A threeshot that I got inspired to make after some chatting in my discord. A comedic Jaune Arc x May Zedong story where May is Jaune's childhood friend and guardian sniper. Whether he wants it or not.

NOTE - For those worried this is distracting me, all three chapters are already done and up for supporters. I'll post the rest of the chapters in the coming weeks.

For anyone interested in making a commission, email me at: storylover543 gmail . com

Jaune Arc stared out the airship window at the approaching silhouette of Beacon Academy, trying desperately to ignore the churning in his stomach. He clutched his family heirloom - Crocea Mors - a bit tighter, wondering for the thousandth time how he'd ended up here.

"Blonde Shield, this is Beanie One. Visual confirmation of target location acquired. ETA fifteen minutes to deployment zone. Over."

Jaune sighed and pulled the walkie-talkie from his belt, "May, we're on an airship. Everyone can see we're fifteen minutes from Beacon. Also, I'm the only one who can hear you. Over."

"Maintain proper radio protocol, Blonde Shield. Security could be compromised. Over."

This was his life now- well, his life for the past two years anyway. May Zedong, childhood friend turned invisible guardian sniper, had decided somewhere around their fifteenth birthdays that protecting Jaune required absolute stealth. She'd gone up to his house one day, handed them the beat-up old walkie talkies they stopped using when they were ten, and told him that she was going to be looking out for him as an unseen partner. He thought it was a phase she'd grow out of in a couple of weeks, but no. May Zedong didn't do half-measures.

He hadn't actually seen May since then, despite knowing with absolute certainty that she was never more than a few hundred feet away. Even visiting her house wasn't any help. She was always conveniently 'out' whenever he came over.

"Do you remember when we used to just... hang out?" Jaune murmured into the walkie-talkie, "Like, in the same room? Visible to each other? Over."

The static crackled for a moment before May's response came through, "Negative, Blonde Shield. Current protection protocols maximize efficiency. Your shield and Aura make you an optimal target while I maintain overwatch. You protect me; I protect you. Symbiotic relationship. Over."

Jaune leaned back against the wall of the airship. Symbiotic. Right. He couldn't count how many times he'd been walking home from school only to have some would-be bully suddenly collapse with a BB pellet to the kneecap (and that's if they were lucky). When they were both kids, May was deadly accurate with a slingshot. When they turned into teenagers, she'd graduated to BB guns and hunting rifles. And now? Well, he didn't actually know what she was using these days cause she always used a silencer. Probably something terrifying.

"You know," Jaune said, "Normal friends go to movies together. They don't communicate exclusively through walkie-talkies and dead drops. Over."

"Normal isn't mission-optimal, Blonde Shield. Besides, I left you popcorn last Tuesday during your home viewing of The X-Ray and Vav: Mission Possible. Psychological and nutritional support provided. Over." That was true. He'd found a perfectly timed delivery of buttered popcorn at his windowsill precisely eleven minutes into the film. He still had no idea how she'd known when he'd started watching. She claimed she watched the movie with him. That is, through a scope and a directional microphone aimed through his window.

He probably should've been worried that he had someone with a gun to his head 24/7...

The most surreal part was that they were both somehow enrolled at Beacon now. May had simply left an envelope containing fake transcripts at their usual dead drop - the hollow tree in Ansel's central park - along with a note that said: "Infiltration documents acquired. Mission parameters updated: Huntsman training imminent." They'd always talked about becoming Huntsmen together, but after she almost literally disappeared two years back, he kinda assumed she forgot about it.

Where she'd even gotten the forgeries, he had no idea. When he asked over their nightly check-in that day, she only responded with, "Sources secure. Need-to-know basis. Over and out."

So here he was, fraudulently enrolled in the most prestigious Huntsman academy in Vale, armed with a hand-me-down sword, a collapsible shield, and an invisible sniper friend who refused to meet face-to-face, "May, don't you think it's weird that we're going to be at the same school and still not-" The airship banked suddenly, and Jaune's stomach lurched ominously. Oh Brothers, here it comes!

"Blonde Shield, biometric monitoring indicates motion sickness imminent. Deploying countermeasures in T-minus five. Over."

Jaune clutched his stomach, feeling cold sweat break out on his forehead.

"Four... three..." May's voice continued the countdown in his ear.

"May, what are you-"

"Two... one..."

