Princesses don't cry.
That was the simple rule that Celestia had known since she was a little filly: Princesses aren't just regal and pretty things to serve as a good symbol of the nation or as a fantasy to other fillies.
Princesses were important ponies in charge of countless lives, ponies who never faltered because they had to save face lest their foreign adversaries sense weakness. Ponies who don't allow sadness to be seen, because it can't be afforded.
"Princesses don't cry over trivialities like broken raggedy dolls, Tia."
"Y-Yes, Mother..."
Like the detached limb of a foal's doll accidentally destroyed by an unaware but not ill-intentioned little sister, a royal must be detached from their emotions so that they can be strong, unflappable rulers that would lead the nation to prosperity.
They cannot be small-minded. They must focus on the bigger picture and forget the raggedy to the rot so they can concern themselves only with that which is of the most import.
...In the quiet hours, a white lanky little filly quietly let the needle held aloft in their magic thread through their toy, desperate to restore what they could. The stitches would prove to be messy and ineffective, doing more damage to the beloved doll than had already been done.
The sniffles barely started when she was caught.
"Stop being foalish, daughter of mine. This is unbecoming of any pony of your station."
"Yes, Father... Sorry Father..."
That day, Celestia learned how to choke back her tears. That day, she learned...
Little fillies may cry.
But Princesses don't cry.
Princesses don't cry.
Celestia knew this lesson well by the twilight of her youth. Though it was a time of division, that did not exclude the potential for mirth and connection, such as the Grand Galloping Gala.
Though only the most noble of ponies could attend, it was a new and joyous occasion nonetheless.
It was the first time in a long time that ponies of all kinds could come together in harmony, enjoying the festivities and the company of one another, relishing in the warmth of each other as the year came to its close and a new one began.
Celestia and her little sister relished in the chance to see others so happy, to see that they were moving on from the days of division and-
"-And to see that we may all usher in a new and prosperous age in the coming years!" Luna's voice carried over the halls as she stood atop the flight of stairs within the venue the gala was being held at.
With her darker color scheme and smaller body, Luna couldn't command ponies' attention on sight the way that Celestia did. Nevertheless, she had certainly learned how to ensure crowds would listen to her with that booming, commanding voice she possessed.
Celestia smiled up at her sister, while her eyes sweeping the gala for any sign of a coat of grey fur and a charming smile, her own heart slightly aflutter as she thought about the stallion that was Variable Heart.
The brave Pegasus stallion who had been the first to ever ask her to dance.
Her search was interrupted by the sudden sound of flapping wings and the quick clack of hooves landing on stone flooring. With her sister now beside her, the white Alicorn turned to meet her night counterpart with a smile. "A wonderful speech, dear sister. You certainly have a way with words."
"Only because Father cared so much about how little I deigned to speak as a filly." Luna sighed with less enthusiasm, a subtle frown on her face as she scanned the crowd. "Not that it mattered much with their wandering eyes."
"Wandering eyes, Luna? I thought they were all rather firmly fixed upon you," Celestia said, a wing unfurling from her side to gently and playfully poke her sister. "The chancellor's daughter certainly seemed to be hanging on your every word."
"A petal alone doesn't share the beauty of the flower." Luna muttered with a frown, Celestia's own smile faltering at her sister's oddly quiet and unhappy response. "You did not see how many eyes refused to meet me even as I addressed them all."
"Perhaps its just the excitement of the night? It-"
Celestia's attempt to cheer her sister up was cut short by the sight of a pony with a chocolate-brown coat approaching, a ruff around his neck making him a hazard to his fellow pony as he walked up in a gaudy purple long coat and shoes.
"Your highness!" He called out to Celestia with a smile, before turning to the smaller Alicorn and nodding. "Princess Luna! What a fortuitous opportunity, I have a question to ask you if I may be so bold!"
"Have you ever not been, Chancellor Rumplefeathers?" Luna asked with a tired sigh and an expression that begged for her own head to be mounted to the castle wall so that she could escape this conversation. Celestia meanwhile quickly sucked in her bottom lip.
"I'll let you talk, I, uh, have my own business I need to attend to!" Celestia quickly fibbed, hurrying away before her sister or the chancellor could protest as she sucked in her bottom lip, shoulders shaking gently as she did her best to hold down a small fit of giggles.
It was rude to laugh at another's name and Equestria was certainly not shy of names that were on the nose but... even by Celestia's standards, Rumplefeather was just too silly a name to not laugh at, every time she heard it.
With a gentle shake of her head, a smile of true joy appeared on her face. Not the polite one she wore simply for the sake of appearing less threatening to others but one that was in sync with the happy feeling bursting from her heart as she trotted through the Gala looking for her stallion. Perhaps he was in the gardens or maybe she'd find him-
"What a gentlecolt!" A giggling voice shouted and Celestia turned to it, eager to spot young love blossoming among her subjects. At least she was until her eyes landed on said 'gentlecolt', the smile she was wearing disappeared in an instant as she saw Variable Heart flirting with a group of Mares.
