. Joestar?"
"Please, that's my father's name," I said with a hint of disgust. "Just call me Jovani."
"Sure, Jovani. Say, I never did tell you my name, did I? I'm-"
"Joe Bouchard," I interjected. "What're you doing out so late?" I asked before he could say anything.
He blushed and an embarrassing grin crept onto his face.
"Well, I guess there isn't any point in lying. You can keep a secret, right?"
I put my last cigar into my mouth and lit it as I stared at him like I would a suspect who refused to confess moments before showing him what a hollow point in the knee felt like.
"Right. I'm visiting my girl. The one I was telling you about before. She staying in this hotel here," Joe said as he pointed at the hotel Lalena was staying in.
I could sense he was about to say something not worth listening to so I said, "Well you better get on to her then."
"It was nice seeing you, sir."
He practically skipped into the hotel. I was about to follow him when I saw another man slip into the alley. I followed him instead and found him climbing up onto a dumpster. I watched in shock as he leapt up and began climbing the wall.
He fell but before I could check if he was alright he was already climbing back up the wall.
"Stop right there!"
The man looked at me for only a moment before breaking a window and climbing in. He was climbing in through the third floor, the floor Lalena was staying on. I didn't even need to look at the words written in darkness by 'it' to know that it was Lalena's room the man was entering. I quickly scaled the wall and went through the window. The hotel was even nicer inside than I expected. Her "daddy" must give her quite a bit of money, I thought. I could hear a shower running and the man ran toward the bathroom. Shadows by the bed formed the words "He is Peter Criss". I shouted the name to get his attention so he would see the gun I was pointing at his head. I watched 'it' scribble the words "He will die" above the man's head. He couldn't see 'it'. That was a relief. Lalena called out, asking what was going on.
"I'm dealing with the stalker, miss!" I turned to Criss. "Get down on the ground before I blow your brains out."
"I love her," he screamed.
"She doesn't love you."
He turned and tried to run toward her. I decided I didn't want him to die, not until he told me about the other stalkers. I tackled him to the floor, halfway through the bathroom door. Lalena, who was dressed only in a towel screamed and blushed.
"Sorry, Miss," I said as I struggled to keep eye man down and facing away from Lalena. I had fully restrained him and returned privacy to Lalena when I saw the words "Another is about to climb through the window." I pointed my gun at the window and waited. A face peeked up, its eyes large and innocent.
"You can't have her! She's mine!" screamed my captive before running at the person outside the window and throwing himself at him. I followed them out the window. The size of the crimson pools of blood around their cracked open skulls told me neither had survived the fall.
I took a closer look at the second man. His eyes looked just like Lalena's, though it was too dark to tell the color.
Chapter IV: Big Eyes
Lalena said she didn't know either of the men. She paid me extra to make sure the cops didn't know that the stalkers were after her. Quite a bit extra. I used it to buy myself some nice cigars. Detective Bouchard ended up missing his date with his lady to deal with the bodies.
"If I help you with this," I said to him, "would you let me see one of those girls?"
"Fine," he said after some thought.
I told him that the one man was named Peter Criss and that he killed the other. "He'll believe any lie from you," was scrawled across the detective's forehead. Sometimes, someone's respect for you is a good weapon to use against them.
"It was over drugs. Someone else snatched the drugs off the body."
"That must've been one cold-hearted bastard," he murmured.
As promised, he showed me one of the girls. It really did look like she'd been dragged to hell and back. Her body was charred so badly that her limbs snapped off at a touch. Her face was still mostly intact, twisted in an expression of ultimate anguish.
Written across her scorched body were the shadowy words, "Her agony was someone's pleasure."
I wondered if that meant the attacker was in the flames with her. Surely he couldn't survive that. Unless, like me, he had gone into the Viper's Den and developed a stand.
"Were there any signs that her assault was of a sexual nature?" I asked.
"Jeez, man. She was just thirteen."
"You haven't seen half the depravity I have, kid."
"Well, if it was, any evidence of it would've burned in the fire." I nodded. "Are you done yet?" I nodded again.
"Sorry about your date getting ruined," I said as I stopped at the door.
"I'm going to try to see her again tonight. Take her some flowers or something." He drifted off into fantasy for a moment. "She really is the prettiest thing, my girl is."