Jaune's cheeks puffed out as he desperately tried to hold it in.

"Zero. Countermeasure deployed."

A paper bag slid perfectly across the floor, stopping against his foot at the exact moment May said 'zero'. Jaune snatched it up and promptly emptied his breakfast into it, right on cue. Everyone in a ten feet radius gave him a wide berth. What? Motion sickness is a common issue!

After a miserable moment spent hunched over the bag, he keyed the walkie-talkie again, "Thanks, May. But how did you even time that so perfectly? Over."

"Beanie One has maintained surveillance of Blonde Shield's airsickness patterns since Mission: Protect Jaune began. Your vomit trajectory is predictable to within 2.3 seconds. Preparation prevents poor performance. Over."

Jaune looked around the cabin, searching the faces of his fellow students. Was she disguised among them? Hiding in some maintenance compartment? He'd given up trying to spot her years ago, but sometimes he couldn't help wondering. It was weird not seeing your best friend for two years. He'd tried all sorts of ways to get her to expose herself, but none worked. Even going into the middle of literal nowhere failed. She'd somehow remained hidden even when sniping Grimm on a barren clearing.

"Beginning reconnaissance report on potential teammates. Over." May's voice crackled through the walkie-talkie without prompting.

Jaune blinked in surprise, "What? Over."

"Subject one: Red-hooded female, five o'clock position. Ruby Rose, age fifteen. Admitted two years early by Headmaster Ozpin himself. Weapon: High-impact customizable sniper rifle that transforms into a scythe combined with speed Semblance. Combat effectiveness: High. Teammate potential: Moderate to high. Appears friendly but socially awkward. Over."

Jaune turned discreetly to see a small girl in a red hood looking nervously around the cabin, "How do you - "

"Subject two: Blonde female, seven o'clock. Yang Xiao Long. Subject one's half-sister. Weapon: Dual ranged shotgun gauntlets combined with damage boost Semblance. Combat effectiveness: Extremely high. Teammate potential: High if you don't touch her hair. Repeat: Do not touch the hair. Over."

Jaune spotted the tall blonde girl standing protectively near Ruby.

"Subject three: White-haired female, approaching your three o'clock. Weiss Schnee, heiress to the Schnee Dust Company. Weapon: Multi-action Dust rapier combined with Glyphs. Hereditary Semblance. Combat effectiveness: High. Teammate potential: Low. High maintenance. Severe attitude issues. Likely to look down on your credentials. Racist. Avoid interaction. Over."

"May-"

"And finally, subject four: Red-haired female by the window. Pyrrha Nikos. Four-time Mistral Regional Tournament champion. Weapon: Rifle-javelin-xiphos combination with Polarity Semblance. Combat effectiveness: Extremely high. Best among the first years. Teammate potential: Optimal. Recommend immediate alliance formation. Over."

Jaune gaped at the athletic-looking redhead standing quietly by herself, "May, how the heck do you know all this information about random people? Did you research everyone coming to Beacon? Over."

There was a pause before May responded, "Information is ammunition, Blonde Shield. Knowledge of battlefield assets critical to mission success. Over."

"No, seriously, May. This is beyond your usual... whatever this is. How do you know their weapons, their histories, their... everything? Over."

"Blonde Shield, that information is classified. Operational security protocols in effect. Over."

"May..."

"Don't worry about it. Over."

Jaune sighed, "You know, at some point we're going to be assigned to teams," he said, "Four-person teams. Living together in dorms. Kind of hard to maintain your whole 'invisible guardian' thing when we might be roommates. Over."

The silence lasted longer this time. Finally, "I have contingencies for all scenarios. Roommate protocols already established. Over." Jaune didn't even want to know what that meant. He was about to ask when the airship's intercom crackled to life, announcing their arrival at Beacon Academy, "Blonde Shield, prepare for deployment. First mission objective: Infiltrate academy grounds without detection of fraudulent credentials. Secondary objective: Avoid the Schnee heiress approaching your six. Tertiary objective: Do not vomit on anyone's shoes. Over."

Jaune spun around to see a white-haired girl in an expensive-looking outfit striding purposefully in his direction. Not to him specifically, though. He was just near the exit ramp.

"May, where the hell are you even watching from? Over."

