TW: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT

I opened my eyes, and instantly felt like something was off. Dash was next to me, but… he wasn't at the same time. I could feel his presence, but I couldn't feel him physically.

"Dash is next to me, right? He usually has his arms around me. What—"

I turned my head, and just like I thought, Dash was right there. He was awake, and from what I could see in his eyes, he had been awake for some time.

"Morning…" I said quietly and nervously.

"Good morning, ghost boy." He replied, a small smile on his face as he turned to me. "You sound nervous. Are you okay?"

"No… I'm still thinking about what I did to you a few days ago."

His eyes softened. "You want to talk about it?"

"Dash, I don't understand why you aren't still upset at me after what I said. I hurt your feelings, even worse than I did the last time." I sighed, knowing that I'd regret what was coming next. "I feel like we're back to just friends."

"What makes you think that?"

My face twisted in confusion. "Why wouldn't I think that? You haven't talked to me since the courtyard. I blacked out and said something really—Dash, I'm so sorry I said that. I just blacked out because all the memories from high school came rushing back and I—"

"Danny." He interrupted, his voice calm and soft. Just like it usually is. "I know."

"What?"

"I know. I'm not upset anymore because I understand. You didn't mean it." He put on his signature Dash smile, and held my hand. "I know that, even after all this time, you still have that voice in the back of your head saying that you can't trust me. That I'm the same Dash from high school. Let's just say, you're not the best at hiding your thoughts." He laughed a little before continuing. "Danny, I love you. I want you. I've wanted you since we became friends. Kwan… he can say whatever he wants to, but I'll tell you the truth right now: he's exactly why we're together."
"He's what?" I asked, feeling something fiery rise inside of me.

"Let me explain. So, Kwan had a thing for me senior year. However, I was focused on one thing—outside of work—and that was you. After he caught word that I was planning on making a move on you, he made it his mission to sabotage our, at the time, friendship."

I stopped and thought about what Dash just said. "I remember that. He went around the whole school accusing me of getting you suspended from a few games because we got into a fight."

"Which you never did. In fact, he only said that because he knew you were an easy target for him. What I got suspended for was breaking his arm after he insulted you. He was out for the rest of the season. But anyway, he didn't stop there. Remember prom night?"

"Yeah. He made a huge scene about not having a date and said it should've been you with him."

Dash nodded. "That's because he wanted to make his move on me that night, but I rejected him. So, me 'trying to fix him' was nothing more than him being desperate for my attention, which as you can see, is all on you."

"But that still doesn't…"

"Danny." Dash locked eyes with me, those ocean blue eyes full of nothing but genuine love. "You said what you said, and I reacted the way I reacted. I'm not upset at you. I never was. Don't think that I'll ever be upset with you when I know what's making you react that way. Your hands are still bruised, you have a scar on your cheek, and you have mental damage. You did kind of mess him up really bad, though, Danny. I'm fine, but the real question is: are you?"

Am I? I'm not sure. All I can think about right now is what happened. I feel so weird being in this position. "Dash, to be honest, I… I don't know."

"And that's okay, baby. You have to keep in mind that you've been through some shit with both him and myself. Remember, he hazed you and you never fully healed from it. He's done so much to you in the past number of years, and me? Well, what haven't I done to you? I'm still surprised we became friends, let alone have been dating for almost four months. You managed to forgive me for everything I did to you just so you could be happy with me, and I've done some pretty rough stuff to you. Danny, I meant what I said. I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here forever. We're in this together for a reason. I understand that you still aren't sure if I'm honest or not, but I am. You're not wrong for feeling that way, because I know that we kinda traumatized you a little."

I tilted my head slightly. "Dash, you used to shove me into lockers and make me look like a punk. That's normal bullying shit. Was it annoying? Very much so annoying. Did I hate you for it? Of course I did. The difference between what you did and what Kwan did is that, even though he was part of what you did…" I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "You never tried to hurt me. You were raised around toxic masculinity, and that followed you into high school, but you never wanted to hurt me. Kwan… Kwan took something from me that I'll never get back." I opened my eyes, my jaw tight with anger and pain as I thought back to what happened junior year. "I lost a piece of me that day, and I'll never…"

I shook my head and turned away from Dash. It's too much. I can't look at him. I don't want him to see me break down like this. My body started to tremble, and I could hear my breathing become shaky.