Unless... perhaps it was a misunderstanding?
"Variable?"
The way he froze up, the hesitation in his eyes as he turned to her and most damningly the lipstick mark he failed to notice on his cheek... It all painted a picture. A picture of a knife cleaving her heart in two.
"Ah, Celes-"
That was as much as he got to say before Celestia turned, her eye twitching as she picked up her pace, hurrying towards the backroom. She needed to get away before anyone saw her, she needed to hurry and get to her bedroom, moving faster and faster.
She saw Luna ahead, her eyes ablaze with a fire. Perhaps she had seen what that treacherous pegasus had done? This proved not to be the case as she heard her sister's angered tone.
"So no, chancellor, I will NOT shorten my blessed nights to a paltry four hours, you ignoramus!"
If Celestia weren't so concerned with her own emotions in that moment, she might have decided to stop and ask Luna about that argument. As it was, Celestia simply hurried out into an empty hall, coming to a stop.
She felt a stinging on the edge of her vision, a slight blur as she reached a hoof up and wiped at her eyes. She could feel the pressure building...
She closed her eyes and a violent shudder wracked her body as cold, disapproving eyes stared back at her as she stood a little more rigid. With a dry swallow, she put on a polite smile and fought back the urge to let the tears flow.
Jilted lovers may cry.
But Princesses don't cry.
Princesses don't cry.
Celestia knew that. She knew that no matter what occurred, no matter the trials she faced...
She'd refuse to shed a tear again.
But how could she have ever prepared herself for this?
Because... She had done it.
She had banished her sister.
Sweet Luna, her precious baby sister that she was supposed to protect and care for, the sister she was supposed to look after...
The sister whose silhouette twinkled in the moon back at her, as Celestia's chest heaved and her limbs trembled beneath her, the sparkle of the stars feeling far more mocking than miraculous as she looked at her own doing.
"Luna... I'm so... So sorry.." She muttered, her breath hitching as she stared at the moon, her horn sparking to life with the glow of her magic, a soft yellow aura surrounding the lunar body.
Celestia felt bile rise in her throat. It felt wrong for her magic to wrap around the moon, it felt like a sin for her to be pulling it below the horizon, as she kept staring ahead, her expression vacant.
Because how could she be thinking anything right now, when all that was in her head was screaming? So much screaming...
As the moon dipped below the horizon, Celestia already felt far too tired to continue with her duties. Perhaps... Perhaps the night could stay, just for a while...
"Princess!" A voice shouted out, Celestia being startled from the woeful depths of her thoughts as she looked back to see a maid. Her heart skipped a beat upon spotting the silver-furred Clutter Clean stepping inside, Luna's own personal maid.
Her.. former personal maid...
"Is something wrong?! I heard a commotion, I can send for the guards!" She said as she looked up, only to pause as she saw Celestia's face, pulled taut, the slightest twitch in her eye and her breathing... It was so shallow. "Princess? ...Where's... Where's Princess Luna? Why is it still dark?"
"...Gone, my little pony." Celestia said with somber finality as she pushed herself to her full height, watching as Clutter's eyes widened, before the young maid fell to her knees. "She is gone. I... I'm sorry."
"...P-Princess..." Clutter muttered quietly, her entire body trembling as her eyes began to tear up, the sun princess watching as her own body tensed and she looked to the sky.
Celestia's heart beat against her chest, feeling like it was being pierced by barbed wire with every beat. Still, as she watched Clutter's entire body begin to tremble, the sounds of sobbing filling the air, she closed her own eyes and took a deep breath.
'Princesses don't cry.'
With that thought, she looked up to the sky and focused on all the ponies who still needed her. The ponies who needed the sun. Her horn glowed, and on the horizon, light started to spill over the land.
Yet though the sun shined on Celestia's coat, her heart didn't feel its warmth as she used the cold like a shield, to not crumble beneath the weight of her actions, as Clutter's quiet sobs filled the room.
Subjects may cry.
But Princesses don't cry.
Princesses don't cry.
They compartmentalize, they reprioritize, they negotiate and they never waver. That was how Celestia kept stoic through countless sessions in the royal court. Through hapless advice from ill-minded ponies that would start conflicts they could not comprehend and how she kept up the facade she called a smile through the endless machinations of the universe working against her.
Few things could shake Celestia at this point. Few things... but not nothing.
"YOU'RE SABOTAGING ME!" Sunset Shimmer's voice echoed off the halls of the throne room, her teal eyes shaking as she glared at her mentor with a fire that almost made the celestial monarch flinch from the heat. Almost. "You don't like how fast I'm learning!"
