Author Note: I decided to continue this chapter with what I was originally going to do and had planned for it. Nothing previously will be changed except some lines at the end (Before the change), So I hope you enjoy getting the chapter that was originally in mind when I wrote this. Also, the split between what was written before and what was added should be marked by dots made in three columns and go down some lines.

Also, I am still planning to finish this fanfic as I have an ending in mind. I just can't spend every day writing this. After chapter 10, I will go back and edit the previous chapters if I see need to match the writing now and make it consistent. The story itself won't be changed. I'll only make it easier to read and understand for anyone new to this fanfic.

CHAPTER 9: I COULDN'T STOP CRYING, RESET ONCE AGAIN

"Petra!" Fredrica shouts as she watches Petra collapse.

Hetaro and Tivey reacted the same when they notice Mimi and their lady collapse. But none of them could do anything as the barrier wouldn't let them through. Only worry shows on their faces.

Fredrica crouches to get closer to Petra, but the barrier still stops her. The face Petra made. It haunted her. What did she see to make her make a face like that? What horrible things? Fredrica could only get angrier at her powerlessness against whatever entity caused all this. Now, she could only hope her brother and Otto return with more help.

His eyes shoot open. He lays in the same bed. He turns to see the window beside him. He made it back. But his blood turns cold as he hears two familiar voices.

"Sir, have you awakened?" "Sir, you're awake?"

He slowly turns to the source of the voices. At the foot of his bed is Rem and Ram. Fear seeps in as he suddenly begins to scream at the sight of them. This startles the twins, making them leave the room in a hurry. Emilia comes to visit.

"Subaru, Ram and Rem were really worried. They were unusually despondent, wondering if they'd been impolite..."

Subaru couldn't even spare the energy to look at her. "Nothing happened between them and me." Subaru's voice sounds hoarse as he speaks.

This caused many questions enter the minds of Emilia, Betty. Why didn't he tell them? Subaru told Emilia that he loves her, so why didn't he tell her that Rem had killed him or about his ability. Betty only felt worse about herself. She let Subaru die when he was under the same roof as her.

Why didn't he tell her about his ability? Did he not trust her enough to tell her that? It would make sense though. Why would he trust someone like her. She let him die under her protection. He was supposed to be safe. Why didn't she do anything? Does he really not trust her?

Her contractor really is amazing. How does he come back from this? Now he speaks only of loving her and how amazing she is. Why does he forgive her? Why does he still love her? Even after all this pain and suffering, he still smiles. It truly is amazing. She wishes she could smile to herself at this thought.

But how many more times did she fail him? Does he truly care for her as well?

Ram didn't have as big of an opinion, only worrying about her sister. If her sister really did this to Subaru, did her forgive her? Not once has he mentioned her sister ever killing him. What about now? Does he truly love her? What if he's only doing this to get revenge on her?

If he really had an ability like this, couldn't he have used it to save her sister? Why didn't he if he really loves her? She started to think that maybe he really hasn't forgiven her sister. Maybe he only wants revenge. A thought that scared her.

She has come to respect him to some degree, but if he really was only doing this as revenger, then she'll do anything to earn his forgiveness. She may not remember her sister, but seeing her sister here, made her remember just how much she loves her sister. If he really hasn't forgiven her, she'll do anything to earn his forgiveness. He just needs to return.

Seriously, Barasu. Where are you? Everyone needs you. I don't think we'll be able to handle much more if you've gone through more than this. Petra is already hurt. Please, my sister is up. Isn't that what you wanted? Why won't you come back? Please...

If it wasn't for her situation, she would've most likely cried as she thought to herself.

Rem only hated herself even more. His reaction to seeing her was truly terrible. He was afraid. Of course he was afraid. She was a monster. She deserves to be hated. Why does Subaru ever care for her? Does he? When he returns, she will atone for everything. As long as he gives her a punishment fitting for her crimes.

How could she do this to the one person who saved her. The person she loves. Her hero. How could she? All because of the Witch's cult? She was disgusting. Truly someone not worth loving. No wonder Subaru rejected her. How could he love someone who killed him so brutally with no mercy? It's impossible.

Now she truly understands why he didn't return her love and rejected her. He hates her. That must be it. Otherwise... how else could she stand being herself? Her disgusting self. How could she ever stand to see Subaru again after what she did?

Wilhelm had different opinions. He didn't feel guilt like the others. He knew what he saw in the young man's eyes. He only has more admiration for the boy. To go through so much and still keep moving. It truly is amazing. How strong this young man is.

Felix only felt hurt. Did Subaru really go through this? Maybe that's why he acted the way he did in the castle and living with Crusch. If this is the reason, how could Felix blame him for acting in such a way. He couldn't. Going through something like this would make anyone go insane.

Yet, Subaru still smiles and tries to save everyone. Felix could no longer blame Subaru for his actions. Now, he could only say that Subaru really is an amazing person. To go through such things and still try to save everyone. Now, he's even trying to save that blue-haired girl who just killed him in such a merciless way. Why?

Subaru really is someone... he can't understand. To go to such lengths to save everyone, dying over and over. No sane human would be able to do that. Truly amazing. Mayb Subaru is more of a knight than Felix could ever be.

Julius thought the same thing. Subaru was this arrogant guy who insulted all the knights, yet he went through such a thing as dying over and over. How could he blame him for his act in the castle? Subaru really is a kind person though. A person who he has failed to truly become friends with.

"Subaru, are you alright? If something's wrong, welcome to talk to me." Emilia speaks in a concerned tone.

Subaru only looks down with tired eyes.

Yes! Emilia shouts in her head. Please. You can talk to me. I want to help you. But her hope that Subaru would actually talk to her was broken soon after.

If I could tell Emilia that it's no use, that I can't take anymore... Subaru starts to think to himself. An idea then comes to his mind. "That's it." He mumbles to himself. He turns to face Emilia with a shocked expression.

All this time, I've been struggling to change things alone, but...

Emilia looks more concerned as she says, "Subaru, are you sure you're all right?"

"There's something I want you to know." His tone is serious.

"Okay." The half-elf replies.

There is a moment of silence before he speaks. "Emilia... Several times up until now, I've died and-"

Everything froze. Even Emilia's hair that was blowing from the wind coming in through the wind. He was overcome with confusion. He couldn't even move his own body, not even his eyes.

All of them were confused by what was happening. They couldn't even hear Subaru breathing. The world just stopped.

Everything was frozen for a few moments before black fog suddenly forms. It takes over Subaru's vision. Out of the black fog, a black hand appears. The fingers look more like claws. As the hand gets closer to Subaru, he can see a long arm attached to it. The arm moves like a snake as the hand gets closer.

The hand starts moving up his body as he thinks to himself.

Woah... Wait... This is seriously no joke...

The hand eventually makes its way to his heart, and... it squeezes it. Yet, Subaru is unable to scream at the pain.

Everything unfreezes. The first thing, he hears a voice.

"Subaru?"

He quickly jumps, gasping for air. He starts breathing heavily as he is filled with fear.

He hears Emilia stand up as she says, "Subaru!"

He starts to think about what happened.

What happened all of a sudden?

He grips his robe where his chest is as he breathes heavily.

My body moves. My voice works. My heart doesn't hurt.

He begins to shake as he moves his hand to grip his arm tightly, clenching his teeth.

But... The fear is engraved in me...

