CHAPTER 22

McGonagall is waiting in her classroom when all of us students arrive for Transfiguration. Regrettably, I cannot visit Severus until my free period after this class, and the visit can only be to his office rather than his quarters, which is better than not seeing him at all but is still disappointing because I had hoped to spend a few hours hidden away with him.

Itching with anticipation to see him, I sit as patiently as possible through McGonagall's class, only catching myself tapping my fingers against the table three times. The class seems to go by more slowly because, thanks to McGonagall's lessons with me last year, Conjuration is a simple task for me now. While grateful for her help and for the reduction in homework such lessons have granted, today I regret it because I need time to move more quickly, which does not happen when bogged down with boredom.

When class finally ends, I actually breathe a sigh of relief. Daphne watches me curiously. "What's going on?"

"I have a meeting."

She frowns. "Well, then I'll see you later."

"Yeah."

I rush out of the classroom and through the corridors, my heart beating frantically, excitement vibrating through me. Why am I so excited? It's not like I don't typically see him several times throughout the week.

"Where're you going?" a voice calls after me as I start down the stairs. "Where're you going?" Keep walking, keep walking, don't turn around, Severus is waiting. My heart jumps happily at the thought, and in that moment, a pair of hands grabs me by the shoulders and shoves me face-first against the wall. "I don't care if you are chosen of the Dark Lord. You will answer me when I call after you, you got that?" Amycus spins me around to force me to face him.

"You're not supposed to lay a hand on me anymore, remember that?"

In a blur Amycus's hand smacks my cheek, and I yelp with both surprise and pain. He grabs me by the chin and forces me to look at him. "You listen to me, those little brats in Dumbledore's Army are making my life a living hell. You continue to hold back information on them, and you're going to feel a fearsome wrath, the likes of which you have never seen."

"Beat me all you want, Amycus, nothing you do hurts as badly as what the Dark Lord does. You don't scare me."

He shifts his hands to my throat and squeezes, crowding into my space and sending fingers of fear wrapping around my heart. In my head, I hear the words he said to Alecto about how he hopes to use me, and my heart starts thundering in my chest. "Don't test me, Rodgers. You won't always be the Dark Lord's plaything, and he won't always protect you."

"You've got that wrong. I have a better standing with the Dark Lord than you," which is a lie, "and as such, I will turn you over to him." My legs begin trembling beneath me. "Let go of me, or the first thing I do when I return to the manor in a few weeks is tell Bellatrix how you put your hands on me."

He releases me and takes a larger-than-necessary step back, allowing me move around him and head toward Severus's office again.

"Find out what I want to know about that little Army, or you'll regret it!"

Swallowing down the bile in my mouth, I catch a glimpse of Goyle, who likely heard my whole exchange with Amycus, rushing down the corridor. Though that's not ideal, I am more interested in speaking with Severus than stopping Goyle.

Just outside the door to his office, I compose myself as much as possible and rub my cheek where Amycus slapped me. Despite my best efforts to rein in my emotions, Severus notices immediately, his face asking the question before his mouth can form the words. "Amycus put his hands on me," I answer his unasked question, touching my neck. "He warned—he warned that the Dark Lord won't always be protecting me as his . . . plaything."

The knuckles on his hand holding his quill go white. "I'll handle him," he says softly.

"Thank you. I also told him I'll be reporting him to Bellatrix." The anger on his face lessens slightly, becoming a bit amused at my threat because he undoubtedly knows that she tortured the Carrows once already for how they treated me. I close my eyes for a moment and take in a deep, calming breath. "Sorry for the intrusion," I say, taking a seat in front of his desk. "I need a refill of the calming potion if you can make that happen."

His shoulders sag slightly, no doubt disheartened by how frequently he must refill this for me. "What happened?"

I shrug. "Started thinking too much about the future while talking with McGonagall."

He just nods slightly. "Is there anything else?"