"That is NOT why I stripped your research materials." Celestia said, her voice firm as she walked down the steps of her throne, to stand tall above Sunset, silently hoping it reminded her da-... her student, of the ancient alicorn's position so that it might dissuade her tantrum.
"So what if I had a few restricted books?!" The fiery-coated unicorn demanded petulantly, slamming a hoof into the ground twice over, even as she subtly backed away the closer Celestia came. "You said I'd learn them eventually! That power is my right to learn as much as your USELESS 'formal party' lessons! THOSE SPELLS ARE FAR MORE IMPORTANT FOR ME TO KNOW!"
"When the time is right and due!" Celestia snapped back despite herself, her wings flaring out as her eye twitched, making Sunset genuinely jump back from the sudden movement, the princess' imposing stature becoming fully apparent. "When you are old enough. When you are mature enough, which at this rate, you will never be!"
"...So you lied to me." Sunset said simply, making her mentor pause, her brow furrowing as she processed Sunset's words with confusion.
"Sunset... When did I ever lie?"
That, it turned out, was the wrong thing to say. Sunset's right eye twitched slightly, the light reflecting on her perfectly to reveal a tear rolling down the unicorn's cheek as Celestia hesitated.
"'Sunset! You'll be as strong as me someday!' 'Sunset, if you follow your lessons you might get to become a Princess too!' 'Sunset, you're getting better with magic everyday, you might be as strong as an alicorn someday'!" Sunset repeated things Celestia knew she had said to the girl. Said to her as a young filly, to encourage her to keep growing and learning.
Words that Sunset had taken to heart more than Celestia had realized. Words that were now cutting her dau- her student's heart to pieces all by Celestia's own lack of foresight.
'Nothing new there.' A traitorous voice whispered in the back of her mind.
"Ever since I tried to get better, to be more like you, you have done nothing but cut me off and tell me no at every opportunity!" Sunset shouted, an ugly sound rattling through her throat as she glared at the alicorn. "Are you scared of a second Princess, is that it?!"
Celestia's breath hitched as she stared at Sunset. For a moment, she didn't see her charge glaring at her but a pony, a pony that shared her height, trembling with rage.
With jealousy.
She couldn't... She couldn't do this again! She needed to set this right now, to set Sunset's expectations straight, she needed to help her!
...
"Princesses don't cry."
The silence that took over the room was louder than anything Celestia had heard in her life, as Sunset slowly raised a hoof to her cheek, feeling her own tears.
That... That wasn't what she meant!
"Sunset, that wasn't-" Celestia couldn't finish her sentence before the orange unicorn turned and sprinted towards the door, her horn lighting up teal. The alicorn's eyes widened as Sunset teleported to Equestria knows where in the castle, as Celestia held out a hoof.
"SUNSET!"
She stared for a few moments at the empty space, before her eyes snapped down to her outstretched hoof, which she promptly stomped into the ground.
'Celestia, you... you... YOU IDIOT!' She shouted at herself internally, rushing forward and using her magic to slam the front doors open, unfurling her wings to try and pick up whatever speed she could.
The worst part was, Celestia knew deep down she had repeated a mistake.
She had failed to acknowledge something she knew, something her own father had been too blind to see. Her eye felt a sting as something watered up but she shook it away as she forced open the doors to Sunset's quarters, only to find her belongings missing.
Every part of Celestia was screaming but deep down she was holding on hard to the only thing that was keeping this dreadfully familiar feeling from ripping her soul apart again. The only thing she could hold onto even as she cursed the very same thoughts for what they wrought.
Daughters may cry.
But Princesses don't cry.
Princesses don't cry.
For a thousand years now Celestia has held true to that code. A thousand years refusing to show weakness. A thousand years embodying everything the world needed of her. Everything that the princess had to be...
Celestia be damned.
For a thousand Summer Sun celebrations, Celestia had fought back the urge to let the grief flow. For a thousand years she had maintained this ideal of unbreakable will and strength.
...For a thousand years, she lied to herself every night telling herself this is what the world needed. What her subjects needed. What little fillies and jilted lovers and even her dearest Sunset needed.
Yet here she was about to lose someone dear to her again... and this time this ideal couldn't protect her. This time, her own ideal for herself had chased away one of the ponies she wanted to be strong for more than anyone else.
When the new recruit on patrol, Shining Armor, had told Celestia that they had seen Sunset Shimmer running towards the sealed off ward of the castle, Celestia had sprinted like her life depended on it.
She'd apologize to the staff later for the vase she knocked to the floor and the cracks her powerful alicorn hooves were leaving along the flooring as she thundered through her own castle, spotting a wooden door ahead.