"Wh-What's wrong?" Emilia asks with concern and worry in her voice. "You've been acting really strange. Subaru, if something's going on-"

She tries to speak but is interrupted by Subaru.

"I have a favor to ask."

"Okay."

"I want you to have nothing to do with me."

He doesn't even look at her as he speaks before he lays back down, his back facing her. Subaru is eventually visited by Roswaal. After Roswaal leaves, he thinks to himself.

I can't tell anyone about Return by Death. I've died in this mansion three times. I didn't experience a fourth time in the capital. If I die again... I might not come back.

Sitting up in bed, he turns to face the window with his tired and exhausted expression. He then hears a voice.

"That's quite a cowardly look on your face, I suppose."

He turns to the door to find Betty standing at the door, her bored expression unchanged with her arms crossed.

Emilia, Betty, Rem, and Ram were all surprised to see Betty standing before them. The fact that Betty came out of her forbidden library to see Subaru was a shock. Of course, they didn't know of this as they've already established that this was also a "loop" where he dies once again, under their protection.

What kind of protection were they providing him with anyways? So far, he has died three times living under the same roof. All because of a curse and... Rem. Despite how angry they all wanted to feel, they were forced to feel depressed, betrayed, and hurt. Their minds were jumbled with many thoughts because of Subaru's trauma.

All of them were forced to feel the same way. Even those who did not know the maid as well as the Emilia camp did. Their minds were slowly and slowly... cracking. They know that no matter how long they return to the mansion, waking up, they will never forget this. It's impossible. It hurt. It hurts them so much.

This kid. This young man, who is known as a hero with a kind heart, had to go through such unfair treatment. Why? Why was he brought to their world to begin with? Why did he stay with the Emilia camp even after dying over and over like this? Why did he forgive Rem, who mercilessly tortured him over a suspicion he might be in the Witch's cult?

This boy really is too kind for his own good.

"Why are you here?" Subaru asks with his hoarse voice.

"The brat and Bubby told me to come check on you."

Subaru's expression changes to a less tired expression as he says, "Puck and Emilia?"

"Since you were acting strangely, they suspect I did something to you when you first woke up, I suppose. Talk about rude!" Betty turns her away.

His expression changes back as he looks away from her and at the bed instead.

"I get it. I'm okay now. You came to apologize. That's enough."

"Why should I apologize to you, I suppose?!" Betty speaks in an annoyed tone before walking over to Subaru as she says, "I can't leave until I correct that preposterous notion."

She then stops. She steps back as she pinches her nose. "Not only do you look gloomy, but that disgusting scent I noticed before is heavier now. The scent of the Witch, I suppose. I feel like it's bending my nose."

"Wait a second." Subaru speaks next. "You mean the Witch of Envy?"

If they weren't in this situation, they would've all widened their eyes. The Witch? The only ones who were indifferent to this was Rem and Betty But what did Betty mean by "scent of the Witch"? Does that mean Subaru really is meant to be part of the Witch's cult? No, that wouldn't make sense. He's actively helping against the Witch's cult.

But why does he smell like the Witch? None of them could calm their minds down long enough to think. They felt their minds in a jumbled mess. Even though they weren't in pain, they could still remember how it felt when the chain was thrown against their stomach. Their heart racing as they felt Subaru's legs moving to run away. The pain. The fear. The weakness.

"Well of course I do. What else in this world would somebody mean when they bring up a witch." Betty speaks.

Subaru was confused by this, so he asks, "What are you talking about? Why do you smell her on me?"

Betty turns away and shrugs her shoulder as she replies, "Meh, I don't know. Regardless, as someone who receives special attention from her, you're a burden."

"It's not comforting to hear I'm getting special treatment from someone I've never even met."

"If you have nothing to say, I'm leaving. I'll tell Bubby everything that you told me here, I suppose. Goodbye" Betty then begins walking away before Subaru shouts out to her.

"Hey, wait a minute. You feel sorry for what you did to me, right?"

Betty continues walking toward the door as she says, "I do not." But then she stops as Subaru says, "I'm telling Puck."

She turns around with an annoyed expression as she clenched her teeth. She then turns around with her hand on her hip as she says, "Well, I might feel just a teeny tiny bit sorry, I suppose."

Without wasting a single second, Subaru says, "If you regret what you did, and want my forgiveness. Do me the one favor that I ask of you."

This shocks them. More specifically, it shocked Emilia, Betty, Rem, and... Julius. Did this young man really just trick a spirit into doing him a favor? Wilhelm only begins to feel more respect at his tactics. Well, they would've felt these things if they weren't forced to feel otherwise.

Subaru... had just tricked a great spirit into doing him a favor. What a tactic. Now, what is he going to ask? This wasn't a surprise to them as they could feel Subaru's thought going through their minds, but it was still shocking to see this play out in front of them.

"Fine, let's hear it." Betty speaks in a sad and annoyed tone.

Subaru straightens his back as he begins to speak. "I'm not sure what's happening, but I want you to keep me safe. Until the fifth morning comes, the day after tomorrow."

They both stare at each other. Finally, Betty responds.

"I don't want you bringing dissension into this mansion, I suppose. For various reasons, this place is vitally important to me."

"I have no intention of doing anything. I just want to stop any sparks from flying."

He continues to speak with a tone that makes it sound like he's losing his voice. His eyes show exhaustion.

"What an admirable motive for one who leaves even something like that in the hands of others."

Subaru looks down as Betty speaks. This time, all he can say is, "Strangely enough, for once, I have no response to that." He feels like he wants to cry, but he can't. He just feels so... hurt. Not surprising. How could he not?

Betty sighs before walking over to him as she says, "Hold out your hand." As she speaks, she also holds out her hand.

The others were confused by this, but Betty knew exactly what was happening. Why? How? So many questions and no answers. She would never have guessed that, in one of these "loops" as he calls it, would she ever have made a contract with him. Right now though, all she could do was watch.

Subaru looks at her with confusion. Betty just looks annoyed, and so, she decides to do it herself. She moves her hand to grab Subarus, intertwining their fingers.

Subaru looks in awe as Betty begins to speak.

"I have decided that I will grant your wish. I, Beatrice, on my honor am henceforth bound by this contract. Temporary of not, a contract must be upheld. I will grant you the nonsense favor you requested."

Emilia, Rem, Ram, and Julius were all shocked. They knew that Subaru had a contract with Betty, but that wasn't the point they were at. To think that Subaru had made a contract earlier than when Subaru saved her. But why did she decide to make a contract with him? Then, the Emilia camp all at once had the same question.

How will he die? If Betty made a contract with him, then what will cause him to die? Will it be the curse? But Betty said she'll keep him safe. She would've noticed if he had been cursed. So... How will Betty fail you, I suppose?

Subaru could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. "Come on, seriously?" He can't stop the tears. He places a hand over his eyes to hide them as he continues speaking.

"I'm gonna cry because of a little girl?"

Betty quickly gets mad as she crosses her arms and says, "Don't you ever call me a little girl, and if you tell Bubby, you're going to regret it, I suppose. Hmph."

Subaru looks up at her with a smile.

Usually, Betty would feel annoyed knowing that Subaru called her a little girl here, but this time, she'll forgive him. After everything he's been through, him calling her a little girl was the least of her problems. Her contractor, the one she promised to protect, has died three times in her protection already. How many more times will he die? She felt a pain in her chest. Why? Why is her contractor getting such unfair treatment? What has he ever done to deserve such mistreatment?