He looked at me with eyes full of childlike innocence. I didn't remember his eyes being so big and innocent before. I looked closer. Were his eyes a different color?
"Say," I said, "what color are your girl's eyes?"
He blinked in confusion for a moment. He thought hard.
"Why, I don't think I know," he said, surprised with himself.
Chapter V: Lonesome Crow
"Thank you so much, Mr. Joestar," Lalena said. I cringed at the sound of that name but didn't bother to say anything about it. "But those two weren't the only ones. Would you please help me with the rest?"
"After last night... it'll cost you extra."
"Yes, I'll pay whatever it takes. Maybe, if it isn't too untoward to ask, would you stay in my room tonight?" She blushed. "Just to be safe."
I didn't like where this was going. 'It' writing "She intends to make you seduce her" across her chest did not help.
"Well..."
Before I could finish the door burst open and a man pointed a gun at me. I had been too distracted by Lalena to notice the warning written on the door.
"Emmaretta, I love you so much. It pains me to see it, but this bastard is taking advantage of you! He doesn't care about you! He just wants you for your youthful body and all its splendors!" Lalena blushed intensely while looking horrified. "Let me kill him for you, please, my sweet, beautiful Lalena!" the man screamed.
My hand slowly moved toward my revolver.
"Don't you dare move, you two-timing bastard!"
The man was sweating and his hands trembled, not from fear, but from sheer lust. I would have grabbed my gun and trusted 'it' to protect me but I was concerned he would accidentally shoot Lalena.
"I don't have any intentions for this woman," I said calmly.
I examined the man while I waited to make my move. He was short, only slightly taller than Lalena. His hair was long, black, and straight. It was identical to hers. Was this man wearing a wig to look like her? And his eyes...
"Come with me, my love," he said as he moved toward Lalena.
"Please, don't hurt me," she squealed.
"Don't worry, I would never hurt you."
He grabbed her around the waist and began pulling on her. I grabbed my gun but he was fast and shot first.
"Lonesome Crow," I shouted.
The bullet tapped my chest, burning a hole in my suit jacket, but 'it', Lonesome Crow, had stuck its hand out of my chest just in time to stop the bullet from meeting my flesh. Several more bullets were deflected before I blew the man's trigger finger off.
VI: Devil Mood I
I handcuffed the man to my desk and the police came. Lalena had once again told me to keep her out of it, so I did. In a move that seemed too clever for her, she told the man she would only love him if it he didn't say a word about her to the police and went along with the story I told them. As the man was being taken away Detective Bouchard came in. It took me a moment to realize who it was.
"Why are you wearing that wig?" I asked.
"Wig?" He stroked his long, black, straight hair. "This isn't a wig."
Lonesome Crow wrote "This man speaks the truth."
"But... your hair, earlier today, it was short."
"What are you talking about, Mr. Joestar?"
"Nothing. Never mind."
He was certainly shorter too. And his chest, it seemed larger than before. His face was softer, more feminine. Everything about him was different. Once the police were dealt with, I took Lalena back to her hotel and stayed with her. She continued to come on to me. I ignored her and considered asking for more money. Evening had fallen and I had run out of cigars. Lalena had gotten in the shower and Lonesome Crow wrote "Safe" in the air. I ran down to my car to get some more cigars and when I went back into the room Lalena was walking around in only a towel.
"Sorry, miss," I said, starting to back out and close the door.
"Don't be. Come in."
Her voice was different. It was more mature, it had lost its innocence. It had become dusky and was to my ears like a smoky perfume is to the nose. I went in cautiously. She turned around and revealed her dark makeup. I found myself drawn to her pitch black lips in a way I never would have seen myself being drawn to her, even mere moments ago.
"Come here, Jovani," she said in a commanding tone.
I obliged. She put her hand on my chest and began to stroke my tie.
"I know you want me. I want you too. I'm tired of waiting for you to make the first move," she told me.
She began to pull down on my tie, bringing my face closer to hers. I had forgotten about my job and closed my eyes. I did want her.
"I love you, Jojo," she said.
The sound of that name, a name only my mother had ever called me, took me by surprise and caused my eyes to open, just in time to see "Hers is the kiss of death," written around her approaching lips. I pulled away and pushed her back.
"What's wrong," she asked with her soothing, oh so alluring voice.