"Beanie One is always in position. Good luck. Over and out." As the airship doors began to open, Jaune pocketed the walkie-talkie and took a deep breath. Somehow, he had a feeling Beacon Academy wasn't ready for whatever bizarre adventure he and his never-seen guardian were about to bring to its hallowed halls.

Neither was he, for that matter.

Hours later, Jaune stared up at the auditorium ceiling, surrounded by dozens of sleeping bags and the soft murmurs of his fellow incoming first-years. Beacon's initiation was set for tomorrow morning, and despite the exhaustion of the day, sleep eluded him. His thoughts kept circling back to May. Even in this enclosed space, a single room packed with all the new students, he hadn't caught a single glimpse of her. And trust him, he looked.

Then again, would he even recognize her if he saw her? The last time he'd actually laid eyes on May was two years ago. More than enough time for her to completely change from the girl he knew. He tried to picture her now. Back then, she'd had a round face, faded red hair almost always tucked under her trademark beanie, and a smile that appeared whenever she landed a perfect shot. Was she taller? Had her hair grown out? Did she still wear that beanie?

The walkie-talkie beside his sleeping bag crackled softly, "Blonde Shield, you're not sleeping. Biorhythm indicators show heightened awareness. Over."

Jaune rolled his eyes and grabbed the device, "Neither are you," he whispered as quietly as possible, mindful of the students trying to sleep nearby, "Over."

"I'm on overwatch. Can't compromise the mission for sleep. Will maintain surveillance until you're secure. Over."

Jaune pinched the bridge of his nose, "May, are you seriously planning to keep this up for the next FOUR YEARS? Over."

There was a pause, and when May's voice returned, she sounded genuinely confused, "Of course I will. Why wouldn't I? It's the mission. Over."

"Because it's insane? Because we're at a school now, not in some combat zone? Because at some point you'll have to actually attend classes? Over."

"Don't worry about it. I've already arranged everything with the professors. Over."

Jaune sat bolt upright, "You WHAT? What professors? How? When did you-"

"Blonde Shield, keep your voice down. Security breach imminent. Over."

He glanced around, noticing a few annoyed looks from nearby students. One blonde girl with an eye mask pushed up on her forehead was glaring daggers at him, her eyes blazing red, "Sorry," he muttered to her, then flopped back down and pressed the walkie-talkie close to his mouth, "What do you mean you 'arranged' things with the professors? Over."

"Operational details classified. Just know that Beanie One has secured permissions for special tactics training. It's all covered. Don't worry. Over."

Jaune sighed deeply, staring back up at the ceiling. Somehow, he couldn't shake the mental image of May lurking in the rafters above them all, night-vision goggles trained on his sleeping bag, a sniper rifle at the ready in case any nightmares tried to attack him in his sleep.

"Y'know, at some point you're gonna have to let me see you again. Over."

The silence stretched so long he thought she might have finally gone to sleep. When she spoke next, her words were oddly soft, "That's... not mission-optimal, Blonde Shield. Over."

"May, we're friends. We've been friends since we were kids. This whole 'mission' thing is-"

"Mission parameters were established for your protection. Don't worry, I've got your six. Always. Over."

"But-"

"Sleep protocol engaged. Beanie One will maintain watch. Rest now, Jaune."

It was the first time she'd used his actual name over the walkie-talkie in two years. Somehow, that felt more significant than anything else, "Fine," he whispered, "Goodnight May. Over and out." As he closed his eyes, he could have sworn he heard the faintest rustle from somewhere up in the shadowy ceiling. But when he opened them again to look, there was nothing to see but darkness.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

Jaune Arc was flying - no, plummeting - through the air above the Emerald Forest, arms and legs flailing wildly. The wind whipped past his face as gravity did its inevitable work. How had this happened? One minute he was standing on a platform listening to Headmaster Ozpin's cryptic instructions about finding "relics" in the forest, making eye contact with the first person they saw to determine partners for the next four years, and the next minute...

He'd been literally catapulted into the sky. No warning. No parachute. No flight plan. Just whoosh and suddenly airborne.

"Blonde Shield, trajectory analysis indicates imminent tree collision. Tuck and roll on impact. Over."

Even in his panic, Jaune fumbled for the walkie-talkie strapped to his belt, "NOT HELPING, MAY! OVER!" He crashed through the upper canopy of the Emerald Forest, bouncing painfully from branch to branch before slamming into the ground with a pitiful groan. He lay spread-eagle on the forest floor, staring up at the bits of blue sky visible through the leaves, seriously questioning every life choice that had led him to this moment.