"Is it really that important to you? That desperation of yours is demonically inspired."

That night, he went to sleep. Although, he could barely sleep peacefully as he had a nightmare. A nightmare about Rem as she killed him.

Even seeing his dreams was new. Though, this dream hurt Rem more than anybody else. Not only did she kill her hero, but now he was scared and even having nightmares about her. Though, they were all surprised by what they saw next.

As Subaru was stuck in his nightmare, he suddenly felt two hands grab his. And with that, the nightmare vanished, allowing him to sleep peacefully.

None of them could make out what they felt. It was this sense of safety. They felt calmed.

"Come on, you can't keep sleeping forever, I suppose." A voice speaks.

Subaru opens his eyes to see a pair of legs. Betty keeps him, waking him up completely.

"Oh, that hurt." Subaru speaks as he falls on his back. Betty had brought Subaru to the forbidden library, where he stays a while. he also confirms that Betty was not the one who help his hands while he was asleep. He spends time reading any books he finds.

"They're calling." Betty suddenly speaks.

Subaru looks up at her with confusion.

"I've been summoned, I suppose." She lays down the book in her hands and jumps off her seat. She takes a few steps forward before putting her hand out, her palm facing the door. Then, something happens. It's hard to explain, but it surprises Subaru.

"Oh, that's right. You're here. I forgot, I suppose."

She starts walking toward the door as Subaru says, "Hey, hold on. If you go out there now-"

"Yes, it's fine if you want to stay. You'll be safe here, I suppose." She opens the door to the forbidden library and leaves.

This confused most of them. Why would Betty suddenly be summoned like that? Does he die now? He's in the forbidden library. He should be safe there. So... just what is going on? No answers.

Subaru stands up and walks to the door. He reaches for the doorknobs but pulls his hands back. Fear overtakes him, making his scared to open the door.

"Damn it. Come on, what the hell is this?"

Despite his fear, he opens the door, closing his eyes, expecting something to attack him. But nothing. He opens his eyes to see a window. Outside, the sun was out.

The sun. Did I... make it through the fourth night?

He begins to laugh quietly with relief. He walks out of the library as he says, "And I figured that doing so was next to impossible."

He falls to his knees, staring at the window.

"In the end, it was that easy."

He looks down with his eyes closed, laughing to himself as he felt like his very long nightmare was finally over. He then hears a familiar voice.

"Subaru?"

The all recognized the voice. It was Emilia. But what was Emilia doing now?

He turns to his right to find Emilia standing there.

"Emilia." He speaks.

Emilia looks worried, holding a hand to her chest as she says, "There you are. Where have you been?"

Why did Emilia look so nervous? What was happening? Nothing about this seemed right to the Emilia camp. The others were only curious as to what could have caused such a look on Emilia's face. But more importantly, the pain they felt. The pain that never went away. How much Subaru has gone through?

"Oh, I was just... uh." Subaru couldn't find the words to say.

"You know... " Emilia starts to speak but she pauses. She then shakes her head.

"No. Never mind." She begins walking toward Subaru as she speaks. "Here, come with me."

She reaches down and grabs Subaru's wrist, pulling him back to his feet. She then drags him through the hallway.

"Where are we going? Mily" Subaru speaks in a worried tone as he notices the look on her face. "Why are you making that face?"

It was the same question they all had. Her face showed a seriousness that they've never seen before. A worried look. Something was wrong. But nothing could prepare them for what happened next.

"Everything's going to be just fine now. I mean look, I'm still alive, right? And you're... Oh, I know. Let's go to the village. There's so much I want to do and tell you about. So much has happened."

After Subaru stops speaking, Emilia stops moving, letting go of his hand.

"Subaru." Emilia speaks before she turns around to face him with the same worried expression. Although now she looks more sad. This makes Subaru feel the same as he speaks.

"Wait, what's the matter?"

A loud scream.

A horrifying scream.

To say this scream didn't surprise him would be a lie.

Sissy? Rem thinks to herself. She wasn't the only one to notice who it was that screamed. The rest of the Emilia camp, including... Ram. A single thought. A terrifying thought came to her mind.

What could possibly make me scream like that? Unless... Rem? She didn't want to believe it. She wanted to throw the thought away, deny it, anything other than her thought being true. Anything. Is this why Subaru mentioned how much she cared about Rem? Even if she still doesn't remember Rem, if she screamed like this because something happened to her, then... she didn't know what to think. In fact, she wanted to cry.

The rest of the Emilia camp was on edge at the scream. The others were only startled by the scream, wondering what the source was.

The scream slowly turns to what is clearly crying. Subaru, hesitant at first, enters the room where the crying is coming from. Inside, the room is dark. Roswaal and Betty are standing near the door.

But that isn't what caught Subaru's attention first. It was the pink-haired maid sitting on her knees beside a bed, her head placed on it. She was the source of the crying. In the bed, the blue-haired maid. She was dead.

Seeing the blue-haired maid dead in front of them was a real shock. Ram, despite not having memories of Rem, was furious by what she was seeing. Her sister... was dead. Her sister was dead. Her sister was dead.

"But how?" Subaru speaks in shock. "Why... Why is Rem dead?" His voice was shaky. He doesn't know what to think.

He slowly walks toward the twins, his face showcasing his pain. He slowly reaches toward Rem's face before his hand is slapped away. It hurt. A voice then shouts at him.

"Don't you touch her! Don't touch Rem!"

Subaru turns his head toward the pink-haired maid. Tears were constantly flowing down her face. Seeing this expression, Subaru felt hurt. In pain.

Everyone was shocked. Ram was crying. The scene before them made them all want to look away in respect for the maid, but they couldn't. They were forced to look at the maid. Forced to watch this scene play out. Unable to do anything. Unable to change anything.

A question then came to Ram's mind.

If... If my sister died here, and it was enough to make me cry like this... I guess... I should be thankful Barasu died. No... That isn't right. Barasu may be helpless but wishing for him to die... especially after what I've seen and felt... wouldn't be right. But... How did he die? Did he not try to run away? If...

She didn't know what else to think. To think that her sister could've died. If her sister dying was enough to make her like this... Then... did she kill him? A terrible thought. How many times will Subaru die because of them.

Ram then continues speaking, pain in her voice. "Keep your hands off my little sister!"

He had no words. What was he supposed to say? Nothing. There was nothing he could say. Seeing Ram like this only pained him. He only looks down with guilt. He turns around and starts to walk away.

"It appears that she died of weakness. It was as if she just... fell asleep. The method was more of a curse than a spell." Roswaal suddenly speaks as Subaru makes it to the door.

It shocks him. He turns around to face the twins. A thought comes to his mind.

I thought it was Rem who used that curse. So she isn't the shaman?

Roswaal's voice gets deep as he says, "My dear guest, haaave you any idea what might've happened here? After this has happened to a dear member of my staff, I seem to be a tiiiny bit angry, you see.

Subaru only look at Roswaal as he speaks. He then feels someone tug his sleeve.

"Subaru." The voice speaks.

He turns to see Emilia, her expression the same as before.

"If you know anything then please tell us." Her expression gets more serious.

Subaru flinches before he looks away.

I just want to spill it all and get it off my chest.