"Villainous intent surrounds you," was quickly scribbled in the air by Lonesome Crow.
I didn't know what was going on, but I knew I could make Lalena tell me.
"I know what you really want, woman." She cocked her head in confusion. "Now you say, "what do you mean,"" I muttered.
"What do you mean? I mean, how-"
"The jig is up. You might as well tell me what's going on before I embarrass you by telling you your own plan."
"I never loved you!"
That must have been their cue. All the people of "villainous intent" surrounding us burst in. Through the door, through the window, through the walls. They all, to varying degrees, looked like Lalena.
VII: Devil Mood II
I looked around at the mob surrounding me.
"What the hell is this?" I asked.
"This is the power of my stand, Devil Mood," Lalena said. She held up lipstick with the face of a cursed woman on it.
"So you've been to the Viper's Den?" I asked.
"Of course I have. If you were as good a detective as I thought you were you would have figured out my real name is Nina Miranda, and you would have know I had been there."
Miranda? That meant her maternal grandfather was the leader of the Padavona crime family. She would have been put through the Viper's Den as a teenager, same as I was. We weren't related by blood, but we were both members of the Padavona family.
"I knew you might be troublesome, so I wanted to kiss you with Devil Mood. Then, you would love me as much as all of these people."
"So your stand allows you to kiss people to make them love you and gradually become copies of you?"
"You've figured it out."
I felt awfully grateful for Lonesome Crow right then.
"But have you figured out my stand?"
"I know it must not be offensively powerful, otherwise you would have used it against my attackers earlier. However, it must still be fast and durable to have stopped those bullets. I also know it must have some ability that alerted you to the danger of my kiss."
I grimaced. And looked around at the crowd.
"Detective Bouchard?" I asked.
It didn't look like him anymore, but I was sure it was. He was now the same height as Nina and his face was more like hers than his. His padded chest had grown fully into breasts and his muscles had faded away to leave soft, smooth skin.
"Do what my girl says or I'll shoot your damn brains out," he said.
"Look at yourself," I said with pity, "you practically are your girl now."
I pulled my revolver and shot.
A less developed simulacrum of Miranda leaped into the way, apparently believing Bouchard to be his love. Bouchard shot at me but the bullets were deflected. The mob ran at me and attacked with all manner of random objects and weapons. Lonesome Crow knocked away attacks and I shot people down until I was out of bullets. I dropped my gun and took to using my fists. Lonesome Crow was good but it couldn't keep up with the amount of blows I was receiving and I felt them breaking through the defense. I tried to get to Nina, but the crowd wouldn't let me. I needed Lonesome Crow to give me a solution, but it couldn't while it was working so hard to defend me. I forced my way through the crowd and defenestrated myself. Lonesome Crow protected me from the fall and I started to run. Lonesome Crow wrote along the street "Nina Miranda can only be defeated by her own lovers." Of course, I thought.
As the mob caught up with me I shouted, "You know, only one of you gets to kill me, and that person will be the only one of you that Nina will love."
They stopped their charge and began murmuring among each other. It only took a moment before they all began to fight. I began looking for a way to push the real Nina into the fray. She glared at me from the other side of her self-destructing army. Her towel had fallen off in the commotion and one of her lovers noticed this. Overcome by love, or lust, he ran at her and tried to grab her. Another man broke his neck with a metal pipe and declared that no one would have Nina but him. Moments later the mob swarmed over her. They were all killing her because they refused to share her. I stood in shock at the brutal sight. Finally, they all stood around, wondering what they had done.
"Surely Nina is still alive," said one young man who still had a smudge of black lipstick on his cheek.
The crowd began to agree. Then the detective took the lipstick from Nina's corpse and put it on.
"I am still alive," he declared in Nina's beautiful, dusky voice.
He had come to look so much like Nina that they all believed him. He began issuing commands to his loyal subjects as they fawned over him.
"You will kill the detective," was written in shadows above the crowd.
I didn't want to, but I figured if Lonesome Crow said it would happen, there was no sense in fighting it. I entered the crowd and grabbed a gun someone had dropped. I shot the man who was once Joe Bouchard in the head and took the Devil Mood. The mob was about to attack but the police arrived in full force. I slipped away in the chaos. To this day I haven't told anyone what I did with Devil Mood, and I doubt I ever will.