Chapter 2
Everyone gathered in the gymnasium for an introduction and sorting for classes. Effy, Elaine, and Pandora sat on the bottom row. Pandora was going on about doing 'it' with a blonde guy but Elaine didn't listen as she glanced up to the group of guys the twins met before coming to the school. Elaine gave them a small smile before she turned her head back to the front of the gym.
JJ looked down with a smile on his face.
"She smiled at me." JJ said.
"Cool." Freddie said.
But ruining his hope of being smiled at by a girl, the tanned boy next to him his eyes on Elaine.
"She, erm, didn't smile at you, JJ." Freddie said.
But the one now known as JJ didn't give up though, he didn't meet his friend's eyes as he quickly responded.
"I think you'll find she did." JJ said as the third friend with the red shirt looked over to his other mates whilst chewing on a pen. "Mum was right. A lack of pubic hair isn't necessarily a drawback."
"It is a drawback." Freddie said.
"Girls are more interested in my character than my cock. That's just been proven." JJ said and it was like he was desperate to prove a girl smiled at him.
"She was not looking at you. Fuck me, you're blind." Freddie snapped back, wiping the smile from JJ's face.
"On the contrary. My eyesight is keen." JJ said.
"Yeah? How many fingers am I holding up?" Freddie questioned, holding up his hand showing five fingers and smacked his friend in the head before he got the chance to respond.
"F… Ow! You always for that…!" JJ said.
"I've got so much cock hair I can backcomb it and use it like a lure." Cook said.
A girl sits down behind Cook.
"Nice." The girl said.
Cook turned around to a girl.
"Like a Porcupine." Cook said.
"Right, you're all prick." The girl said.
"Toosh." Cook said.
"You mean touche." The girl said.
"Probably." Cook said.
"Tosser." The girl said.
"Nice. Here we go." Cook said.
The sound of the gym doors opening and walking in two women and two men who Elaine assumed were the head of the College as the speakers blared.
"WELCOME TO ROUNDVIEW COLLEGE. A MEETING PLACE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE." A voice said.
Elaine let out a subtle laugh, looking over at Pandora and her sister.
"This is shit." Elaine said, looking back to the adults in front of them.
One of the women who was looking more red in the face than someone would usually look began to speak which caught the attention of the majority of the large group of students who settled on the bleachers.
"God help me." The woman said.
"Lovely kids. So full of energy. Makes you feel alive." Doug said.
"They look like a right peck of fuckers to me." The professor said.
"If I suddenly get a bit flushed and short of breath, take over, would you, Doug?" The woman asked.
"Why would you get flushed?" Doug asked.
"Just fucking do it, okay?!" The woman yelled.
"No problem. Flushed. Right you are." Doug said.
"Could I have your attention, please? Yes, we are starting. Excuse…" The woman said but not many people actually listened. Just as she was about to speak, the sound of loud whistling came from a mega phone the man behind her held.
"Shit- that's loud as well." The twin said as she flinched at the sudden noise with an annoyed expression on her face.
"ATTENTION! PAY ATTENTION, LOOK YOU!" Doug yelled, the megaphone feedback squealing and bouncing off the walls once he finished getting the students attention.
"Thank you, Doug." The woman said, turning to the students as she took a few steps forward. "Welcome to Roundview College. We are a designated four star educational establishment under the National We're All In It Together Initiative leading to Ultimate Improvement status. Anyone who screws that up will be officially burnt at the stake."
"And expelled." Doug added.
"Yes, and expelled. God help you all, you're gonna get some qualifications. Any questions?" The woman said.
Elaine was already sick of the day and the spliff she smoked hasn't helped her which she silently cursed. She looked down, picking at the skin at the edges of her nails.
What broke Elaine out of her zone was a fart sound echoing throughout the gym which made Pandora and the majority of the students laugh aside from her and Effy.
"Thank you. Now before I turn you over to your form tutors, I'd like to tell you something about the way in which we organise our…" The woman stopped, getting interrupted by a louder fart. "Right! Very funny. This is a further education college, not a primary school." She wasn't entertained by the immature noises but what made her smile was how happy their friend looked. She cared for Pandora, unlike Effy. She appreciated being friends with the girl despite how distant and snappy she can be. Once again, a fart interrupted and it was much louder and disgusting which made everyone laugh again. "Stop it! Stop it! I'll cut your balls off, you cheeky little turds! You hear me?" The woman screamed, very angry at what she believed was the students' doing.