He then remembers what happened when he tried to tell Emilia about Return by Death. It scared him. He shakes his head, trying to not think about it before suddenly, he feels something hit his cheek, making him flinch. He hears the sound of glass shattering behind him as he cheek is cut opened.

The pain sets in. He groans as he holds his cheek and turns around to see what was hit behind him. Another scene comes to his mind. When his neck was cut while Rem was torturing him.

This enraged the others. They didn't have time to think clearly as their minds were a jumbled mess. But now it was clear. Ram was the one who killed Subaru. This hurt the girl as the thought of her adding to his trauma was a lot. It actually enraged Emilia, Betty the most. Not only was Rem responsible, but it was both of them.

Why? How much more does Subaru have to go through?

He begins to feel intense fear as Ram shouts behind him.

"If you know something, you better tell me!"

He turns around to find her holding her palm out, facing him.

"I'm warning you!"

She begins charging up another attack.

"Wait! Ram! That's uh!" He tries to speak but couldn't say anything.

Luckily, the attack was blocked by Betty as she dispels the magic rushing toward Subaru.

"I always uphold my end of promises." Betty speaks from in front of Subaru. "As long as he continues to remain in this mansion, I am contracted to protect him, I suppose."

Ram is shocked as she says, "But Ms. Beatrice."

Betty turns to look at Roswaal. "Roswaal, he spent last night in the forbidden library. So surely, he couldn't have anything to do with-"

"There's no further need to emphasize the situation at hand." Roswaal interrupts. He raises his hands, and some colorful glowing orbs appear.

"However, Beatrice, if you agree to guard him with your life, you must have taken quite the liking to him."

"Save the jokes for your makeup and weird fetishes, I suppose." Betty shoots back with her arms crossed.

The two of them were now facing off. The mood in the room only scared Subaru further as he didn't understand anything. Confused of everything he was witnessing.

"Stop it! None of that even matters!" Ram suddenly shouts. She stands up and faces Subaru, tears flowing down her face, her hands gripping the helm of her outfit tightly. Her eyes show her anger as she stares at Subaru.

"Get out of the way! Let me through! I must avenge Rem! If you know anything, you have to tell me! Help me! Help Rem! Say something!"

There is a moment of silence as Subaru is unable to think of what to say. Not knowing what to do. He stands still, frozen, avoiding eye contact with anyone. Right now, all he feels is fear.

Ram extends her palm toward Subaru once again, ready to attack before Emilia steps in her way.

"I'm sorry Ram. Despite all this, I'm choosing to trust him."

Subaru looks at her in shock. She turns around to look at him.

"Subaru, please. If you can save Ram, if you can save Rem, I beg you. Please, do so."

He only feels hurt by her words, unable to speak about it, scared to say anything. He looks away, clenching his teeth before a single phrase exits him mouth.

"I'm sorry."

Emilia's eyes widen as if she just lost all hope. This frightens Subaru as he notices the look in her eyes. There's nothing he can do. So, he walks away, leaving the room. He quickly runs out, hearing explosions behind him. He hears one voice behind him.

"Subaru!" Emilia shouts to him. But there was another voice. One that screamed right after Emilia. A haunting scream.

"I'm going to kill you!"

He covers his ears as he continues running. He runs. Runs. Never stopping. He makes it outside, running through a forest.

I ran... as fast as I could. I ran away from them.

He trips as he runs up a hill. He catches his breath.

I can't go back there again.

"What choice did I have back there? What could I have..." He stands up and walks.

"And I was... having so much fun with them."

He starts to run again. Until he notices a familiar area. It was the place he died before.

This looks like... the place where I died.

"Is this it?" He slows to a stop.

"If I die..." Will I be saved from this whole situation?

His voice begins to shake as he says, "Of course, if I do, everything will change."

If I struggled and fought so hard, only to end up here. Then what's the point.

He then notices the edge of a cliff through the tree.

They were all in pain. They felt themselves out of breath. His voice speaking in their minds. They knew what he was going to do as they saw the cliff. If he... really going to jump off a cliff? Is this really how he dies? It hurt. Their hearts were hurting. Emilia, Betty, and Rem all wanted to force him away from the cliff. Of course, they couldn't.

Why? Why was Subaru always so... It's hard to explain. His depression. Everything that was happening, they felt it all. This was something they couldn't get used to. Why were they even seeing this to begin with? Where is Subaru? Nothing made sense.

"A cliff..." He walks over to the cliff, his feet standing at the edge as he looks on to the rocks below.

His breathing becomes shaky as he thinks to himself.

If I close my eyes and take one step, it'll all be over.

He closes his eyes as he faces the sky, still thinking to himself.

What will happen to me if I die again?

He opens his eyes and looks down at the rocks at the bottom of the cliff. He begins to move his right leg to take a step forward, but his legs begin shaking so much that he falls backwards. He looks at the edge of the cliff from the ground, his eyes twitching.

"It's just one more step. I can't even do something as simple as that."

He places his hands over his knees and rest his head on his arms as he faces the ground. Tears flow down his face as he thinks about how useless he is. He falls asleep.

Why? Why is Subaru forced to make such a decision? Not only that, but he feels useless that he can't kill himself easily. This raised another question for all of them. If he couldn't jump off the cliff, then how does he die? Will Ram kill him? Will she catch up with him? That thought made them all want to brace themselves.

A voice suddenly speaks.

"I finally found you."

He opens his eyes. Looking around, he finds Betty in front of him, closer to the edge of the cliff.

"W-Why?"

"What's the matter, I suppose?"

All of them were at disbelief. If Betty made to him, then how does he die? How will he die? Once again, they had no answers and were forced to watch through Subaru's eyes as this unfolds in front of them.

"Why did you come out here for me? Didn't I-" Subaru asks, his voice shaky.

"How quickly you forget. The contract I entered into was to protect you."

Subaru slowly sits up as he questions, "You're still my bodyguard? I thought you were only supposed to do that till this morning."

"In that case, you must be mistaken, I suppose." Betty stares at him with her same unchanged expression. She then walks toward him as she says, "I don't remember discussing a time limit."

He looks up at her, his face showing his shock. Betty's eyes narrow as her face becomes more serious.

"Clinging to faint hope just serves your own convenience, I suppose."

Subaru gasps at her words as she continues speaking.

"What was lost can never be reclaimed. You'll have no more chances to explain yourself to the older sister. That opportunity has come and gone. No matter which is lost, they'll never be complete again, I suppose."

Subaru can only look down as he thinks to himself. "But... I really cared about those two vary much." He looks up as he continues speaking.

"And I wanted to do whatever I could to protect them-"

"Why?" Betty interrupts. "What do you know about them, I suppose? Either way, they'll never be restored to what they once were. They can't be."

Subaru looks down with dull eyes as he speaks. "So, in the end, What I was really doing was making a selfish disgraceful fuss without actually knowing anything at all."

He closes his eyes as he realizes what he's been doing.

"At the very least, you need to die where I can't see you or I'll just have bad dreams, I suppose. So I'll do what i can to help you escape this territory."

Emilia, Betty, and Rem were all shocked by this. Does she really care so little for him to not care if he dies as long as she doesn't see it? They couldn't really dwell on this. Most of them had already accepted what was happening and decided to not think much about thing until they were sent back. Then they could talk to each other about what they saw and maybe find a way out. If there is a way out.

Subaru looks up to see Betty extending her hand to him. He grabs her hand to help himself up. An image flashes through his mind. He looks down at his hand as he starts to think.