My heart plummets at the realization that this truly is going to be a short visit with him. "One thing, actually. I was thinking—what if I went to visit Tonks and her family? Lupin is a part of Potterwatch, and perhaps he knows some things that the Dark Lord is keeping from us? I could learn more about what's going on from the other side of the war. We hear mostly what the Dark Lord wants us to."

Though he clearly knows I just want to visit Andromeda again, he says, "Yes, that might actually be advantageous for us. When were you trying to go?"

"Whenever you think it'd be best. I'd likely need an impersonator again."

He grins. "Yes, that would be wise. Besides, removing yourself from Hogwarts for reasons other than going to the manor might be good for you."

"Thank you."

"Let me work out a time that would be best, and I'll let you know."

For the next couple of days, Severus and I exchange brief letters throughout the day via the Hogwarts owls while trying to work out a time for me to escape the castle and visit Andromeda—I will be going this Friday before dinner.

Part of his insistence on being in contact more often likely stems from the fact that I asked for a refill of the calming potion, and while communicating with him more often has been such a fantastic change of pace for me, there's a part of me that fears McGonagall might be growing suspicious that something is going on. She eyes me closely each time an owl drops a letter to me, but as she has not yet questioned me, I choose to believe that there's simply no way she could ever guess.

When Friday finally arrives, most of my day is spent in a whirl of joy. I can't keep the smile from my face, and though my friends do not question it, it's very clear that they are curious. After waving goodbye to them with the claim I will not be eating dinner tonight, I practically skip to the second-floor girls' bathroom, pulling out Alphard's pocket watch once the door is closed behind me and starting my countdown. Three minutes. Butterflies tickle my stomach.

"Running off again?" a voice asks. Slowly, debating whether to already draw my wand and prepare for a fight, I turn around and find both Crabbe and Goyle pointing their wands at me. "You didn't think we would just forget about you snitching to the Carrows about us, did you?"

I roll my eyes. "And I'll do it again. And what d'you think is going to happen when the Carrows find out you've been attacking me again?" My feet lift off the floor, and a force shoves me backward into the wall. I groan and hold my hip, trying to act as if that didn't hurt as badly as it did. "I don't have time for this."

"Is that so?" Crabbe laughs. "Just what've you got planned?"

"I bet if we wait long enough, we'll find out," Goyle says.

Still on the floor, I glance at the pocket watch. Two minutes. "I really don't have time for this."

Crabbe and Goyle look to one another, laughing. "And just who are you meeting here?" Goyle asks. "What are you so keen on not missing?"

"What makes you think I'm meeting anyone?"

"If we wait, I'm sure he'll come, won't he? Or she'll come, whichever. So, who is it? Who should we tell the Carrows is meeting with you in private? Who should we warn them about? We know what you are, Charlotte—our fathers have told us."

"Oh really? I bet the Dark Lord would be pleased to know that his secrets are being shared by second—no, third—tier Death Eaters."

Goyle snarls. "Is it Longbottom? Finnigan?"

"A Hufflepuff perhaps?" Crabbe suggests.

"You're certainly assuming quite a lot."

Crabbe glances at Goyle. "Get her."

Goyle begins lumbering toward me, bending over me, and immediately a fear strikes me, a fear so similar to when Voldemort comes toward me that I panic and whip out my wand to blast him with a spell. He flies against the sinks and grunts angrily as I throw a shield around myself. "I suggest you leave now." One minute.

Goyle, still growling at the pain in his back, points his wand at me again. "Crucio!"

The sink jerks itself off the wall and takes the curse for me, and a fury grips my heart so strongly that for a second too long I debate casting the Killing Curse at him but just manage to keep it at bay and stop myself. I will not be Cruciated. Not now. Goyle tries again with the Cruciatus Curse, but I dodge out of the way, rolling on the dirty floor and coming back up on my knees and shouting the only other curse that comes to my mind through this anger. "Sectumsempra!" The invisible force slices into his thigh, sending blood pouring from his wounds and spilling onto the floor. Screaming in pain, he collapses to his knees, holding his leg. Regrettably, the sound of his agony brings a smile to my face. I Stun Crabbe as he runs over to check on Goyle. Then I Stun Goyle and Disapparate as fast as possible.