The door that led to the restricted section of the castle where dangerous books and artefacts were being stored to be relocated.
The room that started this debacle when Sunset had stumbled upon it on her own. Celestia had been quick to pull the unicorn away, sensing her growing desire to become more powerful, wanting to protect her charge from a dark path.
...Had she done the opposite in her haste?
She felt no guilt for the door being ripped off its hinges as she overdid her telekinesis spell to open it, catching sight of Sunset's back hoof just as she disappeared into the portal. She came to a screeching halt, her eyes wide as the mirror stared back at her.
"Sunset..." She muttered, the sting returning to her eye as the faint laugh of Nightmare Moon rang out in the back of her mind, taunting her at another loss. More family, lost to her own emotional failings...
"...No! NO!" She stomped both her front hooves into the ground, a fire rising in her chest, of anger or determination it was hard to tell. All she knew was one thing.
She refused to let it happen again.
Against all better judgement she ran forward, head first into the portal. Her eyes widened as a kaleidoscope of colors assaulted her vision, making her head spin as an unpleasant stretching sensation pulled at her hooves, feeling as though it was being shaped into something else.
Her neck grew thinner and her fur felt as though it was contracting, as the overwhelming barrage of colours turned into a single blinding white light. Then it faded as she gasped out, her hooves on the ground.
...Wait, not hooves. Appendages?
She stared down in confusion at the fleshy things at the end of her body on either side with five digits, the familiar feeling of a gown on her making her look back confused. After a moment she shook her head, looking up to see a fairly normal looking building ahead.
Perhaps Sunset had gone inside there?
Whatever it took, Celestia would hunt her down and bring her home. Even if this body felt far too heavy to walk with, her back legs bending at weird angles she had never experienced, that wouldn't stop her.
Nothing would stop her!
"Sister? What on earth are you doing?"
Luna's voice struck Celestia's heart like a shock, her head slowly turning to see a strange creature, standing on its back legs. Yet that hair, those soft teal eyes that were so close to Sunset's and that expression... No matter what strange, alien shape it took.
She'd recognize her baby sister anywhere.
"L-Luna..." She muttered in disbelief, as Luna, wearing some odd formal outfit tailored to that alternate body shape, kneeled down and put one of those appendages on Celestia's back.
"Are you feeling alright? Has one of our students pranked you again?" She asked with a frown and roll of her eyes. "Hooligans, the lot of them. Still... since when were you tall? And how did they get you in a gown?"
"I... I wasn't- How are you here?" Celestia asked in disbelief, unable to hide the relief and hope in her voice as she tried to push herself up, only to nearly fall over from the effort.
Perhaps the Moon wasn't where Luna had ended up after all! Perhaps she had ended up here and there was a way to bring her back, free of Nightmare Moon's influence!
Perhaps-
"I... am helping run our school, as I always do?"
With one sentence, Celestia felt her joy and hope die without warning, lost in the void of her sister's night as she continued to speak.
"Wait here, I believe you need medical attention. I'll get the nurse." 'Luna' said as she turned and hurried towards the door, as Celestia watched her go, her mouth dry and her entire body trembling.
Another Luna... a Luna who had not been lost.
A Celestia who got to keep her baby sister.
All inside that building ahead.
And now Sunset had escaped to there as well, like some cruel joke. Those that Celestia loved, lost to her, all while these 'others' walked about unaware. Her trembling worsened as she stared ahead without truly seeing anything.
She... She needed to move. She needed to... Need to find Sunset, to bring her...
Even swallowing hurt. It was almost instinctual when she pressed off the ground and threw herself back. Back into the barrage of colors... yet the discomforting physical sensations were meaningless next to the raw pain welling in Celestia's soul.
As she landed on the ground in front of the mirror, she looked up slowly, her breathing ragged and eyes dilated as she stared ahead into the empty hall. She took a single step.
The weight of it all finally caught up to her, as she let herself fall to the ground, regalia clattering against the floor as she lay still, her entire body trembling, a sharp intake of air the only sound as that stinging returned once more.
This time... This time she couldn't stop it. She closed her eyes, a tear rolling down her face, followed by another and another, her entire body flinching and twitching as the sobbing began, visions of Sunset's and Luna's glares forced her eyes open.
"I-I'm... I'm sorry... L-Luna, I'm s-s-sorry... please... please sister... Come back... Come back..." She sniffled out, one hoof pushing forward and into the ground, dragging her hoof down it as she tried to find her bearing in... anything.
Anything at all.
"Sunset... Please... please don't leave me... I'm sorry... I d-didn't w-w-want to h-hurt you, please don't a-abandon me... please..."
"S-Sunset... Luna... I'm s-sorry... I'm... I'M SORRY!"
...
Princesses don't cry.
But Big Sisters do.