No, not right now, Danny. Please, not now. I know it hurts, but don't shut him out. It's only going to hurt you more.

"Hey. Look at me." His voice, soft and quiet, pierced through my ears.

"I can't, Dash… it hurts too much to even… to even look at you and tell you." I replied in a shaky voice. "You can't shut him out, Danny. He just wants to listen. It hurts, I know, but let him in." I think to myself.

"Danny, look at me, baby. I'm right here. I'm always going to be right here." Dash pulled me lightly towards him, holding me close to his chest. I couldn't look at him for a minute, but that didn't stop him from tilting my head up to his, wiping away my tears in the process. "You've been through hell. I know you have. All I want you to know is that I'm standing right here with you. I'm here, baby. It's okay."

"Dash, he took something from me. I hate him so much for doing what he did to me. That's why I almost stomped his head in. He was the one…" I shut my eyes, and started to silently sob in Dash's arms. No one understands the pain you have when something like that happens to you. You never truly forget it. It's like an injury you never really recover from. I'm just one of the ones who can never really talk about it because of how painful it is to remember it. "I wish I could go back in time… save myself from that day."

Even with my eyes closed, I could tell that Dash was getting upset from the sound of his heartbeat. I could tell from his breathing, he was getting angry. But yet, his touch was lighter than snow. He didn't say anything, he just waited for me to finish.

"I hate seeing his face, because every time I do… I see his smile. I hear him laughing. I can feel everything… and I can see his eyes. They were dark, clouded, and… he knew what he was doing. He knew what he was doing because he made sure we were alone. I can see the dim lights of the locker room, and I remember… just being on the ground, praying it would all be over." My body was shaking even more, and I couldn't stop the tears, but I opened my eyes and the first thing that caught my attention was him.

Dash was right there, just like he said he would be.

"Dash… why did he do that to me? Was hazing me not… not enough for him? Dash… I'm so sorry I hid this from you."

Dash's eyes were conflicted, but he put on a small smile and kissed my forehead. "I understand why you kept it from me. It's really hard to open up about something like that."

"It was bad enough I had to deal with him hazing me, but adding that on top of it?" I chuckled, but was somewhere between laughing and crying. "And then, I have to see his face on campus, knowing that he did something that I want to strangle him for."

"So that's why you beat him within an inch of his life…" Dash muttered to himself.

"But guess what I did in junior year? I kept that shit to myself, and carried on with life like it never happened. I graduated, and came to college. I managed to get lucky with the partner I have, who stays with me through it all. I'm happy now. It was just… the minute I saw him a few nights ago, and he called me a 'project,' I snapped. I couldn't restrain myself. Had you not stepped in, I would've probably beat him so bad I'd get arrested for attempted manslaughter. I just wish I didn't have to think about it anymore, Dash."

"It's not that easy, though, baby. I love that you want to push through. Hell, that's my favorite thing about you. But somewhere along the lines, you have to stop and allow yourself time to go through the emotions. It's like a wound that you can never heal from if you don't allow yourself the chance to get those emotions out."

I want to hold Dash even closer. I want to just forget the pain and be in the moment with him, because he's teaching me something very important. You can heal from sexual trauma, so long as you give yourself time to go through the process. There's no one way to heal from a situation like that, and some don't ever heal; however, your healing process is yours. And if you take the time to go through the emotions, and do therapy, you can recover from that stronger than ever.

"You're not a victim, Danny. You're a survivor. Okay?"

"I'm… a survivor." I said slowly. "I'm a survivor."

"Always have been, and always will be." Dash smiled, and kissed my forehead again, wiping my remaining tears from my face. "I love you, Danny."

"I love you more, Dash. More than ever."

