Barton IV
Mayday stood in the shadows, keeping out of sight, watching her again; she was wearing overalls she wore every day since she started working with the Ugnaught.
They seemed to get on well; sometimes they laughed.
He couldn't help the feeling that it should be him laughing with her.
After everything that happened, what she said, she wanted to be alone. He thought she would back down eventually but she simply refused to see him alone and explain. He could only assume Vos meant more to her than she said.
The old pain in his hip pushed through again; as a pain it was nothing compared to others he felt. It would go away, it always did. He just had to work through it.
The other pain, the one that was tearing a hole in his chest, he wasn't so sure of that. Wasn't sure how long he could cope with that, not the way things were.
As he stared, an image he didn't want to see came into his mind, Vos holding her, touching her, owning her. Doing exactly what he wanted with her. It felt like an eel crawled through his insides at those images and thoughts.
He had waited so long, surviving on the memories of her from the first time he saw her and the song she sang in the club. The meals at Dex's, her running to him when he returned from missions and what followed. The feeling of her skin on his, her mouth on him, her tongue in his mouth. They all merged in his memory and became her.
Then finding she had died on Naboo, he stopped looking for her. Tried to move on.
But she had not died.
And he had not truly moved on.
"Stop torturing yourself." Finor's words broke through Mayday's ruminations. The older man stood in front of him. He hadn't heard him approach, he was so pre occupied. "We need to talk. Walk with me."
Mayday followed, he found the older man's insights helpful, sometimes.
They stopped at the back of the hangar and Finor delved into a battered crate bringing out a bottle.
"I have found that in situations like this, it has to be her choice, you can't force it."
Finor poured a finger of moonshine into two grubby glasses and nodded to Mayday, who looked at the glass of moonshine in front of him; he took a drink of it, forcing it down.
"I know."
"But it still kills you."
"Yes."
"She's been through a lot from what she told Donca, on the run from the Empire— then betrayed by someone she thought she could trust."
Mayday turned away, Finor put a hand on his bicep, to pull him back; he resisted then finally turned back.
"I know but what has she said?"
"Donca has a way with her. But you should know that. Every time they meet, she finds out a little more. I'll tell you what I can."
"She wouldn't tell me anything. Wouldn't talk."
"So you assumed the worst."
Finor watched him swirl the moonshine in his glass, staring at the contents and down it in one. The fact he could do that showed he was used to much worse.
"Self medicating only helps a little." He took the glass from his hand and put the bottle away.
"Anything from Fulcrum?" Mayday changed the subject.
"Donca's talking to them now. They were impressed with what was on the chip and the intel you provided on getting onto the ship. They want us to to go against one of the suppliers."
"Close them down?"
"In a way."
"The rebels need fuel as much as the Empire and we need to stop the Empire from getting a stranglehold on the supply."
"Getting supplies through regularly is always a logistical nightmare." Mayday answered, he needed something to take his mind off Hela, "I'm in. Send me the details."
.
Hela once again sat opposite Donca; she rubbed the back of her neck. The scar still felt odd. Donca had saved Mayday, removed their chips, hers and the children's. She owed her but what did she want in return? You never got anything for free in this Galaxy and Hela guessed that was the reason she was here.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"Saving us. Getting rid of the chips."
"It was either that or lose my best man. I can't afford to do that."
Hela swallowed, "What happens now?"
"We always need more recruits."
"For what?"
"Doing our bit against the Empire."
"Mayday said but I wasn't sure if—"
"If it was true. If we were pirates, like the others?"
"Yes."
"They're not bad. We have a common cause."
Hela stayed silent, feeling the woman's eyes boring into her.
"We didn't expect any children."
"They're not mine but I promised their Mother."
"Mayday told me."
"Where is he, and them?"
"He's meeting with his troops, a new mission. The children are being checked over again and fed. They both have bottomless stomachs. The effect of being enslaved."
"Vos wasn't that bad to them but thank you, again."
"We're not the enemy you know."
"Sometimes it's difficult to know exactly who the enemy is."
"It is. But we just want rid of the Empire and for that we need recruits."
"The Empire? They're everywhere and getting stronger. I've seen them reach everywhere. Even the crime gangs have allegiances."
"We know."
"But if I stay here what can I do?"
"To help?"
"Yes."
"Anything. Anything you want."
"The only thing I can really do is sing."
Donca leant forward on her stick.
"That's not what I hear."
Hela frowned.
"Zak told me you've been very helpful to him and Bilcoll."
Hela frowned, "Yes. Several times."
"The mechanic. Bil— he's an acquired taste, although don't say that to him he may take it the wrong way."
"It was nothing, I just stand there, holding tools."
"Again not what I heard. There was something more."
Hela frowned, "I heard something. They would have got it eventually."
"Eventually, and that may have cost us lives and you had only just arrived then."
"It didn't."
"You're also pretty good at piloting ships, driving speeders in addition to identifying what's wrong with them from what Zak says."
"He talks a lot."
"Mayday confirmed it."
Hela took a few seconds before replying, "I was but it's been a while and I think he exaggerates."
"He doesn't and you never forget some things."
