Notes:

Miss Bingley makes a last ditch attempt to secure her future.

Another one inspired by the 'Rhyme that fanfic' game on AHA. A few very contrived sentences. Let's see if you can spot the - more or less! - rhyming ones.

0o0o0o0

Miss Caroline Bingley was quickly losing patience. She had come to Pemberley with her brothers and sister, because her brother Charles had been invited. Mr. Darcy had escaped her clutches by riding ahead the day before. Miss Darcy had been less than receptive of her solicitude and advice. Charles had suggested - by now it had become his daily refrain - that she 'give it up' and 'let Darcy be'.

Two days ago, at last, they had reached Pemberley. Mr. Darcy had awaited their arrival on the front steps, and smiled when they arrived.

But then, things started going awry. He seemed to shy away from her wiles, refusing to let her hold his arm or offer her any assistance or attention.

Miss Bingley flounced inside, throwing the smiling housekeeper a haughty glare.

"Just wait, you insolent woman," she muttered, "when I am mistress here you will be retired immediately. "

When Miss Bingley returned downstairs, rested, once again ready to conquer the last vestiges of Mr. Darcy's heart, freshly dressed and primped, scented with her favourite perfume, she glided into an empty parlor.

"Where the hell is everybody?" she growled in a most unladylike manner. The footman who had trailed her since she left her room, chose to ignore her words.

0o0o0o0

Meanwhile, in Lambton, Mr. Darcy had introduced his sister to the young lady who held his heart in her lovely hands. Standing back to allow the young ladies to speak, he regarded them with a loving smile.

Mr. Gardiner, his dearest heart's uncle, observed Mr. Darcy with a shrewd, knowing look.

Mrs. Gardiner, as quick of understanding, was mentally reviewing their travel itinerary to see how she could best create extra time to be spent right here in Lambton.

Invitations for further visits were given, Mr. Bingley came upstairs for a greeting, and was immediately taken to speak with Mr. Gardiner in private. Mr. Gardiner has adopted a rather fearsome attitude upon this latest introduction, Mr. Darcy observed. Alas, Bingley must shift for himself, 's attention was fully occupied for the nonce. He revelled in Miss Elizabeth's every smile, rejoicing when his sister slowly gained confidence.

When the threesome returned to Pemberley, Mr. Bingley was pale and withdrawn, while the Darcys were ebullient.

0o0o0o0

The following day, Miss Bingley was once again confronted with the single biggest threat to her aspirations of becoming her host's wife. She judged, by his eager solicitude andEliza'scunning, artful smiles, that his heart was well and truly lost this time. It mattered not to her, she decided. "He may keep her as his mistress for his personal needs," she thought to herself. "She could be very useful in such a fashion, freeing me from his physical attentions."

Still, a new plan was needed and when she retired that night, she took the time to find the doors to his quarters and planned accordingly.

She needed witnesses, she knew, and restrained her urges to go to him this very night. She would sneak into his room after he left for his customary morning ride, when he returned to bathe, that's when she would enact her compromise.

0o0o0o0

The next morning, while Miss Bingley hid in his rooms, Mr. Darcy rode to Lambton, only to find his dearest, loveliest Elizabeth in tears. For a moment, he thought to jump up and go after Wickham, that dastardly cur, that blight on mankind! But then he looked at Elizabeth, looking so lost and alone, and even if he tried, he could not leave her behind. So he did what his heart told him to do, stepped forward and took her in his arms. He lifted her while she cried, put her on his lap and held her tight. At long last, when her tears subsided, he whispered: "My love, let me help you at this trying time."

"But how?" she sobbed. "You were right! My family is ruined…"

"Hush," he replied. " They may not be ruined. If I marry you,youwould not be ruined. I can help, as your husband I can do anything needed to make his right again. Please my dearest, if you love me, please marry me."

A tearful nod was all the reply he got, before an irate Mr. Gardiner entered the room, followed by his wife.

"Mr. Darcy sir!" he barked, but Mr. Darcy just smiled.

"We are to be married," he grinned, " and quite quickly, I must urge you."

The whole sorry situation explained - a sister eloped and unmarried, ruination and Wickham's crimes - Mr. Gardiner agreed to the solution Mr. Darcy provided.

For reasons known only to himself, Mr. Darcy had a license on him, the vicar was agreeable and a wedding was performed with all haste.

Then, Mr. Gardiner took charge. He would hunt the errant couple in town, while his new nephew would dedicate his time to his new wife. "Start as you mean to go on," were his sage words of advice.

Mr. Darcy provided names and addresses and sent an express to request his cousin to aid his new uncle in his stead.

Then, the couples parted, one to town,one to their beautiful home nearby.

0o0o0o0

As they stumbled into the mistress' chambers, Mr. Darcy chuckled.

"I cannot believe it. I am delighted with my bride," he smiled, just before he stole another kiss. They proceeded to engage in activities suited to a couple's wedding night.

0o0o0o0

Miss Bingley could not understand the sounds emitting from the mistress' chambers.

"When I am mistress of Pemberley," she avowed, "all incompetent staff shall have to go. I shall not allow any maids to grunt in my household. Or shriek. Or moan! The indecency of it all! Now where is Mr. Darcy?"

At long last, the man himself strode through the door to those self-same mistress' chambers, dressed in naught but his birthday suit, little purple bruises all over his torso and neck, his hair dishevelled and his staff proudly at attention.

Miss Bingley shrieked, appalled, before she recollected her purpose and grabbed for him. Mr. Darcy's staff, curiously, seemed to deflate and droop, Miss Bingley observed as she launched herself at him.

Mr. Darcy neatly stepped aside and allowed her to fall to the floor. His voice was cold like icicles raining on her.

"You failed, you miserable shrew," he said. "I am married and beyond your reach, and you are ruined when I speak of this. Your reputation is in my hands now, and do not ever forget that!"

Mr. Darcy rang the bell with such force, the cord snapped. His valet and several footmen came instantly, and before long, Miss Bingley was in a carriage, leaving Pemberley for the last time.

Her infallible plan had failed, it was a compromised compromise.