"Come to think of it, back then, somebody was holding both of my hands."

He starts to remember. Back then, the ones that held his hands were...

Ram. Rem.

"If they couldn't bear to see me suffering and in pain, and they held both my hands. If that's the kind of people they are... How can I leave them?"

He remembers the sound of her voice. Her screaming, I'm going to kill you! A haunting scream.

I heard a voice filled with hatred. But more than that... Her cries were haunting. They won't leave my mind. All my life, I've always been the type to drift toward whichever path was easiest.

He starts to remember all the time he has spent with them in the mansion.

"Hey, Subaru. You're thinking of something pretty stupid here."

He remembers Rem's smile.

All these images were forced through their minds. They didn't even have control of their own thoughts. Forced to hear Subaru's voice in their minds, forced to see what Subaru imagines. Still a terrible feeling. None of them were in control, and that was scary.

"And after all that I went through to save this life." He remembers more memories he had with the twins.

"That's right. I simply saved my own life. So then..." What's wrong with taking the path that's easiest that will let me live longer? I'll decide how to use my life.

Betty looks as if she noticed something before she says, "Afraid you were a bit too slow."

Behind him, he can hear the sound of wind. He turns around to see Ram walking toward him. Her expression is one of pure rage and anger.

"I finally found you." She speaks, still walking toward him. "I'm not going to let you get away."

"Stay back, I suppose." Betty speaks as she moves in front of Subaru. "So long as my contract exists, I won't hold back, not even against you."

"And you, Ms. Beatrice, you seem to have forgotten we're not in the mansion now. We're in the forest, away from the forbidden library. Are you so certain that you'll be able to protect him from me?"

They both stare at each other with serious expression. Subaru moves behind Betty. Slowly, he grabs her twin drills and pulls them, surprising the spirit girl.

Was he really playing around right now? They could feel his resolve. His confidence. He seems to have picked himself back up. But now he was facing Ram, and he decides to play around? Just what was going on? They couldn't understand anything anymore.

With a proud smile, he places his hands on his hips as he says, "Oh yeah, that feels good."

This enrages Betty as she quickly turns around to shout at him.

"What are you doing you buffoon?! Do you want to die or something?!"

"Course not." He replies as he looks down at her. "Don't be dumb. that isn't what I want at all. I only wanna die once. At the end of a long and happy life.

He places a hand on her shoulder as he continues speaking. "That's how I really feel."

With his newfound resolve, he steps in front of Betty to face Ram who continues to stare at him in anger.

"You've got guts." Ram speaks. "So you finally accept your fate?"

"That's not a very accurate description. If anything, I would say that now I've made up my mind."

He bows as he says, "Sorry, I caused a lot of grief for you guys by being such a pathetic loser."

Ram lets out a sound to show her shock before she shouts to him. "So you do know something about Rem!"

He lifts his head. "Nope. Sorry, but I honestly don't know a thing. Frankly, there's too much I don't know. Even so, I decided to learn more about the things I don't understand, and to not be in the dark."

The makes Ram even angrier. She shouts at him. "How can you possibly say that?! My sister Rem is already dead! What can you do by learning anything now? It's way too late for that!"

"I won't make any cool statements about what I'll be able to do. After all, this is what happened when I couldn't do anything. I know better than anyone that my words aren't convincing in the least. But I do remember..."

He clenches his fist as he stares at Ram with a serious look. "I know parts of you two that you've forgotten."

"What are you saying?! What is it you think you know about Rem and me?!"

"Don't get me wrong! Can is the grand scheme of things, what I know doesn't really matter! But it does to me! And you have no idea what it is, do you?!

Ram's face was completely taken by rage as she demands, "Tell me!"

He takes a deep breath before he screams to the top of his lungs, "I care for all of you! Every one of you means the world to me!"

These words leave Ram in a state of shock. Subaru clenches his teeth before turning around and running as fast as he can toward the edge of the cliff.

"Wait!" Betty shouts from behind him, but he keeps running.

Memories he had with the residents of the mansion flash through his mind, further cementing his resolve.

"This is something only I can do!" He shouts before jumping off the cliff. His robes fly in the wind. Once again, Ram's scream sounds in his mind.

I'm going to kill you!

As he plummets to the ground, he screams as loud as he can. "I'm going to save you!"

He hits the ground. Natsuki Subaru dies once again.

Coughing.

The half-elf tries to catch her breath. Her stomach couldn't handle the feeling of falling off a cliff. She quickly gets to her hands and knees as she looks at the ground.

"Subaru." She says softly as she looks like she's about to cry. "Why? Is it so easy to throw your life away? Is this the price you paid to save everyone? If this is the price, then I..." She couldn't even finish speaking to herself as she felt herself about to throw up. She covers her mouth with her hand.

She turns to find Rem and Betty near her. They weren't much better than her. Did they all witness the same thing? Subaru threw his life away. He jumped off the cliff. The one who felt the worst out of them was Rem. Afterall, he died again because of her. To save her. He really is... such a kind person.

To forgive someone like her. It made her happy, but it also hurt knowing she was never going to receive a punishment from Subaru for her sins.

Ram had just woken up. She immediately threw up. She slowly moves, using the wall to help herself back up. Her eyes look exhausted and tired.

"Rem..." She utters. "Barasu... I'm sorry... Please forgive me... If I knew... I wouldn't have done this." She walks and walks, stumbling down the hall.

Crusch opens her eyes. She's disoriented. Slowly, she sits up onto her knees and tries to get her bearings. She then remembers someone.

"Ferris?" She turns to her left to find Felix already awake, still slouching against the wall with his hand on his stomach.

"Ms... Crusch... Are you... okay?"Crusch spaces out before she shakes her head. She looks at Felix with a smile as she says, "Yeah, I'm fine. What about you?"

Felix clenches his fist at the question before he replies, "I'm doing as fine as one can be is this plyace. We still have nyo idea what is happening. Why?"

Crusch turns away to face the ground as she thinks. "Is there any sort of magic that could do this? Is this even the work of a person?"

Petra opens her eyes once again. Her expression is that of someone who is dead. She drools as she just stares at the ceiling, unresponsive to anything around her. Wilhelm sits up as he places a hand to his head, trying to get his bearings.

"P-Petra!" He hears a voice from his right.

He turns to see Fredrica crouching with her hands on the barrier. She was looking at the broken girl in front of her. Noticing the girl as well, he stands up and walks over to her. But what can he do? There is no way he can just heal the girl's mental state. Then he gets an idea.

He kneels beside the girl and moves his arms to lift her up.

"What are you doing?" Fredrica asks.

"I have an idea that might help her. I believe it would be worth a shot. If it works, the girl should get better."

Fredrica has no response as Wilhelm walks away with the girl in his arms. He walks pass Julius, Anastatia, and Mimi. All of them are sitting in silence. Mimi's expression looks dead as Anastatia tries to keep herself together for Mimi's sake.

Julius is left contemplating what he just saw. His friend had jumped off a cliff. He threw his life away so easily. Even if his ability allows him to rewind time when he dies, it still takes a lot of resolve to actually kill yourself. Yet, Subaru did it to save that blue-haired maid. Someone who killed him.

Julius smiles softly as he thinks to himself.

You really are a kind person, Subaru Natsuki. Not many people would forgive a killer like her. If this was anybody else, I believe they would've tried to get revenge on that girl. But you forgave her.