"I do apologise. I think I might be at fault. Too much rhubarb on my Ready Brek. Havoc." Doug said, looking rather embarrassed.
"Right." The woman responded but once again was interrupted by Doug.
"You are looking a little flushed. Do you want me to…?" Doug asked.
"No! No. Just…" The College Director said, taking a deep inhale through her nose before exhaling and turning back to the students.
"Last year, we had some intolerable incidents so, I want to make this easy for you. The following will result in instant expulsion smoking on the premises, setting fire to the premises, consumption of alcohol on the premises, consumption of drug on the premises, consumption of pornography on the premises, teacher abuse, glue abuse, self abuse, sеxual intercourse with any other student, teacher or animal or combination of the above including oral sеx and/or use of sеx toys, on the premises." As the college director went on and on about what was not allowed in the College.
Elaine looked back at the three boys who were focused on the director just as any other student was before she turned her head back.
"Got your eye on one of them?" Effy asked.
"What?" Elaine responds which causes Effy to roll her eyes.
"You fancy them don't you?" Effy asked more clearly.
"You seem to, too. I saw how you were looking at them when Dad was bitching at an old woman." Elaine said, bumping Effy's shoulder with a playful smile on her lips.
The director once again began to speak which elicited a sigh in unison from the twins.
"Miss Reedy, our new head of communications." The woman said, urging a very stressed looking woman to step forward. "Miss Reedy is joining us from... Where are you joining us from?"
"Um, I had some time off. Seven years. It was stress-related but I'm feeling a bit better now, hopefully…" Miss Reedy said.
"Oh, Christ." The woman said.
Miss Reedy looked at the students with a nervous expression on her face.
"Form BD1, say your name, please, when I... Put your hands up, please, when I call your, erm, name. Emily Fitch?" Miss Reedy asked, Emily looking redhead raised her hand after hearing her name.
"Katie Fitch?" Miss Reedy asked, Katie raised her hand as she looked around for people to look at her.
"Jonah Jeremia Jones?" Miss Reedy asked.
"JJ, present." JJ said, making his presence known as he raised his hand.
"James Cook?" Miss Reedy asked.
"Yo!" Cook responded as he raised his hand, catching Elaine's attention and they locked eyes which made her smile.
"Helen Stonem?" Miss Reedy asked.
Elaine raised her hand silently, the group of boys glancing down at her and her sister.
"Elizabeth Stonem?" Miss Reedy asked.
Effy raised her hand, Cook pointed his fingers like a gun which aimed at Effy and her sister, making them his target.
"Mavis Jarundi? Dob...rislawa W... Wieczorek? I'm sorry, you're foreign. Frederick McClair?" Miss Reedy asked.
Freddie had his eyes on and raised his hand.
"Yes." Freddie said, catching Elaine's attention and they locked eyes which made her smile again.
Elaine turned her head to her sister, who mocked her smile.
"Oh shut up." Elaine smiled, hitting her sister playfully on the shoulder.
"Denise Adebeyor?" Miss Reedy asked.
"Yes! The integrity of the unit is preserved. I'm still deeply unhappy with you, mind, on account of the unwarranted violence." JJ said.
"All right, I said I'm sorry." Frederick said.
A few more names got called until a girl named Naomi Campbell was called.
"And Naomi Campbell? Naomi Campbell?" Miss Reedy asked.
Elaine wondered why someone would name their child after her but she just shrugged and impatiently waited for it to be done. The name that had been called didn't have a face to it until Doug decided to scream into the mic again.
"Naomi Campbell?!" Doug said.
The loud voice called and Naomi eventually raised her hand with an annoyed expression.
A few minutes went by of mindless name calling and a short conversation between the three girls' voices echoed throughout the gym.
Naomi behind Cook puts her hand.
"Hey, Naomi. Now I get it. You got anger management issues." Cook said.
"Only when I talk to wankеrs." Naomi said.
"Cool. You gonna hit me with your shoe now, or…?" Cook asked.
Naomi shows her finger.
"I like her." Cook said.
Emily looks at Naomi.
"Oh, Christ. Sam fucking form." Naomi said.