"I don't know."
"Stay and help. Zak, Kull and Bil. Learn from them."
"I don't know."
"They tell me you already know the basics."
The woman was relentless.
"A bit."
"There you're already helping."
Hela frowned.
"Do you have any attachment to Vos?"
"What do you mean?" Hela asked sharply.
"How long were you with him, with Crimson Dawn?"
Hela had never counted the days exactly, that would have driven her mad but N'ina had definitely matured in that time, she was more woman than child now, " I don't know exactly, over a year I think."
"If he came for you now, would you go with him?"
"No. Never."
"Are you sure? It was a comfortable place to live. You wanted for nothing, food, clothes. More than a lot of free men get."
"I needed nothing but my freedom and being free from fear of death on his whim."
"Just like us then. Freedom from the Empire and the fear of death on the whim of a dictator or any of his minions."
Donca carefully moved Hela's hair from the back if her neck and reached for her wrist. She flinched at the touch.
"I can see the physical scars. They must have hurt?"
"It did…."
"But it's not just the physical scars is it?""
She was relentless.
Hela didn't answer.
Donca nodded, "I'm asking you to join us, stay with us but it's up to you. We all have to start somewhere. Walk with me."
Hela followed her out of the room, adjusting her pace.
"I'm taking a chance here." Donca added.
"You don't have to take me on and I need to get the children to Ryloth."
"All in good time."
Hela could see they were going, to places where she had been refused access previously. She stopped walking, panic bubbling up.
"Are you saying we can't leave?"
"No. Just not yet. Let's walk."
"Are you sure about me? About this?"
"No but I wasn't sure about Mayday but I knew we needed to do something different to what we were doing because we were failing. Losing good men and failing. He stopped that."
.
"You okay?" Asked Bil as she walked up, he had his old fashioned kettle on some kind of heater. It started whistling as she reached him. She had that look on her face that many had after spending time with Donca.
"Yeah!" She couldn't think about Mayday and how they could move on, not yet. She had to get herself straight and the kids settled back on Ryloth. The pilot had disappeared a few weeks ago. N'ina and Ji were with Donca catching up on their learning, she said they were clever and doing well. Hela spent time with them after that and this work she was doing now.
She found herself getting lost in the repairs, thinking only of the problem they were working on.
"Do you want some tea?"
"Er…"
"You a caf only person?"
"Sort of."
"You won't be, not after drinking my tea. I have new supply. Mayday brought some in on his last supply run."
"Really?"
He poured the boiling water into a huge pot with a spout, "I have spoken."
Bil produced two cracked and battered mugs and blew into them.
"Sweetener and dairy?"
Hela screwed up her nose, "No."
"Good. I don't have any. Why adulterate good ugnaught tea?"
He finally poured the tea; it was almost black.
"There you are." He handed her one of the mugs, "Old Fashioned ugnaught's tea."
She stared into its black depths; she had never seen any drink so dark.
"Drink! We don't start until you drink."
She took a sip and the tannin sucked all moisture from her mouth. She swallowed it down.
"See. In a few minutes you will know why it's better than caf."
She looked into the mug.
"I know it's so strong you can stand a hydrospanner up in it and it would strip the inside of an ion cannon clean."
He grunted, "So, you agree with Bil. It's good."
"It's good." She took another sip and forced it down. Then she felt the caffein hit.
"Now we work." Bil declared, "I have spoken."
By mid day the caffeinated hit had worn off and they had stripped the engine down. Some small lugs were seeping in the remains of their tea. Hela looked at them, they were clean and shiny now.
Bil had stopped what he was doing; he was staring at the corner of the hangar bay.
"The Commander Mayday watches you a great deal. Why do you not talk to him?"
"It's complicated."
"Hyperdrives are complicated. Mates are not. You together or not."
"We're, what we've been through, its more complicated than that."
"Because he is clone?"
"Part of."
"Should not be. Just different way to make. He's still a man."
"Yeah."
"You like how he looks?"
"Yeah."
"Lin liked how he looked but she's gone, unless you share?"
He looked at her accusingly.
"No, unless I didn't know."
"You would know."
"Do you share?"
"Not talking about me. Talking about you."
"I'd rather not."
He grunted.
"More tea. Then it's not so complicated. I have spoken." He put the kettle on.
.
Donca leaned on her stick, pushing herself next to Finor; their heads turned together and they watched the Commander and their new mechanic in training, pointedly ignoring each other, even though they were both in the hangar bay. Mayday watched Hela like a prey he was stalking, she walked as far as possible away from him.
Other than that, Hela had fit in well.
"We need to do something about them." Donca commented as they left their view.
"What do you mean?"
"You know—get them back together."
"Romantically?" Finor asked.
"Yes."
"Mayday is more than amenable to that idea." He said watching the Mayday, watching Hela.
"He is?"
"Yes."
"No. It's a mad idea. We have enough to do."
"But you're still going to do something aren't you?"
She shrugged.
Shaking his head, "I always knew you were a bit of a matchmaker." he smiled at her.
"No! We're in the middle of a war. We need to focus on that and not get distracted."