Emilia, Rem, and Betty leave the kitchen.

"Let's go back to Crusch." Emilia speaks up.

All of their faces show dread and despair as they walk through the halls of the dark mansion.

Ram finally sees Crusch and Felix.

"Finally. It took me so long to get here. Huh?"

She notices that Emilia, Betty, and Rem are nowhere to be seen. Her blood runs cold as she thinks of the possibilities. Crusch notices her and turns to face her.

"You're Ram, the maid, correct?"

Ram looks around for Rem, but to no avail.

"Where is the blue-haired girl? Rem. Where is Rem?"

Crusch turns to face Felix as she speaks. "She walked off somewhere. Emilia and Ms. Beatrice followed her. I am unaware of their whereabout as of now."

Ram becomes scared. What if they already got to her? What if they... actually hurt her? She doesn't remember how close she was to her sister, but seeing how much Subaru cares about her made her want to protect her as well.

"Sissy?" A voice speaks from behind her.

Her eyes widen as she recognizes the voice. She turns around to find three girls. Emilia, Betty, and... Rem. They all look horrible. Their eyes were darkened, and their hair was messy. They were all in a terrible state. They also appeared nervous.

"Rem..." She speaks, staring at the blue-haired girl.

Rem avoids eye contact with her guilt-ridden face. Ram walks toward her before eventually wrapping her arms around the girl. A surprise to Rem as she doesn't understand why Ram is suddenly hugging her. Ram hugs tighter, as if Rem would vanish if she didn't. Tears form in her eyes before falling down her cheeks.

"I'm... I'm so glad you're okay... I... I..." She can't even speak as she starts to cry.

Emilia and Betty stand behind Rem as they both look away in guilt. Both of them were about to kill her. One question remained in everyone's minds. Why? Why was this happening? Still, no answers. All they got was despair. To think Subaru has gone through all of that. He truly is... an amazing person.

"Ms. Crusch." Another voice suddenly speaks.

It was Wilhelm. He was carrying Petra in his arms as everyone looks at him with shock.

"Wilhelm?" Crusch speaks out first before standing up to face him.

"What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to get her out of the mansion?" Emilia speaks as she steps forward toward the old man.

Wilhelm looks in pain as he turns to face the half-elf. He bows his head.

"My apologies, Ms. Emilia. But it appears that none of us can leave the barrier."

This information makes them all look distraught. They can't leave the barrier? Why? Are they trapped? Wilhelm turns to look at Crusch.

"I was hoping Felix might be able to do something about this girl's mind. Since we can't leave the barrier, I believe we'll only see and experience even worse. If we can do anything to help this child, I think it is worth a shot. Whatever entity decided to force this on her is truly terrible."

Felix coughs before he stands up.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe I can do anything about her mental state, nya. I'm sorry." He bows at a ninety-degree angle, filled with guilt for not being able to help this suffering girl.

Julius, Anastatia, and Mimi all sat in silence, not knowing what to say. The effects of what they saw hit them, making them silent.

Then, reality shifted yet again. They all began to feel sick. This time, everyone in the mansion falls unconscious quicker than last time.

He opens his eyes to find himself back in bed.

"That familiar ceiling again."

"Sister, sister, it would appear that are guest is still have asleep."

"Rem, Rem, for one who's so young in age, it's quite sad how out of it he is."

Two familiar voices speak. He sits up to find two girls in maid outfits standing in front of him with their hands together. Ram and Rem.

In a dark void, she woke up.

Petra coughs as she finds her way to her hands and knees. She felt... fine. Her mind was no longer broken.

"Huh?" She speaks, obviously confused by where she was. Despite being in a black void, she could still see her hands and body. She places a hand on her forehead. She was... fine. She takes a deep breath before standing up. She looks around to find nothing. Not a single thing she could see. Only her body was visible.

Suddenly, a bright light blinds her. She raises her hands to cover her eyes from the light. She closes her eyes. The light eventually vanishes. Slowly, she opens her eyes. She was now standing within a field. A blue sky above her. Green grass below her. The wind blows her maid uniform and hair. Her eyes widen at the sight.

Where am I? She questions herself.

"I see... Welcome... Petra." A voice speaks from behind her.

It sounds like a man with a softer voice. Upon hearing the voice, she turns around to find the source. In front of her, a person stands. Their clothes consist of a black cloak that covers their whole body, a hood over their head. Their eyes weren't visible, but his mouth was. He was smiling.

Behind the man was a house. The man tilts his head as he speaks.

"Would you like to come in? I can make us something to eat."

Despite the man seemingly wanting to be calming, it only made Petra afraid as she looks around the vast and open field. Not a thing in sight besides the grass, sky, house, and strange man. Despite her suspicions of the man, she accepts.

Petra sits on a couch inside the house, nervously fidgeting with her hands. The man comes to her with two plates. He places one of them in front of her before sitting beside her and placing the other plate in front of himself.

"Eat up. I made it myself." The man speaks in an eccentric tone, startling Petra.

She closes her eyes, obviously scared by what is happening. Who was this man? Where were they? Nothing made sense. But she does feel some relief. Relief to be free from that hell in the mansion. Opening her eyes, she turns to look at the man who had already begun eating.

"U-Um..." She tries to speak. "Who are you?"

The man freezes at the question. He just realized he hadn't introduced himself. He puts his plate down before standing up. Petra becomes more nervous. The man walks in front of the table to stand before the young girl.

He bows as he places a hand on his stomach and places one foot behind the other. "I'm sorry. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is... Satella."

"Huh?" It was all the girl could speak out. Satella? The Witch of Envy? But isn't the witch said to be a half-elf with silver hair? A girl? Wasn't the person before her a man? She couldn't tell if the man was a half-elf with silver hair as his black cloak was still covering his eyes, ears, and hair.

"Y-You mean... The Witch of Envy?"

The man... Satella finally realized the mistake the girl had made and immediately tries to talk to her.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, I'm not the Witch. I just..." He looks away as he scratches his cheek and thinks to himself. He turns back to the girl as he smiles and says, "I'm not the Witch. I'm just... using her name. For reasons I can't say, I can't tell you my real name."

Petra tilts her head in confusion. "So... are you the reason that..." She pauses as she remembers everything she saw and felt in the mansion. "That everything in the mansion is happening?"

Satella goes quiet. His smile fades. Finally, he answers her question.

"I am."

Her eyes widen. He... did all that? But how? Why? She had to know. She quickly gets up as she shouts in anger.

"W-Why?! Why did you do all that?! All that pain and suffering! Why did you do that to us?! To everyone. Why make us suffer so much?"

Satella's expression is serious as the girl shouts at him. He then says something that shocks the girl to her core.

"This is it alright for Subaru to go through all that?"

"Wha? No!"

"Then why is it all of a sudden not right for everyone else to go through that? Subaru has suffered so much to save all of you, yet he doesn't get nearly as much praise and thanks as he should. Do you know how much he suffered to save you? To save your village? You don't. Of course you don't. Because that's his curse. He's forced to suffer all for the sake of others. That's how kind he is. If he wanted, he could have just run away and live happily without suffering. Yet, he stays with you all and suffers to save you, to save everyone. Well I'm done. I'm tired of all this suffering with you guys all oblivious. It's about time you guys learn just how much he goes through to make you happy. Then... Then he'll make a choice. Somehow though, I think I know just what his decision will be. You guys' better hope he makes it."