The walkie-talkie crackled again, "Blonde Shield, I see you've achieved landing. Status report. Over."

"I hate everything," Jaune moaned, "Especially you right now. Over."

"Medical assessment indicates bruised ego only. Aura is at 73%. Turn around. Over."

"What?" Jaune groaned and pushed himself to his feet, brushing twigs and leaves from his hair, "Why? Over."

"Just turn around. Over."

Sighing, Jaune did as instructed, scanning the forest behind him. At first, he saw nothing but trees and underbrush. Then, barely visible through the foliage, he caught a flash of light - the unmistakable glint of sunlight on glass. A sniper scope, he realized, nearly a hundred feet away.

His scroll beeped loudly. Jaune pulled it from his pocket and stared at the notification:

[PARTNERSHIP CONFIRMED: Jaune Arc & May Zedong]

Below the text were their profile pictures side by side - his caught mid-sneeze, eyes half-closed and face contorted, while May's was literally just a close-up of her beanie. No face. No identifying features. Just a pink and black beanie.

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Jaune shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation, "How does THAT count as eye contact?! I can't even see you! Your profile picture is a HAT!"

The walkie-talkie crackled with what sounded suspiciously like a snicker before May's voice returned to its usual professional tone, "Official partnership established. Mission parameters updated. We're partners now, Blonde Shield." There was the briefest pause before she added, "Oh, and Beowolfs incoming at six o'clock. Over."

"What?!" Jaune spun around just in time to see a massive black shape lunging at him from the shadows. He screamed - a high-pitched, undignified sound that was a far cry from the manly battle cries he always imagined - and barely managed to get his shield up in time. Claws scraped against metal with a horrible shriek as the Beowolf's momentum pushed him backward.

CRACK!

The Grimm's head exploded in a puff of black mist, the shot so perfectly placed it had gone right between its eyes.

Two more Beowolfs emerged from the bushes, red eyes gleaming. Jaune steadied his shield, heart pounding. Before the creatures could pounce, one jerked violently as another shot tore through its throat. The remaining Beowolf charged, and Jaune braced himself, shield forward.

"Hold position, Blonde Shield. Three... two..."

He stood his ground as the monster barreled toward him.

"One..."

The Beowolf leaped, jaws open wide.

CRACK!

Another perfect shot. The creature disintegrated in midair, its ashes raining down on Jaune's upraised shield.

"Symbiotic relationship," May's voice came through the walkie-talkie, sounding almost cheerful, "You draw them in, I take them out. Just like we practiced. Over."

"I'm not a fan of a being a meat shield, May!" Jaune yelled, spinning in a circle, trying to spot where the shots had come from. The scope glint was gone now, May having already changed positions, "And I didn't draw them in! They just attacked me!"

"You make an excellent target, Blonde Shield. It's a compliment. Over."

Jaune slumped against a tree, trying to calm his racing heart, "Four years," he muttered, "Four years of this."

"Actually," May's voice chirped, "Statistically speaking, most first-year teams lose at least one member due to injury, expulsion, or death, so-"

"Not helping, May!"

"Heading toward objective now. Follow the markers." There was a brief pause, "Also? Nice scream. Very high-pitched. Probably attracted every Grimm within a mile radius. Over and out."

"What markers?" Jaune looked around in confusion before spotting a small pink ribbon tied to a nearby branch. As he approached it, he noticed another one about fifty feet ahead. He sighed, sheathed his sword, and started walking. He wasn't even going to question how she'd tied those up considering the Initiation started maybe five minutes ago.

Four years of being invisible bait for a sniper he couldn't see. Perfect. Just perfect.

"Weiss Schnee, May Zedong, Jaune Arc, and Pyrrha Nikos," Headmaster Ozpin announced on the stage, his voice echoing through the packed auditorium, "The four of you retrieved the white rook pieces. Congratulations."

Jaune stood on stage next to Pyrrha and Weiss, acutely aware of the empty space where May should have been standing. Not a single person in the audience or on stage seemed to find this strange. Pyrrha smiled politely, while Weiss stood ramrod straight, practically vibrating with anticipation.

