Chapter 1: The Mirror of Another Life
The scream tore out of me before I was fully awake—a high, sharp sound that didn't belong to me. My hands flew to my throat, fingers skimming over smooth skin, no Adam's apple, no stubble. *?*. The room was purple, and decorated in band posters. *???* I kicked off the sheets, the hem of a pink nightgown tangled around my knees. *??????* My legs—slimmer, softer—trembled as I stumbled to the full-length mirror.
"What.. happenened?" The voice startled me. It was not mine.
The girl in the reflection matched my panic, chest heaving under a lace-trimmed camisole. Her hair fell in a wild chestnut tangle past collarbones that jutted too delicately. I grabbed a handful of it, yanking hard. Pain shot through my scalp.
Real. THIS IS FUCKING REAL.
"Krysta? You okay?" Mom's voice floated up the stairs, followed by footsteps.
I froze. *Krysta*. The name buzzed in my skull like a trapped fly. The door creaked open, and there she was—her face unlined, hair still auburn, not the brittle gray it'd been after Dad's funeral.
"Bad dream?" she asked, leaning against the doorframe.
I choked back a sob. Her voice. I'd forgotten how warm it sounded. How long was it? It had been years since I've seen her, she's so young. "Y-yeah," I stammered, my pitch unnervingly melodic. "Just… a nightmare." She smiled, oblivious to the stranger in her daughters skin.
"Hurry down. Jake's hogging the bacon again."
The room had a private bathroom, faucet squeaked as I splashed water on my face, droplets catching on eyelashes longer than I'd ever had. The toothbrush in my bathroom was purple instead of green, the handle glittering with unicorn decals. *Unreal. This is my old house.* I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to wake up in my room—the one with peeling hentai posters and sweat-stained baseball caps, the smell of bong water, and clothes that littered the floor-
But when I opened them, the distraught girl in the mirror was still there.
I fumbled with the bra on the counter—lace, lavender, maybe my size—hands shaking so badly, I threw it in the corner without a second thought. This was something I was not prepared to deal with. I should learn more for now and figure out what's happening. I rummaged the foreign room for any clues or hint as to who I might be. Inside a handbag I found a student ID.
"Wait.. this can't be right." As I studied the piece of plastic I was in disbelief. Birthday, October 15th, Bloodtype, 0, Krysta Vickards.
"Its...Me?" I didn't understand what I was looking at. This person's information was almost identical to mine. Everything but the sex and name.
"Krys!" The loud booming voice of a man startled me, "Breakfast!"
"Dad..?" I felt my blood run ice cold.
No way.
In half a daze, i made my way downstairs. The halls were familiar, i had lived here when i went to highschool. My best friend Ethan lived next door, and i would sneak out to keg parties, and Lena...
I rounded the corner of the stairs and could not believe my eyes: Jake smirking as I shuffled into the kitchen, his cheeks stuffed with pancakes. "Nice bedhead, *Princess*." He was way younger, maybe about 12 now. Healthy. And full of energy.
"Oh..uh hey, Jake? How's it going buddy?"
And then the nostalgia hit like a punch. Dad laughed, flipping a pancake with a flick of his wrist. He wore his favorite dumb trucker hat, like the one he'd been buried in. *Alive. What in the hell... He's..Alive!?*
"Sit," Mom said, nudging a plate toward me. Her hand brushed my shoulder, and I flinched. *Her touch feels the same*. My once familiar family now felt very alien to me. *What is happening? Mom and dad are still together? And Jake is a kid again?*
I stabbed a pancake, syrup pooling like my emotions. I studied it, half expecting it to turn into an eldritch horror right before my eyes, i was surely still asleep. Jake stole a strip of bacon from my plate, and Dad swatted his hand with the spatula. "Hands off your sister's food, ya little raccoon!"
Sister? The word rang in my ears. My fork clattered against the plate. I started to get dizzy and lightheaded, as this was a lot to take in.
"You're pale," Mom said, frowning. "Are you sick?" Her doctor instincts taking over, putting a warm palm to my forehead.
"I.." I lied, voice cracking. "Just… gotta use the restroom."
--
Getting dressed without was a challenge. I threw on a rather tight band shirt and some jeans. On the way out the door I clutched my backpack—covered in enamel pins I didn't recognize—to my chest, now overly conscious of the weight shifting with every step. Perhaps skipping the bra was a mistake. As i walked up the stairs, the boys by the bike racks turned to stare, winking. My face burned. *Never got stared at like this before.*
Lena waited at the top of the school steps, her skirt swishing around thighs that were now my eye level. "Kryyyys!" She hooked her arm through mine, her charm bracelet cold against my skin.
"JESUS FUCK!!" I blurted, half startled by the sudden contact.
"Woah sorry!" She jolted. "But you'll never guess who asked about you." My former high-school crush. She now clung onto me in such a familiar way one could only assume that we are best friends.
"Who?" I croaked, hyper-aware of our physical contact that was too causal for me. I couldn't help but getting flustered.
"Jason. Freaking. Choi." She giggled, twirling a strand of my hair around her finger. "He's been lurking by your locker all week. I think he wants to ask you out.
Jason Choi. In my old life, he'd stolen my bike in sixth grade. Now, he leaned against the lockers by the door, slicking back his hair as we passed. I tripped over my own feet. Lena caught me, her nails digging into my waist. "Smooth," she whispered.
