20 Years later.
Rosalee was unpacking boxes in the shop when the bell over the door went off, she turned to find Adalind.
"Hi, how are you doing?
"Not bad, we're all going out to eat tonight with the kids and wondered if your lot wanted to come."
"We'd love to. How are Kelly and Diana, I heard they'd got back alright from that Council meeting in Germany."
"Yeah, I think they're having an impact, things are changing slowly but definitely in the right direction."
Rosalee paused slightly sensing that her next question was the real reason Adalind had popped in, "and how's Nick?"
Nick had made great strides in his recovery after the Zestorer incident and had been able to resume his police duties after a year of therapy during which he had helped Adalind raise baby Kelly and sometimes manned their kind of mission control surrounded by ancient books and manuscripts, helping Trubel, Hank and Wu on Wesen assignments.
But the torment of that experience never really left him and he was often plagued by nightmares, and the haunted appearance Renard had seen stayed with him to some extent despite his best attempts to hide it.
Which wasn't to say there hadn't been joy in his life. He had looked on as Kelly had grown into a fine young man and Diana had truly come into her powers and were now out there fighting the good fight and he was honorary uncle to Rosalee and Monroe's three great kids but how often those days still played in his mind as he lost them all over again and again and not just Monroe and Adalind but Kelly would be transposed into the memory or Diana or any of them until it was almost too much to bear, but he had a mantra when things got that bad which would see him through another day.
"I'll go and ask Rosalee tomorrow."
But then tomorrow came and there were crimes to solve and friends to meet and he never did, but he could and that was the point.
Adalind had often heard those words from him in the depths of half sleep or unguarded moments and of course she had dismissed infidelity out of hand. Occasionally she had brought it up with him but he had always changed the subject.
Recently, however, she had seen a tragic case of the Gevatter Tod about their work and how Nick had reacted. It wasn't surprising that he had encountered such a thing before, but it was the way he looked at them with a kind of desperate longing that made things click into place.
"Adalind let's go into the backroom," Rosalee said moving through a side door into the dispensary and closing the door.
"What did you offer my husband twenty years ago."
"I think you know what, or you wouldn't be here right now," said Rosalee softly.
"I told him that if it all got too much and he really wanted it I would call a Gevatter Tod for him, all he had to do was ask. He has never asked in twenty years."
"He often says he intends to."
"But he doesn't and that is why I offered; it is often easier to endure life if you know you could leave it easily if you really wanted to."
"What would you do if he did ask?"
"I would do it, I promised."
"What about us? Me, Kelly, Diana, you, Monroe? Don't we get to dissuade him?"
"It's up to him, he has endured for all this time, I don't believe he'll ever ask but I do think you'd do better to support him as much as you can than to actively confront him and pressure him to stay. That support will be enough."
Adalind met Rosalee's eyes and saw that she had done what she had thought best and maybe Adalind wouldn't have been able to enjoy all these years with him if she hadn't done what she did but she still wasn't comfortable with it.
How was she going to pretend like she didn't know that her husband could be taken from her at any time?
But she had seen the real depths of his despair in that first year and even then he had held on for them, he hadn't taken Rosalee up on her offer. Despite what he still experienced and what he may say in his darkest moments he truly was in a much better place now. She really didn't understand; why did he feel he still needed the reassurance of an easy way out?
As though she had been reading her mind Rosalee said, "it's not just those who've been through what he has that can think like this, the near limitless human capacity for procrastination can sometimes work in our favour. By taking things one day at a time, telling ourselves we can always leave tomorrow can allow some people to almost inadvertently live a full, mostly happy life. It's not quite as bleak as it sounds, the thoughts may remain but they are ultimately subsumed by other immediate concerns whether they be family, friendships, or simple hedonism.
Maybe one day he will take me up on my offer but I'm almost certain that it would take your sudden death at the very least and probably that of Kelly and Diana as well before he would even approach me for it."
Adalind decided to accept Rosalee's arguments and relaxed somewhat. One day at a time; if that was the slow pace Nick needed to work on then she could match that. She wished Nick and Rosalee had been able to be utterly honest with her at the start so she could have supported him better over the past two decades but she understood now why they couldn't. She knew exactly what her reaction would've been at the time and with the benefit of hindsight she could see that that would have done nothing to help him.
Rosalee opened her arms to offer a hug and Adalind gratefully accepted it.
"I know you know this but you can always come to me if you need someone to talk to."
Adalind slowly pulled away, sniffling slightly, "I know, thank you."
Rosalee handed her a tissue, "would you like to help me finish up here? I'm almost done," she said to change the subject and offer a distraction.
Adalind nodded.
That evening the nine of them were happily gathered round a table in their favourite restaurant enjoying good food, wine and company, telling each other about recent events both Wesen related and mundane, new fascinating cases and reminiscing about old ones. And for even just a few hours Nick didn't feel the burden so heavy on his shoulders, shared as it was oh so willingly by all those round the table, and also by his other friends who were elsewhere but seemed nonetheless with them in spirit.
He absented himself from the conversation as he observed the laughing, smiling faces of his friends and family. There was still a part of him that told him that he had fulfilled his obligation to them, his children were grown now he could retire not only from Grimm work but from the life that had plagued him with such terrible visions, but he quite liked having the little discrete cases to solve, the bulk of Wesen politics being covered by Diana and Kelly these days. The fight against the criminals and the agitators of all stripes still went on indefinitely but he didn't feel the futility so deeply anymore.
He would keep his mantra, because he knew there would still be those days and maybe one day something so terrible would happen that would make him go through with it but here and now everything was good. More than good, tonight was perfect.
Adalind noticed he'd gone quiet and caught his eye, by her look he knew that she knew but he just smiled at her and took her hand, nothing could spoil this moment.