"From this day forward, you will work together as Team WMJP led by..." Ozpin paused, taking a sip from his ever-present mug, "Weiss Schnee." The white-haired heiress's face lit up with a smile so bright it was almost blinding. Polite applause filled the hall as a graphic displayed their faces on the giant screen above. Well, three faces and one beanie.

"Congratulations, young lady," Ozpin said to Weiss before his eyes drifted to the empty spot beside Jaune. He gave the slightest nod in that direction, as if acknowledging someone invisible, before moving on to announce the next team.

"Did he not notice May isn't here?" Jaune whispered to Pyrrha. The redhead just shrugged.

The walkie-talkie at Jaune's hip crackled as soon as they were off the stage, "Mission accomplished, Blonde Shield. Team designation achieved. Headmaster briefed on special tactics training. Ice Queen as commander will require adjustment. Over."

"What did she just call me?" Weiss snapped, whipping her head toward the walkie-talkie in Jaune's hand.

Jaune winced, "Uh..."

"I heard that! Give me that device immediately!" Weiss demanded, holding out her hand imperiously. Jaune could already tell that she was someone used to getting what she wanted. Reluctantly, Jaune handed over the walkie-talkie. Weiss snatched it and pressed the button forcefully, "Listen here, May Zedong, or whatever your real name is. I am your team leader, and I will be addressed as Weiss or Miss Schnee. Is that clear? Over." She added the last word with dripping sarcasm.

The walkie-talkie crackled in response, "Negative, Ice Queen. Codenames establish operational security. Your designation is Ice Queen. Mine is Beanie One. Blonde Shield is Jaune. Red Warrior is Pyrrha. Over."

Weiss's face flushed crimson, "That is NOT my designation! I am the heiress to the Schnee Dust Company and your LEADER! You will show proper respect! ...Over!"

"Respect is earned, not given. Also, your left boot has a scuff. Over."

Weiss immediately looked down at her pristine white boots, "What? Where? I don't see-" She stopped, realizing she'd been tricked, and glared at the walkie-talkie, "Very mature! And where exactly are you anyway? You're supposed to be part of this team! Over!"

"I'm exactly where I need to be. Perimeter secure. Over."

The awkwardness only intensified that night as the newly-formed Team JWPM settled into their dorm room. Four beds, four desks, four sets of drawers.

Three students.

The team dorm room was spacious enough, with four beds arranged neatly along the walls, four desks, and a door leading to their shared bathroom. Jaune dropped his meager belongings onto the bed farthest from the door while Pyrrha gracefully claimed the one beside it.

Almost an hour later, Weiss paced the center of the room, clipboard in hand, "Now then, Team Winter-"

"Winter?" Jaune interrupted, "I thought we were Team WMJP?"

Weiss rolled her eyes dramatically, "WMJP is pronounced 'Winter,' Arc. Do try to keep up." Was it? He sure as hell didn't get that from that combo of letters, but what did he know? "As I was saying, as Team Winter's leader, I've already prepared a schedule for us." She brandished the clipboard, "Wake-up call is at 5 AM sharp, followed by morning training exercises, breakfast at precisely 7:15, and then classes. I've color-coded study periods and-"

The walkie-talkie, now back in Jaune's possession, crackled loudly, "Negative on 5 AM, Ice Queen. Optimal sleep cycle for combat readiness requires minimum six hours. Night surveillance concludes at 2 AM. Over."

Weiss stomped her foot, "Stop calling me that! And how dare you contradict your team leader!? If I say wake-up is at 5 AM, then wake-up is at 5 AM! Over!" She snatched the walkie-talkie from Jaune again.

"Your leadership extends to combat and academics, not my sleep cycle. Also, your color-coding system is inefficient. Red should be for combat classes, not history. Over."

"How do you know my color-coding system?!" Weiss spluttered, frantically flipping through her clipboard pages.

"I can see your clipboard from here. Handwriting analysis suggests high-strung personality. Over."

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" Weiss spun around wildly, searching every corner of the room.

Pyrrha cleared her throat gently, "Perhaps we could discuss the schedule as a team?"

"That's what I'm trying to do!" Weiss shouted, gesturing at the empty fourth bed, "But one of our so-called teammates refuses to even be present!"

"I'm present. Just not visible. Operational security. Over."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Weiss fumed, "How are we supposed to function as a team if you're not physically here? Where will you sleep? How will you attend classes?"

