Tasam1075 requested: "Sometimes forever doesn't last that long" Jeff (and Lucille) post avalanche - they did promise each other 'forever' after all

For not the first time, Jeff reached for the door handle, but hesitated, before his hand fell back to his lap.

Just move.

He would need to be braver than this later when he came back with the boys. They couldn't see him be too scared to step outside and see his wife's grave. That would just instill a fear in them too, and he didn't want that. He didn't need them to be afraid of facing this pain like he was.

Jeff tipped his head back against the seat with a sigh. The whole point of him sneaking out of the house so early was so he could keep his composure in front of his sons later. He wouldn't achieve that if he couldn't even step out of the car.

He took some steady, deep breaths to calm his racing heart. He had been here before. He knew what it looked like. He had faced that stone that was in place of where his wife should be. He had done this before, and he could do it again.

He reached for the handle again, and this time he didn't talk himself out of it.

Inside the car it had been quiet, but as soon as the door opened, he was hit with the sounds of birds chirping in the trees. He felt the soft breeze that made the warm sun seem slightly cooler.

At least it wasn't raining. It had been raining all week. It seemed apt that the sun decided to come out today.

He took a moment to take in a breath of spring air, before he began to walk.

He knew the route. Down the path towards the far side of the graveyard. He sent a nod towards a man he passed who was walking in the opposite direction, an unspoken knowing between them as the man nodded back and they both continued on their way.

His heart beat faster in his chest the closer he got, but now he was moving, he couldn't stop. Not until he had reached the grave and fell onto his knees in front of it.

"Hi, honey."

He choked out a sob, unable to say any more. For a moment, he just let the tears come, not even bothering to fight them. If he got the tears out now, he could keep it together for his sons later.

"Sorry," he eventually managed to say as the sobs slowed down, and he laughed wetly as he wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I came with this whole speech I wanted to tell you, and all I can do is cry."

He could hear her voice telling him it was okay to cry, and that made the tears fall again, a fresh batch that stole his breath and made his chest hurt.

It had been months, and he was finally having more good days than bad. He was no longer getting less than seven hours of sleep a week, and he had gone several days since he'd last cried.

However, today was her birthday, and he knew it would hit him hard. It was why he wanted to come here on his own whilst his boys were still in bed. He wanted a moment to himself, so he could talk to his wife, just the two of them.

"I miss you," he said when the new batch of tears slowed down. "More than I ever thought was possible."

He paused, waiting for a reply he knew would never come. Petals from the cherry blossom above them scattered her gravestone, blowing across her name, across the epitaph.

Mother. Wife.

Jeff let out another sigh. They had promised each other forever.

"Sometimes, forever just doesn't last that long," he muttered without realising it.

There was still silence. A bird chirped.

"The boys will be coming later," he let her know, in case she was wondering why he was on his own. He knew she would want to see them. "Scott wanted to bring a cake. I made sure we bought one from the store so it was edible. Remember that time he made us cookies?"

Jeff laughed softly at the memory. They had smiled through the disgusting taste in their mouths until Scott had left the room, which was when they had promptly spat out the cookies, if they could call them that. They vowed to not try anything else their son cooked, less they wanted to be poisoned.

"Not that I can judge him. He got that gene from me." That was why Lucy cooked most of their meals. God help his sons for having to deal with his and their Grandma's cooking these past few months.

"He's been really brave, and has really stepped up to help his brothers. You would be so proud of him. You would be really proud of all of them."

Jeff adjusted his position so he was no longer leant back on his ankles as his feet were getting numb. He crossed his legs beneath him.

"I finally convinced Gordon to get back into swimming. He has a competition coming up soon. He'll win, I know it." Jeff smiled to himself, but then a moment later that smile fell slightly. "Virgil still hasn't played the piano. I've caught him sitting at the bench a few times, so maybe one day soon I'll hear him play again."

He thought of his other sons, who may be waking up now and wondering where he was.

"Alan has gotten so big. He'll be tall like his mom. John too. I swear that boy has grown a whole foot in the last couple months."

Talking about his sons brought a whole other ache to his broken heart. He missed them. They should be here with him.

"I should head back home. Give my mom a break. You know what a handful they can be during breakfast."

Jeff reluctantly pushed himself up, his knees clicking as he stood. God, he was getting old.

He looked down at the gravestone. There were dying flowers that were from the last time they had visited. Jeff would leave them. His sons enjoyed changing over the old flowers to the new ones. He wondered which one would get the honour this time.

He leant down and placed a kiss to the top of the stone, his hand lingering.

"See you later, Lucy."

He didn't want to go, but the knowledge that he would be back, likely within a couple of hours, with his family gave him the motivation to straighten, and step away from the grave.

"I love you," he said, and then he turned away.

The sun shined on his face. Cherry blossom petals fell into his hair. The birds in the trees chirped.