Im gonna vomit.
--
Ethan was waiting at my locker, arms crossed, leaning like he'd been photoshopped into a teen magazine. His hoodie sleeves were pushed up, showing off forearms that hadn't been that defined when we'd built tree forts together. I hadn't seen him since Senior year in high-school. I had wondered what happened to him but ever since he had a kid, the dude just fell off the face of the planet.
"Thanks for loaning me your chem notes," he said, holding a notebook out for me.
"Thanks." I reached for it, but he tugged it back, stepping closer. His cologne—something smelly and unpleasant—flooded my senses.
"You look pale." he said, voice low. "You sick?"
"No, I.. am just a bit cold." The air was chilly and I didn't know this, and didn't dress appropriately for the weather.
He lifted his hoodie over his head taking off the enormous pullover, his musky scent being fanned over my face. "Agh! Dammit. Phew. Here ya go. You can borrow this."
He threw the hoodie over my shoulder. "You can give it back later today if you are still coming over to play Halo."
My pulse roared. We used to hang out in his bedroom. Alone. Would that be okay for me to do as a girl now? I dont think Ethan would try anything.
"Yeah," I muttered, snatching the book.
He smirked. "Sweet. Lets finish Legendary tonight."
School was strangely normal. All my classes and teachers were the same as before as if nothing had changed—even the events that happened. I didnt have much to learn because it is stuff i am already familiar with. I seem to be in some sort of a timeloop? As the bell rang, Lena dragged me to the girls' bathroom after school, reapplying gloss in the mirror.
"So, what's new, Krys?"
"Nothing much." I scrubbed my hands under the faucet, water sloshing over my wrists. I didn't know how to respond. Our relationship wasn't exactly the greatest, maybe that's why I Instinctively dodge her eyes. She popped her gloss shut, now giving me her full attention.
"Krysta? You've been acting strange this morning, is everything okay?"
I gripped the sink. *No. I'm not okay. I'm not even Krysta.*
"I'm fine," I once again lied, forcing a smile. "I'm ready to leave, im meeting up with Ethan."
Ethan had text me to just come on up to his room because his mom wasn't home until the end of the week. Which had made me nervous, I dont know what sort of relationship we have now. Surely nothings changed between us, much like school, right? I stomped up the apartment stairs leading to Ethans condo he shared with his mom. Ethans dad had left when he was little so it was just the two of them.
When i walked into Ethan's bedroom, it smelled like weed and ambition. He passed me a joint as I sat down on the couch next to him, his fingers lingering on mine. "Grape Ape" he said, dusting his fingers off. "It's the stuff Jason tried to sell me last week."
"Oh yeah?" I mumbled, as i took a hit. It was actually quite strong.
"I think he pinched my bag though." He leaned in front me, his breath brushing my cheek. He reached across me to the table, reaching toward me—for the Xbox Controller.
I recoiled, jerking away from him. His movement was casual, I dont know if its because of this body—but it had startled me. I felt like the walls started to close in.
He raised an eyebrow. "Um... You okay, Krissy?" He looked confused. His eyes searching mine, looking for answers I would not yield.
You know. The fact that I know your middle name is Thomas and you're scared of spiders and now im stuck in this girls body.
"Im sorry, I have to go." I put his joint in the ashtray on the way out. It could have been the pot, I felt like i was going to have a panic attack. "I just.. dont feel great."
"Krys—"
The doorbell rang as I walked out. 'But Pizza...' he mouthed, exasperated. I fled past the delivery boy on the way out the door, feeling like an embarrassment.
"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME!!?"
--
Mom was asleep on the couch when I got home, *Casablanca* flickering silently on the TV. I tiptoed past, but her voice stopped me. "Everything okay, sweetie?"
"Yeah," I whispered.
She smiled, eyes still closed. "Dont stay up too late."
Upstairs, I stripped off Krysta's clothes—jeans too tight at the hips, the Metallica shirt that showed slivers of skin— all of this I did with my eyes closed, embarrassed by my own features. I pulled on an old gym shirt from a team I'd never joined. My journal lay open, filled with beautiful chemistry notes. I had searched it for any clues, maybe a hint about who Krysta was? Anything. Something! "BZZZZZT"
A text buzzed.
Ethan* *aye krissy cakes, everything okay??? Did i upset you*
I chucked the phone across the room. It hit the wall with a thud, screen spiderwebbing. Outside, a dog barked. Somewhere, in another life, Kris was gone. But here, I pressed Krysta's forehead to the cool glass of the window, counting each breath, each heartbeat, each impossible second.
What am I going to do? Am i insane? I've heard insane people dont know that they are insane, and so they think that they are normal. Was i always Krysta..? I stared at the chemistry book, and i opened it up to a new page and started to write. Am i stuck in a timeloop? I doubt it will help, but i am writing in this journal as a testament to my own sanity. My name is Kristopher Vickards and as weird as it sounds, I have reason to believe that Im trapped in a timeloop. When i woke up this morning, i woke up in the wrong body—and I traced the grooves my pen had carved into the paper. If anyone found this they would surely think I am insane. Absolutely batshit crazy. The house creaked, a familiar sound from both lifetimes, but tonight it felt like a taunt.
I did not sleep that night.