The day went by smoothly, considering that Dash and I did nothing but stay in and spend quality time together. It started to snow, and I couldn't help but think about what life could've been had Dash and I never met. Would I be a popular kid? Would everyone know I'm a human and a ghost faster than they do now?

Meh, who cares? I have the love of my life, and he's not going anywhere.

"Danny, I'm thinking of going to the gym before the snow gets too bad. You think you'll be okay without me?"

DAMN. "Yeah, that's fine, but hurry back. I don't need you outside freezing." I chuckled before giving him a hug.

"Okay, babe. I'll be back."

As Dash left our room, I took a huge sigh of relief. Not because he left, but because of how much of a good partner he's been. With every moment, we've never felt like we weren't able to talk things out and understand each other. We built that foundation as friends early on, and now, we're just growing more and more with each other.

"I love having a boyfriend like Dash." I smiled to myself.

Dash was on his way back, pushing through the impending blizzard, and was entering the building door when a certain athlete he knew all too well came up to him.

"Just great. I got to see this asshole." He thought as the bruised and beaten Kwan presented himself.

"Hey, Dash!"

"What?" Dash replied, a look of anger etched on his face.

"You see what that punk Fenton did to me?!" Kwan shouted, pointing to his face. There were scratches, knots, bruises, and scars all over him. "Then, not to mention he kicked me in the ribs!"

"I'm not surprised. Seems like you had it coming."

"I had it coming? I had it coming? What did I do to that nerd to deserve getting my face nearly caved in?"

Dash raised an eyebrow. "What did you do, Kwan?"

"Yes! What did I do? I—"

"You know what the fuck you did." Dash replied, his eyes narrowing. "Everything you did to him."

Kwan smirked. "I'm innocent, Dash."

"Bullshit."

Kwan's smirk intensified. "So, the boys and I roughed him up junior year. So what?"

"You did more than that, you asshole. You really thought I wouldn't find out what else you did to him?" Dash was angry now.

"Ah, you see, Dash… my hands are clean. I never touched that punk." A chuckle soon followed. "Although… he did throw himself at me once. How could I resist?"

Dash's eyes snapped open. "He didn't throw himself at you, Kwan. He's been scared of you since the day you and the team hazed him. Do you really not remember?"

"Outside of that, no."

"Well, let me remind you." Dash remarked as he entered the building and swiftly snatched Kwan off his feet by his collar. "You took something from him. After one of our practices, you cornered him in the locker room. Danny was asking you to let him out, and that he really didn't want to be around you. He was scared of you because this happened not long after you hazed him. But, you didn't listen. You know what you did?"

Kwan couldn't answer. His smirk was gone, and he looked as if he was terrified of what Dash could do to him.

"You cornered him, and…" Dash's expression hardened, but he could feel himself about to throw up at the words he was saying. Then, he saw the look in Kwan's eyes that confirmed what Danny told him. "You sick fuck."

Kwan's expression told the whole story. He looked pale, almost as if he—ironically—saw a ghost. "Dash, I swear I didn't—"

"No, you DID. You slammed him against the lockers, and you heard him ask you over and over to stop. You threw him to the ground, and he pleaded with you to let him leave. He begged you not to do anything to him. You didn't listen. You pinned him down and inserted yourself into him, and you knew exactly what you were doing. You repeatedly screamed at him to shut up and take it, you laughed at his pleas for you to stop, and you told him he deserved it." His eyes darkened, his blood boiled, and within seconds, he punched Kwan in the stomach. There was clearly something inside of Dash that wanted to handle his teammate on his own, but he knew he couldn't do much without being kicked off the team.

"I swear, Dash. That never happened…" Kwan groaned in between coughs. "I didn't—"

"Oh, so he's lying to me? For fuck's sake, Kwan. How much of a dumbass do you think I am? There's a reason I'm the captain of the team. But this isn't about me. It's about what you did to Danny. You made him look at you, and I know you saw the fear in his eyes. He screamed for you to stop over and over, for you to get off of him, but you didn't. Not until YOU felt you wanted to. You took his innocence from him, and that's something he can NEVER get back."