"You're running late," Severus says to me, a victorious smile on his face. "And after all the grief you—what's happened?"

"I was attacked," I growl, panting. "Crabbe and Goyle ambushed me in the bathroom and tried to Cruciate me. I used Sectumsempra."

He vanishes without a word, and I sit down on the foot of his bed, my face in my hands. With any luck, he will get there in time to stop the bleeding. I probably should not have used that particular curse, but he attacked me first, which makes my actions feel justified. To me, at least. I should feel guilty about this. Yet I don't.

Severus appears in the room nearly fifteen minutes later. "He'll be fine." I nod, not wanting to speak. "He's now in the hospital wing. The Carrows have been informed. Unfortunately, those two seventh-year Slytherin boys got into a fight with one another—probably about some girl, if their idle ramblings are to be believed. Their memories are unclear about the attack. They're not really sure why they turned on one another."

I sigh with relief. At least no one has to know the part I played in this. I stand and wrap my arms around his neck. "Thank you."

Something in the top of my head stings suddenly, and I pull away from him to see a strand of my hair in his hand. "I'll need to take your place again on the off chance that the Carrows want to ask you about what happened."

"Thank you, truly." He means so, so much to me. I take a short breath and say, "I know I—I could've made things very difficult for you just now, and I'm sorry. I . . . I couldn't have made it through these past months without you."

His brow furrows. "You make it sound like one of us is dying."

"If the Dark Lord has his way, I will die," I say, "and if that happens any time soon, I . . . I just wanted you to know."

He lifts my chin with his hand and grins at me. "You always sound like I've done this great courtesy for you, but in reality, I've relied on you just as much, if not more, than you have relied on me."

"You give me too much credit."

"Never."

I give him a quick kiss. "I should probably get going, then, shouldn't I?"

He nods. "Give them my regards."

"As if they'd want that." I catch sight of him smirking as I Disapparate.

A smile growing on my lips, I walk toward the door and knock on it. After some scrambling around inside, Andromeda's voice impatiently asks, "Who is it?"

"Charlotte."

"How do I know it's you?"

"Uh . . . I'm your niece. When Bill and Fleur's wedding was attacked, I came here and attacked the Death Eaters who were torturing you. I came here after I told my father who I really am, and you let me stay the night. I left in the early hours of the morning and—"

The door opens, and, just like every time I've seen her, I almost lose my breath at the sight of Andromeda, who looks so eerily like Bellatrix. "And you left three Galleons as if we're some kind of bed and breakfast," she says with a smile, waving me inside with a flick of her head. As I pass her, three Galleons are placed into my palm, and she puts a warm hand on my shoulder. "Your money's no good here."

"Right," I say, my cheeks reddening. "I wasn't sure, and I left so abruptly that I didn't want you to think that I had used you. Leaving payment seemed like the only logical solution at the time."

"Doesn't seem too logical anymore, does it?"

"Not really." I slide the Galleons into my pocket.

"How did you get out of Hogwarts?"

"I was at the manor. Got into a fight with Bellatrix," I lie. "She thinks I went back to Hogwarts. Snape thinks I'll be at the manor for a short while longer. The Dark Lord wants Bellatrix to try to change my convictions."

Andromeda closes the door behind me. She and Tonks are not here alone, and for a moment I'm struck speechless when I see, sitting beside Tonks, none other than the Weasley twins themselves. They grin at me. "Good to see you, Charlotte," Fred says.

"Good to see you too."

Tonks's belly protrudes outrageously, and I smile once noticing it. A little Lupin-Tonks child running around will do the world some good. "How's everything going?" I ask, gesturing toward her belly.

"She's still eating everything," Andromeda says, her eyes full of love as they look at her daughter.

Tonks cuts an annoyed look at Andromeda, who only smiles back. "I'm doing fine. Some days are better than others, but I guess that's how it goes. And yourself?"