"Don't worry about it. Class attendance records will show full participation. Sleep arrangements classified. Over."

"Classified?! We're in the same team! There are no classified arrangements in a team!"

"Tell that to the Headmaster. Check your scroll, Ice Queen. Special dispensation filed and approved. Over."

Weiss angrily pulled out her scroll, tapping and swiping with vicious precision. Her eyes widened, then narrowed dangerously, "How did you get access to my academic email? And how did you get Headmaster Ozpin to approve this... this farce?!"

"I've got my ways. Also, your toothbrush is upside down in the holder. Over."

Weiss's head snapped toward the bathroom door, which was firmly closed, "You've been through my personal cabinet?! How? We've been here for the past hour and we didn't see or hear you!"

"Perimeter check includes all entry points. Over."

"This is an invasion of privacy!" Weiss was practically shouting now, "When did you even- I didn't see anyone- Jaune, make her stop this nonsense!"

Jaune, who'd been watching the exchange with a mixture of amusement and resignation, shrugged, "Trust me, I've been trying for two years. You'll get used to it." He lay down on the bed. A part of him hoped he'd see May in their room once they got to Beacon. After all, she always talked about how they'd be partners. He should've known better.

"I most certainly will not! I refuse to 'get used to' an invisible teammate who calls me Ice Queen and spies on me!"

The walkie-talkie crackled again, "Not spying. Surveillance. Different objective. Primarily watching Blonde Shield. You're collateral observation. Over."

"COLLATERAL?!" Weiss' voice rose to a pitch that threatened to shatter glass. Jaune didn't know what she was more offended by: the fact that she was being spied on or the fact that she was considered secondary in said spying.

Pyrrha stepped forward with her hands raised, "I think what May means is that her primary focus is on team security, not personal observation." She smiled at the empty space near the ceiling corner. Was that where May was or was Pyrrha just guessing? "Isn't that right, May?"

There was a pause before the walkie-talkie responded, "Red Warrior understands. Ice Queen should take notes. Over."

Weiss looked ready to explode. She thrust the walkie-talkie back at Jaune and stomped to her bed, "I'm going to file a formal complaint tomorrow. This arrangement is completely unacceptable for a proper Huntsman team!"

"Already filed counterpoint documentation. Precedent established with Atlas Academy special ops training. Over."

"How do you-" Weiss started, then threw her hands up in defeat, "Fine! Hide wherever you want! But I expect you to participate in all team activities and training sessions, visible or not!"

"Affirmative, Ice Queen. Already participated in more training sessions than you. Marksmanship scores available upon request. Over." As Weiss fumed silently on her bed, Jaune caught Pyrrha's eye. The champion fighter raised an eyebrow, and Jaune just shrugged. Another day, another bizarre May interaction.

Later, as the lights were turned out and everyone settled into their beds - three occupied, one conspicuously empty - the walkie-talkie buzzed one last time.

"Goodnight, Blonde Shield. Goodnight, Red Warrior." There was a slight pause, "Goodnight, Ice Queen. Despite operational friction, looking forward to successful mission parameters with Team Winner. Over and out."

"It's Team Winter!" Weiss hissed into the darkness.

From somewhere - maybe the vents, maybe the hallway, maybe even outside the window - came a sound suspiciously like a snicker.

One week into their time at Beacon, and Jaune was starting to develop a routine. Wake up to May's voice over the walkie-talkie ("Perimeter secure, rise and shine, Blonde Shield. Over."), attend classes where professors mysteriously marked May as present despite her obvious absence, and try to survive Weiss's increasingly vocal complaints about their phantom teammate.

"I've filed THREE formal complaints this week alone," Weiss had fumed that morning, furiously brushing her hair as Jaune tried to eat his breakfast, "And every single one has been returned with 'special dispensation already granted' stamped on it. In RED!"

Today they were having lunch in the cafeteria with their sister team, Team RYBR (Rhubarb), led by by Ruby. It was their usual table arrangement. Weiss sat ramrod straight beside Pyrrha at the right edge of the bench, complaining to anyone who listened. Pyrrha did her best to keep the peace and smiled politely at everyone, though he could tell she was flagging. Across from them sat Ruby, her partner (and sister) Yang, Blake, and Ren. Jaune sat on Pyrrha's other side and to his left was... well, nothing. Just an empty space where a teammate should be.