Petra can only look down at what he was saying. He's right. He's gone through all this and yet... none of them even knew. He couldn't even tell them. She begins to cry.

"Subaru..." Her voice is shaky as she falls to her knees. "I'm sorry." She wraps her arms around herself as she shakes. "Please... forgive me. I'm sorry. Subaru... where are you?"

The girl looks down with her eyes closed as the man just looks at her.

"You want to know where Subaru is?"

At the words, she quickly opens her eyes and looks up to find the man closer to her.

"I sent Subaru back home. He's with his parents." He then kneels in front of the girl and places his hand on her chin to move her head, so she looks him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Petra. I really am. But... Subaru's life will only become worse. What he's been through... It's quite amazing that he can still smile. So... I'm going to make a deal with you."

She takes a gulp as the tears continue to flow. "A... A deal?"

He nods before grabbing her by the hand and helping her back up. He wipes her tears away with a smile.

"I'll give you three options. You can go to Subaru, though your mind will be the same as before you came here. You can go back to the mansion and continue to experience Subaru's memories. Or you could go to right outside the barrier. Your mind will be fixed, but... I'll be there with you. I'll be able to follow you around and see what you see. You'll also have to follow my orders. Oh, you also won't be able to talk about me. It'll be your own talking taboo."

"I can... see Subaru?" She questions. Is he serious? Can he really do that? What does she do? Is it really alright for her to leave everyone else behind? Especially if they have to suffer even more. She couldn't think of the right thing to do. A thought came to her mind.

What would Subaru do? Subaru wouldn't run... right?

Her body begins to shake as she sweats.

What do I do?

...

...

...

...

...

In front of him, the twin maids stood with frightened expression. His sits up in bed as he tries to speak. Nothing comes out. What is he supposed to say? He looks down with his eyes closed as he clenches his teeth.

"What's wrong sir? Do you feel unwell? Is there pain?" Rem asks as her and her sister walk over to the side of Subaru's bed.

"What's wrong sir? Do you have a chronic illness flaring up?" Ram speaks next.

"Let me see your hands." Subaru suddenly speaks as he grabs one hand from each of them, intertwining his fingers with theirs as he closes his eyes and remembers the time someone held his hands while he was having a nightmare.

Ram and Rem immediately recognized what was happening. This is it. Ram may not remember Rem being here, but this is exactly what happened between her and Subaru when he woke up.

They would've cried tears of joy at this. He was safe. He won't have to die anymore. But one thought never came to either of their minds. For Rem, it was hpw he knew about the witch's cult attack. For Ram, it was the sanctuary. None of them had time to think about this.

They were only happy that Subaru won't have to suffer. He'll be safe. But their minds were messed up. No, that isn't right. It wasn't their minds. It was his. Subaru's mind was messed up.

He sighs. So it's true then. Thought so."

He looks up at Rem and Ram as he says, "I'm glad I wasn't mistaken."

He goes through some more teasing with Rem and Ram as he puts on a smile to hide how he really feels. Soon, Emilia walks in. He quickly cheers up, ready to start the day. He decides to once again work at the mansion.

It was here that Emilia recognized something she remembered. This was it. This is how she remembers meeting him after he woke up. But now, she has a deeper understanding for the way he acted. He was afraid. The whole time, he was afraid. He was trying his hardest so that he wouldn't be killed.

This also added more understanding for Rem. Subaru's strange behavior made a lot more sense. He was afraid of her. He didn't want her to kill him. She only felt worse.

As he goes about his chores, memories of his previous deaths and everything he has learned flash through his mind. He has two goals. The first is to earn the trust of the residents. Not just the twins, but Roswaal as well. He second goal was to stop the shaman that attacks the mansion.

Even though the little spirit was worried Subaru might die again, it made her happy that Subaru did not see her as an obstacle. It made her oh so very happy.

During one of Subaru's breaks, he learns more about magic. He also learns that he has shadow magic which is basically all debuffs. He also fails at casting a spell called shamak which leaves him unable to move. But he pushes himself harder, not wanting to waste a single second.

It hurt. It hurt to see and feel this. Wanting to work your hardest, afraid of dying if you fail. Wanting to please everyone so you don't die. It wasn't just the Emilia camp that felt this way. Everyone else felt the same. Afterall, now they knew just a little bit more about Subaru.

He isn't some grand hero that came out of nowhere to save everyone. He is a kid. A young kid taken from his home and thrown into a dark world where he is forced to suffer for those he cared about while not being able to ask for help. It was downright unfair.

What kind of knight is Julius if he can't even help a person like Subaru Natsuki. Wilhelm felt the same way. He knew what he saw in Subaru's eyes, yet he didn't even try to help. Crusch and Felix also felt guilty. Crusch only helped Subaru because he could help her when all Subaru wanted to do was save his friends.

How dare Felix speak ill of the way Subaru acted before the White Whale battle? If this is what he has gone through, it only makes sense he'd act out. But what did he do? Nothing.

All of them were guilty. Why couldn't they just help this lost and suffering boy? Just how much more has he gone through in order to save everyone? They couldn't bear the thought. It would hurt them too much.

"Is that really your choice?" Satella speaks.

Petra clasps her hands together as she stares at the person before her. Tears forming in her eyes as she nods.

He sighs. "I see. Can I really not convince you otherwise? From that choice"

The girl looks down as she grips her hands together tighter. "I'm sorry. But if I left everyone there, I don't think I could ever look Subaru in the eyes. I hope Subaru will forgive me."

"He will. I'm sure of it. But... your mind won't be repaired like it is here. It will go back to the way it was. I'll ask you one more time. Are you sure this is what you want? There are still two other options."

Petra nods once again. "I'm sure. I may not be able to handle it, but it isn't fair for Subaru to experience all this. I want to understand and help him. That's why... I'm making this choice."

Her eyes show determination as she stares at the man. She holds her hands close to her chest.

He sighs.

"I see."

Satella walks up to the girl. He places a hand on her hand, calming her down and stopping her from crying.

"Somehow, I thought you'd make this decision. You're a strong girl. How about I help you. I'll repair your mind a bit. I can't do it fully unless I'm with you."

"Really?" Petra replies.

Satella nods.

"If you change your mind, just call out my name, Satella."

Petra looks at him in confusion making him drop his smile for a second. He smiles again before he speak.

"Man, you really are so adorable in that maid outfit, Petra. Please, stay strong."

Petra is confused by his statement. But after, she shows determination. She nods her head once again.

"Right. I'll make sure to remember everything. I won't let him be alone ever again."

Black fog slowly consumes Petra from her feet. Startled, she looks down with an expression that says she's about to cry.

"Don't worry, Petra. He will forgive you for this. I'm sure of it."

Petra looks up at him with confusion. She then smiles. As the fog continues to consume her, she notices something. She can see the man's eyes through his cloak. His eyes look... hurt. The fog consumes her completely before dissipating. Petra has vanished, leaving Satella alone.

His smile fades. He stands frozen for a few seconds before biting his lip, making himself bleed. A tear flows down his right cheek.

"Why, Petra? If you had me send you to outside the barrier, your mind would've been fixed. So why choose an option that leaves your mind broken?"

He slowly stands up straight.

"Oh, that's right. It's Petra. Maybe this is a better choice. Subaru... Heh... It feels weird saying that name. Satella sounds better."