I think of Severus and my father and my friends. "Things aren't as bad for me right now as the Dark Lord would probably hope." Those around me seem genuinely pleased to hear this. "Where's Lupin?"

"He should be here soon," Tonks says.

Despite all of the work they put into Potterwatch, Fred and George surprisingly don't know much about the Golden Trio's whereabouts. Their location doesn't really concern me much though, because wherever they are, they're likely doing something worthwhile. As long as they're alive, the details of their excursion mean very little to me. Besides, Severus probably isn't expecting me to arrive with loads of useful information anyway because he knows that coming here for information was more of an excuse to visit Andromeda than anything. Perhaps he's so willing to allow me time around her in hopes that her presence will make it easier for me to not be fooled by Bellatrix.

Andromeda talks quietly to me while Tonks and the twins prattle on about the war. "What happened to your father after you told him the truth?"

I sigh, and her eyes widen a bit as if knowing that whatever I'm about to say is not good. Then I plunge into the story. She grunts in frustration when she hears that Bellatrix ratted us out to the Dark Lord, but when I reach the part about Azkaban, she stops me. "You didn't."

"I had to save him."

"Charlotte—"

"I know, I know. It was dangerous. McGonagall already lectured me."

"You went to Azkaban?" Tonks asks, sitting up a little bit straighter. Until then, I hadn't realized that she and the twins had stopped talking and were listening to my conversation with Andromeda.

"It's not as horrifying when—" I stop abruptly. "It wasn't that bad. We weren't there long."

Andromeda clenches her jaw, a look in her eye so intense and so familiar to Bellatrix that I almost fear her for a second. "They put you in Azkaban?" she asks, her voice strained.

"What? No, I—"

"You don't have to lie to me, Charlotte."

I swallow. "It was punishment for . . ." I glance at Fred and almost feel guilty. "It was punishment for falling in love with a Muggle-born. He killed—" I shake my head, pushing the thought away, unwilling to let myself picture it again right now. My aunt's hand comes to a rest on my leg. "Anyway, I'd rather not talk about it." She nods understandingly. "With some help from some others, I was able to break Rodolphus out. The Dark Lord doesn't know who helped me. Now my father's in hiding."

The door opens, and Lupin enters, saving me from having to say more about Azkaban. Immediately, he walks to Tonks kisses her, then nods at the twins and Andromeda and me. He takes a seat beside his wife, and George says, "Speaking of people in hiding, did you hear about Katie Bell?"

This piques Lupin's interest. "I'm afraid I haven't."

"Lee—Lee Jordan—was in contact with her a few weeks ago," George says. I only know of Katie because of the original D.A., but I never knew her well because we never really spoke much. "She was telling him about her Muggle neighbors and how some Death Eaters were attacking them. She and her father did their best to fight them off. There were only a few, but the Death Eaters did some damage. She and her father cast protective spells over the Muggles and split town with her mother. They come back very rarely, if ever."

My heart kind of aches for her. Leaving behind everything is never easy. At least she's got some loving parents, a voice hisses in my mind. "It's stories like those that should be printed in the Daily Prophet," Andromeda says. "You-Know-Who has so much hold over the Ministry. At least we had The Quibbler, but now even that is hard to come by since Lovegood's daughter was taken."

"Which is dreadful in and of itself," Lupin says, placing his hand on his wife's bulging belly. "I can't imagine what the poor man must be suffering through right now."

We're all silent for a few seconds before I say, "If it's any consolation, I've seen her, and she's all right. Well, not all right, but she's not suffering. She's at Malfoy Manor. In some magic-blocking cellar they like to store annoyances in."

"How do you know that?" George asks.

"I've seen her. I couldn't free her, or the Dark Lord might have done worse to her. But she's not in Azkaban. She's just . . . stuck there."

"And you're sure it blocks all magic?" Lupin asks.