"So, I haven't said anything," Yang started, pointing her fork at Jaune, "But are we seriously gonna pretend this May person is real? Cuz I've been here a week and haven't seen her once."

Weiss snorted derisively, "Join the club. I LIVE with her - supposedly - and haven't caught so much as a glimpse."

"She's real," Jaune sighed, pushing his potatoes around his plate, "She just... doesn't do the whole 'being seen' thing."

"Affirmative. Beanie One exists. Over," May's voice crackled from the walkie-talkie at his hip.

Yang rolled her eyes, "Right. So you just walk around talking to a walkie-talkie and we're all supposed to buy it? That's kinda sad, Jaune."

"She's not made up," Jaune said, feeling like he'd had this conversation a thousand times before. Even people back home, people who definitely saw May with him growing up, started wondering if she was a collectivel hallucination. May seemed oddly proud of that fact, "We've been friends since we were kids. She just... got weird about the whole visibility thing."

"Uh-huh," Yang said, clearly unconvinced, "And this totally real partner of yours never comes to class, never eats lunch, and never sleeps in your dorm. Sure, totally checks out."

"The professors do mark her present," Pyrrha offered gently, "And she does respond when we need her."

"Which is exactly why I'm so frustrated!" Weiss cut in, "If she can get away with skipping everything while still getting full credit, why can't I? Do you know how much more efficiently I could be using my time?"

Instead of responding, the walkie-talkie stayed quiet. Jaune felt that familiar prickle at the back of his neck - the one he always got right before May did something drastic, "Uh, Yang, maybe don't - "

"What?" Yang laughed, "Is your fake friend gonna get mad at me or something? Ooooh, I'm sooo scared."

"Seriously, Yang, I wouldn't-" Jaune shut up when he saw it: a small red dot appearing on Yang's chest, right over her heart. Everyone at the table went dead silent. Ruby's eyes went huge. Ren stopped mid-bite. Even Weiss held her breath, "Um, Yang," Jaune whispered, "Don't move."

"Huh?" Yang glanced down and spotted the laser sight. The red dot inched its way up her chest, over her neck, and stopped right between her eyes, "Oh, come on!"

"Yang," Ruby squeaked, "I think May is real."

"Yeah, right," Yang scoffed, though she didn't sound as confident anymore, "Like someone's actually got a gun on me in the middle of the cafeteria. This has gotta be some stupid trick."

The walkie-talkie crackled, "Permission to fire warning shot? Over."

Jaune groaned, "May, seriously, don't - "

"Oh, sure!" Yang leaned toward the walkie-talkie with a smirk, "Go ahead, 'May'. Take your best shot." She made air quotes around the name.

A second of silence. Then - from somewhere Jaune couldn't pinpoint - came a soft pop.

Yang's head jerked back as something small hit her right between the eyes. Her Aura flashed, absorbing the impact, but her face was pure shock, "What the HELL?!" Yang shouted, jumping to her feet, eyes flashing red as her hair started to burn, "Did someone just shoot me?!"

"Warning shot delivered," May's voice announced through the walkie-talkie, "BB pellet, non-lethal. Could've been worse. Consider yourself lucky, Firecracker. Over."

The cafeteria went quiet, everyone staring at their table as Yang spun around, searching, "Where are you?!" Yang demanded, spinning in a circle, "Get out here!"

"Yang, seriously, you're not going to find her," Jaune said, "Nobody ever does."

"Oh yeah? Watch me!" Yang started stalking between the cafeteria tables, checking under them, behind pillars, in corners, "Come out, come out, wherever you are! I just wanna talk!" She threw open a trash lid."

The red dot reappeared, once again placing itself squarely between Yang's eyes, despite her constant movement.

Pop!

Another BB pellet struck her in the exact same spot.

"AGH!" Yang clutched her forehead, more surprised than hurt. With her Aura, it must've been like being flicked. Annoying, but not actually painful, "Stop that!"

"Surrender advised," May's voice came through the walkie-talkie, calm as ever, "You are outmatched. Over."

"Like hell I am!" Yang spun around, facing the opposite direction, "You just got lucky twice!"

The red dot appeared between her eyes again, somehow, despite her facing a completely different direction.

Pop!