Kwan rose to his knees and looked at Dash, his eyes low and his smile gone. He knew he was in hot water now. "Come on, Dash. Please don't kill me. I—"

"You what? You'll never do it again? It's too late for that, Kwan. Do you not understand what you did to Danny? How you made him think he wasn't worth anything? Yes, I know I did some fucked up shit to the kid, but I would never, EVER, have my teammates assist me in hazing him or sexually assaulting him. You're a fucked up person, Kwan."

Now, Kwan was the one who felt weak. He was the one who felt scared. Even though they were freshman, Dash has the power to get him not only kicked off the team, but kicked out the frat he's in. "Dash. Please don't say anything. Please don't."

"Why shouldn't I? You raped my boyfriend and thought I wouldn't find out. How would you like for me to tell the frat guys that you're not only a bully, but a piece of shit human being as well? Huh? How would you feel if I told our coach that you're a rapist?"

Kwan's eyes widened. "Don't say anything! I'm already close to being denounced by the frat. This will ruin things for me!"

"I bet then, you'll know what it feels like. I'll let you think about it, but while you do, enjoy your last days in that frat and on the team." Dash stated coldly as he walked away from Kwan, but not before shoving his foot in the athlete's face. "Oh, and stay the fuck away from Danny, or I'll keep my promise."

Dash walked away, a stone cold look on his face. He's never been this angry at someone he thought he could trust. Never in a million years did he think that his own teammate would do something so foul. And to someone like me? The innocent, shy, and quiet kid? It made no sense as to why. A thought soon clicked in Dash's head and he called a friend he knew very well.

"Hey."

"'Sup, D."

"I got some news about one of your frat brothers. Now this didn't come from me, but it concerns someone you know of."

"Did someone touch Danny?"

"Well, worse than that."

"Who was it? I'll make sure to report them first thing tomorrow morning."

"Kwan. He has a history of… let's call it 'physical interactions' with Danny. I don't know of any other way to say it, but Danny was not only hazed by him, but assaulted as well."

"He WHAT?! Is Danny okay?"

"I'm going to be honest: he hasn't recovered from it. He nearly broke Kwan's face open a few days ago, and the memory resurfaced. I'm not sure if he'll be 100%, but I'll monitor him and keep you updated. Also, I don't think I want to be intimate with him until he's mentally ready for it."

"Good call, Dash. I'll make sure to talk to my brothers in the morning. You never told me this."

"Never. Thanks again, Sean."

"Anything for my little bros. Please protect my little bro Danny with your heart, I can tell he's very special to you."

"I will. I'll see you soon."

Safe to say that Dash is about to get the last laugh, but he has to do one more thing:

He has to get back to me, because right now, he needs me.

I hear the door click and immediately know it's Dash. He shuts the door and calls out to me.

"Danny, you awake?"

"Of course I am. I was waiting for you to get back." I answered as I walked up to him. "You smell like the gym." I laughed.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I had a good workout, honestly. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, for now. I mean, I had a talk with Mikey while you were gone. He knows everything."

Dash's face twisted slightly, almost as if he was about to say something, but he shook it off. He just smiled and held me close.

"Hey, Dash?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. You know, for listening to me. For understanding my feelings."

Dash held me a little tighter, and took a deep sigh of what I could only assume was relief. "Always and forever, love. Always and forever…"

I'll be the first to admit: I was one naive kid. To some degree, I still am. However, I never imagined I'd stumble and fall face first into the arms of the former bane of my existence. He's been such a good friend, a good partner. He always has been, ever since we patched things up between us three years ago. There's never been a moment where he hasn't been a listening ear, a guiding light through all the chaos. I even have to tell him sometimes that I think I'm adding more pressure to his life, but he disagrees every time.

"I'll always be here for you." He whispered. "I love you very much, baby, and I'll never let anything happen to you. Please remember that."

"I… I love you, too, Dash. So, so much." I whispered back, burying myself further in the comforting embrace.

Dash Baxter—once hated and feared, now loved and adored. Not sure if he understands how much he means to me, but I think that he's always known.