Finor watched Hela stop and rest her forehead against the fuselage of the ship she was working on with Zak and Bil. They said she was doing well. She needed to be able to concentrate.
He turned towards the noises he heard from Mayday, who had lost his temper yet again, this time with a crate of supplies. They spilled over creating a mess. He waited for him to kick them but he didn't; he just looked at Hela, who caught his eye and looked away.
Donca watched her companion, their relationship had mellowed in the last few years and he was indispensable to her. Whoever took over from her needed someone grounded like Finor, to tell them when they were wrong.
"We need to plan for the future." She whispered.
"Donca—" he warned, he hated talking about this but she was getting worse and she wanted to make the choice herself of who took over. It had to be seemless she said and he agreed. He knew who he wanted.
He slipped his arm around her and squeezed. She didn't shrug him off this time. It was too late for that.
"If not romantically, we need to get them talking to each other, clear the air so they can work together.'
"Agreed."
They watched their unsuspecting prey walk further away from each other.
.
Donca collared her, trapping her in the small supply room; the older woman was formidable in her own way.
"So have you thought about what you're going to do about Mayday?"
Hela shook her head. She still didn't want to talk about him. Not yet.
"I know you lost someone else close to you. I know grief. As does Mayday. But you don't have to always be unhappy with it. It's not wrong to go on and be happy."
Hela was still silent. After everything that had happened, she didn't think she had any happiness left in her and didn't want to foist that on anyone else.
Donca swapped legs, leaning to the other side.
"You don't lose the capacity to be happy, you know. It's just other things, little things that make the difference. If you can't put it into words then use actions. Words often come out wrong."
Hela remembered Mayday's face when he first saw her on the ship. It was a mixture of concern and happiness. It disappeared just as quickly at her reaction to him.
She kept telling herself she wasn't responsible for his feelings.
But was she? Could she be? She had pursued him years ago.
"Can you remember when you were last happy?"Donca's voice interrupted her thoughts.
Hela closed her eyes.
An image of Mayday in his armour, still scuffed and dirty from a battle. He had come straight to her and lifted her up, swinging her around. Just the sight of him, alive and unhurt, lifted her heart.
She had loved him then, was that dead?
Perhaps she just had to give it another go.
"We're only here once. Make the most of it. Even in these trying times."
Donca turned to leave.
"Did I ever thank you for taking the chips out— safely."
Donca stopped, but didn't turn, "Yes, you did."
"Thank you, again."
Donca waited. She saw Hela prepare herself for something else.
"I need to borrow a ship."
There it was. She had her.
"Why?"
"I've heard from Ryloth. Their family is still alive and can take them in. Especially without the chips."
"You've contacted Ryloth? How? Who?"
"Some rebels there. I was there a while ago."
"How did you get a com that was able to — Zak." She answered her own question.
"Don't blame him, I pestered him."
"I can imagine."
"So. Do I get a ship?"
Donca studied her, "Tell me why you're avoiding Mayday and I'll consider your request."
"Consider?"
"It's all I can say at the moment."
Hela frowned, "Okay."
"Let's find somewhere more comfortable."
.
Donca brewed some caf; it smelled good. Hela looked around. This was her quarters but she was surprised to see some of Finors stuff here.
"Yes. Fin stays occasionally. It took us several attempts but we are finally at peace together."
"Several attempts?"
"We married young. Split up for various reasons and then got together a couple of times before we finally settled our differences. But we always loved each other."
She pushed a mug of caf into Hela's hand.
"Do you love Mayday?"
"Yes. He's— I can't describe him."
Donca smiled, "I know what you mean."
"What about Vos?"
"No. Never."
"I ask because sometimes slaves stay with their masters. Develop feelings for their masters, even defend them."
"You think I have feelings for Vos?"
"I think it's complicated."
Hela took a drink. It was strong and hot. She almost burnt her lips.
"Vos was wearing me down. He wanted me to go to him willingly. Give myself to him. He gave me security. Food and I could sing."
"And?" Donca pushed her.
"I knew it was only a matter of time before I went to him."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"That thought makes me feel as if I already betrayed Mayday and I can't face him because of that."
"Hmm — guilt."
Hela nodded. She took another sip.
"Does he know this?"
"No."
"Perhaps you should let him make that decision but is there something else?"
Hela took a deep breath.
"When we first met. He was a slave, there was no way around that. My time with Vos just clarified it for me. I wonder if I took away his choice then. He had little other choices he could make, despite what some of the Jedi did for them."
"And what makes you think he didn't make a choice?"
"They were limited."
"Lots of people's choices are limited to where they live and which they work with. Did he ever say anything to make you think differently about him?"
"No but I want to make sure he does have a choice."
"Why?"
"It's important isn't it. You don't realise how important it is until it's taken away from you."
"That's true." She poured another mug of caf for each of them, "Tell me about Coruscant."
.
Three more mugs of caf later and Hela spoken for longer than she had in months; she also knew she wouldn't sleep for a week.
"You should start singing again. It would help morale."
Hela shrugged.
"We'll get you transport. You just need to arrange the time."