"HOW?!" Yang bellowed. She ducked behind a pillar and stayed there before peering out cautiously ten seconds later.

The red dot appeared on her forehead the instant she looked out.

Pop!

"THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" Yang shouted, now using a lunch tray as a shield as she ran in a zigzag pattern between tables.

The dot appeared on her forehead the second she lowered the tray to see where she was going.

Pop!

"WOULD YOU STOP THAT?!"

By now, the entire cafeteria was watching Yang's frantic search, many students laughing as she was repeatedly pegged with perfect accuracy no matter where she moved, "FINE!" Yang finally shouted, throwing her hands up in surrender and stomping back to their table, "Your creepy invisible partner exists! Happy now?"

"Firecracker neutralized," May announced, sounding just a little smug, "Target practice complete. Over."

Yang slumped into her seat, rubbing the spot between her eyes, "Your partner's a weirdo, Jaune." She growled.

"Yeah, I know," Jaune shrugged.

"But also AMAZING!" Ruby squealed, practically vibrating with excitement, "Those shots were perfect! No matter where Yang moved! Pop!" Yang scowled at her little sister, but she paid her no mind, "May, what kind of rifle do you use? Is it a custom build? What's your effective range? Is it a bolt action or semi-automatic? Does it transform like Crescent Rose? How many rounds per minute can you fire? What's your preferred ammunition?"

The walkie-talkie crackled with what almost sounded like a soft chuckle.

"Modified M24A2. Custom barrel. Effective range two miles with standard loads. Bolt action. Transforms into compact form for urban deployment. No melee form. Seventy-six confirmed Grimm kills at one mile plus. And no, not as cool as Crescent Rose, but more practical for extended surveillance. Over."

Ruby looked like she might faint from pure joy, "Can I SEE it? Please? PLEASE?!"

"Negative on visual inspection," May replied, "But willing to discuss specifications. Weapon talk is acceptable mission parameter. Over."

"YES!" Ruby pumped her fist in the air, "Jaune, can I borrow your walkie-talkie after lunch? May and I need to have a serious talk about optimal scope magnification for urban versus woodland environments!"

"Go for it," Jaune said, honestly relieved that someone was excited about his partner's weirdness. He wasn't much of a weapon junkie. He knew how to fire a gun - living outside the walls means you needed to know how to shoot a rifle in case of sudden Grimm attacks - but all he really knew was how to insert the magazine and aim down the sights. He was only marginally better with a sword and shield. Thank the Brothers he was a sack of Aura who knew how to take a hit.

"This is ridiculous," Weiss huffed, stabbing at her salad with unnecessary force, "We have a teammate who shoots people in the cafeteria, never attends classes, never sleeps in her assigned bed, and somehow has the school administration wrapped around her finger. Am I the only one who sees how absurd this is?"

"I dunno," Blake said quietly, eyeing the walkie-talkie with interest, "Having someone watching your back that nobody can see... it seems kinda cool, actually. Knowing someone's always watching over you."

"It's WEIRD," Weiss insisted, "How am I supposed to coordinate team attacks with someone I can't even locate? How are we supposed to train together? The Vytal Festival Tournament is only months away, and I refuse to be embarrassed because one-fourth of our team is a disembodied voice!"

...

The red dot reappeared, this time landing right on the tiara on Weiss' perfect ponytail.

"Don't you dare!" Weiss yelped, diving under the table.

"May," Jaune said into the walkie-talkie, "We talked about this. No shooting the team leader."

A disappointed sigh crackled through, "Fine, Blonde Shield. Ice Queen remains un-pelleted. For now. Over."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Weiss shrieked from under the table.

Jaune looked around at his friends - Yang rubbing her forehead and glaring at empty air, Ruby bouncing excitedly, Blake hiding a smile behind her book, Ren calmly eating, Pyrrha looking politely confused, and Weiss refusing to come out from under the table. This was his life now. And somehow, despite all the craziness, he found himself smiling.

"Hey, May?" he said quietly into the walkie-talkie.

"Yeah, Blonde Shield? Over."

"Nice shooting. Over."

There was a pause. Then, "Thanks, Jaune. Over and out."

Poor Weiss. Good thing Jaune doesn't flirt with her in this version of the story or you just know May would've eben constantly pelting her ass with BBs. Next chapter will switch the POV to Weiss going forward.

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