"When I was in there, the only magic I saw was that of the house-elves, but I don't know if that was a special thing they allowed for just their elves or not," I say. Andromeda looks at me sadly and places her hand on my shoulder. I pat her hand gratefully, kind of awkwardly. "Anyway, she's not being tortured or anything, I don't think."

Lupin nods appreciatively.

"Any word from Ted?" Fred asks quietly.

A sad shadow casts itself over Andromeda's eyes. "We got news from him at end of last month but haven't heard anything since."

Tonks leans against Lupin and closes her eyes, and I instinctively take Andromeda's hand and give it a squeeze, unable to imagine what it would be like if Severus was on the run and I was unable to speak with him or even know whether he's alive and well.

Andromeda takes a deep breath and seems to exhale her sadness. "Well," she says, her tone much lighter than it probably should be right now, almost as if she's forcing herself to sound happier, "the three of you"—she looks between me and the twins—"must be hungry." As if on cue, my stomach growls. "I'll take that as a yes. Why don't we move this conversation to the kitchen? I've already cooked." She looks at her daughter and her son-in-law. "You two must be hungry as well."

"When are we not these days?" Tonks laughs, struggling to stand to her feet but swatting away Lupin's hand because she wants to do it herself. "Where's the food?"

Our conversations after that are much lighter, no one wanting to deal with the fact that we're truly at war right now. Everyone needs to take a break from the stress every now and then.

I only stay about an hour before saying, "I should be getting back to the castle." I say my goodbyes to everyone, lingering a little longer with Andromeda than is entirely necessary. With cloudy eyes, I Disapparate, right back to Severus's private chamber as instructed.

He is sitting on his sofa when I arrive. "Thank you so much for letting me go," I say with a broad smile. "It was actually really nice and—"

"Charlotte—"

"Fred and George were there, and Tonks—"

"There's—" he says, standing to his feet.

"She's so close to giving birth, Severus, and she's so, so happy, and I'm so happy for her because she deserves this, you know."

"I need—"

"I mean, I know you don't like Lupin, but he seems like he's going to be a good father. You should see the way he—"

"Charlotte!" His snappy tone finally cuts me off. He comes toward me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

My heart drops when I see the look in his eyes. "Severus, what's happened? Is it my father? Daphne? What is it? Are you all right?"

"It's Ted Tonks."

The breath is sucked out of my lungs. "What?"

"He was killed resisting capture, along with Dirk Cresswell and the goblin Gornuk."

All warmth is drained from the room immediately. Dementors could very well be beside me again. The joy I was feeling during my visit to the Tonkses vanishes. Tonks. Andromeda. Oh no. I was there moments ago. They're afraid for Ted, but they were happy enough. Their world is going to be shattered when they find out. My heart aches terribly for them.

"I don't . . . I don't understand. How could this happen? I just spoke with Andromeda and he—he contacted them a month ago. He was afraid, but he was fine!"

"I know," he says softly. "I know."

I hang my head for a moment, trying to figure out what I should do next. "How did you find out?"

"Bellatrix." I'm unsure how to feel about that. "I don't think she told me maliciously. I think she did it for your benefit," he says, probably not sure what the look on my face means.

"I want—"

"I know."

"Should it be me though? What about Mrs. Weasley or, or—"

"They don't know yet. No one besides the Dark Lord and his followers know. It'll probably be announced in the next few days."

I stand there for a while, trying to decide if I need to go do this or if I should just let them find out some other way. Like in the paper? No, I don't want that, and finally I sigh loudly, almost ready to go.

Severus gives me an encouraging smile, then waves his wand. "You're free to go. Just . . . try to be back within the hour."

"I can't go right now," I say.

"Why not?"

"Fred and George are there. Andromeda—she's relatively happy. I don't—I won't ruin—just give me an hour or so. Let them enjoy their company and their meal. I just—I don't know—I can't do that to them—"

Severus wraps his arm around me. "You can wait. We'll let Andromeda have a short while of happiness with her daughter today."

"I'll go tonight," I say. "Just . . . not right now."