Emilia gives Subaru a bocco fruit that gives his gate more mana. He apologizes but she tells him it's more satisfying to hear a "thank you" than a lot of "sorry"s

The next day, he goes to Betty.

"You want to know more about shamans, I suppose? Betty speaks.

"Yeah, like how do you avoid curses for instance?" He asks.

Betty looks away as she says, "There is no way to do so. It's impossible to undo a curse once it's activated, I suppose. One they've begun, that's it. That's what curses are."

Subaru looks to the side nervously as he says, "It's possible to nullify instant death resistances?"

He spends some more time learning about curses, how they're placed, as well as shamans. He also learns that Betty did not kill him in his sleep.

The next day, he wakes up with a huge burst of energy.

He stands outside as he shouts as loud as he can, "Good morning! It's another sunny day. Perfect for drying laundry. Let's make this day filled with happiness. Make this a day of victory! Victory!"

The whole day, he spends acting energetic, trying to make himself as useful as possible why pleasing everyone around him. One phrase repeats in his mind throughout the whole day.

I feel sick... I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick... I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick, I feel sick...

Look at himself in the mirror, he thinks to himself. I should be able to laugh better. I should be able to make them laugh better. I can't fail this time. I can't waste a single second. I have to throw all my strength into my work and produce some kind of results or..."

He notices someone behind him. Ram. He quickly puts on a smile as he turns to face her.

"Oh, Ram. I wasn't slacking. I'll finish up all my work, just you wait. Now why don't go kick back in your room and take a well-earned siesta while I..."

He can't keep it up. In the bathroom connected to one of the bedrooms, he has the sink running as he sounds like he's throwing up, coughing as the water runs.

Their minds were messed. The felt sick. They were being forced to smile and work hard while their minds were only able to think about what would happen should he fail to make everyone happy. A terrible thought.

"Damn, I look so lame." He speaks to himself.

He turns the water off as he says, "I don't have time to spend whining like this."

He looks at himself in the mirror. "You idiot."

Seeing Subaru's reflection, he looked terrible. But it wasn't just the way he looked. They could tell he was scared. Scared of being useless. If he didn't show his usefulness, he would be killed. That is what he thought. It's a terrible thing. He shouldn't have been forced through such traumas to begin with. Yet, this kid is one who has saved all of them and helped all of them.

But seeing how messed up his mind was, made them all think to themselves. When has Subaru ever been truthful about what he's been through? Sure, he couldn't outright say it, but he could've asked for some comfort or something. But he decides to take everything on his own. Do everything himself. Even if he does ask for help, it isn't for what he has gone through.

Wiping his mouth, Subaru leaves the bathroom and bedroom, out into the hall.

"Subaru." He suddenly hears from behind him, a familiar voice.

He puts on a smile before turning around as he says, "Emilia-tan!"

But Emilia doesn't look happy. She walks toward him as she says, "Subaru, come with me."

His mind, still messed up, he tries to play it off.

"Uh oh, a personal invitation? From Emilia-tan? This is moving so fast. How joyous, how embarrassing, how rare. Say anything, tell me to do anything. For you, I'd dive in a fire, water, the loot house, anywhere."

"Listen to me." Her voice is soft and quiet, making Subaru calm down a bit.

"Hey, come on. The Emilia-tan I know would never so cold." He speaks as he crosses his arms.

He then turns defensive. "Wait! Are you some kind of fake? No way, that's impossible. How could anyone else be so capable of looking so gorgeous that when I see her all I want to do is hug her."

"Alright." Emilia replies in a serious tone.

She grabs him by the wrist and drags him into the bedroom as she says, "Subaru, you heard me. Let's go."

Standing in front of the bed, Emilia says, "Now sit down right here." She points at the ground in front of the bed.

Confused, Subaru replies, "Can't I sit on the bed or a chair? Why does it have to be the floor?"

"Just sit down!" She demands.

Subaru quickly rushes to sit on the floor as he says, "With pleasure, right away. Yes ma'am."

Emilia sits on her knees beside him. They sit in silence as Subaru is obviously confused.

The silence is then broken by Emilia. "Only this once, alright?"

She places her hand on Subaru's head. She moves his head to lay on her lap, leaving Subaru bewildered.

She moves her thighs as she says, "Your position is a little weird, and it tickles a bit."

"I can rest in your lap?" He suddenly blurts out.

"Don't say that out loud, it's embarrassing." She quickly responds as Subaru turns to look at her.

"And no looking up here, face the wall, close your eyes." She quickly speaks as she moves his head to face the wall before covering his eyes.

Subaru chuckles a bit before replying, "You're even more adorable when you're embarrassed but, why did you suddenly let me do this anyway? I mean, when did I do something worth enough to earn a reward this awesome?

"Enough of that weird tough act. You don't need to do that right now." She speaks in a soft tone that makes his eye twitch. "Isn't this what you wanted? Didn't you tell me to lend you my lap when you were exhausted?"

She slowly strokes his hair as she continues to speak softly. "I can't do this all the time... but today is special."

His front wavering, he chuckles before replying to her words, a smile on his face.

"Hey, it's only my second day of working here. If I'm already completely worn out, what kind of weakling am I?"

But it seems Emilia saw through this act. "It's plain to see you're overwhelmed about something, but you're not going to tell me what's really going on, are you? I don't know if doing this will make things any easier for you. But if it helps at all, then I'm happy to."

Hearing these words, his front wavers again, but he can't let up. He can't. He won't. He chuckles again as he holds his tears in.

"Emilia-tan, come on now. You don't have to."

"Are you tired?"

"N-No, I'm totally fine. Really." His voice begins to shake.

"Do you feel troubled?"

"If you're this nice to me, I'm gonna fall in love with you. Wouldn't you, I mean, like that."

"It's been rough, hasn't it."

Just like that, all the pain and suffering that was going through his mind shattered and vanished as he finally begins to cry. He begins to speak his mind.

"Yeah. It was rough. It was so painful. I was just so terrified. I was so sad, it hurt. It hurt so much I thought I'd died. I tried so hard and I... I couldn't get things to work out! I was so desperate to set things right. So desperate to make everything turn out okay! It's the truth. I honestly never tried so hard to do anything in my entire life."

"Yes, I know." Emilia replies in her soft voice as all she does in listen.

"Because I love this place so much. Because it was so important to me. I was so scared. I just... I was so desperate to set everything right again. I didn't want... those eyes looking at me like that. It was so completely terrifying. And I hated myself so much... so much for feeling that way!"

He grips his hair as he cries with his head in Emilia's lap. He falls asleep.

She wakes up in a cold sweat, gripping her chest as tears flow from her eyes. Emilia doesn't even bother to get up as she lays on her back and stare at the ceiling.

"Subaru... I didn't know you felt that way. Why? Why did this happen? Why did you have to suffer so much? Can you truly smile after this?" She speaks to herself.

"Ms. Emilia." Wilhelm speaks to get her attention.

She turns to find Wilhelm on one knee. He has a concerned expression. In his hands was Petra. She was unconscious.

"Pe... tra." She speaks in a hoarse voice.

Author Note: Hey, sorry for not uploading in a while. I am still working on this fanfic and am planning to rewrite earlier chapters to match the current writing style and to make it easier for new readers to understand as I've heard the earlier chapters were kinda hard to understand between Emilia and the others and Subaru's memories. Thanks for reading.