"Hey, babe…? Babe? Babe? Babe? Babe?" Cook asked.
"Sorry. I'm not a babe." Naomi said.
"No? Well, I'll be the judge of that." Cook said.
"Shut up, Cook. Sorry about him." JJ said.
"Listen, trying to break the ice. Guess what I've got tattooed on my cock?" Cook asked.
"Cook." JJ said.
"No, go on. Guess. What would you say?" Cook asked.
Naomi puts her hand.
"Excuse me?" Naomi asked.
"Yes? What is it?" The woman asked.
"The boy next to me is acting inappropriately." Naomi said.
"How?" The director asked.
"He wants to show me his tattoo. And not in a nice way." Naomi said.
"Right. You!" The woman said.
"Me?" Cook asked.
"Yes! Why don't you show us all your pathetic tattoo. We can wonder at its magnificent stupidity." The woman said, catching Elaine's attention and she turned her head towards James and his friends.
"I wonder how stupid this…tattoo is of him?" Elanie asked, nudging Effy's arm with a sly smirk on her face.
"I don't think you'd like it." Cook laughed, amused by what's going on.
"RIGHT LAD! SMARTISH! YOU'VE HAD AN INSTRUCTION. SHOW HER THE TATTOO NOW!" Doug demanded, so everyone can see this tattoo James had.
"All right." Cook said, as he stood up.
"Wait. No, no, no! Cook, wait, no." Freddie said.
Cook pulled down his pants, revealing hand prints on his ass and a tattoo on his dick. Everyone laughed, including the three girls sitting at the bottom. Elaine found this funny unlike the farting that happened earlier in the meeting. Miss Reedy screamed, begging to be let out as she ran to a door to try and escape the situation but instead she opened a closet which held balls in it that fell on her almost making her trip as she ran into it to hide. Elaine looked at her sister who was smirking over at Cook, a smile showing on her own as she figured Effy was aiming for Cook.
Cook, Freddie, and JJ in the locker room and the pair had the three boys eyeballing them in the corridors, mainly for their lack of clothing and the fact girls.
"Did she expel you?" JJ asked.
"For what?" Cook asked.
"Well, getting your cock out in the Assembly. I'm guessing, but it's possibly frowned upon. Even in the state sector." JJ said.
"She understood the bind I was in. I was doing what I was told. Very accommodating. There was something about removing my bollocks with a monkey wrench if she ever saw them again. I think we reached an understanding. Right. To business." Cook explained.
"You mean education?" JJ asked.
"Women, JJ." Cook said.
"Women? Um... I mean, I feel like we might be... I don't want to sort of run before I can walk…" JJ asked.
Cook, Freddie, and JJ eyeball the girls in the locker.
"Wow. Girls!" Cook said.
"There's a lot of them." JJ said.
"Yep." Freddie said.
"So much choice. It's disconcerting." JJ said.
"No, it's just a matter of sorting out the wheat from the chavs." Cook said.
The pair had Cook, Freddie, and JJ eyeballing them in the corridors, mainly for their lack of clothing and the fact Effy is literally only wearing a top over her underwear, at least Elaine put on shorts despite the fact they were short shorts. Elaine stood until Effy had a coin to the candy machine, Effy took the candy and she is down literally only wearing a top over her underwear. Cook, Freddie, and JJ have wolf whistles.
"Ah, there we are. And the wolf shall lie down with the lamb." Cook said.
"You think she'd lie down with me?" JJ asked.
"No!" Cook said.
"Yeah? Well, that line is wrong and popularly misquoted. It should read: 'The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, 'and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, 'and the lion and the calf together and a little child shall lead them.'" JJ explained.
"Yeah. We'll try and pick the bones out of that, J." Freddie said.
Cook's eyes winded to Effy's underwear is sex too hot.
"I could show her one of my magic tricks. Dad says it's an ice-breaker." JJ said.
"Yeah? Let's try that out, then, before we go leaping in, and we can see who gets the fatted calf, right?" Cook asked.
"Okay." JJ said.
"Yeah, you. Darling, my mate wants to try out his pick-up routine on you. That's okay?" Cook asked.
"Hey. Hi, I'm JJ. Pack of cards. Nothing funny about them. Except one minute they're blue and…" JJ said.