Nearly an hour later, after sitting on the sofa with Severus for as long as possible, I know the time has come. "I need to go."

He waves his wand, and I Disapparate.

Before me looms the Tonkses' home. Inside they're probably just as happy as they were when I left, completely unaware that their loved one has died. Though unprepared for this, I push myself forward. They need to know, and allowing them to find out from the Daily Prophet would be unconscionable.

It takes me a long moment to knock because I don't want to be the one who destroys them like this, the one who wrecks what little hope they had. I just want them all to be all right, but that's not possible. How could so much have changed in just a few hours? You have to do this. With one more breath to brace myself, I reach up and knock on the door.

A few seconds later, Lupin's voice comes through the door. "Who is it?"

"It's Charlotte. I was just here."

There's some scuffling, and the door opens. Andromeda smiles at me, and my heart lurches in my chest. I force a smile, and she wavers as if seeing through it. "What a pleasant surprise," she says, something in her voice a little off. "Come in, come in. Did you forget something?"

"No."

Tonks, her feet propped up on the coffee table, waves at me from the sofa in the living room. "I'd get up, but I'm afraid I ate too much. I'm not feeling too well right now." Lupin positions himself beside Tonks on the sofa. Andromeda moves aside some pillows beside her so that I have room.

"When did Fred and George leave?" I take the spot beside my aunt.

"Just a few minutes ago, actually. Do you need them?" Andromeda says.

"No, no, I was just curious."

"What's wrong, Charlotte? Has something happened? Are you okay?" Tonks asks.

I open my mouth to speak but can't. Why did I agree to do this?

Andromeda puts her hand on my knee. "Charlotte, you can talk to us."

I sigh and cover her hand with mine. "I know." Giving her the strongest smile I can muster, I say, "I took a detour when I left here, to visit my father and Rabastan. They—they told me—" I squeeze her hand gently. "Andromeda—" I shake my head. "I'm so sorry, Andromeda, it's Ted—he . . . I'm so sorry." She pulls her hand away from me, eyes searching my face for a lie. "He was—he was killed resisting capture. I thought—I thought you should hear it from—not from the Prophet."

She covers mouth, her face and eyes confused by what I've just said. "How—are you—"

"I just know. I'm so sorry, Andromeda."

"You're serious," she croaks.

"I'm so sorry."

Her face contorts for a second before she covers it with her hands, bending over and letting out an earth-shattering wail that almost sounds like she's calling her husband's name even though he'll never hear her, never come to her again. Her body shakes violently with sobs. I glance at Tonks who sobs quietly into Lupin's chest. "I'm so sorry," I whisper to her. Lupin rests his head atop Tonks's, unshed tears in his own eyes.

I put my hand on Andromeda's shoulder, but she bristles and shakes me away. "Don't touch me!"

"Is there anything I can do?" I ask quietly.

Andromeda, almost dry heaving, stands and struggles over to the other sofa and sits down beside Tonks. They fall into one another's arms, sobbing. With a wave of my wand, the teapot in the kitchen begins heating up. Lupin nods gratefully at me. "Andromeda, he—"

"GET OUT!" she weeps.

Andromeda's screech for her dead husband as she calls out to him in a feeble and useless attempt to bring him back echoes in my ears even as I arrive in Severus's private chambers. Severus approaches me slowly, compassion in his eyes, and places his hands on my shoulders. "It was awful, Severus," I whisper. He wraps his arms around me and lets me rest against his chest. "I've ruined their lives."

"You didn't ruin their lives. The Snatchers who killed him ruined their lives. They'll hurt. For a long while, most likely, but their lives aren't ruined. Yours was not ruined when Zoe died. Mine was not ruined when Lily died. It's devastating, but they'll recover in time. Just as we have."

"I haven't recovered."

"But you will." He kisses the top of my head, and I nod, actually believing him.

I squeeze him, tears still on my cheeks, then pull away from him and wipe the wetness from my face. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

He nods.

"Can I stay here tonight?"

"Yes."